LEVI'S P.O.V.
It had been a week since he last saw the brat. From his understanding, she was doing well. The squad saw her every day and Tabitha would often skip meals at the mess hall to bring food to the girl. It still weirded him out how close they had become, even if he trusted the brat now. He hadn't talked to her since the first time she woke up. In fact, he was avoiding seeing her altogether. Hanji had freaked him out with that whole friend's thing because he knew she was right. Oddly enough, Dilan was the only one in this precinct who he could see himself becoming actual friends with. She looked past his attitude and didn't let him intimidate her. She didn't treat him like humanities strongest but like he was human, and he found himself enjoying it way too much.
But now he had realised this he realised something else. He didn't want any friends. Last time he checked having friends didn't work out well for him. He didn't want to willingly give himself that pain again. Dilan was likely to die sooner than later. Either by her own hands or by her own stupidity. There was no point getting attached to her. And yet there was another voice in his head that told him he needed a friend and maybe she did too. And then he'd curse himself for that thought since he was being stupid. The brat had plenty of friends. She didn't need him, and he didn't need her. They had a mutual understanding and that was it.
"Levi, are you listening?" Erwin's voice cut through his thoughts and he blinked, remembering where he was. He was sitting in the commander's office in the armchair, completely spacing out and ignoring whatever the blonde was saying. Levi sighed and looked at him.
"Not really." He replied bluntly. Erwin sighed and shook his head slightly before repeating.
"I called you here to talk about Dilan." He said firmly and Levi's ears pricked a bit. The blonde had gained his attention, but he didn't want him to know that.
"Sure. What about the brat?" He replied, nonchalantly but he did sit up a bit.
"I'm unsure if your aware but I have been sending cadets to the infirmary requesting Dilan's presence for another personal evaluation. We need to assess whether she is of sound mind to be put in the field again considering everything she went through in the underground." Erwin said simply and Levi's eyes widened as he remembered what her last personal evaluation did to her. A burst of protectiveness filled him, and he had half a mind to tell Erwin to fuck off for the sheer suggestion but decided to stay quiet until he had more information. "As you can imagine, the requests have not gone down well. The first cadet came back shaking. The most recent cadet had a black eye. Although in Dilan's defence he had tried to man handle her and I have given him stable duty for that." Erwin mumbled, rubbing his forehead. Levi clenched his jaw in anger. Was the bastard trying to make her snap?
"What do you want from me?" Levi asked, monotoned, straight to the point. Erwin looked up to him with icy blue eyes.
"I want you to bring her here. Hanji tells me she's fit enough to move around now. She needs this evaluation. Drag her here if you have to. You're the only one who can overpower her, even in her state." Erwin shook his head, as if disappointed in his cadets. Levi was trying to calm his bubbling anger.
"She doesn't need an evaluation Erwin." Levi stated calmly. Erwin raised an eyebrow.
"Why not?" He asked curiously. Levi clenched his fists.
"Because it will do more harm than good." He replied, gritting his teeth slightly as he remembered the distraught look on her face last time. He didn't want her to look like that again. besides. The topic of discussion is way more personal this time and he didn't trust Erwin to be respectful of that. Erwin narrowed his eyes slightly.
"Why are you protecting her?" He asked. Levi supressed a growl as he glared back.
"Why are you punishing her?" He shot back. Erwin was smart, surely, he knew what this would do to her.
"I'm not. This is mandated. I am giving you an order, Levi. Let's be clear... are you disobeying me? Whilst on probation?" Erwin asked slowly. Levi glared holes into the bastard's face, trying to think of a way out. He found none.
"No sir." He gritted out. Erwin smirked in satisfaction and Levi was seriously about to gut him.
"Very good. Bring Dilan down now then. It will just be me and her in the evaluation as Hanji is attending to business in Mitras today." Erwin said briefly and Levi's eyes widened a fraction in dread. Could the brat not catch a break? "Dismissed." He added, looking down at his papers. Levi clenched his jaw so tight he was worried his teeth were going to crack as he walked to the infirmary as slowly as possible. He had a feeling this was not going to go down well.
DILAN'S P.O.V.
Dilan sighed happily as she took another bit of her apple. These really were the best things she had ever tasted. Tabitha had just been here for breakfast, telling her a bit of the corps gossip while Dilan was indisposed. Apparently, Johnson had a girlfriend but was refusing to tell the squad who. Dilan had smirked evilly when she heard that, promising her friend that she would get it out of the boy. Tabitha had laughed loudly, giving her a hug before she left for morning training.
Things had been hard this week, Dilan wouldn't lie. The nights were the worst when she was alone, and she had been having a few depressive episodes every now and then but she was doing her best. That's all she could do really. Being with her friends helped. It was a distraction and nice company. Thankfully Tabitha had told the boys not to ask her what happened since she didn't want to talk about it. Dilan couldn't be more grateful. They didn't ask her or mention it, instead keeping the conversation light and jokey. They were good people and Dilan had missed all of them.
