A/N: Just for everyone's information, this chapter was extremely hard for me to write- which caused the delay of this chapter, sorry. I couldn't decide how I wanted to write this, and the way I did, well, most of you guys might not like this, but I hope you do. Anyways, I promise, this story WILL end up Jack/Sam.
Thank you SG-Fan for editing this! You so rock! (And yet, you never buy me coffee…)
Ch 12: The Conversation
Several days flew by; Sam managed to sleep through half of them, the other half she would complain about having to stay in bed and how she needed to work. She tried bribing people into bringing her laptop, or jello, or anything to relieve the monotony. Once Siler attempted to sneak in her computer and was caught by Janet and banned from the infirmary for two weeks. Knowing Siler, Sam knew he'd be back before long with something wrong.
Sam was sitting up, leaning against her pillow that was supported by the backboard. She held a thick book; she stared at it, not sure who had managed to slip it to her; she had found it under her pillow when she woke up.
"Hey," came a voice from the doorway.
Sam closed it and shoved it under her covers in record time. She looked up. "Colonel," she said, a little surprised- she had been expecting Janet, considering the doctor's uncanny ability to sniff out guilt. "Hi, sorry, I wasn't expecting you… sir."
Jack nodded and pushed his hands into his pockets. "So… what's with hiding the book? It's not like I would tell. I might not agree with you about playing instead of resting… but…"
Sam looked down shyly. She pulled the book out of the covers. "I thought you were Janet." She looked down at it fondly. "I don't know who dropped it off."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "You don't? I thought you were smart at stuff like that."
Sam looked up at him, slightly annoyed. "Thank you, sir, for the compliment. But it's hard to determine who would risk…" she pulled out the book, "You did it, didn't you, sir? You're the only one who knew where I kept this."
Jack shrugged shyly, a smile spread across his face. "I thought you might be getting bored."
Sam smiled slightly. "Thank you, sir."
"It was nothing." He said simply, grabbing the chair behind him and settling down in it.
Sam stared down at the book in her hands as if it was a mountain of treasure. "I almost forgot that this belonged to my mom. My dad read this over and over after she died…" she looked up at him. "So, how are my plants doing?"
"Well, your rose from Lt. Riddick is now dead, your-"
"Lt. Riddick?" Sam asked puzzled, not remembering being acquainted to him before.
"Oh, he's new, I didn't know anything about him. But when he gave it to you, I thought I'd better check him out. He's clean by the way." Jack folded his hands.
Sam couldn't help but smile. "Thank you, sir." After a couple minutes of silence she let out a heavy sigh and looked up at him. "Sir, I-… I need to know something."
"Okay… I'm not the most intelligent person, but I'll give it a try."
"Well, in this case, you're the only one who could help me." She cleared her throat. "Sir… While I was… in a coma, I could hear you, I mean, I could hear most of the people who talked to me. But I heard you the loudest. I heard every word you said."
"Carter-"
"No, sir, please, let me finish. Please don't try to deny it. " She stopped and swallowed hard. "That's the last thing I need right now. Colonel, I need to know if you really feel about me… the way I do you." She couldn't believe how calmly she said those words. In her head she was freaking out, not sure how she was going to talk to him. But it seemed to come out well enough. "Sir. Please. I need to know."
Jack stared into her eyes; he knew she knew the truth, that she already knew that answer. He swallowed; he couldn't say it- after all these years of trying his best to hide it. Trying his best to resist the temptation to walk over and kiss her... "Carter. We… our relationship can't-"
"Yes, sir, it can," she said firmly, "I… what if I quit the Air Force? Would it change anything? Or is it just an excuse?" she asked as she recalled the conversation she had on the Prometheus with herself not that long ago.
Jack sat frozen at her words. Frankly, he never thought she would have the guts to say that. How was he supposed to respond to that? "Carter... I would never, never ask you to give up your career for a grumpy old guy like me."
Sam's heart dropped and she looked down. "Because you don't feel enough for me?"
Jack let out a sigh. "Carter," he whined, as though it wasn't a fair question.
"I'd let you go right now if I knew."
Jack hesitated. "I'm that easy to let go?"
Sam shook her head. "I didn't say it would be easy. It would be one of the hardest things I would ever go through."
"Carter, I-"
"Colonel. I just don't want to be hurt again." How was she sounding so calm?
"Carter, I would never want to do anything to hurt you." He said. "I- Carter, you know me with words. This isn't the type of conversation I get into everyday. Carter… my feelings for you…"
Sam could feel a tear slide down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away. There wasn't a chance he'd ever admit it- was there? He was too worried her losing her career. Or maybe, he just didn't have the feelings she did. He might not have loved her enough; if he did he would be willing to at least give up his career wouldn't he? She looked up at his face, which seemed begging her to stop. "Thank you, sir. I think that answered my question." She rolled over to her side, facing the other wall.
