Chapter 20

Mary was excited for Kitty to come home, she had missed their conversations, and had especially missed her sisters company at the theater. But, she was coming home today, and she could tell her all about it, more than she had been able to say in her letter. Mary came into the dining room to join the Burtons for lunch just as the doorbell rang. The butler ushered Mr. Rawlins into the room, somehow, he looked different.

"Hello Mr. Rawlins, have you eaten lunch?" Georgiana asked as he entered.

"No, I have not."

"Oh please, join us!" Georgiana smiled.

"Why thank you, I'd love to Mrs. Burton." he sat down next to Mary timidly. "How are you this afternoon Miss Bennet?"

"Very well thank you, it's very nice to see you again." she smiled.

"When will Miss Kitty be home? She does arrive today, correct?"

"Yes, but probably not until sometime after dinner. I guess it depends on what time she left Lydia's house."

"You must be very excited."

"Yes quite, I can't wait to see her, I have missed her."

"I will be happy to see her as well."

They finished eating their lunch and discussed things that weren't really important, but Mary did manage to laugh a few times. Mr. Rawlins seemed to be uneasy and Mary could not understand what he was nervous about. After lunch, everyone retired to the parlor and Mary set to reading her newest book.

"Mr. Rawlins, what is it?" Mary asked after she noticed him staring at her.

"Oh, nothing, I was just wondering how you were enjoying that book. Is that one of the ones you bought at the bookstore?"

"Yes it is. But I don't know how I like it yet, I haven't even finished the first chapter yet." she laughed.

"Oh, oh yes of course, how foolish of me."

Mary laughed at his odd behavior and went back to reading her book. She had only read a couple of pages before she noticed Mr. Rawlins staring at her again. But this time, he was rubbing his hands nervously. Mary closed her book and placed it on a nearby table.

"Mr. Rawlins, what is the matter?" Mary said, a bit frustrated that she couldn't read her book.

"Well, actually, do you think we might take a walk? I think I am just having some trouble sitting still." he smiled.

"Very well, if it will make you stop acting so awkward!" she laughed.

"I think it might, thank you."

Mary stood and went to gather her bonnet. Within minutes she was ready to leave, and Mr. Rawlins escorted her out the door. They walked toward the local park and stopped at a nearby street vendor. Mr. Rawlins bought two bags of roasted peanuts and then continued toward the park.

"Miss Bennet would you care to sit down?" he asked as they came upon a bench in the park.

"I thought we came outside so that you wouldn't be sitting still?" she asked.

"Well actually, I just found that I couldn't sit in the Burtons parlor anymore."

"Why ever not?" Mary laughed.

"Well, because I have something I must speak to you about."

"You could have spoken to me at the Burton's. You know you can say anything in front of them, they are all friends."

"Not this." he said quickly.

"You are acting so strange, what is it?" Mary said, suddenly concerned.

"Alright, here it goes. Miss Bennet, we have become very good friends in these past two months. I have enjoyed all of the time I have gotten to spend with you. You are so intelligent and our conversations always cause me to think more about this world. You are funny even though you don't realize it. And, I am in love with you. I can't imagine spending a single day without you."

"Oh please, you couldn't possibly love me."

"But Mary, I do."

"I don't understand why your telling me all of this." she said quickly, beginning to get nervous herself.

"Because, I would like for you to accept my hand, and marry me."

Mary sat speechless, hardly able to blink, and Rawlins looked as if he would be sick. They sat silently until Mr. Rawlins could no longer bear it, he begged Mary for an answer to his question.

"I can't."

"You can't answer?"

"No, I can't marry you." she said slowly.

"Why? Why can't you marry me?" Am not good enough for you, not smart enough?" he asked, completely puzzled by her response.

"No! That isn't it at all. I told you before that I have no desire to be married, and that is still true. I do not wish to hurt you, but marrying you would be a mistake. I enjoy so much spending time and talking to you. You are the only person I can discuss my books with. Can't we continue doing that, as friends?"

"I am afraid not Miss Bennet." he said, reverting to using her surname.

"What? Why not? What is to prevent our friendship?" she asked, suddenly very upset.

"Because every day I spend with you, I grow to love you more. You amaze me with something new every time I am near you. And I can not continue in this way if I know you will never love me, if there can never be anything more. I have been looking for a wife, someone to take care of, for some time now. I want to be married and have a family, and you are so wonderful Mary. From the first time we spoke, I knew you were perfect for me, I only wish you felt the same way." he said standing.

"Please, don't go." she said quickly.

"I will always love you Mary Bennet, I hope you enjoy your life of solitude." With that, he turned and began to walk away from her, never turning back around. Mary sat for a while and a tear slowly ran down her cheek. He had been the best friend she had ever had, and now he was gone. But she didn't love him and he deserved that in his wife. Hopefully no one would ask about the walk and she would be able to go back to her reading.

