DILAN'S P.O.V. (Continuation of flashback...)

And so, the weeks went on like this. Every day the cadets would train, and everyday Dilan and her team would go and get them the numbers they needed. It was tough but they did it. Dilan protected them well and no one in her squad had died as of yet but she could tell they were getting tired from the constant battles.

She gave them rest days every now and then, but they needed more. They needed to share the weight out. So, she started looking for more students to take on and she enlisted Tyla and a few of the squad leaders help for it. In the end she picked out 5 cadets that were preforming well on their training, asking them if they were up for it. She was surprised by how confident they were. Apparently they felt like it was their duty to fight and they wanted to contribute. Dilan was pleased at their attitude and took them out on their first trip with a few of her original squad.

She taught them how to kill efficiently. They were never in danger thanks to her. She eliminated any real threats. Thankfully, they were strong and obedient. When she enlisted them in the original squad, they did well. No one had died on her watch yet.

Dilan was doing as well as she could. Of course, the nights were hardest when she had no distractions. She missed Levi desperately. She missed the squad. She missed Hanji. She had a few friends here, but she hadn't allowed herself to get close to anyone. She wasn't that stupid. And yet it was rather lonely. Sometimes she'd stare at the stars during the night, wondering if her best friend was doing the same. She missed watching the sky with him. He was so fucking close, it hurt. A few hours ride along the wall tops.

She thought about visiting him often but deemed it a bad plan. They were only supposed to regroup when the retreat flare was fired. Levi was right. On the odd chance those bastards came back, she needed to be here so she could give orders.

More time went on and they continued to fight without suffering casualties. The taskforce grew by the daily and Dilan was confident in her soldiers' abilities thanks to her ruthless training. Over 20 scouts were coming out with her every day and they were killing more and more titans.

It wasn't until a disaster struck that she lost the first man.

"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" A girls voice screamed from far in the distance. Dilan's taskforce was rather far away from the wall today, needing to venture further in order to scout more land. Dilan was making a map and a schedule of where they would hit each day.

Currently, they were passing through a town towards the south.

"Major who is that? Was someone left behind?" Nanaba asked as the screaming continued. Dilan's stomach dropped in panic and she glanced at her taskforce, counting quickly.

No. There were twenty soldiers blinking back at her. She quickly deduced this girl was not from her section. Should she go help? It wasn't in her sector and she could be risking her own men to do it.

"PLEASE!" She screamed again and Dilan heard a gasp.

"Shit that's Dina!" Mason said, recognising the voice. Mason has been allowed back onto the task force after heavy consideration. He may have been stupid but he was a good fighter and the squad needed him. Dilan would soon learn that this was her first wrong as Major.

Dilan snapped her head around to him.

They couldn't act recklessly.

"Mason don't-" She warned but Mason ignored her, rearing his horse to gallop full speed ahead. "Shit!" She hissed, glancing at the sun. They really should go back now. "Nanaba take command and get everyone back to the wall. Thomas and Caden, come with me, we'll follow Mason." Dilan ordered and they nodded firmly.

"Yes ma'am." They replied and those ordered galloped back towards the wall. Dilan trusted them to deal with it if they had any trouble. She looked towards her remaining men.

Thomas and Caden were her star pupils in the team. They were just cadets but loyal, skilled and they followed orders without question. They were both tall and built firmly. Caden had curly blonde hair and softer features with warm brown eyes while Thomas had a much sharper face, dark brown hair that was always combed back and out of this face and piercing blue eyes. Dilan often thought they were the polar opposites of each other but the way they fought together was kind of amazing to see in such young soldiers. She was confident in their abilities.

They shared a nod before speeding off towards Mason.

"MASON, GET THE FUCK BACK HERE AND WE'LL REGROUP!" Dilan yelled. Mason ignored her, seemingly frantic with his movements as he turned into a village. Dilan cursed again. Deep down she couldn't blame him.

She had done the same thing numerous times, had she not?

"DINA!" A scream pushed her further and she jumped off her horse as soon as she could, digging into the crumbled wall of the first building and flinging herself up high, trying to get tabs on the situation. Her eyes widened when she saw it. 'Dina' was trapped in a titans hand. Mason was trying to free her.

She jumped down to the roof and dove, hooking her gears and moving towards the other side of the town where they were. Thomas and Caden followed her wordlessly.

"MAJOR HELP!" Mason's voice croaked somewhere close and Dilan threw herself around the last corner in time to see a titan bite down on Mason's legs and gasped at his horrified expression.

Dina was on the floor, unconscious but alive. Thomas dove down to tend to her after receiving a look from Dilan. Caden took out the heel and Dilan sliced the nape, grabbing Mason as he fell out of the titan's mouth. The teeth hadn't bitten him in half, but the wound was deep enough for Dilan to know this man wasn't going to make it. "M- Major?" He mumbled after Dilan laid him down on the ground, his face twisting in pain. Caden tried to keep pressure on the wound but it was too deep and there was too much blood.

"I'm here." Dilan replied, keeping her voice steady. Mason took a shaky breath.

"I-I'm sorry." He choked out, a tear dripping down his face. Dilan swallowed down her emotion and smiled.

"It's okay. You did well to save your friend, I'm proud of you." She reassured. Mason sighed, biting his lip.

"Thank y-you." He croaked, reaching out. Dilan took his blood-soaked hand in hers, holding it firmly.

"You can rest. We'll take care of him. We will carry on and win this fight." She said firmly, hoping it was some sort of comfort. Mason smiled a bit, closing his eyes, his hand fell limp and Dilan let go.

She sighed, closing her eyes for a brief moment.

"You did the best you could, Major." Caden comforted. Dilan gave a small weary smile, standing up and looking to Thomas. She knew Caden was right, but they hadn't lost a soldier in a long time. She still felt disappointed in herself.

"How's our comrade?" She asked. Thomas nodded.

"She's fine. Bruised ribs, I think, but otherwise unharmed. She's just unconscious." Thomas informed. Dilan nodded in approval.

"She must have been left by Mike's taskforce. We'll take her back." Dilan informed and they nodded. They called their horses and Dina went over Thomas' saddle. They took Mason's body back too, buried it near the wall. Hopefully when they take back wall Maria, his family could visit the grave.

Once Dina woke up Dilan explained to her what happened. She was rightly distraught about her friend's death and took some time to get over it before telling Dilan what happened to her.

