DILAN'S P.O.V.
Dilan frowned as she regained consciousness. Seriously? She was still alive? Jesus, the world must love her. Or love seeing her suffer, either one she wasn't sure yet. Wait? It was real right? She was out? All of that happened didn't it? It wasn't just some crazy hallucination induced by the drugs. Thinking about it now it made sense. Why the hell would Levi risk his life to save her anyway. The guy openly hates her, doesn't he?
Panicking a bit now, Dilan opened her eyes, looking around in a alarm and trying to sit up. She hissed as a violent pain shot through her whole body. Her eyes weren't focusing, where was she?
"Hey... easy." A deep voice said from somewhere that instantly relaxed her before someone was gently pushing her back down into the bed by her shoulders.
"L-Levi?" She whispered hoarsely. Her whole fucking throat was scratched up. She winced as she lifted her arm to rub her eyes. Everything was becoming a bit clearer now.
"Yeah, stupid. Your back at the corps, safe. So, relax." Levi said simply and Dilan took a breath, calming down. She was safe. She wasn't back there.
Dilan blinked a few times before her eyes focused and confirmed that she was indeed in the infirmary. Levi was in the armchair beside her bed. She looked down at herself, observing all of the bandages. They had really done a number on her. She looked back at Levi in time to catch him with a slightly worried look before he pushed it off of his face. Dilan decided to ease his concern, even if he didn't want her to know it was there. She could see it was. He was a good guy after all. He cared; he just didn't like people thinking he did.
"Do I look pretty?" She asked with a grin, gesturing to her very beaten self. Levi glared at her for a moment before cracking a small smirk and rolling his eyes.
"No." He replied. Dilan feigned hurt.
"How rude. I think I look pretty fucking neat, considering. Now stop being a dick and help me up." She huffed.
"I'm not your nurse." He retorted. Dilan glared at him.
"Fine, I'll do it myself. If I rip a stitch that's on you." She smirked evilly, starting to push herself up and cursing heavily. Levi couldn't watch for long before he stood up with a scowl and helped her sit up with her back to the wall. She winced and took a breath as the pain calmed down, sighing in relief. She felt better now she was sitting. "Thank you, sir." She grinned cheekily. Levi glared at her and sat back down.
"Quit it with the sir. You're pissing me off." He spat. Dilan laughed weakly.
"Sure. Sure. What are you doing here then?" She raised an eyebrow. Levi frowned and looked away.
"Hiding from Erwin." He replied after a moment, crossing his arms. Dilan wasn't expecting that.
"Why?" She asked. Levi sighed, raking a hand through his hair.
"Because I may have gone behind his back to get you out." He mumbled and Dilan's eyes widened. That's why the corps weren't there.
"Why the hell would you do that? He must have been pissed after our last trip in the underground." Dilan said, exasperated. Levi smirked a bit.
"Oh, he was. I was on probation before. My ice is so thin right now you can see the fucking cracks in it." Levi chuckled humourlessly. Dilan sighed, guilt twisting in her stomach.
"You shouldn't have risked your job for me. Why would you do that?" Dilan asked quietly, not meeting his eyes.
"You asked me to come, so I did." Levi shrugged. Dilan smiled a bit, rolling her eyes.
"You're not terrible. An asshole, sure, but you're not terrible." She teased. Levi let out a puff of amusement.
"And you're a brat." He teased back. Dilan frowned.
"But!" She encouraged aggressively. Levi smirked at her.
"But... your tolerable." He added. Dilan smiled in satisfaction.
"There, was that so hard?" She grinned. Levi sighed.
"Yes." He replied and Dilan laughed a bit. There was a peaceful silence before she had to get some more information.
"So... what's wrong with me? How long have I been out? And what can I do to make sure you and Hanji keep your jobs?" She asked, getting straight to the point. Levi looked to her curiously for a moment but replied as she wanted.
"You're fucked up but there's no permanent damage. Hanji operated and said you should be fine. Got a few more broken ribs though. You've been out 2 days. It's why I've been managing to avoid facing the music from Erwin so far. Hanji's been trying to reason with him but the bastards being a stubborn bitch. Hasn't even let the squad know your alive yet. And you can't do anything. What will happen, will happen." Levi shrugged, sitting back in his chair. Dilan frowned. Not if she could help it.
