A/N: Musical number mania! this time, you'll need "The Whole Being Dead Thing, Part 2" from the Beetlejuice musical, "I'll Try" by Jesse McCartney (the one from Return to Neverland), and both "Mean Green Mother from Outer Space" AND "Don't Feed the Plants" from Little Shop of Horrors

...

The highest peak in Vallestrella was indeed shaped like a jaquin's curled paw with claws extended. The sky tram pulled up right next to it, letting Wuya, Morgana, Daria, and Twitch disembark. Yzma clambered out of the backpack to sit on Wuya's shoulder.

"We're getting close," Yzma cackled. "Ohhhhh, I can feel it!"

"Wonder where it is," Morgana said as she surveyed the area.

"If you ask me," Wuya said, "it's probably in the – "

Yzma's enchantlet, which now served as a collar to her current form, activated. The loop portrayed Darla, who launched right into it: "Yz-maaaaa! First of all, I wanted to tell you that the plan went off without a single hitch! You really are brilliant, brilliant, bril – "

"NOT NOW!" Yzma forcibly disconnected. "I swear, EVERY misfortune we have had has been due to those phone calls!"

"Don't blame the girl," Morgana said. "I mean, do blame her for not knowing what a real emergency is, but a lot of it just sounded like routine occupational hazards of being a tyrant."

Daria nodded. "If you're gonna have the throne, you gotta be ready to quell revolutions, collect taxes, and keep the vault full. That's just expected."

"You mean people are going to expect me to BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KINGDOM?" Yzma twitched. "Whose idea was that?"

"That's the idea of government…in general," Daria sighed.

"That's it," Yzma seethed. "After we've burned Nueva Vista to the ground and poisoned the water supply, I'm calling in someone else to take the brunt of the dirty work! Someone who can act a strict administrative role and/or give the citizens the shakedown on taxes and deliver results! Or one of each, I don't know!"

"Actually." Wuya snapped her fingers. "I might have an idea of who we can call in to handle it."

"Can we discuss it later?" Morgana aimed the trident at the back of the claw.

"What are you doing?" Yzma asked.

"Finding the jewel." Morgana let loose a bolt of green energy so powerful that Morgana herself was propelled sharply backward from the recoil. Where it hit the rock, the face shattered, revealing a hidden alcove. Within that tiny cavern sat a glimmering deep-purple gemstone.

"Found it!" Morgana cried triumphantly, pointing at it victoriously.

"Good instincts!" Daria nodded.

"That jewel is MINE!" Yzma pounced off Wuya's shoulder and didn't even make it halfway to the jewel before she fell to the ground with a fuzzy splat. Then she pried herself up, leapt to the ledge, and tried to grab the Jewel of Night with her paws, which went about as well as last time. The jewel toppled and clinked on the stone.

"Okay, seriously?" Daria sighed. "Don't BREAK it after we came all this way."

"Though if you ask me, any magic artifact that isn't cat-proof isn't worth going after to begin with," Wuya muttered as she picked up the jewel and placed it in the backpack.

"Now that we have all three pieces of the Scepter of Night," Yzma cackled, "we can return to Yzmatopia, assemble the scepter, brew a human transfiguration potion to return my gorgeous true form, hire a tax collector and/or a counselor, order a family-size pizza with extra anchovies, and THEN – "

The enchantlet activated again, putting Darla's face before Yzma's eyes. "WHAAAAT IS IIIIIIIT?" Yzma screamed.

"I only just realized now that you're a cat," Darla said flatly.

"Is that why you called?" Yzma growled.

"No," Darla said. "I just thought that if I didn't make it clear I noticed that, it would make me look very unobservant. And we can't have that! Anyway, there was one OTHER thing I was going to talk to you about, but you hung up on me! And this one's important, so you better not do it again!"

"What. Is. It?" Yzma seethed through gritted teeth.

"Well, you have a visitor," Darla said. "He claims he knows you. Now, I tried to have Max throw him out, but then he tried to FIGHT Max with his band of weirdos, THEN he snuck around to the back door, still with his band of weirdos, and he's claiming you would've let him in to begin with, and now he's been freeloading off everything in the palace, and I need to make sure you DON'T actually know him before I have him crushed to death. Oh, and he wants to talk to you."

Yzma groaned. "I don't have time to play games with intruders who drop names."

A very familiar voice broke in: "Let me talk to her, 'kay?" Judging by the motion of the scrying, the enchantlet was whipped right off Darla's wrist and onto someone else's. A familiar face with long, dark lashes and red-orange hair falling over one eye.

"ROMAN?" Yzma flinched. "It was YOU?"

Roman took one look at her and immediately burst into hysterical guffaws. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU? Oh, GODS, I needed that laugh today!"

"I don't want to talk about it," Yzma said flatly.

"Anyway," Roman said, "I came all the way here with my new pals JUST to say hello to you, and you just shut me down like that?"

"You want something, don't you?" Yzma sighed.

"…Yeah, I want something," Roman admitted. "But also, we haven't caught up in a while. We should hang out for a bit. Not too long, y'know, since I am on a crucial mission that determines the fate of one of our nearest and dearest, but still!"

"What happened to Snatcher?" Wuya asked.

"Why do you assume anything happened?" Roman replied.

"Because I know the two of you," Wuya said. "And if you two had some sort of weird emergency, and YOU'RE here, that means HE'S in enemy hands."

Roman let out a groan of a sigh. "Yeah. It's not great. I just need a quick favor off you all before I can go get him back."

"Well, I suppose for YOU, and for Snatcher, I can make the time," Yzma sighed. "We'll rendez-vous at Yzmatopia and then we can talk. For now, just try not to set the palace on fire, will you?"

"Already too late for that!" Roman laughed. "Lucky your gorilla was here to just…stomp on it and put it out. That is one convenient bodyguard, if a nuisance for your actual friends to get past."

"Hand me back to Darla," Yzma commanded.

Roman did so. "Yes?" Darla greeted.

"Don't harm him or any of his weird entourage in any way," Yzma commanded. "He actually IS a friend of mine."

"Oh, goody." Darla wrinkled her nose. "Because he's already been SUCH a prince charming."

"You learn to love him," Yzma replied. "We'll be there in two shakes of a cat's tail." She whipped her tail twice for emphasis.

"Oh, and one other thing," Darla said. "Out of everyone who tagged along, there's one here who MIGHT have potential as a co-star and a couple ladies with plenty of attitude, but the other one keeps wanting to eat the civilians I pushed to get taxes from. Should I let him?"

Yzma had to think that one over. "Eh, probably not. We're already having enough trouble with the rebellion as-is. Just go out and find him a nice fresh cow or something."

"There are plenty of those on the Isle of Beanstalks…" Darla mused. "Well, I think that's just about everything."

"No it's not!" Roman broke in. "I'm still not done laughing at you. WHY ARE YOU A FUCKING CAT – "

Yzma disconnected before he could dissolve into any further hysterics. "Back to Yzmatopia on the double!" she commanded, hopping into Wuya's backpack.

...

It was easier than expected to round up Asmodeus and the rest of the demon crew, as well as Mysterio. Aghoul's team gathered with them at the edge of Asgard, looking in upon the wreckage of the incident.

"What a beautiful sight," Aghoul sighed.

"I still can't BELIEVE you released Surtur!" Ozzie slapped his thigh, wheezing. "You really are one crazy son of a bitch."

"Well, don't give me all the credit," Aghoul taunted. "Enmu and Pollution were the ones to come up with the idea."

"I'm surprised, Pollution," War said with a sly smile. "That move seemed more like my motif than yours."

"I may have asked myself what War would do," Pollution admitted, rocking back and forth on their heels.

"You know, Ozzie," Aghoul said. "It's still not too late to sign up for the WHAM ARMY officially."

"Answer's still hell no," Ozzie responded. "But I'll tell you what. The day ever comes that I somehow get thrown off the throne of the Lust ring, I'll know who to call."

"Then I hope the club will be able to run without its star attraction for a while," Verosika said, tossing her hair. "Because Nevan and I want to see where this whole WHAM ARMY thing goes."

"We'll check back in to put in a performance every now and again," Nevan promised.

"Well, demons!" Ozzie clapped his massive hands. "We've got work to do! Let's load up and get outta here before the sun comes up!"

"It's been fun!" Betelgeuse said with a wave as he followed Ozzie, Fizzarolli, the Horsepeople of the Apocalypse, Paige, Tony, Nehema, and Helen into Enmu's car. "Don't forget the name, now! I'm just three repetitions of it away!"

"And don't forget to GET CREATIVE!" Paige added.

As Enmu gathered steam and momentum, the group could hear Fizzarolli saying loudly, "SO WHO WANTS TO SWING PAST THE BAD PLACE AND THE LOWER MULTIPLANE TO PICK UP SOME MORE PARTY PEOPLE?" There was a cheer and a loud intro to a 90s pop anthem, and then Enmu was off, riding straight over the edge of the Bifrost and disappearing into the void between worlds.

"You know, for us not getting at all what we came for, I'd say this whole venture turned out pretty well indeed," Mysterio mused. "What else could we have asked for, besides the Tesseract and the humiliation of Loki? We got action! Romance! Intrigue! Musical numbers! A star performance from yours truly!"

"Actually," Mim realized, "we got EXACTLY what we wanted. Our entire scheme hinged on exposing Loki for who he really was."

"And now he's who he really is," Aghoul reminded the group, "and everyone seems to be okay with it. It's not like we can really go back and prove he WAS the false Odin now that he's not wearing that face anymore."

"You know!" Mysterio realized. "I hadn't thought if that way! So in a sense, even though he won…we still did win!"

"That's good enough for me!" Mim crowed.

"I guess we're done here, then," Aghoul said. "We can ride off into the sunset! And prepare for the next devilish scheme, of course."

"…Now hold on." Mim had turned to give Asgard's wreckage one last survey. Had she not done so, she wouldn't have seen the straggler who so cautiously approached the group, uncharacteristically hesitant. "We might have one more loose end to fray."

"Hm?" Aghoul turned to give the scene a look.

Ebony Maw put his hands together, bowing his head as he walked closer. "It seems my servitude to Thanos has come to a most disappointing end."

Carrion, Sho, Whisp, Skulker, and Verosika braced for battle right away, standing in a lineup in front of Aghoul. Aghoul, however, pushed past them, looking Ebony in the eye. "You know," Aghoul said, "you might've given us an awful lot of trouble earlier, but it was also a whole lot of fun, in the morbid way."

"Indeed," Ebony replied. "I myself cherish the memory of it already. Yet I have come here for a matter of business. Do you recall what we discussed on that battlefield?"

"You were looking at us as a backup option," Mim remembered. "In case Thanos went out with a bang. And I would sure say he did!"

"You proved yourselves the stronger masters on this day," Ebony said. "It would benefit me far more to align myself with you than to fade into obscurity." He went down to one knee. "My liege, if you would have me."

"This is a trap, isn't it?" Sho barked.

"Rest assured that it is not," Ebony said. "After all, I freely admit that I seek opportunity. You are a means to an end, as was Thanos."

"That's what they all say in the beginning," Aghoul teased. "I bet you get attached to our little band of misfits."

"If so," Ebony replied, "then you will have to prove yourselves a far more engaging outfit than the Black Order."

"We're already that," Mim huffed.

"They were a bunch of stiffs," Aghoul confirmed.

"If you still do not believe my word, however…" Ebony tossed a small object Aghoul's way. "Take instead my action."

Aghoul caught it, giving it a once-over. It was the Eye of Agamotto, sparkling green.

"Someone say something that we all wish we'd never heard," Aghoul said.

"Thanks to the last pig of a demon I fucked down in Lust, I'm having a flare-up in the south," Verosika stated (she was always ready when it came to the too-much-information game). "Shit burns like the Wrath ring. Don't worry; I'm still gonna be DTF in a few days, probably a day and a half tops. Succubi pass STDs like the common cold. Anyway, you've got a stockpile of extra panties waiting back at base, right? And I only wear thongs. For the breeze."

Everyone else – Ebony included – stared at her with expressions of pure stupefaction.

Aghoul clutched the Eye tightly, willing time itself to his command. He needed to be sure he had been presented with the real thing and not a facsimile that Ebony had whipped up for the occasion. Sure enough, he was able to travel back in time precisely thirty seconds.

"Who remembers the last thing Verosika just said?" Aghoul asked.

"She told Ozzie she wasn't going back to the club to sing," Ember said. "That was a while ago, though. What's that have to do with anything?"

Aghoul winked at Ebony, who of course knew what he'd just done, even if he was thankfully spared the sordid details.

"What is your verdict?" Ebony asked.

"Hmm…" Aghoul thought it over. "I think we'll need to have a conference first."

"Oh, I love this trope," Mysterio pretty much squealed as everyone huddled up to whisper about this momentous decision.

Ebony tried in vain to hear exactly what all was said at the conference. He heard such stray phrases as "Good traitors are hard to find," "Trust is overrated," "What about honor among thieves?", "Did you just use the Time Stone to erase my argument from existence?", "x = −b ± √b²-4ac/2a," "Rock on," "Really, this sort of thing is a scène a faire for villain subplots," "lmaoooooo get rekt," and "That doesn't answer my question of where we're going out to eat later."

There was a long pause. Sho, obviously the last dissenter, sighed and said "It's your funeral."

The conference opened back up. "The council has come to a decision!" Mysterio proclaimed.

Ebony rose to both feet. "And that decision is?"

Ember raised her arms, clapping rhythmically. Aghoul walked out front of the crowd, bowing to Aghoul, and to the beat that Ember gave him, he began to sing:

"Ready? Okay! Hi! I'll be your guide! I'll be your G-U-I-D-E to the other side! Don't go to the Netherworld – "

Ebony raised a brow. "Netherworld?"

"Did I say Netherworld?" Aghoul waved it off. "Never mind! I'm the A to the Y to the WHAM to the ghoul and – Allah, I can't spell!"

Verosika and Nevan lined up to either side of him, clapping along to Ember's beat. "Hi!" they both sang. "He'll be your guide! He'll be your G-U-I-D-E to the other side!"

Aghoul threw an arm around the waist of each woman flanking him. "LET'S ALL GET NAKED!"

Verosika and Nevan pushed him forcefully away, yelling "NO!"

