Shahrazád's Ghosts


Chapter 5: Michael (Edward)


"It's so big," Bell whispered. Michael looked up from untying his shoes to figure out what "it" was, but without much success. Bell sat on the green cushion of the window seat, her blue dress falling around her in ripples that reminded him of flower petals, and she peered out the paned glass to the moor outside.

"What is?" he asked. He was used to having to ask her to explain herself. He learned to use words long before he learned to use thoughts. He had never quite gotten used to the mental montages that everyone else's minds presented to accompany their words. Then again, he'd only had a few years of practice and he had so many more years spent with Bell, first as a human and then as a vampire, communicating in the way only the two of them could.

"The sky," she explained. "There is no ceiling. It never ends. It makes me feel so small and exposed. I don't think I would like to be out there where I cannot know what is around me at all times and where anything could fall on my head."

"It is beautiful, too, don't you think?" he asked. He tossed his shoes into a corner and came to sit by her at the window. The window seat barely fit them both, but neither minded how they had to squeeze together so they both could sit down. He could see the sky better from that angle and she was correct. It was so very expansive that it made even this large stone fortress appear small in comparison. The clouds overhead reflected the rose and gold farewell of the sun. It reminded him of the day he realized the sun did not stay in the sky but vanished and came back again the next.

"I suppose it is. I hadn't really thought of it. It's just so much larger than our home was, it makes my head dizzy just thinking about it."

She pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and gave him a sweet smile. He still wasn't used to seeing her with dark hair. Since the day he first met her, the hair on her head never grew in longer than her ears and it was always such a pale shade of yellow it was almost white. The first day he returned from Volterra and found her with two colors of hair he had at first thought she was wearing a hat.

"No," she had told him. "I am not wearing a hat. Peter has not called me to him in a long time so he has not fixed my hair like he usually does."

He had not thought much of that until he saw the memories of Alice and the twins. The faces of the myriad of women they remembered were so close to Bell's that he recognized them at once. Some were thinner or plumper, older or younger, darker or lighter than his Bell, but underneath, they all shared the same scaffolding, just as Peter and this "Edward" could not be mistaken for anything but related.

Yet all these other versions of Bell grew hair as dark as the main doors in Volterra, as dark as the hair on Khalid and Kassim's heads once grew before age peppered them with silver, and as dark as Bell's hair now grew.

He wondered what other surprises all these other sisters of his Bell kept and if they were truly as different as the memories revealed. One aspect they all shared was their eyes. In each and every woman's face, the same brown eyes peered back, shuttering the only windows into the thoughts of the woman within. Bell's eyes met him now, warming him from the inside out.

"Do you ever wonder if we made the right decision?" she asked. "In leaving, I mean. We were safe there. It was our home; all I've ever known."

He shook his head and frowned. "Peter thought it was safer for us to leave. You trust Peter."

"Yes," she said, but hesitantly.

"Peter was afraid for you to stay and he thought this was better."

"I know. I don't understand why, though. There's so much I don't understand now."

"What do you not understand? I will explain it if I can," he said.

"So many things. For one, I do not understand what you were asking about today. What is death? Why did the idea trouble you?"

He closed his eyes for a moment as the shock of that morning's revelations washed over him for a second time. Bell was right. There were still many things that even he, with all his years in Volterra, did not understand.

"Do you remember when I left for Volterra?" he said, knowing well neither of them could ever forget those long, terrible days.

"Of course." She looked away from him and played with the clasp on the window as she fought the wave of emotion that those memories accompanied.

"Death is like that, except it is a journey you would never return from."

"Where would I go?"

"I don't know. I asked Aro once, you know. It was after that first time, when I did not know to leave when they fed. I could hear all the thoughts of their prey and then I could hear their thoughts stop and they did not return. Their bodies remained on the floor of the hall, but their thoughts were gone. When I asked Aro, he told me the humans were 'done thinking' and they would 'live again in their next life,' but he could not explain what he meant in a way I could understand."

"You cannot hear my thoughts. Does that mean I am already dead?"

"NO!" he said loudly before dropping his voice to less of a surprised outburst. "No. You are very much alive! You have thoughts, but I can't hear them. You like to hide your thoughts from me in the same way our baby hides his body. I can't see his body because he is hidden by yours, but he is still there. I can't see your thoughts, but they are still there. If they were not there, you would not be speaking and moving and being here with me now."

