Chapter Nine
Jareth stood on his balcony. He hated the job he was doing, but until he found a willing brat, he could never be released. He twirled his crystal balls between his fingers and gazed intently into them but could find no sign of Delvira. Why were they keeping her from him? At least for a while, he had had her company. He never figured out why they had even allowed her to reach him, and every moment spent with her had been like a gift. He missed her terribly. The last he had seen of her, the ocean had been swallowing her. He closed his eyes and prayed to Aphrodite that She would keep his beloved safe and reunite them swiftly. "Look alive, guys; show time." Changing instantly to the owl, he went to the bedroom window of the next idiot girl he had to deal with.
Wooden boards crunched underneath her feet as she continued her search, but she did not stop to think that she might fall. Instead, her mind continued to run in circles, remembering all the ways her life had been destroyed in just a short time. She had seen her reflection in the pot of water Winifred had given her to drink from and knew that she looked as bad as she felt. She might not be able to do anything about her life, but at least, she could still look half the part she should be if only she could find a comb.
It was then that a ray of sunshine sparkled on an object. She bent down, pulled it from the wreckage, and smiled in relief at the sight of the comb. It was missing a few teeth, but she would make it work. She couldn't stand looking the way she knew she did. It was bad enough that everybody around her knew the fool she'd been; she refused to also look the part to appease them.
She thought of the others as she walked off to a secluded spot on the beach. She'd actually thought she was making a few friends last night before the storm had hit, but she hadn't seen a single one of them since. Fred had awakened her, but it was only due to the girl's concern over all of those that were still unconscious. She meant nothing to her. She meant nothing to any one any more.
With tears in her eyes, Elizabeth rose the comb to her head and began trying to undo her tangles. Its damaged teeth bit into her silky hair, bringing more tears to her eyes, but she kept her gaze firmly on the blue ocean. She would not cry. She appeared weak enough as it was. If she allowed actual tears to fall, she would be eaten.
Autolycus walked slowly around the wreckage, trying to spy anything that might be useful. Everything appeared to be broken. Nothing gleamed in the morning sunlight or sparkled as he hoped to find jewels and knew that they would sparkle if the sunlight hit them. They must have been lost completely, he mourned.
He had seen that every one he knew was still alive, albeit most of them were still sleeping but were being slowly awakened by Doctor Doom and Fred. They seemed already to be a couple. He sighed. If only for a little while, he had actually had a woman who seemed to care about him, but he knew she was royalty and wouldn't want his lowly hide around her now that she was able to be amongst others. He wasn't worthy to tie her shoes, being the thief that he was.
He stopped moving things for a moment, closed his eyes, and thought about how pretty she was. He sighed audibly. "A jewel well beyond your touch, my friend," he told himself. "Better keep looking, both for jewels and a woman that can stand your lowly hide."
He finally gave up out of sheer boredom as nothing appeared. He thought he might as well go sun himself for a while as Captains Jack and Xena were nowhere to be seen. He figured he had a little time that he could laze around. Sure as they showed up, they'd put him to work. He picked a secluded area that almost looked like a small grove and walked into it. It was quiet and smelled wonderfully. He wondered what kind of trees it was and knew that Xena could tell him if she was there. He had seen her walking off with Gabrielle and knew she was okay.
Where did things go wrong? he wondered. Your wandering hands, he told himself. If you hadn't bothered Gabrielle, Xena would not have turned her back on you. They had been friends for quite a while. Should he apologize? He had not tried that route yet, at least not truthfully. He had not meant for it to get out of hand as he truly admired both Xena and Gabrielle and knew that they were lifemates and did not want to interfere with that situation. He just couldn't keep his damn hands to himself!
It did not take him long to figure out some one else was in the grove with him. Even though he could not see them, he felt their presence. If they wanted to be rude and keep to themselves, he would still let them know he was there with them. Great was his surprise to see Elizabeth with her back turned toward him. "Good morning, beautiful lady!" he called to her in hopes that she would turn around and yell at him if nothing more. Her voice sounded like pure music to his ears.
He thought back to the night before when he had had a choice to make between the jewels and the woman, and he knew that he would still make the same choice. He wanted this woman to be safe. He felt something stir in his heart but refused to believe it. Unrequited love was never a good thing, and he'd had more than his fair share. He wasn't about to make another mistake with Elizabeth. Maybe they could be friends? That was something he was sorely lacking of at the moment.
Elizabeth was set deep in work with a particularly nasty tangle when Autolycus' voice startled her out of her wits. If she had not been sitting, she would have lost her balance, but as it was, she lost the comb in her hair. "Autolycus!" she exclaimed, her mind racing though she did not turn to face him. How could he think it was a good morning, much less that she was beautiful when she looked uglier than a dog?
He took in her appearance, her hair, and the fact that the comb was stuck in her hair and nodded. "It's always a beautiful morning when one wakes up and is breathing and not being chased. Look at the sky. It's glorious!" He inched his way closer so that he could stand next to her. Even if he did not dare to touch her in the light of day, he could smell her, and her scent brought a smile to his lips. He knew she probably thought she was ugly because she was used to being cleaned up in beautiful clothes. Truth was, he didn't think he'd ever seen her more beautiful. "I can help," he offered.
