Chapter Forty-three
Carl ran as though his very life depended on it. He zipped past Will and Elizabeth, who were just returning, so swiftly that Elizabeth would have fallen had Will not reached out and caught her. It did not take him long to find Jack, but he was surprised to see Jack walking and talking with Autolycus and he knew he had just passed Elizabeth and Will. What was going on here? Had they changed couples already? He knew Will had gone off to talk with Elizabeth, but they were back now and yet Will was still separated from Jack.
He came to a stop right in front of Jack, who looked at him strangely. "What is it, Carl?" Jack inquired.
"Prue wants you right away. Brendan's unconscious."
"Does he seem to be injured in any way?"
"I . . . don't think so. Couldn't tell for all the gunk that was on him."
"Go back and tell Prue we'll be there as soon as we can get there. You can reach her much faster than we can even think about it."
"Yes, Captain." Carl saluted and took off flying again just as Will and Elizabeth, still talking and even laughing, came into the others' view.
Jack stopped walking and waited for Will and Elizabeth to catch up. Jack kept glancing at Will, waiting for Will to tell him what was so important that Elizabeth couldn't tell him in front of Jack, but didn't say anything.
Autolycus kept averting his eyes from the others. He wanted to be anywhere but there. If Elizabeth didn't want him, he didn't want her to think he was hanging around like a thrown-away mongrel.
"We're in a hurry, Will, to get where Brendan is. Prue's got him, and he's unconscious. I'm not surprised after seeing the damages his wolf did. He'll probably sleep for a while, but I don't think Prue wants him to wake up and find only her there. They had . . . a talk earlier today, and things didn't work out too good. Missed you," he said, gazing deeply into Will's eyes, still wishing Will would tell him what was going on but not daring to ask lest it be something he didn't want to hear.
Will had been trying to deduce if Jack was upset with him when he had began talking about Brendan. Elizabeth and Will shared a secretive glance at the mention of Brendan's wolf, but neither spoke a word. Instead, Elizabeth quietly fell into step beside Autolycus and attempted to take his arm as Will smiled up into Jack's eyes. "I missed you too, love," he told him, "but Elizabeth and I just had a talk we really needed to have. Jack, I . . . " He paused, wondering how to broach the subject with Jack and rather he even should at that point.
Jack smiled at Will. "You don't have to say any more, Will. That's your business." His eyes were quick to dart away from Will's and back at Elizabeth. He was surprised she had taken her place beside Autolycus. He shook his head and continued to walk on at a rapid pace. "Wouldn't want Brendan to wake up until we get there."
Autolycus glanced sideways at Elizabeth. He did not pull his arm away but secretly was thrilled at her touch. Just what had she talked to Will about? He had to know. He just couldn't keep quiet. If Elizabeth wanted Will, why was she with him? "Jack, you don't really need us right now, do you?"
"No," Jack was quick to tell him. "Continue on looking for others who might need help. We'll meet up later. Don't get lost."
"Oh, we won't," Autolycus told him. He couldn't wait to get Elizabeth aside. Somebody was going to do some talking here! He'd be damned if he'd be the fool and be waiting to catch her every time Will dropped her! I mean, friendship is everything, he reminded himself, but love is even more! I love her, but if she wants Will, well, I am man enough to step aside. The mere thought brought tears to his eyes. I'll be damned if I'll step aside!
Elizabeth saw Jack was trying to out-run Will and caught the tears in Autolycus' eyes. "All right," she announced, taking her arm from Autolycus' and turning so that she might face both men. "I know you're both men enough to ask when there's something on your mind."
Jack looked like he was about to choke. "Ask what, Elizabeth?" he managed to get out.
She was about to answer when Will spoke. "What we talked about. Jack, my business is your business, and I hope vice versa."
"It wasn't that we didn't want you to know," Elizabeth added, "but we couldn't stand there talking with the others eavesdropping."
"So are you going to tell us what the verdict is?" Autolycus demanded.
Elizabeth looked at him blankly. "The verdict?" she repeated.
"Of course, the verdict! You want Will? Will wants you? Where does that leave us?" Autolycus could not meet her eyes. It was hard enough getting the questions out. If she was to say yes, he'd want the earth to open and swallow him.
Wolverine had been looking for 'Ro for a while. He had tried sniffing the air, but the scents of all the blood and carnage kept wafting across his nostrils, making it hard for him to pick up a clear scent. He walked by where Cole was holding Piper. He saw Phoebe, but still he did not see 'Ro. She has to be somewhere close by, he told himself.
