AN: Thanks so much for all of your comments! I love reading what others have to say about my story, and what you are thinking about it! Please keep reading, comments and criticisms are welcome! Enjoy
Chapter 22
Two weeks had passed since Kitty's confession to Mr. Cadogan and she and Mary had packed their trunks. The entire family was at the Burtons town home at the break of daylight to say their goodbyes. The sisters would not be seeing each other for quite some time, and had to make sure they saw Mary and Kitty off. Their nephews clung sleepily to their mothers but managed to give a big hug and kiss to each aunt. Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley said their goodbyes quickly and went to oversee the loading of the carriage, to give the sisters some time alone to say goodbye.
"Now you'll write won't you?" Lizzy said hugging Kitty and then moving to Mary.
"Of course! And you'll keep us updated with the baby, and if you need any help." Kitty smiled, looking at her sisters stomach which had gotten gradually bigger throughout the summer.
"Yes and I can come and help with Samuel as well, and I'm sure Mama and Papa would want to come and see the baby." Mary added.
Lizzy kissed them both once more and assured them that she would keep them updated. She gave each of their hands a tight squeeze and moved to the side so Jane could say her goodbyes. Jane hugged them both tightly and told them how much she and the boys would miss them. "Don't worry Jane, we'll write. And I will see you in October, remember?" Kitty said.
"Yes, yes of course, but we will still miss you." Jane said, a tear slipping from her eye. Goodbyes were always especially hard for Jane, she was the oldest and was always looking out for her sisters well being. And saying goodbye to Mary and Kitty was just the beginning, soon she would be saying good bye to her best friend, Lizzy.
"And we will miss you." Marry said, grabbing her sisters hand in assurance.
The sister stood and said goodbye for a few more moments. Georgiana and Sophie came down and gave their hugs as well. Then Kitty and Mary climbed into the carriage with the help of Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy. The sound of hooves echoed on the cobblestone and the carriage moved away from the fashionable town home.
Kitty and Mary sat silently for a while, remembering all that had happened while in London. The morning hours brought back vibrant memories to Kitty of her walks with Mr. Cadogan. She sat and relived various parts of their most enjoyable conversations. But then, her mind began to wander to that horrible last conversation, and her eyes filled with tears. Kitty was content with her silent reverie, but Mary broke the silence abruptly.
"Kitty, I need to tell you something. I probably should have told you a while ago, but I was embarrassed."
"Embarrassed of what? You can tell me anything." Kitty said, dabbing her eyes, then turning toward her sister."
"The day you returned from Lydia's, something happened, before you arrived."
"Something like what? Are you alright? Mary what is it?" Kitty pressed urgently, afraid something was terribly wrong.
"I'm fine Kitty, please calm down."
"Well it would be much easier to calm down if you would tell me what happened. Come on, you have me worrying."
"No need to worry, I said it was embarrassing, not scary. Anyhow, that afternoon, Mr. Rawlings called for me. We were just having lunch, so he joined us, but he was acting very strange. He couldn't seem to stop staring at me, and seemed almost nervous. So he asked if we could go for a walk and I naturally agreed. While we were walking, he, he proposed." Mary said, becoming quiet.
"Are you engaged? Mary Bennet! How could you not tell me?"
"No, no I am not engaged."
"But you just said he proposed." Kitty protested. Mary sat silently waiting for her sister to understand. Comprehension finally washed over Kitty's face. "You rejected him?" Kitty said in an unbelieving tone. Mary nodded, admitting to Kitty's discovery.
"How could you, you were such good friends, why would you not say yes?"
"Because I don't love him. And I have told you before I don't want to be married. I only wish I hadn't lost my friend over it." she sighed.
"That is why Mr. Rawlins has not come to call, and why you've been acting so strange." Kitty said with sudden realization.
"Yes, I wanted to tell you, but like I said, I was embarrassed."
"I just don't understand why you were so embarrassed, there is nothing shameful about a man proposing to you."
"Well, I just thought that you would have thought me in love with him if I told you about the proposal."
"Mary, you rejected him, how could I take that to mean you were in love with him?" Kitty laughed at her sisters unusual silliness. She was usually so level headed, and this was so very unlike her.
"I don't know." Mary answered, she blushed, realizing how foolish she had been to make so much of this. "I guess I didn't want everyone to make a big fuss over it."
"Well that, I suppose, I understand. I will not mention it to anyone, and won't bring it up again." Kitty smiled.
"Not even mama." Mary warned with a knowing eye.
"Agreed."
"Thank you Kitty, I'm glad I could tell you in confidence, I feel much better with it off my chest."
"You may tell me anything, anytime Mary, that is what sisters are for." Kitty smiled.
Mary felt much better after telling Kitty about Rawlins and was able to sit in silent reverie without it eating away at her conscience. They sat for an hour or so, occupying themselves with things they had brought with them in the carriage. Mary read her book, and Kitty set to her embroidery. Eventually, Kitty set her embroidery down and stared blankly out the window. While she sat, she thought about her future and came to a new realization.