"I wish you could show me your thoughts like Khalid can so I could know everything you know."

"I wish you could show me your thoughts!" he responded, making her laugh in a light, short burst of humor. It was not the first time they had both bemoaned their lack of shared telepathy, but their complaint had never been taken seriously. At least, not until they met the twins and realized that such openness of communication was not outside the realm of possibility.

"So, thoughts are different from the body. Are there are different parts that make a person? Is that why you are still you even after your body was no longer the same? And I will still be me after I am changed?"

"I suppose so."

"I remember when you first gained your thoughts," she said, smiling fondly at the memory. "I watched over you for so long and then you were only a body. There were so many tubes and machines and I feared I would make a mistake. Peter gave me so many instructions. Then, one day, you woke up and your eyes learned to follow me and then your hands learned to reach for me and I knew you had thoughts."

"And I woke to the most beautiful sound in the world, not just once, but twice. I will never forget what it was like to wake to the sound of your voice speaking to me," he said. He gently cupped her cheek in his hand and reveled in the warmth. He would never forget how he had once longed for the glass barrier between them to be removed or how many times he had imagined what it would be like to feel her beneath his own fingertips again. It still seemed like an unbelievable dream to be able to reach out and find her within his grasp anytime he wanted.

"Now we have created more thoughts," she observed with a smile. She took his hand and placed it on the third set of thoughts which dwelt within her, the thoughts which were less immune to his gift then her own.

He broke into a joyful grin. "Yes! We have added another set of thoughts into the world that were not there before. I can listen to these thoughts all day, every day."

"What is he thinking now?"

"He is sleeping."

"How can you tell?"

"He isn't thinking about anything and he's stopped kicking you and his heartbeat has changed."

"I used to listen to your heartbeat," she said. "Back when you were still sleeping. The machines made it louder and I could listen to the patterns shift and change."

He bent his neck so he could lay his head against her breast where her heart still sang for him. "I still listen to your heartbeat. Though Carlisle says you won't need one anymore after."

"It's strange to think of how things will change then, but everything feels like it has changed so fast, what's another change? One day, I was alone and losing hope of ever seeing you again, the next day you were not only returned to me, but in my arms. Then, overnight, my entire body changed and there was another heartbeat and then I found myself outside of the only place I have ever known. There is so much change, Michael, I do not know how to keep up with it all."

"Are you ok, my love? You have been so brave and strong."

She nodded. "I wish knew more. There is so much I never even imagined could exist. One day, I've never even seen the sky and the next I am flying through it in a, what did you call it? In an airplane. There are so many people. You told me about the people you used to see in the world Outside back when you used to go on your practice trips. There are so many people! Just in this stone house, the people are so very different from each other. I do not know how to speak to them or how they expect me to be or how to behave in the correct way."

"But they are treating you well?" Michael asked, his concern growing at the thought that anyone was causing his love discomfort.

"Fine. Fine. It is tiring though – trying to figure out what to say and how to say it and try to understand the words they use and the things they are talking about. I am already so tired and my body aches so much. Perhaps, I would not find it so overwhelming if I was not already so worn out."

"You will get used to them, my love, and they will all adore you. I know it."

She fell silent for a time and closed her eyes to lean her head against the window pane. The day had been long and tumultuous for both of them. Her face was drawn and the shadows under her eyes had grown deeper in tandem with the approach of the night.

"I am afraid," she finally said.

"Of what?"

"So many things. What they talked about today - do you think you are only drawn to me because of your body made you want me? Or was it because we were trapped together for so long and you had no other choice?"

"I think I was drawn to you because we were supposed to be together. I was fortunate enough to start off life with the person I was meant for instead of having to find you and search for you, like everyone else has to do."

"You are so sure," she answered, weariness growing heavy in her voice.

"I never doubted it. Remember, I have traveled the world and I have had other choices and still I never doubted. I always knew." His confident smile fell as he considered her line of questioning deeper.