She had done as he'd requested and looked up at the sky only to have her breath taken away. The most lovely shade of blue she'd ever seen stretched as far as her eyes could see, and there was not a single cloud. How could last night have been so awful only to be met with such a beautiful morning? It didn't make sense. At his next words, she glanced back tentatively at him. Though he was handsome, he was a man who almost always meant trouble. Was his offer real now, or was he laughing at her? She gazed up at his face, but he did not seem to have the usual twinkle in his eye or the mischievous quirk to his mustache that he was known for. "Would you . . . ?" she asked at last. "I've been trying to make this darned comb work," she admitted, "but there isn't much left to it."
"First of all, my dear, we must get rid of this piece of junk," he said, grasping a hold of the offending comb and gently working it out of her hair, "and use a real piece of work in its place." From a pocket, he pulled out a silver comb. He gave it to her to hold while getting himself in position. He sat down behind her on another rock. It was a little bit too far away from her, so he got up and moved it forward again. It took another move to get it right where he wanted it at. He sat down and put his hand around the front of her, waiting for her to give him the comb.
While he had been moving around, she had been marveling at the comb. "It really is exquisite," she told him as she handed the comb back to him. He was going to use his own comb to fix her hair? Not only did that surprise her as did the comb's stature, but the gentleness with which he had taken the first from her hair had captured her breath.
Lifting one lock at a time, Autolycus began very gently working through the knots in Elizabeth's hair. "I know this hurts, Elizabeth, but I'll do my very best not to pull any unnecessarily."
"Thank you," she told him, "and . . . thank you for not laughing." Even when she'd agreed to his offer to help, she'd expected laughter to come, but none had. Instead, he was proving to be quite the gentleman.
"Laugh? Why would I laugh at you? I think you're the most beautiful lady I've ever seen. Even in the present condition of your clothes, one can see that you're royalty."
She blushed at his words. "My Father may have been the Governor," she admitted, "but I'm not royalty. I'm only a woman."
"You are royalty to me. You look like a Princess. I was hesitant in approaching you when I found you, but I didn't want you to think some one was spying on you. I figured it'd be you who laughed at me." He continued to work on her hair.
"Autolycus . . . I may not agree with all that you do, but I wouldn't laugh at you. I'd laugh at Joxer," she had to admit, "but I certainly would not at you. I think . . . " She took a deep breath, then admitted, "I think there's much more to you than the others are willing to admit, and . . . thank you for saving me last night."
"Oh, you're most welcome for the save, my lady. Your hair would go a lot faster if we had some water that we could wet your hair with. The tangles would let go easier, but I have all the time in the world. I'm not in a rush, and I thank you for letting me touch it and help you."
Her blush deepened. Whereas Will had far before gotten to the point that she'd believed he wouldn't have known a sweet word if it had bitten him in the rear, Autolycus seemed full of them and his hands tried to be as gentle as his words were.
"A woman such as yourself must have had many servants taking care of your needs and many men courting you. Here, you're not apt to find any servants, but I will do whatever I can to help you. You have but to ask." As he combed her hair, her neck was exposed, and he had to fight himself to keep from kissing her on it. He was not sure why he was warring with himself and why he did not make another move on her, but it was as though she was too important to him to take, any chances and although his lips longed to seek her neck, he did not allow himself to get that close.
"Autolycus . . . I'm afraid I was very, very wrong about you last night," she told him gently. "I only saw what the others did, and I did not stop to think of why you might have tried to take the jewels and girls and run. I still do not know why you did it, but I know you are not the scoundrel you're made out to be. At least," she flashed a teasing grin back at him, "not completely."
"Oh, you're wrong about that, Elizabeth. I am a scoundrel, a thief, and a Pirate, but I can admire beauty and I can take care of my treasures, most especially when they're my friends. I have a particular weakness when it comes to jewels. Women may come, women may go, but jewels last forever unless you do something stupid like lose or spend them."
"I guess I'm kind of like a dragon; I like to horde things. I had a small stash of some jewels I had found in my cot, but they're gone now and the only thing I have left are a couple of dubloons. I'm a very poor man indeed, but I'm also a very rich man. I'm alive when I could have been dead. I made a new friend." He smiled at her even though she couldn't see it as he was behind her. "I managed to gripe Xena off, and she didn't kill me. Yes, I am very lucky man indeed."
His words forced Elizabeth to realize the truth of the next words she spoke. "We are both lucky. I . . . I had thought my life had fallen apart all around me," she found herself admitting, "but you give me cause to realize just how wrong I was. I've been gifted instead with a chance for a new life, to live my own and not have to worry about all the things I used to and never wanted to. I know the others must think me a fool, but what does it matter? Their judgments are so often wrong any way, and my friend," she said, wondering if he would put two and two together, "clearly does not think that."
"What makes you think that the others think you a fool?" Autolycus wondered if some one had said something to her to upset her.
"Oh, come now. Surely you can not be that blind? I do not fit in here, Autolycus. I am not a Pirate like you. I've always wanted to be, but I've never had the chance before. I can not fight like the other women here can. I do good just to stay alive when met with danger. And besides that, I was engaged to a man I thought I loved who turned out to be gay and in love with your very Captain."
Autolycus looked at her and shook his head. He handed her the comb. "Your hair is done, my lady. I want you to keep my comb and use it as the need arises. The others do not think you a fool. In fact, they like you, but they don't express themselves as I am sure you are used to people doing. If they thought you a fool, they would not have let you stay aboard."
"Jack is a wonderful man and a good friend. He speaks honestly and truthfully from the heart. He had been in love with Will for a very long time but would never have made a move on him if it had not been for your father trying to kill Will." Autolycus had once heard Wolverine and Jack talking about the island that Jack had bought as a present for Will and Elizabeth. "Jack considers himself to be your friend," he told her. "In fact, he thought Will was in love with you."