She had decided to put her 'kill Erwin' plan on hold for now. It wasn't a good time. She would likely have to at least be Second in command before she could enact it and she needed to build up her reputation enough for Erwin to start relying on her like he does with Levi. She needed his trust so she could eventually betray it. She was still very much going to kill the bastard. It was her life's ambition, however, the thought of betraying everyone at the corps did make her stomach churn. The squad trusted her, and she would be betraying that trust and their friendships. And Levi... he had already warned her about breaking his trust. For some reason, the thought of betraying him hurt her the most. Why? She had no idea. Maybe it was because she worked so hard to earn it. And yet her brother came first. She would avenge him, even if it meant destroying herself and the happiness, she had built in the corps.
Dilan sighed and turned her head to the door as it opened, and Levi came through. She gave him a curious look but smiled anyway. He hadn't come to see her since last time. Dilan wasn't offended. The guy had stuff to do.
"Aw, you missed me. You must have, right? A week the longest you could go without yelling at me. What did I do now?" She grinned cheekily. Levi did not look amused. But not in his usual pissed off way. He almost looked reluctant. Regretful? What was with him?
"The commander sent me. I'm here to escort you to your personal evaluation." Levi said, his usual emotionless voice holding a bit of hesitancy. Dilan's face dropped and her stomach filled with dread. Erwin had been sending his lackies to fetch her all week. It didn't exactly help her trying to deal with things if he kept bringing it up every two seconds.
"I see." She replied coldly, bringing her legs up to her chest in a poor attempt to warm the emptiness she was feeling right now. "You can tell your commander to fuck the hell right off, Levi." She said numbly, orange eyes fixated on the cabinet in front of her. Levi shifted out of the corner of her eye before he steeled himself.
"Dilan this isn't personal. I have orders to bring you using whatever methods are necessary. Please don't make this difficult." He replied. Dilan gave him a disappointed look and shook her head.
"So that's how it is." She scoffed. "You can lecture me about breaking your trust all you want and then double down and fuck me over like it's nothing. Fuck off, Levi, I'm not going." She spat. Levi clenched his jaw.
"Will you stop being a brat for five fucking minutes. I'm not trying to fuck you over. I have orders and I'm on probation. What the hell do you want from me?" Levi spat back. Dilan tore her gaze away from him to look back at the cabinet, dropping her chin onto her knees.
"Nothing. I guess I expected... never mind. I'm still scum, I'm still not worth treating humanely. Go on then, sir. Drag me back to your commander. I'm just warning you now I will not go easy." She said coldly. A flash of guilt appeared on Levi's face and they remained there in silence for a minute. Dilan's heart was beating wildly in her chest and she scrunched up the sheets with her knuckles, willing her anxiety not to show on her face at the thought of him coming anywhere near her. She was too vulnerable right now. He would win the fight. They both knew it.
Suddenly, Levi turned on his heel and left the infirmary. Dilan blinked. She didn't expect that. He just left. What a fucking weirdo.
Dilan released a breath of relief, nervously looking at the door. Was he just going to pass the job onto someone else? Or a lot of someone's? Dilan didn't know how many she could take on in her condition. But she would definitely break a few bones. Was Levi willing to risk that? What was his game?
It was a good 40 minutes before Levi returned. Dilan tensed as he walked up to her and mentally prepared herself to fight back before he grabbed the armchair and sat down in it, looking at her. Dilan blinked back. What the fuck is he doing? Trying to get my guard down?
"I talked to Erwin." He stated out of nowhere. Dilan's eyes widened slightly. He went against Erwin again? What the fuck? "I convinced him a personal evaluation was stupid and unnecessary and a waste of the commanders time. I talked him down to a simple therapy session with one of the corps' psychiatrists." Levi informed. Dilan scrunched up her nose in confusion. Therapy?
"What's a psychiatrist?" She asked, curiously, dropping her guard a bit for now.
"I guess someone with fancy qualifications for deciding whether someone's fucked up in the head or not." He shrugged. Dilan scoffed.
"Yeah right." She commented sarcastically. Levi glared at her.
"It's a real thing, brat. And you're having a meeting with one. You just talk about what happened and they'll clear you for duty." He said simply. Dilan swallowed nervously.
"I don't want to." She mumbled looking away. Levi looked positively infuriated.
"Dilan this is protocol! I just fought with the commander for fucking 30 minutes to get you this downgrade. I literally cannot do anymore to help you. If you don't talk to someone, Erwin can't put you on the field. If you're not on the field, the corps have no use for you. You will be incarcerated and there's nothing I can do about that. I've got you the best deal possible here. Just fucking take it and stop being stubborn!" He yelled, standing up. Dilan glared at him, ignoring how he helped her. She could feel guilty about being a bitch later.
