End Of Our Days
We never stop turning and sometimes it's tough to change direction
Brooke only answered the knock on the door because she thought it was the taxi driver. She'd been waiting much longer than the advertised fifteen-or-less minutes and was ready to give them a piece of her mind when she swung the door open.
"I'm not paying –" she began, then stopped short. "Lucas. What are you doing here?"
He looked as uncomfortable as she felt, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, keeping his focus on a point just above her head. "I just … you haven't been in school all week," he explained, obviously ill at ease. "And I just wanted to come by and, um, make sure everything was okay."
"Everything's fine," she answered coolly, surprising even herself at the strength of her poker face. Nothing was fine, nothing was even remotely close to fine. She and Nathan had just found the love of his life waiting in their living room, the two recently separated lovebirds were taking a stroll down the beach at this very minute.
Probably rekindling all the old sparks, Brooke thought bitterly, and just minutes after Nathan had told her he loved her. It was her luck, really. She should've seen it coming. Her and Nathan Scott, meant to be? It would've been laughable if she hadn't been dreaming about it for months.
"Are you sure?" Lucas asked tentatively, when the silence had stretched out awkwardly and Brooke's eyes had turned dark. "You don't look too happy."
"How's this?" She forced her lips to curve upwards, the glare she fixed on him overpowering the mocking smile. "Feel better now?"
Exasperated with her attitude, Lucas heaved a sigh. "Look, Brooke, I'm sorry, okay? About … everything. For the way it all turned out. But I don't want things to be like this. We should at least, you know, be civil. In case you decide to have the baby or …"
"I'm not having the baby," she cut in, putting him out of his misery and furthering hers. It was the first time she'd said the words out loud, and even with all the progress she'd made in the past week, her heart broke all over again.
"What?" Shocked, he fumbled for his next words. "But you … I thought …"
"I lost it," she explained, avoiding his eyes. She focused on the sun at his back, staring hard until she had herself almost convinced that it, and not tears, was causing the burning sensation at the back of her eyes.
"You … lost it," he repeated. His tone was one of utter defeat. It was weird, Lucas thought, because he really hadn't thought he'd wanted a child, but his heart was aching just the same. "Oh, God. Brooke, I … I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I would've – I would've – I'm so sorry."
"Why?" she asked numbly, her arms wrapping defensively around her stomach. "Isn't this exactly what you wanted? No more baby, problem solved."
"I didn't want this, Brooke." He was hurt that she would think such a thing, but then again, he hadn't given her much reason to have faith in him. "I never wanted this to happen."
"Yeah, well, it did." She shrugged, wishing she could be more eloquent, wishing she had the words to make everything okay again – not for him, but for herself. "It's over, Lucas. You can go back to Peyton and have your happy-ever-after."
It was all he wanted right now, to turn tail and run away, to hide in Peyton's arms and burry himself in her curls and curves. Still, he hesitated. Despite everything that had happened between them, how he'd handled himself with the news, he cared deeply about Brooke. "What about you? What are you going to do now?"
Again, Brooke's shoulders rose and fell. "The best I can," she answered, her eyes still trained on the sun, half-hoping to just go blind so she wouldn't have to see Nathan and Haley walk back from their reunion hand in hand. "If you'll excuse me, I have something I have to do."
Before another word could pass between them, she stepped back, letting the door close between them with a soft, final click. Outside, Lucas hung his head and turned away. Inside, Brooke made her way through the house that had been her safety zone for months to the bed she and Nathan had shared and reached for her suitcase.
XXX
"I surprised you," Haley commented, once Nathan had thrown a pair of jeans on and ushered her out of the house, away from Brooke's wide, fearful eyes and forced smile.
"I didn't know you were …" He didn't know how to finish the sentence. Coming home? Visiting? Passing through? "I didn't expect to see you."
"I didn't expect you to be entertaining guests," she countered, and the words slid out so smoothly he knew she'd just been waiting for the right moment to deliver them.
