Hi, so here is another chapter, I wanted to keep this true to form with Erin but don't worry, we have a few more chapters to go and everyone will have their happy ever after. Except the Sherriff...

Disclaimer-Nothing here is mine just this chapter and the character of Erin.

Please Read and Review.

And thank God for characters like Matilda that are so easy to write and absolute joy. Also John deserves a lot of happiness. It's a crime he never gets it.


The Growing Good Of The World

Chapter 14-Ghosts

Erin and Marian, unaware of what is going on at home to see Matilda to see if she can help Erin. John comes too. They all find it illuminating.


"Well you three are a sight for sore eyes"

The convent at Bonchurch had kept Matilda, her daughter Rosa and her granddaughter Alice safe for the past eighteen months. They had claimed sanctuary and that was the only thing that barely kept her temper in check. The nuns and the priests would give up their lives before they allowed someone to abuse sanctuary, the Sherriff included and Matilda had to be pragmatic for her family.

The problem was she board out of her ever loving mind.

There was a strict rule of life here and spent all her time in St Margaret's Crypt which was functional but not designed for long term living. She was not used to being inside all day. Not used to the constant unending pressure to conform. Matilda had lived her own life for the majority of it. She had fallen pregnant young, she had also fallen pregnant unmarried and instead of reverting to the whorehouse which was what happened to most girls in her position she instead turned her talents to healing. She had forged a reputation far away from that little village in Kent that had shunned her, she had come to Nottingham had deftly ignored the concerns that had come with her unmarried state and the fact that she was a woman who showed no signs of remarriage (after all if you were bit once why try again?) and only when she had saved little Robin from dying of childbed fever had she earned their respect.

The point of this was that she had earnt it. And now like so many other woman in her situation her fate was once again dependant on keeping her mouth shut and shutting out daylight and pretending that she was hidden from sight.

And so when she saw Marian (pregnant as well and a good few months along) the girl, Erin and John his hair longer than she had seen it before shooting her that small shy smile that often got her into trouble she thought that she must be sorely lacking company.

And she was…she so very, very was.

"Well you three are a sight for sore eyes" she repeated and then she stepped out into the sunlight for the brief second that she was allowed to usher them in. She was alone, Rosa had taken up solace in the convent and in nursing the sick (which Matilda supposed was not the worst thing that she could do to pass the time) and she often took Alice with her. Sometimes the pilgrims that came for rest were comforted by the sight of a child and Alice was a darling of a baby as well.

"See you've made this place into a home" John said as they stepped inside. Matilda scoffed. She had not won over the monk in charge of the garden who refused to replant due to her specific instructions but she had managed to get most things sent to her out of Nottingham (thank you Luke Scarlett) and so she had enough herbs and medicine to make this place feel a little bit more like her own home. They slept together the three of them on the same bed and they rose with the church and went to bed with the church.

"You brought ale?" she asked John bluntly because God forgive her she was gagging for a drink and that was strictly forbidden in places such as this.

John held up a canvas flask of wine and Matilda could have kissed him.

He threw it at her and she poured it into a beaker and sat down eyeing the two woman watching her with shrewd eyes.

"Tell it's Robin's"

Marian started. "Of course it is" she said her hand coming to her bump. Matilda nodded. In truth she had expected that but there was one more thing she had to make sure off.

"He did marry you didn't he? John tell me he did because if he didn't I will take my wooden spoon and shove—"

"Of course he did" John said with an eyeroll and Matilda noticing both girls were looking at her with wry expressions but down her wooden spoon.

"Good Lord Matilda do you think I'd have let him get away with that if he hadn't? Course he did. We did it in the Holy Lands and Erin and Allan got married afterwards in the presence of the king"

Matilda gagged on her wine. John the little shit shot her a look which she knew meant that he had been savouring this information to drop at her on the right time.

"I walked Erin down the aisle" he says softly and she does melt a little bit at that despite the fact she wants to clobber him because he looks so endearingly happy with this little bit of information. John's always had a soft spot for the broken woman (not that anyone would ever call Erin broken, in fact Matilda thinks she might be the strongest woman out of all of them and that's saying something) and Allan could have passed once upon a time for John's son.

"Tell me everything" she demands inviting them to sit and they do and John launches into the story.

She hears that Gisbourne is dead (she will lose no sleep there) she hears that the King is sick (again no sleep will be lost on that one either) she understands that little Luke Scarlett and some solider called Carter are together (not that she's one to judge, the heart wants what the heart wants after all) and she also understands that everyone seems to be married, some international assassin connected to the Saracen girl is dead, Kate was apparently involved (there is no way Rebecca knows her daughter went to the Holy Lands because Matilda would have felt the full force of that argument all the way from Locksley and beyond) and the Sherriff is on his way out.

"Alright" she says trying to process what indeed is a lot of information in a short amount of time. Matilda counts herself amongst the intelligent but even this is a quick turn around for her so she patiently counts to ten and then speaks processing each and every word.

"So you are doing what exactly? Even if you get rid of the Sherriff, even if you can get me and my family back home are you all still living in the forest?"