Aghoul fell to the ground. "Eh, worth a try." He backflipped back up onto his feet, ready to give the spelling thing another try: "I'm the A to the Y to the A-M-A to the G-H-O-U-L!" He pumped a fist; "NAILED IT! I understand it's a lot to process, but the good news is: I'M YOUR NEW BOSS!"

Ebony smiled, despite himself.

"So it's not a huge loss that the purple one's out!" Aghoul scoffed. "We're thining maybe you should stick around!" He pranced around Ebony, flouncing his cape for effect. "Lucky for you I dropped by! You seem like an awful guy! A little on the long monologue and space-sci-fi side! As for me, I've been scaring for millennia! I'm the Duke of Decay, known from Turkey to Turkmenia! Forget about that big bore; we're a spicier flavor! Just stick with me; I'm your skeletal zombie savior!"

"SKELETAL ZOMBIE SAVIOR!" everyone else chorused.

"And we do it for the love of it!" belted Mysterio, who wasn't about to let this number end without getting a line in it.

"Money?" Verosika waved her hand. "Eh, who gives a shit?"

Mim bounded up and down; "I think we're all a perfect fit!"

Aghoul spread his arms wide; "COME ON! LET'S MAKE OUT A BIT!"

With a high-pitched "YEEAAAHHHHH!", Mim sprang into his arms, and they kissed for as long as they could get away with before the next beat.

"It's the perfect day for Thanos to die!" Aghoul sang as he whirled Mim around. "'Cause this guy happened to be passing by! To give you control of your soul for the whole being dead thing!"

He spun Mim out, and the whole group chorused as one, "THE WHOLE BEING DEAD THING! YEAAAAHHHHHH!"

Ebony found himself chuckling. "Control of my soul, hm?" he snickered. "Perhaps it is time I had a little more of that. This may be a beneficial venture in more than one respect."

"I KNEW we wouldn't regret adopting him," Mysterio said. "I was on your side from the start, you know."

"Actually, he argued both for AND against you depending on what would make him sound more contrarian," Ember sighed.

"Well, with that settled," Aghoul said, "let's all go home, shall we?"

He gestured dramatically, and a Corridor formed itself. "Single file, now. Oh, and Verosika, about that little 'common cold' you have, I can assure you that back home, we're definitely stocked up on – "

Mim didn't know exactly what Aghoul was referring to, but according to Verosika's reaction, it was horribly offensive, so Mim got herself ready for a good laugh at the succubus' expense. But it never came. All at once, Mim seemed to be the only person in the world, quite literally. Every single ally vanished, leaving her alone at the edge of an empty Asgard. The Corridor wasn't there either.

Of course, Mim knew this wasn't really a mass depopulation. This was a spell. Someone was calling her via magic, hijacking her own mind, and making sure she was focusing on nothing but the caster.

"Who's there?" she barked, stamping a foot. "What's the meaning of this?"

There was a defeated sigh. A breathy voice; "So you're aware…the only reason I've come to you for help is that I am truly desperate."

Mim turned around to see him. The caster. A man with an emotion-worn face and shoulder-length honey-blond hair, dressed in a suit and tie and leaning on a cane. He hardly looked the part of a mage, but Mim could sense the power coursing from him – or at least from this construct that he'd put in her mind.

That wasn't all. She knew this power. It was a distinct aura, like a familiar old smell from childhood. This man's power was unmistakably the exact same as hers.

"Now hold on JUST a minute!" Mim leapt up to wag a finger in his face. "What's the meaning of this? Some sort of trick? Or are you a parallel-universe me? I sure hope not, because I would never dress so horribly bland! No, sir!"

The man didn't flinch. He just let out yet another sigh of frustration. "There will be plenty of time to criticize my fashion choices later. For now, you're my absolute last resort. You and I are connected by powerful magic. There's a quite obvious reason that my powers seem the same as yours, and I'll let you figure it out. For now, I've exhausted every other avenue known to me, but in the end…I suppose my life depends on whether or not you have a single loyal bone in your body."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Mim scoffed. "Why would I want to help someone like you? Why would I want to help anyone at all?"

"Because if you don't," the man said, "I'm about to die. The Overtakers will take my magic and then my life. When I do die, all my power will transfer over to whatever upstart they chose to cheat their way to the top, and I have a sinking feeling I know exactly which one they're going to give it to. Now, I've already died once, to be perfectly clear. I did so bringing down Malcolm. And I'm in no mood to undergo that a second time. Yes, that is your confirmation that he is FINALLY dead."

"Malcolm?" Mim thought it over. "I've only ever known one Malcolm. But that was centuries ago! A man-child who shirked responsibility at every turn. But such a skirt-chaser that he was easy to seduce. Ah, the memories…Malcolm himself was pathetic as they come, but I did give him a child and was able to leave him holding the bag! And all the while, he'd thought I was a beautiful siren of a lady, when in fact, I'm the ugly witch you see before you! What a wonderful prank it was!"

The man gave Mim a look of exasperation that indicated she should have made the connection already.

"WAIT." Her eyes widened. "You…you couldn't be! YOU?"

"Yes," the man said through gritted teeth. "Mother."

Mim didn't know what to say at first. Then she broke down into tears of laughter. "Oh, OH, this is too wonderful! Because I can sense what kind of magic YOU'RE filled with. It's bigger and Darker than I left you with when you were an infant! You grew up to fill your old mother's shoes, even though you never knew her name!"

"Obviously I found it out," the man replied. "After all the years I spent putting my plans in order, there's very little of what's pertinent to me that I still don't know."

"Well, I can tell a few things too," Mim boasted. "You're not just ANY mage. You've grown up and become the Dark One, haven't you, Rumplestiltskin?" She snickered. "I'd almost forgotten that I'd saddled you with that ridiculous name! Tell me you've put it to good use, like making maidens guess it in order to keep their firstborn!"

"Are you utterly done wasting my time?" Rumplestiltskin grumbled. "What I'm about to offer you is a deal you can't refuse. Break me free of the Overtakers' clutches and the WHAM ARMY, which, yes, I do know about, gains the allegiance of the Dark One."

"You know, I wouldn't have bothered," Mim said, "but it endears me so to know that my only son became so rotten to the core! You'd really pledge yourself to the WHAM ARMY?"

"There is nothing else waiting for me in all the realms," Rumplestiltskin stated. "Believe me, I've attempted to look. All I have ever loved demanded a price too high for even me to pay. …And what do you mean, 'only son'? There was another not twenty years ago. You GAVE him the means to return to life from the dead only a few days ago.""

"No, there wasn't," Mim said. "I'd remember it. Unless, of course, that was me from the future traveling back in time from somewhere after now, which it could very well be. In that case, don't tell me any more, because if he's a good little villain, I don't want to ruin my chances of it happening."

"Believe me," Rumplestiltskin affirmed, "he's a villainous sort, and anything but good. Now, if you agree to my deal – "

"It's MY deal, actually." Mim folded her arms. "You can't pull one over on your own mother! You're the one who'll have to worry about living up to your end of the bargain."

"Then hear me," Rumplestiltskin said. "I am imprisoned, under a sleeping curse that even bars my access to the Netherworld, in a place they call the 'Galaxy Generator.' A cosmic laboratory that Maleficent's mad scientist division seems to have infested. Not the Enchanted Forest Maleficent, mind you – "

"I know which one you mean," Mim told him. "I didn't even know there were more. But I suppose there are infinite worlds. Perhaps there's even one out there who's a tragic heroine with a bad reputation! How I'd love to find HER existence and use it to humiliate the one we both know!"

"And I will do everything in my power to help you track her down if that is your desire," Rumplestiltskin vowed. "But first, you have to rescue me before the captain of bad decisions and beer breath takes away all my power for his own. Because if that man – the one they call Captain Hook – becomes the Dark One, well. That's a card you don't want Maleficent to play against you."

"You really did use all the magic you've got just to send this message," Mim realized. "Very well. We'll come pick you up. I have a feeling I know exactly which Galaxy Generator you mean."

"Just to be sure." Rumplestiltskin held out the hand that didn't clutch the cane. "Use this to find me."

A globe of ethereal crystal shimmered into existence, floating above his palm. Inside of it, Mim could see a distant galaxy backed by a star-studded sky. She swiped it away, and immediately, she knew exactly where it was she had to go. It was exactly where she'd thought it was in the first place. "And after this, the WHAM ARMY gets the Dark One? Unquestionably?"

"For all eternity," Rumplestiltskin vowed.

"Then it's a done deal," Mim said. "Just sit tight. And I'll even bring your new stepfather along – or one of them, anyway."

"One more thing." Rumplestiltskin put up a hand. "Just in case the worst should happen…carry with you one or two of those pocket resurrection spells."

"Now hold on," Mim said. "If you die, then no Dark One. But that's the deal you gave me, and you wouldn't have offered it if it couldn't be had. You don't intend to die. You want those Death Bombs for something else."

Rumplestiltskin, despite himself, grinned. "Perceptive. We'll talk more when you arrive." He raised his free hand, waved it –

Aghoul, Mysterio, and Ebony were back. Everyone else had already exited through the Corridor. Aghoul's head was situated backwards upon his body, chin over his back.

"What happened to you?" Mim asked him.

"Verosika slapped him," Mysterio chortled. "And he deserved it."

"Is everything all right, corpseflower?" Aghoul asked.

"No!" Mim dismissed his Corridor and created a new one. "Change in plans! The four of us will do. We're going on a search and rescue!"

Aghoul finally twisted his head back on the correct way. "What brought this on?"

"I just had a magical missive from the Dark One himself," Mim explained. "As it turns out, he's my estranged son."

"You have a SON?" Mysterio did an exaggerated double take.

"I…presume this is out of character for you," Ebony said as he looked from Mysterio to Mim.

"Not really," Aghoul said. "Not if she waited it out to birth him and left the father holding the bag. Especially if she gave the child a name that would make his childhood nonstop torment."

"Which is exactly what I did," Mim affirmed. "Centuries ago, in fact. The boy found his way into immortality, which is no less than I'd expect from my son! He also found his way into the Overtakers' hands. They're about to create their OWN Dark One by slaying him. He's promised that if we extract him, the Dark One's loyalty will be ours!"

"THE DARK ONE HIMSELF?" Aghoul gaped. "Well, well, WELL! What a fortuitous circumstance!"

"The Dark One," Ebony repeated. "Should I…know that name?"

"I'm as lost as you are," Mysterio admitted.

"I'll explain on the way," Mim said. "We're going to the Galaxy Generator, formerly Bowser's. It's time to show the Overtakers what happens when you mess with the marvelous, magnificent MAD MAD MAD MAD MADAM MIM!"

...

When Yzma and Wuya returned to Yzmatopia, they intruded upon an intense game of charades. Symonne stood before half the room – Lunarre, Maltran, Neo, and Roman – marching around with a soldier's gait. She carried a wicked spear with a black tip, she was dressed in a miniature version of Maltran's uniform, and she had changed her hair to be a magenta side-ponytail. On the other half of the room, Darla, Max, Shrimp, Cloak, Dagger, and the still-brainwashed Chrysta waited for an hourglass to run out of deep-plum sand.

"Hellion!" Lunarre called out.

"Ironwood!" Roman yelled.

Neo held up a sign that read "STICK IN THE MUD"

"Three," Max said, deadpan. "Two. One. Time is up."

Symonne threw down the illusion-generated spear. "I'm MALTRAN," she growled. "As in the woman sitting RIGHT NEXT TO YOU."

Roman and Lunarre gave an "Ohhhh" of understanding. Neo's face mirrored it.

"I did know, by the by," Maltran said. "But your performance was less than flattering, so I decided not to dignify it."

Symonne rolled her eyes, then dismissed the spear, the outfit, and the hair, going back to how she'd looked before.

"My turn!" Darla took a paper from a porcelain bowl, then hopped and twirled up to the performance area. When it was time to begin, she took one step forward, raised a hand –

"The concept of ennui!" Max, Chrysta, and Shrimp all said as one.

"That's right!" Darla flounced offstage.

"I'm sure you're cheating somehow," Symonne accused. "One of your team is brainwashed to do as you please, and another is your loyal manservant!"

"Don't hate me because I'm a better actress than you," Darla taunted.

"You are by NO measure a better actress than I am!" Symonne spat.

"Then prove it," Darla challenged.

"I will," Symonne vowed.

"Sorry to interrupt this absolutely critical strategy meeting – " Morgana said as she, Daria, Twitch, and Wuya entered. Yzma hopped out of the backpack and onto Wuya's shoulder.

Roman immediately busted into laughter yet again. "GODS, YOU LOOK EVEN STUPIDER IN PERSON – "

"Laugh it up," Yzma snarled, raising a paw and extending curved claws.

"How do you expect me to take your threat seriously when you say it in your little kitty voice and you put up your little TOE BEANS – "

Wuya looked to Roman's half of the charades party. "Your associates?"

Maltran bowed. "Maltran. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Lunarre nodded. "Lunarre. Remember it."

"And I am Symonne." Symonne gave a twirl and a bow. "The superior child actress in the room."

"She's really a good actress, you know," Darla chimed in. "She even managed to convice herself that she wasn't second to me! And THAT'S what we call delusional!"

"Well, now that we're all introduced," Yzma said, "I have a human potion to brew so we can speak in – ARE YOU THROUGH?"

Roman shut himself up, biting his lip.

"So we can speak in a sense of dignity and mutual respect," Yzma huffed.

"Okay, but while we're down there," Roman said. "I need a couple potions too. My squad here and I are on a little field trip to recruit someone…unconventional. We're going to need to speak to him…not as humans."

"I see," Yzma mused. "And what manner of animal do you need to be?"

"Insect or arachnid," Roman said. "It really doesn't matter which one from there. And not like a human-sized one either. A normal one. Tiny."

"Where in the worlds are you going?" Wuya asked, confused.

"The most backwater city you can think of," Roman sighed. "Anyway, that's the way in; now, on the way OUT, we need to make the newbie presentable to run with our team."

"So you're bringing back a bug," Yzma determined. "And you need him to be human by the time you – "

"Not necessarily human," Roman said. "Just…bigger. I'm not gonna be responsible for it if anyone squashes our MVP by accident. Also, we need him at least large enough to put on a propaganda show for a city full of regular humans to watch and get swept up in. Human is optional, and based on what little intel I have, I'm guessing he won't even go for that."