"Well there must be something. What if we change the story? Say Han was using blackmail so you couldn't tell Erwin." Dilan suggested. Levi looked grateful that she was trying to help them but shook his head.
"Hanji already told him everything. Besides I doubt that would work." He said. Dilan bit at her lip, trying to think of another option.
"Okay... well..." She tried, shifting a bit she winced as she put pressure on her ribs.
"Brat stop fucking moving. Rest okay, you've done enough." Levi said sternly but his voice was a bit less harsh that usual. Dilan took a breath to calm the pain, leaning her head back on the wall and turning it slightly to look at Levi.
"What have I done? Just caused you trouble." She muttered, annoyed with herself. Levi scoffed.
"Don't give yourself so much credit." He countered but Dilan was not amused. She was a fuck up. All she ever did was fuck up people's lives. Oh great. She felt herself slipping into an episode. What perfect timing. Levi seemed to notice she was going to a dark place as he was quick to add. "You've done a lot. You saved Tabitha, you saved Hanji, you saved all those kids, you saved me... twice. That's a whole lot of people that would be dead if you didn't do something. Look, I know I've been a major ass, but I was wrong about you and I was hoping we could wipe the slate clean and start again?" He said, trying to be as casual as possible but his tone betrayed his nervousness. Dilan smiled, his words pulling her out of the darkness. He was a good guy. She was wrong about him too.
"I'd like that." She said genuinely. Levi nodded, unsure of what to say now. Dilan had to sit back a laugh at the man's social awkwardness. "So, we friends now?" She asked with a cheeky grin. Levi gave her a dead pan look.
"Don't push it brat." He said, monotoned and Dilan laughed.
"Sure thing." She replied as there was a knock on the door and Dilan tensed a bit. She had to remind herself where she was. Calm down, Dilan. Get your shit together.
"You alright brat?" Levi asked, raising an eyebrow. Dilan swallowed and forced a nod as the door opened and Erwin came through, followed closely by a defeated looking Hanji.
"Levi-" Erwin started in a stern voice before noticing she was awake. As did Hanji and a wide smile came to her face.
"Dil!" Hanji grinned and was clearly about to pounce on her.
"Hanji." Erwin warned in a low voice and the scientist stopped, tensing a bit. Dilan frowned, not liking the way the blonde bastard was talking to her friend.
"I'll um... I'll go do my work. We'll talk later Dil." Hanji muttered, mostly to herself before walking away. Dilan bit her lip to stop from lashing out at the man. How was this Hanji's fault? Why was he being such a dick?
"So, your awake." Erwin said seriously, crossing his arms.
"Yeah, I am. I don't know what the fuck your problem is, but you better come out and say it right now." She hissed, ignoring Levi's warning look to back down. Erwin let out a humourless laugh and started walking closer to her.
"My problem, cadet, is that you directly disobeyed orders to stay in the town and entered the underground. My problem is that you dragged Levi into your shenanigans and almost got him killed. My problem is that two of my most trusted, high ranked soldiers thought it would be best to put on a fucking play than tell me the truth. My problem is that you dragged them into your shit and now I have to punish them for insubordination." He hissed, getting right up in her face. Dilan squashed down her rising panic and glared back.
"You want to blame someone, Erwin. Blame yourself. It's always your fault. Always. If I'm such a troublemaker, then why the hell did you enlist me? It's not Hanji or Levi's fault for helping me, I asked them to help me. I'm sorry about that, sir, but I guess being in hell for a month messes up the bigger picture. The problem here is that your subordinates don't trust you enough to do the right thing and spend manpower on helping a piece of underground scum like me. The problem, Erwin, is that you lack dignity. You're a fucking reptile. Punish yourself." Dilan hissed back venomously. Levi's eyes widened, looking between the two as they continued to glare at each other, neither relenting.
Finally, Erwin took a step back and sighed.
"Perhaps your right... I shouldn't have enlisted you. I'll have the MP's pick you up for incarceration at their earliest convenience." Erwin said simply before turning to the door. Dilan's eyes widened in dread. She wouldn't survive in prison. That was worse than the fucking underground.
"Erwin, wait." Levi said before he made it out of the room. Dilan shook her head, trying to tell him not to fuck up his position here even more. He ignored her.
"Yes?" Erwin turned, glaring at the raven.
"I need her." Levi said seriously, standing up. Erwin blinked, not expecting that. Dilan was a little taken back too if she was honest.
