Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, in case you were wondering...

A/N: This chapter attempts to illustrate some of Phoebe's confusion and the burden on her shoulders; it's her emotional breakdown and the beginning of her "quest for the truth"...

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"I don't know what's wrong with me, Cole," Phoebe said, tears beginning to glisten at the corners of her eyes. She and her ex-husband were in the living room, sitting on the two ends of the sofa. Somehow, Phoebe still felt she could open up to him. Besides, Cole was one of the people who knew her best...when he was alive, anyway. "All those years of witchcraft finally put aside for a better life? I knew something wasn't right with this from the beginning. I knew I was just being selfish. Of course my sisters said it was the right thing to do because they wanted this just as bad as I did. I guess I 'deserved' it...But how could I want to throw away my heritage, my destiny?"

Cole was empathetic towards her. "It's never easy, isn't it? Never has been." He grabbed a tissue from a tissue box and handed it to her. "There were lots of times when I didn't know what to do...didn't know what was best or whether anything was worth it. Like sometimes I think if I had not given up my powers, I never would have become the Source."

"But you still did," Phoebe responded.

"I still did, and if I had not, it would have saved you and I a lot of trouble...but it doesn't work that way. Life is so complicated and things happen but we can't change them. I know you went through a lot of hardships as a witch, but I also know that you love your powers and wouldn't really want to give them up. It's just sometimes, we've had enough with all the wrong in the world and want to get away from it...that's normal..."

Phoebe nodded. "There's nothing bad about that, right? Which is why it's so confusing. Both ways seem like the right thing to do and I want both equally." She took a small sip of water and blew her nose.

"I understand that, Phoebe, but I think you need to be reminded of all the good you have done. At the end of the day, what matters most is that you saved so many people's lives and prevented evil from getting more victims. That's what counts."

She gave a small laugh. "Don't tell me that, Cole. That's what everybody says."

"It's the truth."

"Well so what if it is the truth! I don't know anymore. Is it worth risking my life when I know that I'll probably just lose another sister or die myself? Is there any point to any of this? I know I help people, but the work just consumes me! Why can't I just stick with my advice columnist job and avoid all of this? Why does it have to be this way?" Her sobbing started becoming uncontrollable. It was like all of the worries she had on this issue was all coming down in big, wet tears. After a little while of calming down, she felt bad for Cole and added, "I'm sorry for that outburst. I'm just really confused about everything."

Cole remained calm, as it was in his nature. He moved closer to the Halliwell sister and put his hand on her knee. "Phoebe, there are a lot of things I am unsure about, but one thing I know is that things happen for a reason. In fact, you taught me that. And I know that you didn't become a witch by accident. You were meant to do great things and save Innocents. It may be hard and rough at times, but if you don't save this world, nobody else as powerful as you will."

"You're starting to sound like Grams," Phoebe said, slightly frustrated.

"Well then, your Grams was a smart woman," Cole replied, smiling.

Phoebe shook her head, as if shaking off this fact, and said, "I don't know, Cole. I just think if my sisters and I die, there won't even be another generation of Halliwells, so who's going to do all the demon fighting then? All of my efforts would be for nothing."

"Well, for a fact, I have never met anybody who has saved the world as many times as you and your sisters did. What would become of everybody if you and your sisters had not prevented the Apocalypse? What would happen if the Source were still alive? Phoebe, your efforts made a world of difference, so don't tell me that it was all a waste," Cole responded gently.

Phoebe sat there and thought for a while. She felt reassured, but it still did not resolve the conflict that was taking place inside of her. Whatever decision she would make, she would only second-doubt herself, which was why she had been struggling with this for so long. "How can I be sure I make the right decision?" she asked. "How can I be sure I will be at peace with myself?"

At this question, Cole got up from the sofa. "Well, I think we're just in time to meet someone." He held out his hand towards Phoebe. "Shall we go to the attic?" Cautiously and with curiosity, the Halliwell sister took his hand and was led up to the old witchcraft room. There, she faced a familiar character.

"Perfect timing," the white-haired man said with asmile on his face. She recognized who he was: the Angel of Destiny the Charmed Ones had met four years ago with the invitation to relinquish their powers.