He kept glancing around and saw others trying to recover from the huge fight they had just had. He saw Jack and Will, but he did not see Brendan. He wondered where the boy had gotten himself to. First I've gotta find 'Ro. Then, together, we'll go find Brendan. Not once did he allow himself a chance to think something could have happened to them.
He saw Tom, Morph, and Katrina and headed in their direction. Perhaps they had seen 'Ro? As he got closer, he saw Celina sitting on the ground beside his 'Ro, and he raced over by her side. She looked like she had been through Hell, and her hair was hanging limp. He knelt beside her and looked at Celina. "What happened to her?" He began to run his hand over her, checking her for damages, and did not touch her hair. Her long, gorgeous hair was a total mess, and he was not sure what to do about it!
"Giants," Celina told him as gently as possible. "One of them captured her and Katrina. Tom and Morph freed them, but the Giant had caught Ororo by her hair."
"How did she become unconscious? Did he throw her? Is he dead?" he asked, looking at the two men.
"He did throw her," Morph explained, walking closer to them, "but she was already out by then."
"It was most likely the pain," Celina advised, "and the exhaustion. She had been trying to watch over all of us when she moved to using a . . . I believe it was a hurricane."
"Hurricane?" Wolverine asked. "What did she do with it? Wish I could've seen it."
"She used it to handle two Giants simultaneously," Celina answered. "She knocked them out with it, but just as she was lowering them, the other Giant grabbed her. Katrina tried to rescue her, and that was when she was captured."
"We took care of the Giant," Tom added, calling over to the group from where he stood with Katrina, surveying the others' progress amongst the sleeping Giants and taking note of the sleepers.
Wolverine shook 'Ro gently. "'Ro? Little darlin'? Open your eyes, baby."
As Wolverine continued to talk softly to Ororo, calling her to awaken, her blue eyes finally started to flutter open. "Lo . . . Logan?" she whispered weakly.
Celina's ears perked up at the name. Logan? Did she not know that it was Wolverine who called her, or could that be his real name? If she knew it, though, why hadn't he ever told the rest of them?
Wolverine continued to rock 'Ro and stroke her face gently. He wanted to touch her hair badly, but he was afraid to. "Yes, baby; it's me. Don't try to talk. Just rest. We're safe now." He looked down into her eyes and felt as though he could very easily lose himself therein. He was not even aware that she had called him by his real name until he felt eyes on him and looked up to see Celina looking directly into his eyes.
Celina's blue eyes met Wolverine's, but though her surprise shone clearly therein, she smiled peacefully to him. She would not interrupt their time together, but she would later confront him with his reasoning. If he loved his family so much, why did he not tell them his real name but instead only shared it with the woman he loved, though he'd met her just a few days ago?
"The children?" Ororo asked.
"They are fine. Piper's resting. I think she must've tried to use her powers, an' she wasn't ready for it. Cole's with them, keepin' them safe. I'll take you to them," he offered.
"What of Jack," Ororo queried, "and . . . Brendan?"
"Don't know about Brendan, but Jack's safe. He's got Will. The last I saw of them, they were workin' on a . . . " He let his voice trail off, not knowing exactly how to present that to 'Ro. He had not seen Autolycus and Elizabeth and had thought, from the way that Will had been looking into Jack's eyes, that that was where the boys had been headed. If he had not been so worried about Ororo at the time he had seen them, he would have known better.
Though Logan did not complete his sentence, both women understood his intentions. Ororo's dark skin and Celina's creamy fur darkened.
"Ya slay, ya play, darlin'."
Ororo chose not to respond to that comment but spoke instead, "If Brendan has not been seen, we should go look for him."
"I saw two o' your girls with Cole. I'll take ya there. Then I'll go look fer the boy."
Ororo shook her head and began getting to her feet. Celina rushed to offer her help, but she politely waved a hand in refusal. "I will go with you, Wolverine."
"Yes, darlin'." He knew better than to argue with 'Ro. They had already been down that road one time, and he had no desire to go down it again. "Thanks, Celina, Katrina, Tom, an' Morph. I'm in yer debt. If I can do anythin' fer ya, let me know."
Tom shook his head. "You are not in our debt, Wolverine. That Giant had my Katrina just as he had your 'Ro."
Elizabeth stared at Autolycus in shock even as Will looked at Jack. "Don't tell me you thought . . . "
"I didn't know what to think," Jack said. "What did happen?"