"You must keep a secret, Elizabeth, for I would probably be keel-hauled for revealing this, but the very land that you stand on, Jack bought for you and Will as a wedding gift. It has to be the same one as that's where we were heading and there are not that many islands floating around. He paid for a house to be built but not just any house as he spent many nights planning the rooms before he paid a group to go build it. It's a mansion. If you ever let him know that you know, my life would not be worth a plug nickel."
Though his revelation startled and even shocked her, she was far more concerned over his last words. Still holding the comb in one hand, she turned around on the rock she sat on to face him. "Autolycus," she said, "I know the others nearly brought about your death, but I will not do anything to endanger you. The secret is safe with me as is . . . this part of yourself that you've shown me here. I won't tell a soul nor will I stand idly by and let them do what they were going to to you before." She reached a hand up to gently touch his cheek. "You speak highly of Jack and although I know he does care for me, at least somewhat, you are the one who has shown me true care. If they still wish to turn against you for . . . for not using your best judgment at the time, I will walk with you."
"Xena had every right to be mad at me. She would have let me go if the storm had not happened. I touched what I shouldn't have touched. I too often think of doing mischievous things and don't think of the consequences. I understand why she was mad at me. I touched what was hers. I have to apologize to her for that. We have been friends for a very long time."
"The jewels were another thing. I broke the rules and should have been punished for that. It was just too much on top of revelation of me touching Gabrielle. You have to understand where I'm coming from, Elizabeth. There are a lot of women out there who don't want to be seen with men like me, and a man gets lonely. I had a chance to get my hands on the ultimate treasure and two women at the same time. I had to go for it even though I realized my chances of getting caught were about 100."
"I'm a bad boy," he said with a shake of his head, "but I think I could be a good man if circumstances were right. I made the right decision last night, and I meant what I said today. Anything you need, you have but to ask me and I'll do my best to do it for you, but I want you to give the others a chance. In time, you will find you could not have better friends."
"I can't say much about Jack and Will. I never even suspected Will. He was trying so hard to be what he wasn't, and Jack was pretending it didn't exist. He would never have said anything and quite possibly, Will would have married you. But you'd have never been happy with him. He isn't your soul mate even though he cares a great deal about you. I hope you find it in your heart one day to forgive them for the pain that they unintentionally caused you. One day, your soul mate will come, and you will know the difference." His eyes did not connect with hers as he said the last for he was afraid of what would happen to him if he acknowledged his feelings for her.
He still wondered if he had taken complete lack of senses when he'd let the treasure go. He'd had his hands on it, but he'd thrown it away to get her. He could have been the richest man in the world with many women falling at his feet, and yet he had given it all up for one woman -- Elizabeth. Her name rang in his head and in his heart. He knew he would have to get away from her and quickly else he might try something with her she'd never forgive him for.
She still did not know what to make of all he had told her about Will and Jack. Truth be told, she didn't even really want to think about them at that time. "Autolycus, you said you think you could be a good man," she reminded him. "I believe you could if you were treated fairly. I believe there's already a lot about you that's better than you're willing to think. You want me to give the others a chance and I would like for you to be able to reveal the better part of yourself . . . in time," she added before he could think she was pressing him, "so why don't we go join them?"
"That's a real good ideal, Elizabeth. May I borrow the comb from time to time?"
She laughed. "Of course you can! It is yours; I'm only borrowing it for now, and thank you for that, as well."
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it before taking it into his arm. "Let's join the others," he said with a smile and began to lead her back toward the camp.
She found that his smile was contagious and was beaming as they walked out of the glade together. Her worries could wait for later, but for now, she merely wanted to enjoy his companionship.
When Cordelia awoke, the first thought on her mind was the same as the last thought she'd had before losing consciousness. "Angel!" She jumped upright and nearly fell back as the world spun around her.
At the sound of Cordelia's voice, Lorne raised his head from Crys' lips. "Good morning, sunshine. Angel went up the hill with Jack, and no, they didn't go up to fetch a pail of water." He laughed at his own joke. He felt wonderful, holding Crys this close.
Crys could not help but to laugh at Lorne's joke, and her laughter began to stir her sleeping babies. "Where did they go?" she asked him.
"Jack wanted to go to the top of the island to see if he recognized the island. He's been stranded on so many islands at different times that he's come to recognize them. He should be coming back pretty soon."
Crystal was about to speak again when she noticed Cordelia standing. "Cordelia, where are you going?" she asked her.
"To be with Angel."
Lorne looked up at Cordelia. "It might not be safe for you to wander around out there alone, Princess. Angel would be upset if you did. Please wait here with us until he returns."
"He's right," Crys agreed. "I know you want to be with him, but he's okay, Cordelia. You don't want to add to his worries, do you?"
The Princess frowned at her, but Crystal and Lorne had known exactly how to make her stay put. "Very well," she replied, "as long as he is back soon." She was truly worried about him.
"He put you with us because we're family. I don't know how much you and he have going on," Lorne continued, "but he considers you family. I'm glad that he's found some one." He smiled at Cordelia. He wanted to add, Even if you are a Princess and probably very spoiled, but knew that Angel could handle it. Besides, she had not appeared to be as spoiled last night as she now seemed to be acting.
"Are you thirsty?" Crystal asked her.
"Quite," Cordelia admitted, only then realizing just how many yards of rough dirt her throat felt like.
