DILAN'S P.O.V.
"You okay, kid?" Dilan asked with a smile.
They were a few hours in, on the move to the forest. Eren seemed to be doing well, a little nervous looking, but this was the first time outside of the walls for him. The look on his face when they first exited the tunnel and he saw how open everything was made her smile. She remembered that look. Remembered wearing it herself.
Dilan had already told him they were in the safest part of the formation. In fact, there hadn't even been a single titan sighting yet. Dilan was almost a little bored but she was glad things were going well for their newest recruit so far.
Eren glanced at her, managing a weak smile.
"Yeah, I'm just worried about my friends, is all. They're on the edge of the formation." Eren admitted. Dilan smiled sadly in understanding.
"Worry about youerself greenhorn, this is your first time after all and- ah!" Oluo bit his tongue yet again and they all sighed in annoyance.
"How?! How is it possible!?" Gunther asked in exasperation. Dilan was in agreement with him on that one. The man bit his tongue at least 2 times every day.
"It not possible. Only complete idiots could pull that off." Eld teased and they all laughed as Oluo glared at them, holding a cloth to his bleeding tongue.
"Yeah, I mean if your so invested, just bite your tongue off completely and do us all a favour." Petra smirked and Dilan burst out laughing.
"Nice." She choked out, leaning over to give Petra a high-five.
"I hate all of you." Oluo mumbled and they sniggered. Dilan was pleased to see Eren looking a lot happier, even Levi had a distant fleck of amusement in his eyes.
Soon enough, they entered the tree line. The squad straightened themselves, all remnants of bantering gone as they paid attention to their surroundings just like they were taught. Dilan tensed slightly, looking at the others. They had no idea what was about to go down. Would they be able to handle it?
Would they all make it out alive?
There was silence in the forest. Dead silence. Dilan knew the vanguard swept the area so there were unlikely to be any titans around, but it still put her on edge. It was too quiet. Was Erwin right about this whole thing? Dilan supposed a part of her had been relying on the fact that he was wrong and this whole mission was just going to amount to nothing. What if that wasn't the case?
How much danger were they in right now?
Dilan looked around at their comrades, seeing the nerves had started to multiple. Dilan couldn't blame them. They had no understanding of what they were doing in this forest. A couple years back Erwin had started to cut the forest out of missions completely, deciding that, while it saved time going through rather than around, it cause them to suffer too many casualties and wasn't worth it in the long run. Dilan had almost flipped her shit at that announcement. If the bastard had chosen that option a while ago then maybe her squad wouldn't be rotting in the ground. Still this wasn't the time to get pissed about that.
The group was starting to squirm.
"Captain?" Eren asked, his anxiety on the situation clearly getting the better of him.
"What?" Levi replied flatly.
"Come on, sir, we're in a forest! We wont be able to see anything until it's right on top of us. Somethings coming isn't it?" Eren asked and Dilan was impressed. The kid wasn't wrong. "What are supposed to do? Avoid titans or defend the wagons?!" He asked.
"Quit whining and move on from the obvious. Neither of those are options now." Levi continued to spout some shit both Dilan and him knew was just to get Eren to calm down for the moment. They didn't need him to freak out, not in the middle of battle. From the looks of things his words calmed the others down too but their faces still showed their confusion.
They were trying to figure out why they were in here. Dilan caught Petra trying to make eye contact with her more than once but ignored her for the moment. She couldn't afford to crack right now. All would be clear soon. Dilan just hoped they would be able to handle it.
Everyone snapped their heads around as they heard a flare fired behind them and looked up.
Black smoke.
"Crap. It's right behind us." Gunther hissed.
"Blades drawn. Now." Levi urged and Dilan swallowed, following command like the rest of them.
Erwin that mother fucker. Why does he always have to be right?
What Dilan wouldn't give to punch his face in.
"It'll happen in the blink of an eye." Levi said, glancing back at her. She nodded, telling him she was ready. "Be ready." He warned to the group, hesitating before breaking eye contact with her and facing forward again. Dilan took a steadying breath, trying to control her heartbeat.
There was silence for a moment while their horses galloped along.
Then… it happened.
