A/N:
Sol is the name that I've chosen for Luna's brother. It's Latin for sun and also means peace because of King Solomon. It can also mean 'alone'. Also the whole Sol/soul thing. I don't know, it just felt kind of perfect.
Years ago, she offered the man beside her a place in Floukru, hoping but not daring to believe that he would take it.
He didn't.
Luna knew that Nyko hated war as much as she did. But he could not abandon his people.
Would not.
He was a healer. And so he would heal.
That was how he found his peace. In amongst the blood and the death. Fixing the few broken parts of the world he could.
Luna was no healer.
She was born to take life, not preserve it.
But she could also give it. She had that power. She'd-
But was that a blessing or a curse?
Was giving life any better than taking it away? Creating a life to suffer in the darkness, to endure it.
Life was a miracle.
But the giving of it?
A curse. How could it not be?
So she could curse a soul with life or with death.
That was her power.
That was the legacy of her blood.
Luna swallowed, leaning over the edge of the boat once again. The waves crashed under her and she welcomed their familiar music and the occasional spray against her face.
If she could replace the black in her veins with the clear water below, she would do so in a heartbeat.
Perhaps that would finally grant her the freedom of peace.
Something caught her attention in the distance and she sighed, watching the sharpening appearance of land with growing resignation.
But there was one last thing they needed to talk about before it finally reached them. She had resisted the subject for days, heart too heavy to reopen another wound.
But she could not delay any longer.
"Nyko," Luna started, eyes drawn to the approaching island. The boat ride had at once been too short, and too long. She hadn't wanted it to end, yet she'd been itching to escape the rusty contraption the second she stepped onto it, her skin growing tight and claustrophobic. She knew without a doubt that she was trapped, that the boy, Jasper, had spoken the truth, even as he'd armed it in vitriol.
The last two times Luna had been trapped, she'd been forced to kill someone she loved.
She prayed Skaikru were more merciful than the Fleimkepas or A.L.I.E. had been.
Nyko inclined his head in acknowledgment, expression open and receptive to whatever she had to say.
He had always been a good listener.
Always been kind.
And moral.
She was counting on that now.
Having surpassed her tolerance for watchful eyes, Luna turned and made her way towards the cabin. Nyko followed.
At least in here, she could be granted some privacy. Possibly the last she would ever have, depending on what was in store for her on the island. She'd been granted almost no time alone in Arcadia and she doubted her time here would be any different.
Nyko, at least, created a comforting buffer. A taste of home. It wasn't true isolation that Luna sought, simply an escape from circling vultures who reminded her far too much of days long gone. Nyko formed a barrier against that.
She left the door open, knowing that the feeling of claustrophobia would only increase if she shut herself in a room with no exit and little airflow.
Leaning closer, she lowered her voice for fear of prying ears - Luna didn't know how many, if any, of the Sky People could understand Trigedasleng - though, she'd waited for the others to drift far enough away to be safe before beginning this conversation. She'd had to wait longer than she'd have liked. The Sky People clung to her like the tower attendants in Polis when she was a child, following their charges around everywhere they went. Acting as a guard but also a jailer - monitors who could report back their every action and word to the head Fleimkepa.
Luna felt her anxiety rise at the memory.
All she'd done to escape that prison, all the bridges she'd burnt and the new ones she'd built, only to find herself trapped in a cage just as controlling.
The Fleimkepas and Skaikru were born of completely different worlds, but their motivations were the same.
Ensure the continued survival of their people.
At the end of the day, Luna would never be more than her blood to either of them.
She had to make sure it was her blood they focused their sights on, though.
"Right now, these people believe that I'm the only nightblood left in existence. I want your word that it will stay that way."
Realization dawned on Nyko's face before it settled into disappointment. "You don't trust them."
She cocked her head to the side, challenging. "The last time I trusted Skaikru and let them into my home, I almost lost everything. And what I did lose. . ." Her hand clenched at her side, remembering the knife that had once been within its grasp. The way it had felt to drive it into flesh once again. To stare into the vacant eyes of someone she loved as all life fled them at her command. Luna swallowed, retreating from the memory. "And now you expect me to trust them with something even more precious than that?"