"Hold out your hands." Cordelia did as the blonde requested and was surprised when she put a piece of ice in her hands. Though she had seen Crystal use her powers before, she still could not get used to ice materializing out of nowhere. Crys waved her hand over the ice, and it melted into water that Cordelia quickly rose to her mouth with a thanks.
Once the Princess appeared appropriately entertained, Crystal turned her attention back to Lorne. "What about you, sweetheart?" While they had been kissing, Crys had sworn that, since she now knew she would never stand a chance of getting rid of him so that he would be safe, she would make certain that he never again had reason to doubt her feelings for him. Now, she rose a piece of melting ice to his lips.
He sucked thirstily at the ice but spoke in between sucks. "I was quite parched, my dear. Thank you for the ice."
Crystal smiled and was about to answer him when Blue nudged gently at her free hand. She materialized three rather large ice cubes in the palm of that hand and waited as her babies took one each. Then, she popped a fourth into her own mouth.
Lorne maneuvered around so that he could lay on his back and put his head in Crys' lap. His red eyes twinkled at her. "I could use some more of that," he told her.
"With pleasurrre," Crystal purred the words, sounding much like her lioness though in a better mood than Cindy had ever been known for. She brushed her fingertips gently over his lips, and from her fingertips dropped tiny ice slivers that melted as quickly as they hit his tongue.
He licked greedily at each drop and felt his emotions rise and his loins become overheated. He had to move away from her before he tried to carry out something and embarrass Cordelia. He held her hand to his lips still and continued to suck the ice and water, but since he was now sitting up, he had relief.
She had been disappointed when he had moved but knew that it was for the best as she could feel her babies' eyes on them. She heard Blue snicker behind a wing, and her smile grew. She knew they were glad she'd stopped fighting him, but she'd have to explain why later when they were in private.
Cordelia watched Lorne and Crys with hidden interest. Her eyes appeared to be glued to the ground, but she kept glancing at the couple even as she wondered where she could gain some ice for Angel.
Meanwhile, the man on Cordelia's mind was bringing up the rear of the rescue party. They were not able to make good time due to the fact that two of their party was still unconscious and a third was worn out. All three were having to be carried. Angel just knew those creatures would return before they could get to safety. He had heard them attack something else and was glad that their minds had been diverted from his group. He returned his eyes to his Captain. "Captain, I can not see them, but I feel them to be close."
"We can't go any faster," Jack said. He readjusted Faith so that she nestled closer to his chest. "Even if they wake, they are not strong enough to walk on their own." Jack was beginning to wonder if maybe they should hole up and let Angel go for more help. He was torn between the group he was with and the people they had to warn. "We will continue," he finally spoke even though his arms felt like they would break off at any moment.
Angel nodded. He wondered what Cordelia was doing. He readjusted Katrina to where he could carry her more easily and continued on.
Lex heard the conversation, but his mind was all on Clark. What had he just seen Clark do? Was it a daydream, or was his lover more powerful than even he had dreamed? What would happen if Clark was to get mad at him when they were having a fight? He sure didn't want to be used like the dinosaur Clark had used as a club yet the mere thought of Clark's powers turned Lex on. He felt the blood rushing to his loins and knew he'd have to wait a while before he and his lover could make contact. It had been less than a day since they had had sex, but Lex longed for more even in the midst of danger.
Dawson was carrying Salem who kept objecting that he didn't need to be carried and that there was nothing wrong with him. "No, but you're little and might get stepped on," Dawson told him. "I don't mind carrying you."
Finally, Salem hushed and curled up in Dawson's arms, but his senses stayed alert. What if those things came back? He trembled in fear to think about it. Oh, Bast, help us to get with the group safely!
Jack was walking at the head of the group. He stumbled and decided it was time to take a break. He heard water gurgling and stepped off the trail to follow it. It might not be safe to drink, but there was only one way to find out. Maybe some water would revive the others a little.
"We'll stop here for a while," he told the others when he reached the spot. "There's water, but don't just start drinking it. We have to check it out. It could be poisonous." He laid Faith gently down and walked over to look at the little brook. There were no dead fish or no other dead things around, and plants seemed to be growing healthfully. "Check the water," he told Angel, "to be sure."
Angel sniffed the water and could smell nothing poisonous. He took a taste. "It's safe, Jack, and tastes wonderful! I've never tasted water that tasted like that before."
Jack dipped a hand in and lifted it to his lips. He was extremely thirsty. After taking a drink, he dipped his scarf into the water, brought it back to Faith's lips, and squeezed just a tiny bit of the water onto her lips.
Faith had already been slowly starting to come to when something touched her lips. She opened her mouth, allowing it in, and was surprised by its sweet taste. It appeared to be water but was much sweeter than she was used to. She kept her eyes closed as she wondered what was going on. The last thing she remembered was peacefully, for the first time in her life, waiting. She had known Death was coming to get her, and she had waited eagerly for its relief. Yet now it seemed that she was alive? Her eyes blinked open, and she looked around in confusion.
Jack had continued to squeeze the water from the scarf onto Faith's lips. He was rewarded when her eyes flashed open. "Don't try to get up, Faith. You're still too weak."
"I'm supposed . . . to be dead . . . " That was when the realization of what had happened struck her. She'd begged Dawson, Lex, and Salem to let her go, but somehow, they had not only refused her but had managed to keep her living.
"Katrina," Jack answered to her unspoken question, "saved you. She's resting, as well. You scared us there, Faith. We thought we'd lost you." He got up and went back to get more water. He started to bring it back to her but paused when he saw that she was standing with an angry look on her face. Now what the Hell was her problem! he wondered.
