CHAPTER FIVE
APOLOGIES
On the following night, Elladan and Elrohir lay together in their own tent and discussed what to do with Ilfrith. They had both spoken to her after the discovery of her disguise, and at first Elrohir thought it would be best if she were to return to Imladris; however, Elladan protested, explaining that they had already come too far, that someone would have to accompany her back, and they could not spare any more warriors from their now depleted group of nine. He pointed out that there were only eight warriors in actuality—since Ilfrith was female—that they could count on in a battle. Elladan had asked her if Ilfrith was her real name and she had said it was. Then he asked her pointedly why she was traveling in disguise and she had replied honestly that she wished to escape from Thranduil's realm and was not intending ever to return.
"But we go to search for his son," Elladan said, "and you are one of us who does so. Why would you risk yourself? Is he not your friend?"
"The son, yes. He is dear to all residents of Mirkwood. The father is another matter," Ilfrith replied, but she refused to give any more details. "Sometime I shall tell you the rest," she said, "but first I wish to discuss the inevitable ramifications of that revelation with my brother and Bethos. They know why I am here."
"Very well," Elladan replied calmly, yet he had much curiosity concerning her statement. "So Penlod really is your brother?"
Ilfrith nodded in response to that question.
"I cannot begin to tell you, Ilfrith, how sorry I am that I discovered your secret in such a manner and treated you poorly," Elladan said to her in a kind voice.
Her heart melted at his apology, and she blinked several times to fight back her tears. She felt like crying. The whole ordeal had been too much for her, but she did not blame Elladan for what he had done when he thought she was a male. "Please do not apologize, Sir," she whispered. "You did no wrong." Boldly, she looked up at him and said, "You did nothing that caused me any injury."
He shifted as if in discomfort and scrutinized her closely. "In any case, I am embarrassed that I put you in such a position. I am really very sorry, Ilfrith. But please do not continue to call me 'Sir'. I am merely 'Elladan', as always."
She blushed and gazed at him with affection.
He said to her with a serious note in his voice, "Ilfrith, I would like your opinion on whether you think it better to remain disguised as a male, or if you would like your true identity to be known to the other rangers."
She thought for a moment and replied, "I think it is better if I keep my disguise."
"But Ilfrith," Elladan protested. "There will be more occasions where trouble could occur if you try to keep your gender hidden. What if someone else notices that you are not bathing with them or otherwise, as I did?"
Ilfrith could not suppress a laugh. "I would handle it in the same way as I did before with you. Do not worry about me!"
"But what if Gilfanon were to attack you in the lake as I have just done? I think it is better to reveal yourself as a female and let Elrohir and I protect you."
Elrohir nodded in agreement.
She gasped with dread at the thought of that possibility. Her hand flew to her mouth. She did not want any more confrontations with Gilfanon, whose perceived intentions terrified her.
Elladan rose and moved to take her hands in his. He gazed at her earnestly, an expression of concern in his grey eyes, his brow knitting. Her heart fluttered and she moved a little closer to him. "All right, mellon-nin," she said, and squeezed his hands reassuringly. "You are right. Let us tell them who I really am."
He rewarded her with a brilliant smile and leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek. Her heart fluttered once more to see his beautiful smile.
Elrohir leapt forward and kissed her on the other cheek, laughing as he did so. "My turn to thank Ilfrith," he said.
"I am blessed to have come under the protection of the two most handsome and valiant Elves in all of Imladris," she said. They laughed at this compliment, then the twins each took one of her hands. The three of them walked hand in hand back to the encampment to tell the other Elves of Ilfrith's secret.
When they reached the tents, they saw that the other warriors were standing around Bethos, watching him putting on a show with his knives. He was in the middle of a circle of Elves, twirling his long-bladed knives while whirling about and demonstrating some of the attack moves used in Mirkwood. It was quite an impressive and attractive display, not only of the fast and deft knife maneuvers, but also of Bethos' form, shown to good advantage by his intricate steps and stretches. His silky golden hair flew around his head like a triumphant banner as he twisted and turned. It was quite a mesmerizing sight. Elladan, Ilfrith and Elrohir approached the group quietly in the total silence that surrounded him.