He sighed, but there was a sad understanding in his eyes. "You have my word. As I promised you all those years ago, I will protect your secret until my last breath."
His words softened her and she relaxed slightly. Recent events had made her edgy, distrustful but Nyko had never given her a reason not to rely on him.
She regretted the earlier chill in her tone, the implication that she doubted him.
Perhaps she had. But only because right now she was finding it hard to believe in anyone.
Including herself.
"Thankyou." Luna reached out, squeezing his arm. "For everything you've done for me."
She would never forget it.
Nyko's eyes held regret, though. "I'm sorry I didn't have the power to do more. I'm sorry about your clan, Luna." Her gaze flicked down, nails digging into the chipped wood of the boat's handrail. "Will you go to her, after all this is over?"
She glanced out through a small window at the sea. Despite being surrounded by it at this very moment, she had never felt more distant from its peace.
"No," she said firmly. This was one of the few things she possessed no conflict over. "I still stand by the decision I made all those years ago. Recent events only make that more certain. She's safer where she is. Away from me." Just as her clan would have been. Her blood had lured A.L.I.E. to their door. And her promise of peace had made them the only casualties so far of this so-called Praimfaya. All because she'd isolated them out at sea, forcing them to subsist on what they could pull from its depths.
In her efforts to help, she had only harmed.
She wouldn't soon forget that.
Nyko's hand came up to clasp the one she still rested on his arm and Luna's composure cracked slightly. He'd been the only one to offer such gentleness since the last of her clan had perished, since she'd revealed herself as the 'miracle' so desperately needed.
There was nothing miraculous about her survival, though.
There never had been.
Luna sighed, shoulders falling with the weight of it all. "And even if I did feel otherwise, I wouldn't know where to look."
He squeezed her hand, drawing her eyes back to him and the small smile on his face that was so out of place. "That I can help you with."
Luna narrowed her eyes, body tensing. "I didn't know you were privy to that information. Costia said-"
"Costia agreed with you and thought it best that the less people who knew, the better. So no, I don't know her location. But I know of people who do possess that information." He smiled. "After all this is over, I will take you to them. And we'll look for her together." She opened her mouth but he was already prepared for the coming protest, "If you change your mind." The look in his eyes told her he had every confidence that she would and a part of her rebelled at that, even as a greater gratitude seeped through.
"I won't."
"Your mouth says one thing but your eyes say another. It speaks the truth of your heart." His other hand came up to grasp her shoulder. "You have denied yourself long enough. The world is no longer what it was. The old ways are dead or dying. There will be no more Conclaves."
She raised an eyebrow. "You really believe that?"
Nyko had never struck her as delusional but now she was beginning to question that judgment.
He nodded. "Right now we have a Commander with no nightblood, elected without a Conclave. We are already living such a reality."
Luna made a face. "I don't think the prince of Azgeda commanding the thirteen clans is evidence of a brighter future." The knowledge of what their queen had done to sweet Costia had been the kindle for many of her nightmares over the years and even now it sparked a rage in her heart as few other things could.
She in no way held Roan responsible for the crimes of his mother but she knew the kind of people Azkeda bred, how resistant they were to peace. Floukru had contained at least one former member of every clan - except Azkeda. None from the Ice Nation had ever sought out peace or sanctuary. Or if they had, they hadn't gone to the sea to find it.
She'd also had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting Roan during her youth on multiple occasions and, and whilst she'd found him nowhere near as bloodthirsty as his mother, he was no less ruthless for it.
He would have made a good nightblood.
If the world wasn't already about to end, Azgeda's king sitting on the Commander's throne might have worried her.
For now, it brought her only the faint impression of bitter amusement. Luna smiled slightly, imagining how her former mentor would have reacted to this momentous shift in the tides. "I'm sure Titus is rolling in his grave right now."
All his precious traditions discarded into the abyss - and by the son of Queen Nia, no less.
That was one bright side, at least.