"I can understand why you thought that," Elizabeth admitted, thinking back to the way she acted, "but . . . " She looked back at Autolycus. "When I almost lost you earlier today and then when . . . when you fell during the . . . during the fight, I -- Well, suffice it to say, happenings today have forced me to realize something very important, and that is that I love Will -- "
"I knew it! I knew it!" He moved away from Elizabeth, raising his hands skyward. "I knew it! I didn't have to be told!"
Jack just looked like somebody had pole axed him. He didn't say anything but looked at the ground. His whole world was spinning around him. So that was it? A brief fling with the man he loved, and he was back to the woman he had started out with! That didn't speak very highly of Jack's prowess! He wanted to kick at a rock or stomp his foot in anger. He was having a hard time holding it in when what he wanted to do was to turn around, grab Elizabeth by the neck, and strangle her until she was dead.
"Autolycus, please," Elizabeth exclaimed, "let me finish!"
"She's right," Will agreed. "You've only heard part of it. Jack, I love you, but I love Elizabeth too."
"Will, I'm not willing to share you with Elizabeth!" Jack managed to get out though he felt as if he was choking.
Will moved to place a gentle, reassuring hand on Jack's shoulder. "Jack, that's not what I meant."
"And nobody's sharing me!" Elizabeth put in. "Besides, I don't want Will! I want Autolycus!"
"You do!" Autolycus turned to grab Elizabeth. He lifted her skyward and then brought her down against his body, his lips seeking hers in a passionate kiss.
"I think we should leave them alone," Jack said. "Besides, I want to kiss you, and I don't want them looking!" He dragged Will over a little ways from them, pulled him into his arms, and kissed him.
Xena pulled Gabrielle into her arms. They were both covered in muck and blood and stunk to high Heaven. "Gods, you scared me today! I thought I'd lost you! Praise the Goddess! I don't think Aphrodite was here, but She probably took an interest, else we wouldn't be together now." She gazed down into her love's eyes. "You wanna tell me exactly what happened before?"
"I went off for herbs or to bring back the Sorceresses when the others got into the flowers. I had a nasty run-in with quicksand, and I was still recovering from that when the Giant found me." It felt wonderful to be in Xena's arms again, and she let herself relax in her own personal Heaven.
"Wish I could have been there for you, but at least you're safe now, darling." She leaned down and kissed Gabrielle deeply and passionately, trying to show her how much she loved her. Her hands began to roam Gabby's body, checking the parts to make sure that they were in tact and not hurt. Her hand found its way to her hip and then began to inch closer to her special place, letting her know that she was definitely in the mood for her despite their circumstances.
Gabrielle's mouth returned Xena's kiss in full, her hands cupping and caressing her beloved's face. Though her body was tired and sore, Xena's touches still ignited a fire, and Gabby moaned into her mouth.
Xena broke off the kiss and looked frantically around for a spot that they could hide in. She finally saw one behind some rocks. "Let's go over behind there, Gabby, and I'll show you how much I missed you today." Xena helped Gabby to her feet and began to lead her.
It was only when Logan had spoken to the catpeople that Ororo had become aware of their presence. She looked over at Katrina. She knew Celina had made it, but what of Clark? "Was Clark . . . all right?"
"Clark is fine. I saw him a while ago," Wolverine was quick to tell her. "He was standing on top of a Giant an' lookin' sick."
'Ro nodded, but her eyes stayed on Katrina. "Thank you for watching the others for me."
"I tried, 'Ro, but I got taken captive at the same time you did. Clark was on his own, unfortunately. Thank Bast he didn't need help! I'm sorry. I couldn't take care of them."
Ororo laid a gentle hand on Katrina's shoulder. "It is not what we fail to do that matters, my friend, but rather what we strive to do. You tried, and I thank you for that."
"Maybe some one should go get Lex? I'll go get him and get him to go see about Clark. He was with another group that took down another Giant. Thanks, 'Ro." She gripped her friend's arm, as well, and headed off in search of Lex.
Ororo had just turned to head off with Logan in search of Brendan when Celina spoke. "I'll go with you. He . . . He may need a healer, and besides, I'd like to talk to you . . . Wolverine."
"Me?" Wolverine asked as they began to walk in the direction he had seen Cole.
"Yes," Celina affirmed. "Or," she dropped her voice to a whisper that not even Tom would be able to hear as they continued on, "should I say Logan?"
"Where'd you hear that?" he ground out. "Don't let anybody else hear that! Keep it quiet!" He looked frantically around, hoping no one had heard them.