Lex had been giving water to Clark and Angel had been giving water to Katrina whose eyes now slowly fluttered upward. Oh no, she thought, the girl is always angry. She closed her eyes against the bright sun. She hoped Faith did not know she was awake.
Faith knew that Jack had not been there when she'd pleaded to be allowed to die, so she did not turn her anger on him. Instead, she turned to the ones of the four who were closest. As fate would have it, those two happened to be Dawson and Salem. "Why?" she demanded.
Dawson looked at Faith as though she had lost her mind completely. "Why what?" he asked. Couldn't she ever accept that some one would care for her to help her without anger?
"Why," she demanded again, "did you . . . Couldn't you . . . just let me die!"
"No, Faith, we couldn't," Lex told her from his place beside Clark on the ground. "Whether you want us to or not, we all care about you, Faith, and we couldn't stand the thought of losing you! You know what kind of condition you were in. Now look at yourself. You're completely whole again! You have Katrina to thank for that. I don't see why you're angry except that you're so bent on every one hating you that you can't realize that just the opposite has happened. We're your family! Even Katrina wants to be your family! Gods know why as you keep throwing us away, but we're still here! None of us wanted to lose you." His voice trailed off. "You should have seen Clark. He was so magnificent; he fought those raptors for you!"
"I don't know how he did that," she answered truthfully, "but he shouldn't have! I told you to go! I told you all to go and just leave me there, but you were too selfish -- "
Salem cut her off. "The Hell they were selfish! The Hell any of us were selfish!" He jutted out of Dawson's hold then and stood before Faith, glaring up at the girl. "So you wanted to die? None of us know why, but it wouldn't have mattered because we all love you, just like Lex was trying to tell you! Every one of them gave of themselves to save you even if you didn't want them to! You might want to get away from Lex, Jack, especially Dawson, but you know what? You're not getting away from any of them!"
Faith stared down at the black cat. "What the Hell are you talking about?"
"They gave their own blood to save your ass!" he informed her.
His words paused her for a moment, but then she returned, "So I'm supposed to be thankful for that! I'm supposed to be thankful that they ripped the one chance I had of getting out of this Hell away from me!"
Salem shook his head. "What Hell!"
"This Hell!" she bellowed. "What? You think I wanted to leave! The Hell I did, but I didn't have any choice!" She stopped talking, and her wild eyes swept around them. She was still too weak to remember to keep the next words to herself. "Damn it, that wasn't supposed to come out!"
Lex looked up at her. "We all have choices. Might not make the best ones sometimes, but you had a choice, Faith. You didn't have to go. No one was making you. In fact, we all wanted you to stay."
"You don't understand!" Faith whirled on him. "I couldn't stay! I shouldn't have stayed as long as I have! You all want me to let you in, but I'm not an idiot! I know full and damn well what would've happened if I'd stayed! You think you've got me now? Think again! I'm not staying! I can't!"
It was Clark who spoke up then. "If you go off again, we'll just come after you again."
Faith stared at him in stunned disbelief. "Why," she demanded, "do you all have to be so damn stubborn! I can't stay! If I stay, I'll either end up getting you killed or getting hurt by you!" Tears were starting to spill from her eyes, and she turned, trying desperately to find a place she could look and not find them, yet they surrounded her.
Katrina sat up and looked at Faith. "Faith, we all love you. We would never hurt you. If you ask me why I love you, I can't tell you, because I don't know. Maybe because I see some of me in you when I was your age. None of us will ever hurt you. I know you've been hurt in the past by your bloodkin, at that. Sometimes blood kin's not the best, but those around us who want to be our family and are willing to give the time and love needed . . . " She looked around the small group. " . . . are a much better family. They'll stand by you and protect you. I don't think there's been any one in this group that's ever done anything against you to hurt you, but every one of us has tried in our ways to help you. Even though time and again, you tell us to get lost or you don't want us or you hate us, we keep hanging on to get that tiny little shred of hope that one day you might actually see that we do care, and instead of sending us away, accept us." Her voice trailed off, and she leaned back against Angel. Her head was light, and she had not regained her strength yet. It was so important to her that Faith understand and stop fighting her own self and let the others in, but she didn't know what to do to help her. Now she waited for the tirade to begin on her head.
Faith stared at Katrina. "How . . . How did you know . . . ?" she asked her. How could she have known? She'd never told any one!
"It happened to me," she whispered weakly. "My own mother did not want me, because I was rebellious. She sent me to stay with my Grandmother, separating me from my dear sister. I was supposed to be the next Queen as my Mother had done something that I still don't know about that prevented her from being Queen. She just simply turned her back on me and gave me to the Queen, stabbing me to the heart. I still don't know how Celina found me. I think she must have finally ran away from home, but Grandmama did not send her back to my Mother. It doesn't matter now. Only Celina, Tom, and I still live. All the rest are gone." Her voice trailed off again.
Katrina's revelation stunned Faith so that she sat and barely missed sitting on Salem, who darted out from under her just in the nick of time. He looked at her. "You think they don't love you, that they'd hurt you, but that's because you're scared. They do love you, Faith. So do I. That's why we came after you. That's why they gave their blood so that you could live, and it's why we couldn't let you die. Maybe it was selfish," he said with a sniff, "but if you thought you could live this life, not playing a game, but truly living it . . . Would you really want to die?" Like Katrina, he recognized a lot of his own self in Faith, and that was why he knew the words to get to her.