"So you're putting your hopes and dreams on a giant bug," Yzma realized.

"I'm putting my hopes and dreams on a giant bug," Roman affirmed. "So. Can you do it?"

"With my hands tied behind my back," Yzma said proudly. "Or, as the situation calls for, morphed into paws. …I may need some assistance in preparing the ingredients."

"No problemo!" Roman assured. "Just don't expect me to become a full-time lab assistant back at base."

"You joke, but I'll do almost anything to stop Snipe from trying to get the position back."

"Oh, and one more teeny-tiny little thing," Roman said. "Say one of us ever…at some point…misused a teleporter and fused themselves to a wall, and now part of their body is inextricable from the wall. Like, bound on a molecular level. Would you happen to have anything that would put that little situation back in order?"

"Is this something you expect you're going to be doing on an unchecked impulse, or something one of your cohorts already did?" Wuya asked flatly.

"Definitely that first one," Roman said.

"Much as I can't fathom why any idiot would try that with a teleporter," Yzma stated, "the potion you're looking for to separate flesh from non-flesh can be made. Which puts my workload at three times what it was in the start, so we need to get started NOW."

"Say the word," Roman told her.

"And that word is…" Yzma straightened up. "TO THE SECRET LAB!"

Wuya went running off toward said lab, and Roman followed, tearing out of the room. That left Symonne, Maltran, Lunarre, Neo, Darla, Shrimp, Max, Chrysta, and the two rays.

Symonne glowered at Darla. "I still have a point to prove to you."

"Round two, then?" Darla asked, batting her lashes.

Wuya and Roman came to a halt before the entrance to the lab. Yzma proudly proclaimed, "PULL THE LEVER, ROMAN!"

Roman and Wuya, instead of pulling any levers, gaped at the scene before them. "What…" Roman muttered.

"You can't be serious," Wuya groaned.

"Well?" Yzma asked. "What are you waiting for?"

"Quick question," Roman said. "Which one?"

There were four different levers splayed out in a line.

"I swear I didn't install that many," Wuya groaned. "Did you bribe Morgana behind my back?"

"Eheh…it was like this when we moved in?" Yzma said, her voice cracking.

"No it wasn't," Wuya said flatly.

"Why do you even HAVE those other levers?" Roman asked. "What is the actual point of having multiple fake levers? You're the only people who live here!"

"In my defense, there are also a lot of idiots," Yzma said. "You think I want Max, Indus, Twitch, or the Lobster Mobster? Or, Macuilxochitl forbid, SHRIMP."

"So which one's the right one?" Wuya asked.

"I…don't know," Yzma admitted. "You'll just have to try two."

Wuya and Roman exchanged glances.

"I mean, this makes about as much sense as the usual," Roman said. "Truth be told, I kind of missed this brand of fuckery."

"Well, let's get it over with," Wuya said.

She and Roman advanced. Yzma hopped off Wuya's shoulder and backed away; "Proceed."

Then she scuttled a few more feet back, just in case.

"She's not exactly inspiring confidence," Roman sighed.

Each seized a lever and pulled it down. Then waited.

"Huh," Wuya said after a mild interval of silence. "I expected more."

"I say just this once," Roman suggested, "we look the gift horse in the – "

That was when the gift horse, an Each Uisge from the Isle of Sea Monsters, showed up and tried to tear both Wuya and Roman apart with its dagger-like fangs. Three gunshots and an explosion of green flame later, the Each Uisge was reduced to ash.

"You know that's going to cause an absolute diplomatic incident with the sea monsters," Yzma sighed.

"Gee, maybe whoever designed this trap should've thought of that before," Wuya muttered.

She and Roman took the other two levers and pulled. An arched door shimmered into existence, as though drawn by a NecessiKey. At the same time, a chute overhead opened up and dropped several pounds' worth of Yzmatopia's garbage onto Roman.

"Why is it always me?" Roman groaned, brushing a banana peel off his shoulder. (That one brought back some annoying memories.)

"Because it's funny," Wuya snickered, sauntering into the entrance.

Roman followed, trying to shake leftover soup slop out of the brim of his hat. Yzma bounded along after.

From there, they boarded a small boat carved in the shape of a hoatzin, if hoatzins swam more like ducks. The hoatzin-boat took off down a lazy river as a jazzy instrumental version of "Yzmopolis" played overhead. All along the river, automatons had been installed to replicate the various magic creatures of the isles: unicorns, dragons, chimeras, and more.

"I think I liked the rollercoaster better," Roman observed. "Still a solid design, though."

"I could get used to it," Wuya said with a nod.

The boat docked in the new secret lab, and all three exited it while still humming Yzmopolis. Yzma then took center stage on a worktable. "All right! I'm going to need several varieties of crystal pounded to dust – "

Roman put up a hand. "Dibs on breaking things."

"Granted," Yzma told him. "I'm also going to need the ash of a giant beanstalk."

"Got it." Wuya moved back toward the Bunsen burners.

"Wait," Roman said. "Is it too late to ask to burn things instead?"

"No take-backs," Wuya told him.

"Okay." He went back to work.

Yzma paged through a book of potion recipes. "Hmm…let's see. I'm going to need a pulverized water-aspected crystal…"

Roman searched through the crystal cabinet. "Yeah, out of those."

"What about fire-aspected?" Yzma asked.

"Out of that too."

"Do we have any crystals that have been purified under twelve full moons by unicorn horns?"

"Oh, gee, a massively more specific crystal than either of the two you just asked me for? We sure do have that."

"Great!" Yzma chirped. "One out of three!"

Roman looked to her incredulously. "That…was sarcasm?"

"So none out of three, then," Yzma hissed. "Well, then. I certainly see what this situation calls for. We're going to need to launch another sidetrack-quest that will divert us even further from our main goal. In order to find the crystals required, we'll need to do a sweep of the islands. We start east, we move west, and if we encounter any revolutionaries, we engage in an epic battle that's sure to leave us with bruises, broken bones, and a long period of medical leave!"

Wuya shrugged. "This might as well happen."

"Ditto," Roman affirmed. "When do we leave?"

Then another hoatzin docked at the lab, and Prisma came running in. "Yzma! WONDERFUL news! I've just become a fully-fledged Crystal Master, meaning I can create literally any crystal that anyone asks for at the drop of a hat!" A pause. She looked at Roman. "Who's this?"

"The guy that is very grateful for the hassle you just saved us," Roman replied.

"PERFECT!" Yzma crowed. "I'm about to place a very large order, Prisma. I expect the friends-and-family discount."

"You mean on the house?" Prisma chuckled.

"Also," Wuya said, "while we work, I want to hear everything about what you've been up to, Roman. It feels like we haven't met up in a year or more."

"I mean, it's only been a couple weeks tops," Roman replied, "more or less depending on time flow in the world everyone's on. But you know I'm ready to wax poetical about my victorious achievements any day of the week. And I still need to know how you all came by this lovely resort facility. And I guess I should know who the crystal lady is."

"Prisma!" Prisma waved excitedly.

Roman flicked the brim of his hat. "Roman Torchwick. Greatest criminal this side of Vale."

"But probably ranked more about number fifty this side of the Everrealm," Wuya snickered.

"Laugh it up," Roman told her.

"I will," Wuya said. "Because it's funny."

There was a pause. Both of them said, without forethought, "Man, I missed this."

"Which is why it's all the more imperative that we use this time to tell each other of all our GLORIOUS exploits!" Yzma crowed. "Especially MINE!"

They went to work, bashing and burning and melting and slicing and stewing every sort of ingredient. Meanwhile, the game of charades was getting more heated by the moment. Morgana, Twitch, and Daria had joined Darla's side, but now Mera, Indus, Undertow, and the Lobster Mobster were on Symonne's. Shrimp had expressed disappointment that the Lobster Mobster was on the competing team, to which the Lobster Mobster had to explain that that was exactly the point.

Somehow, having this many people made Symonne's team even worse at guessing.

"A flying fish!" Undertow yelled.

"A jigsaw puzzle!" Indus called out.

"If it's a duck," Mera grumbled, "I will slap you. Yes, it will break my hand. I'll do it anyway."

"Yeah, that's obviously Crab Louie himself, see?" the Lobster Mobster guessed.

The hourglass ran out. "You mean to tell me you couldn't even guess a CHICKEN?" Symonne spat. "Where in the hell did you get JIGSAW PUZZLE from?"

There was a pause. Then Shrimp cleared his throat; "What's a chicken?"

"Just think of it like tuna of the land," Morgana told him.

"Hmm…" Indus thought it over. "That was not a very good chicken. You didn't do it right."

"HOW DID I NOT PROPERLY ACT LIKE A CHICKEN?" Symonne barked.

"You did not do this." Indus formed his arms into pseudo-wings, flapping them. Then he put up both hands, shaping them like beaks, making them open and close. Then he clapped.

"…How is that a chicken?" Symonne asked.

"Wait," Mera realized. "You don't know the chicken dance?"

"I don't think I want to know the chicken dance," Symonne replied.

"Let's just forget about this and move on," Maltran sighed.

"You're right," Mera said.

"My turn!" Darla flounced up to the performance area. "Let's see – "

"Okay, no, I can't let it go that you don't know what the chicken dance is," Mera interrupted. "The rest of you know what the chicken dance is, right?"

She was met with blank stares. And one silly grin from Neo, who knew this was going to be good.

Mera sighed. "Game's on pause. Indus, teach these Philistines the chicken dance."

"That is one of my favorite minion duties!" Indus cheered.

Down in the secret lab, Yzma lined up four potions. She'd wanted to make them all and then label them, but Roman and Wuya had insisted on labeling them the minute each was made, which really didn't fit with Yzma's preferred organizational system. Still and all, she let them do it in order to keep the peace.

Wuya slid one potion toward her and Yzma's half of the table. "One human potion for us," she said. Then she slid the others toward Roman; "One quintuple dose of potion that turns you into your inner creepy-crawly. One enlarging potion, meant to be used on an undefined insect. And one potion that will separate the molecules of the human body from a foreign inanimate object. That last one, you don't drink, so just have Snatcher put it right on whatever body part he fused to the wall."

Roman gave Wuya a silent stare. Then: "I told you I – "

"I know what you told me," Wuya replied. "I also know the two of you."

"You suck."

"I know."

Yzma eagerly popped the lid off the human transfiguration potion. "As they say…bottoms up." She ended up tipping onto her back, clutching the bottle with her paws like a baby holding its feeding bottle.

A "click" alerted her to Roman taking a photo of her doing so. "That's a cute cat picture," he said. "I'm gonna save that."

Yzma didn't dare take her lips away from the bottle neck. The only reason she didn't tell him off.

In a puff of purple smoke, she was returned to human form, though her clothes were still disheveled from the tumble in Vallestrella. Tossing the bottle over her shoulder (it bonked Prisma on the head), Yzma finally told Roman off: "I am NOT one of your may-mays to text to the moron contingent?"

"DID YOU JUST PRONOUNCE IT 'MAY-MAYS'?" Roman was beside himself with laughter.

"Memes," Wuya whispered. "It's memes."

"I like mine better," Yzma responded.

Her scroll beeped. She opened up its message box to see a picture of herself with the bottle, and bold white text that read "i can has drinkz to forget mondayz?"

"Youuuuu…" Yzma pounced at Roman, swiping for his scroll. "GIVE ME THAT!"

"NO!" Roman hunched over it protectively as Yzma clung to his back. He was quite obviously texting it to as many people as possible.

Wuya had to forcibly drag both of them back to the hoatzin boat. Prisma joined them, singing along with what lyrics of Yzmopolis she could remember all the way back to the castle proper. Finally, Yzma managed to cool off and accept that she was never going to get the silly cat pictures off Roman's scroll, so the group was in good spirits by the time they returned to the foyer.

Where Mera, Indus, the Lobster Mobster, Undertow, Morgana, Daria, Twitch, Darla, Max, Shrimp, Chrysta, Neo, Maltran, Lunarre, and Symonne were all doing the chicken dance in perfect flash-mob formation.

"This is just normal for you, isn't it?" Roman teased.

"How is THIS normal for me?" Yzma asked, gesturing to the chicken dancers.

"Not the dance specifically," Roman said. "I mean…just…the vibe."

"Yeah, I see what you're saying," Wuya replied.

Roman clapped his hands twice as he entered the dance floor area; "Okay, Team Roman-no-Yang is leaving in five! Last bathroom break, and I mean it!"

Symonne, Lunarre, Maltran, and Neo broke away to follow him. On her way out, Symonne bowed with a flourish in Darla's direction; "It was an honor to test my skills against your obvious cheating." Then to Mera; "And to learn your chicken ritual."

"Don't be a stranger!" Wuya called out as the group departed.

Yzma looked to the rest of her chicken dancers. "You can stop that now, you know."

"But it's fun!" Twitch argued.

Yzma rolled her eyes. "We have bigger fish to fry at the moment! Such as – "

She saw Daria, Morgana, Undertow, the Lobster Mobster, and Shrimp all recoil, looking at her in horror.

"Poor choice of words," Yzma realized. "We have bigger chickens to fricassee! Such as the fact that if left unchecked, these burgeoning revolutionaries will drive us out of house and home! That, or we'll never recoup any taxes from them, and we'll have to actually BUDGET, which is tantamount to declaring bankruptcy as far as I'm concerned."

"Of course, we can fix that with a couple new recruits," Wuya said. "Last ones. I promise."

"New friends!" Prisma bounced up and down. "I'm so excited! Who gets to join the club?"

"I am proud to announce that we are going after – " Yzma began.

Then her scroll beeped. She looked down to see a completely new picture of herself as a cat, barking out orders in the lab. It was captioned "i took like 100 of these when u werent looking lmao"

"…Wonderful," Yzma huffed.

...

It had been decided: the Huntsman was going to go to Hell.

"There is but one remaining on my list of assignments," he informed Miratrix, Albel, Whiplash, Blizzard, Jihl, and Loqi. "That one will give us the final edge required to pass this bracket with flying colors – all the more important now that I am barred from participation in what was supposed to be my own moment of triumph."

