Right, right, the mines. Since Feral Zeke never happened in this 'verse, maybe something different needs to be done to get the statues missing. Thanks for reviewing, AnonBrowser, lordgemini and OmniIBIBUltraInstinctGodzilla.
The next challenge the producers had assigned was dangerous. Like, really dangerous. They even made me send Dakota down into the mines like a canary. After half an hour down there, she actually passed out, but at least she seemed okay when she woke up. Even her hair was still intact. As for the classic competitor, well, I gave him a hazmat suit with ventilation. He'd be fine. And if you're wondering who I asked back…
"How's it hanging, homeboy?" I asked the homeschooled gangsta.
"Hanging where, eh?" Ezekiel asked, looking confused. I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed. "Sorry, brah, haven't heard that one before. Same as what's up, right?"
I nodded. "You ready to get the suit on and hide the statues in the mines?"
"Word!" Zeke agreed, grinning. "Any hotties to introduce me to on here? I swear, I know how to talk to girls now!"
I shrugged. "I don't know your type. Most of the girls are gone. Just don't flirt with Jo – she'll most likely knock you out. I've seen what she does to guys she actually likes. I'll be watching in my trailer. Anyway, good luck!"
It was sort of a relief to think about a challenge again, even though I spent the whole thing watching the cameras in my trailer. I told Chef to take them to the opening of the mine. But no, I did not tell him to lock them in a detachable freezer and drive them up there just so he had the excuse to refuse to feed them.
"Look, I'm not Chrissy, and I'm not okay with this." I told him through the monitor. "I thought you disapproved ot stuff Chrissy does, too. Why do you have to abuse the contestants?"
"Suck it up, little girl," Chef responded. "At least you don't have to do any of the hard work around here."
"Yeah, try not to kill the interns with crazy challenges the producers gave me," was my reply. "Anyway, campers, as Chef no doubt told you, it's time for the challenge. You'll see a bunch of nuclear radiation badge ahead of you on the ground. Each of you needs to grab one and strap it onto your sleeve.. You need to get this challenge done in half an hour – anyone left in there, I'll send someone in to get them out, but it'll disqualify their team. Your badges will start out green. Fifteen minutes left, it'll go orange, and if it goes red, that's your five-minute warning. You should be okay either way, because Dakota's been down for thirty-five and she's still okay, but I don't want to take any risks. The sign that you've passed thirty minutes will be a skull and crossbones. As I said, you should be fine, but you'll have automatically lost the challenge." (Dakota really was fine for the moment – she was unconscious when she was gotten out, but she was breathing fine and there were no negative signs of chemical exposure). "You're looking for statuettes with bases in your team colour, and a classic competitor is somewhere in the mines, and he's hidden them. Even I don't know where they are. He'll be somewhere down there, but it's his choice whether he tells you where he put them. If neither team finds the statues in time, it's whoever gets out of the mine first. That's your priority, ahead of the statues. Anyway, time for you to get going."
"Is it well-lit down there?" Brick asked, looking horrified. I felt very sympathetic towards him as he spoke. I wasn't scared of the dark like he was, but he was actually so brave about it. It was sort of endearing.
"There's torches and a jar of fireflies in there." I replied. "First come, first served. But seriously, bro, don't worry so much – darkness can't hurt you."
Well, the challenge was interesting while I watched it. The Maggots got the torches, and the Rats got the fireflies. I mean, I knew Jo was pretty much a nightmare to Brick, but she actually tried to make a pact with Lightning to vote him off after they ran off and left him. It didn't make any sense to me. Unless she was getting impulsive and irritated because Lightning kept insisting she was male. She told him straight out, and he just said "Man, please! I can see you're a dude!" (Trust me, she wasn't – I accidentally caught a little footage of the girls' side of the Rats' cabin and that would haunt my nightmares forever (not because I was straight even though I am, but because no one wants to see sweaty hairy-armpitted naked star jumps unless they're already in love).
It got even worse. When they got the fifteen-minute warning, Lightning started panicking about dying and saying he'd never kissed a Superbowl ring or something like that. To which Jo said "And I've never kissed a guy."
Why was this bad? Well, because Lightning totally made me feel guilty for judging him as a jerk for trying to cover up awkwardness by saying "It's cool, bro. Lightning don't judge." I guess that was one thing in his favour – he wasn't homophobic. At least not openly.