"Why?" he asked. "Did you...do you doubt? Is this new exposure to other people making you realize I was forced upon you and you would rather explore other options? Or did my absence make you doubt? You did have another choice then, remember? Perhaps you wish that it was Peter, and not me who, well, who was given that open door?"

"No!" she said, her eyelids flying open so she could communicate her sincerity through her expression. "No. I was grateful for Peter and I appreciated his company, but he was not you."

"I am glad you could recognize the difference. With so many of us running around, I find I can't rely on my good looks to recommend me to you anymore."

She laughed. "You have always been my entire world, my life, my everything. It's just…I am also afraid that something will happen again. That something will take you away from me again. Oh, I could not bear it! Those days were so empty and silent with nothing to fill them."

"My days were busy and noisy, but just as empty," he said. "All I could think about every day was when I could come back to you. I nearly drove Aro to distraction with all my mooning."

"The day you came back was the best day of my life."

"I have never been so happy as when I first came back to you."

"That is it, though. That is what plagues me. What if we are separated again? And, Michael, what are we going to do now? We will soon have a baby. From what Esme and Rosalie and Isabella told me, babies are very small and weak and need to be taken care of and taught how to do everything. I don't know how to take care of a baby. I've never even seen one. Where are we going after the baby is born and I am changed to be like you?"

"Carlisle said we can stay here as long as we like. They can help us. I think this is where we should stay for now. We cannot return to our home and I do not like Volterra. Oh, but Rosalie nearly took off my head when I didn't ask your opinion on our life decisions earlier. Let me stay on her good side and ask you properly. What do you think? Do you think we should stay here or go somewhere else?"

"Oh! I've never been asked my opinion or been given the chance to make choices in my entire life, and all the sudden I have to decide so many important matters in such a short time? I have never even been asked what I want for breakfast! No, if you think staying here with the Cullens is the best, I will agree. I don't know what else we would do and you know more than I do about this world Outside than I do."

"Hmmm, I think I will make sure to ask you what you want for breakfast tomorrow," he said with a crooked half-smile on his face.

"Whatever we ate for dinner tonight, I want that!" she burst out, but then blushed brightly.

Michael laughed. Then he gently scooped Bell into his lap and wrapped his arms around her, nestling his face into her hair and staying there, enjoying the sound of her breathing and the warmth of her against him. He knew he would do whatever it took to make sure they were not separated again. By anything.

"He wouldn't ever speak of it, but I think something happened that made him sad," Bell said

"Who?" Michael asked, surprised at the sudden change of subject.

"Peter."

"Oh, him. I think you are right. He thought about it, a little, when he first saw you after I came back. He was so surprised that his control slipped."

"What did you see?"

"Another woman, like you. He saw her die and he never forgave himself for her death. He didn't want you to end up like her."

"Why did she die?"

"Another vampire came through her door."

"Oh. Were there a lot? Of other vampires there, I mean?"

"I don't know. Peter seemed to think there were some, but he never showed how many or how far they stayed from us. I picked up a few trails when we were leaving, but we were so busy trying to escape, I didn't stop to count how many."

"Could that have happened? To us, I mean? Could a vampire have come through my door instead of you and stolen my thoughts away from me?"

"I don't want to think about that," he said, miserable at the very idea of it and how close it crept to his own unacknowledged fears.

"But isn't that why Peter came? He thought I would be dead when he came. That's what he said."

"Yes. He thought, or at least his mistress thought, that I would kill you. It doesn't make sense to me though. Why promise me I could return to you if she thought I was going to kill you?"

"I don't know. I think she must have no longer had a use for me. Why else would she set up circumstances which she thought would lead to my death?"

He grit his teeth and he replied. "I don't want to think about that."

"Do you think this mistress will come after us when she finds we have gone? She still had tasks she wanted you to do."

He shook his head, hoping he could convince himself along with Bell of their safety. "She has others like me. I can't imagine she would need me for much. And you already explained that she has no more use for you. No, I think that whatever her purposes are, they shouldn't involve us."

"I hope you are right."

"I am always right."

"I will remind you of that the next time you tell me that a pigeon is a hawk."

"They both have wings. It was not so far from the truth," he said, laughing at the memory. "Besides, that's why we have Khalid and Kassim around - to correct me."