Apparently, she had been separated from the formation and got lost, ending up more towards the east than the south. She thought she could take refuge in that village when a titan came out of nowhere and her gears jammed.

Dilan asked how the situation was over on Mikes end and the cadet explained that a lot of the fresh cadets had passed but they were hanging on and meeting numbers. Dilan nodded in understanding, figuring as much. Mike was always a follow the books type of guy.

Dina rested up with them before getting the option to stay or leave. She said she appreciated but really should get back to her taskforce. Dilan supplied her with a horse, and she rode off towards the southern taskforce.


More months passed like clockwork until they reached the 9-month mark. They had been on this godforsaken wall for almost a year. Spirits were as high as they could be, and Dilan was proud of them for not having a mental breakdown so far. Perhaps it was the low death rates that kept them hopeful that they would make it back.

Only 3 more graves had joined Mason's since. Each death took a toll on Dilan and she felt the guilt hard, but she pushed on. She would leave her breaking for when she could afford to break. So, life continued on. They got the numbers and they returned safe. Every week a new member was added to the task force. When the count got up to 40, Dilan decided to split the team into A and B. They would alternate days of going down the wall. Dilan was on both of them of course but she could handle the strain.

She didn't need many breaks.

It wasn't until winter came around and the wall got unbelievably cold that they started facing problems.

"Major, three of the soldiers are suffering from hypothermia." The medic informed as they entered the medical tent. Dilan saw her soldiers lying there, wrapped in tinfoil blankets and shivering. She sighed, raking a hand through her hair. It was fucking freezing and she supposed it was expected. They had experienced similar problems of heat stroke in the summer but thankfully the temperatures stayed mild most days and they were able to continue expeditions.

Still, this was a lot more serious and she couldn't allow any more cases.

"Send out the word. People are to remain in their tents throughout the day and the night until this harsh cold passes. Food will be delivered. All they need to focus on is staying warm." Dilan explained and the medic nodded, saluting and leaving the tent to give the word.

Nanaba stepped up next to her.

"How will we get the numbers, Dil?" She asked. Nanaba had become more casual around her after some time. Dilan told her to drop the formalities when they were alone.

"We've got the numbers for the last 9 months. We can afford a week's break if it means saving lives." She said seriously. Nanaba nodded in agreement.


It wasn't until a week later that the storms passed, and they set out again. When Dilan came back, she witnessed a commotion on the wall.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! SLUT!" A girl yelled in another girl's face. A crowd had gathered at this point and Dilan furrowed her brows, wondering what's going on.

"YOU'VE FUCKING MESSED EVERYTHING UP! HOW COULD YOU?!" A boy yelled at her and the girl looked to be on the verge of tears. She was small, tanned and had fine brown hair, brown eyes. Dilan knew her name was Cassidy Birch from memory, but she hadn't talked to her directly before.

"I-I'm sorry-" She tried in a shaky voice. Dilan noticed her hands were wrapped around her stomach almost protectively as the affronting girl took a step forward and she took a step back.

"AFTER EVERYTHING THE MAJOR SAID, AFTER EVERYTHING SHE'S DONE TO KEEP US ALIVE... HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!?" She snarled at her. Dilan frowned, not liking where this was going, and she was quick to intervene before things got violent.

"What exactly is going on here?" Dilan asked seriously and the cadets jumped to look at her in surprise. The rest of the task force was gathered behind her, watching the commotion too.

The girl gasped and shrunk back a bit.

"M-Major-" She whispered but the loud girl cut her off.

"SHE'S PREGNANT MAJOR! SHE'S FUCKING PREGANT!" She yelled and gasps sounded behind Dilan.

Dilan's eyes widened a fraction, taking a moment to observe the girl in question. She bit her lip and looked down in shame. Dilan couldn't deny she was pissed but needed the whole story. She had no doubts this girl wasn't the only one who had been sneaking visitations so there was no reason to act high and mighty.

"Stand down, cadet." Dilan ordered and the screaming girl looked at her in shock.

"BUT SHE-"

"She had a right to tell me herself. There is no need to shun her. Everyone, I suggest you get back to your duties immediately." Dilan warned and the crowds tensed before scrambling away. Dilan sighed, looking to the girl.

She sniffed, a tear dripping down her face.

"Cassidy Birch, right?" Dilan asked in a softer voice. Cassidy looked up at her, biting her lip and nodding. Dilan nodded. "Let's go get you checked out then." Dilan suggested, moving towards the medical tent. Cassidy nodded and followed her, only dragging her feet slightly.

They got into the medical tent and one of the medics checked her out while Dilan waited outside. Then the medic fetched her, and she came back inside.

"Given what she's told me, the girl is 4 months pregnant." The medic informed quietly from the side. Dilan frowned slightly.

"She's too far along for an abortion then." Dilan guessed and the man nodded. It would have been risky but less risky than childbirth out here with limited supplies. And then you've got a fucking child out in titan country.

"Yes, but the girl is strongly against it. I suppose that's why she waited so long to tell us." He suggested. Dilan glanced over to her in the medical gown. Now that she was less covered Dilan could see the bulge around her stomach.

There was a child in there.

An innocent child.

Fuck.

"I'd like a moment alone with her." Dilan said and the medic nodded, leaving the tent. Cassidy glanced at Dilan before looking back at her hands, biting her lip as her eyes glossed over.

"I-I truly am sorry." She whispered, shame in her tone. Dilan frowned slightly.

"Who's the father?" Dilan asked and Cassidy tensed up, a panic flashing through her eyes that Dilan didn't like the look of.

"I um... I don't want to say." She swallowed. Dilan observed her for a moment, coming to a conclusion that made her feel rather sick. One of those bastards clearly forced themselves on her.

"Honey how old are you?" Dilan asked in a softer tone. Cassidy looked up at her in surprise.

"S-Sixteen." She replied quietly. Dilan sighed, rubbing her head. She sat down on the medical cot next to her.

"I'd like you to tell me now who raped you so we can stop it from happening again." Dilan said gently, watching as Cassidy tensed again and more tears dripped down her face.

"I-I-" She choked on a sob and Dilan's heart broke for her. She'd been there.

"Shh, it's okay. Come here." She soothed, gently pulling the girl into a hug. Cassidy sobbed into Dilan's shoulder as she rubbed her back comfortingly, letting her get it all out.