"You... need her?" He questioned. His tone dropping from angry to curious. Levi nodded.
"She's the only one in this regiment I would trust as my second. If all of this shit has proven anything it's that she has my back. She's saved my life twice. Out there in the field, that's what I need. I don't need someone with high stats or a prestigious rep, I need someone who has my back. It's the only way this squad of yours is going to work." Levi said earnestly. Dilan blinked at him. Did he really trust her? Or was that just his attempt to stop Erwin. Either way Dilan was grateful. She hoped he trusted her though. After all he went through to save her, he had earnt her trusts too. And that was a big deal after everything she's been through.
"And what makes you think I still want you as Captain?" He asked sternly and Dilan saw Levi falter slightly before his eyes hardened.
"Because I'm your best. It would be illogical to take me out of the running forever. I'm ready to lead my own team and you know it. And you know I'd do anything to protect my teammates. This just cements that fact." Levi replied, crossing his arms.
Erwin stared at him for a while, his eyes calculating something Dilan couldn't see.
"Very well. Rest up, Dilan. I'm expecting great things, you better prove your worth." Erwin said firmly before turning and leaving the room. Dilan let out a massive breath as Levi sat down in shock.
"Fuck. Thanks for that." Dilan mumbled, still stunned. Levi sighed, snapping out of it.
"Well you didn't make it easy. The fuck you doing threatening the commander?!" He rolled his eyes. Dilan laughed.
"I didn't threaten him. Just pointed out a few facts. One being... he's a dick." Dilan grinned. Levi let out a puff of amusement and shook his head in disbelief. There was silence for a moment before Dilan couldn't bite back the question anymore. "You mean any of that?" She asked, quietly. Levi looked at her, taking a moment to figure out what to say.
"Yes. I trust you and I want you as my second when I'm Captain. Fair warning though, most people don't have my trust. I wouldn't advise breaking it." Levi said seriously, not a threat, just a warning. Dilan nodded.
"I get it and I won't." She replied, just as serious. Levi looked satisfied with the answer and leant back in his chair. Dilan sighed, glad it worked out for now.
"I trust you too." She added quietly, not looking directly at him. She caught Levi smile slightly out of the corner of her eye.
LEVI'S P.O.V.
Levi stayed for a while, for some reason he was reluctant to leave the brat without company. Maybe he didn't want her going over what happened. They didn't talk but he could tell she appreciated the quiet presence and the look on her face told him she wasn't in a dark place which made him content. He still had no idea what happened to her in that hell hole. He wasn't sure he ever wanted to. Still, eventually he saw Dilan's eye lids start to get heavy and frowned, knowing she was trying to stay awake. So, he ordered her to go to sleep. She tried to protest but a yawn cut her off and she wouldn't argue back after that. Levi left the infirmary while she settled down and was about to head to find the squad to tell them the brat was indeed alive when an annoying shit cut off his plans.
"Levi!" Hanji's shrill voice called down the hallway. Levi sighed and stopped moving, turning around to face her.
"Dilan's asleep, you shouldn't wake her up yet with that annoying voice of yours." Levi spoked up before she opened her mouth, feeling like it needed to be said. Hanji gave him a curious look which made him frown before getting back to the point.
"So, I talked to Erwin again after your talk in the infirmary. We're on probation but otherwise in the clear." She grinned. Levi sighed, that was a bit of relief. "Glad it all worked out, aren't you?" She smiled happily.
"Hm. Was the brat worth all that effort though?" He mused. Hanji frowned and punched him on the arm. "The fuck was that for?" He hissed. Hanji smirked and put her hands on her hips. He didn't like that look one bit.
"Here's some life advice from your elder and role model." She started.
"Your 8 years older than me and a shitting pig would be a better role model." Levi deadpanned. Hanji ignored him.
"You've found someone that understands you and can look past that grumpy attitude of yours. Don't fuck it up." She said. Levi scowled at her.
"This again? Me and the brat barely tolerate each other, stop bringing up a fucking relationship." He hissed, completely done with this conversation. Hanji rolled her eyes, unperturbed by his aggressions.
