Chapter Six
"Thanks for busting me out," Amy said as she stowed her crutches in the backseat of Raj's car and then slipped quickly into the passenger seat.
"My pleasure," he replied, grinning. "I should be the one thanking you. You all have been to my planetarium lectures so many times, no one wants to help me rehearse anymore."
"The perks of knowing an amnesiac," she joked, or tried to. Her smile didn't reach her eyes and she could tell Raj noticed. "You're certain Sheldon doesn't know you're here?"
"None of the guys know I'm here," he reassured her.
Amy nodded but still turned to look behind them as Raj pulled away from the curb. Sheldon had ordered her to stay inside and rest, and she knew he'd be furious if he caught her sneaking out like this. She'd made it four days cooped up in 4B before cabin fever set in. Sheldon himself only made it one day working from home with her before announcing his return to Caltech.
"So how have things been going with you guys?" Raj asked the question she was dreading as he merged into traffic.
How had things been going?
After the night terror incident, Sheldon insisted they continue sharing the bed, stating that he needed to be close in case it happened again. Amy agreed, not because she was particularly worried about having another night terror, but because when she had woken up in his arms she felt . . . She felt . . .
Well, lots of things. It brought her back to the time they cuddled on her couch, which was familiar and comforting. Being tucked in close to his larger frame made her feel safe and protected. She liked being surrounded by his warmth and scent. Shouldn't it feel weird? She spent her entire life, as far as she knew, sleeping alone, but as soon as the lights went out and his arm wrapped around her waist, she was instantly soothed. Even his occasional sleep talking didn't bother her. The few times he woke her mumbling equations she'd never heard before, she just found it endearing. She'd stay up for a few minutes watching his face, dreamily thinking, Mine, mine, until she drifted off again.
But during the day it was a different story. They spent that first full day awkwardly dancing around each other. She tried to just relax and catch up on reading while Sheldon worked at his whiteboards, but she couldn't stop watching him out of the corner of her eye. She was certain he was doing the same with her too, and got the impression she was somehow misbehaving. In the end, neither of them had made much progress, not that they ever said it in so many words. The uncomfortable tension only eased when they went to sleep again.
It was almost a relief when Sheldon went into the university the next day, even though she knew it was a tactic to avoid her. Before he left, he made her sign a document stating she would not leave the apartment, invite over unauthorized guests, do any heavy lifting, whistle, or conduct any internet searches for potentially upsetting topics (including his name, her own name, and the Green Lantern movie). Initially she resisted this as a ridiculous measure of control. He should be able to trust that she could take care of herself. It was only after she considered the way he clung to her at night and realized she might not be the only one traumatized by the accident that she relented.
However, following Sheldon's rules meant she spent the last few days pacing around the apartment like a ghost chained to a haunting, grasping at memories long past. It was clear that Sheldon cleaned their place out before bringing her home, but surprisingly he left quite a few mementos laying around of their shared life together. The wedding album she found in the bookcase was of particular interest, and she poured over it for hours, studying her face, his face. She'd never seen herself look so happy. With every page turned, she willed spark of recognition to come through. It never came, but she kept trying.
"Amy?" Raj prompted her again when she didn't answer, and the present moment snapped back into focus.
"I'm sorry, I was just thinking."
"That good, huh?"
Amy watched the scenery pass by out the window, giving herself a second more to deliberate.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Sheldon and I, we have a normal marriage, right?"
"Oh sure, 'normal' is exactly the word I use whenever I'm talking about anything related to Sheldon."
"That's not what I meant," Amy said, glaring at him. It really was a shame that he was the first one to offer to break her free. She would have preferred Penny or Bernadette. The girls probably knew far more about their relationship, but she had to take what she could get.
Before Raj arrived to pick her up that morning, she'd made an important discovery. Sometime between 2011 and the accident, she apparently selected a new password for her computer login. Sheldon claimed he didn't know what it was, but that morning she finally guessed it right and got access to all her saved files. There wasn't time to go over much, so she just picked the first document that caught her eye.
The Relationship Agreement PDF was 31 pages. It was incredibly restrictive, exactly the kind of businesslike arrangement she was worried about. And it was signed and dated just days after her last memory. Had she really agreed to this? Had she been that desperate to call him her boyfriend? Recalling how he made her feel during their shared nights, perhaps she had. But did they really live like this? And if so, was it what she wanted now? It all weighed heavily on her mind.
"The past few days have raised several questions for me," Amy continued, choosing her words carefully. "There have been moments where I've felt incredibly close to Sheldon and moments where none of this seems to make sense. I can't say I'm terribly used to feeling either of these things."
"Why don't you just ask Sheldon to tell you what you want to know?"
"Memory can be fickle. If Sheldon tells me the story of the past eight years, I'll imagine it as he's telling it. My imagining it will then warp any actual memories I may recover. How would I know if it's a true memory or if I imagined it so many times that it feels true?"
Raj pulled into the parking lot of the observatory and cut the engine before turning in his seat to face her fully.
"Look, Amy, there's another reason I asked you to come with me today. I owe you an apology."
"You do?"
"You obviously don't remember this, but there were a number of times over the years where I was dismissive of your relationship with Sheldon. I thought about it a lot while you were in the hospital. The truth is, I just didn't understand it before, because I never really tried to. And I'm sorry. You want to know if you have a normal marriage? You don't. What you guys have is better."
Amy blinked, not expecting an answer like that. "Thank you, Rajesh."
"You're welcome. Now come on, let me show you the planetarium again."
Amy returned to 2311 N Los Robles Avenue in high spirits. Despite the rocky start, her afternoon out had been lovely.
"Where have you been?"
Amy jumped and shrank back against the apartment door. Raj had been careful to bring her back before Sheldon's typical quitting time, and Leonard's car wasn't in the parking lot. She'd thought for sure she'd gotten away with sneaking out, but there was Sheldon, sitting on the couch with his arms crossed, looking madder than she'd ever seen. What was he doing back already?
"I went with Rajesh to the observatory," she answered truthfully. Sheldon held up the document she'd signed a few days earlier.
"I shouldn't have to tell you that you're in direct violation of-"
"Nothing happened, Sheldon," she interrupted him. The surprise of his appearance was wearing off and she was ready to stand her ground. "I was tired of being trapped in the apartment, so I went out with a friend. It's fine."
"No it's not!" Sheldon stood up. "What if you had gotten separated and couldn't remember your way back home? What if Raj's car broke down and there was another accident? There's no telling what danger you put yourself in today. Not to mention you went back on your word to me."
"I'm sorry, but it's not fair that you get to go out and I can't," she countered. "I need to start doing things for myself again."
"You're still recovering-"
"I'm not that fragile-"
"You're still under my care-"
"I'm sick of your contracts and your agreements and-"
"I'm your husband and I-"
"Not to me you're not!"
Her outburst shocked them both. She watched his shoulders slump as the fight left his body. He gave her such a wounded look, it made her heart twist up in her chest. She hadn't meant to say that, but that was the truth. The evidence was there in their rings and the photos, but there was also the agreement on her computer and the fact that they'd barely had a real conversation since she woke up in the hospital. It didn't add up to a marriage to her, no matter what Raj told her in the car. And now that she'd said it, they'd have to deal with it.
Author's Note:
Deep breaths, y'all. It's going to be okay.
Not gonna lie, I struggled a bit with this one. I hope it turned out alright and makes sense. I don't have a beta, I'm just doing my best.
As always, thanks for your support!
