I Don't Wanna Turn into a Girl!

Warning! This chapter may cause brain damage.

Dedicated to Crimson Skies - thank you for bouncing ideas around with me

Chapter two: And They Called it a Fanclub

Ino Yamanaka and Sakura Haruno were rivals only on the times that they remembered that they were. Otherwise you could call them best friends. Part of what led to this relationship was not only did they live only blocks away from each other, but their moms were best friends as well. It's hard not to be friends with the only person that you can play with when your mom brings you over so that she can visit with her best friend. Having said this, please don't be surprised to find out that the girls were actually hanging out together at Sakura's house and watching a marathon of an anime that Ino had found. Evidently it is a huge hit in the Mist Country. It isn't a surprising fact. It is a really cute anime series. Ino thought that the main character was too naïve and trusting, but then she would trade that girl living conditions in a heartbeat. The chance to live with three hot guys is something out of one of her dreams.

Though she didn't see how she could use any of the "values" that the show taught, she did get a great idea from it. Yes, she would start a Sasuke fanclub. She definitely wouldn't go to such extremes that the girls in the show did. Well… maybe a few. But the idea of a fanclub just in honor of Sasuke-kun was the best idea that she ever thought she had come up with, even if it is one stolen from someone else's idea.

After telling Sakura her idea, both girls got their heads together and thought out how they were going to get this club started. First they decided that some rules were in order. So they agree to a handful of rules and ideas of procedure. First in order to be in the fanclub, you have to fill out an application. Not that they would turn anyone down if they wanted to be in the club. No, they wanted to be able to introduce new members at the start of the member's first meeting and it would be nice to have an address if they ever decided to do anything such as hand out invitations to a picnic.

Next, they decided that they would make a rule about how to address Sasuke-kun. They decided it would be hard for them to invoke a "refer to him as Uchiha-san if you are such and such age" clause as some of the younger members might outrank them in the ninja food chain (even if it is unlikely, it could happen). So they decided that everyone must at the very least call him "Sasuke-kun." It's easier and most girls already do anyway.

Moving right along, the rules made go as the following:

1) Anyone can become a member of the Sasuke fanclub (who wouldn't want to?).

2) Everyone who is interested in becoming a fanclub member must fill out an application so they can participate in various activities.

3) All members of the Sasuke fanclub must report any time they see or interact with him and they must tell all of the details of the encounter.

4) All members of the Sasuke fanclub must agree that Sasuke is the #1 hottest guy to ever grace Kanohagakure in all of its history. Failure to comply with this statement will result in either suspension and trial, or rejection from the club.

Others were yet to come, but they thought that they had a pretty good handle on the important issues.

Soon they were seen handing out applications for their fanclub. The only one their age that didn't join was Hinata, but they figured that she was a little weird anyway… so her rejection of the fanclub was nothing to be concerned with. Other than that slight, things were looking up for their club.

Before their first club meeting, Sakura and Ino decided that they should number all of the members. That decision led to a huge argument about who was going to be the Sasuke fanclub member # 1. The argument was so bad that it postponed the actual starting date of the fanclub. After they got through mailing out letters of the change in club starting dates, Ino and Sakura decided that they would consult someone else to help with their problem. Since both of their moms, after hearing what the argument was about, wouldn't help them, they decided to ask the first person that they saw to help them. That person turned out to be Kiba's older sister. While finding out that stupidity isn't necessarily a genetic trait, they got their answer. It was simple really. After nicely listening to their problem, Kiba's sister said that they both could be member #1 and then explained how. Sakura would be member #1AS and Ino would be #1AI. That stood for #1alphaSakura and #1alphaIno. Kiba's sister explained that alphas were the top dogs in a pack. Since they both started the club and are going to co-lead the club together, they are both the top dogs of the club. Of course, (it goes without really saying it) there will be no other member #1 in their club.

Needless to say, the club started off without a hitch. As the two founders are becoming genin, the club reaches its third year anniversary. This year they all have decided to hold a potluck picnic. It was at this event that the club shared with each other some very disturbing news.

The Sasuke Fanclub has noticed a recent change in their obsession. All information gathered about the change was sadly confirmed by member #1AS via information given in her report. It was reported that Sasuke went from wearing a blue top and white knee length shorts to a black shirt and black knee length shorts. While the outfit looked stupid, it didn't mar Sasuke-kun's beauty. That wasn't the only change that occurred. Some of his speech patterns changed, as well as some of his mannerisms.

According to member #1AS, he tends to stare at nothing. Another change is that his face has become emotionless… well more than it was before. He used to show some emotions before, mostly boredom and irritation, but now… nothing…. Abso-freaking-lutely nothing. No scowls, no glares (except once in a while)… … …Okay the glares stayed. But they changed. They went from "you are annoying me glares" to "I will kill you" glares. That is creepy… in a really hot way. He may talk more, but the talking he does isn't any better than saying nothing at all.

