DILAN'S P.O.V.
Dilan blinked open her tired orange eyes as she heard scuffling in the darkness of the crawl space.
"Brother?" She whispered, upset and scared.
"Shh, it's okay little dil. It's only me." Her brothers warm voice rang through her ears and she relaxed immediately as her head was stroked and the blanket moved around her shoulders.
"W-where are you going?" She asked quietly.
"To get some food with the others. I'll be back soon, don't leave without me." He reminded. Dilan huffed. She was never allowed to leave.
"I want to come to!" She protested, sitting up straighter. Her brother chuckled warmly.
"Your too young, Dil. Maybe when your older. I'm your big brother remember, I'm a whole seven years older than you." He said kindly. Dilan sniffed. She wanted to be helpful now.
"I'm n-not that young. 5 is-isn't that young." She argued, on the verge of tears. She heard a sigh from her older sibling.
"Shh, don't cry okay. Come here." Her brother comforted, pulling her into a gentle hug and stroking her hair. Dilan let out a shaky sigh as she calmed down. "I believe in a few more years you will be very strong, and I promise you can come out and help me. But for now, can you do me a really big favour?" He asked.
"Y-yes."
"I need you to do the really important job of guarding our base. Can't let anyone find our secret hideout, can we?" He explained, the smile clear in his voice. Dilan bit her lip, guessing her brother was right.
"I can do that! I won't let you down, brother!" She agreed happily, hugging him tightly. Her brother chuckled.
"I know you won't, Dil. Be a good girl then and I'll be back soon." He said as Dilan heard a voice for him outside.
"Okay. Be careful." She smiled. Her brother ruffled her hair fondly before telling her to get some more sleep and slipping out of the crawl space, leaving her alone.
Dilan woke with a start, orange eyes darting around wildly for something, someone that she could never have again. Her heart clenched painfully, and tears dripped down her face as she covered her mouth to muffle the sobs. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Why did they have to take him? Why did these people have to take her brother away from her? It wasn't fair. He was the only thing she loved in this world. The only thing that mattered to her. With him gone. She was nothing. She was worth nothing. She had been worth nothing for a good 3 years now.
Dilan composed herself and gritted her teeth in anger. It was his fault. He had taken her brother away. He would pay for it. She never intended on making him pay but now she was here, she had to. She had to kill Erwin smith.
An hour later and she was showered, dressed, sitting in the mess hall with the squad. She had tried to eat an actual decent meal today since the expedition was likely to wear her out. Which is why she found it to be weird when she looked around and saw the rest of the squad, hell the rest of the mess hall, was barely managing a slice of bread. Apart from Levi who had tea, but he was always drinking tea so nothing new there. What's more the mess hall was deathly silent.
"Hey." She whispered to Brand who was sitting next to her. Brand looked up from his hands and gave her a forced, nervous smile.
"Yeah?"
"What's with everyone. Why aren't you eating anything?" She questioned, blinking in confusion. Brand sighed and opened his mouth to reply but Tabitha had apparently heard her as she got there first.
"It's expedition day, nothing you would understand underground girl." She scoffed quietly.
"Tabs lay off. There's no need to be mean because your nervous." Johnson scolded. Dilan still couldn't get her head around that one. There were times like this when he was genuinely nice to her then other times his behaviour was forced, and he asked her personal questions she did not want to answer. She wasn't sure how to feel around him and it was pissing her off. Tabitha sighed before looking up at her.
"Look. Expeditions bring back a lot. We've all lost someone out there, a lot of memories we want to forget. Every single person in here is scared shitless, no one can guarantee if today will be there last. Not even you underground girl. We have more important things to think about than eating." Tabitha explained sternly but not unkindly. Dilan nodded seriously and they all fell back into a silence. She could understand where Tabitha was coming from since she did understand, and she had lost someone out there. Sure, she didn't see it happen but that didn't prevent the nightmares. Imagining her brother dying over and over again in painful, excruciating ways that made her want to join him. But Tabitha was wrong. Dilan couldn't let this be her last day. She had something to do first before she joined her brother in the afterlife.
