A/n: Set ep. 9, series 4 with a little twist.

Please enjoy.

I Must Tell You

Part one.


E L. A Married man. Three years experience. Deputy. Senior leadership. A glowing reference. Favoured by the board, and I, naturally.

Eddie Lawson. Headmaster.

The day had been horrendous from exactly the moment her car pulled into the car park at 8:05am right until this very second. She wished nothing more than for a large glass of wine and her bed. So, when Eddie had suggested they had a farewell drink in her office, she desperately wanted to decline, but she couldn't do that to him.

"Headmaster." Eddie commented as he stood still, allowing his eyes to gaze over the empty school playing fields. There was such a silence that even the smallest sound echoed. The air felt cold and the clouds gave a gloomy image, which ironically, mirrored the atmosphere.

"It's got a nice ring to it." His eyes darted. For the first time, it saddened him to look at her. She preoccupied herself by packing her belongings into a rather small sized box—she'd never been one to bring her personal items into work.

"I suppose it has."His tone laced with what could only be described as frustration. Her refusal to regain eye contact told him that she might have been regretting her decision.

"Headmistress has a better ring though."He knew she'd protest, profoundly. Within seconds, she paused with her task.

"Eddie-" It wasn't long before he perched himself on the edge of her desk. Studying as she carefully poured him a healthy glass of whisky, and he bottled the chuckle he was desperate to release. He was going to miss this. He was going to miss their shared love of whisky at the end of a hard school day. Furthermore, he was going to miss her, badly.

"Am I wrong, Rach?"

She hesitated and decided to ignore him.

"Don't go." Both their eyes met and sadness mirrored, but now was not the time. Sighing deeply, she gently placed her hands on her desk before guiding herself back into the large office chair that awaited.

Moments passed, and he waited for her to release her thoughts. It was a rarity that they'd have such deep moments like this, but when they did, it was a relief to him that she'd be offloading some of her worries.

"Seventeen, Eddie. She was seventeen." Tears threatened to overwhelm her as she relived the torturous moment. A small tear escaped, and she kicked herself for becoming vulnerable. Eddie knew better than to acknowledge her tears and feared that she might shut him off if he fussed.

"It wasn't your fault."

There was one thing that Eddie Lawson was not, and that was a liar.

"You told me he was bad news-" before she could get the chance to explain, he interrupted.

"Rachel, you cannot blame yourself!"

Shouting was never his style—unless it was at the kids when they had been nothing but sods- but he couldn't allow her to take the blame.

"I should have listened.."

"You followed your judgement." That wasn't a lie—she did follow her judgement and with good intentions.

"Yes, and look what happened, Eddie."

Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed her hand. Of course, it was not with force as hurting her was never his intention, but she needed to listen. He wanted to protect her. Unintentionally, she held her breath as she felt the contact between them. The warmth of his touch sent a feeling soaring through her body. In an instant she remembered her sister, Melissa, and the fact that this man was her fiancé. She wanted to pull away, and to shut off all communication instantly, but something kept her hanging on. Rachel needed him.

"It was not your fault."

Gently, but assertive, his choice of words hit her.

It was not your fault.

"I thought I could make a difference. I persevered because I was selfish."

It took some moments before Eddie could digest just what she had admitted. He shook his head furiously and gripped onto her hand a little tighter.

"Look at me."

Her refusal angered him, and so, he cleared his throat loudly.

"Rachel, look at me."

Hesitation loomed, but eventually she brought her eyes to his. He captured her instantly and she hated him for that.

"You are far from selfish. You risked your life to protect a man who blackmailed you!"

Rachel pinched her eyes shut furiously trying to block out the memory. Using her free hand, she pressed her fingertips to her forehead.

"Eddie, I'm tired."

Her whisper shattered him. Physically, he had noticed as shadows loomed beneath her eyes, and he'd noticed how she'd lost a little weight, but he'd never mention that of course. But, he failed to think of what it was doing to her emotionally and mentally.

He let go of her hand, and she half expected to hear the door open as he'd make a swift exit, but she heard no such sound. Instead, his heavy footsteps neared her round her side of the desk. She didn't have to open her eyes to know that he was within inches. Pausing, and almost forgetting to breathe, she battled whether to run or face him.

"I'm sorry."

Those two words stung her like never before. What on earth could he be sorry for? Lifting open her eyes, she gasped at his closeness. Ashamed, his voice broke as he muttered, "I've neglected you. I've neglected our friendship. I've let you down."