CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE
A/N: sorry this took a while, brain fog's been particularly bad lately. It's a longer chapter tho so hopefully that makes up for it some :)
[Trigger warning: reference to child abuse]
"Ha yu."
"Ha you," Murphy repeated.
Simple enough. And here I was thinking this Trigedasleng shit would be hard.
But then again I am brilliant.
"That's 'how are you?'" Luna informed him, lifting one of the fish fillets off the board.
Murphy wrinkled his nose. He didn't know how it was possible but the smell seemed to have risen to even greater heights of vomit-inducing. He was never letting Raven and Luna pick what they were having for dinner again. The two of them were going to have to find something else to do on their little dates.
When Luna had enlisted his help in 'scaling', 'gutting' and 'de-boning' the little fuckers, he'd nearly thrown his knife at her.
"Yu laik meizen."
"Yoo like masen."
"Meizen."
"Mazen."
"Very good."
He shifted under the praise, sneering slightly. "You better not be getting me to say I smell like ass."
Or fish - which he now realized would be an even worse insult.
"I'd never do that." The way Luna's eyes danced, though, left him somewhat in doubt. "It means 'you're beautiful'. When you say it to someone, you're not just referring to their appearance but everything they are. It's one of the highest compliments you can give a person."
The look Luna sent him held a lot of meaning and absolutely no subtlety. Murphy didn't have to guess why she was teaching him this particular phrase.
He wasn't the only one who liked to tinker around in people's relationships, apparently. Though her reasons were probably far more altruistic than his.
"What's the highest?"
Might as well go for home base.
"For my people? Being called strong." Luna shrugged. "But beauty requires its own kind of strength. It's hard to be beautiful in a world like this, or to hold onto what beauty you have. Not everyone who's strong is beautiful. But everyone who is beautiful is strong, in their own way."
Murphy withheld a sigh. It seemed it was impossible for this woman not to come out with the deep and meaningful answers. Leaving it at 'strong' would have been more than enough. He wasn't looking for a philosophy lesson.
"Alright, this one?" Murphy waved a carrot in the air, lest she delve even further into the complexities of beauty.
(he did decide to file 'yoo like mazen' away to give to Raven at a later date, though. Since apparently it was what got Luna hot.
Emori, on the other hand, would probably laugh in his face if he used that line on her)
"Bonifu." Luna turned on the tap and began rinsing one fillet under the water. Not for the first time, he was glad she'd volunteered to take over fish duties whilst he worked on the vegetables.
There was slime on her arm.
"Boneefoo."
She nodded, eyes focused on her work. "Yu gaf fis fyucha op?"
Well, that was a mouthful.
"Yoo gaf eesfy oochar awp."
"Yu gaf fis fyucha op?"
"Yoo gaf fees fuoocha op."
"Good."
"And that means?"
Please let it be take off your shirt. . .
Luna only smiled to herself, patting the fish dry. "You'll see."
Murphy shrugged, moving on. Despite his earlier remark, he trusted her not to lead him astray.
It was Luna after all.
He held up the knife in his hand, the one he'd considered throwing at her earlier. "This?"
"Swiss." Luna tapped the piece of fish on the table. "This?"
Easy. It was the second word she'd taught him. After laneek. Lanic? Whatever, the sea.
(no surprise there)
"Swima."
She smiled. "Very good. Emori will be impressed."
Murphy snorted, returning to his chopping. "You don't know Emori. It takes a lot to impress her."
"Then you must be a lot."
With anyone else, he would have thought they were being snide. He might have preferred it that way. But the warmth in Luna's eyes was genuine and he kind of hated it.
No wonder Raven always looked so frazzled after spending any time with her. Girl had a suitcase of self-esteem issues to rival his own. Luna probably opened that suitcase and hugged every article of clothing on a daily basis.
Murphy shuddered at the thought.
He was brought out of that nightmarish imagining by an irritating little hum in his ear.
Great. He had not signed on for a backing track to their little cooking session.
Murphy pursed his lips, endeavoring to ignore it, but the sound grated at his nerves - which always seemed extra raw these days. "You're humming."
Very loudly.
Luna paused, hand hovering over the tap. There was a momentary look of confusion on her face, as if she hadn't realized the fact herself, but then she shrugged, switching the tap back on. "Habit. All the duties were shared in Floukru so there'd often be a lot of us cooking together at one time. We'd sing as we worked." She ran the second fish under the water. "It helped pass the time. If it bothers you, though, I'll stop."
Well, now he felt like an ass.