Dilan heard the sounds of gears and looked back in time to see a cadet facing something, she couldn't see, head on. He was engaged in battle and he looked terrified. Then, a horrifyingly loud smack sounded as a large hand collided into him, blood spraying out at all angles as though someone was simply swatting a fly.
Dilan gasped as she saw it. At least 14 meters. It was unlike any titan she had ever seen before. The form was distinctly female, and the flesh seemed to be torn from some parts of its body, leaving only muscle. Its eyes were piercing blue and angry. Dilan had never seen such anger in a titan before, such rage. It looked strong and decisive.
It looked… human.
"Go! Move it!" The Captain ordered and they all slapped their reins moving faster, trying to outrun the beast. Dilan clenched her jaw, steadying herself. The others looked to the thing in horror, shock clear on their faces. Eyes widened as the titan sped up and smashed through a tree trying to grab the target Dilan knew was Eren. She missed by an inch and fell back as a result, but it didn't take her much to catch up again.
Dilan swallowed down the uneasy feeling in her gut.
"HOLY SHIT!" Gunther exclaimed, clearly not pleased with their position. The bitch was right on top of them.
"It's catching up!" Eld yelled.
"Captain! Engage the 3DMG?!" Petra asked. Levi ignored her, glancing at Dilan, probably to assess how well she was holding it together. Dilan looked at him too and she could read him plain as day behind that stoic exterior. He was not happy with this situation either, but he couldn't show that to their subordinates. Dilan gave him a comforting look, hoping it would help him. Levi's shoulders lowered slightly and managed to remain calm like they needed him to be right now.
More 3DMG sounded and Dilan looked back to see more cadets flying towards the titan. Dilan's eyes widened in shock. What the hell were they doing here?! Surely Erwin wouldn't send them in now? They were going to get themselves killed!
"Shit." Dilan hissed as the titan grabbed onto one and smeared him against the bark of a tree. She was about to stand up and make sure those idiots didn't get themselves killed as well as turn the others back if more were following. Only Levi or herself would be able to take down a titan like this.
These guys were on a suicide mission.
"Dilan." Levi's voice cut her thoughts and she winced as the other one was grabbed and slammed into a tree. Her heart was beating fast. She couldn't let anymore die. Dilan looked at him desperately, eyes wide. The regret in his eyes was clear as he used the cover of the others begging to engage to mouth something to her.
'Stay' he said. Dilan looked at him in shock as she remembered their conversation at the hotel.
"What do you need from me then?" She asked seriously. Levi pulled back to look at her.
"Dil I can't make you-"
"What do you need from me, Levi?" She repeated, looking into his eyes and stroking the back of his neck. Levi looked back and hesitated before replying.
"When I tell you to stay, I need you to listen." He said seriously.
So, this is what he was talking about.
This is what Erwin had used his favour on after all these years. Dilan could understand his reluctance now, why he was so down after the meeting.
It all came together pretty quickly. Erwin, the bastard, was using reinforcements as a way to buy time so they would make it to the checkpoint without having to engage and risk Eren further. He was sending these people to their deaths without even letting them know of the risks. Dilan knew full well they were going to keep coming and they were going to keep dying until Erwin was satisfied.
That sick fuck.
"CAPTAIN!" Petra yelled, her voice breaking a bit in her panic.
"WE NEED YOUR ORDERS SIR!" Oluo added.
"LET'S JUST TAKE HER OUT! THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE ISNT IT?!" Eld interpreted. It was clear they were starting to freak out by the Captain's silent treatment.
Dilan was still struggling with her own mental dilemma.
"CAPTAIN!" Gunther yelled.
"Your orders sir! Please!" Eren begged.
Dilan rubbed her face, unsure of what to do. She knew they were going to come. More lives were going to be wasted and she was going to have to watch.
"Cover your ears, now." Levi ordered and everyone was confused until he shot a sound flare and the squad fell into silence, wincing at the noise, as despite their instruction everyone had failed to cover their ears.
They waited for him to speak again.
"Remind me, what is our mission? Is it to act on impulse during the heat of them moment? It's not. Our mission is to keep this brat alive, no matter the cost. We keep pushing forward." Levi ordered sternly and Dilan saw the squad calm down.