"What the fuck is it going to change?! I was still tortured! I was still drugged and starved! I was still raped! What the fuck does that matter?! Me talking to someone isn't going to change anything! It's still going to hurt and that will never change... why... why did it happen again?" She choked out the words, covering her mouth to muffle a sob as tears dripped down her face. she refused to meet Levi's eyes, hiding her face in her knees as she cried, trying and failing to get a hold of herself. It just hurt too goddamn much. If felt like someone was ripped, her soul out. It wouldn't be hard. It was barely stitched back together the first time.
"Your right... it's not going to change. It's fucked up and it will always be fucked up. The pain won't die, but it will get easier." Levi said gently, sitting back down in the chair. Dilan was expecting him to leave if she was honest. She wasn't sure which she would have preferred.
"H-how do y-you know?" She said shakily, still hiding her face. There was hesitation before Levi sighed.
"My mother was a prostitute back in the underground. I'm fully aware it's not the same thing as what you went through, but I know she hated it. She only did it to provide for me after she lost her job and every time she came home; it was obvious a piece of her died. She was so broken, especially those first few months. The pain didn't go but it did get easier for her." Levi explained, guilt in his tone. Dilan was surprised he opened up. She doubted anyone else here knew about this. He was really trusting her. The fact made her calm down a bit. She wiped her eyes and lifted her head slightly to look at him. He was staring at his hands, his face straight but pain clear in his eyes.
"I'm sorry she had to go through that." Dilan said quietly. Too many women in the underground had no other choice. It made Dilan sick to think about doing that for a living, she would rather die. Maybe Levi's mother would have felt the same way if she didn't have him to look after. That's what good mothers do. They put their children first. Dilan wouldn't judge her for her choices. She respected her for them really. Levi glanced up to her and offered a small sad smile.
"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed, no one should have to talk about that against their will. The systems a load of bullshit." Levi replied sincerely. Dilan cracked a small smile and shook her head slightly.
"You did what you could. I'm sorry for being a bitch." She apologised. Levi sighed and raked a hand through his hair.
"You were right to be a bitch. A shit thing happened; you deserve to vent about it." He shrugged. Dilan smiled a bit. It wasn't so bad talking to him. Maybe she could use that.
"Would Erwin let me talk to you?" She asked, leaning the side of her head on her knees as she looked at him. Levi raised an eyebrow. "Instead of the psychiatrist, stupid." She teased slightly, rolling her eyes. Levi looked a little surprised but took the time to think about it.
"I guess he doesn't actually care about your mental health. He just wants to avoid a lawsuit. If you talked to someone about it then I guess it would be fine. But don't you want Hanji or Tabitha... or like anyone else?" Levi questioned, narrowing his eyes. Dilan chuckled a bit.
"No. I don't want them knowing and you're easy to talk to." She shrugged. Levi frowned.
"You fucking with me, brat?" He accused. Dilan smiled and rolled her eyes.
"I'll admit, most of the time I'd rather blow my own brains out than struggle through a conversation with you-" she started honestly, and Levi glared at her.
"Delightful." He mumbled.
"-but you listen. I don't want pity or judgement or any of that shit. I don't want people telling me what to do to get over it or how to deal with it. And I don't fucking want Erwin asking me the most personal questions in the world for his own amusement. If I have to talk about it, I don't want it to be some unspeakable topic. It happened. Hanji or Tabs, as much as I love them would only apologise that it did." Dilan explained logically. Levi took a moment but nodded in understanding.
"Alright brat. How do you wanna do this?" He asked simply. Dilan smiled, glad he agreed. He was actually a really nice guy. Deep down anyway.
"I guess it will be easier if you just ask me. I probably won't start on my own." Dilan admitted with a shrug. Levi nodded and crossed his arms.
"If you don't want to answer, don't push yourself. Just pass. If it gets too much, we can stop no questions asked, okay brat?" Levi asked sternly. Dilan smiled and nodded, feeling a bit more relieved now she had an out.
There was silence while Levi thought of how to start.
"What happened after I left you?" Levi asked. Dilan nodded. It made sense to start from the beginning.
"I woke up in a room. It was pitch black; I couldn't see anything. My shoulder hurt like a son of a bitch but from the straining feeling I could tell I'd had stitches. I was hanging from something, some sort of shackles. I stayed like that for a long time." Dilan sighed, settling against the wall.
"They just left you there?" Levi asked. Dilan nodded.
"For three days I think, could have been more though. Then someone came in. The light from the outside while the door opened illuminated the room a bit. Some guard came in with food and the door shut behind him. It was dark again and the guy was saying something about unchaining me to eat. Poor bastard. He lasted 20 seconds with my chains off." Dilan smirked. Levi smirked a bit back. That was what was also nice about talking to Levi. She didn't have to hold her dark nature back. She knew he had the same darkness. "Course the door was locked. So, I ate my food and waited until the door opened again. I had chained up the guy I killed in my place and was waiting for a window. But Han, the fucker, she planned it. She knew I would kill that guy. The door opened and I was grabbed and drugged before I even knew what happened." She frowned, annoyed.