"Luckily, we have a tip-off," Mozenrath said. "Here I was thinking we'd have to complete an intricate demon-summoning ritual with about a fifty-two percent success rate. Am I mildly miffed that I no longer get to use the fifty ceremonial candles, made with beeswax harvested from a colony that took up residence in a pile of corpses, that I stocked up on just for this occasion? Perhaps. However, Ayam Aghoul just sent me word that he's granted us all permission to come and go from Hell as we please – which is no mean feat. He even has the hotline we call to get our ride."

"We shall depart at once," the Huntsman said. "It will be simplest to find our way into the Netherrealm in Outworld, then signal the train from there."

"The rest of you get to stay here and watch the tournament from the comfort of the lounge," Mozenrath explained. "Don't anyone take my seat. I WILL know."

"So you're just going to go to Hell and expect us all to stay behind?" Jihl realized. "How is that in any way fair?"

"Worm!" Albel barked. "You would disobey a direct order from our superior?"

"Do I hear a request to willingly make your way to that realm which the living spend every waking moment trying to avoid?" the Huntsman asked.

Jihl shrugged. "I'm a little cagey. What else can I say?"

"If the Saboteur goes," Loqi said quickly, "then I go as well. You may need a bodyguard on the frontline to fend off hostile forces."

"There is strength to be had in numbers," the Huntsman agreed. "But that is as far as it goes. Each time we remove all our forces from Sakaar, we risk rousing greater suspicion. The Grandmaster will now have an idea of just how many of us go missing for just how long of a period of time. Some must remain in order to keep up appearances in our prison cells."

"I will gladly." Miratrix bowed to a knee.

Albel, not to be outdone, crouched down even lower than her.

"I don't believe I wish to," Whiplash said. "After all, Hell and I are good friends."

"You've been?" Mozenrath realized.

"Where else would I have gone?" Whiplash snickered. "I am no pagan, and certainly no saint. You may want someone with the lay of the land."

"We're going, very specifically, to Lust," Mozenrath told him. "How well do you know that ring?"

"Admittedly not well," Whiplash said. "Wrath was my hunting ground. However, I'm certain I can find my way around Lust…quite easily."

"I can hear the wheels turning," Blizzard pointed out. "You're thinking about the BDSM scene down there."

"You know me too well," Whiplash chuckled.

"If that's the only reason you're going – " Mozenrath began.

"Then we should be fools to turn down expert guidance," the Huntsman interrupted. "However, if Whiplash also accompanies us, then Blizzard must not."

"Yeah, I'm not really gung-ho about going to Hell," Blizzard said. "You know, like a normal person would be. I'll watch the kids."

"I'm not a child," Miratrix and Albel snarled as one.

"Well, that seems to be settled," Mozenrath said. "This is three more people than I'd wanted on this mission, admittedly, but who am I to argue with logic? We may come up against demons that would require a special touch, after all."

"We depart immediately," the Huntsman said. "The way down to Hell will likely be long and arduous. Prepare yourselves for anything."

Whatever the Huntsman and Mozenrath had expected, it wasn't to be crammed into the window seats of a train full of demons, all of them grinding, twerking, and chorusing "MOMMY DON'T KNOW DADDY'S GETTING HOT! AT THE BODY SHOP! DOING SOMETHING UNHOLY!"

Asmodeus himself was here, pelvic-thrusting like it was going out of style. He refused to bring his stature down in order to ride the train, which meant that the train car itself had to be bigger on the inside than it was on the outside in order to give him headroom. From there, the Huntsman and Mozenrath had remembered some of the demons that Aghoul had sent them pictures of from their train ride with Vexen. That was the Horsewoman War herself, slithering around and beckoning with razor-sharp nails for Famine to come flirt with her. Those were definitely Fizzarolli and Betelgeuse having a dance-off. Then none of Mozenrath's group actually remembered the names of the clock with legs and the notepad with a face, but they definitely remembered those objects, though most of the images they'd been sent had been of their more humanoid appearances. Right now they were preferring to get down as paper and a timepiece.

To Mozenrath's dismay, however, he was pretty sure there were now more demons that hadn't been there on the ride that Aghoul had related. Like the one with royal-blue skin and eyes that sparkled like yellow diamonds, hair styled in a jaunty peak. Or the lavender-skinned, voluptuous vampiress that was pressing up against him in a way that seemed like they should just take it to a private room already. There was one who looked almost like a normal man (if on the short side) in a suit and tennis shoes, doing a dance called "Flossing" while beckoning repeatedly at Nehema to try and get her to smile – Pollution decided to play with this one, running a filthy hand across his jacket to spray it with crude oil, only to be met with a bad come-on that involved the more normal-looking demon apparently having not washed his hands after dunking them in a toilet. That was the sexiest thing Pollution could imagine, and soon they were letting the new one (his name was Travis or something; Mozenrath didn't care) pin them against the wall. Then there was the preteen who had definitely been a bare-chested cisgender boy when he'd stepped on the train, but definitely wasn't anymore – her chest now bound in a black bikini top as she headbanged to throw her wild blue mane around. Her friends – a sweet-looking girl who was obviously a fallen angel, and a succubus with red pigtails – were acting as her backup dancers. Mozenrath couldn't help but think that they were all far too young to be here, and if Asmodeus had any sense of age restriction on not-safe-for-work content, then that would be three less annoying demons that Mozenrath had to put up with.

The Huntsman had largely tuned it out, going into a quasi-meditative state. Then he caught sight of a flash of golden hair. Jihl Nabaat had betrayed him, leaving the wallflower corner in order to join the mosh pit.

"NABAAT!" the Huntsman barked. "What do you think you're doing?"

Jihl responded by sticking out her tongue at him.

Loqi looked furtively from Jihl down to his own feet, then back and back again, and Jihl took the hint, seizing Loqi by the hand to pull him onto the floor. The two of them positioned themselves as though about to do a ballroom dance, but reworked it to the rhythm of the salacious song that Enmu was blasting.

The Huntsman sighed. "I suppose this is the WHAM ARMY way. At least three of us have some sense – "

Mozenrath tapped the Huntsman on the shoulder twice. Then pointed to where Whiplash was doing hip gyrations for War and Famine themselves.

"I should have expected as much," the Huntsman growled.

"You and I are just going to stay here in the sane-people corner," Mozenrath said. "Where we don't have to get sucked into this inanity or worry about Travis touching us with his fecal-matter hands."

"IT'S TREVOR!" yelled the demon in question.

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?" Mozenrath yelled back.

It seemed to take an eternity for the train to arrive at Ozzie's in the Lust ring. Long enough for Mozenrath to wonder if maybe this was the true nature of Hell all along, because it was certainly his idea of torment. At last, Enmu parked, and Mozenrath couldn't be off that train fast enough – with the Huntsman in very close pursuit.

The two of them barged into the garish club. Loqi and Jihl floated in on the stream of demons entering to carry on the party. Yet when Whiplash approached the doors, he was greeted by Ozzie planting himself between the mercenary and the door.

"Who said YOU could just waltz on in?" Ozzie scoffed. "This is couples or friends of mine only."

"I came here with the friend of this 'he is a ghoul' person that has been constantly referenced," Whiplash argued, not in the mood for this.

"Likely story!" Ozzie barked. "You're just trying to ride their coattails in through this door! But I'll tell you what. Due to a business arrangement had by the party you just mentioned, I have another single due to show up here. A bit of a troublemaker – always love to see him, but he's not one for rules. You match with him as his date and I let you both in without any questions. Sound fair?"

Whiplash thought it over. "What are his…preferences?"

"He goes a little bit every which way," Ozzie explained. "Boys, girls, others. But I'll warn you: if you go all the way, he doesn't bottom without a fight, and he always brings a knife to bed. Safewords are highly recommended with this one."

Whiplash snickered. "That sounds like my kind of man. I concede. Does he have a regular drink?"

"Cactus wine spiked with the tiniest bit of rattlesnake venom," Ozzie explained.

Whiplash pressed a panel on his armor to open it. Rhona had gifted him a "pocket" in which to store certain valuables. From this, he drew several bills. "Purchase one. Have it delivered to him upon his entry."

Ozzie plucked the bills with two fingers. "Done."

Whiplash sauntered into the club, finding where Mozenrath, the Huntsman, Loqi, and Jihl had gathered at a table. He pulled out the fifth chair, sitting down.

"Oh, so you WERE with Aghoul's crowd!" Ozzie flitted to loom over the table. "You could cancel our little contract, if you wanted."

"If anyone is to cancel the contract," Whiplash stated, "it is the third party."

"What just happened?" Jihl asked. "What've you done?"

"None of your concern," Whiplash replied.

"What happens now?" Loqi asked.

"We wait," the Huntsman said. "Our recruit should arrive in due time."

"Until then…" Mozenrath rolled his eyes. "We get to wait here while these demons get even randier. I definitely understand now why it's Hell."

The boy-turned-girl who was still far too young to be here and be this annoying had taken the stage, grabbing the microphone to launch into what sounded like the opening theme song to some anime or another. Travon-or-something had his sneakers up on the table, and the blue demon sat across from the lavender vampire, the two giggling like schoolchildren on their first date.

"You knowwww…" Ozzie was looming over the WHAM ARMY table yet again. "If any of you want some…private time with a significant other, we've got rooms set up for that exact purpose. The walls might be a little thin, but we consider that a feature, not a bug."

Jihl smirked at Loqi. "How would you feel about your first time taking me being in the back room of a demon's club in literal Hell?"
"I should think there's hardly anything more befitting us," Loqi replied.

They rose and left. Mozenrath and the Huntsman were left with Whiplash.

"What did Asmodeus mean earlier by your 'contract'?" Mozenrath asked.

"I should think it will become clear in due time," Whiplash responded.

The Huntsman gave a nod. "Our quarry approaches."

Mozenrath and Whiplash turned to face the entrance. Whiplash immediately knew he'd made the right choice. The man who'd just entered was an imp, albeit tall for the species, with a lanky frame whose puffed chest suggested hidden muscle. His skin was pointed, his face shaped like that of a snake – his eyes glowed radiantly against the dim club atmosphere. A spiked tail twitched behind his slender legs. He was garbed as a cowboy, with a wide-brimmed hat and a neck bandanna.

Fizzarolli brushed by him to hand him a glass, then point to the WHAM ARMY table. The imp smirked, showing off a row of perfectly pointed fangs. Then he made his way to where he'd been directed.

Whiplash rose, meeting the imp halfway. "You must be our client," he said slyly. "Did you enjoy the drink?"

The imp took a small sip. "Delicious. Bites, the way it should." His voice was deep, sultry. He grinned at Whiplash. "I take it you're my escort tonight."

"You take it correctly," Whiplash replied.

The imp looked him up and down, his grin widening. "You're as much metal as you are man. Sinner, or still alive?"

"A sinner who is alive," Whiplash clarified. "Though I am no stranger to this realm. I spent some time in the ring of Wrath."

The imp's eyes widened. "Y'know, I'm FROM Wrath. Shame we never crossed paths. I feel like you and I would've gotten along just fine. That is, if you don't mind a man who takes the reins of the hell-horse."

Whiplash responded by ejecting one of his weapons. "I'd rather you take the whip. I don't always have to be the one who wields it…though it would be an honor to challenge you for the position."

The imp let out a raucous laugh. "You like it ROUGH, don't you?"

"If it doesn't hurt," Whiplash replied, "it isn't worth the time."

"I like you," the imp reiterated. "Name's Striker. Yours?"

"Mark Scarlotti, but most refer to me as 'Whiplash.' I'm sure I don't need to explain why."

Striker reached out to grasp the whip, caressing it in his hands. "These just for playin' in the bedroom, or can they kill?"

"They've claimed the lives of dozens. I presume you, as a demon of Wrath, have a similar résumé?"
"Mostly other imps," Striker replied. "But that's not what they pay me the big bucks for. Plenty of people out there who still think the sudden deaths of three Ars Goetia were lucky accidents."

"Ars Goetia," Whiplash repeated. "The elite nobles, if I recall. You aren't looking to destroy our gracious host Asmodeus, are you?"

"No one's cut me a check for his head," said Striker. "So no. Ain't gonna waste the time. He's a kindred spirit, too, so it's better no one ever gave me the job." He cocked his head to look at Mozenrath and the Huntsman. "You gonna introduce me to your pals?"

Whiplash extended an arm. "Gladly."

Striker looped his arm through the cold metal, grinning as he felt that Whiplash's arm really was technology all the way through, with not a scrap of flesh before the torso. The two walked over to the table, where Mozenrath and the Huntsman both gaped.

"You…know our quarry?" the Huntsman sputtered.

"No," Whiplash replied as he and Striker sat across from them. "We've only just met."

"We come all the way down here to give our recruitment pitch to this assassin," Mozenrath growled, "and you're telling me you were somehow DATING HIM BEFORE YOU EVEN MET?"

Striker tipped his hat. "I'd think that saves us the time on introductions. I trust you heard my name."

"…That we did." The Huntsman shook his head, trying to get a semblance of the order of events here. "I am referred to as the Huntsman. We have something in common: that we are both killers by trade."

"And I am Mozenrath," Mozenrath declared. "Soon to be lord of…well, more territory than you can imagine. Which brings me to the pitch. How would you like to put up an investment toward an aboveground operation where your business would have its own legal headquarters, and even if no one ever contracted you, you'd never want for any luxury?"

"I'd say it sounds too good to be true," Striker replied – though the grin never left his face. "Y'all must want somethin' outta me. Don't be shy about it, now. A tough job is an incentive for me, not a dissuasion."

"Before we can get close to this operation," Mozenrath said, "we have to win a tournament. Part of the plan is contingent upon us taking home the grand prize of said tournament. The only way to win a round is with absolute, certain termination of the opponent. So we thought: who better to win a game of death than a professional assassin straight from Hell?"

"The job takes place in the living realm," the Huntsman stated. "A planet called Sakaar."

"I know it," Striker said with a nod. "Or know of it. Giant cosmic landfill."

"Get us that prize," Mozenrath told him, "and you'll be paid handsomely."

"Afterward," the Huntsman added, "you may choose whether or not you wish to join our enterprise. I do highly suggest it, however. We offer certain benefits I'm sure you won't want to turn down."

"Such as?" Striker asked.

"Weapons the likes of which you have never seen," the Huntsman replied. "Alliances with whom to coordinate assassinations. Access to anywhere and everywhere in the living world."