I also finally got a glimpse of Manitoba Smith, who talked with an Australian accent, flirted with Zoey and clearly was somewhat sexist. Don't ask me why there was a fedora in the mines, or why Mike put it on when he knew that was a trigger. It actually did not trigger me when he called Zoey "beauty", I guess because I knew that wasn't Mike. Scott seemed to be up to his old tricks of making his team lose. He clearly guessed that Manitoba knew what he was talking about, because he kept trying to argue about which way to go, or that using the mine carts were too dangerous (actually they were – Mike and Cameron went one way and Scott and Zoey went the other). Luckily, Zoey and Cameron weren't listening, and Manitoba just commented "He's a sandwich short of a picnic, that one, eh?"
The end of the story? Well, I can state that neither team got their statue, but they and Ezekiel all came out, with the Maggots just ahead, a few seconds ahead of their thirty-minute limit. Again, I had a monitor to watch them.
"The Maggots win this one!" I announced. "Even though it was kind of because of a Rat they weren't disqualified…"
That was the thing. They would have lost most of their team to disqualification if Brick hadn't gone back to save Zoey, Mike and Cameron from these blind mutant gophers. But Lightning and Jo didn't seem too pleased with him, especially since, as I heard Jo saying to him "They were never in any real danger! Why did you suddenly feel the need to be the big hero?"
I knew why. Brick's sense of honour had put him in a difficult position. He wasn't leaving a man behind, even if they were on a different team. Poor guy. He was certainly chivalrous and kind, even if he wasn't the easiest to approach at first glance. As I watched his teammates walk away from him, he turned and saw me watching. I sent him a sympathetic smile, and he managed a little smile back. I think we both knew he was going home.
I did corner Jo after I'd said goodbye to Ezekiel and ask her why she was so insistent on getting Lightning to help her vote off Brick. "What's it to you, Pony?" she said aggressively. "You're the host."
"Well, excuse me for asking why someone like him is a good idea to vote off." I retorted.
"It's called a competition." Jo pointed out. "That's my entire reasoning, okay? Is that enough?"
I softened a little. That was a good point. Brick was a bit too easy to like, and strong in challenges. "I guess I understand." I sighed. "He's a good guy, though."
"Yes, he is," Jo agreed. "That's why he has to get lost." She looked at me suspiciously for a moment, her blue eyes curious, and then added "I was serious about you having him, you know. If you want, I can do that girly thing of asking if he likes you."
"No way!" I shot that down immediately. "But you could put him out of his misery and shoot him down. If you're never going to want to be with him, tell him." That was something nice I could do for the guy. Killing those hopes might sound cruel, but it was better than letting him hang onto something that would never happen.
Jo looked thoughtful. "Maybe I should."
I didn't feel absolutely terrible when I allowed Chef to give the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom to Brick that night, but it was pretty upsetting for me. As I'd said, I think he knew he was going home, but it hadn't become real to him until that moment. He'd looked pretty miserable, so I guessed Jo had done what I suggested. He certainly didn't look at her, even when he was protesting his elimination.
"But I was large and in charge!" he protested.
"Yeah, saving the enemy, sha-traitor!" Lightning said crossly.
"So long, Soggy McGee!" Jo added.
"So I'm guessing you two want to get out of here for the night and not bother to say goodbye?" I asked, just to make sure. The other two shrugged and ran off, not looking back. I gave Brick another sympathetic smile, adding "I'll miss you, soldier boy. I don't think we've ever had someone leave the show for going above and beyond being a good person." I even gave him a hug. Brick still looked disappointed, but he returned my hug, and his cheeks were tinted red when he pulled away. Hmmm.
But Brick's Hurl wasn't lonely. Just as I was about to pull the lever, we heard a voice call "Brick, wait!"
Zoey had spoken. She, Mike and Cameron were standing at the dock, and all three of them saluted. Brick managed to smile and salute back.
"I guess that sums up your whole time on the island." I joked. "You're possibly one of the most honourable contestants we've ever had. And I don't think I'm the only one who'll miss you. But sadly," and then I pulled.
I turned to the three contestants. "Rest day tomorrow." I reminded them. "Have a good one."
Then I turned to the camera to make my outro. But when I turned, Mike was still standing there, like he wanted to say something. "What's up?" I asked.
"Toni," Mike began, "I was going to…" he trailed off. "Look, can I talk to you tomorrow? I need to tell you something."
Here it goes. I gave a sigh. "Yes, okay, fine. My trailer, after breakfast."
Dun dun DUN! I thought it was time we finally heard from Mike. He must have noticed something by now. I'm pretty sure Toni thinks she's lost, so…well, we'll have to see.
Also...yes, Dakota didn't lose her hair. She only went down for 35 minutes. Whether there's delayed mutations incoming...well, you'll have to see, but rest assured there's no changes to her verbal function.