After breakfast the corps filed out into the stables. Dilan was quick to tack up her horse, feed him an apple before looking to see who else was done. She noticed Toby in the stall next to her trying to buckle the saddle but his fingers where shaking too much. Dilan stepped into the stall to help him but as she reached out Toby flinched back. she sighed, guessing just because they were more friendly with each other, she hadn't earnt their trusts yet. However, as soon as Toby realised what he did, he immediately looked regretful.
"I-I'm sorry Dil-" He tried in a shaky voice, but Dilan smiled reassuringly.
"Hey, it's alright. You're on edge, we all are. Let me help you." She offered and stepped closer to buckle up his horse. Toby sighed in relief and wiped some of the sweat off of his forehead while she finished with his horse.
"I'll never get used to expeditions. I never meant to join the corps; you know?" He made conversation and Dilan was interested.
"Why did you?" She asked, trying hard to keep the hatred for the corps out of her voice. Toby chuckled.
"Tabitha joined and suddenly the MP's seemed like the cowardly version." He admitted with a smile. Dilan smiled back.
"You two are close then?"
"Yeah, I guess. She's always been like a sister and I guess I joined to protect her. Doesn't change the fact that I am a coward anyway and she protects me, not the other way around." He sighed, looking at his feet in shame. Dilan finished tacking up the horse to turn to him, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I've seen cowards, Toby. I can say with 100% certainty, you are not one of them." She comforted. Toby cracked a smile.
"Thanks Dilan. You're really nice, I'm sorry we all misjudged you." He apologised. Dilan smiled and waved him off.
"It's cool. I misjudged you all at first too, so let's call it even yeah?" She compromised. Toby smiled and nodded, liking the idea. "Great! Let's go kick some titan ass!" She grinned and Toby laughed.
"Sure thing." He chuckled. Dilan nodded in approval, making a mental note. These guys may not be her friends and she may be using them, but they were good people. She would do her best to protect them today. Especially Toby. He was too sweet.
Dilan left Toby to retrieve her horse and they walked out of the stables together, meeting up with the rest of the squad. Levi was glaring at her as usual. What'd I do now?
"Okay. Our position in the squad is the centre left flank. There's a high possibility we will be running into titans today so be on your guard. However, remember this, our mission objective is a simple supply run. Avoid engaging if possible." Mike instructed and everyone nodded.
"Yes sir." The team replied.
"Good. Let's get moving then." He ordered and everyone mounted their horses. Dilan noticed Toby's hands were shaky again, so she gave him an encouraging smile and he calmed down a bit, managing to send her a weak smile back. Tabitha observed the reaction suspiciously. Dilan guessed the girl didn't know what to think of her kindness. Oh well, I wasn't doing it for any reason. She can think what she wants.
The ride there was relatively uneventful. The nervous tension was definitely in the air, but she paid no attention to it. She was too busy observing her surroundings. She had never seen such places before. The busy towns, the wide fields, the forests, the rivers, the farms. It was like every flick of the head gave her a new memory and her eyes were darting around wildly taking it all in. She couldn't wait to tell Mama P about her new discovery and that they were both wrong. Not that they could afford them, but eggs were hatched by chickens, not grown. The new realisation was oddly both disgusting and interesting.
They galloped through the gates of Shiganshina and Dilan noticed a lot of townspeople were waiting their arrival. She blinked at their scowling faces. What's their problem?
"If you haven't noticed, we're not the most popular regiment." Brand said, after noticing her confused face.
"Fucking survey corps, here they go again." She heard one of the crowd mumbled.
"Waste of taxes." Another sighed.
"How many do you think will die this time? Wanna make a bet? Maybe I can win back my money that the government wasted on this pointless trip." A man scoffed and Dilan felt an odd burst of protectiveness, watching the depressed faces of her squad mates. She was quick to locate the speaker of the voice and a growl burned in her throat. She was fully prepared to lash out before someone whacked her in the back of the head. She turned to glare at Levi. He glared right back.