She shoots a look at Marian at that whose looking down at her stomach with something akin to the awe and love that mothers have for their children. Matilda remembers what it was like and she doesn't like the idea of Marian, as young and as strong as she is, giving birth in a forest all by herself.

(She doesn't count Robin and his medicinal prowess at all. Boy was in the Crusades for all things Holy. Even Much and Djaq are used to tending battle wounds and not the wounds of the female flesh. No…no Matilda did not like this at all)

"Were working on it" John says softly and she wants to believe him but she honestly doesn't know what to believe. The Sherriff has taken away so much from her that she doesn't know who or what or even how to believe in justice anymore. She certainly doesn't believe in the King. In hindsight it was probably a very good things that they hadn't have stopped for her on the way to the Holy Lands. King or no King she would have given that piece of entitled bastard a piece of her mind. Henry II, Richard I was not. Henry had many, many faults (Eleanor not the least of them) but at least he gave a damn about his people.

"So why are you here?" she askes again because it makes no sense for them all to be here.

"We…we need your help Matilda. Erin…Erin and Allan would like to start a family and—"

"I don't think I can" Erin interrupts Marian and when she looks at Matilda, Matilda can see the pain reflected in her shockingly blue eyes. She can see the desire for a family, the desire for a child reflected in the girls eyes and her heart heaves a little because of all woman in England who deserved a happy ending (and God knows there are more of them than can be counted,) it is Erin that deserves it the most.

"I think the damage—" she trails off and Matilda understands why she is here and her heart sings because this is something that she can do.

This is healing, this is herbs and a little bit of magic and some prayer thrown in no doubt, but this is something that she can do and she can do easily and after so long of nothing it feels good.

"I cannot promise anything" she warns and she sees the blue eyes look at her.

"I cannot Erin and I would not even if I could but I can examine you—John pull yourself together I am not asking you to be in the room—and I can see what I can do. There might be some damage, there might be some herbs and a potion or two or there might be nothing. But I wouldn't think on this as a failure. There are a lot of children in Nottingham and around who need parents as good and as decent as you and Allan would be. Please do not think that your idea of a family depends on me"

Erin nods and she can see it in her eyes. She can see that the woman has steeled herself to this point and she feels her heart heave a little with love for her. This is a woman who has a lot of love in her to be a woman and Matilda knows, God knows she knows that there are a lot of children that need a mother like her.

"John go and see if you can rustle up some dinner while we do this" she says quietly and John with a bow and a small smile goes and does exactly what she asks.


Both girls are gone when he comes back and John looks around confused. The Monks had gone to get them dinner which looks like pottage that's been in the pot several days but in John's opinion beggars (and Outlaws) can't be choosers and God knows that's what they are.

Matilda was mixing something into a pot and she gave him a wan smile.

"They went to the hospital. Influx of patients, I think Marian wanted to take Erin's mind off it all" was all she said. "I told them not to hurry back"

John paused.

"Does that mean?"

Matilda shook her head. "I couldn't lie to her John. I'm not saying she couldn't get pregnant because I do not speak for the will of God but…she's been brutalised down there. Even if a child did take I would worry about her ability to give birth to it. They didn't just use their cocks when raping her."

John swallowed down the anger and the vomit and the heartbreak and took a sip of the tea she offered him. For Matilda it wasn't half bad.

"I wanted it to be different" was all he said.

"I know, I wanted to wave a magic wand and fix it for her but if wishing made things so then…I just…maybe one day my field of medicine will expand and woman who are hurt like her can have children of their own with a bit of surgery or whatever it will be called then but right now…right now I wouldn't want her to risk it"

John nodded.

"I think Allan knew that was coming" he said softly. "He's been wonderfully pragmatic about these things. I think it comes with marriage—"

"Maturity?"

He chuckled.

"Perhaps"

"You hear from—"

"No" he said quickly and immediately she didn't ask more. That was one of the things he liked about Matilda so much. She knew when the baggage became so much that it was always best to stop.

"I am sorry John"

"Don't be, I don't expect to hear from her ever again. And I made peace with that"

"You did?"

"Funny thing about being a stone throw away from Jerusalem and still being hung in the desert, you learn to realise somethings"

She looked as if she wanted to ask more but then she stopped and he was relived. He didn't want to go into it.

"They won't be back for a while" was all she said. "Come to bed?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"In sanctuary?"

"Do you doubt your ability to do it?"

"No I—you bloody well know I don't woman"

She laughed and John laughed too. He had missed this. This was nice, this was easy.

And he wanted that he realised. He would always love Alice with everything that was in him but he didn't mourn her or what they had anymore. She deserved more than him.

And it was time to move on.

So he took Matilda's hand and he did just that.

And it was perfectly comfortable, wonderful and it did feel a little bit like the lost stirrings of love.


And there you go, hope you enjoy, see you next time.

Next Chapter-We are back with the Outlaws and Robin is trying to understand why his camp is fracturing. Problem is he just can't. Tuck thinks that might be the problem.