Ishandahalf – Wow. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to go huddle up into a ball at that last chapter. Mea culpa.
I'm sure this isn't necessary, but I feel that its my reasonability to point this out. Please note the rating change of the story.
Thanks to Spiffythefaery for blah, blah, blah. She knows by now.
Monday
7:00 pm
"Are you serious?"
"Am I ever not?"
Pietro glared at his father. "This isn't some kind of sick, twisted joke?"
"I would hope you have a better opinion of my humor than that."
"You're not toying with me? Not tantalizing me with the promise of something before snatching it away?"
"For heaven's sake, shut up already. I'm not joking."
"So you're really going to be out of town for the next week?" Wanda asked.
"No. I merely packed my luggage because the Food Network was showing reruns," Magneto replied dryly.
"You watch the Food Channel? I'm not the only one!"
Magneto sighed. "I was being sarcastic, Fred. Now sit back down so I can explain what is going on, without the annoying questions.
"I will be out of town this week. I am leaving early tomorrow and I anticipate my return in a weeks time."
"Sabretooth is going to be watching us?" Lance asked with a look of disgust. Magneto shook his head. "No actually. Neither Sabretooth nor Pyro will remain here."
"What? Why?"
"I have to take Sabretooth to Space Camp. Pyro wants to attend some romance novel writers convention across the country and I can't leave him unattended."
"So, who'll be watching over us?" Todd asked.
"Unfortunately no one was up to the task. Mastermind mysteriously vanished when I tried to bring up the subject. Mystique said she wouldn't get near you all again without a tank. I even asked that weird hippie kid, but he threatened to turn the house into a giant puppet." 1
"What about Xavier?"
"Charles? He can barely stand his wards without diving off the deep and into his liquor. Logan said he'd stop by once in a while, only to make sure that the house was still standing. Other than that, you're on your own."
"No adults? No chaperones? No rules!" Pietro declared joyously.
"There are still rules, Pietro. You will still attend school – not that any of you learn, but you will go nevertheless. You will not destroy anything in the house, and I've made an inventory. You will not get arrested, otherwise you stay in jail. And you will not break into my room or my study. Am I clear?"
"So other than that we're free?"
"Just one more. No parties. Especially ones with alcohol."
Friday
8:00 pm
Magneto pulled out his cell phone with a nasty glare. He was sure that he had given instructions that he was not to be disturbed. Irritated, he flipped his phone open.
"What?"
There was a loud screech from the phone. Magneto pulled the speaker away from his ear.
"Shhhh," a muffled voice said from the other end of the phone, as the screeching quickly stopped. Hesitantly, Magneto repositioned the phone.
"What?" he barked.
"All right, I'm gonna do it, ready?" the muffled voice said, but not through the phone. The voice was so soft Magneto could barely discern the identity of the person on the other end, but he sounded like Todd.
"Todd? What's the meaning of this?"
"Okay. I'd like 4 large pepperoni pizzas, 4 medium cheese, 4 extra large with an extra order of anchovies delivered to 1634 Graymalkin Lane."
"Are you trying to prank call me and have me deliver pizzas to Xavier?"
There was no response as the screeching resumed. Magneto realized belatedly that the screeching was what passed for music these days, and it was accompanied by the shouts of many teenagers. Way too many teenagers.
Magneto slammed his phone shut and frowned. Slowly he got to his feet and began to collect his things. He was going home.
Saturday
7:00 am
Magneto looked at his house, aghast. Red plastic cups, aluminum cans, and bottles littered the yard. The gutters had been pulled loose. The windows were all cracked, if not broken outright. As Magneto approached the front door, he noticed with disgust that there were myriad amounts of clothing thrown about the yard.
As he placed his hand on the doorknob, his attention was grabbed by a loud moaning coming from nearby. Turning, he noticed Todd was lying in the bushes.
"My head," the boy moaned. His long hands grabbed the aforementioned and he slowly opened his eyes. Bright light rushed in, forcing him to wince. His eyes narrowed, he looked up at Magneto.
"Am I still drunk?"
"Perhaps. What do you see?"
"Magneto, looking really pissed."
"Then you're quite sober."
"Oh shit."