He hated feeling like an ass.
(even if it was his natural state)
"It's fine." Scowling, Murphy took a stab at his carrot. "We did the same thing up on the Ark." In the Sky Box, anyway. Murphy had never really joined in, but he'd certainly heard the caterwauls. Unfortunately.
Luna looked at him in interest. "Care to share?"
Fuck no.
"Not sure you'd take to them. Lot of swearing."
She raised an eyebrow, amusement coloring her gaze. "Do I look like I offend easily?"
"Well, if we're being honest. . ."
Her cheeks rose. "Words are just words - and I love all of them."
"That may be true but I've still never heard you swear."
Much to his disappointment. Murphy had a feeling it would be hilarious. Like watching a cat bark.
"I'll admit, there are some I use less than others. . ."
"Mm-hmm. I get it, they're not 'beautiful' enough for you. "
She grinned. "Do you have something against beauty, John?"
"Just never really saw the point in it."
Beauty couldn't keep you alive. Couldn't protect you against all the shit in the world. Sure as fuck couldn't heal a sick kid.
It was. . . what was that word?
Superfluous.
Beauty was fucking superfluous.
"Something doesn't need to have a point in order to possess value. Some of the most valuable things in the world have no point at all. That doesn't make them any less worthy of existence." Murphy very barely managed not to roll his eyes. It felt like a scolding one might give to an amusing but highly mistaken child. Unbeknownst to Luna, he was immune to scolding of any kind. "But I disagree with you. I think it does have a point."
"And that is?"
"To break up the darkness." Oh God, he was in for another deep and meaningful. Why did he even open his mouth? Silence around Luna was truly key. Unless he was interrogating her about any feelings she may or may not have for a certain mechanic. "To notice beauty, you have to stop and appreciate it. Absorb it. It's hard to focus on the darkness when you do that. To even remember it exists."
She should write poetry. Or a self-help book.
Preferably somewhere far, far away from him.
"Yeah, well, like I said: the darkness can kiss my ass. And I don't need beauty or anything else to invite it to do so."
Luna only smiled, returning to her smelly fish-washing. No doubt something she also considered beautiful.
The humming started again.
Murphy rolled his eyes but didn't comment this time.
Thankfully, it didn't last long.
"Did you know Raven up on the Ark?"
He paused in the process of dicing a particularly stubborn clove of garlic. Now, this could get interesting. "Little bit. Not well. She wasn't in the Sky Box with the rest of us less fortunates."
Lucky her.
"Sky Box?"
"Jail."
Luna grimaced. "Right. She told me Skaikru could be. . . overzealous when it came to imprisoning people."
Overzealous?
He snorted. "That's one way of putting it. But before then, I used to see her around. Or when she came to visit Finn. Her ex," he added for Luna's benefit. "Charming fellow. Really did a number on her from what I can tell."
Because that was one can of worms Raven clearly needed to work through and if anyone could get her to open it up and take a gander, his money was on Luna.
There was a gleam of interest in the Grounder's eyes but, to his disappointment, she didn't pick up the bait. Apparently she respected Raven's privacy a lot more than him.
Murphy really needed to stop hanging around people with ethics.
They only sucked the fun out of life.
Luna returned her gaze to the fish, patting it dry. "Was she always so. . ."
"Infuriating?"
Luna sent him a look. "Intense."
"Noooo, I think infuriating's the word. Might add 'completely off her shit' for good measure." She pinched his elbow. Murphy yelped, more in surprise than anything. "Hey!"
"Be nice."
What kind of harebrained ill-conceived-
"Raven and I don't do nice."
"You're nice to me."
Good point. He should probably stop that. "Yeah, well, you compliment my cooking."
"Right." Luna's mouth twitched, a definite sign she wasn't buying it. Time to pull out the big guns.
"And Raven has a massive hard-on for you so of course she's tripping over herself to be nice."
And there it was. Out in the open.
Her brow furrowed. "Hard on?"
Or not.
Murphy considered his options. Was the momentary glee of witnessing Raven in her fury and humiliation worth the inevitable punch to the face?
Probably not.
His head was still recovering from whatever-the-fuck-that-thing-was she threw at him the other day.
Murphy sighed. "She thinks you're amazing."
Luna blinked a moment before her lips drew up into a surprised smile, eyes creasing at the edges. It was the softest expression he'd ever seen from her - and that was saying something.
Okay, yeah. This is better than getting punched.
He'd leave the two to continue on in their blind stumble towards each other for now. Frustrating though it may be to watch. At least it offered some entertainment.