"Drugged with what?" Levi asked curiously.
"No fucking clue. Sometimes it was needles, sometimes it was pills. It all did the same thing though. Made me weak and complacent." Dilan spat. Levi frowned slightly in remembrance.
"Then what happened?"
"Someone tortured me for a bit. They weren't bad but their form was off. The blows would have hurt a lot more if they centred themselves right. Fucking idiot. Still the darkness was not fun so that helped I guess." She sighed. "Then once he was done, I was left alone for a day. That's when Han paid a visit." Levi raised an eyebrow.
"She visited you?" He questioned, surprised. Dilan nodded.
"I asked what she wanted. The bitch wouldn't answer me. She talked in fucking riddles; I don't think she knew what she wanted with me. Just wanted some fun. Then anytime I spoke back she'd whack me with a cane. Fuck, I hated that cane. She was fucking accurate with her blows though; it was almost impressive. She hit the same spot every time on the back of my head. Bled like no tomorrow." She mumbled, gently touching the back of her head and wincing. "Fuck, she was a bitch." Dilan grumbled.
"Yeah, I bet she was. Fucking psychopath. When you're that old, you should just give up with life. Not build a criminal empire." Levi rolled his eyes. Dilan laughed a bit.
"Agreed. When I'm that old, will you do me a favour and put me out of my misery." She chuckled. Levi smirked.
"Sure, only if you return the favour." He offered. Dilan raised an eyebrow.
"Like a double suicide?" She questioned. Levi rolled his eyes.
"Don't get excited brat. It won't be suicide. We shoot each other same time, simple." He shrugged casually. Dilan grinned.
"What age is this?" She continued the casual tone. Levi hummed in thought.
"40?" He suggested. Dilan gave him a playful glare.
"40's so young, don't be stupid." She smiled in amusement. Levi rolled his eyes.
"Fine, brat. What do you suggest?" He mocked. Dilan ignored him and took a moment to think about it. She came to the same conclusion Levi had that any older than 40 and life was going to suck tremendously. But she didn't want to admit he was right.
"41?" She mused. Levi gave her a deadpan look.
"Seriously." He gritted. Dilan laughed.
"Yup." She grinned. Levi sighed in annoyance.
"Fine. 41. Deal?" He raised an eyebrow, extending a hand for her to shake. Dilan looked at it hesitantly. Levi seemed to realise what happened and offered a look of reassurance that he wasn't offended before trying to pull back, but Dilan took it before he could. Levi looked at her in surprise as she shook the hand but dropped it again quickly. Baby steps after all. "You didn't have to do that." Levi reminded. Dilan nodded slowly as she picked through her feelings. She wasn't scared. Not of him anyway. She would probably be alright with him being close to her but not right now. She still needed a bit more time.
"I know. But I trust you. I'm not saying I won't freak out again since I can't really control when I do but when I'm in control, I trust you not to have any ulterior motives." She explained. Levi nodded in understanding, a bit of relief on his face.
"And you don't trust the other guys?" Levi asked. Dilan sighed.
"No, not really. Trust doesn't come easy to me either. I like them, sure, and their okay to be around but I didn't like them touching me before. I don't want them anywhere near me right now." She explained. Levi nodded again.
"Understandable." He replied simply. It was the best response Dilan could ask for really and she appreciated him not calling her crazy or stupid or irrational. "So, what happened next?" Levi asked, refocusing. Dilan nodded.
"Time was weird down there but, the beatings came and went. Every now and then Han would come around and confuse the hell out of me. Then I was moved there." Dilan gritted the last bit, fisting the sheets in frustration. She took a breath and calmed down a bit. Levi looked at her with a bit of concern.
"You can stop." He reminded. Dilan shook her head.
"All things considered; the outcome wasn't terrible. A lot of the other girls had it a lot worse since they couldn't defend themselves." Dilan sighed, trying to shake the sound of their screams from her head.
"And you did?" He asked. Dilan smirked a bit.
"Why do you think they had me chained like a dog? First guy that tried it, the idiots stupidly didn't shackle my legs." Dilan explained.
"So, you snapped his neck with your thighs." Levi got there easily, smirking back a bit. Dilan nodded.
"I got thrown make in the cells for a while as punishment. Rough beatings. But it was heaven compared to there." She grimaced. Levi nodded.
"What happened when they put you back?" He asked.
"Chained my legs, not my mouth." Dilan shrugged. Levi rolled his eyes.
"You ripped a guy's throat out?" Dilan smirked.
"Course. Got put in the cell for a while longer. That's when my ribs got broken, I think." She mused. Levi nodded.
"And then..." He asked hesitantly, probably figuring it out. Dilan supressed a shiver and hugged her knees tightly as she looked straight in front of her.