His words now only and mostly contain "hn" (which isn't a big change as he said that before), "mission accepted" (said at the beginning of every mission), "I will kill you" (he has said that to Naruto exclusively - the girls in the fanclub hope that Sasuke will eventually accomplish that threat), "It is best to follow your emotions" (he only says that to Naruto when he had asked for advice and no one else; several members have tried to get him to say that to them only to be of no success), and "I will eliminate all obstacles" (which he has only said to his enemies or the occasional fanclub member that wouldn't leave him alone), and "mission accomplished" (said after each mission's completion).

The only people that Sasuke-kun will talk somewhat civilly to are Naruto (again with the Naruto exception) and his current sensei Kakashi. Those facts don't point to much hope for the United Official Sasuke Fanclub members. That or he's gay, which just isn't a possibility: no one that hot has any right to be gay! Needless to say, all members of the Sasuke fanclub hope that this is just a passing phase.

Umm… I'm sorry. I think I lost my place in this story. If you'll just hang on for a little bit (I personally don't know the allotted time given to a little bit, but…) I will try to find my reason for this chapter. Ah… Here we are! Once again I apologize for the wait. I hope it wasn't too dreadful for you. Please, let us start once again.

The Sasuke fanclub has for years tried to figure out if the object of their obsession has any preferences, such as long hair. Ino came up with the great idea that since it has been reported that Naruto and Sasuke have been forming a … … something… … a relationship of less than hateful intent, maybe a friendship, that Sakura, who just about everyone knows Naruto has a crush on, should ask Naruto to ask Sasuke who Sasuke's crush is. After Ino talked Sakura into asking Naruto this important question, Ino decided that she should go also just in case of Sakura's temper threatened to override the mission.

"So Sakura what is it you wanted to ask me," Naruto asked once the girls got the boy in a secluded spot. It wouldn't be good for their reputations to be seen willingly with the boy.

"Could you ask Sasuke something for us," Sakura asked blushing. Ino felt like strangling something. Sakura is too sappy when she talks about or to people she has a crush on.

"What?" Naruto asked warily. Does he suspect? Naw, Naruto isn't intelligent or anything like that.

"We want to know who Sasuke-kun has a crush on," Ino answered when she figured that she had only seen Hinata the shade of red that Sakura is currently sporting.

"Why don't you ask him yourself," Naruto said almost sneering at Ino.

"We know he wouldn't tell us, so we figured he'd tell you what girl he liked the best," Sakura said to try and keep the peace before the mission went to the wayside.

"We'll treat you to ramen," Sakura ejected out in desperation.

"Really?" Naruto asked.

"What girl he likes the best?" Naruto asked in confirmation.

"Yes, that's all," Ino said.

"Okay, I'll ask, but you're not getting your answer until I have my ramen," Naruto haggled.

"Deal," Ino said.

"So, Sasuke, … do you have a crush on any girl," Naruto asked after he and Sasuke were done training.

"No," was Sasuke's answer.

"Really?" Naruto asked in disbelief. Iruka had said that occasionally people don't find their first crush until they are older, but… wasn't Sasuke supposed to be more mature than him?

"Yep," Sasuke said. It was a good thing that Naruto had gotten used to these one-word answers. It did bug at one time, but now he is used to it … okay most the time it doesn't bug him.

"Oh. Do you just not like any girls?" Naruto asked now he truly is curious.

Sasuke shrugged his answer.

"Okay then, not that you have to have a crush on her or anything, but who is the girl you like or can stand the best," Naruto asked thoughtfully. Naruto was secretly glad that his curiosity is for once helping him out.

Sasuke, after quite a bit of contemplation, asked, "Why?"

"Well, I like Sakura-chan, you know that already. I was wondering if you were allergic to girls or if you just didn't like the ones that hang off of you," Naruto answered half truthfully.

Sasuke thought a while and then answered, "I don't like the ones that hang off of me. I suppose if I had to answer what girl that I like the best it would be Hinata for the simple fact that she has nothing ever to do with me."

"Oh. That makes sense," Naruto said. As he saw Sasuke leave, Naruto yelled, "See you tomorrow." To which Sasuke answered with a wave. After thinking for a while, Naruto met the girls at Ichiraku.

As soon as he was done with his dinner both of the girls assaulted Naruto with, "What did he say?"

"Pay the man first," Naruto said. He knew they wouldn't be happy with the news he had.

"Okay, now spill," Sakura said menacingly after the ramen was paid for. Naruto could almost swear that he saw a huge battle aura surround her.

"Hinata," Naruto said.

"What!" both girls screeched.

"He told me that the girl likes the best is Hinata," Naruto answered.

"Did he tell you why he likes her," Ino said with clear dislike of "her."

"Sasuke said that the fact that she has nothing ever to do with him is why he likes her the best," Naruto answered. The next course of action for the girls to take was clear to Naruto: leave the bastard alone.

"Is that all," Ino asked while Sakura was having a minor breakdown.