And less broken noses.
"And in answer to your question, yeah. She was always this 'intense'. But the ground's certainly made her flourish."
Luna's mouth pinched. "She pushes herself too hard."
Well that he couldn't argue with. "It's what she does." And they'd probably all be dead otherwise. Murphy certainly wasn't going to complain.
Luna clearly didn't share his feelings on the matter, if her grip on that poor fish fillet was anything to go by.
He shrugged, scraping the diced garlic into a bowl. "But if you're wondering whether it's gotten worse. . . yep. By a mile."
Murphy hadn't forgotten the conversation he'd overheard between Abby and Raven, after that first seizure. How the mechanic's bullheadedness was likely going to end up killing her.
For some reason, he didn't much like the thought of that.
But maybe Luna could succeed in getting her to slow down if the rest of them couldn't. She seemed to be the only person Raven was inclined to listen to at the moment.
The power of lust.
Luna frowned, reaching for a few sprigs of rosemary. The lightness of before had vanished, her features darkening as she sprinkled the herbs over their fish.
Murphy wondered if she, too, was privy to what the consequences would be if Raven kept going as she was. Full steam ahead. No breaks. No seat belt. Just a thread of glass between her and total annihilation.
He didn't ask.
Couldn't risk it.
Murphy may be an ass but even he had his limits. That was one secret he wouldn't take away Raven's right to keep.
Not when he'd already taken so much else from her.
"So . . . does that song you were humming have any words?"
Luna smiled weakly but it was at least a departure from the melancholy. "It does. And it happens to be in English."
"Even better."
Maybe it would be less grating on his ears. Unlikely, but he had to hope.
Murphy held in a sigh. The things he did for women who could kick the shit out of him if they wanted to. And some of them did very much want to.
Luna, thankfully, was so far not among them.
Probably best to stay in her good books just to be sure, though. For his own self-preservation. Not because he cared or anything.
Purely self-serving.
Luna's smile gradually relaxed as she started to sing and Murphy wished that didn't bring him any relief.
I'm getting way too fucking soft.
Raven held up the ends of her hair skeptically as she made her way towards the kitchen. Despite having spent the majority of her shower picking out bits of debris, the mechanic still wasn't entirely confident that she was home-free.
Maybe she should get Luna to check later.
But that would involve the other woman's hands sifting through her hair, her face invading the little bubble of protection Raven kept around herself. . .
Yeah, no.
Her hair was fine.
Letting go of the strands, Raven poked her head into the kitchen, spying Murphy and the woman she was looking for over at the sink, still apparently hard at work - and deep in conversation.
"So, Luna. . . what do you look for in a woman? Or man, I don't judge." He tilted his head to the side. "Dark hair? Infuriatingly stubborn personality? No self-preservation instincts whatsoever?"
Oh, hell no!
Raven burst into the room. "Seriously, Murphy? We're trying to save humanity, not run a dating service."
"Just making conversation."
And smirking up a storm whilst he was at it.
She glared.
Luna, for her part, appeared befuddled by the whole affair. Poor thing. Clearly, it was a mistake to leave the two of them alone together. Ever.
"Raven, for instance," Murphy continued, as if there'd been no interruption, "prefers pacifists." The mechanic's eyes widened. "Or at least people who claim to be before they go and-"
"Murphy!" What the hell? Was he trying to get punched? "Seriously?"
"Right, sore subject." He didn't look at all apologetic for the fact, though. Sometimes Raven swore he'd come out of the womb missing a sensitivity gene.
He mouthed something at Luna in an exaggerated fashion, expression loaded with far too much meaning.
Raven squinted. T-Rex?
Were they having a secret conversation about dinosaurs or something?
The other woman's eyes filled with understanding - and a faint note of disapproval, which she directed back at Murphy.
Did Luna not like dinosaurs?
Okay, this was just getting ridiculous.
Raven huffed. "Is dinner ready yet?" Because she was ten seconds away from dragging Murphy out by the ear - and she would not be gentle about it.
Luna tried for a smile to smooth over the awkwardness, didn't quite manage. "Ten more minutes."
Great.
"Anything you need help with?" No way she was leaving the two of them alone for that long. With her luck, she'd come back to find Murphy had set them up on a blind date!
"No, everything's mostly done. But Abby's still in the lab, someone should go get her."
Double-great.
Well, that backfired quickly.
Luna didn't miss her reluctance. "I can go do it. John can keep an eye on dinner."
A far more preferable outcome.
