Don't Want to Turn into a Girl!
Warning! Males, generally speaking, should not wear spandex.
Dedicated to: my sister for never quite getting the hang of "bad guy" laughing, one of my brothers for wanting to look like his favorite anime character, my mom for thankfully talking said brother out of wearing spandex shorts, and my friend Crimson Skies for appreciating my kind of humor.
Chapter three: In Which Sasuke Endeavors To Dress Like His IdolSasuke's new idol has a lot of things in common with himself, Sasuke thought. His new idol, though he doesn't have a fanclub in the show, knows the pains of having a fangirl. Sasuke figured that his idol's fangirl was bad enough to constitute a fanclub in some ways. His idol knows how to be efficient on missions and fight impressively. His new idol looks really cool as well. Sasuke wants to be almost exactly like his idol.
After watching a couple episodes of his newly favorite show, Sasuke researched how he could get a hold of all the episodes of the show. He found that though Fire Country just recently started showing the episodes, Mist country has already finished the whole series as well as a movie. Needless to say, most of Sasuke's first and second paychecks went toward buying and shipping his precious videos.
When they arrived, Sasuke spent his next day off watching a marathon of his newly acquired copy of his favorite show. After the marathon was over, Sasuke made some notes and lists regarding how he could be more like his idol and what mistakes his idol made that he won't make.
Among one of his lists were the following:
Find out if Kanoha sells green tank tops and black spandex. If there is a place to buy them, find out where they are.
Never tell any female "I will kill you"; you will never be rid of them.
Find a way to hide shuriken and kunai on self so others can't see it.
Only trust comrades that have proven they're worth that trust.
Find out why pink is such a scary color.
After he finished preparing his to do lists, Sasuke scoured through his closets and drawers to what would look the closest to his idol's choice in clothing. He found that he has no jeans, no black spandex shorts, no green tank tops, no tank tops of any kind, and no jean jackets. All right, that wouldn't deter him from reaching his goal of looking somewhat like his idol. Nope, not at all so he looked at what he did have and made comparisons from that. While not spandex, Sasuke did find a pair of black shorts he could use. Also he found that he had a black top with white on the inside the collar that made the shirt look similar to his second favorite character's shirt. His second favorite character vaguely reminded him of someone he knew, he just couldn't place who it was.
When he showed up at the bridge to wait for Kakashi-sensei he did his best to ignore his comrades reactions, even when Sakura wouldn't quit cooing about his new outfit. Thankfully Naruto provided a distraction for her when he said, "I don't see what is so special about his clothes. They look like regular old clothes to me."
Sakura took offence where Sasuke was grateful and promptly had to convince or beat the errors that she saw in Naruto's reasoning. All the while Sasuke tried to keep a straight face and ignore them. It is definitely harder to do than it looks.
After Kakashi-sensei had finally showed up (Sasuke is certain that one day Kakashi-sensei is going to completely forget to show up) and outlined the day's mission, Sasuke answered with a, "Mission Accepted". Naruto gave him a strange look as if to say, "what are you up to now?" and Kakashi looked like he was smiling in amusement. Sakura had to of course add in her, "Ah, yes! I accept this mission too!" She annoys Sasuke a lot. By the end of the week everyone had accepted Sasuke's new behavior as his new normal behavior, which suited him just fine.
Incidentally, Sasuke's quest for black spandex shorts took longer and met with different results than he originally expected. First off, when he asked Kakashi-sensei if there were any stores that would sell spandex shorts, Sasuke was treated to the first time ever that he had ever seen his sensei frightened. Well… maybe not frightened, but definitely spooked. Then Kakashi-sensei told him never to ask that question again and, "I don't want to ever see you wear spandex. Ever. In fact spandex is evil. So don't ever speak of that again." Then Kakashi-sensei vanished never to be seen until the next day at the usual time and place. In fact Sasuke thought he overheard Naruto complaining the next day about Kakashi-sensei stealing Iruka-sensei from him, in the middle of their usual ramen time, to be comforted from the evils out there.
…Sasuke doesn't know why his teacher is so weird. Can his instructor ever take anything seriously?
