Sorry I have not updated in so long, but our phone line was down due to the snow and a faulty wire. It has been driving me crazy – I went on someone else's computer the other day and I only had time to check to see what stories were updated and to also type up a few reviews.
I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Thank you, all of my reviewers!
Disclaimer: I take full credit for what me and my mind come up with – things such as characters, bits of exploding scenery, etc. – the rest I give due credit to Andrew Lloyd Webber, Gaston Leroux, and Susan Kay.
Erik vs. José the Dancing SkeletonA human skeleton named José had barged into the bathroom when Erik was in the tub, singing the KUMBIAH camp song and tap dancing across the tiles, bony heels a-clicking, interrupting a jolly good game of kill the fop.
Dismayed, the Phantom dropped his miniature lasso, candle, and homemade Fop voodoo doll into the sudsy water and then grabbed a loofa, brandishing it at the shimmying set of bones.
Ignoring him, it hopped up on the vanity and started doing a one-skeleton dance line while belting out "New York, New York."
It snapped its fingers and a black top hat and a cane popped out of thin air.
Erik watched, stunned, as it went on to do the whole "All that jazz" number, "Silver Bells", and "Jellicle Cats" in various voices.
Then it spied Erik amidst the bubbles.
It flew into the tub with a giggle and started tickling the Opera Ghost with gusto.
This caused a fountain of suds to erupt from the Phantom's nose, squirting the skeleton and anything else that was in range.
He spluttered and sunk down into the water, trying his hardest to bash the gleeful, tickling maniac over the head with the loofa. Flailing around like a demented mongoose and hissing, he managed to knock the skeleton's top hat off.
It froze, watching as its matte black crown sunk beneath the surface with a glurp, and then started sobbing uncontrollably, using Erik's hair as a tissue.
The twitching Phantom had had just about enough.
He flew out of the tub, modesty be damned, and tore out of the room, running stark naked down the hall.
Skidding to a halt, he dove into his bedroom and flung his door shut, locking it securely, and then squeezed behind the organ.
Huddled on the floor, he waited for over an hour before he deemed it safe enough to come out and tread carefully to his closet.
Donning his usual attire and then grabbing a black velvet mask, he slipped out through a secret door and walked the perimeter of his house. Cautiously, he peeped into various rooms, trying to ascertain where the troublesome set of bones was.
He finally found it in the parlor sitting in his favorite chair reading a book. To get a better view, he decided to crawl into the fireplace.
Now, hanging by his feet from an advantageously placed pole in the flue, (and looking disturbingly like a giant bat) he watched confusedly as the skeleton jumped up, threw the novel it was reading across the room, and cried,
"Elizabeth, HOW COULD YOU! You and Mr. Darcy are meant for each other!"
ARRRRGHHH!
It sank back down in the chair, sighed, and then eyed the fireplace.
Erik, wondering what it was up to looked on curiously.
It pulled itself up and then headed for the fireplace. Snapping its fingers, a match, lighter fluid, and a gigantic wad of newspaper appeared. Erik, realizing what it was going to do, tried to pull himself up but found that one leg of his pants was stuck on a rusty nail sticking out of the brick wall.
He frantically tugged at his pants as the skeleton threw the newspaper into the grate and then poured at least half the bottle of lighter fluid on top of it.
With a hiss, the matched flared to life and it was thrown in.
The newspaper alighted with a WOOSH! At the same time that Erik ripped himself free. The Phantom fell straight into the flames with a yelp, startling the skeleton that had started to look around the room for the book it had chucked.
It watched, stunned, as a living ball of fire leaped out of the grate and made for the door.
Following, it saw it rush through the house and then bobble outside to the lake, where it made a great leap and splashed into the water.
After a moment, it caught some movement where the flame had disappeared.
Floating to the surface with a sizzle was a man clothed completely in black, with a melted black velvet mask plastered to his face. A good part of his shirt was burned off and most of his hair was singed to the point of cracking off.
He was moaning softly and muttering angrily to himself,
"Damn, possessed, physically impossible, annoying, skeleton of evil."
"I shall destroy you…" he tried to paddle himself back to shore but found that he could barely raise his arms, "…as soon as I am physically able."
He shot a death glare in the direction of the now terrified set of bones.
It froze and then shakily raised its fingers.
"Oh no! You put those down! I am not through with you."
It shivered in fright and then snapped them, disappearing into thin air.
Erik gave a shout,
"YOU COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"
But it was of no use. The skeleton was gone.
He feebly swam back to shore and climbed out, watching as his clothes disintegrated off, some pieces sticking to his burnt skin, and shuddering at the memory of the invasion of his home by the cheerful, dancing skeleton.
It had been a frightening and abusive day for the Phantom and he headed inside wearily to go and nurse his wounds.
WINNER: José the Dancing Skeleton
LOSER: Erik