"I'm not talking about that yet, Levi." She said in an annoyed tone. Levi did not like the 'yet' part. "What I'm trying to say is. You have no friends." Hanji said bluntly. Levi was one wrong word away from sucker punching her in the face. "I'm not trying to be a bitch. I'm just stating facts. We both know you see me, not as a friend, more like an annoying older sister." Oddly accurate. "You respect the squad and they respect you, but you don't hang out with them, you're not friends. You and Mike are like brothers and Erwin? The fuck if I know. Friendly enemies sound about right." She shrugged to herself. Levi sighed.
"What is the point of this? I know full well how unsociable I am and there's a very real reason for that." Levi pointed out; his tone less angry, more depressed. Hanji gave him a sad smile.
"I know. But everyone needs friends Levi. You can't push people away forever. You and Dilan could be great friends, I know it. Sure, you got off to a rocky start-" Levi rolled his eyes. Rocky is an understatement. "-but I know you care about her. You risked a lot to save her. More than a simple debt for her pushing you out of the way of that bullet. I saw the look on your face when we found her in that room." Hanji pointed out. Levi frowned at the mention. He hated the brat looking so defenceless.
"She didn't deserve that. No one does." He mumbled. Hanji sighed sadly and leant on the wall.
"Exactly. I feel the same way. It doesn't make you weak to admit it Levi. She's a good person and you care about her." Hanji provoked. Levi glared at her clenching his jaw. Hanji wasn't wrong and he hated her for that.
"Fine." He gritted out and Hanji smirked in triumph. "I care about her. She's a part of the squad. Part of my future squad. I'm not a monster, I do care about people. But you think we're going to skip down the hall together and braid each other's hair you're fucking crazy. She's a comrade. That's it." Levi said firmly. Hanji laughed and shook her head.
"Whatever you say. Thanks for the mental picture though. I should have that painted." She chuckled, walking off. Levi rolled his eyes and moved towards the mess hall. It should be about lunchtime. The squad hadn't seen him yet either. Still thinks he was on leave. This is going to be a surprise.
Levi got to the mess hall and made it over to their squad, dropping in his normal seat with a sigh. The squad gave him tired smiles hello, clearly exhausted from training before getting back to their meal. Levi counted three seconds before they all snapped their heads back round.
"Levi, what the hell?! You should be on leave!" Tabitha exclaimed. Levi gave her a glare to lower her voice and she did, albeit reluctantly. Levi turned to Mike who hadn't reacted at all and continued to eat.
"Hanji briefed you then?" Levi asked, raising an eyebrow. Mike nodded. "You pissed?" He asked again. Mike looked up to him for a moment.
"No. I can see you did what was necessary. Can't say they will think the same though." Mike shrugged, dipping his spoon into the soup bowl again.
"What's going on?" Brand chuckled nervously. Levi sighed, giving Mike a glare.
"You could have told them." He mumbled. Mike smirked slightly.
"And save you the trouble? No thank you." He replied quietly.
"Huh?" Toby questioned. Levi sighed again, turning to the group.
"Here are the basics of what happened. I found out Dilan was alive. I told hanji. Me and her created the water fountain ploy so I could get some time off of work without arousing suspicion. I got out and went to the underground. I tracked down where Dilan was being held captive, and Hanji helped me recover her in Han's second secret basement. We fought Kenny the ripper. Brought Dilan back here. Hanji operated, since she had internal bleeding and other shit wrong with her. Erwin chewed us both out for insubordination. We're on probation. The brat is fine, resting in the infirmary. Simple. Any questions? No is a viable answer." Levi said in a monotoned voice. Mike chuckled as the whole squad gaped at him.
"Unbelievable." Mike mumbled under his breath. Tabitha was the first to snap out of it.
"Dilan's alive?!" She snapped. Levi nodded.
"SHE'S WHAT!?" Johnson yelled.
"No fucking way!" Brand chimed in.
"But-but you said!" Toby's voice wavered, his eyes watering up a bit. Levi sighed.
"I know what I said. I was wrong." Levi replied. Tabitha growled, standing up.
"You asshole! You said she was dead! We've spent this whole time grieving when we should have been looking for her! She was being tortured that whole time!" She yelled and the mess hall started to quiet down.
"Cadet. Lower your voice." Mike said sternly. Tabitha took a few deep breaths, glaring at Levi.
"You abandoned her." She choked out. Brand stood up to put his hand on Tabitha's shoulders for support. "You made us abandon her." Tabitha teared up. Levi sighed. They were right after all.