Dilan probably wasn't allowed to kill her assaulter, but she was going to make him face hell.

It took a while, but Cassidy managed to compose herself. Dilan could imagine how horrible it must have been for her to be shamed like that. Dilan had faced it herself with the Nile incident way back when.

"It's okay, kid. We're going to take care of you, but we have to make sure this doesn't happen again. Please tell me the name." She encouraged gently, squeezing her hand for support. The girl took a few shaky breaths, wiping her eyes.

"Bailey Johns. H-he died." She admitted shakily. Dilan remembered the name. He was one of the men that had died on the field so far.

Well that lessened the guilt dramatically. If the bastard wasn't already dead, she may have thrown him off the wall.

"H-He said he loved m-me. H-he told me we were a couple and-and then he came into my tent." She shuddered. "I-I wanted to scream I w-was just s-so scared. I'm s-sorry." She cried. Dilan's heart lurched.

"This was not your fault. Something bad happened to you, you're the victim and you should never feel guilty that it happened. I know your scared, but I've got you okay. You'll make it through this." She comforted, remembering one time when Levi had comforted her similarly when Dilan had blamed herself.

The girl sniffed, looking at her with teary eyes.

"And-and my baby?" She whimpered slightly. Dilan sighed. She couldn't guarantee the child's safety. Not on a fucking wall. It's not like they could retreat just to deliver a child back.

"I will do my best to protect them, but I can make no promises, understood?" Dilan asked carefully. Cassidy sniffed but nodded.

"Thank you Major. T-thank you for not shouting at me." She gave a small smile. Dilan nodded, smiling back.

"It wasn't your fault; you did nothing wrong. I only wonder why you didn't tell us earlier. Were you unsure?" Dilan asked. The girl looked down.

"When I realised, sure I was scared but... it's my baby. I want to keep it. You weren't sending me down the wall and it was pretty easy to avoid training. I wanted to wait until no one could force me to give it up. I told my friend b-because I wanted her support. A-and well... you saw what happened." She sniffed.

Dilan's eyes widened a fraction and she pressed a hand to her own stomach subconsciously. She never knew if she was, but she had decided back then that it didn't matter. Dilan didn't regret her decision but knowing that there's a possibility she killed a part of her will always make her ache. She supposed the ache was too strong for Cassidy to ignore.

"I understand." Dilan mumbled. "We'll sort this out Cassidy." She reassured, feeling a burst of protectiveness for this young mother and her baby.

They were under her protection now.

"My friends call me Cassi." She offered. Dilan smiled, nodding.

"Okay Cassi. Hang tight, I'll be back soon." Dilan said before leaving the tent.

She wasn't surprised to be met with 50 or so nosy cadets trying to listen in.

"If I hear a bad word about cadet Cassidy from anyone one of you shits, I will personally make your life a living hell. Understood!" She growled. They all tensed.

"YES MAJOR!"


And so, life went on. Dilan did her best to make Cassi as comfortable as possible. She was given her own tent for some privacy near to Dilan's. Dilan gave her extra rations of food for every meal and provided her with extra blankets.

It was clear the other cadets were not exactly pleased with the favouritism but a sharp look from Dilan was all they needed to shut the fuck up about it. Cassi said that she didn't want them to know the truth and while she knew they would be easier on her, Dilan understood. Being looked at like your broken is way worse than being badmouthed.

Thankfully Dilan had the support of people who did neither. God, she missed her friends terribly.

The daily expeditions went on and things were normal. Until 5 months later when the bomb dropped.

"MAJOR!" A medic yelled and Dilan looked up from her formations she was working on while swinging her legs over the wall. It was dark, just past curfew and most were in their tents. Dilan was on watch making some adjustments. They had been having a few close calls recently and she wanted to make sure no one would die if it could be helped by a simple tweak in arrangements. She had come up with nothing so far.

Honestly her mind had been someplace else the last hour. It was not natural to miss one person this much. When were they going to pull that fucking retreat flare?

"Yes?" She asked, standing back on the wall. He looked distressed and most cadets had popped their heads out of their tents to see what's happening.

"Miss Birch..." He panted. "She's in labour!" He exclaimed and Dilan's eyes widened. Clearly the officer was not a doctor. He was used to textbook injuries, sowing up wounds.

No one here, was used to childbirth.

"Okay well... okay." Dilan breathed. She had been dreading this moment for the last 5 months.

She felt like a panicking spouse.

They had been preparing but no amount of preparing could ready them for the real thing. Suddenly she had an idea. Why hadn't she thought of this earlier?

"CADETS! ATTENTION." She ordered. There was scrambling and unzipping before sleepy cadets came out form their tends, blinking at the interruption. "Cadet Birch is in labour. Is anyone familiar with midwifery?" She asked.

Silence.

"Even animal labour is better than nothing. I'm sure some of you must have grown up on a farm." She continued.

More silence.

The silence was more stubborn than unknowledgeable and Dilan pursed her lips in annoyance.

"We've been together a long time and I have never been disappointed in you like this. A comrade is hurting, no matter your opinions on the issue, it is your duty to lend a hand." She scolded and most of them looked down in shame.

"But she defied your direct orders, Ma'am." A cadet spoke up. Dilan narrowed her eyes in on the voice, seeing it was the loud ass cadet who shunned her in the first place.

"Everything is not always as black and white as it seems." Dilan replied simply and eyes widened.

Another moment of silence followed.

"My mother was a midwife. I've seen her preform a few births before." Loudmouth grumbled reluctantly. Dilan supressed a smirk of satisfaction.

"Very well. You'll come with me. The rest of you get back to bed. If you hear screaming... well... try not to pay it any attention." She added with a cringe and the cadets made faces before retreating back to their tents. "Thomas, Caden." She called and the cadets ears pricked, instantly weaving through the crowd to stand before her at attention. She resisted the urge to chuckle at their obedience.

Levi sure would like these shits.

"I need you two to be on patrol tonight. Make sure people stay in their tents, we don't need another pregnancy. I realise it's unfair to keep you up when it's not your turn to be on watch but I trust you two the most to listen to me. Understood?" She asked. She was wary about who she left on patrol these days, especially when she was out of the area. It's not like there was no one on guard the night Cassi was raped meaning the cadet on patrol was terrible at their job or... they knew what was happening and they let it slide. Dilan hoped it was the former and not the latter. But she couldn't take any chances.

