COLE

Jade's eyes were shiny and wet. I noticed that mine weren't. I wasn't feeling anything. My face was numb. I was glad that at least someone was crying.

"Back when you two started dating, she wasn't faithful to you for quite some time. I told her she wasn't being fair to you, but she and Oscar would sneak and have sex from time to time, just for the fun of it, way into our twenties. She'd go to New York and fool around, too. Every time I begged her to stop, she'd threaten that she'd ridicule me towards you about my feelings."

"What feelings?"

"Cole, please, you can't be serious. I was in love with you the whole time. Since we were 9. I probably still am. Ali must have told you."

"No, she hasn't." How did I not know this? Jade, the introspective, sensitive wallflower. A professional at concealment.

"OK, anyway, Ali would blackmail me, so I shut my mouth. I didn't want to lose your friendship. But then I began to notice how much you loved her, so I gradually removed myself from your lives, because I couldn't look at your face and not be honest about her flings and I didn't want to ruin anything. But this... what I saw this week… it was unbearable. After all you lived through together, you don't deserve any of it, and I'm really, really sorry."

I felt a smile on my numb face. It turned into an awkward chuckle. Jade was clearly worried that I lost my mind. I shook my head as if to convince her I didn't. "Did you know that I liked you before I liked Alison? From 12 to 16, I was crazy about you for four whole years. I was shy and you were absolutely out of my league. I begged Alison to talk to you on my behalf, and Alison kept telling me to wake up, that you'd never reciprocate my feelings, that I'd botch it if I attempted to flirt. So I eventually believed her and gave up on you. Ali wasn't like you; she flirted with me openly, so over time, I changed my mind. I fell in love with her."

"That's not even remotely funny…" She rubbed her face roughly in frustration with both hands and pressed her palms into her eyes, before continuing. "…but I'm not surprised. As generous as you are, you were too blindly in love to notice that her behavior borders sociopathy. She always acted differently when other men were around. She's the sole reason I went and studied psychology in college. Being friends with her was very traumatic for me. She'd lie to you, to everyone, and then brag about how easily she got away with it. You can't imagine how heavy the guilt I had to hide was. In time, she at least grew up and got the sense of shutting out her inner self from the world. That was for the best for everybody. I know I sound bitter, but I'm not. It took me a while to get over it, but I have managed. I can't even imagine what she must have gone through when you lost Gabriel, but I refuse to get over her dishonesty to you. I'm so, so angry, with myself, with her."

At that, Jade let her tears go, hugging her knees, her shoulders shaking. "Cole, say something. I'm really sorry. I should have told you earlier."

I was noticing that this was far from the reaction she thought I would show. That I should have shown. But all I was feeling was a sense of peace and relief building on the numbness.

I looked around. "Your decision to bring me here was sound, Jade. This is the best place I could hope to be punched in the heart. Great view and far enough from both of them." I turned to her. "There is no need to apologize. You had my back when I didn't even know I was in need of it. I guess I need some time to digest this, as, for the life of me, I can't feel anything right now. Let's sit here for a while. The sun is finally up and the clouds are clearing." I took a swig of whiskey and made a gesture to offer her some. She nodded and drank, then lied down, supporting her head with her hands, her tears drying.

After a minute, I lied down, too, staring at the light gray clouds that slowly moved away from my line of sight. Trying to believe what was happening and failing. Was I so gullible? Did I mistake her lack of feeling for stoicism? For strength? I knew she manipulated my feelings about Gabriel's death, but I believed blindly that it was just her way of expressing pain.

No. I know she felt as desolate as I did when Gabriel died. I know she lost all sense of existence, held on to life merely by the touch of my hand, my breath on her neck, my cock inside her, by a simple thread. Just as I have. I know she felt something.

Not enough to respect me, I guess. She must have recovered while she was pushing my head down.

I was relieved once again. The tears were finally coming.


JADE

I gave him privacy to think and cry in silence for some time. Then I turned to lie on my side towards him and I asked the important question.

"What are you going to do?"

He turned to me, too. "I don't know, Jade. I have no idea. I am a lot less angry than I thought I'd be. It's worrying, but it's as if some unexplained frustration just fell into place and got resolved. I'm just…sad. Thanks for being straight with me. You've always been the mature, insightful one. You know, this will sound cheesy but I've always considered you my closest friend even though we practically haven't said a word to each other in the last 10 years. I'm glad you're back, talking to me again. I wish you had never stopped."

"You transfer me money every month. That's good interaction," I smiled at him. To my surprise, he did, too. Then he sighed.