Except now, Raven was noticing the slight sag to Luna's shoulders, the way her eyes seemed a little less bright. It had been a long day and she hadn't forgotten what the other woman had told her about the current state of her health.
Plus, it was fucking freezing outside and she'd caught a few stray shivers on Luna's end, despite being within the heated walls of the mansion.
Murphy, of course, didn't offer up his services. Lazy ass.
Ignoring the persistent ache in her hip, Raven forced a smile. "Nah, I'll do it. I've been wanting to talk to Abby about something anyway."
That was putting it lightly.
Very lightly.
She turned to go-
"Raven?"
Halted.
Luna's lips peeked up. "You smell much nicer now."
She rolled her eyes to hide the zappity zip zap her heart had just produced and stomped off. "Very funny."
Like Luna could even smell her from all the way over there.
The airy chuckle behind Raven helped her to ignore the smirk that had plastered itself across Murphy's face at the comment.
He was loving this far too much.
Way too fucking much.
She felt slightly better, though, when she heard Luna's next words. "So. . . this Sky Box you mentioned, how long were you in there for? I can imagine that must have been a very difficult time in your life, John. . ."
Oh yeah, he was in for some Luna-therapy.
Couldn't happen to a more deserving person.
Raven stepped through the doors to the lab, staring for a moment at the doctor bent over her microscope, having fallen victim to sleep at some point.
She almost didn't want to wake her.
Almost.
She and Abby needed to have a talk.
Raven tapped lightly on the wall and the doctor flinched, snapping awake with a snort.
A smile crooked her lips a moment. "Fall asleep for a second there, Doc?"
Abby smiled thinly, rubbing at her face with a sigh. "So it would seem." Recovering, she turned to Raven. "Was there something you needed?"
Because that was what their friendship had dwindled down to now. Conversations sparked by necessity. It wasn't intentional on either of their parts. At least, Raven didn't think so. They were just both so fucking busy and consumed by their own little missions and anxieties.
It hardly left time for pleasantries.
(still find time for daily strolls with Luna though, don't you?)
And, okay, things had been a little tense between them ever since the incident with the antiradiation meds. She knew Abby had lost some respect for her that day and Raven. . .
Well, Raven was a little hurt that she'd lost that respect. That she hadn't understood.
Hadn't understood just how much it had cost Raven to be the one to deny her those pills. To sentence a child to death.
And maybe a part of her resented Abby for forcing her to be the rational one. The responsible one. She was the doctor. She knew better than Raven just how useless those pills really were. But she'd begged for them anyway.
And made Raven draw the line.
And it hurt because. . .
Because that was exactly the kind of thing her mother would have done. Forcing her to be the adult in a situation. Make the tough decision. Deny her what she wanted because they couldn't afford for her to have it.
How many times had Raven denied her pleading, sobbing mother their rations because she knew the woman would only use them on booze anyway? How many times had she had insults hurled at her for the effort?
What happened with Abby wasn't the same. Not by any stroke.
But what Raven had felt in that moment, what she still felt lingering between them now. . .
That was sickeningly familiar.
Even if the meds had worked - which she'd known they wouldn't - what would have been the point?
What was the point in saving a kid when they knew they'd only be tossing her back out onto death's door once the deathwave came? At that moment in time, they'd had no idea that nightblood could save them. Only that they had a limited number of spots inside the Ark - and none of them would be open to any Grounders.
Raven hadn't seen the point in even attempting to save someone who would be dead in a matter of weeks regardless.
She wondered if Luna would have.
Probably.
Most definitely.
And not just because it was Adria.
But Abby?
Abby had participated in the culling on the Ark. Had turned her own husband in and allowed her daughter to be locked up and later sent down to almost certain death.
Where the fuck did Abby get off judging her?
Luna could judge her. Raven wanted Luna to judge her. To hold her accountable for what she'd done. Obeying the cold laws of rationality when it was a child's life on the line.
But Abby?
Abby didn't get to fucking judge her.
Not for that.
Not for doing what she had to when Abby wouldn't.
Refused to.
('You tell yourself that if you need to, but the radiation isn't killing that child. You are.')
The words had stung. In the same way her mother's used to.
Worse.
Because they'd come from Abby.
But Raven hadn't come here to talk about that. Would probably never talk about that. To do so would be to rip open a wound she'd displayed to no-one except Finn.
Let it go.
Raven crossed her arms. "Luna's still sick from the radiation."
Abby blinked in confusion at the statement, clearly striving to catch up to a conversation she hadn't realized they'd be having. "She's still recovering, yes, if that's what you mean."