Celina's ebony tail twitched. "Why are you so afraid of some one else finding out?" she asked him. "We are not your enemies. How many times have you said it yourself -- that this ship, or at least the crew, is a family? Why would you let Ororo know," she kept her voice so low that not even 'Ro could hear them, "but not your own sons?"
"No one has ever known my name before, Celina. The way I was raised, if some one finds out yer true name, they have power over ya. I guess it is past time that I told Jack my name. At least, what I can remember o' it. I have no clue as to what my last name is. Please don't be tellin' anybody else."
Celina placed a gentle hand on Logan's shoulder. "Your secret's safe with me, Wolverine," she assured him, her tail swishing. "I will not tell a soul. It's your decision who you tell and who you don't. I was not attempting to eavesdrop, but feline ears can not help overhearing some things. However, if it's their having power over you, you may want to consider one thing. You long ago accepted these people, let them into your heart, and what can possibly give somebody more power over you than love?"
"To be so young, you are extremely smart, Celina," Wolverine grinned at her. "Never thought about it that way. Guess I'll tell everybody at dinner, after I tell Jack first. It'd upset him a great deal if he didn't learn about it first."
She nodded and pressed a finger to her furry lips. "None will hear it from these ears. Of that, I assure you, Wolverine. As I said, who you tell and who you do not is entirely up to you." She smiled at him.
"If ya ever need anythin', Celina, let me know. I'll do my best to get it fer ya." He was about to say something else when Wolf ran into him. Wolverine stumbled but caught him. "What's the matter with you, man, an' how do ya have energy left over enough ta run!"
Celina stared at Wolf. She could feel his emotions screaming through her. "It's Elvira, isn't it?"
"Elvira fell off a Giant and hit her head. She hasn't woken up. I can't get her to respond to me. I was running to get you. Please hurry!"
Celina nodded. "I'm right behind you," she assured him, hoping he might calm somewhat but knowing that she would not if she were in his boots. Looking back to Logan and 'Ro, she spoke at normal tone to them, "When you find Brendan, if you need a healer, just think to me, and I'll come."
"We will," Wolverine was quick to assure her. "We'd best run too. Actually, 'Ro, if you're feelin' better, maybe ya could get us there faster?"
Ororo nodded and lifted them in winds even as Celina flew after Wolf.
When Will's lips lifted from Jack's, he continued to gaze into his lover's eyes. "Jack," he asked, his quiet voice brushing softly against Jack's lips, "how could you think I wanted Elizabeth? I love you, nobody else, not in that way. It's just . . . " He sighed. "I'm always going to care deeply about Elizabeth. I'm always going to love her, and that's a fact you're going to have to accept, sweetheart, because I can't stop caring or loving about my sister any more than you can about Brendan."
"Will, you scared me to death! I know this is all new for you, and a lot of times you feel that you are way out of your league and on top of everything else, we're still new to each other. I thought I had lost you. I mean, I know it's inbred in us to believe that it's highly improper for males to be together. Believe me, I never thought about it before I met you."
"I've had my fair share of women. None of them ever did anything for me. I just thought it was me, but just a few minutes with you and I swear -- and this is when we first met -- you had me so horny I couldn't help myself! I wanted to take you in the stable, and I didn't even have a clue how to go about it! There's a magic between us that ignites my blood at just the mere thought of you, and when you touch me, my mind goes out the window and I'm just one emotional wave!"
"I never stopped to think you might care for Elizabeth as a sister. After all, you were intending to marry her. I don't mind you caring for her as a sister. I have feelings for her that way myself. 'Course I'd never tell her. She wouldn't like that at all." He continued to hold Will and gaze into his eyes, feeling himself more lost by the second, afloat in his love's eyes.
"You're right, Jack," Will admitted. "This is all new to me, and the rest of it . . . It does scare me at . . . at times. But us . . . This place, here in your arms, is where I've longed to be since the first day we met. It just took me too long to realize the truth of my feelings for you, and then I didn't know what to do about it because I thought you could never love me. Elizabeth was there, thinking she was in love with me, and since I didn't think I had a chance in Hell of being with you . . . I thought that at least I could make her happy. I owed her that much, after all, for saving my life."
"Elizabeth saved your life? When?"
"When I was a boy. I was out at sea in search of my father when we were attacked by . . . well, by Pirates. That's why I thought I hated us for so long. I was the only person left alive, and I was at sea floating on wreckage when she found me. I had that Pirate medallion even then, and you, of all people, dear heart, know what they do to Pirates."
"Unfortunately, I do know. I've lost some good friends that way. What did Elizabeth do to save you?"