She bore Titus no resentment, had washed herself of that long ago. Her heart had even ached for him when she'd learned of Lexa's death. But she could not forget the horrors he'd subjected her to, the blood he'd forced on her hands.
Nyko narrowed his eyes at her reprovingly and she felt all of ten-years-old again, caught running about the halls of the tower when she was supposed to be on bedrest from her latest injury. Just as she had then, she returned his disapproval with a look of utmost innocence.
She could hear the words he usually reproached her with, as though they had fallen on her only yesterday.
('You are big trouble for such a little moon. . .')
Nyko's reproaches were always so much more palatable than Titus', more fond than rebuking.
And yet. . .
It was strange but she'd come to almost miss the sanctimonious man's lectures. Titus had never been fond of her and the feeling had been more than mutual but. . . he'd been a part of her life for thirteen years. Had raised her, in his own way.
She'd lived with the knowledge all these years that if she ever did see him again, it would be at her execution as he leveled her with all the condemnation his aged body could contain.
And yet. . .
He was one of the last threads to her old life that she still had to hang onto. Or he had been. Now there was only Nyko.
And soon he would be gone, too.
When the Sky People failed in their task and Praimfaya arrived to cleanse the world once more.
Everyone would be gone then.
Everyone except her.
And maybe. . .
But this Luna wouldn't let herself think on.
That hope wasn't hers to have.
She'd come to terms with that a long time ago.
It couldn't be.
Not now.
Probably not ever.
But if Skaikru failed, and if they allowed Luna to leave after the fact, then maybe she would take Nyko up on his offer.
She would have to.
After Praimfaya came, she would be the only one left to take care of that child.
If she was still alive.
So many years had passed. There was no guarantee that she hadn't turned to ash with the rest of Luna's clan.
There was a sudden sway as the boat completed its journey.
Her time was up.
Squaring her shoulders, Luna moved to the door, ducking her head and stepping outside. She lingered, debating whether to give into the urge and turn back around. Return to the safety of the dark.
A hand on her back halted that impulse.
Nyko sighed and guided her reluctant feet over to the side of the boat that met the dock. "Come, we have a long journey ahead of us."
"I don't think this home of Bekka Pramheda's is that far."
"That is only the beginning of our journey, little moon."
On this, she could agree with him.
Still, the nickname made her pause, narrow her eyes. "I'm not little anymore."
Nyko shook his head. "You will always be little. Once you were so small you fit into my hand." He held up said hand to demonstrate and she eyed it with significant doubt. She knew he had delivered her and her brother, along with several other nightbloods, but she had trouble believing that she had ever been so small. Luna had attended several births herself but none of those newborn children had ever fit in her hand.
Although, it was true that twins were often born smaller. . .
But then he winked at her, mouth twitching and she realized his game. Rolling her eyes, she turned back to the sea. "You didn't fool me."
"No, I saw a moment of belief in your eyes. You doubted yourself." He smiled, then shrugged. "Besides, you will always be a little moon in the face of that one."
Luna followed the direction of his finger up to the sky where she could make out the faint dusting of stars - and yes, a moon - that still lingered in the daylight.
He wasn't wrong.
In the face of such a vast being, she was but a speck of life - and no more important than that.
The realization calmed her slightly. The gravity of her own existence had always weighed on her. It was a relief to think that, in truth, she mattered little. Her impact could not compare to a force that had endured for as long as the sea and which had the power to influence the tides.
Luna could barely influence her own life.
She wondered what it looked like up close, whether that was something the Sky People had been granted witness to. The sky was so big, perhaps where they lived the moon appeared as small to them as it did to her.
Luna would ask but she had no desire to hold a conversation with any of them.
She liked Abby, appreciated all that she had done for her and her people, but she was not oblivious to the change in the way the other woman looked at her. Nor was she naive. The moment the healer had realized that Luna could be of use, the potential in her blood, she had become a commodity first and a person second. She had seen that same change spread over all the Sky People now confined to this boat.