"I'd have to see it to believe it," Striker stated. "Which isn't a 'no.'"

"I have already cast my lot with the WHAM ARMY," Whiplash said. "If that should influence your decision."

"It'd get me to stick around at least a little while," Striker admitted. "See if you're good on your word. All right, I'll join your little operation – if you can provide a down payment."

"Done." Mozenrath lay down a stack of CDs and several thumb drives.

Striker raised a brow in disbelief.

"Revolutionary technology taken from a mogul on Whiplash's home world," Mozenrath explained. "Most of it's just for the resale value. Some weapon schematics I think you'll appreciate. A formula that will allow you to turn a mortal into an undead without going through the hassle of killing them first. Take what you want; the rest will sell for millions, especially to any known enemies of Justin Hammer who happen to have deep pockets."

"And this Hammer?" Striker asked slyly.

"Unfortunately, already deceased," Mozenrath said. "But if anyone ever resurrects him, you're welcome to take a swing."

Striker scooped up the discs and drives. "I'll have a look at these on my own time. I'll say that covers about half the cost. Now, how about something I know is good as gold at first sight?"

The Huntsman lay down an array of gold jewelry, a rainbow of gemstones sparkling. "Salvage from a seaside city ravaged by a bitter goddess."

Striker's eyes widened at the sight of the Altissian loot. "Now that's more of what I was thinkin'. But depending on those schematics, this could actually be the lesser prize." He scooped up the treasure, pocketing it alongside the Hammer data. "You got an opponent lined up for me?"

"Do we have a guarantee you'll get a match? Yes," Mozenrath replied. "Do we know who? No. You'll have to be ready for anything."

Striker licked his lips. "My favorite kind of job."

"Great," Mozenrath said. "Now all we have to do is wait for our officer and our soldier to get back from the backrooms of lust and we can finally LEAVE."

It took thirty minutes for Jihl and Loqi to reappear, quite disheveled, with Jihl wearing one of Loqi's shoulder plates. "You begged to come along," Mozenrath groaned, "and all you did was leave and make us WAIT HERE FOR HALF AN HOUR?"

Jihl looked up toward the stage. "You had entertainment."

"Entertainment" was Betelgeuse and Fizzarolli singing the Banana Boat Song.

"Enough of this," the Huntsman said. "We depart at once."

He rose and stalked away, followed by Mozenrath, then Jihl and Loqi, and finally Whiplash and Striker – who'd gone arm-in-arm again.

...

The destruction across Radiant Garden hadn't gone unnoticed by the castle. At that very moment, a small army – the Keybearers (minus Ven), teams RWB-JNPR, the Storm Hawks (minus Stork), and Aang's "gaang" rushed toward the door.

"Aerrow!" Aqua barked. "Lead the air assault. Take your best formation. Aang, I'll need you in Avatar State. Everyone else from Four Nations, we need an evacuation. JNPR, you help them EXCEPT Ren. Ren, you go through the door and you FIND MADISON. We need the Mystic Rangers and their Megazord here as soon as possible pending a greater emergency on their end. Ruby, Blake, Weiss, Donald, Goofy, and anyone with a Keyblade is with me striking the final blows. We're bringing this monster down hard."

"But what if it's not a monster?" Aang asked.

"What would it be that isn't a Heartless?" Aqua barked as the door came nearer to the squad. "We're dealing with something on the level of an Opposite Armor, but ten times as strong. When it comes down to the wire, show no mercy – "

Then Pietro came blazing through the doors, pulling to an abrupt halt in front of everyone and requiring them to do the same. "YOU!" he yelled, pointing at the squad. "Weneedhelpfromthethingthat'sdestroyingthecity!"

"Wha…?" Sora tilted his head.

"It'sagirlwho'sapparentlysomekindofexperimentandNergalfromthepizzaplaceadoptedherbutthentheguywhoclonedhercamebacktotryandstealher!" Pietro babbled, fast as he could. "ShewasourfriendbutwecalledherthewrongnameandnowshelosthermindandweneedtogetherbackbeforethewholecitygetstorndownbyXIONbecauseshedoesn'tknowwhatshe'sdoing!"

No one had understood a word of it. Save Lea and Roxas. Who had heard the most operative word of all:

"XION?" They both regarded Pietro with wide eyes.

"YeahXion!" Pietro urged. "That'swhatIjustsaid! NowHELP!"

Aqua's blood ran cold. "Everyone, FORGET what I said!" she barked. "That's no enemy! It's a friend! Do NOT strike her down! We need a new plan of action…we need to…" She shook her head. "I don't know what we need to do!"

"The evacuation," Ruby said. "We still need to do it. And it sounds like she's…out of her mind, so we need to distract her while we get everyone away. But after that…"

"Donald! Goofy!" Sora turned to his sidekicks. "You guys go down to Jumba's lab. Find him and ask him what to do! He's the one who rebuilt her, so maybe he has an idea!"

Donald and Goofy saluted before turning away and tearing off into the castle basement at high speed.

"And now what?" Katara asked.

"We get out there and save the people," Sora said. "We block her from doing any more damage. And hopefully, by the time we have the block cleared out, Jumba will turn up with that idea."

"It's the best plan we have," Aqua said. "Ren, you're still going for the Mystic Rangers."

Ren nodded. "This calls for them."

"All right, everyone!" Aqua sliced her blade through the air. "Let's GO!"

Pietro was the first out of the castle, blazing back to hide alongside his friends. Not long after he did so, the Storm Hawks took to the air. Aerrow, Finn, and Junko began to circle Xion in erratic patterns.

"HEY, XION!" Finn yelled. "OVER HERE!"

"LOOK AT ME!" Aerrow called out.

"NO, LOOK AT ME!" Junko yelled.

Xion's helmeted face flicked from pilot to pilot, trying to figure out which one should be her first target. Lightning surged from her hands as the Mortiphasms aligned; every strike missed, as she couldn't seem to focus on just one of the boys.

Piper, in the meantime, had diverted from the group. A lot of the block had been set on fire by Xion, and Piper began to freeze it out with the power of her crystal staff. As she went high, Weiss went low, manipulating Dust to form walls of ice that doused the flames in the streets. Katara snapped up all the water she could find to contribute to the cause.

Nora broke down a door with Magnhild, reaching out to the terrified people hiding in the house. "Come ON! We'll get you out of here!"

Once she had the family out on the street, Jaune slotted in to guard the rear, and they headed toward safety. Meanwhile, Penny and Blake were doing the same thing a couple houses over.

"Follow me!" Penny urged. "We are trained Huntresses!"

She took the lead, and Blake the rear. Xion took notice, and in her frenzied state, she charged up a water attack to throw at the evacuees. Blake, noticing the gesture Xion was forming, quickly zigged and zagged, leaving shadow duplicates all along the street. Xion, as Blake had hoped, went for the fakes instead of anyone real. A dozen hollow Blakes were washed away in the flood, dissolving in the tide.

"Phew," Blake sighed as she picked up a small child that had fallen behind – and, when the child pointed it out, the family dog too. It seemed she'd finally made her peace with dogs.

Sokka, Suki, Toph, and Zuko assisted in the evacuation effort. Toph cleared out fallen debris by shaking the earth until the garbage dislodged to the gutters. Anything she couldn't clear, Zuko burned through. Sokka ran the length of the block, calling out, "ROYAL GUARD BUSINESS! EVERYBODY OUT! WE NEED EVERYBODY OUT!". Suki lent a hand to anyone who'd fallen behind.

Kairi jumped right into evacuation duty – the others could divert Xion's attention. She wanted to take care of the citizens first. A particular house's door was blocked by a pile of debris; Kairi felt a surge of pride as she used a Waterga spell to blast it all aside and clear the way. She barged into the door, spotting an old man on the floor, one leg pinned down by a fallen timber from the roof.

"Hang on!" Kairi cut through the wood, freeing him from the pinion.

"My leg…" the man groaned. "I can't…"

"Heal!" Kairi sent a heart-shaped rush of green light toward the man; it enveloped him, and he groaned in relief.

"Can you walk now, or do you still need help?" Kairi asked.

"I…don't know…" He was struggling to his feet.

Kairi was soon at his side, guiding his arm around her. "Hang on! I'll stay with you!"

It wasn't until she'd guided him outside, into the light, that she recognized him with a gasp. Peter Prokofiev's grandfather regarded her with a flummoxed expression.

"I'm sorry – " Kairi gasped.

"There's…no time for that," Grandfather Prokofiev panted. "Just…forget it all. Please help…"

She'd never intended not to. "Okay. Just follow my lead!"

Suki immediately jumped in to his other side in order to help swiften his escape. The next wave – the combatants – lined up, discussing formation.

"This can't be happening," Lea said as he watched Xion burn down Radiant Garden bit by bit. "Not to her…not again…I think they made her do this once, and it wasn't fair…"

He stepped out front of Sora, Riku, Aqua, Roxas, Mickey, Ruby, and Aang. "I can't just run in there swinging a weapon at her! You gotta let me try something else first. If I talk to her, maybe I can reach her in there!"

"That's INSANE!" Aqua yelled. "She's in no place to hear you! Her mind's been taken over!"

"I dunno," Mickey said. "The power of friendship has worked miracles. It just might work…but be careful. Because it might not."

"I'm going in," Lea decided. "If I screw up, THEN you come in, weapons blazing."

"Lea – " Roxas said with great concern.

"You stay here," Lea told him. "I'm…I'm done putting you in the middle of my fights with her."

Riku put a hand on Roxas' shoulder. "Trust him."

"BE CAREFUL," Ruby reiterated.

"You don't have to worry about me," Lea said. "I got this in the bag! Got it memorized?"

He saluted, then charged into the fray, pulling out into the midst of the square in front of Xion. He waved his arms, lighting them up with little flames in order to make a more visible diversion; "HEY, XION! XION, DOWN HERE!"

Xion noticed him right away.

"What's he doing?" Aerrow called out.

"I think he's trying to talk her down!" Junko said.

"That's never gonna work!" Finn cried.

"But what if it does?" Junko asked.

"Fall back," Aerrow said, "but stay at the ready!"

The three skimmers pulled up and away, leaving Xion and Lea to face each other down.

"Xion," Lea called up. "It's me! Lea! No…you knew me as Axel."

Xion halted her assault, watching him intently.

"We were friends, remember?" he said. "I think…I screwed up a few times. I think I didn't get what you were going through. I'm sorry about all of it…but I think you heard it back at that haunted-mansion galaxy. I should NEVER have tried to drag you back to the place where you were suffering most! I was just selfish, and I wanted…I didn't want to lose anyone else. But look at what you're doing! This isn't you! This is your brain hopped-up on some magic! You're not a monster, Xion! You're a friend – and we need you to be yourself more than anything!"

For a moment, it seemed his words had gotten through. Because deep in Xion's heart, she had heard them. They were fighting the instincts that Radiant Garden itself was pumping into her.

She knew this man. He was a friend.

The beating of the world's heart drowned him out, telling her that didn't matter.

The Mortiphasms rotated. Ice blue.

"No – " Lea's eyes widened.

A massive spike of ice flew through the air, right toward him. He raised his Keyblade, trying to hastily summon up enough fire to melt it or at least dull it, but it seemed he'd be too late.

Until he was grabbed from behind, his savior leaping him up to a nearby rooftop.

"ALL IN!" Aqua screamed. She, Sora, Riku, Roxas, Mickey, Ruby, and Aang charged into the fight. Aang went into the Avatar State, bending Xion's next elemental attacks. Aqua and Mickey went in on a barrier to surround Xion and keep her attacks from spreading outside a specific vicinity; Aerrow, Finn, and Junko made sure to get inside that barrier and keep confusing her. Sora, Riku, Roxas, and Ruby went on the offensive with pure defense: circling Xion, going high and low as needed, tempting her to attack them only to dodge or parry at the last moment.

As Lea watched this and caught his breath, it occurred to him that there was no one left to have saved him. Until he turned to look at the other who'd grabbed him, who'd pulled him away from certain death –

"WHAT THE - ?" His breath caught in his throat.

"I can't believe you," Isa scoffed. "I leave you alone for a moment and you almost get yourself killed. You haven't changed a bit."

Lea put up his blade. "You make one move against her – "

"I'm not here to fight her," Isa said. "Or you. I'm…well, I'm here to sign my death warrant, really."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You want her back?" Isa looked up to Xion. "I was sent here to retrieve her. To put her in a state of submission and turn her in to the Xehanort council. That, as it turns out, isn't what I want to do at all. I've come here with a simple purpose: to save Xion from herself and return her to the people who can properly care for her. You and Roxas. Then I will accept maximum punishment and silently fade away."

"What caused the 180 all of a sudden?" Lea asked. "And I'm not letting you 'silently fade away,' even if you were still my enemy! Just because I don't want you to win doesn't mean I want you dead and gone!"

"You still hoped I would return to you, didn't you?" Isa realized.

"…Yeah, maybe," Lea muttered. "I mean, I thought it was pretty much impossible, but – "

"You're right," Isa said. "I can't return to you. Which is why I'm giving you this last gift. And to answer your question, my interests have diverted from Xehanort's for a while now. It took the destruction of an entire worldline for me to realize exactly what I had condoned. Though I was still going to play along in order to save my own skin…until I had a most surprising encounter that reframed my perspective. And I'll tell you this much: I refuse to accept the reality that Vexen has become a better friend to his own than I to mine."

"Wait, VEXEN'S sniffing around here?" Lea said incredulously.

"He came for her too," Isa said. "She showed him why that wasn't his best idea. He's as horrible as ever…which means that if he managed to let his guard down enough for Demyx while I spit on our own past, I've definitely hit a new low."

"For WHO NOW?"

"It doesn't matter." Isa shook his head. "Tell me what I can do. I'm used to…berserking. To attacking with blunt force trauma. But I can't…harm her. She has to be safe with you."

Lea could hardly believe what he was hearing. What if this was just another trick? A multi-step plan to get Isa to trust him again? He had every reason not to believe it.

And one very good reason to do so anyway. That reason being that he knew his and Isa's hearts were still connected after all this time.

"Yeah, but you have magic too, right?" Lea reminded him. "I know you do. We got our powers at the same time, from the same place."

"I would need the moon," Isa said.

Lea walked over to elbow him. "Looks like you're in luck, then."

