Note: this fiction takes place in an alternate 2005

Eric Cartman's favorite movie

Lianne Cartman got Eric Cartman his favorite movie as a DVD for his birthday, which was his first since President Kerry's inauguration. She said "Hey sweetums, guess what i have for you". Eric opened his gift, and it was Passion of the Christ by Mel Gibson and then he said "Kewl". Little did he know the DVD he got was actually of a movie called Garden State, a recent romantic comedy starring Zach Braff and Natalie Portman, who of course is Jewish.

Eric then stuck the disk in the DVD player to start it. He saw a weird menu and said, "Maybe we get to see Jesus in modern times". The movie starts and the main character is attending therapy after a funeral, and he sees Natalie Portman's character with headphones on. There were no signs of Jesus, Romans or hooked nosed Jews with sacks of gold as the movie went on.

Eric was frustrated and whined "maamm, where is Jesus". Lianne replied, "give it more time, he'll show up". Eric waited and waited and saw zero explicit references to religion. He even was aware that Natalie Portman was Jewish which infuriated him due to the fact she was also rich, beautiful, smart, and kind which were all traits Eric was not. Eric got to the end of the movie and saw the guy kiss Natalie Portman in the airport.
Eric was angry and screamed "this movie wasn;'t about Jesus, it was about a whiny guy chasing a Jewess around" to his mom. They then returned the movie to the Best Buy because it had the wrong movie in it. They then purchased the correct movie, which was Passion of the Christ. Given who Eric is, he watched the whole movie twice and stayed up all night. Eric then slept through Mr. Garrison's class on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and why Spike was better than Angel for her.

The End