"I..." she swallowed dryly. "I couldn't go on like I had... I needed to escape. S-so... I didn't do anything..." She practically whispered, blinking back the tears. Levi stayed silent, giving her the space to continue if she wanted or to stop talking. Dilan took a shaky breath and kept going. She had gotten this far. "I focused on stealing his weapon, my sole focus on the weapon. It... took me a while longer than I would have liked but I got it. I cut myself free and I stabbed the bastard to death. I made it painful and I hope he saw hell..." she gritted glaring at nothing.
"Dilan." A deep voice snapped her out of it, and she turned to face Levi's worried eyes. Dilan looked down at her hands and realised she had clenched her fists so tight the nails had pierced her palm and blood was dribbling down her wrists.
"Shit." She sighed. Fucking perfect. Levi got up and ran a clean rag under the warm water, ringing it out before coming back to her. He reached out but stopped himself.
"Can I?" He asked. The simple question threatened to make her smile. It reminder her she had a choice. She was safe with him. Besides she would make a mess of it by herself.
Dilan nodded and watched with only small reservations as Levi took one of her arms that were resting on her knees and used the material to gently soak up the blood on her arm, moving upwards until he reached the damaged bit of skin. Dilan bit back a wince as he cleaned the cuts and Levi offered an apologetic look before continuing a bit gentler if that was even possible. While his hands were calloused and scarred from years of battle, they were still careful and the grip on her arm was softer than she would have expected from such a violent man. It was clear he was being careful, and that fact lit a warmth in Dilan's chest that she liked more than she would care to admit. Once Levi finished cleaning both her arms, he bandaged her hands to stop the blood from getting everywhere before letting go of her and sitting back down. Dilan looked at her hands and forced down a blush.
"Thanks." she said quietly. Levi nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable too. Guess they were both bad at expressing themselves. No surprise there. Being nice in the underground meant your death more often than not. Dilan quickly refocused, not wanting to actually blush in front of the man. She would surely die of embarrassment if that happened. "I managed to escape. Getting out was hard considering the number of drugs I was on and the amount of guards there were but somehow the adrenaline got me through. I managed to kick down the door somehow and got out into the open. I don't even remember getting to Mama P's, but I heard the guards yelling at me and It snapped me out of the trance. Barely had time to write the message before they dragged me away." Dilan sighed. There was a beat of silence before Levi spoke up what was clearly on his mind.
"Of all the people, why'd you ask for me?" Levi asked, curiously. Dilan glanced at him.
"I guess of all the people, I thought you'd come." Dilan replied honestly. When she was writing the message, she wasn't even thinking straight. But she knew one thing. If anyone would help her it would be Levi. While the guys a huge dick, he still has some honour. Levi smiled a little bit before he physically wiped it off of his face with his hand. Dilan smirked at his obvious discomfort and Levi glared back at her. "Besides, you owed me one." She added. Levi rolled his eyes but smirked back.
"Sure." He replied dryly. Dilan chuckled.
"More beatings. More torture, blah, blah, blah. Han had only just put me back in the place and had one of her men chain me up before you found me. You know the rest." Dilan shrugged. Levi nodded, letting out a breath as they thought silently in the quiet.
"Thanks for telling me." Levi spoke up eventually. Dilan smiled a bit. She did feel a bit better now that she said it out loud.
"Thanks for listening." She replied. Levi nodded and stood, a look of confliction on his face. He clearly wanted to ask something. "Go ahead. Say it." Dilan encouraged. Levi looked at her.
"Before... you said; again. You asked why it happened again?" Levi asked carefully and Dilan immediately tensed up.
"Pass... sorry." She swallowed, not even knowing what she was apologising for. It was her business not his. Levi gave her a half-assed glare.
"Don't be stupid. The passes are there for a reason. Apologising just makes you an idiot." He said sternly. Dilan cracked a smile and rolled her eyes slightly. How was it that the guys poor attempts at making her feel better always did just that? He comforted her better than most would. Maybe it was because of their shared background.
"Thanks for being so blunt. I can't deal with people who tread on eggshells." She joked. Levi let of a small puff of amusement and rolled his eyes.
"You should get some rest. I'll speak to Erwin, explain the new deal." He said. Dilan nodded, feeling a bit guilty knowing he was probably about to get chewed out by Erwin again for disobeying him for the third time. Still, she didn't want to talk to anyone else more than her guilt. Levi turned to leave when Dilan thought of something.
"Um... Levi?" She asked hesitantly. Levi glanced at her.
"Yeah brat?"
"Does this stay between us?" she asked hopefully, orange eyes meeting with grey.
"Therapy sessions are confidential. I don't see any reason why this shouldn't be." Levi replied simply. Dilan cracked a grateful smile.
"Thanks." She said, relieved. Levi nodded and left the room.
Dilan breath out and laid back down on the bed. She stretched her arms out and looked at her bandaged hands, smiling subconsciously. It felt nice to trust someone again.
LEVI'S P.O.V.