"I am glad of that," she said and then she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

Oooo


Carlisle paced the length of the small study he used as an office, avoiding the mahogany desk on each tight turn as he walked. Michael stood in the corner, his finger running along the titles printed on the spine of each book on the shelves. It was nearly time and Michael wasn't sure if Carlisle's concerns were founded in a lack of confidence in Michael or in his lack of control in the situation. Michael couldn't worry. If he did, the floodgates in his mind would open to all the ways this could go terribly wrong and he would not be able to concentrate on how to make sure it went right.

"Are you sure you will be able to stop once you taste her blood?" Carlisle asked again. "Your predecessor had a very strong draw to her predecessor's blood. If you think it would be too much for you, I am more than willing to step in. I don't want you to have any regrets when this is all over."

"And risk you not being able to stop?" Michael said. "No! I do not mean to sound like I do not have faith in your abilities, but she is not your mate. I will do it. I do not trust anyone with such a delicate task."

"I understand your hesitations, Michael, and I also admire the amount of control you displayed in…achieving intimacy while not harming Bell, but this is different. Forgive me for this line of questioning, but have you much experience in self-restraint in feeding while around humans?"

Carlisle's thoughts filled with his own experiences in Volterra, many years earlier, and the way newborns were "trained" to both feed and restrain to enable them to perform their duties. Michael's nostrils flared and he threw his head back in his consternation.

"Oh, no, no, no," Michael said. "I did not go through the Volturi training like that. I could never drink from humans."

It was Carlisle's turn to be surprised. "But you drank human blood yesterday morning."

"No, I drank my special milk," he said. "It comes from a bottle and not from a person. It's similar to blood, but it's not the same."

"But I could recognize it from across the room. It contained human blood."

"No, it was milk. I've only ever drunk milk, even when I was in Volterra. I could not stand to watch them feed, the savages. I had to leave the room."

Carlisle's mind filled with questions at this.

His eyes are red…it must be human blood. But whose? If cloning is involved, do they clone for blood and dispose of the bodies?

Michael's eyes grew wide as he thought of something he had not before. "Do you eat people like the Volturi do?"

"You do not need to worry. We feed on animals only," Carlisle explained while providing a mental image of what he meant. Michael gasped.

"You are as savage as the Volturi! When I next see Peter, I will ask him to send some bottles for you as well so you do not have to live in such a violent manner. To survive on the death of living beings is incomprehensible!"

"I do not understand," Carlisle said after his initial shock faded. "How did you manage your newborn thirst if you did not hunt? Didn't you wake with a draw towards human blood?"

"Yes. When I first woke, my mind was not clear and everything was very confusing. I've never been so thankful for the barrier between Bell and I as I was after I woke and knew it had kept my Bell safe. No, then the deliveries came. Every week, bottles were delivered to me and with each one I drank, I could think more clearly and not behave so rashly. Poor Bell, I scared her half to death when I woke and was behaving as a mindless animal. Everything about me was so much stronger and more heightened after that change that I had to learn to distinguish between my various kinds of desires all over again. She was very patient with me as I adjusted and learned to think for myself again.

"Later, when I was around people with thoughts, I was so distracted by the novelty of other thoughts in my head and what they could teach me about that I didn't want to do anything that would make them stop thinking. To have so many thoughts within my grasp and then find them extinguished like a candle was too terrible a silence to think about."

"Fascinating," Carlisle said. He stopped pacing to consider Michael further, his head swirling with memories of his lost son and his son's own struggles with his gift and his thirst. A thousand questions warred within him.

Michael did not let him settle on one but interrupted him before he could.

"Carlisle, I appreciate that you cared about your son, but I am not him. Do not look to find him in me or you will be disappointed."

Michael did not need to be a mind reader to interpret the loss, sadness, and regret that flitted through Carlisle's mind before he gave a solemn nod.

"You are right. Well, since you are sure, let us proceed. Are you ready to meet your baby?"

Michael's face broke into a grin at that. "Absolutely!"

ooOoo


Author's notes:

I promised Volterra and then Michael whined so piteously about needing his own chapter that I gave in. I guess we do kinda skirt the edges of Volterra, but we haven't gone in as deep as I anticipated.

A few of you asked about Bell so here's a bit of insight into her character.

Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!