"I don't know what I'd do if I saw them together. I almost wish that they run away together before we are back in Montauk, or they stop existing altogether. I don't want to see her. I don't want to deal with this. It gives me shivers that come evening, I'll have to go home and sleep in the same bed as her."

"I imagine I would have felt similarly. Is there nowhere else you can stay as you get your head around things?"

"I don't want my mom or Scotty to find out yet. I feel ashamed. Maybe I'll call Caleb later."

He looked lost in thought, but then he suddently turned to me. "Jade… this is probably the stupidest and most cowardly idea I've ever had, but would you be there with me when I confront Alison? I don't think I can do this alone, nor can I ignore it. She's the opposite of alone, why should I be? I'm afraid of my wrath and her audacity. I'm afraid of hurting her or him in a burst of anger. I'm afraid of hurting myself. I've thought of the location of my gun three times in the last five minutes. But right now, I feel safe with you. I trust you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was flattered, excited, anxious, terrified at the same time. I wanted to support him but it was Alison's wrath I was afraid of.

"Of course, Cole. Whatever you need. You're my friend, too. Come stay at my place if it'll feel better to be remote. I do have a guest room. You slept there before, remember?"

He sat back up. "Yeah, Alison and Oscar were both stung by a jellyfish that day. What are the odds? Funniest sleepover ever. Does Oscar still snore?"

I sat up, too, and smiled. "Maliciously. Worse every year."

We watched the waves for a while. Then he turned to me and bored a hole into my soul. "Thanks, Jade. I'd much prefer to stay with you."


COLE

I was exhausted on the way back, so my brain started running in circles. I first decided that Alison didn't even deserve Gabriel, and then I realized he might not even have been mine. Then Jade told me I was having a panic attack. I hadn't even noticed I wasn't breathing well. She stopped on the side of the road and got me out of the car for some fresh air. When that didn't help, she shoved me in the backseat and enveloped me as tightly as her short arms let her. As I struggled to breathe, I heard her sing Famous Blue Raincoat by Leonard Cohen into my hair. The sad lyrics I knew by heart and the repetitive soothing melody turned my panic into sorrow. And I wailed, holding onto her till I was ready to pass out. She laid me down to sleep in an awkward pose and got back on the driver's seat to take me home. I forgot to thank her for singing to me. I might have bruised her arms by hugging her too tight. Tore her t-shirt by pulling a little too hard. I definitely remember soiling it with my snot and tears.


ALISON

Jade. That sneaky bitch. The bane of my existence since childhood. That would-be-angel on everyone's shoulder, as if anyone asked for one. The rightous idiot.

She finally told Cole. She must have. Not everything, I hope. I thought she was timid enough not to, but admittedly I've had more to think about than her petty existence in the last few years. Because of Cole's oversight, his attention span of a potato, my beautiful boy was dead. Dead. I bet Cole was staring at his second niece's tiny round 20-year-old ass as he let my boy drown. I hope whatever he was doing was worth the trouble. Well, at least I know he felt pain, too. He should. If he didn't, I would make sure of it. Just like the breadth he lacks in other parts of life, I doubt he's capable of feeling as much pain as I can. He should not worry, I can help.

Now, that bitch could get what she always wanted; a crumb of attention from Cole. Hey, she may even be rewarded with some dick. Not that I care but that'd be hilarious to watch, because Cole still loves me like a puppy dog. I can't wait to watch her disappointment when he comes running back to me with the swing of my finger.

I never could understand how her pretend innocence didn't make others feel bile in their throats like I always have.

Meeting Noah was the best thing that ever happened to me in this tiny town. Whenever I tried to rise above, get close to what I deserve, these low-lives have dragged me down. I almost got Oscar to make me co-manager and Jade took that away from me, because "she had insight on numbers" and "she went to college". I sucked his crooked pink dick for years for nothing. Then I worked my ass off for a year of nursing school and Cole got my boy killed, crippling me off of sick children for life. Now I had the chance to change my life. Noah was capable of doing that. Our relationship was just budding, I hadn't secured him yet. God damn Jade and her big nose.

There was no sign of Jade or Cole that whole day in the Ranch or in the Roll, till Oscar reported to me in the evening that he saw them in Jade's living room through the window. I'm not an idiot, I can put two and two together. Now I have to make a plan of how I can attach Noah to me before he plays the rightous man and tells his wife. Noah and I are so much alike, but we're still at the sweet spot and he needs to realize that he doesn't really care about his family anyhow. His actions are proof. The author Butler and his daughter are teeming with money; the divorce settlement should help me get a decent life in New York.

If Jade and Cole force my hand, I can just go and report Scotty's cocaine business to the police. He thinks that nobody knows. Cole sure doesn't, but their mom Cherry and I do, and that's a trump card for me.