Levi sighed as he walked back to Erwin's office. The brat had been through some real shit. He was so angry while he was listening. Not at her, just... the world in general. Dilan didn't deserve any of that and he found himself wanting to kill every single bastard that touched her and yet it seemed the brat had it covered. He was glad she killed them, or he might have been forced to track them down and do it himself. Not a great move for the future Captain of the Survey corps. He needed to remember he lived on the surface now.
Levi was still surprised she had opened up to him of all people. He figured he would have chosen one of the women here since they were more likely to understand the pain she was going through, but maybe Dilan didn't need that. She said it herself, she didn't need pity or sympathy, she needed a listener and he did his best to be just that. He listened and he stayed calm even when on the inside he wanted to rip Han's head off. Guess that wasn't possible either.
Levi wasn't sure why he was so protective of her. He was questioning whether he would feel the same anger if he was sitting there listening to anyone else. Would he even have agreed to listen to anyone else? He wasn't sure. Not that anyone besides Dilan would have ever asked him to be their confidant. Fucking little weirdo. Although he guessed it worked out alright. Dilan did look slightly more relieved that she had gotten it off her chest and Levi was glad about that. She needed to vent, and Levi felt he understood her a bit better now. What's more he was pretty sure he knew why she used to be so adamant about people not touching her. He was pretty sure something like that had happened to her in her past too. Levi could feel the guilt curdle thinking back to every time he yelled at her or asked her what her problem was. Especially outside that whore house.
"That mother fucker! Shitty piece of shit I want to ring his neck so fucking hard. Fucking bastard!" She gritted out as she continued to kick the now very dented piece of metal.
"Oi, stop it. We have shit to do." Levi called. Dilan ignored him and continued to harass the object. Levi looked around and saw that they were alerting some attention from passers-by. "For god's sake." He mumbled, walking over to her and pulling her away from the bin. She growled and pushed away from him, fury in her eyes.
"Don't. Touch. Me." She snarled. Levi clenched his jaw. That was the third time she'd told him that.
"What is with you? What's your problem!?" He yelled, completely frustrated.
"Nothing you would understand!" She yelled back.
"Try me!" he countered, and Dilan opened her mouth when a sadness passed through her eyes and she snapped it shut promptly. Levi was almost a little concerned.
"Let's... just go." She sighed and pulled her hood up as she turned away. Levi watched her with confliction. What was he missing? What was that man talking about in there?
Levi rubbed his face, trying not to cringe at his own stupidity. Something had definitely happened, and he was a complete asshole about it. Ugh, why am I such a dick? Still, they had agreed to wipe the slate clean, much to Levi's relief, so hopefully he would be able to make up for his idiocy down the line somehow. He supposed this evaluation thing was a start. He was desperately trying not to betray her trust. It was something they were both very serious about. Hopefully because of that, nothing would happen.
And yet, he had gone against the commander to do it. Why would he do that for her? Sure, Dilan was upset but he was a soldier, he should have put the corps first. Although, Erwin was being unnecessary. Levi could tell the blonde was just trying to punish her for her insubordination. But was that his right as commander? Was Levi abandoning his duty by protecting her over helping him? Ugh, everything was so messed up. The one-time Levi wished Hanji was here to back him and put Erwin in line like she was always so great at doing, the bitch was off gallivanting in Mitras.
Levi knew one thing though. Whether he was abandoning his duty or not... he was standing by Dilan. It was the right thing to do. The distraught look on her face when she was yelling at him, telling him what happened and how it was never going to change. It stirred something in him. Something he hadn't felt for anyone in over three years, since his friends died. Loyalty. He wanted to protect her. He wasn't sure what it meant but he wasn't going to fight it. Sure, he felt loyalty to the corps and the commander, but it wasn't the same. Back when his friends were alive, he put them over everything. They were everything. Nothing else mattered. It wasn't that strong for Dilan yet, but it was definitely the same feeling. It scared him slightly. Loyalty made him unpredictable. And on the other hand, completely predictable. If one day the choice came between helping Dilan or the corps, he wasn't entirely sure who he would choose. When the fuck did this become so complicated? He wasn't even sure how this happened! He hated the bitch a month ago. A week ago, he tolerated her. Now she had his loyalty? What the fuck? When did this happen and why?
"What the fuck is it going to change?! I was still tortured! I was still drugged and starved! I was still raped! What the fuck does that matter?! Me talking to someone isn't going to change anything! It's still going to hurt and that will never change... why... why did it happen again?" She choked out the words, covering her mouth to muffle a sob as tears dripped down her face.
Levi grit his teeth and tried to force the memory out of his head. The sounds of her anguish made a physical pain form in his chest and he hated it. He hadn't felt that way in a long time. Maybe that was why... she reminded him of someone...
4 YEARS AGO...
Levi was coming home after patrol. Nothing was interesting. He needed to find a new opportunity soon though. They needed a good con to secure the months rent, even better if they had some left over to put towards the citizenship. He wasn't going to live down in the dirt forever and he wouldn't let his friends meet the same fate. He was going to get them up there. He'd find a way somehow.
