Where was the disclaimer in Chapter Seven, you ask? Or maybe you didn't ask, I don't know. Anyway, I've put in the disclaimer enough, so I don't think I really need it anymore..
You didn't think I would ever update did you? Ha, I did. Whatever..just read.
Chapter Eight: Sacred Forest Meadow or Bust!
"Ughh.." Ganondorf moaned and slowly stood up. "What happened last night?"
"You got drunk and blacked out," Ivan informed him.
"Hehe.." Ganondorf laughed to himself and dazily walked out the Temple of Time.
"I've been waiting for you..Hero of Time."
"What?" Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "I think you've gotten me mixed up with somebody else...that would be Link."
"No," replied the stranger. "That would be you. Link is the King of Evil, English and Grammar, Forest Stuff, Fire Stuff, and Water Stuff. My name is Sheik."
"What?" Ganondorf repeated. "HE TOOK MY TITLES!"
"And what's worse," Sheik continued, pacing back and forth, "is that he's completely screwed the world up, and claimed himself ruler over everything."
"WHAT?" Ganondorf said for the third time. "If anyone's going to SCREW Hyrule, it's gonna be ME!"
"Yeah!" Ivan chimed in. "Let's go stop him, and then after that, YOU can take over the world."
"Yeah!" Ganondorf unsheathed the Master Sword. "I must defeat Link and regain my titles!"
"Ivan.." Ganondorf was sweating. "Where the heck are you taking me?"
"Uhh.." Ivan said. "Kakariko!"
"Then why have we circled around Lon Lon Ranch like five hundred times?" Ganondorf asked, angrily.
"Uhhh.." Ivan repeated. "I dunno."
"GAH!" Ganondorf screamed. "Foolish fairy! Now we have to turn around and go all the way there!"
"Whatever dude," Ivan replied, as they headed toward Kakariko Village. As soon as they got there, they saw two very strange people dancing under a tree.
"Oh great," Ganondorf sighed. "Tree huggers..run Ivan!" And with that they sprinted off to the graveyard. Once they entered, it suddenly started raining.
"Rain! No rain! Rain! No rain!" Ganondorf was jumping in and out of the graveyard. He had invented his own little game. Ivan rolled his eyes, and began to look around for Dampe's grave.
"How do you know where to go and what to do?" Ganondorf gaped, finished with his game.
"Well, Link's already done all this right?" Ivan began to explain. "So all WE have to do is do what HE did. We should be able to have it a lot easier than he did. Plus we can always consult the Official Nintendo Power Strategy Guide!"
"Oh yeah," Ganondorf smiled, as they came upon Dampe's grave. Ganondorf, being the brute he is, smashed in open with a very small energy punch, and they went in.
"Cooool," Ganonodorf stared in at all of the torches, when the old fat guy suddenly came up.
"'Ello there, young 'un," Dampe greeted, and then chugged down a ton of beer. "Beatme in a raceand you'll get my treasure."
"Hahaha!" Ganondorf laughed. "This is gonna be a piece of-" Dampe suddenly took of at full speeds. Ganondorf started running as fast as he could. He was pretty speedy for a litle guy, but being two inches tall, his legs were extrememly short.
"Oh no!" Ganondorf groaned. "There's no way we'll ever catch up to him!"
"I've got a plan!" Ivan exclaimed, as the camera zoomed in on him dramatically. The little fairy flew up to Dampe and tossed a beer onto the ground in front of him.
"YAY!" Dampe stopped and bent over to pick up the beer bottle. He opened it and began to drink it; this gave the former King of Evil time to make it to the finish line.
"Ha!" Ganondorf said. "I win! Fork over the hookshot, fatty!"
"Hooligans! Rascals!" Dampe shouted at Ivan and Ganondorf. "Tempting me with alcohol like that! Tsk, tsk! What am I going to do with you two?"
Ganondorf tossed him another beer. "Why, give us the hookshot of course!"
"Hookshot? Oh yes of course.." Dampe said, and dropped it to the ground while floating away with the beer.
"Nice one Ganondorf!" Ivan complimented, as Ganondorf struggled to pick up the huge hookshot. It's a shame that Ganondorf is too small to truly appreciate the coolest weapon EVER. Well, pretty cool.
"It's...HEAVY!" Ganondorf complained, as he dragged it over to Ivan. "How am I supposed to carry this freakin' thing?"
"The Shrink Ray!" Ivan exclaimed, as he pulled out his secret invention, and zapped the hookshot. It shrunk down small enough for Ganondorf to stick in his...uh...backpack? No...inventory! Yes, that's it. He put it into his inventory as they headed out of Dampe's grave.
"Hey, Ivan," Ganondorf started, thinking deeply. "If you could make a shrink ray...well then maybe you could make something that would make me back to my normal size! Right?"
"Weeell..I dunno," Ivan comtemplated. "I don't normally take requests..."
"IVAN!" Ganondorf screamed.
"Beg," Ivan said coldly. Ganondorf got onto the ground on his knees and groveled before the fairy, who was grinning widely.
"I guess I could work on it when we have spare time," Ivan agreed. "But there's no telling how long it will take to finish.."
"I DON'T CARE!" Ganondorf shouted, as he leaped to his feet. "Anything to change me back!" He started doing a Charlie Brown dance in victory, and exclaimed things like, 'Go Ganon!' and 'Woo-hoo!' and, well you get the idea.
"Well, we better get moving," Ivan said promptly, desperate to stop Ganondorf from doing the dance. They headed out of the exit, to find themselves inside the windmill.
"GAH!" Ganondorf shrieked as he jumped into Ivan's...arms? Yeah, he has arms. INVISIBLE arms. "I'm terrified of heights."
Ivan roughly shoved Ganondorf off the platform as he toppled to the ground right in front of the weird guy who plays the Song of Storms.
"Oof!" Ganondorf moaned in pain as he got up from the ground. "Oww.."
"'ELLO!" the windmill guy shouted. "HEY! YOU'RE THAT PIPSQUEAK WHO SCREWED THE WINDMILL!"
"What? No that was Link and he-" Ganondorf started, until he realized that the man was raising his foot into the air. "Wait! You're not going to...AHH!" He sprinted out of the way at the last second before the crazy guy brought his foot down onto the ground.
"Ivan! C'mon!" Ganondorf yelled, as they both ran out of the windmill.
"Hooligans! Rascals!" came the faint screaming of the windmill guy.
"Why does everyone keep calling us that?" Ganondorf asked.
"I dunno," Ivan answered. "Weird, huh."
"Well, where do we go now?" Ganondorf inquired.
"Uhh.." Ivan pulled out the player's guide. "We're supposed to go to the Lost Woods, and then the Sacred Forest Meadow."
"Sweet!" Ganondorf exclaimed, and pointed a finger in the direction of Kokiri Forest. "Sacred Forest Meadow or bust!"
End Chapter Eight
Pretty short chapter..but at least I updated! Woo-hoo!
Ivan: Cheapstake.
Shut up. Thanks for reading...a review wouldn't hurt either!
