PREGAME
"Hello and welcome to the 1,453rd Arda Cup soccer tournament quarterfinals. This match will be the first of the third round, deciding who proceeds to the semifinals: Rohan or Moria. Will the dwarves of Balin overcome their hereditary disadvantages or will the Rohirrim favorites manage to hold on to their chance at their 8th Arda Cup victory? Stay tuned."
"Hello, we're coming to you live from Redhorn Gate Stadium on a balmy summer afternoon - it's 68 degrees, the grass is dry, and it's perfect weather for football! I'm Athonin Merrypus."
"-and I'm Bretmyrtl Kanithion-"
"-and we'll be your commentators for this first quarterfinal match of the 2760 Third Age Arda Cup tournament. Let's review the situation so far."
"Well, yesterday Mirkwood knocked Lonely Mountain out of the the running, and after Iron Hills' disappointing loss to Near Harad on Wednesday, this match will decide whether the dwarves have any chance of all at winning the Cup. The Iron Hills team was the dwarven favorite this year, but Moria's upset victory over Laketown showed Middle Earth that the mithril mines can produce some surprising moves."
"Indeed! Boron Clovenbeard's impressive goal Thursday may not have been strictly regulation, but as the ref pointed out, there are no rules expressly forbidding the use of an ax as a club with which to knock the ball down the pitch. We can expect to see more of this in the game today, though MEFA Middle Earth Football Association will likely amend the official law book before the next Arda Cup rolls around."
"There was also some fancy footwork with Rohan last week, as the horse-lords shut out the Misty Mountains goblin team 3-0. The Rohirrim were up to their usual horseplay, if you'll pardon the pun, with a spectacular bicycle-kick by Ulric Son of Ulmar to clinch the victory at the end."
"And an easy victory it was, too! The MM goblins had three red cards in the course of the match, which put them at two less players after Rohan lost Hatha Son of Hathilda to a red card when Son of Hathilda beheaded the opposing team's keeper. Halla Son of Hallnar is still in critical condition following a retributive foul by MM captain Gorthom, who was also red-carded. With Misty Mountains keeper Klugblatt being the twelth player killed in this year's tournament, MEFA is seriously considering amending the rules to forbid players from bringing weapons onto the field."
"Such a great change in the rules will probably see massive protest from the fans, though. Weaponry are part of the enjoyment of the sport. Why, who can forget the 1982 Third Age Cup final, when Ellinor Son of Caramor slew the entire Mordor team, ensuring a victory for Gondor at his own expense, as enraged Mordorran fans tore him limb from limb? That, in my opinion, is the true spirit of football."
"Speaking of football, let's go now to Redhorn Gate Stadium, where the players are now entering the pitch..."
((the match itself is forthcoming, but I won't post it unless you leave reviews so I know anyone is actually reading this...))
((P.S. thanks to those who pointed out my typos - don't feel bad, it's actually quite helpful))