"BIG BRO!" Izzy yelled, running around the corner and bumping into him. Levi frowned down at her. She shouldn't be wondering around by herself. It was dangerous. There were some real bastards out there.
"Watch yourself, Iz." Levi grumbled, wiping down his shirt. The girl was always dirty. Izzy sniffed and Levi snapped his head up at the distressed sound, finally taking a look at her face. A clear sadness was printed all over it and there were tears clinging to the edge of her eyes. Levi gripped her shoulders. "What happened?" He asked seriously. If anyone hurt her, he was going to kill them. Painfully. Izzy sniffed again and wiped her eyes with her arm.
"It's not me! Farlan, h-he's-" Izzy couldn't get the words out as tears spilled over the edge. Levi's pulse sped up in panic.
"Where is he?" Levi asked. Izzy sniffed again and pointed back towards home. Levi nodded and grabbed the girl's hand, running back towards their place. It was small but it was the most they could afford. For some reason Farlan didn't sleep there. He had his own place on the other side of the underground. Levi had been there a few times. It was this horrible tiny cave on the side of a cliff, hidden by a few planks of wood. Terribly dirty. Levi had spent too many hours trying to convince his best friend to move in with him and Iz. The man didn't budge. It was the only thing the optimistic bastard was stern about. They were not to enter the crawl space no matter what. Levi had always wondered what he kept in there that was so important. But he didn't want to betray his friends trust so he didn't argue.
They got back home and ran up the stairs of the apartment block. Levi was about to turn and bolt through the doors when he saw his friend sitting on the mat outside and his eyes widened. Farlan was... crying. He was hysterical, painful sobs coming out of his mouth. He was so worked up Levi wasn't even sure if he was breathing properly. What the hell happened? He had never seen his friend without an annoying smile on his face.
"Isobel go inside." Levi said firmly, keeping his eyes on the sobbing man. Izzy opened her mouth to protest but Levi didn't imagine Farlan wanted Izzy to see him like this. The girl was a younger sister to them both. "Now." Levi warned. Izzy flinched slightly and ran inside, shutting the door quickly. Farlan was gasping at this point, hitting the back of his head on the wall over and over, mumbling something. Levi felt a pain in his chest seeing him so distraught. Whoever did this to his best friend was going to pay. And he was going to make it painful. Still, he needed to get him calm again.
Levi crouched down next to him.
"Oi, Far. What the shit is wrong with you?" He asked, monotoned. He was still Levi after all. Farlan let out another sob and opened his eyes to look at Levi.
"...my fault." He mumbled, looking right through Levi as if he was a ghost. Levi blinked. What the hell was he talking about.
"Okay. Calm the fuck down and we'll talk it through. What's going on?" Levi repeated. Farlan's face twisted in pain and he grabbed Levi by the collar.
"MY FAULT, LEVI! I FAILED HER! I FUCKING FAILED HER! SHE GOT HURT BECAUSE OF ME! I WASN'T THERE WHEN SHE NEEDED ME!" Farlan yelled, his speech slightly slurred. It was clear from his breath he had been drinking.
"Who?" Levi asked simply. Farlan blinked out a few more tear and opened his mouth but hesitated and shook his head. Levi sighed as Farlan collapsed, still gripping Levi's collar as he leant his head on his shoulder. "Jesus, Farlan. You're a mess." He mumbled, awkwardly patting his back to try and comfort him. He wasn't the best at comfort. Maybe he should get Izzy back out here.
"I'm sorry Levi... I can't tell you. She's too important." Farlan mumbled. Levi raised an eyebrow. Did Farlan have a secret girlfriend or something? If he did that would make things a lot more complicated. Would he want to bring her up to the surface? Would he want to stay behind for her? Levi had noticed the man put away all his extra cash somewhere. His clothes remained tattered and he lived in a hole. Maybe he was saving up a citizenship for her.
"Far, what happened?" He asked quietly one more time, hoping his friend would open up. Farlan sniffed and Levi tried to ignore the fact the man was dirtying his shirt. He would let it slide just this once.
"A man... attacked her... she keeps denying it, but I asked around... he hurt her I can see it in her eyes! He hurt Di..." Farlan mumbled. Levi didn't catch half of what he was saying. Who's Di? Levi sighed; whoever it was she was important to his best friend so by extension she was important to him.
"What was his name?" Levi asked seriously.
"Banner Thomason. The fucker hurt her... I failed..." Farlan sobbed a bit more before he passed out. Levi sighed looking down at his friend. He picked Farlan up over his shoulder and moved him inside the house, laying him down on the couch. Izzy jumped up and ran over to him.
"W-what happened, Big bro?" She asked, laying a blanket over their third friend and wiping his face with a cloth. Levi looked down at Farlan for a moment before grabbing his gear.
"I'll be back in a bit Iz. Look after him." Levi said simply, closing the door behind him before the little redhead could ask any more questions.
It didn't take him long to find Banner Thomason. He was a mobster from Frankie's place. It took him even less time to get him begging for his life.
