What Family Guy Would Never Say

Hi, just to let you know, what inspired me to write this was the author Strawbery-kitten, who did "What Tokyo Mew Mew would Never Say."

Stewey: I wish there was peace on Earth...

Meg: Beautiful mother, handsome father, perfect brothers, cute doggy! I am going to join the cheer squad! (Jumps up and down with pom poms) Give me a C! Give me a H! Give me two E's! Give me a R! What does that spell! CHEER!

Chris: Mom! Dad! I made an A on my test!

Stewey: I think I am going to go to bible school this summer.

Lowis: Peter, I don't want to have sex with you anymore... I wanna have it with Qagmire.

Qagmire: Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-oh god! No, no! Not with Lowis! Anything, but that!

Stewey: I want to save the whales.

Peter: I want to become a vegetarian.

Lowis: I'm going to get a job.

Peter: No, forget the vegetarian thing, I'm going to become anirexic.

Meg: I love you Chris. Your so kind.

Lowis: I am going to follow my dream and become a circus clown! (Honks red nose and cartwheels out the door)

Qagmire: I think I'm gay... Peter looks sexy today!

Perverted old man who likes Chris: Chris stinks... I'm going for Lowis.

Stewey: (Singing) Jesus loves me, yes I know! For the bible tells me so! I think I am going to become a religious singer and then give my millions of dollars to the homeless.

Brian: I am going to stop drinking and become nicer to Stewey.

Chris: I want to marry Meg!

Brian: Yep, I have got to stop drinking... Did Chris say he wanted to marry Meg?

Meg: (Wearing wedding gown) I cant marry you Chris, I'm marrying Stewey.

Stewey: Well I cant marry you Meg, I'm marrying Bob.

All: Who's Bob?

Stewey: Oh, it's a long story you see, we met at a gay bar, and we talked...Yes...We talked a lot...Then he popped the big question...Did I mention I want to become a religious singer?

Peter: I wish I was Marilyn Monroe...(Sigh, then sings) Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Mr. President! Happy birthday to you!

Stewey: OH GOD! My ears are bleeding!

Peter: (Sigh)

Marilyn Monroe's agent: Marilyn, are you okay? You looked frightened...

Marilyn Monroe: I have the strangest feeling that a fat man wants to be me... Oh, have you seen that one episode on Family Guy?

Agent: Oh, yeah! That was awseome!

Chris: When I grow up I am going to become a fashion designer! (Looks at Brian's fur) You know Brian, that color doesn't look good on you! I think you would look better with a tranquil red color.

Brian: It's my fur though...

Chris: I know just trust me!

Chris dyes Brian's fur.

Chris: Do you love it!

Brian: (Looks in mirror) I'm not sure, but I do know I have seven years of bad luck.

Lowis: I can see the future! Peter is going to say something stupid!

Peter: Eggs are good... Oh my God! Lowis you can see the future! Okay, now do you see anything with Peter and Marilyn Monroe?

Lowis: You want to marry Marilyn Monroe?

Peter: Noooo! I want to become the next Marilyn Monroe.

Brian: I don't know, look what you did to Stewey singing the happy birthday song.

Stewey: What did you say! I'm a little hard of hearing! (Stewey's ears are blue)

Peter: Guess what everyone! There are no flash backs on this show!

Brian: Lowis, fall over dead!

Lowis: But I love you Brian!

Brian: Well SOR REE!

Lowis: And I was going to let you kiss me!

Peter: Man, I need more money... Hey LOWIS! You wanna become a hooker?

Chis: Dad, can I become a stripper?

Stewey: Life is beautiful.

Peter: Hey do I have a job?

Brian: Yeah, who works on this show?

Meg: I am going to blow up the White House! (Evil Laughter)

Peter: Not if I do it first!

Both race to the White House.

Stewey: Wait! We have to stick together! The White House is a beautiful place!...Like life.

Peter and Meg: (Nod heads) Yeah, your right.

Stewey: HA! SIC! (Throws bomb at White House then runs away) VICTORY IS MINE!

Peter: Well, the Lincoln Memorial is still up for blows.

Meg: I bet I can blow it up before you!

Peter: Bring it on!

Lowis: I have seem to misplace my glasses.

Brian: You wear glasses? How come I never seen them before?

Lowis: Because their invisable.

Chris: I wonder what period pads are? (Goes in Meg's cabnet and gets one.)

Meg: What are you doing!

Chris: (Is wearing the pad on his eyes) Their sleeping masks!

Brian: Uuuuh, Stewey, youknowthat place on my back where you scratch me that makes me thump my leg?

Stewey: Yeah.

Brian: Well, can you scratch for me?

Stewey scratches Brian.

Brian: OH YEAH! OH! OH! OOOOOOOOOOOH!

Chris hears the noise coming from Stewey's room...Takes clothes off and walks in.

Chris: Is their room for a threesome?

Brian and Stewey looks at him, shocked.

Chris: Ooopsie! Sorry!

Peter: I'm going to watch the Discovery Channel!

Lowis: I'm going to watch WWF!

Meg: I'm going to watch 7thHeaven!

Chris: I'm going to watch the news!

Brian: I'm going to watch World's Funniest Animals on Animal Planet!

Stewey: I'm going to watch infomercials of asking people to give money to the hungry children and I am going to give them Meg's whole entire colledge fund! Just let me wait for the number!...There it is!

Alien from American Dad: Oops! Wrong episode! The characters just look so much alike!

Peter: (dials number) Yeah, hello? Is this Men in Black?...I'll hold.

Hi! It's over! If you want just reply! (Zoom Out)

BlueEyedFun