Chapter 25
Almost two weeks had gone by since Kitty had been confined to her bed. She had become so desperate she even started reading books to pass the time. Not Mary's kind of books, but romances that made her dream about what was possible. Kitty most looked forward to lunch and dinner because it was then that she got some company. Jane sent Sarah and Beth up with her lunch at 12 o'clock sharp, and they sat with her until she finished her soup. Then they came again promptly at 6 and brought their dinner to eat with her, such darling girls.
Kitty was beginning to feel better and thought that she would be up within a day or two. It was quarter of twelve and Kitty reached for her brush and began stroking her long dark hair in preparation for her two young visitors. Despite being ill, Kitty found no reason for her hair to lay in tangles all day. As she finished her brushing she heard a faint knock on the door. She thought it odd that Jane would send them early, but called for them to enter.
The door opened slowly, which was very unlike her nieces, they usually rushed right into the room. After a moment of no movement, Kitty looked toward the door and saw a single shadow of someone far to tall to be any of her nieces or nephews. Suddenly, a man's voice came from the doorway, Kitty recognized it immediately as Mr. Cadogans. Her breath caught in her throat and quickly turned and faced the opposite direction in her bed, not wanting to see him.
"Miss Kitty, may I come in?" he asked quietly. Kitty made no answer and laid in bed completely still, not knowing what to make of the situation.
"Your sister said I could come up as long as I promised not to upset you." he took a cautions step closer to her bed.
"What are you doing here?" Kitty spat, with more anger then she intended.
He was taken aback with her response and remained silent for a moment and then answered. "I heard you were ill."
"How did you hear that?"
"You wrote to Georgiana, and she told Sophie that was why you were not able to attend her wedding. And when I asked where you were, Sophie informed me of your condition."
"And you decided to set out for Clinton hall? For what purpose? You couldn't have been concerned with the health of a lady who you never want to speak to again." she spat. She could not account for his being there at all, and wanted an explanation. Was it possible that he was here to scold her more for her feelings?
"I, I wanted to make sure you were alright."
"You know Mr. Cadogan, there was another reason I did not wish to attend your sisters wedding."
"Yes, I know, because you didn't want to see me." Kitty could hear the sadness in his voice as he admitted his knowledge. At first Kitty was happy to hear his sadness, it justified all of her feelings. But then, she realized his sincerity, which made Kitty want to hear his reason for coming.
"Yes." she admitted.
"But I thought you probably didn't want to see me because of what I said the last time we spoke."
"Partly."
"And I also thought you didn't want to see me because of your feelings toward me."
"Yes."
"Well I have come to apologize for the way I spoke to you."
"Really?" Kitty said, suddenly more interested.
"It's more than that Miss Kitty, I need to do more then apologize."
"Well don't let me stop you."
"Kitty, when I heard you were ill, I had to come."
"And that is precisely what I don't understand. Why did you have to come?" Kitty pressed, she needed an explanation.
"Because I can't loose you."
"And why is that?"
"Because I have already lost one woman I love, and I can't stand to loose another one to an illness."
"What?" Kitty was absolutely in shock.
"Kitty, I love you.. I have for quite some time."
"What, why didn't you tell me?" Kitty still had her back turned to him.
"Because, I, I was scared. I thought that loving you, meant that I was betraying Amelia."
"I never meant that you should stop loving Amelia."
"I know, I know. I don't know that you really want to hear this, but would you mind turning around while I say it?"
"Oh, oh yes of course, I'm sorry." She was reluctant to move because she knew her emotions were well concealed with her back to him. She took a deep breath, composing herself, then slowly turned in her bed to face him. He looked so handsome, his eyes were so familiar, she had missed him so very much.
"Kitty, I have loved you since the moment I watched you come down the stairs the night of the Burtons dinner party in London, but I would not allow myself to admit it. I grew increasingly frustrated that you were growing attached to Mr. Lowell, I knew you deserved so much better, even if it wasn't me. Of course, that is why I looked into his character, I couldn't bear for you to marry a man that wasn't worthy. But after you served all acquaintance with him, I felt that you thought of me as more of an elder brother. This feeling helped me in suppressing my feelings toward you."
"Truthfully I didn't want to love you, I felt like I was betraying Amelia. When you admitted your feelings, I was still trying to hide my own. I was shocked by your admission, so I reacted in the only way I could, and I am terribly sorry." he stopped to take a breath and Kitty made no comment, but waited for him to continue. "After I walked you home, I couldn't believe what I had said, I took a very long walk, during which I allowed my feelings to surface. It took me ten minutes to realize how foolish I was, but pride and fear stopped me. After what I said, I couldn't face you, because I thought you would never forgive me. But then, I heard you were sick, and I had to come, no matter how I thought you'd respond."
He took a deep breath as he finished his speech. His eyes searched her face, trying to discover what she was thinking, feeling. Kitty stayed motionless, completely shocked by what he had told her. Her mouth had fallen open after he admitted how long his feelings had spanned. She waited so long to hear those words, and now, she was speechless. Finally she managed to bring her jaw closed and smiled, giving Mr. Cadogan some hope that her feelings hadn't changed.