"Why is she still recovering? I thought this nightblood shit was supposed to fix her. Fix us."
That was its whole selling point, after all.
The doctor looked at her much in the same way as Raven would look at someone after they'd just said something incredibly stupid about mechanics - an all too common occurrence. It kind of sucked being on the receiving end.
"Her blood finally succeeding in metabolizing the radiation didn't magically undo all the damage it caused when it was still in her system. The human body doesn't work like that."
Raven tensed. "What kind of damage?"
Abby hesitated and settled more comfortably into her seat. She looked like she still needed about twenty-four hours more sleep. Raven pushed down the sliver of guilt that rose for waking her.
None of them were getting any sleep.
"When Luna and her clan arrived, they were in the advanced stages of Hematopoietic and Gastrointestinal syndrome. On the Ark, we would have had more methods available to treat them - possibly even cure them - but down here we only had the antiradiation meds. . ."
Raven shifted. "Your point?"
"Luna was very sick. Her organs were shutting down and she was experiencing bone marrow failure."
Raven tightened her arms around herself. "But that's not the case now."
"No. She's doing very well. Amazingly well, in fact. But her organs and bone marrow are still recovering. I expect they'll continue to do so for some time. And that makes what we're doing here more difficult. She still has radiation-acquired aplastic anemia, even if it's no longer as severe, and iron deficiency anemia from the gastric bleeding." Raven's stomach turned. She hadn't known the details of what Luna's body had endured. Hadn't wanted to. "And. . . taking any of her blood right now isn't helping her heal."
"Okay, so it's not working to her benefit. But is it making her worse?"
Abby pursed her lips. "Not dangerously so."
Raven stared at her in disbelief. "Abby-"
"The problem is that we're taking more blood than we should, even with a healthy patient."
What the fuck?
"Then stop."
"We can't and you know it." Raven wilted under the force of her glare and Abby sighed, rubbing her head. "I want to stop, Raven. Believe me, I do. But I can't. Not yet. At the moment, Luna's life isn't at risk. Just her health."
"And if that changes?" Raven was ten seconds away from grabbing Luna and dashing to the boat. Well, okay it would be more of a mad stumble but the option stood.
Abby looked shocked by the question. "Then we'll stop. Of course we'll stop. I'm a doctor, Raven. I'd never endanger a patient's life."
"Not even to save all humanity?"
She pursed her lips, was silent. "I took an oath."
Raven eyed her, trying to judge the doctor's sincerity. Decided it was as good as she was going to get. "Okay."
"We're monitoring her levels closely. Very closely. If there's a drastic dip we'll see it and stop immediately. She's not in danger. She also doesn't need you to fight her battles for her. Luna's well aware of the risks. I've discussed them with her already."
"You have?"
Knowing that Luna had agreed to this shit was somehow worse than if she'd been kept in the dark.
"Yes. On our second day here. When we first started."
So after they'd gotten Luna to the island and confirmed that she wasn't going to run away. Not before. Not back in Arkadia, when things were still up in the air. "Right."
Abby fixed her with a look and although it was firm, there was a shadow of hurt there. "I do value informed consent, Raven."
"I know."
Darkly, she wondered how long that would hold out.
There was also the question of whether or not Abby had bothered to explain what all of this shit really meant. Raven didn't even know what half of the fucking conditions she'd listed were, let alone understand them. How the hell was Luna supposed to? She was coming from a whole other system of medical terms and knowledge. And, what, she was just somehow supposed to match it all up to whatever Abby laid down? Raven sure as fuck wouldn't be able to if their roles were reversed. She didn't even know what the Grounder word for flu was.
Just throwing a bunch of obscure terms at her probably wasn't going to achieve much in the way of a warning.
Though, she admitted to herself that Luna probably would dismiss such a warning even if she did understand its full meaning.
She wasn't a martyr. Raven had seen her stand up for her rights, put her own well-being first. She wasn't about to throw herself off a cliff for their sakes, which was a comfort. But Raven also got the sense that when Luna committed to something, she really committed to it.
And that she wasn't particularly concerned with her own health right now. Or her life.
Not that Raven could talk. She could give Luna a run for her money in that arena.
Still didn't mean she had to like it.
Oh well, Raven was just going to have to care enough for her.
"This anemia shit, isn't there some way you can treat it?"
"Normally, yes. If we had the supplies."
Raven glanced around them in disbelief. "We're in Becca's lab! Surely there's something here."