"The fuck?!" She hissed. Levi rolled his eyes.
"You intimidating that man will solve nothing." He whispered harshly. Dilan scrunched up her nose, irked he had read her so easily.
"Maybe I'll just kill him then." She whispered back, her orange eyes sparkling with blood lust. Levi spared her a disgusted look.
"You kill him, I'll kill you. The survey corps will be sued, and it will all be for nothing." He hissed. Dilan rolled her eyes. Like she would ever actually kill him.
"Calm the fuck down. If I wanted to kill him, he'd be dead by now. It was simply a suggestion. Don't tell me if you had the chance and no repercussions, you wouldn't fuck some of these guys up and shut their mouths for good." She said in a sweet quiet tone, even if her words were poison. Levi glared.
"I wouldn't. I'm not a mass murderer, unlike others." He snapped back. Dilan let out a low humourless laugh.
"You don't have to be a mass murderer to want revenge. Look me in the eye and tell me you haven't ever thought about it. You haven't ever revelled in the idea of watching your worse enemy, the person who took everything from you, die by your hand in the most painful way imaginable." She said, looking at him expectedly. Levi grit his teeth and averted his eyes, so Dilan knew she had him. "I know I'm a bad person, I don't deny it but everyone evil deep down. Some are just stupid enough to repress it to the point where they don't know who they are anymore." She smirked wickedly.
"Shut up." Levi hissed and Dilan chuckled, knowing she'd gotten to him. Wow, she was having some good twin, evil twin moments today, wasn't she?
"SURVEY CORPS. TODAY IS THE 41ST RECON MISSION. MOVE OUT!" Erwin yelled from the front and the corps cried out their cheers as the gates were open and they galloped into the outside. Dilan gasped quietly as she saw it. It was amazing. So open... so free... everything the underground wasn't. She bit her lip to supress a smile as she looked up and breathed in the fresh air. Was this what freedom tasted like?
"Cool right?!" Johnson grinned, having to yell slightly over the wind. Dilan laughed and nodded. It most certainly was.
"SCOUTS, FAN INTO THE LONG-DISTANCE SCOUTING FORMATION!" Erwin's voice carried form somewhere and Dilan refocused as she followed Levi and Mike towards where she supposed must be the centre left flank. They sped up to get ahead of everyone, slowing down a bit as Mike ordered them to get into their own formation. Mike was at the front, Tabitha, Dilan and Toby in the middle, Brand and Johnson at the second line and Levi at the back, like the shape of a diamond. The only thing she didn't like was how she was the most protected. Toby or one of the others should be here. Although, last time she had voiced these concerns to Levi she got a sharp smack up the back of the head.
"Doing okay?" She questioned Toby, who looked a little pale. He took a deep breath and nodded.
"It's your first expedition, how are you so calm?" He asked. Because I don't care whether I live or die?
"Guess it hasn't kicked in yet." She decided to go with, and Toby nodded in understanding.
"TITAN, 10 O'CLOCK!" Brand shouted from the rear and Dilan snapped her head in that direction. She swallowed hard as she saw it. Big, fat, pink, ugly, easily reaching 10 meters. It had dirty brown hair and bulging eyes. What fazed Dilan the most was the wide crazy smile on its face, lips slick with fresh blood. Whose blood is that?
"TABITHA, BRAND, YOU TAKE OUT THE HEEL. TOBY AND JOHNSON, KEEP ITS ATTENTION. LEVI GO FOR THE KILL." Mike ordered, since there was no way to move around it without abandoning the formation.
"Sir!" They replied and rode towards the thing. Dilan suddenly snapped out of her trance and glared at the blondes back, catching up to him.
"Why wasn't I given orders!?" Dilan demanded. Mike spared her a glance.