Anyway… The next problem of course came trying to find time to search Kanoha for the shop while simultaneously avoiding the creatures that prey on any news of him. Why didn't he take advantage of that three-month period that they left him alone? He knew that he would eventually seek out spandex shorts. So why didn't he buy them when he would have been able to without a following? Why did he do so much research for being more like his idol? It didn't need to take three months. Three whole months!
–Cough – Please excuse the minor breakdown.
Eventually Sasuke found someone that would know where he could buy spandex, but the source made him wonder if that was the reason for Kakashi-sensei's phobia of spandex. You most likely have guessed his source already, but I'll tell you anyway. He met Lee Rock and his sensei Gai. He initially was weary of asking them, but his need to look like his idol over rid his initial concern.
When he asked, Lee was ecstatic to show Sasuke where he gets his spandex outfit. But he told Sasuke to wait until Gai-sensei could take them because Gai-sensei said to "never go into that store without me there". It took a month until both of his guides and his days off where the same.
"Ah so Sasuke-san have you come to understand how great spandex can be?" Lee asked as they walked toward the store. Luckily today Sasuke's fanclub was having a daylong potluck meeting. He had Naruto and Lee check to make sure Sakura had told the truth. It rarely pays to have someone from your own unauthorized fanclub on your team, and this was one of the few instances where it did.
"I don't know what you mean," Sasuke answered.
"Why did you want to know where a spandex store is?" Lee asked.
"An anime character I want to be like to wears black spandex shorts," Sasuke answered.
"Ah, that is a fine reason to want spandex shorts," Gai says with his sparkly teeth. How those two manage that Sasuke is still trying to figure out. It definitely isn't a jutsu…
"Ah, yes Sasuke-san it is fine to look like those who you admire," Lee said barely containing his sparkles. Sasuke wondered briefly who Lee looks up to and decided it wasn't even worth the time to pretend that he doesn't know.
Luckily it was only a fifteen-minute walk from the spot that three had met at. That and the fact that they were so busy exalting the greatness of the "spring time of youth" that they weren't offended by Sasuke's untalkativeness. Actually Sasuke doubted that they noticed whether or not he was talking unless they asked him a direct question. They weren't so bad to be around, but he could see why Kakashi-sensei would go out of his way to avoid them at times. To put it nicely, they definitely are unique.
When Lee mentioned a store that sells spandex, Sasuke was expecting a sports clothing store. The inside of the store was not like anything that Sasuke had anticipated. He should have suspected something when Lee mentioned that he isn't allowed to come here without Gai. He understands why and is glad that he didn't come alone or with just Lee with him. This place could be synonymous with "gay clothing store".
After Lee had left to try on an outfit that he thought would look nice, Gai took Sasuke aside and said, "I know what you're thinking young one."
Sasuke really doubted that Gai knew what he was thinking but he let the man continue anyway, "I know a lot of homosexual men shop here, but this store sells some really comfortable clothing. I would appreciate it if you don't explain to cute young Lee that the men here aren't just being nice to him. He is so naïve and pure that even though it doesn't bother him what a person prefers, he thinks that because he prefers female that no male would flirt with him or hit on him. He has a different sense of the rules."
"And that is why you told him to never come here without you," Sasuke finished.
"Yes. It my duty not only see to it that Lee stays this innocent, but that he doesn't get hurt because of it," Gai spieled.
"Alright, I won't tell Lee," Sasuke promised.
"Ah, I thank you Sasuke-kun," Gai said and did his sparkly good guy poise. Luckily Lee was ready to leave not long after that conversation. Sasuke decided that he didn't want to ever think of wearing spandex again. Yes, in fact he is going to do his best to forget that he ever did want to wear spandex. Now he really understands Kakashi-sensei's fear of spandex.
Next on his list for his quest to look like his idol included finding a pair of jeans, a green tank top and a jean jacket. This turned out to be easier and less traumatizing. Sasuke didn't even once consider asking Kakashi-sensei. He didn't want to know if there where any other odd phobias that his instructor had. Oddly enough it was Naruto that directed him towards a store that sold all three.
It turns out that the only place that Naruto goes to do all of his clothes shopping is a discount clothing store. It sells sheet sets, pillows, towels, and other various things as well. While Naruto told Sasuke that this was the only place that he could afford to buy from, the truth was that this was the only place that he could afford that would let him buy from them. There was another discount clothing store, but they wouldn't let him buy there because of a supposed "no animal" policy that keeps him out. He saw them let Kiba with Akamaru shop there, so Naruto believes it to be another reason. For the sake of his own principles, Naruto wouldn't tell Sasuke about that other place. So, Hah! They just lost the great Uchiha's patronage because they didn't let him, the amazing Naruto, go there.