"She was the one who pointed me out so that the others on the ship could bring me aboard," Will explained. "That included her father and Norrington, Jack, among several others who hated Pirates. She was the one to find the medallion. She knew I was a Pirate, but yet she kept my secret all those years. She kept the medallion, too, but now I know why. The girl's fascinated by Pirates! That's also why she thought she was in love with me, why she confused the feelings of siblingry for so much more. But," Will informed Jack with a secretish grin, "she realized her mistake when she kissed Autolycus today."
"Autolycus is certainly besotted with her! I told him earlier, before we knew which way her true feelings lay, that I wished him the best of everything with her, and that if he mistreated her, I'd be the first in line to kick his butt. I think they'll be good together. He certainly has changed since he met her."
Will's smile grew. "And you, my dear heart, have no more reason to be worried that I might go back to her. I never loved her; I just thought I did. I only found out what love truly is when I met you for the first time."
Jack pulled Will close and pressed his lips to his in a deep, passionate kiss. Part of him kept saying you'd better hurry and go where Brendan is and the other part said to find a secluded area and steal some more moments. He was at war with himself and hoped that Will had an answer.
When their lips again parted, Will lovingly brushed a hand across Jack's face and beard. "Jack, since a stable means so much to both of us, maybe we could . . . explore the one back at the house later, but for now, . . . our family needs us."
Jack looked at Will through dazed eyes. "Stable? Yes, that's a good idea! Brendan now." He held Will's hand as they headed toward where Brendan was.
Katrina took to the sky and flew slowly over the group, hoping to spot Lex. She saw him talking to Faith. She looked around and saw Clark, who was still sitting on the Giant, his head buried in his hands. She settled down before Lex. "Lex, you really need to go see about Clark. He's taking it extremely hard, having killed his first being. He needs you."
Lex nodded. He knew he was needed many places right now, but none did he want to be there for more than Clark. Still, somebody needed to deal with Faith. He knew she was bothered but hadn't been able to get any information out of her, even after he'd sent Dawson to tell Jack that they had spotted Wolverine and Ororo. He nodded to Katrina. "I know. Do you know where he is?"
"Yeah. He's sitting on that Giant that he killed with his head buried in his hands. He hasn't moved from that spot since the remainder of the Giants ran away."
Lex's heart ached for his beloved, but still he looked imploringly at Faith. "Go to him," she told him. "I told you a while back that ya needed to be with him. Besides, I'm fine. All I did was cut off a Giant's balls and nearly get squashed in them." She shrugged.
Lex smiled though his heart was not in the gesture. "Thank you, ladies," he told them both before taking off at a run for Clark.
Katrina looked at Faith. "You can lie to some of the people some of the time, but you can't lie to me, my sister. You're just like Celina; I can read you like a book. Now you want to talk to me? I'm a good listener, and I've got a big shoulder and plenty of time." She smiled at Faith.
Faith looked at Katrina and sighed. "I . . . I don't really know how to start," she admitted. "It's Dawson. I don't know what the Hell to do with him."
"What do you mean what to do with him, Faith? He's a grown man. Should you not be thinking about what he might do to you?"
Faith sighed again and ran a hand through her slickened hair. "That's a lot of it right there."
"Come over here and sit down." Katrina patted the rock beside where she sat. She thought about what Faith had almost come out with and hoped that she would reveal a little more.
Elizabeth found herself steadily becoming more lost in Autolycus' embrace. Her body was leaning so closely against his that she could feel his excitement, a touch that brought her hormones even higher. She felt as though she were floating, and indeed one foot had even left the ground to lift into the air behind her. Yet her mind would not silence its warning that Autolycus still did not understand the situation. Finally, she forced herself to pull her lips from his, and as her eyes fluttered open to gaze at his handsome face, her forehead resting against his, her breath whispered across his lips. "Toly . . . "
"Hmm?" he murmured against her lips, wanting to possess them again, fire raging through his veins. He wanted to take her now! He tried to shake his head to clear his thoughts, but all he could think was Elizabeth wanted him and he wanted her now!
"Autolycus, before we . . . before we continue with anything, you have to try to understand this. I do love Will," she told him, a hand unable to resist brushing across his mustache, "but not in the way you thought. I love him as a brother."
"Thank Gods!" he said as he pressed his lips to hers again. "Talk later, baby! What matters is that we're together and you want me! You have made me the King of Pirates!" He deepened the kiss.