She had switched up the rota recently to ensure watch was a two person job. To be extra cautious she always placed her most trusted soldiers with her dodgy ones. But tonight she didn't want to be focused on anyone else but Cassi. She knew Caden and Thomas wouldn't fail her.

Caden smiled widely while Thomas remained firm face but Dilan didn't fail to notice the happy look in his eye at her praise.

"Understood Major." They replied seriously. Dilan nodded in approval before she looked at Loudmouth and they walked towards the medical tent in silence.

"Cassi tells me you're a friend of hers." Dilan mentioned. She frowned.

"Past tense if you don't mind me correcting you, Major." She grumbled. Dilan frowned and stopped walking. Loudmouth stopped walking too. Dilan had become fond of Cassi over the last 5 months. She was a wonderful girl and Dilan did not like how she was being disrespected because of something that happened out of her control.

"What is your name, cadet?" She asked. The girl swallowed nervously.

"Grace, ma'am."

"And how long have you known Cassi?" She asked. Grace looked at her floor.

"Since the cadet corps." She replied quietly.

"So, you've known her for a while then. Would you ever expect something like this from her?" Dilan asked. Grace frowned.

"No! That's the whole point, she-!"

"Well if this is out of character then you might want to use your head and understand why." Dilan said seriously. Grace paused, confusion flashing across her face for a moment. Dilan gave her time to get there, knowing she had at the small gasp and the wide eyes.

"A-Are you saying she-she was..." Grace trailed off, horrified. Dilan sighed.

"I'm not saying anything. I'm saying before you shamed her in front of everyone it might have been a good idea to ask for the whole story." Dilan gritted the last bit trying to keep her temper under control. This sure was bringing up a lot of shit.

"I-I didn't-"

"You can apologise to her later what she needs right now is support from a friend. Can you do that for me?" Dilan asked seriously.

Grace took a moment, nodding firmly.

"Yes ma'am!" She replied with determination and they both hurried back to the medical tent.

The labour was a slow gruelling process that looked so motherfucking painful Dilan almost couldn't watch. Thankfully Grace knew exactly what needed to be done, being steady the whole time.

She was really the rock of the operation.

While Dilan and the medics, on the other hand, were freaking the fuck out. Cassi was squeezing Dilan's hand so hard that she was sure the bones were going to break but she didn't much care. She was too worried. It seemed to be hurting too much.

When Grace frowned, Dilan knew there was a problem.

"Grace, what's going on?" Dilan hissed quietly, dunking the rag in cold water and squeezing it out before putting it on Cassi's burning head again.

Grace bit her lip.

"The babies breach." She replied quietly and Dilan's eyes widened in dread. A normal birth was going to be difficult but a breach?

"W-What's wrong, I-is the baby okay?" Cassi whimpered. Dilan smiled reassuringly, stroking her hair.

"The baby's fine, kid." She comforted and Grace nodded. Cassi sighed in relief.

"But it's the wrong way around, you need to push even harder when I say." Grace informed in a calm tone. Cassi's eyes widened and she choked on a sob.

"It hurts! I can't do it!" She cried. Dilan's heart lurched. She looked like she was in complete agony. Grace sat up a bit, steadying hands on her knees.

"Yes, you can. You are the strongest person I know Cass. I'm sorry I haven't been here for you recently and I'll never be able to apologise enough for that but I'm here now. I've got you and I know you can do this. You want to see your baby, don't you?" She asked with a smile. Cassi took a shaky breath, blinking out a tear before nodding. "Then just fight a little longer and it will all be over soon." She comforted. Dilan internally thanked god that the girl had seen sense.

Cassi took a deep breath, steeling herself.

"O-okay." She agreed with a small smile. Grace nodded and Dilan squeezed her hand for support.

"Alright. 1...2...3..."


The labour took all night but at the break of dawn the baby was born.

A baby girl.

Cassi was crying, Grace was crying, Dilan was crying and even the two medics were crying. The baby was so beautiful. Cassi held it in her arms and rocked it gently, smiling and crying happy tears. Dilan was so glad they made it through, she felt nothing could go wrong.

Of course, life doesn't work that way, does it?

A week later, Cassi developed an infection no matter how hard they had tried to prevent it. She fought it but they just didn't have the right healthcare. Dilan did all she could, scouring the land for different healing herbs but nothing worked. They could slow the infection best they could but they didn't have the right technology to flush it out. Dilan had thought about sending her to the west so Hanji could look at her but they would have the same healthcare over there and Cassi refused to leave her baby.

Just two months ago Cassi succumbed to her illness. The girl was dead.

The baby was orphaned.

Dilan hadn't felt pain like that in a long time. She felt she had failed her, her and the baby who now had no mother. She had an urge to cut that night and nothing had scared her more. She needed Levi, she needed her rock and yet he wasn't here, so she powered through. Internally she was cracking but she wouldn't let it show.

She had come too far for that.

Looking after the baby became something of a rota for herself and a few trusted members of the taskforce. She had promised Cassi on her death bed that her baby would be looked after.

The baby girl had been named Josie after Cassidy's mother. Dilan just hoped she would be able to get Josie back to her family. Despite their earlier grievances, the baby was adored by the scouts. She wanted for nothing and Dilan was proud to say she was doing well. They had been able to fashion her a crib and various blankets had been donated.

One cadet went as far as tearing up a sheet and make her a small stuffed toy, using some feathers from their pillow for the insides. Dilan wasn't impressed that they had wasted resources, but Josie loved it and Dilan was a sucker for making the kid happy, so she didn't protest.

Yes... she did get a bit attached.

A few more months passed, and they were coming up to their 2-year mark.

It was breakfast and Josie was being fussy. It was Dilan's turn to look after her for the morning. A job she was a bit too fond off. The baby brought life back into the hearts of the soldiers. She was their little glimmer of hope.

"Jo-Jo, baby girl, please eat." She begged for the 10th time.

Josie made a face doing her very best to say; No. No I will not.

Josie was an adorable kid, if only mildly bad tempered. It took a while, but she was starting to look a bit like her mother. She had tanned skin and patches of fluffy brown hair that matched her warm hazel eyes. Dilan could see none of her father in her and she was grateful for that fact.