"Get up," Magneto hissed between clenched teeth. Todd moaned but tried to get to his feet. Magneto cast a glance towards John, who had remained quiet since arriving at the house. "Give him a hand."
Without a backward glance, Magneto thrust the door open.
There were no words to describe what had happened to the inside of his house. There was more garbage then on the outside, more cups and cans, and more discarded pieces of clothing. Over in the corner were four kegs, all of which had been completely emptied. Lying on couches, asleep, were Fred, Lance, and Pietro.
As John helped Todd hobble into the house, Magneto glared. Levitating the empty kegs, he let the kegs fall from over five feet, to directly on top of the sleeping boys.
They groaned in pain and their eyes snapped open.
"What gives?" Lance moaned.
Fred blinked rapidly to clear his head. Pietro jumped into a sitting position.
"Whoever did that is going to pay!" the silver haired youth declared with a glare.
"Really?" As the cobwebs cleared, the boys began to comprehend just what was going on.
"Ah crap."
"I don't think that even begins to describe the situation you're in."
"We can explain!"
"I'm very interested in what you have to say. Especially the part where you threw a giant party, which earned several citations, how you managed to acquire not one, but four, kegs, how you all managed to get extremely drunk when you're not old enough to touch alcohol, and how you broke every rule I gave you when I left. Please, enlighten me."
There was a pause.
"Maybe we can't."
"I thought not. You three," Magneto turned to look at the boys sans Pietro, "are grounded for three weeks. No television, no going out on the weekends, no leaving the house except for school and detentions. In fact, no fun at all.
"And as for you," Magneto's tirade continued as he looked towards Pietro, "not only are you subject to the same punishments, but you will be going to Xavier's every day to clean the Danger Room and wax the X-Jet."
"What? Why do I get more punishment? That's bullshit."
"You were the mastermind. You're being punished for thinking."
"It was not my idea! It was Wanda's!"
"I doubt that. Speaking of which, where is she?"
Magneto didn't even bother to knock. While he should have been glad that Wanda had at least managed to get back to her room from the previous night, he was very concerned that she did not go there alone. He recalled what had happened with her previous boyfriends.
The door was locked. Understandable, expected, and not a problem. Using his natural gift, Magneto unlocked the door and threw it open forcefully. He stormed into the room, a rant on the tip of his tongue.
Wanda's room was a complete mess. Clothes were strewn everywhere, her desk was cluttered as stationary had been flung out of the normal positions. The only thing that had remained where it had always been was the bed. The sheets were tangled and the down comforter covered a large lump – a lump that could only be Wanda.
"Wanda!" Magneto barked. The sheets shifted slightly she poked her head out. Upon seeing her father she paled.
"Father? What are you doing here?"
"I don't believe that it matters why I am here. It is much more important for you to explain to me just what happened last night."
"Last night? Nothing happened," Wanda replied immediately with in a defensive tone.
"Nothing happened? I've been downstairs Wanda. I saw the tickets the police left. I know what happened."
"You mean the party?"
"No, I mean the circus. Of course, I mean the party! How you could have allowed those imbeciles to talk you into it is beyond me! But you were irresponsible and you will face the consequences for your behavior."
"I didn't do anything!"
"And now you're lying to me! Wanda Maximoff, you are only…" Magneto trailed off as the sheets began to shift again, accompanied by a groan.
"Wanda, turn that radio off. It's too early," the voice moaned. Magneto's eyes jumped open in shock. Wanda began to turn a bright red. Without hesitating, Magneto grabbed the sheets and yanked them off –to reveal a completely naked Tabitha Smith lying in bed with his equally as nude daughter.
The cup of coffee was shaking violently. Magneto sat at the kitchen table, shuddering uncontrollably. His hand was wrapped around the mug while his eyes stared off into the distance, haunted by what he had just seen.
The boys were gathered around the table, staring at Magneto. They had run upstairs after he let out a screech and had encountered him in the hall, trembling, just as Wanda's door slammed shut. They'd brought him downstairs and given him the cup of coffee. He hadn't taken a sip. He hadn't said a word. He hadn't even looked at them. He just sat there, nursing the coffee. The boys said nothing, watching him in silence.
"Man, I'm so tired!" Tabitha shouted she entered the kitchen. The boys turned to look at her in shock; they were unaware that she had spent the night. Magneto pulled away, still trembling.