Elizabeth was surprised at how quickly he dismissed the discussion and resumed his embrace of her body. Yet he did seem to be at ease with the situation. Perhaps all that mattered was that he knew that she did not love Will in that way and wanted him instead? Well, if he was all right with it, she thought, why was she still thinking about that? Her lips found his again.
For once, Faith didn't take Katrina's words as a command but did take the offered seat. She felt like holding her own head in her hands but wouldn't let herself. "He doesn't know it," she told Katrina, still having difficulty starting as she was not at all used to talking about her feelings, "but . . . Well, he knows he pissed me off earlier, but he doesn't know why. He forgot about me, Katrina, and . . . it hurt. I'm sick of being hurt. That's why I kept pushing you all away. I don't want it to happen again, but then Salem . . . Blast his hide," she muttered as her dark eyes cut at where he was walking amongst the carnage with Meesy. Salem looked up and smiled, but Faith ignored him. "He had to warn me that I might be missing out on the best thing I've ever known, and I know he's right. But I don't . . . Fuck, I don't know what to do."
"Are you afraid that you're falling in love with Dawson?" Katrina asked as she took Faith's hand. "Is that what's scaring you?"
"I don't know what the Hell else to call it. I've never felt the way that kid makes me feel. You know me. Fuck 'em an' leave 'em. But I don't want to leave him, I don't want to lose him, and I . . . I don't want us to be just friends or just family or even just fuck partners."
"Yup. You're falling in love. Let me tell you about Tom and myself. Tom courted me for years. Anybody else would have given up. I was a Starship Captain, and I didn't have time for him. On our planet, people were chosen by their heritage as to what jobs they did. We were of royal blood, and our people had been soldiers back since the beginning of time. It was a natural thing for me to be a Starship Captain. Not so for Tom. He came from court jesters." She paused a moment for that to sink in.
"Do you know the difference in our worlds? And yet he never gave up! He trained with Vang, who taught him just as much as he was teaching us only in secret. He took the test, passed, and ended up being on my starship under my command, and yet I still did not pay any attention to him. It seemed that every time I turned around, there was Tom doing everything he could to be the best that he could be, and any time I needed some one, there he was ready, willing, and able."
"I don't know what it was that made me finally stop and think on it, but when I did, I realized that I had come to depend on him more and more, that he was a very important part of my life, and although he had been my friend since we were kids, I began to realize I had another feeling growing in my heart for him. Grandmama would have had a fit would she have ever known. Every time he showed up at the palace, she had the biggest litterpans thrown on him, and still he kept coming!"
"It was not until after we crashed on Earth that Tom and I got together, and it was because of my own stubborn heart. He was there the whole time for me. When our world fell apart, he was there to hold me up. The women in my family mate once in a lifetime. Usually the females outlive the males. Father Wagner married us, although he did not know it. We wore cloaks and stayed covered the whole time. In fact, he doesn't even know us now except by our names, and if we were to say something to him, he probably wouldn't remember due to some telepathic . . . interference."
"I was afraid that Tom would hurt me. My Mother, being the bitch she was, did not care anything for Celina and myself. Grandmama never showed that much love. She was a hard, bitter, old woman who was determined that I would be the next Queen, but I fooled her. The only people that ever loved me were my sister, Celina, and Tom. Tom has never hurt me. In fact, he tries every way possible to protect me from hurt. I love him more every day."
"I told you this to share with you how much I was like you. My advice is open your heart, love all you can, and give Dawson a chance to love you in return." She reached out, hugged Faith, and allowed the girl a chance to talk to her.
Katrina's hug startled Faith even more, and it was a few minutes before she could speak again. "It's not that I don't want to love him, Katrina, but . . . You got lucky with Tom. He knew what he wanted, who he loved. Dawson thinks he does, but he's still young, I'm his first, and he might be wrong. You know me. I'm the first to say I'm open for risking my ass any time, any day, any way, but you also know that I'm not open for letting my heart get hurt again."
"It's hard to believe how much you're like me. All I can tell you is that it takes time. Tom and I did not do it until after we were married. Neither of us had had those kinds of pleasures before. Now we can't get enough of each other. One day at a time, my dear, and one step at a time."
"Just because you're the first one Dawson's ever had doesn't mean that you're not his true intended mate. Doesn't matter how many come before. I know that there's been many with you. Don't blame yourself for that. You know the pitfalls, and you can help Dawson miss them. I think the boy is truly in love with you. I've read him when he's near you, and every one of his emotions is keyed to you."
Faith looked up into Katrina's eyes in surprise. "I thought Celina was the empath?"