"Watch. This is a good opportunity to learn. Take it." He instructed and Dilan scowled but didn't retort, turning her head in favour of watching the squad deal with the beast. Toby and Johnson rode up to the thing, yelling at it and gaining its attentions, pulling back as it swiped for them. Tabitha and Brand jumped off of their horses to hook into the side of the beast's legs and carve huge chunks out the heel which sent the monster to its knees. Dilan looked with a mild admiration as Levi got high in the air and drove his blades deep into the creature's nape, grappling to its shoulder as the thing burst into steam and fell to the floor. The team shared a collective cheer of relief before calling their horses and riding back to Mike and Dilan. Dilan couldn't help the grin on her face.
"That was great, you guys!" She praised, impressed. The others grinned back in thanks and even Tabitha looked a little less annoyed than usual.
"Well you haven't pissed yourself yet so you're doing well too." She teased; her tone slightly more jokey than harsh. Dilan laughed and rolled her eyes as they got back on the move.
They continued through the fields without many disturbances. Flares shot up in the sky every few minutes of different colours, making Mike redirect the course they were taking until they reached the forest. Everyone seemed tense to enter here. Dilan gathered this was not a good position in terms of visuals.
The horses slowed down from a gallop to a mild trot.
"Keep a look out." Mike ordered and everyone nodded. Dilan felt the hairs on the back of her neck stick up in anticipation. It was quiet, too quiet. She felt like it was only a matter of time. Her eyes flicked back and forth in the shrubbery but remained calm. She had dealt with worse than titans before. Panicking would help no one. Besides, she wasn't sure if she had the ability to panic when it came to her death. There were far worse things in this world than death.
"It's too quiet." Brand whispered, voicing her concerns. Tabitha turned to look at him.
"Stop complaining and-" She started before a giant creek erupted and a massive hand grabbed Tabitha out of nowhere, bringing out a shriek of terror in the girl.
"TABITHA!" Toby yelled in panic.
"SHIT! TABS!" Johnson and Brand yelled. Dilan didn't waste any time screaming. The girl was already inches away from the monster's mouth. This one was tall, at least 15 meters. Levi had jumped off of his horse and had already gone around the back, attempting to get to the nape but Dilan knew he wasn't going to make it. This girl was going to die unless she did something right now.
Fuck it. She thought as she leapt off her horse like a bullet and shot towards the creature's open mouth, ignoring the protests of her squad mates and the continued screaming of Tabitha of someone to help her. Gaining speed, Dilan didn't waste time going around the back of the head like Levi and took a breath before diving straight into the beast's mouth, pleased as it snapped the jaw shut like a steel trap, meaning Tabitha wasn't about to be bitten in half and was safe for the moment. She didn't slow herself down though and unsheathed her blades extending them in front of her and pushing herself into a spinning motion as she soared towards the back of the throat, slicing open the titan's nape from the inside and pushing her way out. She grimaced at the blood covering every inch of her and caught eyes with Levi's wide shocked ones as he had been about to cut the nape before her entrance. Or in her case exit.
She wasted no time on him though as she skidded round the front of the falling titan, slicing the fingers and grabbing Tabitha before landing them both safely on the ground. She sighed in content as the creature dropped to the floor, shaking the earth. Tabitha's face drained of colour as her knees buckled and she fell to the ground. Everyone else on the squad stared at her in horror as Levi landed. She looked at herself and chuckled.
"It's not mine." She commented briefly before walking over to her horse.
"THE FUCK WAS THAT CADET!?" Mike yelled. Dilan frowned. What's his problem?
"That was doing my job. I stopped her from getting eaten and killed the titan. What's the problem?" She asked, tilting her head as all of them continued to balk at her and Tabitha threw up the contents of her stomach. Toby ran to help her.
"The problem?! The problem was you almost got yourself killed! You were insubordinate and reckless!" Mike scolded harshly. Dilan blinked.
"Should I have let her die, sir?" She asked, monotoned. Mike looked infuriated.
"LEVI WAS-"
"Levi, wouldn't have made it." She cut him off, bored with the conversation. She didn't see the big deal. Mike's eyes widened in fury and he got off of his horse to stomp over to her and grab her by her bloodied collar.