"Carter."
"Sir, I think it would be better for us both if you left right now." Her voice was cold, even as her heart begged for him to stay.
Jack hesitated; he didn't want to end the conversation this way. "Carter, you understand that we're not-"
"Sir, please, leave!" Sam snapped. Normally she would have felt bad and apologized, but she didn't feel like apologizing for anything right now.
Jack knew he wouldn't get anywhere with her in the mood she was in. He quickly stood up and left the room in record time.
Sam watched as he left. Moments later, she buried her face into her pillow and began to cry…
----
The next day…
"Hey Sam," Janet greeted as she entered the room, with a tray of food in her hands. "How are you feeling?" she walked over to her and handed her the tray.
Sam shook her head softly. "I'm not hungry." She said quietly. And it was true, she wasn't, she lost her appetite ever since her conversation with Jack. That was the last thing she had on her mind, food.
"Sam," Janet said in a soft-warning voice. "You need to eat."
Sam shook her head again. "Janet, I'm not hungry."
Janet sighed. "Okay, well, if you change your mind, it's over here." She said as she placed it on the nightstand.
"Thanks," she muttered, barely audible.
Janet nodded slowly. "Sam," she began slowly, "what's wrong? You haven't seemed yourself ever since your conversation with Colonel O'Neill, something happen?"
Sam looked down, not being able to face her. "No, no, I'm fine, just a bit tired, I think I'll turn in for the night."
Janet stared at her friend, wanting to help. Why didn't Sam ever let her? "Okay, I'll check on you later tonight, okay?"
"Fine."
"Okay… goodnight."
----
Janet walked into Colonel O'Neill's office, for one of the first times that year. "Colonel." She said sharply as she spotted him at his desk, staring down at a small stack of paper. Jack didn't look up though; it was like he didn't even hear her. "Colonel." She repeated in the same earlier tone.
Jack slowly lifted up his head, his eyes still glued to the paper until he spotted Janet in the corner of his eye. "Doctor!" he said quickly, flipping over the papers on his desk. "Sorry, I didn't hear you come in." he could tell by her expression that she wasn't a happy camper. "Is something wrong?" What could be wrong? Oh, duh. "I can explain about the book, you see-"
"Colonel," she interrupted, "I am not here in you office to talk to you about a book. I am here because of Major Carter."
"What about Carter? Is she okay? Did something happen?" Jack asked quickly, as he began to get that horrible feeling of being worried all over again.
"No. She isn't fine. And I would like to know why. Ever since your last conversation with Major Carter, she has been acting depressed and she won't tell me what's wrong. She won't eat. I would like to know what the hell you said to make her feel this way."
Jack stared at his desk. "Doc," he started, "it was personal. I understand that you're worried about her, I am too."
"Colonel, I understand that it might have been personal. But I am in charge of her health. I can't have her this way. Jack, I'm asking you as a friend, would you please talk to her? I'm worried."
"Janet, I'm sure that's one of the last things she'd want right now." It hurt him to speak the truth. ""She'll be all right. Just give her a day or two; she'll be back to her old self in no time. This is common, for someone to be like this after a coma… you said so yourself."
Janet nodded. "Yes, sir, I did…" she bit her lip, "Would you at least try and talk to her?"
"Doc…"
Janet let out a sigh. "It was that bad?"
"Worse."
The petite doctor sighed before quietly exiting the room, leaving Jack to his papers.
----
"So," Daniel began, after a long period of silence. "Dr. Fraiser says you haven't eaten since yesterday." He raised an eyebrow. "Whatever the reason is for you starving yourself must be pretty good."
Sam rolled her eyes. "I am not starving myself," she said sharply. "I just haven't been in the mood to eat."
Daniel nodded. "Yeah, I got that part, you haven't been in the mood ever since your conversation with Jack." Sam gave him a quick glance. "Janet's been filling me in."
Sam rolled her eyes again. That's definitely not what she wanted. She didn't want anyone worrying about her. "I'm fine, Daniel, I've just been doing a lot of thinking."
"What about?" he asked. "Because that's some hard thinking."
"Daniel," she said with a sigh, "I'm fine."
"Sure you are." He nodded. "I mean, you're Sam. Of course you are."
"Daniel."
"Sorry."
"How long ago did my dad leave?"
"Oh, he had to go- some top-secret Tok'ra stuff, he came by here, but didn't want to wake you up. He told me to tell you that he's try to visit you soon. Or as soon as he could," he said rather quickly.