Dilan took a breath herself, still unsure but weighing the weight of his words. If she interfered with the mission it could be all for nothing. All the lives that had ended getting to this point would be for nothing. If Dilan hated anything on this planet, it was unnecessary deaths.
"We'll continue on horseback. Is that clear?" Levi asked.
"As a bell, sir." Petra replied.
LEVI'S P.O.V.
Levi glanced back at Dilan, trying to read what she was thinking. It was obvious she had figured it all out by now but by the distant expression on her face she was still trying to decide what to do. Whether all those lives were worth it. Levi didn't blame her, and he hated putting her in this decision. He hated more that he couldn't be there for her right now, she had to figure this one out by herself.
Levi just hoped after all of this was over, she wouldn't resent him too harshly.
Eren started babbling about how long they could keep riding for, and Levi was ignoring him, glancing back around to Dilan whenever he had the chance. The tormented expression grew with every second as she looked down at her hands and Levi hated himself for doing this to her again.
"NO! They keep coming!" Eren yelled and Levi saw Dilan closed her eyes tight, clenching her jaw and doing her best to ignore the screams.
Fighting against her most basic instinct to help.
It didn't matter who they were, Levi knew that Dilan believed they were valuable with all her heart. Even now, even after she started caring, even after all these years, she would still give up her life for every single one of these soldiers. Levi used to be mad at that fact, wanting her to care more about herself but he had grown to realise that Dilan wasn't being careless, and it wasn't that she didn't care about her own life. She was simply the most selfless person within these walls. It was in her nature.
She couldn't fucking help it.
"THEIR ALL GOING TO DIE UNLESS WE TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING!" Eren continued and Dilan tensed.
"Eyes front! Don't look back!" Gunther yelled.
"Seriously!?" Eren said in exasperation.
He actually reminded Levi a lot of Dilan. Especially when she was younger. Perhaps that's why they bonded so well in such little time.
"Keep pace with the group! Remain top speed or we're all dead!" Eld ordered and Levi was pleased the squad were keeping Eren in check so he could focus on Dilan's mental wellbeing.
She didn't look good.
Eren looked around in a panic, trying to find someone who agree with him. His eyes landed on Dilan who was remaining fiercely silent and Levi swallowed.
This was not going to be helpful.
"Dilan please! You can save them! I know you can, I know you care!" He begged and Dilan looked at him in shock, her composure starting to crack.
They all looked back as a scream rang out and another man's life ended.
"Another one! Dilan please, if they won't help you have to! You have to do something!" Eren pleaded with all his heart and Dilan's hands were starting to shake with the strain of resisting. Levi was struggling himself.
All he wanted to do was take her away from this stressful situation.
"I-" Dilan tried, but cut herself off, biting her lip.
"STOP BOTHERING DILAN. WE HAVE ORDERS!" Oluo said firmly.
"ARGH!" Someone screamed.
"Dilan, I know you! There's still one left! Save him!" Eren yelled.
"EREN SHE HAS ORDERS, DON'T MAKE THIS DIFFICULT!" Petra tried but Eren ignored her.
"DILAN! FUCKING DO SOMETHING!" He demanded and Dilan looked right at Levi, her eyes glossing over.
Levi's heart lurched at how much pain there was on her face and he couldn't look for long or he'd cave himself. Where would they be then? Levi looked straight forward and took a moment to try and compose himself. They were so fucking close. A few more minutes and they would be there. A few more minutes and these men's deaths wouldn't have been for nothing. If they break now, there was no point to any of this.
"BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, SOMEONE! HOW CAN ALL OF YOU JUST IGNORE WHAT'S HAPPENING BACK THERE!" Eren asked, astounded.
If only the kid knew how much mental torment was going on around him.
"DAMNIT EREN, FOLLOW ORDERS!" Petra yelled.
"ASK NOT THE REASON WHY, ASK BUT TO DO AND DIE! YOU'D UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU WERENT SUCH A GREENHORN!" Oluo chastised.
Eren was silent for a moment and when Levi glanced back, he understood why. The kid was looking at his hand, a burning determination in his eyes. Levi had seen that look before; he had seen it in Dilan actually.
The kid was about to go rogue.
"NO EREN! STOP!" Petra ordered before he could bite down. Eren looked like he was about to ignore her. "EREN!" She cried.