"I did a spell on him. Celina is the empath. She could probably tell you even more, but I can tell you that the boy's intentions are pure and that he truly does love you."
And you don't hurt the people you love, she thought as her eyes traveled back to where she'd last seen Dawson. "And that's . . . That's the true emotions, right, not just what he's thinking?"
"I saw the emotions from his heart, and those can't lie. He loves you more than anything in the world. His love surprises even him, because he's never known love, not even the love of his mother, and he's scared too but he's scared of losing you, not of what you do to him."
Faith knew all too well that the emotions of the heart could not lie. After all, she had been fighting her own heart's emotions for years. "I'll be damned," she whispered and had to draw her fingernails slightly against her closed eyelids to keep from crying.
"Stop that, little one," Katrina told her. "Tears are not something to be ashamed of, and they're not a sign of weakness. Never be ashamed of them. It shows that you have a heart and that you care."
"Maybe," Faith admitted, looking back to her with watery eyes, "but I've kinda got it trained into me. Earliest memories I have are of my Mother beating the crap out of me till I stopped crying."
"She's gone, Faith, and you don't have to dwell on those memories. They're a part of your past, but they can only have power over you if you let them. Let go of them. Think of today and tomorrow, and don't go back on yesterday. Yesterday can destroy you. I know. I've been there."
"It takes time to relearn," Faith told her, nodding and smiling though her tears shone in her eyes. She reached out and drew Katrina into a hug. "Thank you, Katrina."
"Any time, sister dear -- day, night, whenever you need me. I'll always be there." She returned her hug and ruffled her hair.
Instead of slapping her hand away, Faith just grinned. "Ya might regret that. Ya know, that kid actually pulled me out of what was left of a Giant's balls?"
"Yeah, and who got rid of him but you! We all need baths and soon! Come on. Let's go see if we can help get this show on the road and back home again."
She nodded. She'd have to talk to Dawson as soon as she saw him again, but for now she wanted to get back to the house. "Katrina, you're a telepath. I don't know exactly how that works, but maybe you could scan, see where the others are?"
"Who you want me to find? Dawson?" Katrina asked with a grin.
"Tempting," Faith admitted, "but like you said, we need to get back to the house. Maybe the others Jack's got us all looking for?"
"Not going there," Katrina said rather quickly. "Xena," she told Faith.
Faith grinned. "You know how it is. She almost lost Gabrielle; then they both slayed. Gotta get that fix."
Katrina laughed; she couldn't help herself. "First ya slay; then ya play! Works for all of us!" She scanned again. "Hmm. Delvira has Jareth and quite a little party down in the center. Maybe we should go help them?"
Faith looked at the area where she thought Katrina was referring to. It was a little ways. "Maybe you could let Dawson know," she suggested, "so he doesn't freak when he can't find me? He probably won't be able to find Lex either."
"True enough, but Dawson's waiting for you over there." Katrina pointed to a little ways where Faith could see Dawson standing and waiting.Faith looked at where Katrina pointed, and her mouth nearly fell open in surprise. "That little sneak! He didn't get to Jack that fast, not around these Giants!" Then it hit her. "He's not attached to Sparrow's ass after all!"
"No, my dear; I think he's attached to yours," Katrina said with a laugh.
"I'll go get him."
"Call him," Katrina told her. "Look at him and call him."
Faith quirked a brow at her. She realized it probably wouldn't work, but what the Hell? The woman -- her sister had just made her realize that she needn't fear being hurt by Dawson. The very least she could do in return was accept a few suggestions. She caught his eye, then whistled. "Yo, Dawson!"
Dawson ran. He was so excited Faith actually wanted him! He slid to a stop and looked down at her, offering her his hand. "Where we going?" he asked.
"To help Delvira," Faith told him, her fingers intertwining with his as she got to her feet. "But first . . . " She searched his eyes, took a deep breath, and spoke. "I'm . . . sorry about earlier."
"It's okay. It was just a misunderstanding and a mess-up on my part, but I'll learn, Faith! I swear I will! Just don't send me away!" He smiled at her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her but was afraid that she would not like it. The next second, he did just that, placing his lips tenderly on hers.
Faith had been about to tell him that they would both learn and kiss him when he beat her to it. Though fire swept through her at his touch, she did not try to strengthen the kiss. Instead, she returned to him just as much as he gave her, and her lips parted underneath his, allowing him access if he wanted it.
Timidly at first, Dawson's tongue found its way into Faith's mouth, but as she did not bite him, he grew ever daring with it, enjoying his first leadership excursion and wondering why Faith was letting him do it as she always led the way.