Unable to meet their gazes, she stared at her own knees instead. She had pulled her knees up in front of her and wrapped her arms around them when she'd sat; she'd also only then realized that she was wearing Angel's jacket. She shook her head slowly. "You still don't get it. You think you want to be my family . . . if there is such a word . . . but you don't know me . . . Not really. If you knew the truth, you sure as Hell wouldn't be here now."
"What makes you think that?" Jack asked her. "Tell us the truth and let us make our own decision. You couldn't possibly have done anything worse than what most of us have."
She snorted. "That's what you think. You want to know me?" she asked, picking her head up and looking at each of them in turn. "You really think you want to know me? Then bite on this to start with. My first kill was . . . my own Mother."
"Why did you kill your mother, Faith?" Katrina asked. "I wanted to kill mine for what she did to me. If I had not been sent away, I might have done that."
She looked back down as childhood memories resurfaced, bringing more tears to her eyes. She felt Salem place a gentle paw on her leg but did not shove him away. "My earliest memories are . . . of her beating me . . . telling me not to cry . . . that tears were weak and that I'd better shut the fuck up if . . . if I wanted to live. She never tried to kill me, but there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't hit me, that she didn't hurt me . . ."
Dawson had closed his eyes when Faith had started talking. That part of her life sounded a lot like his. Mitch had beat him every day. He could never do anything right, and any friends that Dawson had tried to make along the way, Mitch had drove away, except for one. He did not know where Pacey was. Pacey served on a ship that had been in Port Royal on the day of the big freeze. He was probably dead, too. A lone tear trickled down his face. He was sitting by Faith. His hand reached out and touched her leg gently and timidly, but he did not withdraw it.
Faith's words made Jack think of all the beatings he had taken from the Captain who had stolen him after having killed his father. He turned his face away, because he did not want the others to see his tears.
This was something that only one of the group could not relate to as they had all been abused by parents except Clark. Clark had had loving parents who had done their very best to and by him. One of his greatest fears was of losing their love when he told them about Lex, something he had been putting off but had vowed to tell them the next time he saw them.
Lex's mind went straight to Lionel beating the crap out of him. "It'll make you tough, boy, and it will teach you how to handle others," was the excuse Lionel had always used. Lex could not remember much about his mother. He had tried, but every time he had thought of her, he had cried and his father had beat him again. He remembered his baby brother, Julian. They had been close yet his father had never dared beat Julian, because Julian had stayed so close to their mother. They had tried to reach out to Lex and pull him into their small group -- three against the one bully in their lives -- but all too brief of a time and Lex was all alone again as both his mother and Julian had died in a fire. He could not save them although he had tried. He had seen his father standing like a Devil and laughing as he heard the screams of his mother and brother, and he had tried to rescue them while his father tried to knock him down. "Let them roast," he had told Lex and continued to beat him until Lex had passed out. Yes, he could have killed Lionel, and he might still do it one day. He turned his attention back to Faith.
"She never let me go anywhere . . . do anything other than wait on her . . . and I was stupid . . . I wanted a friend . . . and when I finally got one . . . she told me to make her go away . . . I couldn't just let her go out in the cold, so I hid her . . . Managed to hide her for some time before my Mother found her again . . . But when she found her, she killed her . . . Killed her, cooked her, and tried to make me eat her . . . "
Salem shivered. "You ate human?" he asked.
She could feel him shivering by her leg and, despite herself, found herself reaching out a hand and stroking his fur. "No," she breathed. "It wasn't even human . . . She was a cat . . . A little, white kitten . . . Her fur was like snow," she remembered, "until that day when it was covered with blood . . . "
Dawson's memory flashed back to the day Faith had come into his life and the rescue that they had done in the marketplace for the animals. He had caught her holding a dead, white kitty, crying, and rocking the body. It explained a lot now. He patted her leg for comfort.
"She tried to make me eat her . . . but I wouldn't . . . so she took a knife to me . . . Told me if I didn't eat her, she'd kill me . . . We fought, and . . . I ended up killing her . . . "
Angel looked at Faith. "I killed my Father, but only after he killed my Mother and sister. It was one of the truly evil things I've done in my life. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner, before he took their lives. He was a Preacher, would you believe? Sorry son-of-a-bitch that he was! He had everybody fooled! I was the sinner. He was the Saint. He beat me every day, claimed he was trying to beat the Devil out of me. I hated him."
"He beat my Mother and my sister, but my Mother would not leave him. She had tried and failed once, and he had beat her until she had almost died. And yet, the people supported him as a preacher. I figured that if he was what God wanted to represent him, he didn't want any part of me, and I turned even further to the dark side."
"Faith, you killed your mother out of self-defense. You did not premeditate it. I did mine. I planned and schemed and thought of a million ways to kill that bastard, and finally it was just a simple matter of biting him in the neck, draining every bit of his blood out, and letting him die. You should have heard the curses he railed upon my head, but I was no longer weak. I didn't have to stand for the beatings."
"You don't have to fear any one ever doing that to you again." He knelt down beside her. "We are all here to help you to be strong. You have but to ask, and we'll take any enemy out. I know you like to do your own fighting, but sometimes even you need help." His voice trailed off, expecting her to blast him for having the audacity to offer help.
She looked at Angel through the tears that shone in her eyes. "I . . . I'm sorry you went through it, too, and the others," she said, speaking beyond him to Katrina and Lex and to Dawson at her side, "but I'm not surprised he was a Priest. After I killed my Mother, the town threw me to the church. I met one like your father there. She'd beat me every day of my life before then, and he beat me . . . " Her lips started to say something else, but she continued instead, " . . . He beat me every day after. Same excuse as yours used: beating the Devil out. I didn't kill him. Didn't get a chance to. That's who that sword's meant for."