Levi looked over to Dilan, seeing her resistance was failing. Her hands were on her blades and she was glancing at the last soldier, her breathing fast. Levi knew he needed to say something to her. He couldn't talk to her directly, but he knew she would know.
Eren could probably use hearing this as well.
"I wouldn't blame you." Levi said, evenly, looking straight forward. He could feel Dilan's surprised eyes on his back. "Do as your conscience dictates." He continued, trying to tell her he wouldn't be mad. If she needed to do this, yes it would ruin the plan, but Levi didn't care all that much.
If Dilan needed to do this, he would be with her. But he had to let her know her other option.
"We don't agree because our experience brings us to opposing views. That's life. At the end of the day there's no reason to go against how you see it. The choice is yours. You can trust yourself, or you can trust those willing to put their life on the line for you. I don't know which way is better. I never have. In the end you choose what you choose. If at the end your regrets are at a minimum, good for you." Levi continued in his same dulled voice although he hoped Dilan would read behind his message.
Trust me.
Glancing back at her, he knew she got the message. She took a few breaths to calm down, lowering her blades and turning her attention back to the matter at hand. Eren would only listen to Dilan right now out of the group.
He trusted her the most.
"Kid." Dilan said in a calm voice. Eren looked at her. "We have to let this one go." She said sadly and Eren's eyes glossed over slightly. Levi sighed a breath of relief, looking straight forward again. The brat had it under control now. They were so fucking close to the checkpoint.
Eren looked back at the soldier.
"B-but, he's-" He cut himself off, his voice cracking.
"I know bud. I know. I like it as much as you but do me a favour yeah?" She asked softly and Eren nodded without fault. "Trust us." She said and Eren's eyes widened.
There was a moment of hesitation.
"Eren, you're taking too long! Decide!" Levi ordered, giving him that last push.
"I'M WITH YOU!" Eren confirmed and Levi nodded in approval. He closed his eyes as the screams of the last man rang through his ears, thanking him for his service. Suddenly they passed the point required.
"FIRE!" Erwin ordered and thousands of wires shot through the air, incapacitating the monster in a cloud of smoke.
It was all over.
Everyone looked back at the pinned titan in shock.
"Hitch your horses and switch to 3DMG. Me and Dilan have to break away for a bit. Eld's in charge until we get back. Take Eren somewhere safe and see to our horses." Levi ordered, standing up, he looked at Dilan and she nodded before looking back at the squad.
He knew she would want to be there for this next part. To make the bitch regret what she did and Levi was going to give her that.
"Be careful." Dilan said seriously and they smiled, nodding.
Then they both fired into the air as the squad galloped away.
There was silence for a moment while they started moving back. He knew they needed to talk and apparently Dilan did too since as soon as they were out of the squad's eyeline she shot towards a branch. Levi took a breath before following her, knowing it was possible she would react badly. He landed a meter away from her as she looked out at the trees and Levi swallowed before speaking up.
"Dil-"
"How could you do that, Levi?" She whispered. He knew she had a right to be mad. He would take anything she had to say to him.
He didn't reply. There were no excuses.
"You said you agreed with Erwin in the hotel. You knew all those people were going to be slaughtered and you agreed with that?" Dilan asked, keeping her face forward. Levi hesitated.
"I did." He said truthfully. Dilan looked at him, her eyes full of sadness.
"And now?" She whispered. Levi averted his eyes.
"I have no regrets." Levi replied truthfully. They caught the creature. The men's sacrifices would weigh on him, but they did their duty. They would be celebrated once the day is over.
Dilan took a breath and Levi wondered if she would be able to forgive him for this. Would she break up with him for this? He clenched his jaw, trying not to spiral in the silence.
"Neither do I." She mumbled. Levi looked at her in shock. "I want to regret; I want to be mad at you… but I'm not. I don't, and it makes me fucking sick but… in the end you gave me the choice and… I don't regret listening to you. The mission was a success." Dilan said, not seeming at all happy about it.
Levi could stand it no longer and he didn't hesitate to pull her to him. He had wanted to hold her like this ever since she left his office. Dilan tensed in surprise and hesitated before hugging him back tightly, leaning her head into his shoulder she breathed out shakily.