Luna recognized that look. She had weathered it throughout her childhood, even beyond. Had seen it on the faces of the Sky People who were welcomed into Floukru, seen it on Clarke and Octavia most of all.
She hated that look.
But no matter what she did or how far she ran, she could not escape it.
That was her curse.
Her price for being born.
Nyko didn't look at her in that way, though. He was aware of the significance of her blood but he had never let that eclipse the value of her life.
For this, he had earned her respect. And her trust.
Two things not easily given.
Luna allowed him to lead her off the boat.
Past
"Is. . . Is it over?"
She had heard the horn. She had heard many horns. Hands over her ears, trying to escape the cacophony of death. She had thought the last horn, today - was it today? - sounded different. But she couldn't be sure.
Couldn't be sure of anything.
"Yes, child, it is over."
The horn had sounded.
They were all dead. Everyone was dead.
It was over.
Dead.
"W-Who?"
"Lexa."
But not Lexa. Lexa was not dead. Lexa was still here. Lexa was Commander. Luna hadn't killed her.
That was good.
Was it good?
What was good?
Lexa.
"I killed him." She killed him. "I k-killed him." He was dead. Gone. Dead. Gone.
That was good.
No, it wasn't.
But it was good.
It was supposed to be-
Good.
He was dead.
This was good.
There was a big sigh, a rush of air that made her flinch back and then the man was crouching down in front of her.
The man was Nyko.
Nyko.
Nyko was not dead.
She did not have to kill him.
"I killed him."
Nyko was a healer.
Nyko helped her.
Nyko was a healer for the Commander.
She was not the Commander.
She was-
Nyko could not help her.
"I killed him."
No-one could help her.
She ran.
She should keep running.
She meant to keep running.
Why was she not running?
"Yes. Yes, you did."
Was he talking about her running? Did he know why she was not running?
She glanced down at her feet. They were very still. Why were they still?
They should not be still.
Feet were never still when running.
She poked the dirty flesh of one. Didn't feel it.
The appendage shifted slightly but remained still.
Why were they so dirty?
She had shoes. Where were her shoes?
Wet, wet, wet.
Wet in the water.
Everything was in the water.
Sol.
She was not in the water anymore.
"I see you have been running for quite some time," the man mused, taking in her feet.
Why was he looking at her feet?
Nyko.
Nyko looked at things.
That was what he did.
Nyko.
He touched the sole of one foot. It felt like the sting of a bee. She flinched back.
"I killed him."
"Yes," he murmured, peering closer at her feet. Sol was not on her feet. Why was he looking at her feet? "May I take a closer look?"
Why?
But she nodded. Saying no was never good. Saying no made bad things happen.
She didn't want any more bad things to happen.
Rough hands encircled her foot, making her skin burn.
She panted.
It was too much.
He was not the person she wanted to be touching her.
His hands were too big.
They did not fit against hers exactly.
They were not impossibly soft in some places, yet hardened by blisters in others.
They were not his.
"These need to be tended to," he said softly.
She looked down again. Saw that her feet were covered in black. But that was not strange.
All of her was covered in black.
The river was black.
Sol was black.
Everything was black.
"I killed him."
He sighed, set her black foot back down.
She swallowed. "He's gone."
He had never been gone before. Thirteen years of life and he had never been gone.
What was she to do with this gone? This empty space existing beside her, inside her. There was a cavern in her chest where a heart should be.
Where was her heart?
A/N: look, Luna's past is horrific. Being trained to kill your friends and brother from birth is horrific. There is absolutely no other way to look at it. That Luna was able to move past that and create a life for herself and others, to find peace is fucking commendable. Props to you, Luna. Much respect. I'm sorry that the world continued to break your heart.
Next chapter, sea mechanic!
There'll also be a bit of a shift in Luna's perspective and attitude because that's what takes place on the show. We see her go from doubting that humanity deserves to be saved, to comforting Raven and trying to convince Murphy that he'll find peace. These four chapters were all about setting up the Luna that we see in 4.4. But this Luna won't completely disappear. She's still under the surface and you'll see her pop out from time to time.