"You have no fucking clue what would have happened! You were lucky but I will not have a member of my squad doing something so stupid again!" He reprimanded. Dilan glared at the hands touching her.
"So, your saying I should value my own life over my comrades!?" She yelled back. Mike looked absolutely furious.
"Fucking underground bitch-" He started with a hiss, but Levi cut him off, grabbing him and pulling him off of Dilan. She let out a shaky breath, glad no one was touching her.
"Mike, she was right. I wouldn't have made it." He replied in a collected voice. Mike stared at him in disbelief. "We should head off. All this yelling is bound to attract attention." He added. Mike took a few breaths to calm down before collecting himself and nodding.
"Tabitha get up. Everyone get ready, we're moving out." He ordered in an annoyed tone. Dilan gave Levi a curious look after she had mounted her horse, unsure of why he helped her. The man caught her staring and sent her a glare to which she just rolled her eyes and refocused, wiping a bit of titan blood away as it attempted to drip into her eye. She hoped it would burn off soon. It was fucking disgusting.
It didn't take long after that incident for them to get to the supply base. The squad were still in a stunned silence, Tabitha looked to be on the verge of a mental breakdown, Levi and Mike were in foul moods and Dilan was trying hard to rub the titan blood off of her uniform. She had decided titans weren't that bad. Easy to kill really. And she knew if she ever did end up in one of their mouths, she would be able to get out again, given the crucial point that she still had all of her limbs and functioning organs. There wasn't much to be scared off. She was still much scared of humans. They were the real monster.
She was pissed at Mike for questioning her judgment and for manhandling her. That was the second superior that had grabbed her with the intent to kill. Not a great statistic. She would have to watch out for that one. He wasn't as harmless as she originally thought. Perhaps he still resented her for her antics in the carriage.
Once they got to the supply base a perimeter was established so they would know if any titans were about to break it and could send warning flares. Mike's squad were one of the squads chosen to guard the castle in the case they were attacked. They tied up their horses, letting them drink from the troughs and Mike was quick to stalk off, his face still dripping with fury. Dilan paid him no attention and walked towards the castle. It was pretty impressive, and it looked so old. Was this here all along? Or did the corps build it?
"Hey, um..." A voice started from beside her and Dilan turned to look at Tabitha. She was still rather pale but looked to have collected herself. The girl looked both guilty and shameful and her eyes were glued to her feet.
"Hey. How are you doing?" She asked. Being grabbed didn't look fun. Tabitha sighed and scratched the back of her head.
"Fine... you were an idiot to do that for me. A complete crazy ass stupid idiot." Tabitha said harshly before looking up at her and offering the first genuine smile Dilan had seen on the girl. "But I owe you my life. Thanks, underground girl." She said genuinely. Dilan blinked, not expecting that before cracking a smile of her own.
"Don't mention it. I know we didn't get off to the best start but... maybe we could wipe the slate clean and start over?" Dilan offered hopefully. Tabitha smiled gratefully and nodded, holding out a hand.
"Your still fucking insane but I respect it." She teased. Dilan laughed and grabbed the hand, shaking it firmly. "Hey, sorry you got chewed out by Mike. He was being a real dick today." Tabitha said casually. Dilan smiled; glad the girl was being less defensive around her.
"All men are dicks. They vary with how dick-ish they are each day." Dilan retorted and Tabitha snorted in amusement.
"I'd drink to that." She grinned and threw an arm round Dilan's shoulder as they walked back to the others. "Fucking hard being the only girl on the squad. Men are insufferable." She sighed in annoyance. Dilan laughed, a genuine happiness filling her chest. It was nice to be touched and not want to skin the person touching her.
"You can say that again. But I got your back now. You name the guy, I'll slap him." She joked and Tabitha laughed loudly, alerting the attention of the others.
"Jesus, I thought a titan was dying." Brand teased and Tabitha frowned. She gave Dilan a look and she nodded, walking over to Brand and slapping him in the face. Hard. The others gasped in shock while Tabitha burst out laughing again.