Katrina took that moment to leave the two alone and headed down to where she could sense Delvira.
Clark sat on the Giant he had murdered with his head in his hands and his palms wet from the tears that would not stop running from his eyes. He still could not believe what he had done, but looking back, he knew he would do it again. He would do anything to save his Lex, but . . . He had taken a life!
Lex made his way over to the Giant Clark was sitting on as fast as he could. He was wondering how to go about getting up there where Clark was. Even as he was looking at the Giant and trying to figure out how to climb it, he heard low, hushed voices and turned to see Wolverine and 'Ro walking. "'Ro, could you please . . . ?" he made a motion up to where Clark was. "Could you put me up there? I really need to get to him; there's no telling what's going through his head."
Ororo looked from Lex to Clark before her concerned gaze turned back to Lex. She did not need to ask to know that it was the other boy's first, and she said a prayer to the Goddess for the two lovers even as she answered Lex. "Of course, Lex." With a wave of her hand, breezes gathered around him and began to gently lift him.
"Thanks, 'Ro," Lex called back down to her. It took him only seconds to reach Clark, and he knew that Clark did not have even a clue that he was around. "Hey, Clark!" he called. "Look! I'm flying!" He hoped that Clark would look up and see him. Then he could see how bad Clark's emotions were. He hoped they were not as bad as he feared they were.
Clark did look up at the sound of his beloved's voice, but the sight did not bring a smile to him or any other sign of cheer. Instead, his tears kept right on falling.
Lex stepped onto the Giant and raced to be by Clark. He took Clark into his arms. "Clark, stop blaming yourself. If you hadn't done it, one of the others would have. It had to be done, or they would have killed each and every one of us. I know he's your first, but think. If you hadn't taken him out, how many do you think he would have took out?"
"I love you, Clark. You're not full of hate; you're the best man I've ever known. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not like you go around killing every day; I've seen you stepping around ants so you don't squash them. I know you go out of your way not to hurt others; this time there was no choice." He rocked Clark as he was talking to him. "It's going to take time for you to get used to the thought, but it's not like you're going to go out and do it again tomorrow." His voice trailed off in hopes that Clark would answer him.
"Lex, I know all that," Clark told him, his words brushing across the back of Lex's head, "but it doesn't make it any easier. How can it? I killed him. I knew what I was doing. I used the fire in my eyes to rip out his very heart! And I'd do it again if I had another chance! But he was a living being!"
"Yes, he was, and he stayed that way by eating everything in his path," Lex very carefully told Clark, trying to paint a picture so that it would not leave any doubt in Clark's mind as to the mayhem that not having killed the Giant would have caused. "He would have eat each one of us if he could have caught us! Would you have wanted him to go to the house to eat the rest of the ones there? If he had not been taken out, he would have."
"He was a monster, Clark. There was no reasoning with him. In fact, I only heard one of them talking in language that we could understand, and he's not dead, just unconscious. Tom knocked him out. He tried to talk to him, and I heard the Giant call Tom 'cat'. I didn't hang around to hear the rest of it."
"Lex, I know they would have killed everybody if . . . if they hadn't been stopped. I know that he would have killed you. That's why I killed him -- to stop him from . . . from eating you." He shuddered.
"Thank you, Clark. I didn't want to be ate. So stop blaming yourself. Somebody had to do it, and you were the only one strong enough."
Clark sighed and pulled back from Lex. He ran a shaking hand through his hair as he tried to think of how to make his beloved understand his plight. "Lex, I know he had to be killed, and I don't . . . I do and I don't regret it." He sighed again. "I know you don't understand that." His tear-filled eyes turned to Lex, begging him for understanding. "But . . . I can't not be upset about having taken a life. It doesn't matter what kind of life it was, just that it was a life. He was a living being, and he's dead now because I killed him."
Lex had not the foggiest clue how to help Clark through this. He couldn't even remember the first man he'd killed, but he knew he had not taken it as hard as Clark was taking it. Of course, he was not as gentle as Clark was in nature. He lifted each of Clark's hands, kissed them, and held onto them. "What can I do to help? I understand what your problem is. All I can say is time will help you handle it, but I don't know what else to do."
"Just . . . " Clark's eyes pleaded with Lex's. "Just hold me?"
"With pleasure," Lex murmured even as he pulled Clark back into his arms and stroked the back of his neck gently. He pulled back just a little and kissed Clark. "I love you, Fly Boy." He grinned at him and then just held him.