"Yep, and thanks for dinner ladies," Naruto said leaving. He decided that a clean get away is in high order.

Unfortunately, Ino and the rest of the Sasuke fanclub didn't even consider the same course of action that Naruto had thought of. Well, I guess it is fortunate for us because it makes this chapter that much longer. But for Hinata, it wasn't fortunate. As a great deal of you most likely have already guessed, they decided to follow Hinata around. Yes, they figured that the only way that they could possibly find out what it is that attracted their precious Sasuke-kun to a girl that isn't even a part of his own fanclub would be to follow her around. Even though none of their intelligence ever mentions Sasuke hanging around or showing any kind of meaningful interaction they of course they didn't believe Naruto when he said that what Sasuke-kun likes about Hinata is that he has nothing to do with her. Almost everyone knows that Naruto has a crush on Sakura. It's obvious that he only said that in an attempt to try and win Sakura's affection.

Therefore, the next several months were spent spy… I mean … doing reconnaissance work on one Hinata Hyuuga. So far they have found out that she hangs out with her teammates, that she for some reason follows Naruto around, and that she is really quiet. Some girls report that they felt that she knew that they were there, but that's impossible. It isn't like she has the ability to see through things and most definitely she can't see anywhere behind her.

After trailing Hinata for a while they realized that she follows Naruto around more than what could be healthy. How could anyone follow someone around like that? With this not so new revelation of theirs, they decided that they should follo… I mean do reconisance work on Naruto to investigate what they have begun to call the Naruto-factor.

They have yet to figure out what makes up the Naruto-factor, but it always involves an incident where Naruto becomes an exception to previous believed rules. Every time one of the fanclub members would try to see if they themselves could be an exception it met with… let's just say it usually wasn't a pretty outcome. Poor, poor Midori (member # 49), for instance, has yet to get out of the hospital after calling Godaime-sama "Tsunade baa-chan." That is only one of the numerous instances of the Naruto-factor.

All right, I now admit they really didn't care about the Naruto-factor until after finding that not only does Sasuke-kun hold Naruto to exception, but Hinata does as well. As they were currently stal… doing reconisance work on Hinata, they decided to split up forces to see what is so special about Naruto. Naruto was as unspectacular as they thought he'd be. All he does is train, eat (usually ramen), and play games with children. They couldn't figure out where his house was, so they had no reports as to what he might do there. Three things led to the halting of all reconisance work on Naruto. First was they decided that he didn't do anything special and the members trailing him were getting bored. Secondly they realized that fol… doing reconisance work on him was the opposite of what they should be doing. That and the members tailing Hinata kept meeting up with the members trailing Naruto. Thirdly and most importantly, their moms got upset when they found out that they were following Naruto around and threatened to ground them. So all reconisance work on Naruto was brought to a halt. Reconisance work on Hinata hadn't stopped though.

By the time three months had passed, they had found out very little outside of their initial observations of Hinata. She has no contact with Sasuke-kun what so ever and when she does she only waves "hi" and promptly leaves. Sure Sasuke nods his head in acknowledgement of her existence, which is more than he ever does for any of the Fanclub members, but they don't have anything else to do with each other. The only reason they kept it up for so long was in case they can find out what is so special about her. There has to be something special about her: their Sasuke-kun likes her best!

One day, toward the end of the three total months that the club had been following her around, Hinata walked right up to the place where they were hiding and said, "Um… You guys have been following me for the past three months. I haven't said anything because I thought you guys would eventually get tired of following me around. I have been keeping Kiba-kun and Akamaru from attacking you guys because I didn't think you guys were causing any harm. I have decided to ask you all to quit following me please."

"Uh… so why are you asking us today instead of doing so earlier?" Ino asked perplexed.

"Shino-kun has gotten tired of you guys following us and has asked me to ask you all to quit following me around," Hinata said.

"So just because Shino tells you to you do it," Ino said in an attempt to cover the fact that Hinata not only surprised her but she also is embarrassed at being caught.

"No," Hinata said calmly, "I doing it because Shino doesn't get annoyed easily. That and you guys have been creeping me out since the second week you guys started following me around."

"Oh," was the very elegant response.

The group decided to leave the poor girl alone before she decided to ask why they were following her around. What would they say anyway? That they were because they heard Sasuke has a crush on her? She and Sasuke don't do anything together except live in the same village and like Naruto. Why were they following her for so long anyway? Blast it! They have gone three months on the only Sasuke news being from Sakura. The long dead kyuubi must have gotten a hold of their senses.

Well… it's time to rectify matters. Yes, it time to start doing what they all do best: spy… er… do reconnaissance work on Sasuke-kun.

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I think it might be easier to guess who Sasuke's new idol is now.

I'd like to give a special thanks to smith119 and Foxtail-inferno for reviewing my last chapter. I would also like to give a special thanks to kaolla asukura for putting "I Don't Wanna" on his or her favorite story list. Thanks all three of you.

Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto

Fruits Basket © Natsuki Takaya