"You're not wrong. I was sure she was dead, but she wasn't, and I abandoned her. You have every right to be pissed. Just know that once I realised, she was alive, I did everything in my power to save her." Levi replied simply. Tabitha's eyes widened a bit, seeing the scratched upside of Levi's face where it had collided with Kenny's boot.
"I'm still very mad at you. But you got her back. I need to see her." Tabitha said decisively, moving forward. Levi caught her arm and she glared at him.
"Calm down. You can see her as much as you want. Just give it a few hours. She's in pretty bad shape and she was resting when I left her." Levi explained. Tabitha was reluctant but nodded. Levi let go and she sat back down again.
"W-what happened to her in there?" Toby asked hesitantly. Levi sighed.
"I don't think we want to know."
DILAN'S P.O.V.
Dilan snapped her eyes open as she heard the click of the door before it started creaking open. Her breath hitched and she felt her pulse start to speed up as the man came in and smirked looking her up and down. This was her chance. This was what she had been waiting for. The man had a weapon. She just needed him distracted for a bit while she grabbed it. Easier said than done.
"Aren't you just lovely." He grinned, walking over to her. Dilan shivered and supressed a growl. He licked his lips and took her chin between her fingers. "You and I are going to have some fun." He whispered in her ear.
Dilan woke with a jump, wide eyes searching around the room. Her breathing was wild and painful as she put strain on her ribs and stomach, bolting upright. Looking around her she was met with an empty infirmary. It was good really. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. Dilan hugged her knees to her chest, ignoring the pain as her eyes got blurry with tears and the air started getting too thick to swallow. She still couldn't believe it happened again. 4 years. 4 fucking years spent trying to get over that trauma. It still affected her more often than not. And now there was a pile more. She spent 4 years building up her strength so nothing like that would ever happen to her again. Would she even get over this?
Dilan whimpered as her body wracked with shakes and silent sobs. She felt disgusting, used, violated. The list goes on really. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Like someone was ripping her soul out. Why did it have to happen again? Was once not enough? Was dying on the inside once not enough? Dilan gasped painfully, crying heart wrenching sobs as she finally processed what had happened to her. She didn't think about it much there. She was so drugged up her thoughts weren't coherent enough to process it. Honestly , right now, she missed the drugs. She was glad Hanji wasn't here, she must be alone, or someone would have heard her by now. Probably sounded like she was dying. It felt like she was dying.
Dilan cried out in pain as her ribs burned painfully and she still couldn't get the oxygen into her system. Fucking panic attacks. Well at least she wasn't in an episode. That would not have ended well in a place like this. There was literally a storage room in front of her, packed full of different items that could kill her. She was tempted even now, and she wasn't in the middle of an episode. Dilan tried to even her breathing, but it wasn't working. She was in so much pain. She just wanted her brother to hug her and tell her everything was going to be alright like he always did. The boy was so optimistic and happy. It was like he shone. Even in the darkness of the underground, he was her bright light. And now he was gone she had never felt more lost in the dark. She needed something to hold onto. Something to pull her out of this before she passed out from lack of oxygen.
Dilan shook as she scrambled for something, anything to calm her down. This was one of the worst attacks she had ever had. Suddenly a familiar conversation rang through her head.
"It's a memory, right? A memory that fucks you up. The same memory that makes you freak out every now and then, that makes you cut yourself." He started; his voice distant but managing to get through. Dilan choked out a sob of frustration as the air wouldn't enter her lungs.
"I-Isn't it... always a m-memory." She forced her breathy reply. Levi nodded, sighing as he raked a hand through his hair.
"I have one too, as do most. It used to fuck me up like this... still does sometimes." He admitted. Dilan was too exhausted to be shocked at his openness. "But I realised something one day. The memory is shitty by itself. I don't need to give it power over me. So, here's my advice. Stop giving it power and calm the fuck down." He said firmly but not unkindly.
Dilan took deep shaky breaths as she repeated the memory over and over, slowly calming down. It still hurt and it always would, but Levi was right. She couldn't let it have power over her. Not if she wanted to make it through this. She didn't have her brother, but she did have people... dare she even say friends. Hanji and Tabitha. Even Brand, Toby and Johnson. She didn't mean for it to happen, but she cared about them and they had become her friends. She had Mama P and Joel down in the underground and the orphanage. Her pathetic circle had grown a bit. She had more people she could rely on, talk to. She wasn't alone. She needed to remember that. Even Levi had her back. Although his kindness was very sporadic. They weren't exactly friends or enemies. They had an understanding. She trusted him to have her back during battle and he trusted her the same way. Maybe they would become friendlier in the future but who knows. It was unlikely if the guy didn't sort out that shitty attitude of his.