"There is. She has growth factors which would have helped Luna's bone marrow recover faster. Unfortunately, things tend to expire after a century or so."
Fucking nuclear Apocalypse. It really was the root cause of all her problems.
"What about back at Arkadia?"
"It's the same problem," Abby sighed. "Growth factors don't last long. What little we had expired after hitting the ground. And as for iron supplements. . . well, we used up our supply of those years ago after we ran out of the necessary ingredients on the Ark."
"So make more."
Did she have to think of everything?
Abby sighed, massaging the center of her brow. Raven got the sense that she was fast becoming an unwelcome irritant. Well, good. "I'm not a chemist, Raven. I was never trained in that. I didn't have to be. That was always somebody else's job."
"Fine. Let's get them."
Simple enough. Sure, the extra boat trips would set them back a bit but. . .
"His living quarters were on Orchid Station."
Raven closed her eyes. Of course it would be one of the stations that hadn't survived the drop to earth. "You're kidding?"
"I wish I was." Abby's expression was one of pained exhaustion - and resignation. "You have no idea how difficult it's been to take care of everyone with our limited supplies. The resources we got from Mount Weather helped some but we lost a lot of it in the explosion."
Fucking Azgeda.
Raven huffed, turning away. She paced back and forth for a moment, running through their options. There weren't any.
Their luck was shit.
"So what you're saying is the universe is working against us?"
Abby smiled thinly. "That certainly seems to be the case."
Great, that was just great.
"What about the white blood cell thing, how long will it take for that to get better?"
Can't solve one problem, move on to the next.
"It's hard to say. Her neutrophils should recover first, probably before Praimfaya arrives, but her lymphocytes will take longer. If I'm to judge from looking at immune system recovery in other patients - which isn't at all accurate given I've never had a patient in this situation - I'd say months for some cells and years for others."
Years?
"Meaning?"
"Meaning that she's going to be vulnerable to infection for some time."
Great. Fucking great.
"So, what, do we put her in a bubble? Like that guy in that movie." She'd seen bits and pieces of it on the Ark. Didn't think Luna would appreciate running around in an oversized hamster ball.
Abby leveled her with a look. "No. She just needs to be careful. Luna's white cell count is low but it's not that low."
No hamster ball then. Luna would be thrilled.
"Are you doing anything to help her?"
Because it sure as fuck didn't seem like it.
"Of course. I've prescribed her four-hundred milligrams of fluconazole daily until her neutrophil count rises to a satisfactory level. Which it will," Abby added, with a pointed look. "It's a precautionary method but a necessary one. The last thing we want is for her to contract a fungal infection."
Raven's brow furrowed. "What's so bad about that? I mean, besides being annoying as hell."
She'd gotten one a couple of times as a kid - kind of a right of passage on her station, no doubt due to the overcrowding and having to rely on communal showers - and it had been itchy and gross as hell, but hardly a cause for alarm.
Abby sighed. "Systemic fungal infections can be fatal." She hesitated. "That was the cause of death for two of her clan members."
"Shit."
Kidnapping Luna off the island probably wasn't going to do anything to protect against that. Ironically, the safest place for her right now was probably closest to Abby.
Raven turned away, trying to find something else in the lab to look at, to focus on.
Luna was fine. A little tired, a little pale. But fine.
Nothing was going to happen to her.
She was safe as houses compared to the rest of them.
She'd be fine.
Abby continued, oblivious to her rising anxiety. "So far the fluconazole seems to have done her well. She's shown no signs of infection. But it would help if I didn't have to hunt her down every day to take it."
Raven snorted. "Not the best patient?"
"Not in the least." Abby pursed her lips. "I'm not sure she understands the necessity of it. Or the severity of the situation."
Or she just doesn't care.
"It doesn't help that stress lowers the body's lymphocytes and Luna can't afford to lose any more at the moment."
"Good thing she's a meditation-aholic then."
The humor fell flat.
Everything felt flat.
But Abby tilted her head, considering. "Mm. Actually, you're right. I'd be prescribing daily meditation anyway if Luna didn't already have it taken care of."
Still, Raven wasn't exactly sure how meditation was supposed to stand up against losing everyone you'd ever loved and being proclaimed the messiah of the human race all in a couple of months.
That was a hell of a lot of stress to contend with.
Abby shook herself. "It's not ideal, I know. But none of this is. The important thing is that Luna's getting better. There were still traces of radiation in her blood shortly before we came to the island. But now that it's completely gone from her system, her cells have been better able to start their recovery. She will be fine. It's just going to take time."