Cadogan reached for Kitty's hand and held them tightly. "I love you Kitty, and I am so very sorry for hurting you. Please know that was never my intention."
Kitty's eyes filled with tears, she had dreamt of him saying those words. She could hardly believe it was finally happening. Here he was, for her, and he loved her! She was overjoyed and had never felt such happiness. Everything was going to be alright, no, everything would be more than alright, it would be wonderful.
"I love you too." she smiled, glassy eyed.
"Oh Kitty, I am so happy to hear you say that."
"Come now, you couldn't have thought that my feelings would change after I expressed them so violently and without shame." she laughed, beginning to feel comfortable with him again.
Mr. Cadogan held her hand tightly then slipped from his chair and kneeled before her. "Kitty, you have brought light into my life after such a long period of darkness. You brought me out of my hiding place and helped me to find my smile again. I will always love Amelia, she is apart of me. But my love for you is just as strong but separate and you are part of me as well. I will love you like no one else, forever, and I need you to believe that. Now that I have said that, Katharine Bennet, will you do me the honor of accepting my hand?"
Once again, Kitty was speechless, but she managed to nod her head in agreement. She smiled brightly, realizing that her greatest hope would finally come true. He stood quickly and wrapped his arms tightly around her, picked her up from her bed and spun her around the room. Slowly he placed her back on her bed and released his grip and moved toward her face. Kitty's throat tightened and her heart leapt, but, she couldn't.
"No." she whispered, and turned her head quickly.
"Darling, we are betrothed, and alone, it is alright." he smiled.
"No Mr. Cadogan, not right now."
"Dear, please call me Andrew, and, why not?"
"Look at me! I am in my bed clothes and my hair is not done. I am not even happy that you saw me in such as state, let alone proposed to me. But, that I suppose I can accept, but I absolutely refuse to remember my fist kiss in such attire." she smiled.
"You are going to make me wait so long?"
"Not that long, I really am feeling better."
"But I leave tomorrow my dear. I left Hannah with my parents and promised to be no longer than 3 days."
"Can you stay for a morning walk?" Kitty asked mischievously.
"I do believe I could, but I would need to leave after lunch."
"Then we shall walk in the morning." she smiled.
He was happy with her idea, and happy at her acceptance. He kept her company for the remainder of the evening and even took his dinner upstairs with her. They talked the entire night and the only moments of silence occurred when they both took a drink or bite at the same time.
During their conversation they decided on several things. First, Kitty decided that it was important for her to finish out the moth at Jane's with the Wickham children. With that in mind, the pair decided on a winter wedding in early December. While Kitty was at Jane's, Andrew would look for an estate in the country for them, for neither wanted to move into the house that he and Amelia had lived in. He also informed Kitty of how much he had a year, 8,000 pounds, her mother would be very pleased indeed.
Andrew stayed well into the evening and Kitty felt better than she had in weeks. Eventually, he left so that she could get some much needed rest. Once he had left, she was anxious to write to her mother and Mary and Georgiana, but really was very tired. The letters would have to wait until Andrew left the next day. Kitty fell asleep easily, she had been tired, and had such sweet dreams.
She woke extremely early the next morning for she felt she needed extra time to get ready after being in bed for two weeks. Her white day dress was chosen and she placed a deep crimson ribbon to tie around her waist and a matching one for her hair. She pinched her cheeks several times to make some of her pallid sickly color disappear. After one last glance in the mirror, she headed down the grand staircase of Clinton Hall.
"Good morning my dear." Andrew smiled as he set his paper down to appraise her. He looked handsome, no coat and his cravat was quite loose, informally attired, but Kitty thought it suited him.
"Good morning Andrew. I must admit, I do love calling you Andrew."
He smiled, "Shall we walk then?"
"Oh yes please, although, you may have to help me a bit, I haven't walked in two weeks."
"I assure you, I shall have no problem keeping your arm tightly in mine for the entirety of our walk." he could not manage to stop smiling.
They set out together and had the most wonderful time. Everything was so much easier not that they could express whatever they were feeling. Time passed quickly and it was nearly noon as they turned the corner to enter Kitty's favorite place at Clinton Hall. As she turned, she was greeted by a red blanket thrown on the ground and on it a place setting for two. A large basket sat on the corner and Kitty could only guess it was lunch for them.
"How?" she turned toward him with a sweet smile.
"I spoke with your sisters cook last night. Although she couldn't manage to pack any soup, I hope you don't mind." he smiled.
"Not at all...I love you." she said quietly. His face sobered and he pulled her close. She looked down at the ground, she was so nervous, but he would not have it this time. He gently lifted her chin and brought his lips to hers. She felt a rush run through her body and then felt weak, but she knew she was safe with his strong arms wrapped around her.
They sat and enjoyed their lunch until Andrew announced that he had to leave. He walked Kitty back to the house and stole one more kiss before his departure. He promised to write and that he would bring Hannah to see her soon. Now all there was to do, was to tell everyone, and plan the wedding.