"Sweet! Coffee," Tabitha said as she snatched the cup directly from Magneto's hand. The boys shock grew. No one ever took Magneto's things. No one. However, he did nothing.
"Oh man, I needed that. You guys threw one hell of a party last night."
The boys looked at Magneto. Still, nothing.
"So, 'Nuto, what are you doing back? I thought you were out of town 'til next week."
There was no reply.
"Fine. Just trying to have a conversation. Well, I'm going to see if Wanda wants breakfast." That said, Tabitha got up and left, neglecting to take any food with her.
"I don't know what to do, Charles," Magneto said as he sat in the study of his old friend.
"I find that cheap whiskey will solve any problem."
"No Charles, I'm not discussing some silly problem. This is serious; I don't know what to do."
"Oh stop whining. You'll figure something out, you always do."
"I can't. I don't know what do to Charles! I need your help. Tell me what do to!"
Xavier looked at his old friend briefly before reaching over and smacking him in the face. "You can act like a man! And stop crying!" 2
Magneto's eyes slid out of focus for a moment, before he turned his gaze on Xavier. The psychic flinched slightly under the glare, until Magneto's lips twisted into a slight grin.
"Thank you Charles. I needed that."
"So what are you going to do?"
"The same thing I always do, try to takeover the world!" 3
"I meant about Wanda."
"Oh. I'll wing it."
"I'm not talking to you."
"Come on, we had misunderstanding and I apologized. Let bygones be bygones."
Kurt narrowed his eyes in anger. "You never apologized."
"Let's not get caught up with specifics."
"I'm still not talking to you."
"Look, it's in the past. You kissed Wanda; I shaved off your fur. We're even."
"You glued my mouth shut and left me in the penguin exhibit. I nearly got hypothermia!"
"Kurt, we can squabble over the past all you want, but we won't get anywhere. Isn't it time to move on?"
"To what?"
"To do that voodoo that you do so well!" 4
"You want me to perform an exorcism on Wanda?"
"Exorcism? I never said that."
"Then what do you mean by voodoo?"
"Whatever you think necessary, padre," Magneto replied with a wink.
Sunday
5:00 pm
Magneto walked into the house, only to see Tabitha planted in front of the television. She was smacking down on a piece of gum, sporadically blowing bubbles. Magneto sent a nasty glance at the back of her head.
"What are you doing here?"
"Huh? Oh, what's up 'Nuto?"
"You did not answer my question, Ms. Smith. Why are you here? You haven't left in three days."
Tabitha shrugged. "More fun over here."
"Go home Tabitha."
Tabitha stretched and stifled a yawn. "Already am."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Already home 'Nuto. Moved in this morning."
"Moved in? To where?"
Tabitha looked at him with an expression that clearly stated his lack of intelligence. "Wanda's room."
"Oh no you don't."
Tabitha shrugged again as she unwrapped another piece of gum. "Didn't want to really, but Wanda insisted."
"We'll see about that." Magneto began to walk away when he noticed where Tabitha had placed the discarded wrapper.
"Is that my helmet?"
"This thing? I thought it was a garbage can."
"You've been using my helmet as a garbage can!"
"What am I supposed to think it is? Who else has a bucket lying around?"
"Get rid of that trash and clean it up!"
"Make me."
Magneto glared at Tabitha, tempted to extract all the iron in her blood. Very tempted.
"I'm putting my foot down!"
Wanda glanced up at her father, who was apoplectic. "What'd Pietro do this time?"
"This has nothing to do about your brother. I am referring to that minx who claims she's moving in."
Wanda frowned. "She isn't claiming. She already did."
"And you think you're the only one who gets a say in it?"
"No one else complained."
"They don't count."
"It's a democracy, ain't it? One man, one vote."
"Quite astute. One man, one vote. I'm the one man with the one vote. She isn't moving in."
"She has nowhere else to go."
"She can go back to Xavier's."
"Already kicked out."
"I don't care. She isn't staying in your room."
"Then give her another room."
"I don't want her under my roof!"
"Look. Either way, she's gonna be here a lot. So she can either stay in my room, where she'd end up anyway or I can spend all my time at her place. So what's it going to be?"