She was almost 8 months old now and Dilan was so relieved she had made it through her young vulnerable age. Not to say she wasn't still vulnerable, but she was a lot sturdier, rolling around and grabbing things, being a fussy eater. Food was a concern for a long time. Cassi was able to feed the baby while she was alive but they were unsure of what would happen next. In a desperate attempt Dilan and a few of her team went scouting for things the baby could eat.

Thank god Maria citizens were farmers.

Dilan had established a base on the ground, not too far from the wall. It was a large farm house and they used it as a place to hold their stock. Cows were rare to come by but a few were still dotted around the area, unburdened by their previous farmers fences. They were rounded up and locked down. The farm land was unkept but Dilan had taken down a few of the more experienced farming cadets as well as a few other volunteers eager to help and kept guard while they worked on the land. It was hard work but rewarding.

Dilan was glad they had extra sources of food now incase they ran out of rations quicker than expected.

They started incorporating cows milk into Josie's diet as well as grounding up different plants to get her the nutrients she needed. It looked nasty as hell but Josie ate it so that was good enough for them. Dilan was worried about what effects the lack of real nutrition would have on her but it was the best they could do for now. She was thankful that Cassi had managed to hang on for as long as she did and Josie had gotten her mother's milk for the first 6 months of her life.

"Josie." Dilan frowned as she turned her head once again, avoiding the spoon of ground up, makeshift baby food at all costs.

Some cadets sniggered at Dilan's failed attempts and she looked up to glare at them.

"You want to try your hand at dealing with her?" She asked. They tensed and shook their head quickly. Dilan sighed, knowing only one thing was going to work.

She was just going to have to abandon her pride to do it.

"Okay Jo-Jo. Here comes the mother freaking birdy." She huffed, diving the spoon down, Josie's eyes lit up in delight and she opened her mouth wide, sucking the contents of the spoon and swallowing it, giggling in happiness, clapping her hands.

Dilan smiled, her heart-warming at the cuteness of this kid.

"Damn, I used to be so ruthless." She mumbled, bouncing Jo on her leg, she giggled again.

"Major, we're ready to set off." Nanaba called. Dilan sighed, looking down at the baby who was blinking up at her curiously.

"Don't look at me like that kid. I'd much rather stay here with you but I kind of have to go kill some stuff." She informed. Josie blinked again before laughing and touching Dilan's chin. Dilan smiled, kissing her forehead before standing up and passing the girl to Grace.

The cadets swarmed around her, cooing at her cuteness.

"Remember to train, not just aw at the baby." Dilan reminded, stroking Josies head before taking a step back. Josie looked at her, reaching out with a frown and Dilan literally felt her heart melt, forcing herself to walk away.

"Aw, Dil, you look like you're going to cry." Jamie teased. He had trained hard and become a part of the task force. Unfortunately, she had grown close to the boy. Caden sniggered and Thomas had an amused glint in his eye. Dilan glared at the three of them.

"Shut up. She's adorable." She mumbled, tying on her cloak. Jamie snickered and did the same with his own. The force was about to move towards the stables when Dilan's ears pricked at the sound of horse's hooves and turned her head to see a cadet riding towards them... from the North.

"Major!" The cadet called, dismounting his horse and looking around. "Major Dilan Church!?" He repeated and Dilan jogged up to him, her heart in her throat.

"Yes. That's me." She said urgently. Was Levi hurt? Did he need help? They were told to only communicate when necessary. The cadet nodded, taking out a rolled piece of parchment from his bag, tied with a small piece of brown string.

"Message from Captain Levi." He informed, passing the message over. Dilan held it tightly, swallowing down the lump of emotion that formed in her throat.

"Thank you. Wait here." Dilan ordered. The boy saluted and remained where he stood. Dilan disappeared into her tent without a word, lighting her oil lamp, she untied the string with shaky hands and straightened the parchment. Even if it was strictly business, this was the only words she had gotten from her best friend in 2 fucking years.

To Major Dilan Church,

I'm writing to inform you I have gotten word from Commander Erwin. There's talk of retreat soon but I advise you not to tell your troops. No need to get hope up just yet...

Fuck it- I doubt the messenger will open this. Holy shit do I miss you brat. Please tell me you're still alive and your dumbass hasn't gotten yourself killed yet.

(Levi switched from professional to personal in a second and Dilan let out an emotional laugh, a tear dripping down her face.)

I've wanted to write so many times, but we have orders and I tried to remain professional. Fucking blows, I'll tell you that. It's a shit storm up here, how about you? Your bratty self still remember how to read, or do I need to give you a refresher course?

(He continued to insult her, and Dilan snorted. She hadn't been this happy in a long time.)

You better not have forgotten. Write me back soon or I will literally break protocol and abandon my duties to ride over there and beat your ass. The squad are well. They talk about you a lot and its really fucking annoying.

Yours, Levi/ Grumps.

Dilan sniffed, wiping her eyes and smiling widely. It hurt but it was a good pain. He was alive and he sounded well. The squad were alive too. It's all she could ask for. Taking a moment to re-read the short letter before scrambling for some paper and a pen, drafting a letter of her own for the cadet to take back with him.

She used the same string that tied her letter to wrap around his, storing the precious piece of parchment in her box before composing herself and stepping out of the tent, handing the letter to the cadet.

He placed the letter in his bag, saluted and galloped off. Dilan sighed in relief, a genuine happiness filling her up. Contact after 2 years. He was still the same. All the death and destruction hadn't affected him too badly.

Of course, she would need to look into his eyes to see the extent of the psychological damage. But Levi had always been strong. She knew he would be fine.

All they needed to do was hold out a bit longer and they would be back together again. And now that they had damned the no contacting order to hell, she hoped she would hear from him more. Maybe she could even get a letter from Hanji too. Her heart brightened at the thought. Things were going to get better soon.

She could feel it.

LEVI'S P.O.V.

Levi sighed, rubbing his face as he heard the cadet ride off towards Dilan's taskforce. His stomach was in knots. Yes, this was the first time he had been given permission to send a letter to her, but it was also the first time he'd had the courage to. It had been 2 years. What if she was already dead? What if something had happened to her? Levi didn't know if he would be able to cope.

He was breaking enough as it is, and he needed to remain strong for the taskforce. If he learnt something had happened to Dilan... well... command would go right out the window. He would snap completely and who here had the will to take his place? Greenies, the lot of them. Even after two years. No one here had the strength to continue on the way they were going. To push them down that wall every day, despite the risks, despite the deaths.