Time.
Time was the one thing they didn't have.
Raven ran a finger over the table. "Will there be any permanent damage? From the radiation."
Abby hesitated. "I can't say for certain. We don't know how the original nightbloods handled exposure to high radiation levels - whether it had a long-term impact on morbidity or survival. All we know is that enough of them were able to reproduce in order for nightblood to still exist in the gene pool today. But that doesn't tell us anything about their overall health or longevity."
It wasn't what Raven had hoped to hear.
"So even if we succeed in making nightblood, it might not save us?"
She told herself that was what she was most concerned with, and not the woman who was currently holding Murphy hostage in a cooking lesson turned therapy session - no doubt much to his dismay.
(Luna certainly knew how to seize an opportunity)
Abby shook her head. "No, it will save us. It's only the extent of the protection it will provide that's in question." She sighed. "But as I told Luna, it's all just hypothetical. I could very well be catastrophizing over something that isn't even a possibility. Luna is recovering well considering the circumstances, and that's a good sign. For all of us. I'm just considering all bases."
Raven couldn't help her next words, the bite to her tone. "Yeah, well, taking her blood isn't helping in that recovery all that much, is it?"
Wasn't sure if all her anger was entirely for Luna's sake.
That her unresolved feelings over what had happened with Abby weren't threading through some of that anger, sharpening it.
The doctor sighed. "Raven. . ."
"I know. It needs to be done. Luna knows that too." Didn't mean Raven had to like it. For all the effort she'd put into convincing the other woman to stay, the success of that endeavor was making her increasingly nauseous. She wished there was a way to save everyone that didn't require harming Luna in the process - physically or emotionally.
But she hadn't lied that day they went for their first walk. If Luna woke up tomorrow deciding that she'd had enough, that she wanted to get the fuck off this shitty island, then Raven wouldn't stand in her way. Not again.
But hell if she was going to disclose that little fact to Abby.
She was a doctor. She cared about people. Wanted to save them.
But she'd also proved herself willing to sacrifice both her husband and her daughter in order to do so.
Raven wouldn't forget that.
Not when there was this much at stake.
She didn't know when or how exactly but at some point, Luna had become one of her people. Part of the select few Raven would fight tooth and nail to protect.
Abby was one of those people too, so it would be really nice if she didn't end up becoming someone Raven had to protect Luna from.
"Will you be stopping soon? For a while, anyway. You know, since the rocket is no longer a go." It went against every stubborn iota of her being to admit that - because if Raven had her way, it was most definitely going to be a go sooner or later - but for Luna's sake she could.
For Luna's sake she could admit that she might just not be able to pull off a miracle.
Might not be able to save them.
"Yes. We have enough samples for now." Abby hesitated, though, a shadow in her expression hinting that she was holding back. Keeping Raven in the dark about something. Hell if she knew what. "Her body needs the break anyway."
I'll bet.
Luna's body probably needed a vacation on a tropical island. Raven's too, come to think of it.
If they survived Praimfaya maybe they could pencil that in.
You know, if her brain didn't kill her first.
Abby sighed, looking back down to her tablet. "She'll be fine, Raven. A lot more fine than the rest of us, at any rate."
Depended on your definition of fine.
"So this is what we've got to look forward to, huh? If the whole nightblood thing works."
Didn't exactly paint a rosy picture.
Another sigh.
Raven could tell she was pushing Abby past the point of all patience. Didn't really care.
It was something she'd done all the time with her mum. So often she'd almost stopped feeling the sting of skin on skin, when it finally came.
Abby had only slapped her once.
Somehow it had hurt more than a dozen of her mother's blows put together. Because she hadn't expected it.
But that was Raven's fault for trusting her to be different. Better. For daring to think that she could have love without the pain that went along with it.
(Finn should have more than driven that lesson home already)
Abby kept her eyes focused on the tablet. "I suppose so. But only temporarily."
"Except you don't actually know that. You don't know anything for sure."
The tablet smacked against the table as she looked up.
Raven didn't flinch back.
"I know that nightblood will make it possible for us to survive Praimfaya. That's all that matters."
Maybe to you.
(would Abby have put down the gun that day on the dock? Would she have let Luna walk away?)
Raven clenched her jaw, deliberated on whether she wanted to push this any further.
Ultimately decided that she'd had enough. They both had.
"Dinner's ready."
Raven didn't wait for a response, feeling the tension clasping her spine as she walked away.
