A/N: so I don't particularly like this chapter but here we are. I like the next one better and it shouldn't be quite as long a wait before I post it since I only have two more proofreads left.
Luna ran her hand over the boy's head, feeling the dark auburn curls for the last time. There was a small braid above his ear, spun through with blue thread, and she knew who had weaved it. She had a matching one in her own hair - thicker, yes, but just the same. Adria loved to play with hair. "I'm sorry."
Once the sickness had returned to him, Reed hadn't lasted long. A day. And then his breathing had failed. The wheezes had echoed in her ears for hours before the last breath crackled free.
Clenching her jaw, Luna finished wrapping the blanket around him, sealing his face away. The sound of the waves beckoned her and, steeling herself, she lifted the far too light bundle into her arms, trying to ignore how rigid it had already become in death as she made her way to the edge of the platform. It was closest to the water's surface, the ladder relatively short in comparison to others. She would need that brevity now.
On unsteady feet, Luna made her way down, nearly losing her purchase several times.
She would not drop him.
The blood rushed from her head a moment as she reached the bottom, washing her in dizziness, before she bent over, reluctantly releasing her burden to the sea.
"From water you were born, to water you return."
Only far too soon.
The current carried Reed away, out into the dark, she felt a piece of her detach, float away with him.
Luna knew that this was only the beginning. That there would soon be more bodies to give to the sea. But how many? How many more would she have to do this for in the days to come?
How many more would she have the strength to?
"I've decided to never eat again," Luna grunted, collapsing back on the bed and cradling her stomach.
Raven watched as she breathed heavily, skin now a shade too pale and glistening with sweat - its earlier flush gone.
(and all her former grace along with it)
Raven grimaced sympathetically. "I'll join you in that."
Her stomach was still doing somersaults, despite the fact that she was fairly certain there was nothing left in it to somersault with.
Drama queen.
"At least we're not bleeding out of our eyes. That was zero fun," Raven muttered, scratching at her arm. At Luna's curious look, "little gift from your people after we first landed."
"Jus Skaikrasha." She winced. "I passed through a village that had fallen victim to it once. Most of the dead were children and elderly. It was terrible." She closed her eyes a moment, before returning her gaze to Raven. "I'm sorry."
"Not like it's your fault."
"Still," Luna's mouth lifted faintly, eyes sad, "I'm sorry."
Raven shrugged. "I mean, in their defense, we sort of kind of accidentally set one of their villages on fire."
A minor detail.
"I heard." Her expression was not amused. "Lexa told me." When the fuck had she spoken to Lexa? Wasn't Luna supposed to be in exile or something? "Your aim is impeccable, by the way. That village was sacred. Destroying it was not only an act of war, but considered to be a grave insult."
Of course the village was fucking sacred. That seemed right in line with their brand of luck. "What the hell makes a village sacred?"
"When a Commander is born there."
"Which Commander?"
Don't say it, don't say it. . .
Luna leveled her with a look.
"Shit. No wonder she was freaking pissed." Still didn't make Raven despise her any less. "Please tell me we didn't set Lexa's family on fire."
"No." Luna shook her head. "Her family was dead long before your people arrived here. But it certainly didn't do you any favors. It was another reason she was so harsh with you. Still, clemency might have been possible if you hadn't proved yourselves so set on war."
Wait, hold up. "What?"
That was not at all how Raven remembered things going down. What version of the story had Luna been fed? And who had fed it to her? Lincoln? Lexa?
Because. . . that would explain a lot.
"You invaded Coalition territory, burnt a sacred village to the ground, and captured one of their people for the purpose of torturing him."
Raven shifted.
How much exactly did Luna know about that? Was she aware that Raven had been one of those torturers? Had Lincoln told her? She'd never really thought twice about it. She'd done what she'd needed to do - or what she'd thought she'd needed to do - in order to save Finn's life.
That was all that mattered.
Only now. . . she felt the guilt start to creep in. And the shame. Suddenly, she hated the thought of Luna learning about what she'd done. Hated the possibility that she might come to think less of her for it. Shit.
Hands clenching, she struggled to focus on the sound of Luna's voice, the explanation that was still flowing freely from her lips.
It wasn't hard.
Focusing on Luna's voice was never hard.
"Even then, war might still have been avoided - if you hadn't fired the first shot."
Wait.
"We didn't."
They had. They'd speared Jasper through the chest, stabbed Finn, and killed more than a few of their people.
Talk about firing the first shot.
"You used a weapon of the Mountain to attack a parlay - injuring one of their leaders, and the Commander's mentor no less. In doing so, you proved you were both dangerous and determined for war. Retaliation was unavoidable after that point."
"But-"
Luna's face softened. "I'm just telling you the reasoning behind what happened. How it was seen from their side. I'm not saying it's right - war never is - only that this is what happened." Maybe. But they weren't the ones who'd gone around poisoning people. "Normally, with foreign and unknown invaders," funny how they'd thought of the Grounders in those same terms, "Lexa would have scoped out her enemy, initiated peace talks even if she had no intention of following through. Simply to understand what she was up against. That's what we were taught. But to do so after such acts of war - one of which was attacking the very place of her birth, insulting her - would have been seen as weak. She couldn't afford to grant you clemency. Not unless you first proved yourselves worthy of receiving it. Which you did."
"How?"
If she said when they'd sacrificed Finn-
Raven's hand clenched.
"When you killed three hundred of her warriors in battle," Luna said simply. "That proved you were strong and deserving of respect, if not mercy. Such enemies can be negotiated with. Especially since she had already retaliated against you - punishing you for your previous crimes."
Raven frowned, mind turning with the implications. "Lincoln didn't tell us any of this."
"Lincoln wasn't raised on politics. I was."
Good point.
She huffed, flopping back against her pillow. "I feel like I need a manual."
Luna's lips drew up. "I can write you one." The smile wilted slightly. "Though, I'm not sure how much use it will be to you in the future. Politics can't exist without people."
"We'll find a way to make nightblood." If Raven said it enough times, she might just start believing it. Or at least make Luna believe it.
Her feeble attempt at optimism gained no response.
Right. Moving on.
"So, oh wise one, was there any way we could have avoided a war?"
Not that it fucking mattered now. Not like knowing would bring back all the people they'd lost.
Bring back Finn.
Luna considered the question. "If you offered up the individuals responsible for attacking the village and the parlay - or those you claimed to be responsible - recompense would have been made and negotiations for peace could have been opened."
Raven grimaced. "So that's a no."
Or a yes. Wasn't that what they'd done with Finn?
By that point, his death had been deemed an acceptable sacrifice.
Raven hoped it wouldn't have been seen as acceptable all the way back then.
"That's a no." Luna smiled slightly, though, like she was pleased by her answer.
Which made sense. Raven supposed that someone who put so much value on individual life wouldn't approve of the whole 'sacrificing one to save the many' answer to everything. Raven didn't either. But she also. . .
Well, it was hard not to think about the people who had died because they hadn't found a way to avoid that war. Hard not to think it might have been better to sacrifice a few if it meant saving hundreds.
Except. . .
Finn.
Raven would never be okay with his sacrifice. Would never think it had been better. So how could she be okay with sacrificing anyone else?
She couldn't.
Knew she couldn't.
Not anymore.
She could never be the kind of person capable of making a decision like that.
Or. . . at least she hoped not.
God, she really fucking hoped not.
A/N:
The end part of the chapter is a little nod to what happens with the Eligius prisoners in s7
Jus Skaikrasha = the Blood Storm [mine], from the canon words for blood and storm
next time: Raven takes one for the team