"I'm sorry." Levi apologised quietly, still hating what she just went through back there. Dilan took a moment before pulling back to look in his eyes. She put a hand on his cheek and offered him a sad smile.
"It wasn't your fault. I know you struggled just as I did." She whispered comfortingly.
Levi let out a small breath, calming down, knowing she didn't resent him too badly. That they could get past this.
"I'm still sorry." He whispered as he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch for a brief moment of peace.
"I know, I'm sorry too but I don't blame you. It wasn't your plan." She mumbled, smoothing her thumb over his cheek and pressed a soft kiss to his lips before pulling back and squeezing his hand. "Come on. Shit to be done." She said reluctantly. Levi smiled a bit, wondering how she ended up relaxing him when he had intended on relaxing her. Still, he was pleased to see she looked a lot less stressed out.
He nodded in agreement, kissing her again quickly before pulling back. He squeezed her hand and let go, stepping off the tree. Dilan followed behind him.
DILAN'S P.O.V.
They got to the site of the titan that was still being pinned by tones of different wires and they followed the noise of Hanji's manic laughter, flying past her to join Erwin on a high branch, overlooking the scene.
"Levi. Dilan." He greeted. Dilan grit her teeth, utterly pissed off with the smug bastard. He loved to be right, didn't he?
"YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" She seethed, walking towards him.
"Dilan-" Levi tried but Dilan ignored him. She may have forgiven him for what went down, but this bastard was a completely different story. Levi didn't choose the plan; he just did the best he could in the situation. Erwin was the one that chose to sacrifice those lives without even batting an eye.
"Now, Major-" Erwin started but Dilan cut him off, grabbing a fistful of his collar and bringing the tall man down lower so he could look her straight in her burning orange eyes.
"Did you know their names?" She whispered, her voice shaking with fury. Stone cold eyes stared back at her, not an inch of regret.
"No." He answered honestly. Dilan looked at him in disappointment, shoving him backwards and he stumbled slightly but regained his balance.
"And to think, I almost thought you'd changed since back then. How many more, Erwin? How many more have to die?" She asked in disgust. Erwin looked at her evenly.
"As many as it takes." He replied. Dilan clenched her jaw, feeling as though she has having a conversation with a broken record. He would never change, and neither would she. They were polar opposites, night and day. They were never going to see eye to eye in a million years.
Exhausted with talking to him, Dilan spared him one last glance of disappointment before walking back over to Levi's side. His eyes were worried, and he was clearly asking if she was okay. Dilan sighed but nodded, turning back to the matter at hand as the Commander re-joined them. Her heart ached for those soldiers. For their friends and families who would never see them again, but she couldn't do anything to bring them back.
Only avenge them.
"She's not putting up much of a fight." Levi commented. Dilan was in agreement. You'd think the bitch would be pulling every which way trying to escape. She was cornered. Vulnerable. Dilan couldn't wait to make her pay.
"Good work leading her here. I'm impressed you both followed through." Erwin mentioned, giving Dilan a glance and she scowled at him.
Was he trying to rub it in or something?
"We only did thanks to the rear squads that were sacrificed. They deserve the credit and you better give it to them Erwin." Levi warned, clenching his fists. Dilan knew watching those deaths took a lot out of him. Even more considering he had to convince Dilan to do something he didn't want to follow through on, himself. It was also why Dilan didn't hold it against him. He was struggling as much as she was back there.
He just couldn't afford to show it.
"That so?" He asked.
"Yes." Levi replied firmly. Dilan frowned.
"I hope it was worth it Erwin. I hope that favour was fucking worth it because you don't have anything else over him now. You'll have to find someone else to emotionally blackmail." Dilan spat. Erwin smiled, looking at the titan.
"It was worth it. And yet I'm sure that won't be the last favour either of you grant me." He mentioned and Dilan growled.
"You son of a-" She hissed but Levi pulled her back before she could do anything damaging to the commander like give him a black eye.
"Don't let him get a rise out of you. That's exactly what the bastard wants." Levi whispered, pulling her to the side. Dilan clenched her jaw, glaring at the blonde but took a breath, knowing Levi was right. For now, they were both free of Erwin's manipulations. That's what mattered. Besides they had bigger fish to fry right now.