Dilan flinched slightly as there was a knock on the infirmary door and quickly wiped her eyes. It opened slowly and Dilan couldn't help the smile that formed on her face as Tabitha's head poked around the corner. She had really missed the girl during torture. Once Tabs saw Dilan was up and awake, she gasped and pushed the door open with a considerable amount of force, choking out a small sob as she ran to her, skidded to her knees beside the hospital bed and hugged Dilan tightly. Dilan bit back a winced and chuckled instead, hugging the girl back as she broke down in her arms.
"Hey, Tabs. Don't cry." She comforted gently. Her throat was a bit scratched up from her own recent hysterical crying. Tabitha continued to cry, and Dilan looked up as there were more gasped from the door and she lookedto see the rest of the squad including Mike standing there looking at her like she was a ghost. Dilan offered a small smile, patting the freckled girls back for comfort. "Hey guys. Miss me?" She grinned cheekily.
"Holy shit." Brand breathed.
"Y-you're really alive!" Johnson added stupidly and Dilan rolled her eyes.
"Yup. Quick one, aren't you, Johnson?" She teased, earning herself an amused smile from Mike.
The boys took a moment before cracking a smile back and rushing over to her. They were clearly about to hug her, and it made Dilan freeze up in fear for a second before luckily Tabitha came to the rescue, turning and growling at them.
"She's mine. Find your own underground girl." Tabitha hissed and the boys backed up a bit, paling slightly. Dilan laughed and moved up on the bed a bit, ignoring her pulsing injuries and patted the space next to her. Tabitha didn't hesitate to crawl into the bed next to her, wrapping both her arms around her and kissing the side of her head multiple times. Dilan laughed and hugged her friend back, really appreciating the support right now. However, it wasn't long before Tabitha broke down again. "I-I'm so sorry." She sobbed into Dilan's shoulder. Dilan blinked at her and the others as guilt twisted on their faces.
"What for?" She asked. Tabitha mumbled something incoherent, completely falling apart so Brand answered for her.
"We were supposed to have your back! We were supposed to look out for you." Brand breathed out shakily, regret in his tone.
"We shouldn't have just accepted that you died. We should have looked for you." Johnson sniffed, not meeting her eyes.
"W-we're so s-sorry you went through w-whatever you did. You didn't deserve it. E- especially not after risking y-your life to save all those kids." Toby's voice broke and he wiped at his teary eyes. Dilan looked at them in surprise, not expecting that. She was kind of expecting them to be mad at her for ditching them in Sina. However, she quickly got over her surprise and smiled reassuringly.
"I appreciate it but don't be sorry. Shit happens and I'm still alive right? Besides all the children were rescued so I have no regrets. I wouldn't have done anything differently. Don't be upset. Please." She pleaded, speaking more to Tabitha as the others seemed to have perked up a bit knowing she didn't blame them. Tabitha sniffed and calmed down a bit.
"I'm still sorry." She mumbled. Dilan smiled and stroked her hair.
"I'm sorry I left you with the boys for so long. All of that testosterone must have been irritating to deal with." She teased, smirking at the boys as they half glared, half laughed at her. Tabitha snorted with amusement and wiped her face, lifting her head up again.
"It really was. I missed you so fucking much." She sniffed. Dilan smiled.
"Missed you too. Tortures a lot more boring than you'd think." She joked; she had such a dark sense of humour. While the boys looked horrified, Tabitha simply laughed again and hugged her close.
"You're fucking weird." She smiled. Dilan chuckled and hugged her back, sighing in content.
"I know." She replied, blinking back the tears. She really needed this.
"Aw come on Tabs your hogging her, we want hugs too." Brand frowned. The others laughed and rolled their eyes while Dilan did her best not to freak out at the thought of a man touching her, hugging Tabitha a little tighter subconsciously. Fortunately, Mike seemed to catch onto her dread, like the quick bastard he was, and jumped in.