They exchanged glances with each other, each knowing about the sword and wondering why it had existed and stayed hidden under Faith's bed. In fact, none of them had ever seen her pull it except Jack, and he knew what she'd used it on. They didn't make a comment, though. They waited for her to continue.
"And after that . . . it was the whorehouse . . . and then . . . then the Saucy Wench . . . "
Salem gawked at that. "The Lesbian ship!"
She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded.
"There's a lot of bad, bad women on that ship," Jack said. "They have a reputation that they deserve when it comes to killing. They steal girl children, and they burn towns, killing men with the greatest of pleasure. They hate males. I came across them once, and I'm not ashamed to say I hid. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be here now. I hope never to run into them again, but if I do, I hope I have my men with me. I'd like to put them down. They're rabid animals."
"They're worse than animals, but . . . Jack . . . " Faith said, raising her eyes to look at him, "they're still after me."
"Well, if they come after you, we'll put them down. We know who they are, and they're not going to get you," Jack told her. "They almost got Angel once."
"Thank the Gods I got away!" Angel breathed. "It's bad enough to be chased because people think you're out to get them because you're a Vampire, but when you're being chased just because you're a male and they want to kill you, it's a nightmare! They almost got me. In fact, if it had not been for Wolf, they would have got me. They had me cornered, and Wolf jumped right in front of me in the midst in full Werewolf form. He aimed for their Captain and tore the whole front of her clothes with one strike. He growled, and they got the message. The next strike would be right through her gut. They backed up, and we got the heck out of there. I can still hear that whore calling me names and telling me what to do with Wolf. See, Faith, we protect each other. If Wolf had not come after me, I wouldn't be here now." He gazed intently into her eyes. "We'll be here for you if they come."
"I'm not afraid of them, but I don't want to . . . " She made a face despite herself. "Do that again."
"You don't?" Dawson asked with a sad, bewildered look on his face. His eyes did not meet hers. Damn, there went my second ride! he thought.
"Males can be fun," Faith assured him, surprised at his reaction, "but woman to woman . . . I don't have anything against Lesbians, but I sure as Hell ain't one."
"That's good!" Dawson said with a sigh of relief. He was glad what he had thought earlier was not what she had been thinking. There might still be a chance for that second ride!
"It's not that I don't want a family," Faith admitted, turning back to the main conversation. "But with what I've been through . . . I gave up believing a long time ago . . . in family . . . friends . . . love . . . any of it. You guys . . . You make me want to believe, but I'm scared. That's why I knew I had to get away, and that's even . . . why I wanted to die . . . I'm sick of pretending not to care. I'm sick of having to act the part to keep from getting hurt or hurting others."
"Then stop acting," Jack told her. "Simply let your feelings out. We will not hurt you. In fact, if you let us have some of your feelings, we will give you more of ours. We all love you."
She sat there for a long moment, thinking over everything they'd told her. She'd told them the worst about her past, yet still they clung to her just as determinedly as before. They wouldn't hurt her. She knew that especially now. They'd even given of their very blood to save her life, and for what? Not even Katrina could give a damn about the bag of gold she'd tossed at her cot the night before. That wasn't what these people were after. No, they wanted her to be part of their family, and she knew she wanted to be part of theirs too.
Her mother was no longer alive; she couldn't kill them like she had Snow. As for Judson . . . He'd show up sooner or later, but that sword had his name written all over it. Yet there was still one thing that they didn't know, and though she doubted that it would matter to the others, she knew it would to Dawson. It would be the deciding factor for it would be what made him hate her. She didn't know why, but she didn't want to lose him any more than she did any of the others. "Dawson . . . " she called his name as she finally turned to look at him.
He could not believe she had actually called him by his name. Not "kid". Not "Hey, you". But Dawson! "Yes, Faith?" he asked, his eyes meeting hers.
"There's something you have to know, and I know you're gonna hate me for it but it's gonna come out sooner or later any way." She took a deep breath. "That sword I mentioned? The one I was going to give you? The one that I had made for the preacher who ra . . . who did everything he did to me?"
Jack looked at Faith. He wanted to tell her, 'Don't tell him,' because he was afraid of what Dawson's reaction would be, but he also knew that the kid would find out sooner or later and that it was better for Faith to come clean now. He hoped Dawson would not take it to the point that he wanted to kill Faith. "Faith," Jack said, "are you sure?"
She could tell from the sound of Jack's voice that he'd moved closer to her in concern. It was only then that she realized that he knew what she did, but she wasn't surprised. Jack was smarter than he let on to most people. Swallowing her fear down, she nodded.
Jack knelt beside her and took her hand. "Go ahead then."
She took a deep breath before continuing, "I swore I'd never use it on any being until I killed him with it. But I did the day we met. Dawson . . . " Her tear-filled eyes that were as frightened as a kitten's looked up into his. " . . . I used it on your father. I . . . I killed him . . . " She braced herself, tensing for the tirade, both physical and verbal, that she believed was about to come.
Dawson leaned forward and put his hand on Faith's mouth. "I don't want to know the details, but you did that for me?" He could not believe that some one had actually stood up for him, even to the point of killing his hated Father. She had not even had a chance to know him yet she had stood up for him. He moved his hand from her mouth and sat back.
Faith nodded. "You didn't have to tell me what he'd done for me to know. I know what he did to you, and I couldn't just let him get away with it. You're a good boy, Dawson . . . a good man . . . You didn't deserve that, and I knew no one else would make him pay."