Speaking of which, Dilan unsheathed her blades, ready to kill.
"Not yet, Major. We need a little more insurance. READY! FIRE!" Erwin yelled and more wires were shot, so many wires Dilan was sure the bitch must be finding it hard to breath. Dilan noticed one thing that was pissing her off though.
She was protecting the nape.
"HAHAHA! I BET SHE CAN'T EVEN BACK AN EYELID! MUST BE TERRIBLY FRUSTRATING!" Hanji squawked in delight. Dilan cracked a small smirk, sharing an eyeroll with Levi as the crazy shit continued to laugh in the otherwise tense silence. They may have her trapped for now, but they were still weary.
"Go." Erwin ordered. Levi unsheathed his blades too and they shared a nod before diving off the branch in perfect synchrony. Dilan twisted her body around, ready to slash deep into her hands when they crystallised at the last second and Dilan's blades broke in two.
"The fuck?" Dilan mumbled, re-grappling and staring at her broken blades.
Damn.
"Ha! Nice try bitch." Dilan spat, jumping on her head and leaning over to look into her sharp blue eyes. "You don't think you're safe just because you're a fucking freak, right? Surely you aren't that naïve?" Dilan smirked as Levi landed beside her.
"Why don't you come on out and stop wasting our time. We know you're in there." Levi said in a menacing tone. Dilan smirked at him.
"Oh, but Captain, I want to carve her out. That'll just hurt so much more. I might even slip up a bit. You know, stab her through the stomach, gouge out an eyeball. You know, mistakes and stuff." She grinned. Levi smirked back.
"I don't know. She must be fine with that if she doesn't mind all her limbs being chopped off. Oh… you do know we're talking about your real body here… right?" Levi threatened in a dark tone and Dilan felt the bitch tensed. She sniggered into her hand. If anyone was good at making someone piss their pants it was Levi.
"They'll grow back of course." Dilan continued in a sly tone.
"Until we cut them off again. Slowly. You may be a creepy bitch with abilities, but we know from experience, you freaks can feel pain." Levi terrorised. Dilan gave a smug smile.
"Oh yes. I would love to see how much pain I can give you over and over and over. The good thing is you can't die easily. I can try out any torturing methods I want. For as long as I want." She drawled.
"You'll wish you could die by the time we're finished with you." Levi warned and the creature tensed up again before suddenly it threw its head back. Dilan slipped and almost fell off, but Levi grabbed her before she could.
She held her hands over her ears, closing her eyes as a guttural screech filled the air. A terrified, painful scream.
Dilan shuddered inwardly, breathing out as it finally stopped, and the creature fell limp again. Levi helped her up from where she almost fell and gave her a look, asking her if she was okay. Dilan nodded once, but the truth is she felt a bit on edge. What the hell did she plan to accomplish by screaming like that?
"Nicely done. I almost lost my composure." Levi said. Dilan swallowed.
"Levi, something aint right." Dilan whispered and Levi looked at her.
"What's wrong?" He asked. Dilan looked around nervously, feeling all the hairs on her skin stick up.
"Don't you feel it? Fucking listen." She said, wide eyed. Levi took a moment, glancing around and back at the creature. He tensed up slightly.
"Shit. Come on." Levi said, grappling back up to the commander, Dilan followed, and they got there just in time for Mike to report.
"They're coming." Mike warned.
"From what direction?" Erwin asked.
"From every direction. Dozens." He gritted. Dilan's eyes widened as he saw the commander lose his composure for a fraction of a second.
They didn't have to wait long before they heard it. Footsteps. Heavy fast footsteps. Dilan's breathing faltered as she saw three coming from the east. Three abnormals. They were running straight at them. Did she call them here? How the fuck did she do that?
"WAGON DEFENSE SQUAD! INTERCEPT NOW!" Erwin ordered and a squad dispatched. Dilan's eyes widened as the titans ran right past them, not even batting an eyelid.
"What?" Dilan asked in shock. She had never seen such behaviour before in her 8 years at the corps.