He had tried everything to keep them alive. Everything. He used formations and drills and anything his brain could think of, but the matter of the fact was that they were positioned at the gate. They were facing the brunt of the titans every single day as they continued to pore in from the outside. The more breaks he let them take, the more titans got into Maria and delayed Erwin from getting here to seal the gate. Levi couldn't believe it hadn't been sealed yet. 2 years. Yes, they were making progress but not enough. Erwin never stayed with his taskforce for long. They were plugging the wall with debris and it was starting to work too but it was all moving too slowly. There was too much on his shoulders and he was starting to crack.

It would be different if Dilan was here, but she wasn't. She wasn't here and there was a very real chance she was dead already. That's why he hadn't written to her yet and that's why, no matter how casual he tried to make his letter, when he was writing it he had to stop his hands from shaking.

If Dilan was dead... he wouldn't be able to go on. This taskforce's survival was pinned on the fact that the messenger would return in 6-8 hours with Dilan's response. It was pinned on the fact that his best friend was still alive and well.

2 years...

Levi shook his head at the thought, pinching the brim of his nose. Thankfully he had been busy. If he wasn't constantly exhausted 24/7 then he would have had way more time to worry about that brat. He was too busy trying to keep his cadets alive. After the first month on the wall, he had quickly realised that Erwin's plan wasn't going to cut it. He had lost 10 rookies already and moral was dropping. The young soldiers started to develop anxiety about going down and the squad told him there were whispers among the troops of deserting before it was too late. Levi couldn't blame them honestly, but he couldn't allow it to happen either. So... what did he do?

He thought about what Dilan would do. If she was here, what crazy plan would she concoct to get everyone's spirits up like the annoyingly smart brat she is.

So, Levi benched his fresh cadets. People still died but the numbers were less, and the troops were a lot more pleased about their chances. It worked for a while too. They were meeting numbers and the death count wasn't horrendous. Erwin had even brought them a few more reinforcements during his recent trip. Things started looking up again until a horde attacked his taskforce out of nowhere.

21 soldiers died.

Erwin could bring them all the reinforcements they wanted but it didn't change the fact that those men died under his command and that it was his fault. His decisions killed them. He had tried to save them but... there were just too many. The breach was still open. There were too many titans in his area to protect them all. What's worse, due to his lack of numbers, he had to start sending the cadets out with them too. Moral dropped as the death count increased.

Levi didn't know what to do about the depression. He was barely coping with his own. The worst part was that Dilan was only a few hours away. He could see her in a few hours, all he had to do was abandon his duty. He wished it were that simple. He truly did.

The squad were doing okay. He was proud of them, really. They had become fine soldiers and Levi had even made Eld and Petra squad leaders of their own to organise the cadets while they were out in the field. A lot of squad leaders had passed, meaning a lot of cadets were without guidance. They were doing well to keep hopes up that they were going to get out of this, but they could only do so much. It had been 2 years and there was barely any progress.

Perhaps if they were further away from the breach, it would be different. There wouldn't be as many titans and they wouldn't have to watch it.

Because that's what some of them did and it was honestly sickening to watch. They just sat there. They sat there and watched the breach; they watched the titans continue to flood through with a dulled gaze. They had lost hope that they were ever going home, and Levi was starting to agree with them. Erwin wasn't giving them anything to work with and he continued to have unrealistic expectations of what they could do.

They were barely making the twenty minimum titans as it is and recently Erwin ordered him to double it.

Levi had almost laughed when he heard. His troop were at their breaking point and he wanted more. Like it was so easy to break, get back up again and continue working. Levi would have to meet the numbers or... they would have to retreat with the breach still open. Levi didn't know if he would be able to do that. Because then those years without Dilan would have been wasted. Pointless.

Erwin had told him to write to her and mention that the retreat flare may be fired soon but not to tell her taskforce. He was to send the message to Hanji and Mike too. Erwin admitted he had no intention of doing such a thing, but Mike and Hanji's taskforces hadn't been meeting numbers lately and suggested they needed some form of incentive to motivate their troops without causing too much riot among the soldiers. It was sick but it was Erwin. And Levi agreed with him somewhat. He could use the motivation himself. It was a shame he was practically living on top of the breach.

His morning view was the lack of progress.

"Shit." Levi muttered, gripping his hair and starting at his chart of formations. What could he do? Seriously? What the hell could he do? He needed something. He needed...

He needed Dilan.

"Captain!" Eld's voice called from outside his tent and Levi looked up, taking a breath and raking a hand through his hair. He felt way too heavy these days. Still, he found the energy to get up anyway, stepping outside his tent to observe his temporary second in command.

He raised an eyebrow, seeing the rest of his squad behind them. They looked anxious. And Eld looked... well he looked pissed.

"What? I'm busy." Levi said, monotoned, crossing his arms. Eld clenched his jaw.

"Captain, we all saw that horse just now. It's going East. It's going to Dilan." Eld said firmly. Levi glanced at him for a moment.

"And?" He asked, bored. Eld eyes widened.

"Sir, we haven't seen her in two years! I thought we weren't allowed to communicate, what changed?!" Gunther asked desperately. Levi resisted the urge to scoff. Like he wasn't desperate to see her too.

"What changed is that I got permission from the commander to send word to her." Levi answered.

"Word to her about what, sir?" Petra asked, her eyes bright with hope. Hope that they would be able to leave soon. That they would be able to go back home.

"Classified." Levi replied, noting the disappointment in their faces. Eld grit his teeth.

"You could have let us send a message too, sir!" He pointed out, glaring, his anger outweighing his logic. Levi raised an eyebrow and Eld sighed, looking down, unable to keep his gaze. "I'm sorry, it's just... we miss her." He mumbled. Levi glanced at the others as they looked down too.

Could he blame them? He was going through the same thing. Dilan tied their group together. She kept their spirits up at the hardest of times. She meant something to all of them. She was part of their family and it hadn't felt right since she left.

"You aren't the only ones." He sighed, glancing towards the East. He turned back to see them looking at him in pure shock. He rolled his eyes, guessing he should fix his slip up before their heads exploded. "You're a lousy second in command, Eld." He added and Eld cracked a smile while the others chuckled.

"Well aware, sir." He replied. Levi glanced at the squad for a second.

"If you give me messages for her by the end of tomorrow, I'll see what I can do. Keep it short and appropriate." Levi warned and their faces brightened in a way Levi hadn't seen from them in a while.