She managed to slip back into the house unnoticed and picked up her book. Two hours went by and Georgiana called for dinner. Mary took her place but stayed extremely silent as everyone else talked at dinner, and then took up her book again after they had finished. Kitty arrived home just as it began to get dark and the whole house irrupted with excitement as she came through the door.

"Kitty!" Georgiana cried, the first to hear the door opening.

"Hello! Oh, I've missed you all so much." Kitty smiled.

"It is very good to have you back Miss Kitty." Cadogan smiled.

"It is very good to be back." Kitty said, trying to hide her blushing face.

"So, are we going to be going for a walk tomorrow morning?"

"Absolutely, well that is as long as it doesn't rain." she smiled playfully. He looked so handsome standing there. And he looked truly happy that she had returned, he had missed her. Maybe, he had missed her because he loved her. But she could not let herself go to far.

Everyone moved into the parlor and Kitty told them all about Lydia and her family. And of course she informed everyone about Mr. Clay. Of all of her stories they definitely enjoyed that one the most. Mary of course was shocked that even Lydia would pull such a stunt.

"You would have really surprised everyone if you had come back to London married." Mr. Cadogan laughed.

"Yes, I suppose it would have been, but this man was truly disgusting. You honestly would have been appalled by him."

"I really can not believe Lydia would do such a thing to you." Mary said.

"I can, at first I was shocked, but it is just something she would do."

"Well, when you put it that way you do have a point." Mary smiled.

After sitting for a while the Darcy's and Bingley's arrived to welcome Kitty back and shortly after that Victoria Willoby sauntered in. She sat herself right next to Mr. Cadogan. Once she sat she kept at least one finger upon him for the whole evening. Kitty sat somberly, upset by the fact that Victoria was sitting so close to Cadogan. He had to love her or he wouldn't allow her to touch him like that.

"Mary, where is Mr. Rawlins? I was hoping to see him as well." Kitty said, trying to keep her mind off Cadogan.

"Oh, uh, he's away, he won't be around for the rest of the summer." Mary answered, very flustered by the question.

"Really? He never said goodbye, that's odd." Georgiana added.

"Yes, I suppose, his business called him away suddenly." Mary added.

"Mary that is so unfortunate, you were such good friends, it is a shame that he had to leave before the end of the summer." Kitty said.

"I suppose." Mary replied with no emotion.

"Come Mary, you can not pretend that you will not miss his company." Kitty laughed.

"I won't, I'll be just fine without him." Mary said, keeping her eyes on the book she was reading.

"Well friendship goes a long way with you Mary." Victoria laughed sarcastically.

"No! Well of course it does, I mean, I will miss him, but I will survive without him here. His company does not define my happiness."

"No one said it did, we meant that you will miss his company, you know, discussing your books." Kitty said, looking at her sister curiously.

The evening progressed and the conversation moved from one subject to another. They even played a card game, Mr. Bingley won every hand. Everyone finally decided that it was time to go, and had become tired of losing to Bingley. Once again, they said they were glad to have Kitty back in London, and then departed from the Burtons. Victoria naturally lingered the longest, and then eventually left as well.

Kitty reached her bedroom and began to unpack her trunk in search of her nightgown. Mary came in slowly and began to ready herself for bed as well.

"Why does Victoria insist upon putting her hands all over Mr. Cadogan? It is so terribly inappropriate if they are not attached." Kitty said angrily as she pulled her nightgown over her head.

"Perhaps they are attached."

"What? Why would you say that? Have they told people they are?" she said, suddenly worried.

"Well no, but people have been known to be attached without telling anyone." Mary said thoughtfully.

"They couldn't be, she doesn't suit him."

"How do you know?"

"Well, I don't, it just seems that they don't go well together."

"I just know that she has had her hands on him since we went to the theater." Mary said very calmly.

"Oh yes, the theater, you told me a little about it. How was it, give me the details." Kitty said, ignoring her frustration of Victorias contact with Cadogan.

"It was nothing, enjoyable, but not much more than that."

"It did not sound that way from your letter. You sounded so excited about it when you wrote."

"Well, upon thinking about it, it really wasn't. And if you don't mind I don't really want to talk about it anymore."

"Oh yes of course, I'm sorry." Kitty went back to braiding her hair and kept quiet. She didn't understand why Mary was suddenly being so strange. When she had left Mary was beginning to become fun and now all of that was gone, and even seemed worse.

Kitty didn't spend to much time thinking about Mary's attitude. Her mind quickly found it's way back to Mr. Cadogan. She was very excited for the morning. Perhaps she would find the courage to ask if anything was going on with Victoria. But, would she be able to handle his admission of love if that was his feeling. That decision, she would save for the next day.