Magneto narrowed his eyes in frustration, when a cunning idea hit him. "Fine Wanda. She can stay."
"Is this some kind of sick, twisted joke?" Tabitha asked incredulously.
"You want to remain here, in my house, then you follow my rules."
"But, isn't this a bit – extreme?"
"If you wish to remain here, then you room with Toad."
"But he smells!"
"He was the only person who was willing to have you as a roommate."
"Come on. Why couldn't I stay with Lance or Pietro? Even Freddy! Hell, I'd sleep in the same bed as Pyro!"
"Too bad."
"Fine," Tabitha spat out as she began to mutter under her breath. Magneto cracked a slight grin and walked away.
Monday
6:30 pm
"You deliberately put those there!" Magneto accused with a long, bony finger thrust in Tabitha's general direction. The sight would have been fearsome had the mutant menace not been splattered with spaghetti sauce and have a few strings of pasta hanging from his face.
Tabitha didn't even bother to hide a smirk. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't feign ignorance with me. My food does not randomly explode!"
"A lot of strange things happen in this house."
"You threw one of those 'bam-bam' balls into my food! This is unacceptable!"
"So is living with Todd."
Magneto set his jaw as his eyes burned with rage. He took a deep breath before bellowing, "Fred, Tabitha is destroying food!"
Tuesday
8:00 am
"From now on, you are forbidden from entering Wanda's room after 4:30 in the afternoon."
"Take you all night to think of that one?"
"Considering you kept me up all night, yes."
"You're just bitter you aren't getting some."
"For the sake of civility, I will ignore that comment. But you will abide by my rules."
"Or else what, old man?"
"That's it!"
10:00 pm
Wanda looked up at her father as he walked in the room. She hadn't seen him all day. This was unusual, but not unheard of. However someone else had been missing as well.
"Father, have you seen Tabitha?"
"Tabitha?"
"Yeah, I haven't seen her all day. It's not like her."
Magneto frowned and sat down next to her. "I'm sorry Wanda, but I don't think Tabitha's coming back."
"What do you mean?"
"She left this morning, saying that she hated it here and wanted nothing to do with anyone who lives here, including you."
"She said that?"
"Not in so many words."
"So where did she go?"
"I imagine somewhere to cool off."
Tabitha groaned as she looked at the vast, continuous wasteland of snow.
"Who knew the old coot was so sensitive about his age. The bastard." Tabitha could do nothing but frown as she continued to look out at the snow, thankful that she had been left a coat.
Wednesday
2:35 pm
"You really need to stop doing that," Xavier said as he poured Magneto a glass of whiskey.
"What? Drinking?"
"Not that. You need to stop being so violent with Wanda's significant others."
"Stop? Whatever for?"
"I have to keep cleaning up for you. Not to mention paying all the bills."
"What are you talking about?"
Xavier frowned. "I had to pay for Sam's therapy, I had to pay for Roberto's medical bills, I had to pay for Scott, Remy, and Piotr's physical and mental damage. And now I've had to council Kurt while having nonstop phone calls from Gabrielle, complaining about how I hurt Lucas."
"And your point is?"
"I can't afford it anymore. You need to be gentler. Or just make sure Wanda goes out with people who aren't under my care."
"Don't blame me for that. If I had my way she wouldn't be going out at all."
Xavier didn't reply as he was distracted by the telephone ringing. Wheeling himself over to the desk, he picked up the receiver.
"Hello?"
…
"Calm down and try to explain it rationally."
…
"That can't be right."
…
"I'm sure of it."
…
"No, Eskimos don't live in Siberia."
…
"Tabitha, just stay where you are, I'll send Logan to pick you up." Xavier hung up the phone with a sigh. He cast a sideway glance at Magneto.
"Siberia? You honestly sent her to Siberia?"
"I sent her to Siberia? I meant to drop her off in Norway. Must have taken a wrong turn at Iceland."
"You sent to Siberia just because she called you old?"
"What are you implying?"
"Erik, you aren't a young man anymore."
Magneto narrowed his eyes. "Finish that thought, and I'll glue a rainbow colored wig to your head." 5
1 – Family Guy
2 – The Godfather
3 – Pinky and the Brain
4 – Blazing Saddles
5 – The Simpsons, when George H.W. Bush moves next door