A daytime moon, visible in the soft pre-twilight blue. A phenomenon that only happened every so often. Maybe it was here because the moon, yet again, was responding to the actions of the heroes blessed by the ocean tides. Or maybe it was just a fluke of the weather.

"And you've got one more advantage in your corner," Lea said. "I'm a Keybearer now, remember? Stick with me and our collab will just…fall into place."

"Then lead the way."

The evacuation had ended, giving them the window they needed. Lea jumped down into the fray, and when he landed, he flared up, and the entire block heated, the flagstones glowing red. With a cry of "BURN, BABY!", he summoned a wall of flames to close the battlefield off completely.

Isa landed in the center of the flames, then put out his arms, letting the moon's gravity reach him through the atmosphere and lift him up. "I call on the moon's pale light!"

Xion unleashed a Water attack, attempting to flood the battlefield and drown her assailants. Isa shone blindingly bright, and as though he himself were the moon, he directed the tides – calling them toward himself, then redirecting them toward the flames, changing them to fine mist so that they evaporated on contact with Lea's flames. The steam further sequestered the battlefield.

"Is that…" Roxas' eyes widened.

"Maybe he figured out what I did," Riku told Roxas, though he was pretty stunned himself. "Let's at least…see what he does."

"Wait a minute," Aqua realized. "We can't hurt Xion, but…"

She leapt up onto the rooftop that Lea and Isa had just left. "EVERYONE! HIT THE GEMS ON THE DISCS!"

Sora saluted; "Can do!" He, Riku, and Mickey valuted into the air, jamming their Keyblades at equidistant points on one Mortiphasm. They summoned a sigil of light to overlay the entire disc, shimmering crystals forming out of pure magical energy before it erupted. The Mortiphasm cracked and broke away, nothing more than useless shards.

Weiss created an amplifier sigil, and Ruby and Blake fired mercilessly through it, their ammo becoming ten times as powerful in order to crack the gems of the second Mortiphasm. Then Roxas joined them, firing two Keyblades' worth of spells into the mix. This attack enveloped half the disc; Toph and Zuko repurposed some of the torn-up street into flaming meteors to take care of the other. Jaune and Kairi teamed up for their Light attack, white wings propelling them into another Mortiphasm, and Nora and Penny lent their bombs and swords to the cause. Aang and Aqua pooled their elemental mastery to hone in on the last Mortiphasm, with assisting crossbow fire from Finn, bombs from Junko, and a Lightning Claw super-move from Aerrow.

The discs broke, one by one, leaving Xion unarmed. When she realized this, she let out a cry of rage, summoning up beams of light to shoot down from the sky and hone in on her attackers. Isa zoomed from beam to beam, neutralizing them with moonlight of his own; then Lea was beside him, sending up fire to do the same job, and Isa realized he might just have burned himself right out if he'd continued to do so alone. (Which he wasn't against, but not before this last loose end was tied up.)

Xion, realizing she was being stymied, upped the ante. Instead of one beam at a time, a dozen. Where they struck, Weiss, Mickey, and Sokka barely missed being sizzled alive.

"You got any other ideas?" Lea asked Isa as they rocketed around the field together. Perfectly in pace. Perfectly in sync.

"I…I don't – " Isa's voice cracked.

Then a much larger armor seized Xion from behind, putting her in a headlock.

"REN!" Nora shrieked joyfully.

"MYSTIC RANGERS!" Sora threw his fist into the air.

Ren landed on the battlefield, rushing toward Sora and Nora. "Sorry I'm late," he said. "We had a little Chromite incident to clean up before we could get here."

"You brought your girl," Nora whooped, "and that's what matters!"

The other warriors all stood down; it was time to let the Megazord wrestle with Xion. She struggled, shooting the Megazord from all angles; within, Nick, Madison, Vida, Chip, and Xander refused to back down, directing the limbs of their super-armor to better pin Xion in place.

A high-pitched voice called out, "LEA! ROXAS!". The named Keybearers turned to look up – the rooftop, yet again – and so did Isa. It was Lilo who'd called; she stood beside Jumba, Pleakley, Donald, and Goofy. Goofy tried extra hard to draw attention by hopping up and down and waving excitedly.

Roxas and Lea leapt up to the roof, using Flowmotion to make the high jump. Before they knew it, Isa was beside them, having harnessed the power of the moon to clear the height.

"We got the big idea!" Donald said. "We – waaaiiiit a minute, I REMEMBER YOU!"

"You're one of Organization XIII!" Goofy accused. "And not one of the nice ones!"

"Don't make me rescind my help," Isa snorted.

"He's…he's with us, I guess," Lea said. "Just go with it, okay?"

Roxas backed away from Isa, putting up an arm defensively.

"I deserve that," Isa told him.

"Is safe to speak when apparently enemy is around?" Jumba asked. "Actually, evil genius is not caring, because am VERY evil and still part of operation to save Experiment i."

"I'm not sure how that logic works, but okay," Pleakley huffed.

"I asked Jumba if he had another way to sing Xion back to normal!" Lilo informed the group. "You know, like we did with Leroy and Aloha Oe!"

"Is making more sense in context," Jumba explained. "You see, 'Leroy' was Experiment 629, if blubbery fish captain is to be trusted to remember better than I. Hämsterviel, who is now associated with WHAM ARMY, cloned Leroy and turned him into mass superweapon. However, I was two steps ahead of Hämsterviel! I engineered shutdown sequence so that folk music would completely disarm all Leroyish features."

"And I said it was too bad that Jumba never thought to do something like that for Xion in case she went rogue," Pleakley said.

"Indeed, it was too bad." Jumba nodded. "Until I remembered that I DID do exact such thing! All this fighting and bashing is unnecessary. We need only sing song from Experiment i's memories!"

He produced a card – similar to one that might have been seen in Castle Oblivion, but not the same. This one was perfectly square, with an iridescent backing. "Found song in i's deepest, darkest memories. Is of great meaning to her…perhaps because voice of singer sounds suspiciously like friend." He looked pointedly to Roxas. "Programmed song to override any and all combat functions of Experiment i, but only if sung perfectly on tune. You can sing?"

"I…I think," Roxas said. "Maybe I should go get Weiss – "

"Roxas," Lea argued. "I've heard you sing. When we were out on missions together and you didn't know what music was, remember? You're GOOD. And if you sound like the guy in the song, then maybe your voice is the one we need to break the spell."

Jumba held out the card. "Either take memory or pass to white-hair ice singer," Jumba ordered him. "Is your choice."

Roxas reached out, tentatively plucking the card between his fingers, and as he touched it, he saw the old memory through Xion's eyes.

(It was when she'd run, trying to escape the Organization, but she hadn't thought it safe to tell Axel or Roxas. They were looking for her, and she was simply resolved not to let them find her. She expanded her scope of worlds in order to find someplace out of the way. There was a city, one where American and Japanese culture mingled and revolutionary technological advancements seemed to be released on the regular. Rumors on the street were that five colorful costumed heroes and the squishy robot that served as their six were the protectors of the realm. That wasn't relevant to Xion; she had intended to get as far away from the public eye as possible, and the crowds here in this city were optimal for hiding.

She bumped into a reedy blond man, who started apologizing profusely. She felt him pickpocket her, and then he pulled out her munny bag with a "YES!" before quickly hiding it behind his back and saying "You didn't see that." Xion just shook her head – she could always scrape up more munny. Maybe this man needed it. Either way, given what she was facing, munny was small potatoes. The man took her gift and rushed across the street to brag to a much larger, tougher-looking man in a red bandanna, who congratulated him on the haul but informed him that next time, he needed to not let the target see what he was doing.

They seemed to be best friends, or close in some way. Xion hurt, just watching them laugh together. She wanted her own friends. She wanted someone, anyone. But to get another person attached to her would have been too cruel. So she forced herself ahead, leaving the criminals behind.

She took twists and turns at seemingly random, seeking a place to lay down for the night. On her quest, she passed an electronics store. A haunting melody made its way to her through the display windowpane. Intrigued, Xion stepped inside, moving toward the MP3 players and speakers.

There was a ballad playing, obviously recorded by a young male pop-heartthrob type. His voice reminded Xion of Roxas. It could've been a dead ringer. It sang of feeling hopeless, but finding the strength to carry on regardless.

She broke down in tears in the middle of the store. She wanted to be able to fix everything just by vowing to try. But that wasn't her fate. She was still stuck in the first verse.

She left in a bittersweet flurry. Sobbing hard because of how much she knew she could never give the hope that the Roxas-like singer encouraged. Holding onto a tiny scrap of happiness, deep down, as she pretended it was Roxas telling her that better days would come.)

"Xion…" Roxas said once the memory ended.

"You know song now?" Jumba asked. "You can sing it?"

"Yeah," Roxas affirmed. "Heh…it really does sound like me. Or Ven. Maybe we've got a third doppelgänger out there."

"Then go," Jumba urged, making shooing gestures. "Experiment i is waiting!"

"We'll stay here and keep an eye on this fella." Goofy gestured to Isa. "Make sure he's not pullin' some kinda trick!"

"If that's what it takes to convince you," Isa sighed, "then I agree to it. Go, Roxas. Save her. Let's all end this in peace."

Roxas leapt off the roof, hurtling toward the site of the struggle between the Megazord and Xion. In the meantime, Isa felt a tug on his hem – looking down to see Lilo.

"How'd you get that scar?" she asked. "Were you ever in a knife fight?"

"Lilo!" Pleakley scolded. "That's very rude! Also, don't taunt the villain!"

Isa just gave a laugh, tracing over the scar with his fingertips. "This…is very old. It was a fight, yes, but no knives were involved. This was pure Darkness. It has haunted me since I was fifteen."

"Like a ghost?" Lilo asked.

Isa smiled softly. "Yes. Like a ghost."

Lilo thought it over. "Cool."

Out on the battlefield, things were starting to get desperate. The Megazord was obviously winning, but none of that would matter if Xion stayed a monster.

"What if she…you know…doesn't come back to us?" Sokka asked.

"Sokka, don't!" Katara scolded.

"It's just…if we can't save her…" Zuko swallowed hard. "What if we have to – "
"NO!" Aang yelled. "No matter what happens, we CAN'T do that!"

"So what?" Toph sighed. "Are we just gonna let her fly around the city until it's all ruins?"

Zuko shook his head. "No. Aang said."

"You were JUST asking about it!" Sokka argued.

"Aang SAID," Zuko growled.

Up in the cockpit of the Megazord, the Rangers were starting to come to the same conundrum. "Okay, we're winning the fight," Vida pointed out. "Now what?"

"Uh…this could be a problem," Chip admitted.

"I hate to say it," Nick said, "but it might come to the worst."

"Not while there's still a chance!" Madison argued.

"And really, all we've tried is fighting," Xander pointed out. "Maybe if we just sat her down for a chat about her anger issues – "

"PLAN XANDER WON'T WORK HERE!" Nick yelled.

"DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER?" Vida yelled back.

"PLEASE NO YELLING!" Chip moaned. "THIS IS STRESSFUL ENOUGH ALREADY!"

"Do you guys hear…singing?" Madison said suddenly.

That got everyone to shut up momentarily. True to Madison's word, there was a song in the air:

"I am not a child now. I can take care of myself. I mustn't let them down now. Mustn't let them see me cry…I'm fine…I'm fine."

"Who is that?" Chip wondered aloud. "He's really good."

"Wait," Vida realized as she surveyed the field. "That's ROXAS."

Roxas had known, for a while, that he had his own heart. But if he had any doubts, they were quelled by how fast it was racing within him, fearing any one wrong note when his friend was on the line. "I'm too tired to listen," he sang. "I'm too old to believe all these childish stories. There is no such thing as faith…and trust…and pixie dust."

Xion froze in the Megazord's grip.

"I try, but it's so hard to believe! I try, but I can't see what you see! I try, I try, I try…"

Xion's limbs went limp, relaxed. She wasn't fighting anymore.

"My whole world is changing!" Roxas put out his hand toward Xion. "I don't know where to turn! I can't leave you waiting, but I can't stay and watch this city burn – watch it burn! I try, but it's so hard to believe! I try, but I can't see what you see! I try…I try…"

Xion's massive armor began to peel away, dissolving into sparkles of pure golden light.

"I try and try to understand the distance in between!"

Then the armor simply evaporated away, leaving Xion – her true form, that of the raven-haired girl – floating in midair.

"The love I feel and the things I fear, and every single dream!"

Her feet touched ground. She raced toward him without even thinking. As she closed the distance, she joined in on the final verse: "I can finally see it! Now I have to believe all those precious stories! All the world is made of faith – and trust – and pixie dust!"

She pulled up short of Roxas, and the two finished out the song together: "So I'll try, because I finally believe! I'll try, 'cause I can see what you see! I'll try, I'll try, I'll try…to fly!"

The moment they concluded, they practically tackled each other in a tight embrace.

"Xion," Roxas breathed. "It's you."

"You remember me?" Xion asked.

"Not everything yet," Roxas told her. "But I know we were friends. I know I had to save you. Do you…remember me?"

"Everything," Xion whispered. "I got it all back. I just needed the song. I always thought it sounded like you."

They let go of one another, only to both be swept up into Lea's arms; "Hey, don't forget about me, now! After all of my telling you to get it memorized!"

He lowered his mouth to Xion's ear; "Xion. I'm so sorry. For everything – "

"I'm sorry too," she whispered back. "I should've been honest, and I shouldn't have run away, and I…"

"Hey," Roxas said. "It's okay. We're all here now. And nothing can take us apart again."

They were interrupted when Sora chimed in with "And we'll fight anyone who tries!" while swinging his fist.

Xion wriggled away from Roxas and Lea's grasp, giving the next hug to Sora. "Sora! Thank you so much! It was you…you were the one who let me exist."

"Heh…seems like I do that for a lot of people," Sora replied, returning the embrace. "I don't mind. I just hope you had fun on my adventures."

"I did," Xion told him. "So much. Wait, is Riku – "

"I'm here." Riku smiled, putting up his hand.

Of course, he was the next to get hugged – and this time, Xion burst into tears outright. "Riku. I don't even know how to start thanking you. You did EVERYTHING for me. You helped me see it, you helped me sort it out…"

"I…didn't do as great as I could've," Riku admitted, putting a hand atop Xion's head. "I still…was ready to throw you away to get Sora back. But I don't know – "

"What else you could've done?" Xion replied. He could hear the sly smile in her voice. "Of course. You love him. It was worth it. I couldn't have let you two stay apart. What happened to me was a small price to pay."