"Thank you, sir!" They replied happily before hurrying back off to continue with their duties. Levi watched them go before looking back out to his taskforce. They were so lifeless...

Exactly how he felt.

Still he had work to do. If he didn't distract himself, he'd be waiting for that messenger all fucking day like an idiot. The formations still needed some adjustments. They were taking a break today, but they would be going back down tomorrow. For once, Levi didn't want to lose anyone. He wanted a way to make that happen.


It was later that evening and Levi was half asleep, leaning over his makeshift desk of crates and wood. Nothing fancy but being from the underground meant you learnt to adapt to any situation. That didn't mean he was pleased with the hygiene of this situation.

There was an awkward cough outside his room that woke him from his dazed state of in-between sleep and consciousness, and he blinked tiredly, looking around his empty tent before the muffle voice sounded again.

"Captain Levi, sir? S-sorry to disturb, but you-you said to come straight back-" He started rambling, but Levi was on his feet before he could finish, ripping the flap open and stepping outside. The cadet blinked in surprise.

"Well?" Levi asked, trying to keep the nerves of his voice. The cadet blinked again, and Levi almost ripped off his head of out of frustration before the boy jumped slightly in understanding, grabbing his satchel and taking out a note, holding it out to him. This time Levi was the one blinking. Was it really... from Dilan?

"Sir?" He asked after a moment. Levi snapped out of it, taking the rolled-up piece of parchment. He nodded his thanks and the cadet walked away. Levi stepped back into his tent and sat down by his oil lamp, staring at the paper. This message would give him the hope he needed to go on or confirm his deepest fears.

Levi took a deep breath before pulling the string off the message and straightening out the paper. When he saw the way, the letter was addressed the biggest sigh of relief left his lungs.

To Captain Grumps,

Levi read, a slow smile spreading across his face.

Been a while, huh? No ass, I have not forgotten how to read and write. I'm quite the literate nowadays, formations need changing up quite a lot. A lot has happened. Yes, it's a shit storm but we're managing. What's more, we have a fucking baby over here. It's a long story but the mother died and we're taking care of her. Her names Josie and she's completely adorable. She's so cute you wouldn't be able to handle it. Fucking miserable bastard.

Levi let out a small laugh by accident, clamping a hand over his mouth. If people heard him laughing in his tent, they'd surely think he'd become mentally unstable. Which probably was almost true five minutes before he opened this letter. Just to hear her words already helped immensely. Levi's eyes widened as she mentioned a baby. A lot had happened indeed. There was sure to be a story behind that.

I'm glad the squad are well, and I assume you are too. You better stay well. You're not the only one who has no problems with breaking protocol to beat ass and I will do that if you end up injuring yourself.

Levi smirked in amusement, seeing she hadn't gotten any less vulgar over the years. He had been worried about her mental state. He knew of the weight she had on her shoulders as taskforce leader and while he hoped she had less burdens over there, she didn't have people to share them with. He hoped she had found some people to rely on, but he also hoped she wouldn't get too attached. He couldn't help her from here.

He'll admit, there had been a few occasions where he had an urge to cut over the stressful period. He didn't doubt she had been through similar hardships, and he hoped she had found the will to resist so far.

I miss you too and the squad. I hope this will be over soon. Stay safe and make it back.

Yours, Dilan/brat.

Levi read through the letter a few times, finding it helped to sooth the ache in his heart. It was Dilan, after 2 years. For the first time in a while, Levi felt hope. It would be hard, but he would make it through this, make it back to her. He had a promise to keep after all. They just needed to hang on a bit longer.

DILAN'S P.O.V.

And so, the letters continued back and forth. She was sure the cadets were getting tired from delivering their messages again and again, but Dilan literally couldn't give two shits.

It wasn't the contact with him she wanted but it was enough. She was starting to feel herself again, even miles and miles away Levi still managed to comfort her on all the destruction. He still managed to put her back together without trying. The cracks were starting to fill.

They talked about the baby, the squad, the numbers, the deaths, how they were dealing with it. Everything. She had her best friend back she just needed to hold out a little longer and they would be able to retreat.

Dilan asked on the progress of the wall being plugged. Levi had admitted that it was classified. He wished he could tell her, but he couldn't risk it. Dilan understood but at the time she couldn't help a sinking feeling. It had been 2 years. She hadn't been able to understand what was taking so long.

It wasn't until one day, nearly 8 months later, that her letter was not responded to that she had felt her stomach drop. Dilan knew he was busy, and she should cut him some slack, but Levi had always responded to her letter within two days at the latest. It had been 2 weeks and she was finding it hard to concentrate.

"Di!" Josie snapped her out of her thoughts and Dilan looked down at the little girl sitting on her lap and smiled. Josie had grown quite a lot over the last 8 months. She was a verging on toddler age now being almost a year and a half. She could walk and climb which was terrifying, but it made Dilan happy to know she was getting stronger. Someone just needed to keep an eye on her at all times. Under no circumstances was she allowed near the edge of the wall.

Josie had a lot more hair now, forming a curly brown mop on the top of her head. She had a few teeth and big brown eyes. She could understand simple words now, even if you had to say them a few times. She was adorable and even spoke a few words herself.

The cadets had been trying to teach her their names which Dilan assumed must be very confusing because even she got people mixed up sometimes. There were a fucking lot of them. Regardless, Josie managed to catch on to a part of Dilan's name, although Dilan had no idea how.

Perhaps it was because the kid was always by her side.

"That's right Jo-Jo. Let's go get you changed." She replied with a chuckle as Josie poked her cheek with fascination.

She really was too cute.

Dilan stood up from the eating area where the other cadets where chatting away happily. She had given everyone the day off today with no training. They had been working hard today and they kind of deserved it. Thankfully only one more cadet had passed since. It was a tragic loss like all the others, but she was pleased most of the taskforce was still kicking. She would make them get through this.

Dilan got into Josie's tent. She had her own space that was extra insulated and tied downright next to Dilan's tent encase she starting crying.

And boy did she cry those first few months after Cassi died. Not that she hadn't cried before but this felt a lot different. She was crying for something they couldn't give her.

Dilan had never been that tired in her life. And the same could be said for Grace, Nanaba, Jamie, Caden and reluctantly Thomas, who helped her calm the kid down in shifts. Dilan couldn't blame her though. They could try but they could never replace her mother.

