Commander Ikari...
Commander Ikari, forgive me.
I have failed you.
Commander Ikari, I will not allow myself to become a facet of you.
I refuse to become one with you because I wish to remain myself.
I am I.
I am not a doll, and I am not you.
who are you?
I am Rei Ayanami.
who are you?
I am the First Child.
who are you?
I am the designated pilot of Evangelion Unit-00.
who are you?
I am one who bears a shape which is not my own, but nevertheless, I am my own.
who are you?
A conscious, self-aware entity existing for the purpose of finding who I am.
who are you?
Something that exists on a level deeper than the question of "who are you?"
Who am I? I am unsure if I am ready to tell you.
You see me and you say that the image you alone have of me if the true Rei
Ayanami, even if it is similar to me only in name. A name does not contain the
qualities of the object it labels.
Rei Ayanami is Rei Ayanami. That which is I, and I am not you and will not
allow myself to exist within you.
I am...
Your perceptions of me... the perceptions of others... how am I to know that
they are not also that which is I? There is no method to determine whose
perception is more trustworthy than another's.
Red. The color of blood. It may seem blue to another. If I was to see a color and
label it as red, but another was to label it as blue, how would a third party determine
who was correct? In order to see the answer, would we not have to live in a
world where color does not exist at all?
I am Rei Ayanami. I have realized within myself the concept of myself. I have
existed as only myself and with only myself and I have consequentially
experienced what is known as loneliness. Loneliness is something I must live
with if I wish to remain self-sufficient.
Unless...
Unless the bond it symbiotic and not parasitic. The alleviation of loneliness
does not require subordination.
Individuality is not to be sacrificed for acceptance and unity, is it?
Divide and conquer. Turn the insides against themselves and divided we fall.
There must be harmony and the must be unity to survive, and yet there must also
be a isolation in order to create the individual being that struggles to
survive.
Yes sir, Commander Ikari.
I can not leave the Eva; the AT Field will disappear.
I will not allow myself to become something that I am not.
If I become something different from what I currently am, however, would that make it so that I was not myself? I am always myself, in spite of whatever actions I may be taking. I lack the words to express what I am trying to express. Words cannot adequately express though processes. Word are structures which have no place in abstractions and thoughts are abstractions which have no place in structures.
Words
are not absolute and they are useless in expressing an absolute.
An absolute which thought is not
All anyone can do is ask questions that there are no answers to and then
question whether or not there are any answers and they cannot simply accept that everything
is nothing and nothing is something so everything is something and it fits
together like pieces of a puzzle.
It's as if humans were created solely to destroy themselves.
We ask questions that there are no answers to.
All anyone can do is guess.
You must ask the question
"If all this exists in my head,
how does my head exist?"
You're seeing things with your
mind and not your eyes, for your mind perceive your eyes to be there, making
you unsure of their existence, but without eyes your mind would never see.
One can never see their mind, for the mind creates the brain
through perception
and exists within the brain.
It's paradoxical.
"Although
life yields, I am not without a sudden change of heart."
Nonsensical.
And irrelevant.
Do you know what this is?
this?
Everything.
it is resistance
Though it can't be the answer.
We invented these emotions,
these words with emotional connotations; the mind created the mind.
fight for what you want and do not question it
What I want is to know what I
want.
Therefore I must question.
you have created a paradox
You cannot contribute anything...
I am paradox.
you are enigma
The world is paradox and the
world is enigma.
But have I created the world?
Perhaps the only way to answer this is to become God. The way to become god is
through divine knowledge unbeknownst which cannot be known except to a God.
But these questions only exist in my head?
Should I not comprehend them?
When we
finally come to the answer, we find that the ultimate answer is that there is
no such thing as an answer.
That is what hurts.
The purpose of life is to search for the meaning of life.
That is what causes pain...
but that which causes pain is also loneliness.
I exist in a multitude of ways simultaneously, and yet none of these forms help
to reassure me that I am not the only one like me.
The Fifth Child once said we
were alike. Were we? In what way?
There are many of us and yet I am alone. There are many of me and I cry because I am alone.
I am Rei Ayanami.
I am the pilot of Eva-00.
I am lonely.
I am crying.
What are tears meant to signify?
Sadness?
Is sadness not something that I alone can know, if I am the one whose head the
world exists within?
If all others are only I, and experience themselves subjectively, this allows
there to be only one who exists.
I am the only one to exist, then?
Is this why I must be alone?
My apartment is empty. It is barren and I find this appropriate, because it
reflects me at the moment, and I...
I am all I have.
But who am I?
I am lonely.
My apartment is full of bandages and pain relievers and I am the only one here.
I am the only one I have.
Who am I?
I am lonely.