Sam nodded. "Thanks… I knew he couldn't stay long, but I was hoping I would be able to have lunch with him before he left…"
"Yeah, he really, really didn't want to leave," Daniel said. "And I do mean, really."
"Thanks."
There was another moment of silence before Daniel spoke again. "So, I guess you aren't going to tell me what happened between you and Jack, are you?"
Sam turned to him. "What do you mean?" she asked innocently.
"What do you mean 'what do I mean'? You and Jack have been acting like someone just died! What happened?"
"Daniel, I appreciate you trying to help. But it isn't going to work this time, okay? This is something that is between us, all right? So, could you please just drop it?"
"Sam-"
"DANIEL!"
The warning was obvious, even to the sometimes clueless archeologist. He sat there for a moment before nodding. "Okay, well, I guess I'll be going. I'll stop by later, okay?"
"See you later."
----
The next three days dragged by. Jack hadn't been to visit her since their last conversation. Sam didn't mind though, she was actually glad. She was afraid what would happen if she had to see him again. Daniel tried to patch Jack and Sam up, but he didn't even know what was wrong in the first place, so he ended up only making it worse.
Sam sat on the edge of her bed; although she should have been happy that she was finally able leave the infirmary, but she didn't actually feel happy. She still felt somewhat betrayed. She turned to Janet who walked into the room; in her hands were some clothes for Sam. "Here you go," she said as she handed her the clothes. "Sam, remember, if you feel the least bit-"
"I'll let you know." Sam interrupted. She knew that Janet knew something was up, but she hadn't talked to her. She didn't know how. "Thank you." She stood on the ground, her legs felt odd, as if they hadn't been used before. "I'll see you later, Janet," she said softly as she walked away.
"Sam," Janet called after her. "Remember, I'm here for you. If you ever need to talk- about anything, ever, let me know, okay?"
"Thank you Janet. But I'll be alright." She said, giving her a reassuring smile before walking away.
----
Later that night…
Sam slammed her book shut, she couldn't concentrate; she had been reading the same page for the last half hour. She quickly turned on the TV and tried to find something to occupy her, but she didn't. She stood up; pacing up and down her living room floor- what was she going to do? She couldn't live like this. Everything was wrong. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone and searched through her address book, stopping in the F section. "Hi, Janet?" she asked a moment later, "this is Sam… can we talk?"
----
Janet entered the small sub restaurant, and looked around. She spotted Sam sitting at a table in the corner, alone. She smiled slightly, taking off her coat she walked over. "Hey Sam," she said as she slid into her chair across from Sam. "I'm glad you decided to talk to me, you had me worried." She stared at her friend's face, it looked like it hadn't rested in days. It was slightly red and puffy, as if she had been crying.
Sam looked up at Janet, relieved. "Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, I just needed some time alone… to think." She said, straightening up and quickly eating a French fry. "Sorry, I ordered some fries, I can go get you…"
"Oh, no, I'm fine. Actually, I just finished having dinner with Cassie." Janet said, placing her purse on the table. "So, what's on your mind?"
Sam sighed. "Janet, I'm sorry for bothering you. I just needed to talk to someone, and-"
"Sam, it's okay," She said with a reassuring smile. "It doesn't matter if-"
"It's about Colonel O'Neill and me," She interrupted.
Janet could tell she was uncomfortable. She folded her hands and listed as Sam began to pour out her story.
-
Sam let out a sigh after she finished. She never expected to tell Janet everything. She sat there in the uncomfortable silence, staring up at Janet, waiting for her to say something. She felt better though, keeping all of that in her head- it was high time she told someone.
Janet stared up at Sam, not sure how to respond. Sam had told her more about her life that night then she had in the last eight years she had known her. She sat there, reflecting on Sam's last words. "Let me get this straight, you're saying that it was a mistake that you and Colonel O'Neill fell in love?"
"Well, no… yeah, I guess I am. It's not like we tried to fall in love- we didn't. I didn't need another person. My life was fine before I met him. I was content… And then when we met, I just fell in love- it-it just happened. I don't even remember when we did. I really wish we didn't. I don't know how I can work with him anymore. I don't think I'll be able to."
"How have you been doing it these last some-odd-years?" Janet asked.
"I tried a lot of things, none of them worked. But some of them helped. I tried to act as though I didn't like him. I'd tried to ignore my feelings. But I can't do that anymore, Janet!" the despair in her voice was obvious to her friend who reached over and put an arm on her shoulder.
"What are you going to do?"
Sam glanced up at her, her eyes watering.
"Sam?"
"I'm transferring."
----
Well, only one chapter to go, possibly two... so, there will be some Jack/Sam fluff soon!
A/N: I won't be in town for a week, so, I won't be able to write anything. So, it might be a couple of weeks before I can post the next chapter.
