Chapter four
It was a chilly evening. The bitter wind blew in Nikki's face and she tucked her chin and nose into her scarf, shielding them from the cold. Although her nose didn't appreciate it, the rest of her body certainly did - she still felt like she was digesting the Christmas dinner she'd eaten several hours earlier, and a walk was just what she needed.
'You ok?' Jack glanced at her, tightening his grip on her gloved hand.
'Yes,' Nikki squeezed his hand back. 'Never better.'
His face lit up in a smile so big, it reached his eyes. Nikki couldn't help but smile back; Jack hardly ever smiled like that, at least not to other people. She'd been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of that smile daily for the past eight weeks. It had been the best eight weeks of her life.
They kept walking but every now and again, Jack snatched a glance at Nikki. She was wearing the red coat she'd worn when she first kissed him, and whenever she wore it he was filled with the giddy euphoria he'd felt when sitting in the taxi afterwards, on his way home. That was, at least, until he heard Olly on the answer phone. Jack pushed that part of the memory to the back of his mind. Olly was long gone now, Nikki hadn't mentioned him or seen him since early November. He - Jack - was the one she wanted. He just kept having to remind himself of that, as after eight years of patiently waiting, he still found it hard to believe that she'd really picked him in the end.
'Wow!' Nikki exclaimed as they turned the corner. 'Your neighbours have gone all out!'
'Told you it was good,' Jack grinned triumphantly, resting his arm around Nikki's shoulders. 'I knew you'd like them.'
'I do,' Nikki nodded. As they walked together, she took in all the beautiful patterns and colours of the lights. Some of the windows of the houses were uncurtained and it was like taking a look through a picture window into a snapshot of other people's lives.
'I used to hate Christmas,' Nikki shivered, cuddling closer to Jack.
'Did you?' He looked down at her incredulously. 'But you love it now! What happened?'
'When I lost my mum, it was like Christmas died with her. My father never bothered with it, and I'd go for a long walk on Christmas Day and look through all the windows. Sometimes I'd see people having dinner, or opening presents, or watching tv together. Families, couples, people who loved each other...' her voice trailed off. 'We didn't even have a tree in our house. My father just used to say that Christmas was for kids, and I was too old.'
'That's sad,' Jack wanted to pick her up and squeeze her, but he knew she wouldn't appreciate it.
'As soon as I was old enough, I made Christmas special for myself. That's why I like to go all out now. To make up for all the lost Christmases.' Nikki's hand wandered to her stomach. 'And now we have this little one to make Christmas special for. I can't wait.'
'It will be our last quiet Christmas!' Jack suddenly realised. 'Our first and last one just the two of us.'
'Plus your dad. He seems excited about the baby.'
'Yeah. He is. I just hope he'll be well enough to meet them...'
Jack's voice wobbled slightly and Nikki placed her hand on his belly instead.
'Me too,' she replied softly, unable to contemplate how difficult it was going to be for Jack if his dad deteriorated too quickly. 'Hopefully having another grandchild will give him a new lease of life.'
Jack nodded, his eyes travelling back to the houses around them. Nikki saw the flashing colours reflect in his wet eyes and she returned her gaze to the lights too, giving Jack some space to compose himself. She knew that he didn't like anyone to see him vulnerable, not even her.
After a couple of minutes, Jack had swallowed his emotions. They came to stop outside a highly decorated house, covered in thousands of beautiful warm white bulbs.
'Now this one is beautiful,' Nikki breathed, her arm still around Jack.
'Must have taken ages to put all those lights up,' Jack raised an eyebrow. 'Don't get any ideas, I definitely don't have the patience.'
'Mmm,' Nikki grinned. 'You said you'd never go to karaoke either, but I can't recall you complaining once we were in there. In fact, I think you rather enjoyed yourself.'
'It wasn't the karaoke I enjoyed,' he nudged her playfully. 'It was just you, singing to me.'
Nikki's cheeks flushed warm as Jack spun her around in his arms and gently kissed her.
'It was the first time I understood how you really felt...' he breathed against her lips, his face now sincere. 'That's why I enjoyed it.'
Nikki cupped her hand around his cheek. 'I wish I'd told you sooner. It would have saved a lot of messing around. Who knows where we'd be by now if I had...'
Jack closed his eyes, breathing in the delicate scent of her hand cream. 'Well, everything worked out alright in the end. More than alright, actually. And we're making up for lost time now, eh?'
'We certainly are.'
Heading back towards home, Nikki linked her arm with Jack's.
'Your dad said something earlier...' her voice trailed off as she glanced at him.
Jack smirked. 'Sounds ominous. Da says a lot of things, you probably shouldn't take any notice... probably drank too much whisky...'
'He said... eight years of messing around.'
Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets sheepishly. 'He just meant that's how long we've known each other.'
'Did he?'
Jack felt a blush creeping up his jaw from his neck. He clenched his jaw, trying not to give the truth away even though he knew he could never lie to Nikki. She always saw through him in the end.
He sighed. 'Ok, that's not true. I've been in love with you ever since I took you on that date with the rats.'
Nikki was so stunned, she stopped in her tracks. 'What?!'
Stopping beside her, his eyes scanned hers, nervously waiting for her reaction. He'd tried to make light of it, but it was true - he really had been in love with Nikki Alexander ever since that first case they worked on together.
Nikki was so shocked that her mouth was practically hanging open. She'd realised that Jack had feelings for her before she realised that she was in love with him too, but she truly hadn't realised he'd been in love with her for so long. Now it all made sense - why such an attractive and loyal man could never keep a relationship. He'd been in love with her the entire time.
'I'm... I'm sorry...' she managed, not really knowing how to finish the sentence.
'Don't be,' he smiled weakly. 'I could have been honest. Maybe if I had...'
His words trailed off when he saw the puzzled frown on Nikki's face. She was thinking deeply about something, he could tell.
'At the hospital...' she turned to him. 'When you were exposed to the nerve agent. Your dad and I stood outside and spoke to you... and you said... I love you...'
Jack nodded. 'I was talking to both of you. I had to tell you, in case I never got the chance again. God knows I made that mistake before, missed my chance, I wasn't going to make it again.'
Nikki slipped her hand into his and squeezed it tightly. 'Oh, Jack. I thought you were talking to your dad. Why didn't you say anything after, when I picked you up to go home?'
He smiled sadly, his eyes connecting with hers. 'You were still with Matt, you were happy with Matt. I couldn't ruin that for you. I wanted the best for you...'
Now on her tiptoes, Nikki threw her arms around him, pulling him in for a big bear hug. Jack relaxed in her tiny arms, wrapping his own around her delicate body. He could probably wrap his arms around her twice.
'You are the best for me,' she breathed, her face pressed against his warm jacket. 'You always know what I need. Even when I don't. And you're loyal, you're loving... you're always there for me, no matter what.'
She felt him smile against the top of her head, his hand creeping up to thread through her hair.
'Compliments will get you everywhere,' he joked, although jokes aside, her words filled his heart. 'Come on. Let's get you home.'
This might be the end - I've not decided! Let me know what you think :)