"Just let the girls stay where they are for the moment. Dilan shouldn't move too much, it could aggravate her injuries." Mike said logically. Brand frowned a bit but nodded in understanding. Dilan breathed out subtly in relief and sent Mike a grateful look. He gave her a small smile in return, probably guessing what she'd been through. He was perceptive but Dilan imagined Hanji had briefed him about the mission. "How are you feeling?" He asked. Dilan sighed, pulling back from Tabitha a bit to lean her head on the tall girl's shoulder, smiling in content as the girl stroked her long black hair through.
"Tired." She mumbled sleepily and the others laughed lightly.
"Fair enough." Mike chuckled. "We'll leave you for a bit then. Get better, I need you in top form for the next expedition." Dilan smiled and nodded.
"Yes, sir." She replied. He nodded in approval and gestured for the boys to leave. They said their goodbyes, telling her how happy they were she was back and hoping she'd get better soon before leaving. As soon as they did Tabitha sniffed again.
"Dil, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have just trusted Levi's word. That bastards always had something against you. Did something happen? Did he leave you?!" She asked frantically. Dilan blinked at her. Her friend was so protective. She reminded her of her brother sometimes. Dilan smiled and shook her head.
"It wasn't Levi's fault. I was virtually dead when he left me after I told him to. He would have carried me but there was a little girl. He couldn't carry us both, don't be mad at him." Dilan defended, feeling weirdly protective over the man. Was it friendship? Or the mutual understanding of having the others back? Tabitha sighed and backed down a bit.
"Okay. I stop giving the short bastard a hard time." She huffed. Dilan laughed and shook her head in disbelief.
"There was a time when you kissed his ass." Dilan teased. Tabitha scoffed.
"As if. I was just slightly terrified of him. But then you came along and put him in his place in your own weird way. Besides, I kicked your ass and you've kicked his so he's not as scary anymore." Tabitha teased back. Dilan snorted.
"Yeah right, Tabs. You haven't kicked my ass since day one in training. And I was injuried lets remember. I'd like to see you take me on when I'm all healed up." She grinned. Tabitha grinned back and ruffled Dilan's hair.
"Sure, girl. It's on." She snickered. Dilan smiled happily and relaxed against her friend. She really missed this. Tabitha was the only girl friend she had ever had, besides Hanji, but Hanji was more like a crazy older sister. "So, come on. We can't ignore the elephant in the room forever. What happened to you?" Tabitha asked softly. Dilan tensed nonetheless and sat up a bit to look at her older friend.
"I..." Dilan faltered, cursing herself for being so weak. She couldn't do this. Not yet anyway. "I'm sorry Tabs. I'm not ready to talk about it." She muttered, looking at her hands. A comforting pat on the shoulder had her looking into her friends' warm brown eyes again. The eyes that used to hold so much pure hatred for her but now only held love and friendship. How things have changed.
"Don't stress. I'll be here when you want to talk. Okay?" She said cheerfully. Dilan nodded and smiled her thanks, laying back down again, cuddling into her tall friends' side. "Get some sleep. We can talk more later." She mumbled. Dilan nodded and closed her eyes, letting the feeling of comfort and protection wash over her, lulling her to sleep. She had really missed this girl.
When Dilan woke again, it was dark outside. Tabitha was gone and Dilan expected she had been gone for a while. Although there was a note on the bedside table letting her know she'd be back to visit in the morning and would bring breakfast for the two of them with extra apples. Dilan smiled at it, a warm spreading through her chest. It felt nice to be thought about and looked after. It was a feeling she didn't experience often as stubborn and independent as she was. Dilan sighed and hissed as she sat up. It probably would have been smarter to push through the tiredness and then slept through the night since she felt wide awake now. Although the tiredness came and went quite quickly thanks to the pain medication so who knows.
Dilan sighed and raked a hand through her long black hair, tapping her fingers on her thighs silently wishing for something to keep her mind off of it. The room was so silent, nothing was stopping her thoughts. Her thoughts were dangerous.
Like some sort of angel, the door opened to reveal Hanji and Dilan sighed in relief.
"Hanji!" She called with a smile and the woman's head snapped back round to her with a grin so happy it was almost terrifying.
"DILAN!" she screamed and ran over to her, jumping on the bed and hugging her. Dilan laughed, muffling a pained cough with her arm. The woman did not know her own strengths it seemed. Hanji pulled back to smile widely. "You've been sleeping all day, I've missed you!" She said kindly, standing up and pulling the armchair closer to the bed so she could sit down in it. Dilan smiled back.