"CAPTAIN LEVI! MAJOR!" The squad yelled as the titan's broke through, not having the time to double round and catch them. Dilan flew off the branch the same time as Levi did, she took the large one on the left and he handled the smaller two on the right. They were dealt with in a few seconds, but she knew this wasn't over. Dilan gasped as she free fell, watching as a 2 meter ran straight past them and bit into the titan's flesh. Suddenly it all came together, remembering back at Trost, the titans treated Eren like a human and tried to eat him. This bitch must have the same knowledge because she just offered herself up on a platter as a way of escape.
"Levi! She wanted them here to eat her! Not us!" She yelled and Levi looked at her in shock, glancing back down at the 2 meter.
"Shit, you're right." He hissed.
"ENEMY BEARING DOWN ON ALL SIDE, SIR!" Someone yelled as titans started to close them in, sprinting at the female titan with drool dribbling down the sides of their mouth.
"ALL HANDS COMMENCE COMBAT! DEFEND THE FEMALE TITAN!" Erwin ordered and Dilan's eyes widened.
"Wait! That's what she wants!" Dilan tried but it was too late. The order was already given, soldiers sped into the scene, attacking the titans and protecting the female. Dilan cursed and joined in, giving it was too late to convey her opinion. The traitor wanted them to engage. With everyone swarming together no one was going to notice if she slipped out during the chaos. If she was dressed like them and was wearing 3DMG it would be easy.
But of course, she would need to be ripped apart first since she still couldn't move.
They would have to hope they would be able to defend her, or this would all be for nothing.
Dilan clenched her jaw as she dived into the swarm, slicing through nape after nape. Levi fought by her side and they had each other's backs. Dilan tried hard to block out the screaming of the fallen, knowing she couldn't help them right now. They had one objective.
Protect this bitch.
"Shit, Levi, there's too many!" Dilan hissed, slicing her titan in the eye and throwing both her blades at Levi's, he dove round the other side and finished both of them off in one swoop while they were distracted.
"Keep fighting till Erwin gives the order." Levi replied, slicing a hand that grabbed for her. Dilan finished it off while he held its attention. They were doing well but there were too many and it was too fucking cramped. The small ones were getting through and Dilan could hear the sound of flesh being torn away from bone. A few more seconds later the order was given.
"ALL HANDS WITHDRAW!" Erwin yelled. Dilan sprang back, hanging onto a tree, gripping her hair in distress as she watched the titans finish her off. "REDEPOLY THE FORMATION. RETREAT!" Erwin ordered.
"God damnit!" Dilan growled, punching a tree trunk and the wood splintered. All those lives wasted on catching the thing. Pointless. They died for nothing. Their sacrifice meant nothing.
"Dilan-" Levi said as he grappled onto her tree, but Dilan had already sprung off, aiming for the commander. When she got there, she shoved him, hard.
"You fucking idiot!" Dilan yelled at him. Erwin looked to her in shock, balancing himself before he fell.
"What exactly do you think you're doing, Major?!" Erwin growled, clearly pissed off at the failure too. Being right means nothing if you don't do anything about it.
"You played right into her fucking hands. She wanted us to engage. She wanted us to create a fucking cover for her to slip away!" Dilan hissed. The commander's eyes widened in a painful realisation.
"You mean she's still alive?" Hanji asked, the woman having followed her. Dilan was sure Levi was behind her too.
"Of course, she's alive. She one of us, right? All she needed was a cloak and 3DMG. She could be fucking anywhere by now." Dilan gritted, gripping her hair and pacing back and forth.
Where would she go? Where would she-
"You may be right but there's no time to dwell on that right now." Erwin interrupted her thoughts. Dilan glared at him.
"Dilan. We need to get back to the squad." Levi reminded and she hesitated before breaking eye contact with the bastard and started to turn.
"Wait. Refill your gas and blades." Erwin ordered. Dilan gave him a look.
"We can make do on what we have. Why?" Levi replied briefly.
"Because I said so. That's an order." Erwin replied, looking directly at Levi. Dilan rolled her eyes, about to ask why she would ever trust him after that shit show of a mission, but Levi got there first.
"Fine." He replied, jumping off. Dilan frowned in confusion but followed him. They made their way over to the gas and blades supply carts while everyone else organised the retreat. Dilan was still majorly pissed off.