"Brooke's been staying with me for a while," he said by way of explanation. Giving her the details would have felt like a betrayal – of whom, he wasn't quite sure. "She needed a friend."
"You guys are friends now?" Haley's face changed, something shuttered in her eyes, but she kept her tone light. "Things sure have changed."
"Yeah," he said shortly. "They have."
"Nathan." Convinced they were far enough from Brooke's watchful eye and penchant for gossip, Haley stopped and faced him. "I'm sorry that I left things the way I did. It wasn't right. I know that now."
Did that change things between them? Did he want it to? Nathan kept his eyes on the ground as his mind worked overtime to comprehend what was happening. Did she want it to? "Haley –" he started, then gave a frustrated sigh and tried again, "Hales. What are you doing here? Why'd you come back?"
She hadn't expected it to be so hard. She'd prepared herself for some initial awkwardness, a lingering resentment. But this – his smile dimming at the sight of her, his careful avoidance of her eyes and the fingers she'd brushed against his in an attempt at holding hands – this, she hadn't seen coming.
"I want to be with you," she answered honestly. "Don't you … I mean, I thought that's what you wanted, too. I thought you wanted to be together."
"I did," he said, and inwardly cursed at the way it sounded. "I mean, I do – did. I did. When you left, I was … I was angry. I wanted you to stay."
Haley watched the emotions warring in his eyes. "But?"
"But …" He finally looked her in the eyes, pleading with her to understand, and Haley felt like someone had punched her in the gut. "Things change, Haley. We've changed."
Was this how he'd felt, the night she walked out the door? As if someone had pulled the world out from beneath his feet and laughed while he stumbled and fell? Haley took a deep breath. "What're you saying, Nathan?"
He reached out to touch her shoulder, not sure if he was bracing her or himself for the blow. "Haley, I don't want to hurt you. This isn't – this isn't something I decided to do out of revenge, or anger, or anything. It just happened."
"What just happened?" Tired of him dancing around the issue, Haley grabbed his hand and pulled it off of her, then froze. "Nathan. You're not wearing your ring."
Her own was sparkling in the sunshine. "I know," he said heavily, and they both heard it as a confession. "I took it off. I'm really sorry, Haley. If things were different …"
She noticed that he didn't say 'I wish things were different'. And she'd been his tutor, she knew he was all too aware of sentence structure and word choice. She knew exactly what he meant. "I see."
Nathan looked desperate, as if he'd rather be anywhere but standing on a beach with her. It was sad to think that they'd been married on the beach, too, laughing and making promises they couldn't have known they wouldn't keep. It felt like a lifetime ago. "I'm sorry," he said again. "And I want you to know, Haley, I'm really proud of you for following your dreams like you did. It was brave."
"Brave." She choked out a chuckle that might have been a sob. "Yeah. Definitely a good move on my part. So, it's you and Brooke now, huh?"
He liked the way that sounded. "Yeah. It's me and Brooke now."
"Tell her …" Haley paused, collected her thoughts. "Tell her I say congratulations. She has a good guy."
"Thank you, Haley." He was grateful for the forgiveness she was granting him. He would have gone back to Brooke no matter what, but it was nice to do it without any loose ends or severed ties. "So, uh, am I going to see you on stage any time soon?"
"I'll send you tickets to the next show," she promised, working up a smile. Her world wouldn't stop, she knew. Her manager would be calling soon, she and Chris would sit down tonight, as they did every night, and work on lyrics, she would be back on a bus within the week. The ache would ease. "Two of them."
"That would mean a lot to me, Hales. Listen, I've got to get back." He had a feeling Brooke would have a few choice words to sum up the situation and that he'd be getting an earful. "We'll talk soon, okay? Give me a call. And I'll be waiting for those tickets."
But he wouldn't be waiting for her. They both knew it. At the water's edge, Haley hung her head and turned away. Down the beach, Nathan shoved his hands into his pockets and headed home.