"Yeah. Guess torture takes a lot out of you." She chuckled, cringing slightly as Hanji's eyes filled with sadness. Guess not everyone shared her dark humour. "Hey, I'm alive right? And that's thanks to you, Hanji. You and Levi. Thank you for saving me." She said sincerely. Hanji smiled again and nodded.
"Of course. Your welcome, Dil. It was boring without you around here anyway. Short stack was a real nightmare." She sniggered, standing and gesturing Dilan lift her shirt slightly so she could examine her injuries. Dilan did so and raised a curious eyebrow.
"Levi?" She asked. Hanji nodded.
"Oh yeah. He's been a real bitch since you went missing. In his defence, we all deal with grieve in different ways." She mused. Dilan frowned in confusion. Levi grieving? Because of her? Surely not.
"I doubt it was grief. Probably just pissed I got the last word." Dilan replied and Hanji laughed, nodding slightly.
"Perhaps." She chuckled and left the conversation at that while she checked Dilan out. When she was done, Hanji sat back down and took Dilan's hand. Dilan blinked at the serious but still kind expression on the normally crazy woman's face. "Dilan... the place we found you in..." Hanji started, and Dilan tensed subconsciously at the mention. Hanji sighed, noticing her reaction. "I'm aware you may not be ready to talk about it and I can't blame you for that. I can't even imagine the traumas you've been through." She said sadly, tearing up a bit.
Dilan swallowed hard.
"But firstly, if you do ever want to talk, I'm here. You understand, that right?" She asked. Dilan forced a nod, trying not to show how uncomfortable she was since the woman was only trying to be nice. "And secondly..." Hanji let go of Dilan to stand up, retrieving a glass of water and a couple of pills from the side. Dilan blinked at them in confusion. "These pills are what we give to the women here at the corps to prevent pregnancy, should they so wish to engage in those types of activities in their spare time. But they also help to stop pregnancy once it has occurred. Now I did take some blood and put the results in this envelope, which I haven't looked at yet and I promise I won't if you don't want me too." She explained and Dilan felt her pulse speed up in panic. She hadn't thought about this. Shit, shit, shit. "I'll leave the envelope here. And the pills. You can do what you want with both. Do you want some space?" Hanji asked softly and Dilan nodded quickly, looking down at her hands. Hanji smiled sadly in understanding and left the infirmary leaving her alone.
Dilan covered her hand with her mouth to prevent a sob as she looked at the envelope on the side of the bed. Was she pregnant? She was so drugged up she wasn't completely sure whether the man and finished before she stabbed him to death. God, could things get any worse?
Dilan took a shaky breath and wiped her eyes, trying to calm down. It had only been a week. If there was something wrong and she took the pills now surely everything would be fine. Should she check? If she looked at the results, then her mind could be at ease, right? Or it could make everything worse. Dilan bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly, willing the fox to come back to for this decision. Willing herself to become the ruthless killer that she seemed to have lost somewhere down the road.
Dilan opened her burning amber eyes and nodded decisively, her shaking gone. There was no point checking. It would only bring her pain. Dilan took the pills and swallowed them down with the water. She stood with a hiss and grabbed the envelope, shuffling over to the sink where she grabbed some matches and lit the paper on fire, dropping it in the metal surface and watching the orange burn and the paper blacken. She waited there, staring emotionlessly until the paper turned to ash and the flames sizzled out. She washed the black down the sink and sunk back into bed, turning her back to the door and closing her eyes. She didn't feel sad. She just felt numb like she used to. Wasn't a bad feeling. It just was what it was. Hanji came in a while later and called her name softly, asking if she was awake. Dilan ignored her and kept her eyes closed. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want anything. She just wanted to disappear.
Triggers: mentions of rape. Suicide thoughts.
A/N: This was a sad but necessary chapter but we did have some nice bits at the beginning so don't hate me too much. Dilan is trying hard to deal with the trauma, finally processing what happened to her. She needs to deal with it or she could end up expressing it in troubling ways again. Hopefully she'll be able to get it off her chest soon. It's right now that she really needs someone to lean on. Thanks for reading. Like and review if you have the time and I'll do my best to post the next update soon! X