Bethos was first to notice them and stopped his moves. He stood, panting slightly with his lips parted, his slender but shapely chest heaving a little as he tried to catch his breath. His pale green shirt was undone to the navel, his discarded brown tunic lay in a crumpled heap on the ground, and a few strands of his golden hair were stuck to his cheeks. Gilfanon was staring at him with a gleam in his eyes and when the blond Elf stopped his knife-play so abruptly, Gilfanon moved quickly to pick up Bethos's tunic and a water skin with which to give him a drink. Gilfanon was the only one who had not noticed the approach of the new arrivals, so mesmerized was he by Bethos's display. He lifted the water skin to Bethos's lips, and was about to brush away a strand of hair from the Elf's flushed face, when he finally noticed that Bethos was staring at something a distance away from the group. Gilfanon turned to look where everyone else's gaze was directed.
There were a few gasps among the Elves when they saw Elladan and Elrohir flanking Ilfrith. All three were holding hands. She had undone her braid and her bronze-coloured hair fell loosely about her torso. She had removed her tunic and the band that had been holding her breasts flat, and her thin shirt was open to expose her lovely neck and the swells of her breasts could be seen through the fabric. The three of them made a stunning picture. Elladan's and Elrohir's hair was unbound and fell in dark waves to their waists, and their white shirts were fully open, exposing their tanned and muscular chests. There were whistles from some of the Elves and Penlod darted forward to embrace his sister. "Ilfrith!" he cried. "What has happened? Are you all right?"
"I am fine, brother," she replied, laughing. "Elladan found me out. It is a long story. We will need to talk later, as the twins wish to know why I am traveling in disguise and why I do not wish not to return to Mirkwood." She squeezed her worried brother's hand reassuringly.
Elladan spoke up. "We would like to inform everyone that Ilfrith is Elleth, and that she has been traveling with us in disguise. The reason for that is personal and she does not have to make that reason known to you if she does not wish it. I wish to discuss sleeping arrangements, because with this new knowledge we feel it is best to make some changes. Ilfrith is to have her own tent with a guard posted outside at night. I know I can trust most of you not to approach her inappropriately, but I feel it is better to do this to ensure Ilfrith's safety." He looked pointedly at Gilfanon, who returned his gaze with an expression of shock. There were a few howls of protest from the other warriors, but they acquiesced to Elladan's request. "I will take first watch tonight," he continued, "and then Elrohir will relieve me. Penlod, you can share a tent with Tifil and Bethos, I want you to move in with Gilfanon. That is all!"
Gilfanon, astonished, looked at Bethos, who looked back at him with a tiny, enigmatic smile and a shrug. Gilfanon's face broke into a huge grin. "Come with me, little one. We need to talk," he said, and pulled Bethos into his tent.
ILFRITH'S JOURNAL – ENTRY #4
I shall not try to hide my feelings any longer. I am in love with Elladan, but I do not yet know of his true feelings for me. He is very busy, along with Elrohir, in trying to lead this band of warriors into wild and unknown lands, and therefore I do not blame him for not wanting to begin a romantic relationship at this time. And speaking of romantic relationships—I do not think I need worry any longer about the unwanted attentions of Gilfanon. He appears to be besotted with Bethos, and much to my astonishment, Bethos does not appear to mind. I wonder if Elladan knew what he was doing when he put them in a tent together! Penlod and I had a long talk about my decision to leave Mirkwood and whether or not I should tell Elladan and Elrohir about it. I think I probably should, as by now Thranduil has likely told Lord Elrond, and they will find out the truth eventually when we return home. Things are complicated now in any regard, because I know that I love Elladan and I mean to make him mine.
However, I must be careful when I explain to him my relationship with Thranduil and the fact that Thranduil means to make me his wife although I do not wish for that. The king and I are not yet betrothed and I refuse to become one with him. I do not love him and I despise his politics and the manner in which he rules his realm. I cannot live in a warlike atmosphere. It is too militaristic. It is paternalistic too, which I find distasteful, and there are too many rules and regulations. I would not be surprised to find that Legolas has willingly run away for the same reasons. His sense of freedom must be disappointingly crushed. But because Aragorn is with him and there would be no reason for them both to have run away from their homes, that is likely not the cause of their disappearance.
I like the way that Lord Elrond runs Rivendell with an open-minded eye for the social integration of many different peoples: Elves, Men and Dwarves. I would love to live there permanently as Elladan's wife. I must work hard to make this happen! Well, that is all I can write for now, as Elladan says tomorrow we shall reach the Hoarwell River and then we shall be in Orc territory! When we cross the river we will be in unknown lands and our fate to be decided there, undoubtedly.
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