Dilan grabbed a change of clothes from the bag. Thankfully some of the cadets were rather skilled with sowing and they had been able to make her some baby clothes. They were all white since they were made of sheets, but they sufficed. The only problem was Josie was constantly growing so new baby clothes were constantly needing to be made. Dilan changed the kid, wrapping her up warm and kissing her forehead. Josie giggled and reached out for her.

"Di!" She smiled. Dilan chuckled, smoothing her hair down.

"That's right. Dilan." She encouraged slowly. The baby blinked at her. "Dilan." Dilan repeated, smiling as she gently grabbed at her hand with her small one.

"Di...l. Dillllla!" She babbled, getting closer. Dilan smiled, her heart-warming as she picked the baby up, cradling her head.

"Good girl, Josie." She praised, her eyes growing slightly glossy. She was forever wondering if this kid was going to make it. She was just so fragile.

Dilan's ears pricked as she heard a distant bang, various gasps following. Josie stirred at the loud noise, but Dilan shushed her gently, standing up and unzipping the tent.

"MAJOR!" Thomas yelled and Dilan looked the way he was pointing, eyes widening at the distant but clear purple smoke rising into the sky.

Everyone was frozen watching it.

Retreat.

They were going home.

Two more bangs were heard, and the purple smoke in the distance got bigger. Josie cried a bit, disturbed by the noise and Dilan looked down at her, her heart cracking slightly. She didn't have time to dread. The Northern taskforce would be here soon enough. They needed to make it to the South.

Dilan walked over to Grace, passing her Josie and telling her to get the baby's preparations ready. They had made contingencies concerning the child and the others could focus on them.

Dilan needed to give her orders.

"CADETS!" She spoke and all wide eyes fell on her. Dilan cracked a small smirk. "Let's get the fuck out of here!" She grinned and faces brightened, cheers followed.

They were going home after almost three years.


A/N: Hey! I'm so glad that people are liking my twist with the story. I was honestly worried about how people were going to react to it. Thank you all so much for being so supportive! You're the best! As requested I will tell you now that Dilan and Levi will be together in 7 more chapters (more or less). We're so close guys! Please hang on and keep reading!

MoonysLibrary: Hey! I'm so glad you like the time skip! Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm glad you agree that Dilan completely abandoning Erwin's plan was realistic. Theres just no way she would send helpless greenies down there without any supervision. Neither would Levi want to either but he's got a way worse position in the task force. He doesn't have much choice :( Mason was indeed an idiot but he kind of made up for it. Still, he was the first soldier Dilan lost under her command (if you don't count those lost on the way to the wall) and she wont easily get over it. Hanji and Levi's goodbye hug was one of the best parts to write, honestly. He's such a softy deep down. He misses both of them. Anyway thanks for reviewing and I hope to hear from you again soon!

Angie200116: Hi! Thanks for commenting! Dilan's plan is indeed working well. She hasn't lost any named characters yet and hopefully it will stay that way. I'm actually thinking about including some of the Taskforce squad in the later chapters while the whole story's going on with Eren and the gang. I don't know how that would work yet but I'm thinking about it. Maybe Dilan should get her own squad later on? I'm not sure but it's something I'm going to consider. Totally get the wanting to wrap them up in blankets thing, even if i created them. They're just so young, not made for this cruel world, lol. But yeah. Thanks for commenting and following along with my story, sorry for ranting at you about my future plans. This is how I come up with my plot lines, I just find the nearest person and rant to them about whatever my head comes up with. Lockdown gave me way too much time, lol. Hope to keep hearing from you!

MordredVisor: Majors above Captain?! Whoops. You're right too, I just looked it up. I think I got confused with the military and the marines, but then again, I'm not completely sure there is a Major position in the marines. Serves me right for not researching before hand, lol. Maybe I should change it? What's below Captain that would be a good position for Dilan? I don't want her to be just a squad leader because I think she deserves her own title for all the hard-work she's been putting in. Something to think about. I do like Major but if you have any suggestions maybe I'll go back and change it if I find the time. Thanks for telling me anyways. You've improved my knowledge of the Military. And I get how you must be frustrated about how they aren't together yet. But as I mentioned above, you've only got to wait roughly 7 more chapters if you don't include this one. I'll do my best to start posting daily again, school is really annoying. Getting in the way of my fanfiction writing time, lol. And sorry about the minor inaccuracies. I tried to kind of fix the food one but you'll just have to excuse my poor writing on how to get the carts up the wall with the horse elevation devices. It was the best I could come up with lol. I appreciate your constructive criticism, it really helps me to become a better writer. I hope you'll keep commenting and following along with the story!

Vain-gl0ry: Hey! Thank you for not hating me! I wouldn't blame you at this point, I have been torturing you for a very long time. Sorrryyyy! Thanks for understanding about the time skip, I knew you were originally against it but I'm glad I got you on board. I agree it's nice to see her circle growing. Dilan needs more people to rely on in the future, especially with all the chaos thats about to go down. Although, of course it also gives her more people to lose. I wish I could say it won't happen but that would be a lie since I don't know myself yet, lol. Sometimes the plot just comes to me in my sleep and I write it down when I wake up. We'll have to see what happens. Thanks for following along so long and for being so supportive! I really appreciate your dedication. Hope you're well!

Sodabo: Hi! Thank you so much for your comment! I'm so glad you liked the chapter and I'm pleased you like Dilan's character so much. I do too, honestly. She's my favourite our of all the OC's i've ever created when writing a story. She has her weaknesses but she doesn't let them define her. I promise you she will get the happy ending she deserves. And I agree that she's a great leader. I wanted to set that up from the beginning. She's an amazing strategist and she puts her people before orders and command. She fights for the people. I'm glad you liked the last chapter so much and I hope this one met expectations too. Even though there wasn't much Levi, it was really fun to write. Dilan's a badass and she deserves her moment in the spotlight, lol. Thanks for following along, I hope to hear from you again some time!

Purple Dragon Ranger: Thanks for your comment! I promise a sweet reunion, don't worry. I hope you'll keep reading, I appreciate your dedication to my story! Only 7 more chapters lol!

Mia: Thanks for your support and your continued following of my story! I'm glad you liked the turn out of the time skip, even if it was a bit shocking. Hope to hear from you again some time! Thanks!