Sasuke wonders why Naruto is laughing maniacally. Well… it is at least what Sasuke thinks is Naruto's version of a maniacal laugh. Instead of his laugh being "Mwahahaha" it is "Mwaheheeheeheee", or was it more like "Kukukukukuku" that his laugh sounded like. Strange. Who would want to laugh like that? Maybe Naruto is too much a good kind of person to maniacally laugh properly. That, or it is just another thing that Naruto just can't do properly. Whatever the reason, Sasuke just hopes that what ever is the reason for Naruto's maniacal like laughter isn't something that will hurt him in the long run. Sasuke began to plan strategic exit points all around him continuously just in case Naruto has finally decided to snap and go on a rampage of not so evil evilness.
When they finally got to the store, Sasuke decided that he should stop trying to anticipate the insides of the store based on who brought him there. The store was a normal looking store. There wasn't clothing of weird and unusual style there, for the most part. Sasuke could see a rack toward the back that held jogging suits similar to Naruto's. At least the had the green tank top, jeans, and jean jacket he was looking for. Sasuke went home a mostly happy Sasuke that night. In fact, if that man were dead, it would be the second happiest day of his life, the first being that he actually killed that man.
Oddly enough, or just for the convenience of my fic, the first time that Sasuke wore that outfit was to a Halloween party. All right, it wasn't a Halloween party, but that is what Naruto called it. Sasuke thinks that Naruto meant a costume or masked party, but everyone who was invited and came understood what Naruto had meant. None of them really had the heart, or patience, to correct him on that matter. That and it was the first party that he had ever held. Sasuke was only one of the people that Naruto enlisted to help him. Sasuke doesn't quite remember how he got roped into it, but he did what he could. The others that ended up helping Naruto with his party were Iruka-sensei and Tsunade-hime. How Naruto manages to gain such wide variety and weird bunch of friends is something Sasuke has long ago quit trying to figure out. Mostly because that question implies that he himself might be weird and Sasuke isn't sure he likes the implications of that.
Anyway, Sasuke ended up helping Naruto hand out invitations, pick out a costume, and clean up after the party. Tsunade-hime and Iruka-sensei helped Naruto put up decorations and gather together the food for the party. The party was a success, according to Naruto. For Sasuke it was a disaster. First all of those… … … …
I'm sure you guy don't want to know all the tiny details of Naruto's "Halloween" Party, so I'll just tell you the major ones. First off, Naruto insisted on a washtub to be used for a dunking apples station. Sasuke thinks that is a result of Naruto's delusions about the party being of the Halloween nature.
Second, even though he had already scoped out a good hiding… I mean – observation spot, it didn't do Sasuke any good as he showed up late. As a result, Sasuke could not find a good time to go to his hid… - observation spot without bringing attention to it.
Third, it seems that looking like his idol brings him more attention than normal. It seems that the tank top shows too much skin than is healthy for the fangirl population. Because they wouldn't quit talking about his muscles, Sasuke put on his jacket. As a result Sasuke fainted from overheating. Naruto was kind enough to put him up for the night, but still…
That is why Sasuke never wore that outfit again. Oh! If you want to know what happened during the party, you're out of luck. That is another story, so please your imagination. Mine temporally quit on me.
I apologize that this took so long. Between the college term starting up again and distractions from my muses… Sasuke dragged me around and then Naruto insisted on a Halloween party and wouldn't tell me what happened. I wish my muses would make up their minds better. Thanks to all of you who reviewed, I probably would have lost motivation to post if you guys hadn't and if I hadn't Crimson Skies prolly would have bugged me till I did. She is so good to me. Carrot-six and Frontier of Darkness get cyber brownies for guessing correctly about Sasuke's idol. Micheal gets cyber pocky for catching the DBZ reference in ch. one, though he was only half correct, Naruto was watching that show. I thought it was a show that Naruto would get into.
Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto
Gundam Wing © SOTSU AGENCY - SUNRISE – ANB and the various manga-ka
DBZ© Akira Toriyama