Dawson lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. She had actually called him a man! Was there a chance for him? "Faith, no one else ever stood up for me. I tried, but every time I did, I got slapped down and mounted again. He drove my Mother away and into prostitution, and all he wanted the whole time was me -- males. It's one thing to be in love with a guy, but it's another to be abused by one. He practiced every kind of painful thing he could do to me, and I was powerless in his grip. When I started fighting back against him and actually scoring a hit or two, that's when he wanted to sell me. That was after we had our encounter. I never had a woman before. You brought me pleasure, but it was so quickly over . . . I long for you. I love you. I don't hate you for taking my Father out. The bastard deserved to die. I just wasn't man enough to do it." He did not let go of her hand but held it.
His words blew her away, but she dared not answer the ones who meant the most to her. Instead, holding his gaze, she told him, "Being man enough didn't have anything to do with it. I may have killed my Mother, but the one who really treated me the way your father did you . . . He's the one who got away."
"He won't always get away. One day, he'll be within your grasp again," Dawson told her, "and you will get your revenge on him or I will kill him for you."
The thought of Dawson attempting to kill Judson nearly made her laugh, but she managed to silence it with a grin. It was then that she was overtaken by a sudden, mischievous urge. She snaked her hands out of both Dawson's and Jack's grasp.
Jack wondered what kind of crap was now going to hit the fan. He had thought they had been making progress with her. What had caused her to change her mind!
Dawson gulped. Uh-oh, she doesn't want me killing anybody for her! She's mad 'cause I offered!
In battle, Faith tended to move faster than the eye could see, and her actions then were at the same speed as she rolled into the boys, grasping them in a hug.Jack hugged Faith, surprise filling him. After all the fighting, was it finally going to be just this easy to get her to let them in? He hoped it would be, but with Faith, he doubted it.
Dawson had Faith hugging him. He was close enough that his lips almost touched hers, and he went the extra, taking her lips with his and kissing her greedily before she changed her mind. He had seen others French kiss, and he now tried to do the same thing to her.
As Dawson's lips captured hers, Faith's parted underneath his, welcoming him despite her surprise. She was even more surprised when his tongue found its way into her mouth, but her own rubbed against his, sparking a heated duel.
Jack moved out of the way. It looked as though the two young ones were going to get it on right in their midst! He sat back with a grin. It was still mid-morning, but the morning had brought so many surprises and dangers their way and yet happiness as well. He wondered what the rest of the day would hold. He figured Will would be very mad at him for having left him behind and wanted to make it up to him as soon as they got back to camp, but there still would not be any time until they got to the house for safety. He would show Will some action this night without interruptions, he hoped.
Lex smiled. Dawson was locked in an embrace with Faith, and it looked like there was going to be hot sparks flying everywhere! He cleared his throat. "Hate to interrupt you two, but we really need to get a move on before those raptors come back."
Clark, who had quickly revived, now sat up and kissed Lex. Lex kissed him back, and as their kisses grew, he forgot all about breaking up Dawson and Faith.
Angel assisted Katrina to her feet. "Too bad you don't have powers of teleportation."
"Ain't it the truth?" Katrina told him. "I hate to break this great loving up, but we really must move."
Jack cleared his throat. "Gotta get on the road, Lex . . . Faith. Let the boys up."
Lex blushed but released Clark. Dawson was too dazed to move, especially as he felt Faith's hand stroking his risen sword through the fabric of his pants. Lex stood and pulled Clark to his feet. "Faith, do you need to be carried?"
It was only then that Faith at last pulled back from Dawson. She still couldn't believe that he did not hate her but still wanted her even in the light of her killing his father or that the others still wanted to be her family despite her revelations. Any one else would have turned away from her, but not these people, not her . . . her family . . . Getting to her feet and offering Dawson a hand, she looked back to Lex. "No," she answered him, "but . . . there is one more thing I have to say . . . "
"What's that?" Lex asked as he reached out and hugged Faith.
Choosing to let Dawson help himself, Faith withdrew her hand so that she could hug Lex back. She still was not used to the mushiness of letting her feelings out or to hugs, but they all felt so wonderful that she could not help herself. To finally be loved still brought tears to her eyes. "I . . . I'm kind of sorry that I've been such a bitch to you all . . . but I've never known any other way . . . I thought I couldn't believe any of you or in family or in any of that, but now . . . now I know better . . . "
Katrina stepped forward and hugged Faith. "It's okay, little sister. It will take you time to get used to us, but at least now you're willing to let us in."
She moved back and let Angel hug Faith. "Welcome to the family, little sister."
He moved back, and Clark hugged her.
"I wanna a hug! I wanna a hug!" Salem said. He couldn't figure out how to reach Faith from the ground but finally leapt for her chest, praying her arms would open up. Faith caught him, but she did more than hug him. She gave him a gentle hug but brushed her lips across the top of his furry head.
Salem purred loudly. He was home at last! Where Faith was, he knew he belonged, and now she had finally accepted him. Things were going to get a lot easier.
Faith looked back at Dawson to find him still laying on the ground. She grinned. "Kid," she spoke the word teasingly as she held her hand back to him, "you getting up?"
"Oh, yes! Straight into Heaven!" he told her, his eyes never leaving hers. He took her hand, got to his feet, and hugged her and Salem. He knew they had a lot of hard things to go through yet before they got off the island, including those awful raptors, but he wasn't worried. He knew they'd survive as long as they were together. They headed off, holding hands, toward the camp, following Jack and the others.