All she wanted now was to find Luna and breathe in some of her calm. Cos hell if she didn't need a tank full of it right now.
Abby watched her friend leave with pursed lips. The conversation had been a particularly unpleasant thing to wake up to and she hadn't expected that level of accusation from Raven. Though, the mechanic had always been the most willing to speak her mind. And Abby could admit that her concern was far from unwarranted.
The state of Luna's health was, well. . .
It could take years to fully recover from organ failure - and some people never did. Luna's blood could only help her so far in that regard. Whilst she would no longer endure any further damage, the damage had still been done.
Perhaps if she'd come to Arkadia sooner and they'd actually been in possession of the tools and medication necessary to treat radiation poisoning, that damage would not have extended so far - might even have been delayed until her blood had time to metabolize the radiation.
Becca had some of the equipment - if not the medication - here that could be used to manage the symptoms of ARS. That might prove beneficial to the rest of them in the future. They wouldn't be able to help everyone, but those in the highest positions of responsibility - with the most to do - could be aided, at least partly. She'd discuss it with Clarke. Make a log of everything they had and how it could best be put to use.
Abby frowned, looking one last time over the readings from Luna's most recent blood draw, the numbers doing little to ease the tension in her temples.
The ARS had caused lymphopenia, thrombocytopenia, anemia, and neutropenia. All of which had persisted even after Luna's blood had managed to metabolize the radiation - something not altogether unsurprising. It would take time for her body to repair the damage that had been done and for her cells to return to normal. But that was little help right now when Abby had a patient who was at high risk of excessive bleeding and infection - and thus the poorest candidate she had ever seen for donating blood. In any quantity.
Still, in spite of this, Luna appeared to be fairing well.
True, there'd been some minor issues of increased bleeding after blood draws and her wound repair was less than optimal but so far she seemed to be coming through as good as could be expected. Most importantly there'd been no signs of infection, thank God.
Luna would be fine.
But the new plan of attack Abby had been toying with ever since they'd lost the barrel carried far more risk than a simple blood draw. For a healthy patient, she wouldn't bat an eye at performing the procedure but for one whose health was currently as compromised as Luna's. . .
If it was only her own life on the line, Abby wouldn't even be considering it now. But it wasn't. It was everyone's. It was Clarke's. And there was no other option.
She'd crossed larger lines on the Ark, lines that had cut into her soul, creating wounds that would never truly heal.
This line was much thinner, barely a speck in comparison.
Crossing it was unpalatable but Abby knew it wouldn't mark her for life like the other ones had. Wouldn't leave her with nightmares that never truly faded.
She would take every precaution to ensure Luna's safety. Whilst there was risk, that risk was small. She'd performed bone marrow extractions in the past, Abby knew her way around them, how to proceed with the utmost care. Luna would be in good hands.
It would prolong her recovery, likely leave her feeling extremely unwell, but that was a small price to pay if it saved the lives of hundreds, possibly thousands of people. Something she suspected the other woman would agree with.
Abby would volunteer to do it herself if only she could. If only she had the blood.
But she didn't.
That cross was Luna's to bear and there was nothing they could do about it.
This was what they could do. What Abby could do.
This was her cross to bear.
Now she just had to introduce Luna to the idea and (hopefully) gain her consent. But not yet. It would be best to give her blood count a little more time to recover.
Abby just didn't know how much time they could afford to grant.
A/N:
So I am gonna preface this by saying that I am not a doctor or a scientist - I just research a lot - so take any medical information you see in my fics with a grain of salt. Hell, I didn't even take biology in school.
We know from canon that they were taking more blood from Luna than they should. And she should not have been looking that pale and sickly in 4x8 just from a bone marrow extraction. Anemia is also a complication of ARS. So I think, with all these factors combined, it's fairly plausible that Luna would have been anemic during this time and the fact that she was looking like that in 4x08 suggests that they weren't able to correct this with iron supplementation/blood transfusions/bone marrow stimulants. Either because they didn't care enough to do so or because it wasn't possible. I've decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and gone with the latter.
I also just think that the writers' decision to make it so that people do get sick from radiation - and like, really sick, judging from Luna's symptoms and the state of her skin - instead of just having the nightblood instantly metabolize it has some interesting ramifications. Which, you know, obviously weren't explored on the show but this is fanfic so I can do what I want.
It's also just self-indulgent on my part because it leads to more plot bunnies and scene ideas.
We've got two more chapters left of this day and then we're finally onto the next day.
I swear the day Luna and Raven went fishing was only supposed to be like three chapters long lol
