Disclaimer: Still don't own anything OTH related. Song, in bolded italics, used in this chapter is Boston by Augustana.


Chapter 3

Her father told her that she wouldn't find answers out on the open road and that she was just running. So what if she was? At least it was better then hiding right in front of the people she wanted to let in.

The past would always be there no matter how far she ran he'd reply. Of course she already knew that and that one day it would catch up with her. But at least in the future, she'd be that much stronger and that much more ready to handle it.

Until then, Peyton continued to speed along the open road with the top down, letting the wind blow through her once again curly, longer hair and with the sun on her back. The company of choice was the radio. Music had been the one constant in her life. It never let her down. No matter what mood she was in, there was always a perfect song for every mood. And this time was no different. Peyton listened as the sound of the piano began the song.


FLASHBACK

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? oh it has begun...

"You know I looked at my life and I saw two options, Luke – either I could stay in Tree Hill and be someone I'm not happy being or I could take the this trip and change…maybe grow into the person I'm meant to be," she explained to Lucas over the phone.

"But you didn't have to leave, Peyton. We could have gotten through whatever is together," Lucas replied. He wanted her to come home.

Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed...you said...

"Look," Peyton kept her voice soft. She wasn't angry or upset with anyone but she was growing tired of defending her decision. "You've always been there saving me. Even if you didn't realize it, it meant more to me than you'll ever know. But I can't let you keep doing it anymore,"

"Are you saying you left because of me?"

"Lucas…"

"Just answer the question, Peyton," he said impatiently. "Did you leave because of me?"

You don't know me, you don't even care
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

"I left for a lot of reasons. You know, before we even talked a few years ago, I was an angry person. I blamed everything and everyone for taking my mom away from me. And for a long time I thought that I would never be able to love or be loved again, but…" she stopped herself for a moment, wondering if she had to finish saying it.

Essential and appealed, carry all your thoughts across an open field,

The silence that fell between them let them both think about what Peyton was saying. For months she had kept her love for Lucas a secret. She had been scared to let him in and regretted it ever since. But wasn't the point of this journey to let go of her past, her grievance, and her regrets? Now was her chance to begin to start over.

When flowers gaze at you...they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

"But you changed that, Luke. You looked past my imperfections and you opened up my heart again. Lucas, I…"

"Don't," he suddenly interrupted, "Don't say it because it doesn't mean anything anymore. Peyton you can't just tell me all this when you're miles away or when it's convenient for you,"

"Convenient? You think feeling this way, knowing that I had my chance and blew it, knowing that you're with Brooke now is convenient? I've tried so hard to be happy for you and Brooke but I just couldn't let you go,"

"Is that why you kissed in me the parking lot before you left?" he asked with a bitter tone in his voice, "Was that you trying to let go? Or was that you just being selfish?"

"Selfish?"

"You can't just kiss me like that and then leave me all alone to deal with all this on my own. I'm with Brooke, Peyton. What am I supposed to tell her? And what about Haley and Nathan? You didn't even have the guts to say goodbye to anyone. Do you know Haley is beating herself up for you leaving? She's blaming herself for not being a better friend,"

You don't know me, you don't even care,
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

"NO," she said angrily. "You don't get to make me feel guilty for doing this. Especially since you only left a letter when you left to Charleston. And I never blamed anyone for this," she took a couple of breaths to calm herself, "I never meant for that kiss to happen. Yeah, I was going to make a clean break, but I looked back at you and I saw you standing there, watching me with that shy smile on your face… and knowing that probably was the last time I'd ever see you in a long time…"

Peyton remembered pulling Lucas down towards her. The moment their lips met, she could tell by the tension in his lips that he was surprised but they quickly loosened and kissed her back with just as much passion.

"…and maybe I was selfish for kissing you, but at least now I know,"

"But it doesn't mean much does it?" He hated her for making him feel this way again. His broken heart that he had buried was exposed again and it hurt even more knowing that she wasn't coming home. He had to bury it again.

"Lucas…"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Peyton. I get it now…you want to run and do this on your own, than go ahead. You want that clean break, well here it is; Don't bother sending that letter and don't bother calling me. Goodbye, Peyton,"

END FLASHBACK



She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,

Nobody said that soul searching was easy, especially knowing when you've hurt the people you've left behind. There were times where Peyton questioned her quest and thought numerous times of turning around and head back East. But her own heart wouldn't let her. It hadn't healed yet.

I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...

It wasn't just her romantic heart that belonged to the boy she left in Tree Hill that still needed to be pieced back together. It was the other part of her heart that had lost two mothers; that longed for her father to just spend some time with her; and the heart that loved her friends, especially her best friend, unconditionally that had been shattered time and time again. Her heart had just been broken too many times and never fully healed.

I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...

It had taken her about a month and a half to accomplish her feat but she finally arrived at her destination. It wasn't by choice, however; her car had actually broken down in a small town. Peyton chalked it up to fate or something like that and decided that this would be the place she would call home, at least for now anyways.

As luck, or fate, would have it, college students had already moved back home, leaving many somewhat affordable apartments available for her to choose from. The longer she stayed in the town, the more in love she fell with her new surroundings. The city wasn't too big or too small – it was perfect. Her long road trip was now over but her healing was just beginning.

I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston...where no one knows my name...

So now here she was looking out over the new town from the balcony. It wasn't Boston but it was somewhere where she could start her new life over. Somewhere where no one knew her name.


A/N: Sorry it took me longer to get this chapter up, (I was listening to Augustana while editing and then I ended up rewriting, combining two chapters and using Boston in this chapter. It could be a bit better but I think it turned out ok…I'm just iffy on the LP dialogue. Let me know what you guys think.