Am I to bleed myself dry to see your delight?"
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Charpet 3: And So It Begins
Sunlight filtered into the room and Ayame stirred for the first time in several hours. His eyes opened slowly and he brought his right arm up to block his currently light sensitive eyes from the suns powerful rays. 'What in the hell happened?' Ayame wondered as he lowered his arm, eyes finally adjusted to the light, and that was when he saw the blood that had crusted over upon his pale arm for the first time. His shocked gasp filled the air as the events of a few hours prior came rushing back to him and it turned into a muffled sob. He was such an idiot, such a failure, such a...his mind trailed off as he took in his surroundings. His was leaning against the wall beside the telephone and both his clothing and the floor were covered with dried blood.
It wasn't the first time, but it had never been this bad before...he'd never made quite a mess like this before, and his first reaction was to panic. He knew he'd called Tohru over to see to Hatori before he'd done this and he didn't want her to see this, or Gure if he had come, or worse, Hatori himself, and so he stood up on shaky legs surprised at his own weakness as he reached out and put one hand against the wall to brace himself.
"They can't see me...they can't see this...they can't," he murmured bitterly to himself, his voice holding a note of panic as he hurried to get something with which to wash away the blood from both his wrist and the wooden floor. He ended up first in the bathroom and found himself plopped down on the toilet as he gently wiped the blood from his wrist with a towel that he had wet, revealing the crimson gashes beneath. He whimpered as he applied a bit too much pressure on one of his passes and then chided himself for doing so. Surely it was stupid of him to whine over the clean-up after what he had already done to himself without making a fuss. However, as it was, that was then and this wa now, and the silver haired snake couldn't help but wince and whimer from time to time as he finished cleaning off the blood and began the process of tightly wrapping a bandage around his wounded wrist.
"There good as new," he said aloud to no one in particular after he had finished, though even as he said it, he knew it sounded hollow despite the chipper tone in which it was said. It wasn't 'good as new,' no, for it stood for something, it stood for his love for Hari, it stood for his innermsot feelings, it stood for his heart, and his heart still felt like it was about to shear into every time he let his thoughts drift to the object of his affections...to his Hatori...or rather the Hatori that who never would be his.
'A dream is a wish the heart makes,' someone had once told him, but when dreams showed one what they wished for but couldn't have when they woke...when dreams were pure torture, were they really a symbol of what his heart wished for? Did his heart wish for him to go insane? Did it wish to break itself into a million tiny, jagged little fragments? He let out a sigh, for truly, he could not decide what his heart wanted when it forced him to dream of happiness with the distant dragon.
Taking a look at his bandaged wrist, the
snake frowned and grabbed the bloodied towel. His frown deepened then
and he chucked in into the corner where no one would see it before
getting another, wetting it, and heading out into the hall to clean the
blood from the floor. Luckily he had decided to do it immediately
instead of waiting, for just as he finished doing away with the second
towel, he heard a knock at the door followed by Shigure's energetic
voice belting out the words, "Aaaaayyyyaaaa I know you're in there."
The words themselves were a personal joke between the them that none
but the two of them would ever get, and it made him smile...it was just
what he needed to shift back into his ever cheerful and exhuberant, if
only slightly overly-dramatic self as he bounded into the entrway and
flung open the door'
"Gure-san, did you really miss me so much that
you've come all the way here just to see me? I mean it's only been a
day since the last time, surely someone will notice" he questioned,
eyes starry as he gazed at his cousin.
"Ah, if only it were true Aya-chan, though I do love you above all else and missed you terribly, I came here with our little flower," Shigure replied, his eyes going starry eyed as well before he threw his arms around Ayame.
For a moment the snake tensed, however he relaxed quickly enough and Shigure didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, for he just grinned and leaned back against the wall. "You know Ha-san is terribly angry at you, calling my little flower over to tend to him and saying he needed tending to, I'll be surprised if he doesn't flay you," the dog said, calming down a bit at long last.
Again Ayame tensed and it took all of his will power to keep his mood from visibly darkening, and to keep from screaming out his true feelings, what he'd done and why he'd done it...and how it wouldn't matter anyway. Instead he merely smiled ruefully and ran a hand through his long silvery locks. "I know, but he'll get over it...even Tori doesn't have the willpower to resist Tohru's sweetness,"the snake murmured, knowing that it was the truth of the matter...No one could resist Tohru, not Kyo, not his brother Yuki...not even Hatori, and for that the silver haired beauty resented her, even if she didn't purposefully draw all attention to her...even if she didn't purposefully make them all love her in some way or another. It was just something he didn't want for Hatori, even if he knew that Tohru's kindness and natural sweetness were likely exactly what wa needed for him now.
He let out a dejected sigh as his
gaze fixed on the floor suddenly, causing Shigure to look at him with
concern in his eyes. "Aya, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly, wondering
why such a pained, bitter look had come into his cousin's golden eyes
all of a sudden. Had that been at his mention of Hatori?..the dog
wondered but then pushed it aside as Aya looked quickly back at him and
then grinned winningly. "Wrong? 'Gure Hari's going to flay me, going to
mar my beautiful face," he mock-shrieked in alarm, causing a matching
grin and a misheivous sparkle to replace Shigure's worry. "He'll try
love, but no one's going to touch you unless they get through me."..It
seemed the dog was playing gallant knight.
"Oh Gure-san, my hero!"
the platinum blonde murmured, as he hugged his cousin, supposedly
clinging onto his proverbial knight in shining armor. This was the best
farce he could play at a time like this...an all too familiar,
perfected farce.
However they both froze and disentagled themselves from each others arms when they heard someone clearing their throat, it was Hatori, and beside him stood a very confused Tohru and a chipper as ever Momiji. As it was, the young blonde boy was the first to speak. His voice was full of youthful exhuberance, but Aya knew the boy was much like himself...though for entirely different reasons, and yet the boy was also the complete opposite. Both put on cheerful airs, but Momiji wasn't afraid to let his drop before the others, he certainly didn't keep his problems to himself to the degree that Aya did, and most of the time, his cheer was genuine, and it was that happiness, that ability to move on through hardship that Ayame admired in him. Even now,as ever, the boy had a bright smile and laughter danced in his bright eyes as he tugged on Tohru's coat sleeve and said something to her that caused, the onigiri to laugh and Hatori to look rather dour. However, before anything else could be said, Shigure piped in with, "Well I have to get going, I'll be back to pick up my beautiful little flower later on, so you boys better take good care of her while I'm away." And with that, Ayame's partner in crime was gone, leaving him with the little rabbit he admired, the girl that he envied more than anything else, and the man he desperately loved...And so it would begind, and he'd leave them to their own devices and just...hope for the best...and the worst.