"But you know now that your existence is nothing small, right?" Riku urged.

"I know now," Xion promised.

She stepped away and turned to see Kairi putting up a hand. "Hi! I'm Kairi. I think you might have my face." She winked.

"You're her…" Xion gaped. "I have more than just that, from you. I owe you so much too. I had all of Sora's best memories of you, and even when they…when they changed…from thinking of you one way to thinking of you another…he thinks so much of you."

"What, do I not say that out loud?" Sora laughed.

"And it's because you're amazing," Xion said. "I always regretted that I never met you while I was outside of Sora."

"Well, I'm here now!" Kairi promised. "And after all that flattery, I definitely want to hang out with you some more!"

"And…Naminé is…at the castle?" Xion asked.

"Yeah," Riku replied. "Waiting for you, even if she doesn't know it."

Xion took a step back, looking at the group at large. "I can't believe it. I never thought I'd…meet all of you like this. In my own body."

"Is interesting," Jumba said as he approached. "Was not supposed to happen, by any stretch. Experiment i was only based on memories completely separate from spiky-hair boy. Yet you are acting as if you have come right from spiky-hair boy's heart, which we definitely did not do because of risk of evil spiky-hair boy."

Xion shrugged. "I can't explain it. It's just…I'm here." Her brow furrowed. "And I remember HIM, too. Leave him where he is. He can't hurt anyone there." She nodded at Jumba. "I guess…you were just that much of a genius. When you opened the door for my memories to come back to this body…all of me was able to step through."

"I AM quite the genius," Jumba agreed.

"We're going to have SO much fun together!" Penny cheered. "Here is a fun fact: I'm a girl who was made in a lab, just like you!"

"You know…" Pleakley shuffled a foot. "This…kinda makes it like you're family, since Jumba, well, made you…and I'm his partner, so…"

"So you're my cousin, Cousin!" Lilo insisted.

"Important question before we start anything," Toph broke in. "Are you okay with scamming? Be honest."

"Here's an ACTUAL important question," Aqua interrupted. "Can you still wield the Keyblade? Because Yen Sid would love to have you come to class…and I think all of us would."

"Even if ya can't wield it!" Goofy assured.

"I mean, I can't," said Ruby. "Also, if you try and pull 'I'm not a real girl' on me, I'll have to get snippy with you, because you ARE. You have a heart and a soul. We proved that."

The Mystic Rangers had disassembled the Megazord, hustling over to the scene. "That was SO AWESOME!" Chip crowed. "You were so cool! You were like – whoosh! And then you destroyed half the city, even though you didn't mean it! And then you turned into a girl again with all those sparkles – "

"I DESTROYED THE CITY?" Xion screamed, just now realizing the extent of the damage she'd caused. "Oh, no, oh no no no, I didn't mean to – "

"We know," Sora told her. "Everyone screws up sometimes. Or gets overtaken by our darker half."

"But now everyone will blame you," Xion said. "For being my friend."

"My reputation really can't get much worse around here anyway," Kairi said casually.

"Princess." Grandfather Prokofiev had staggered around to the edge of the group. "Regarding that matter. It is a truth I had not wanted to admit – I had wanted to believe in some world where Petya had survived, if only one person had made one choice. Yet after this…the evacuation, stopping to help me despite all I have said, giving the girl a second chance…I now know you would have done everything in your power to save him. I do not know if the rest of the city is ready to forgive you…but I wish to apologize for what was said."

Kairi tried desperately to hide the fact that she was tearing up. "Thank you," she said. "But I wasn't there when Peter died. There's no excuse for – "

"Obviously there was," Grandfather Prokofiev argued. "You were here today. You would not have been only if it was important, no?"

"I – " Kairi sputtered. "I don't know if I can accept your – "

"It's about damn time SOMEONE apologized to her around here!" Jaune broke in. "Kairi, if you're not gonna accept the apology, I'll accept it FOR you. I'm sick of people kicking you around for no reason!"

Grandfather Prokofiev bowed his head. "You are a good man. Princess…don't let him get away."

"I won't," Kairi said with a grin.

"I mean, I don't really wanna go anywhere," Jaune laughed.

By now, Nergal, Sis, Junior, Lance, Pietro, Todd, Fred, Wanda, and Kokichi had come out of hiding. "Awww, you're a girl again?" Kokichi pouted. "That sucks. I want you to be the big monster and keep wrecking shit."

"Lies again?" Xion laughed.

"You still remember us, right?" Todd asked.

"Of course!" Xion affirmed. "Nothing got erased. Just…new things came up."

"I suppose that now that you've found your real family," Nergal said, quite misty-eyed, "this means the end of our particular unit. Which is, of course, nothing to be sad about. All parents want their children to leave the nest someday. …Except for me. I actually want to keep everyone I love within five feet of me at all times. But this isn't about me."

"I…I do still think we're family," Xion said. She looked toward the Brotherhood; "You're my friends."

"Dangit," Ruby hissed under her breath. "I have to share her with Pietro."

"Yeah, not happy about sharing her with YOU, Red," Pietro spat.

"But I…guess I should go to the castle now," said Xion. "Since I'm…interested in fighting for good and protecting the worlds. And I still have my Keyblade. And that's where heroes belong – "

"Not all of them!" Ruby broke in. "Yang lives with a crime syndicate in Twilight Town, remember? But she's still one of us! You can live wherever you want!"

"And we mostly hang in Briarwood now," Vida added. "But we still like to come visit."

"Some of us have really good reasons to," Madison said with a lovestruck look at Ren.

"Some of us have reasons to go to Briarwood and save you the trip," Ren replied.

"But…" Xion looked to Roxas and Lea.

"It's up to you," Roxas said.

"No, really," Lea insisted. "I was wrong to say I'd always drag you back. It's time I trust you to make your own choices and decide what's best for you. Guess the whole 'family' thing got to me, too. Dunno if you're a sister, a daughter, a cousin, or what, but I sure felt like I had to shelter you. Still do, and that's not really a good thing. So I'm asking you: what's best for you, Xion?"

"…I think I want to stay at Pandaemonium," Xion said. "At least for now." She turned to Nergal. "But if I ever leave, I'll come back to visit you. I promise."

"Then that's what you're gonna do," Lea affirmed. "And I won't even get in your way. But there's one thing you can choose to do that'll make me come after you to stop you. You know what that is?"

Xion nodded. "If I decide I don't need to exist again."

"I'm mostly cool letting you be you," Lea said, "but if you try and blink yourself out of existence again – no matter WHOSE boyfriend is in a coma – I'm stopping you. No question."

Xion smiled. "I think I want that."

Lea whipped around; "And I mean the same thing for you too!"

Isa had attempted to slink away; Lea caught him by the forearm and pulled him back. "First of all," he said, "I think you owe someone here a big apology."

"Lea," Isa sighed. "Let it go. Let ME go. It's over."

"No, it's not!" Lea stamped a foot. "You know what you gotta do, and I'm not gonna stop annoying you until you do it!"

Isa sighed. He walked out front of Lea.

Xion recoiled. Roxas stepped between the two.

Isa bowed his head. "I apologize. From what I understand, I acted out toward you with rudeness at best and outright murderous intent at worst. To be very clear…I was simply jealous. I thought you had stolen my friend away from me. Nothing could have been further from the case."

"If…" Xion swallowed. "If you would've been with us from the start…then I wouldn't have hated you."

"I know," Isa said. "Which is why you now never have to see me again. I am going to return to the World That Never Was, where I will be eliminated."

"Will you STOP THAT?" Lea yelled. "You come in here swinging to be the big damn hero, you try and save the one person who you seemed to hate most in the worlds if my sources are right, you start talking to me like it's old times, and after all that, you wanna go just destroy yourself? Do you think that's some melodramatic way of redeeming yourself or something? Because it's so much worse! It'd be the worst thing you did! You'd be making it all about you because you weren't willing to put in the work – "

"BELIEVE me, Lea, if I could, I WOULD!" Isa snarled, baring his fangs. "There is nowhere else I can go but back to Xehanort. Not under these circumstances. I'm endangering you all simply by being here."

"You could stay here!" Lea urged. "With us!" Then he looked to Roxas and Xion. "If that's – "

"I'll try," Roxas said. "It might work. It might not. But…you helped us out. You helped Xion."

Xion nodded. "All the problems between me and Roxas and Ax…Lea, they were because of the Organization. Maybe it was the same for you. If you try and hurt me again, I wouldn't forgive you. But…I want to see who you are when there's no Organization."

"You never will," Isa growled. "Now let me go before he comes looking for you."

"WHO comes looking for me?" Lea argued. Isa was trying to tug away from his grip, but Lea held firm. "What's going on, Isa? There's something you're not telling me!"

"I know what it is." Aqua marched right up toward the struggling Isa, tapping a finger to the center of his scar. "This isn't just a scar. It's a Recusant's Sigil, isn't it?"

Isa was silent.

Lea gasped. "How…how long?"

"Before Castle Oblivion," Isa replied. "I could never have joined you. Not without Xemnas hearing everything."

"No." Lea shook his head. "You got that scar in the lab in the Radiant Garden castle! I remember! They shoved you in with one of Vexen's weirdo experiments and – "

"The symbol was carved then," Isa replied. "It was only activated, transformed into a true Sigil, years later. I thought it was…the price to pay in order to find her."

Lea shook his head. "And you never told me because you couldn't admit to me that you were a walking spy camera."

"That about sums it up, yes." Isa nodded. "I was ashamed. You should know that everything you've said and done since I arrived…Master Xehanort has seen it all. He is likely watching now."

"Oh yeah?" Sora stepped up into Isa's face, shaking his fist. "Well, listen up, Xehanort! My friends and I are gonna stop you, got it? You're not gonna get to have your stupid Keyblade War! I bet you don't even HAVE friends! I bet no one's loved you before! …I'm talking to Xehanort. Not you, Isa. ANYWAY, we're gonna stop you, and we're gonna do it without killing you, too, so you can just be embarrassed that we kicked your thirteen sorry butts!"

Isa gaped at Sora for a moment. Then broke out laughing. As did Riku, then Kairi, then everyone else.

"You know," Nergal piped up, "Recusant's Sigils can actually be severed. I could turn that into a plain old X on your forehead, if you wanted."

Isa now gaped at Nergal as though he were watching the world end in reverse.

"All I'd need is…let's see…" Nergal ticked off the items on his fingers. "A sacrificial goat, a chainsaw, an ice pick, a surgical mask, sterile gloves, and a mop and bucket for all the blood."

"Is the blood…mine or the goat's?" Isa asked.

"Yes," Nergal replied.

"We're not doing that," Wanda broke in. "There has to be some other way we can break the connection. Using just magic. I almost wonder if…I could do it."

"I actually took on Recusant's Sigils as an independent study project under Ma…under my last Master," Aqua admitted. "That's how I knew what to look for. They have a different…aura than a regular X shape. I looked into some theories about how to break them. If Wanda and I worked together, we could probably figure it out…but not as fast as if we just brought you to Merlin and Yen Sid. They probably already know how to break it. Without involving goats."

"So let's all four of us meet up," Wanda said. "You, me, and the old wizards."

"You would…do that?" Isa said softly. "After all the grief I've caused?"

Sora shrugged. "You said you were sorry. None of our enemies have done that."

"I did that," Riku pointed out.

"That's why you're not our enemy," Sora told him. "I thought that part was obvious."

"And…it sounds like you need help, no matter if you're sorry or not," Ruby said.

Aang nodded. "Xehanort is like your Fire Lord. Do you even know who you are without him?"

"…No," Isa admitted.

"Figure out who the real Isa is," Zuko advised. "Then you'll know if you're good or bad, Light or Dark."

"And if I betray you?" Isa mumbled.

"Don't," Riku advised. "It's that easy."

"We'll know the difference between you selling us out and stuff like accidentally bringing an X into our space," Kairi clarified.

"But you're wrong about one thing," Isa realized. "I apologized to Xion. Not to…the rest of you." He nodded. "Sora. Riku. Donald. Goofy. Roxas. …Kairi. And Lea most of all. I…regret what I've done to you. I realize now that I wanted what you had…true friendship. A way to belong."

"Do you feel like you're giving up a part of yourself to do this?" Riku asked.

"No," Isa said. "If I can wash it all away, then…I would be finding a part of myself. Power doesn't agree with me. I would rather not be tempted by it again. The only thing I would truly give up…is someone who's already gone."

Riku nodded. "As long as this is who you are. Then…I'd be a hypocrite not to give you the chance I needed."

"You realize Xehanort can still hear everything you – " Isa groaned.

"Xehanort can go jump in a LAKE," Weiss scoffed.

"He can go pound sand!" Nick added.

"We're totally not using this as an excuse to yell at him!" Kokichi chuckled.

"I mean, I'm not even gonna pretend we're not," said Nora. "Isa, this is for him, not you." She stuck out her tongue, blowing a loud raspberry, while putting the loser's L on her forehead.

Isa found himself laughing again, despite himself. "Then…I accept your offer. And I cannot thank you enough. We should arrange to meet somewhere secluded – "

"Yeah, you're not going alone," Lea told him. "In case you freak out and get the idea that it's all gonna end in Xehanort anyway, so you just go crawling back to die. I'm coming with you this time. And you can't shoo me away. Besides, I have some choice words for the old man, so long as he can't talk back!"

"You know," Nergal said, "I really don't care if Xehanort sees the dumpster area out back of the pizzeria. Do with that information what you will. Oh, and for extra security, you may want to be IN the dumpster."

"Garbage diving!" Lea laughed. "Like the old days! Remember when we used to hunt for souvenirs we could give to – "

He stopped short. "No. Sorry. I shouldn't – "

Isa shook his head. "I need to stop holding onto my feelings of failure regarding what happened to her. She's…gone. You…are here. That's what I should've believed from the start."

"Isa," Xion urged. "I don't know what happened to your friend. But everyone thought I was gone."

"Did she…you know…" Jaune mumbled. "Die?"

"No one knows," Isa admitted.

"Then we won't give up until we know for sure," Xion said. "Me coming back was supposed to be impossible. But it happened."