"PLEASE!" He screamed again before Levi kicked him in the face and a few teeth fell out of his mouth as he fell back on the wooden floor. The bar had been cleaned out a good 10 minutes ago as Levi started the brutal attack. He had about 5 more minutes before the military police showed up. 5 minutes was all he needed.
"Answer me honestly. Are you a dirt-bag?" Levi said in a terrifyingly calm voice, treading on the man's chest and putting his full weight on his ribs. The man gasped and scrambled to try and pry Levi's foot off of him.
"N-NO!" He choked out, tears streaming down his face.
"Tch. I said honestly." Levi grimaced as he added more pressure and he heard a bone snap.
"AGH!" He screamed. Kenny would be proud, Levi thought. Levi got off of him, allowing a bit of air as he crouched down and placed a knife to the bastard's throat.
"Answer me honestly and I might spare your life." Levi whispered menacingly and the sweaty man paled. "Are you a dirt-bag?" Levi asked, sliver eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Y-yes." He squeaked.
"Why? I want an exact description. Leave anything out and I'll make this slow." Levi threatened slowly. The man was breathing heavily now.
"I-I'm a murderer! A thief! A rapist!" He yelled in a panic. Levi's eyes hardened at that last one. Did he rape whoever Farlan cared about? "Please! I-I'll do anything you want! W-what do you want from me!?" He cried. Levi frowned.
"I want you do die, scum." Levi hissed before slitting the man's throat. Levi watched with emotionless eyes as the man struggled with his life and eventually bled out. Levi pulled out a white cloth and started cleaning his blade as he walked away. Well Di. Whoever you are. You got justice.
Levi shook the memories from his head. He wasn't that person anymore. He couldn't just go around killing every shitty person who crossed his path. That person died with his friends. The scary thing was Dilan was starting to bring it out in him. He shouldn't let himself get closer to her. If they became friends who knew what would happen. Loyalty was too dangerous in the corps. Everyone was supposed to fight for the greater good. For humanity. Humanity needed to have his loyalty not Dilan. And yet... the damage had been done. The anguish on her face... it was the same Farlan had. Guess Levi would never find out who Farlan was talking about. He had asked again when the man was sober. The shock in his eyes was evident but he just told Levi not to mention it again. Levi didn't but he couldn't deny he was curious.
Levi blinked as he realised, he had reached Erwin's door and had just been standing there like an idiot. He rolled his eyes at himself before knocking for the third time that day. Holy shit was he about to get chewed out.
"Come in." Erwin called. Levi took a breath and opened the door, closing it behind him. Erwin looked up to him and his face flashed with agitation. "What now?" He snapped, the calm commander façade starting to crack. Levi cringed internally but kept a straight face.
"Dilan talked to me. That's what you wanted right? someone for her to talk to. We talked. There. note it down on her file thing and drop it." Levi stated bluntly, crossing his arms. Erwin eyes widened in fury and he opened his mouth before stopping himself. He pinched the brim of his nose and breathed out slowly.
"Levi are you a professional therapist?" He growled. Levi was unperturbed.
"Are you? Originally it was just to be you and her right?" Levi shot back. Erwin glared at him and Levi knew he had him there. He sighed again, rubbing his eyes wearily.
"Fine. Give me a report on what happened by the end of the day and I'll drop it." Erwin said and Levi frowned slightly. Was that his aim? Did the bastard wanted to know himself? He probably wasn't pissed Dilan and Levi had talked. More the fact that he couldn't order the psychiatrist to give him the file. He probably wanted the dirt on Dilan to use it on her in the future. The bastard loves to uses everyone biggest pains against them.
"Therapy is confidential. You don't need a report on what happened to her." Levi replied nonchalantly. He promised Dilan this would stay between them. Levi watched with a raised eyebrow as Erwin exploded.
"Just how disobedient are you going to get?! It's like when I pulled you from the fucking underground!" He mumbled and Levi clenched his jaw. The bastard went there. "Do I need to resurrect your friends and kill them again to make you see the bigger picture!" He snapped and Levi had to refrain from turning murderous.
"You need to watch yourself, Erwin. I may follow your command but we both know my loyalty remains with my friends. Dead or alive. Speak against them again and I may not restrain myself." Levi hissed venomously. Erwin looked close to ripping his own hair out.
"And since when did your loyalty lie with her too?" He hissed back. Shit. The bastard had already figured it out. That's problematic. Now I need to lie my ass off.
"It doesn't. Dilan put her trust in me, I'm not going to break it. If you needed that report for the good of humanity, I would give it to you, but since it's only for your sick interest, I'll keep it to myself. I'm not going to lose Dilan's trust over your personal mind battles. Now if you excuse me, sir, I have paperwork to do." Levi spat before leaving the office. Damn that went... well probably as good as it could have done.
Levi sighed and head towards Mikes to get paperwork. This was the longest day of his life and it wasn't even halfway through yet.