"What the fuck?!" Brand pouted, rubbing his red cheek.
"You were a dick, so you had to pay." Dilan shrugged, smiling as Tabitha pulled her into a hug by her shoulders and ruffled her hair.
"This girl is an angel. You hurt her and I will kill you." Tabitha said protectively and Dilan grinned as the squad balked at them.
"Well that was a fierce change of heart!" Toby pointed out.
"Yeah, you tried to-" Johnson started but Tabitha cut him off with a palm.
"We shall not talk about that. The point is, I like her now and we're best friends. I call dibs." She grinned, being tall enough to rest her chin on the top of Dilan's head. Dilan laughed and rolled her eyes as the others smiled in amusement.
"Well, I'm glad you guys are good. And thank you for saving her, Dilan. Thank you for doing something. We were all too scared to move." Toby looked down in shame. Dilan sighed and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't alright? It was a difficult situation. Besides, we're all fine, right?" She smiled reassuringly. Tabitha smiled her approval and pat Toby on the head.
"Underground girl is right. We're alive so that's all that matters." She proclaimed, hugging Toby round the side which made him smile again.
"Underground girl? Is that ever going away?" Dilan sighed. Tabitha laughed and punched her playfully on the shoulder.
"You know you love it." She teased. Dilan cracked a smile as the group laughed and pat her on the back. Dilan looked behind her for a moment, catching Levi's eye from where he was talking to Hanji. He looked annoyed as usual but there was a sadness in his eye watching them. For a second Dilan almost felt bad. She wondered why the guy was so miserable? Why he didn't allow himself to have any friends. Did something happen to him? What wasn't she seeing?
The sound of screaming and flares shooting upwards brought the pair out of their staring contest and they snapped their heads in the directions of the flares. Black. An abnormal.
Dilan and Levi snapped into action automatically while the others watched the direction of the incoming titan. Guess they wanted to see the class. It didn't matter to her. She needed her horse to kill it so that was first priority.
"Stop staring like idiots and get your damn horses!" Levi yelled as he got closer. Dilan was already on her horse and riding towards where the titan should be coming from as others snapped into action. "OI BRAT! WAIT FOR ORDERS!" She heard Levi yelled behind her, but she paid him no attention. The screaming was too loud to ignore, and she quickly left her squad in the dust to gallop towards the distressed sounds. She gasped when she saw it. A 16-meter abnormal on all fours. A squad was currently trying and failing to deal with it. Dilan's eyes widened as the monster lunged and bit one of the men in half. His teammate screamed and attack it in their fury but the titan fucking headbutted him. He died instantly.
"Shit." She whispered. She had seen people die before but never so violently. It struck something in her. Something that raged. Was this how my brother died?
And with that she was off. Galloping at full speed, she bit her lip as she saw Hanji's squad enter the battle as reinforcements to the previous squad and her heart started to beat faster. She couldn't let anymore die.
Fuck. She gritted her teeth as one of Hanji's squad was wiped out and she stood on her saddle, waiting to get in range. The beast was waving its arms about lunging and snarling like a caged animal, inadvertently protecting its weak spot.
"DILAN!" Mike yelled from behind her, but she didn't listen. The screams of another unnecessary death pushed her forward.
"DILAN PLEASE, WAIT FOR US!" Johnson yelled but Dilan ignored him too and leapt off the horse, towards the creature, ready to kill.
She gasped as Hanji tried to fly around the side of the titan and a hand was about to knock into her, but she had no idea. Dilan had two options. She could let Hanji get killed and slice the nape after or knock Hanji out of the way and take the blow herself. Two options. A split-second decision. She glanced back at the squad before sighing, knowing she only had one choice. Hanji was loved. She deserved to live.
See you soon, brother, Dilan thought before pushing Hanji out of the way of the hand. Her only regret was that Erwin was still breathing. Hanji's eyes widened as she realised, she had been about to get clobbered and Dilan heard her screams of protest before everything went dark.