"She was like your family, right?" said Kairi. "You gotta go all the way for your family. The way I'll do when I figure out where my dad is."

Isa couldn't find the words to reply. She'd forgotten. How could he explain to her that as much as Subject X was precious to him, the girl actually had been Kairi's family in the literal sense? No, they'd all been through too much today. She didn't need that burden.

"Isa?" Kairi leaned toward him. "Do you…know something? Did I know this person, back when I lived here?"

Thankfully, Isa was spared having to answer the question. Because Kazuichi, Moana, and Booster came hurtling into the square at top speed. Kazuichi clutched a GummiPhone that was clearly still on even though he wasn't speaking into it.

"GUYS," Kazuichi yelled. "WE HAVE AN INCIDENT. In other words, S.O.S., please, someone help me!"

"Ruby," Moana said. "Blake. Weiss. This is…for you specifically."

"And it's…weird," Booster added.

Ruby, Weiss, and Blake lined up immediately. "What's wrong?" Blake asked.

"Weeelllll…" Moana couldn't find the words for it. "There might be a place where…we're needed…but we wouldn't want to be needed?"

"Or at least…um…" Booster hesitated. "Someone you care about…a lot…decided that someone you don't like…really needs help…and…"

"YANG'S ON A ROAD TRIP WITH ROMAN TORCHWICK, AND THEY'RE BEING FORCED TO SAVE A WORLD TOGETHER!" Kazuichi yelled.

After a perplexed silence, Ruby, Weiss, and Blake all screamed, "WHAT?"

They could hear, faintly, Yang on the other end of the call: "And THAT'S why I called you, Kazuichi!"

...

Striker put up no objections when they requested that he leave his guns with the guards. In fact, he himself chose the rustiest scrap-metal pistols that the Grandmaster's arsenal had to offer. He wanted them all to know that he was going to win this even if he had every disadvantage.

He sauntered onto the field, listening as the crowd roared for him. He didn't think to look up at the banner that introduced him. He already knew what his name looked like in lights.

However, he was very confused at the arena that greeted him. They seemed to have forgotten his opponent. Instead, the gaudiest decorative plant Striker had ever seen was rooted in the midst of the arena. It consisted of a massive pod, somewhere between a Venus flytrap and a pitcher plant, and from there, leaves and vines splayed out beneath it. And Striker did consider it massive; it looked larger than the Huntsman.

Striker took up a position near it, standing in a relaxed manner with his weight on one hip. There he waited for his opponent to show up. A minute passed, and it didn't happen. So Striker turned his back to the plant, leaning against its pod in order to wait it out.

What an odd choice of a decoration anyway. Must've had something to do with how the Grandmaster wanted the fight to play out. Maybe Striker and his opponent were supposed to protect it from each other or something. Or the opponent derived sustenance from giant, stupid-looking plants.

In days to come, Striker would greatly regret how obvious the whole setup was. He would never, ever have a good excuse as to why, when the vines started curling around his legs, he didn't even notice. It was perhaps his least proud moment. Long would the day come before he would feel any humiliation as strong as when he glanced up at the banner to read

STRIKER

VS.

AUDREY II

And immediately was yanked off the arena floor, held upside-down by his ankles thanks to a network of prehensile vines.

The pod of the plant tilted downward, the parting of its leaves splitting and looking for all the world like a massive mouth. No, that definitely was a mouth, with a slimy pink tongue and dagger-sharp teeth.

"Well!" the plant, which must have been Audrey II, said in a voice that sounded far more debonair than Striker would've expected. "Not every day a fresh meal just walks up to me! I thought you were supposed to be some kind of spectacular hitman. But you just ignored every single sign!"

Striker had already had just about enough. He withdrew the junker pistol, pressing it to the skin of Audrey II's pod. "I don't think you know what you're dealin' with here."

If Audrey II had eyes, she would've widened them. "Better wait a minute!" she snapped. "Better hold the phone!"

Striker realized far too late that her words were in rhythm.

"Better mind your manners!" She jiggled Striker a little bit, trying to put fear in him. "Better change your tone!"

And there was a rhyme.

"Don't you threaten me, son!" Audrey II insisted. "You got a lot of gall! We're gonna do things my way…OR WE WON'T DO THINGS AT ALL!"

She whipped Striker upward, looping him round and round her head-pod like a lasso, then loosed him so that he soared lke a cannonball into the edge of the arena.

"You don't know what you're messin' with!" Audrey II plunged her vines into the dirt, surging them across the whole arena. "You got no idea! You don't know what you're lookin' at when you're lookin' here!"

Striker leapt to his feet, aiming the pistol.

"You don't know what you're up against!" Audrey II taunted. "No, no way, no how!"

Striker started to shoot. New shoots bearing new blooms shot up from the ground, each miniature plant intercepting the bullet so that none ever reached the core.

"You don't know what you're messin' with!" Audrey II continued. "But I'm gonna tell you now!"

Striker started to move, darting this way and that in order to find a better window for the shot. Audrey II responded by sprouting more shoots that blocked the blasts.

"GET THIS STRAIGHT!" Audrey II began to bop from side to side. "I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, and I'M BAD!"

A cyclone of vines plunged up out of the dirt, towering over Striker. Striker recoiled, thinking he just might be in trouble here.

"I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!" Audrey II slammed down the thick braid of vines. "AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN HAD!"

Striker disappeared into the vines. Then leapt out of them like a breaching whale, pivoting to aim the pistol.

"I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!" Audrey II used a vine to slap Striker off course. "So get off my back and get outta my face!" She then used another to slap him the opposite direction. "'Cause I'm MEAN AND GREEN! And I am BAD!"

Striker ducked, rolled, came up next to Audrey II's pod, aimed the pistol, and soon found himself in vine bondage.

"Wanna save your skin, boy?" Audrey II lowered him right down to her mouth. "You wanna save your hide? You wanna see tomorrow? You better step aside!"

She plunged him into the sticky mouth. When her vines retracted, Striker stretched out, holding her jaws apart.

"Better – take a tip – boy!" Audrey II sang as best she could around a mouthful of hitman. "Want some – good advice! You better take it easy – "

Striker launched himself up out of the mouth, flipping through the air.

"'CAUSE YOU'RE WALKIN' ON THIN ICE!" Audrey II grabbed him mid-flip, slamming him down onto the dirt over and over again. "You don't know what you're dealin' with! No, you never did! You don't know what you're looking at, but that's tough titty, kid!"

Striker wormed around to bite down on Audrey II's vines. That just urged the plant to try and flick him away, whipping the vines faster and faster. "The lion don't sleep tonight, and if you pull his tail, HE ROARS!"

Striker was finally flicked away, hitting the dirt hard. He was soon on his feet, growling to the hostile plant, "You know that ain't fair! I'll say that ain't nice!"

"You know what I say?" Audrey II laughed. "UP YOURS! Watch me now!"

Striker realized he was standing upon a carpet of vines. They all came alive at once, forcing Striker to dance a jig to evade them, hopping from place to place.

"I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, and I'm bad!" Audrey II sang, rocking out to her own beat. "I'm just a mean green mother, a real disgrace, and you've got me fightin' mad! I'm just a mean green mother from outer space – gonna trash your ass!"

She used a vine to spank Striker, which made him all the angrier.

"Gonna rock this place!" the plant continued. "'Cause I'm MEAN AND GREEN! And I am BAD!"

Striker threw aside the pistol and just tackled the pod, trying to wrestle Audrey II into submission. She tried to peel him away; he held on tight. As they played tug-of-war, Audrey II decided to boast some more: "Don't you talk to me about old King Kong! You think he's the worst? Well, you're thinkin' wrong! Don't talk to me about Frankenstein! He got a temper, HA! He ain't got mine!"

Striker barely had enough time to hiss "Frankenstein was the name of the DOCTOR – "

"You know I don't come from no black lagoon! I'm from past the stars and beyond the moon! You can keep the Thing, keep the It! Keep the Creature, they don't mean SHIT!"

Finally, she wrenched Striker away, hurling him to the dirt again. He grabbed for her vines, tying one in a knot to attempt to break it.

"I got one style: major moves!" Audrey II surrounded him with vines. "I got the stuff, and I think that proves! You better move it out; nature calls! You got the point?"

Striker managed to snap off a vine at long last, grinning victoriously.

Audrey II, made well and truly mad, screamed "I'M GONNA BUST YOUR BALLS!" and used a curled-up vine to deck Striker in the groin.

Striker retracted into the fetal position, trying to grit his teeth through the pain as Audrey II continued to sing: "I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, and I'm bad! I'm just a mean green mother, a real hard case! You can't beat this trouble, man!"

Striker managed to claw himself into a standing position ("I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!"), realizing that it was time to play his secret card ("So just beam hi mup! It's all over, ace!"). Really, if there was ever a time to bring it out, it was now. ("I'M MEAN AND GREEN!")

A chorus of blooms sprouted from the dirt, giving Audrey II backup harmony: "Mean green mother from outer space!"

"I'M MEAN AND GREEN!" Audrey II belted.

"Mean green mother from outer space!" the chorus sang.

Striker dragged himself to the edge of the field. He reached for the button of his pants.

"I'M MEAN AND GREEN!" Audrey II called out, summoning a plague of vines to choke out the arena.

"Mean green mother from outer space!" The chorus multiplied exponentially as more blooms opened up on those vines. "Mean green mother from outer space!"

"AND I!" Audrey II declared. "AM!"

Striker unzipped.

"BAAAAAD!" Audrey II raised her plethora of vines as the backup chorus sang ever higher, building to a climax, ready to make the killing blow –

Striker leapt to his feet and whipped off his pants in one fluid motion, revealing a sparkling white jockstrap – one that laced up with leather cord in the front, at that.

"WHAT THE - ?" Audrey II wasn't sure what to make of this move.

The audience went wild – the parts of Striker on display were some of his best assets, after all. He smirked, teasing them all further as the underwear came off as well.

At least ten people watching the tournament swooned.

The pants went back on and zipped up; Striker twirled the underwear on one finger. "That's the thing," he said slyly. "Nobody thinks to check for angel weapons tech."

Always he had relied on angelic technology to give him his biggest guns. This particular model had been easy to hide – it was of a particular esoteric branch of weaponry that could transform into and out of undergarments. (The most popular models for women were panties and stockings.) Striker flicked the jockstrap, and suddenly, it became a massive machine gun – sparkling white, with gilded trim – featuring a high-speed rotary barrel.

"THEY MAY OFFER YOU FORTUNE AND FAME!" Striker sang out as he clicked the gun into position. "LOVE AND MONEY AND INSTANT ACCLAIM!"

Audrey II gulped. "Uh-oh…"

"BUT WHATEVER THEY OFFER YOU – " Striker opened fire. "DON'T FEED THE PLANTS!"

The angel-engineered ammo cut right through the veritable jungle of vines, leaving plant carnage scattered on the arena floor.

"THEY MAY OFFER YOU LOTSA CHEAP THRILLS!" Striker started to circle the arena, shooting down any vines that rose in his way. "FANCY DISCOS IN BEVERLY HILLS! BUT WHATEVER THEY OFFER YOU, DON'T FEED THE PLANTS!"

Up in the box, the Grandmaster gaped. "I swear I didn't know he had a weapon of that caliber in his pants. Or a massive gun that he managed to smuggle in under my nose. I should disqualify him for this flagrant rule-bending, but…"

"GOODBYE!" Striker belted as he blasted away, the gunfire popping like fireworks. "THERE GOES AUDREY II! LOOK OUT, HERE I COME FOR YOU – HERE I COME FOR YOU – HERE I COME FOR YOU – HERE I COME FOR YOUUUUUU!"

"…But this is a hell of a show," the Grandmaster said, "and the audience seems to love it, so…"

"Hey, this is a cash cow right here," Swackhammer agreed. "Between his male-model appeal and his singing voice, we've just got the new ensemble darkhorse!"

"HOLD ONTO YOUR HAT AND HANG ONTO YOUR SOUL!" Striker charged Audrey II's pod. "SOMETHING'S COMIN' TO EAT THE WORLD WHOLE! IF WE FIGHT IT, WE STILL GOT A CHANCE – "

She tried desperately to grab him. She was too slow. Striker launched high into the air, aiming the gun at the pod. "BUT WHATEVER THEY OFFER YOU!"

"Awwww noooooo!" Audrey II groaned.

The revolving barrels clicked into place. "THOUGH THEY'RE SLOPPING THE TROUGH FOR YOU!"

"Mommy?" Audrey II whimpered.

"PLEASE, WHATEVER THEY OFFER YOU – " Striker opened fire directly into Audrey II's anxious mouth. "DON'T FEED THE PLAAAAANTS!"

Audrey II exploded into shrapnel and chlorophyll, green gore spattering the arena. Striker landed neatly in the center of the carnage, taking a bow and raising his gun high: "DON'T! FEED! THE! PLAAAAAANTS!"

Now the swoon count was up to a hundred. The crowd whistled, screamed, whooped, and asked Striker to father their children. Striker just tipped his hat and winked, leaving everyone to fight over which audience member he'd been trying to single out, then strutted off the field.

In fact, the one he was trying to single out was nowhere near the arena, watching instead from the Lost Lounge of the Sun. "Impressive," Whiplash purred. "I think I'll keep him. Though it would hardly stand to let him show me up without showing him what I can do…"

"And with that," the Grandmaster announced via enormous hologram, "we conclude the first seed! Winners are gonna be tallied, and then we move on to round two! It's basically a downhill slide from here! Who will win? Will it be champion Albel Nox? Or will it be any of the obvious cannon fodder I stacked up for him to cut down? I wonder who it will be! Nobody knows at this point! Anyway, stay tuned, because the next round of bread and circuses is about to come out of the oven! …And…off the…circus train, yeah."

In the lounge, Mozenrath pumped his fist. "You heard the man! We have our team now. The goal is now to advance through this tournament at all costs! I'm not leaving without the glory of the victory!"

"We're here for the Meta's armor," the Huntsman reminded him.

"Like you didn't know what I'm here for," Mozenrath scoffed.

The Huntsman couldn't argue with that. Instead, he stated, "Everyone, be on your guard. There is an arduous road ahead of us. And yet one that I'm certain will be incredibly gratifying when all is said and done."