"Mary, I am through."
"Through with what? Your embroider?" Mary asked, looking up from her book.
"No no, with men."
"What?" Mary laughed in unbelief.
"I am sick of falling for gentleman that will never fall for me. I can not handle feeling this hurt anymore, it's to much."
"I understand what your saying Kitty, but I can't imagine you ignoring handsome young gentleman for the rest of your life."
"Well, I'm going to." Kitty responded indignantly.
"And what are you going to do with yourself Kitty? I know you can not stand the silence Longbourne brings, so you'll have to find something else to do."
"I figure I can help with Lydia's children. They deserve someone who loves them and I know Lydia would love the help, she hates being around them so much."
"Very true, but are you sure you would be happy?" Mary gave her sister a knowing look.
"Of course I would be." Kitty tried to sound convincing, but Mary could tell it wasn't really what she wanted.
"Kitty Bennet, don't you lie to me, I know you better then that."
"Well, I would be happy enough, I love those kids. And I have no control over gentlemen falling in love with me. I may be able to fall in love with countless numbers of young men, but they will never love me. And I am not willing to settle for just anyone, like Mr. Clay. So, I will have to be happy at the Wickham's. At least I will be taken care of and won't have to worry about the Collins' taking Longbourne once papa dies."
"Kitty! Don't say such things! Papa is in fine shape, you needn't be worrying about that yet."
"I am only being realistic."
"No, you sound like mama." Mary laughed.
"Well perhaps mama has been right to worry all these years."
"Kitty, we will be fine, our sisters will make sure we are well taken care of."
"Yes I know."
"Now maybe it would be good for you to stop thinking about gentlemen. Live your life for you and what makes you happy now. Then maybe the perfect gentleman will fall in love with you when you aren't expecting it." Mary smiled, trying to offer her sister some comfort for her current feelings.
"The perfect gentleman will never come."
"And how do you know that?"
"Because he has already come, and he doesn't love me." Kitty said sadly.
Mary stayed silent as she watched sadness come over her sisters face. There wasn't much to say, Mary knew Kitty was thinking about Mr. Cadogan. She wished there was something she could do to make Kitty forget about him. But even Mary had thought they would make a lovely couple, and couldn't understand Mr. Cadogans lack of feeling.
The sisters sat in silence for the remainder of the carriage ride. Kitty thought about Mr. Cadogan as she stared out into the blue sky. And Mary thougth about what she had just said to her sister. What would make her happy? For so long reading and music had filled her life, but was it really enough?
Mr. and Mrs. Bennet stood outside of Longbourne as the carriage pulled up. They both wore smiles and seemed excited for their daughters return. Mr. Bennet would be satisfied to give each daughter a hug and kiss on the forehead, then would return to his study. Mrs. Bennet however required a full explanation of every event that took place while in London.
"I am so glad to have you both home. Your father had been absolutely insufferable since you've been gone. Although I must say your absence has been good for my nerves."
"Yes mother, I'm sure it has been." Mary sighed, sharing a look with Kitty.
"Now, what have you been up to? What happened in London, I want to hear about it all."
"Mother, I already told you what happened in my letters. There isn't really anything else to tell." Kitty smiled, taking a sip of her freshly poured tea. Mary smiled at her in thanks for her silence.
"Really Kitty, there had to have been more besides those drab letters you wrote me, I nearly fell asleep reading them."
Mary and Kitty exchanged glances, "Nothing at all mother."
"How do you two ever plan on marrying if you don't take being in London to the fullest advantage?"
"Perhaps we don't plan on being married mama." Mary said, smiling devilishly.
"Oh Mary! You do know how to aggravate my poor nerves! Is it to much to ask that you both settle so your poor mama can have some peace?"
"Mama, don't worry, we will be well taken care of, no matter what. Jane, Lizzy and Lydia will make sure of that."
"Lydia, ha! I barely got one letter a year from her, only to remind me of those children's birthdays."
"Not those children mama, they are your grandchildren. They are the most darling children in the world and they do love the gifts you send." Kitty smiled.
"Now there is something you have not yet told me about. Tell me all about my darling grandchildren. Of course I wish I could go visit them myself, but you know your Father would never hear of it. Still upset at Lydia and Wickham he is. Won't even go to visit his own grandchildren. Not to mention it is a very long carriage ride, I'm not really sure my nerves could take it even if your Father would allow us to go. If only Lydia would bring them here to Longbourne. But on second thought I'm not sure my nerves would be able to take that either."
"Mother!" Kitty stopped her mother before she mentioned her nerves again.
"What is it?" her mother asked confused.
"Would you like me to tell you about them?"
"Oh, oh yes of course."
Mary left the room and took up a book while Kitty told Mrs. Bennet about the Wickham children. Kitty managed to keep her somewhat entertained for about half an hour, at which point, her mother fell asleep in her chair. When Kitty realized, she merely smiled at the foolishness of her mother, and then went upstairs to begin to set her room right from the journey.