"You really think she planned that? She planned for us to engage." Levi asked, his eyebrows furrowed in thought while he restocked their blades. Dilan worked on their gas cannisters. They didn't have to talk to coordinate. So many years fighting together and they were naturally synchronised. It was just efficient this way. They had done it for a long time since before their relationship.
"I do. It makes sense. If Erwin had left the order and we watched her get eaten, there was a high change we would have been able to see her escape out of the nape and track her from there. We have no fucking clue where she is now. Wait…" Dilan paused, in her movements.
"What?" Levi asked. Dilan looked to him in dread and he got there soon enough. Before he could open his mouth there was a loud crash and lightning struck down to the earth in the far distance.
"Shit!" Dilan hissed, hurrying to finish and they were done in record time, propelling themselves through the air at unimaginable speed. Dilan's heart pounded, pushing further and further. She was dodging death every few seconds, but she didn't give a shit.
Stay alive, stay alive, stay alive!
Another crash and another strike followed.
Eren.
"Fuck." Dilan cursed, trying to move faster. Sometimes she wished she could fly. She really did.
"Calm down. If you get yourself worked up, you'll be help to no one. It'll be fine." Levi comforted and Dilan took a breath, nodding in agreement. The squad were well trained. The best in the regiment. They'd poured blood, sweat and tears into that squad to make sure they were the best. That they were capable. Even Oluo, the idiot, had become somewhat of a legend around campus. They would be fine.
And yet that breath Dilan took was almost immediately knocked out of her as they flew around the corner and saw Gunther hanging upside-down, blood dribbling down and dripping off his chin. Dilan's eyes widened and she switched gears flying down to him immediately.
"Gunther!" She yelled. Don't be dead, don't be dead, don't be dead! She begged.
"Dilan don't-!" Levi tried but Dilan had already got to him. His throat and stomach were slashed open. Instinctively, she tried to slow the bleeding, but it was no use at all.
Her friend was very much dead.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no…" She choked, too shocked to cry, to shocked to scream. She just stayed there, holding her hands over his gushing wounds, watching his blood drip down her arms.
"Gunther keep up, your lagging behind!" Dilan called, looking behind her. Levi had told them to gear up, race to the end of the forest and back again. Dilan was obviously in the lead, but she wanted to make sure no one got too left behind so she wasn't using the speed she normally did.
"I'm trying!" Gunther yelled back, seemingly frustrated as he kept knocking into tree branches. His speed was good, but his awareness was shit.. Dilan felt bad for the kid. he was trying his best, but he was being left behind in all the different categories. Dilan pursed her lips before coming to a decision and latching onto a tree to wait for him. the others looked at her in confusion as they raced ahead but she told them to keep going. She waited until Gunther was in rage before jumping off and keeping pace with him. "You shouldn't have done that, Dil. Now we're both going to lose." Gunther grumbled. Dilan rolled her eyes.
"This exercise isn't about winning or losing. I'm here so I can help you. Let me?" She asked. Gunther looked at her for a second before cracking a smile and nodding.
Dilan smiled back.
"Great."
...
"Gunther. It's me. I'm alone. Could we talk?" Dilan asked.
Silence. She sighed.
"Come on, bud. You shouldn't push the squad away. Hiding doesn't make it hurt any less. I know that better than anyone." She tried again.
Silence.
Dilan sighed again and leant her head on the door.
"I miss her too." She whispered.
Sil-
Dilan lifted her head as she heard heavy footsteps and the door was ripped open. Dilan looked up into Gunther's tortured orbs. It was clear he had been crying.
"Miss her?! Why would you miss her?! She betrayed us all!" Gunther spat angrily. Dilan guessed he was having some pretty conflicting feelings right now.
"It's okay for me to miss her. She was my friend." Dilan said calmly, hoping the boy would get the message behind her words. Gunther scoffed.
"She wasn't. She was a fucking liar. She lied about everything! S-she was just lying… nothing was real…" Gunther's yell went to a whisper and a tear dripped down his face. Dilan felt her heart lurched at his pain.
"Come here." Dilan said gently, taking the depressed boy's hand and leading them back inside his room, shutting the door behind them. She knew he wouldn't want the others to see him like this. Dilan sat him down on the unmade bed and opened the curtains, letting some light in the room. She went back around and sat down next to him, taking his hand and squeezing it for support. Gunther sniffed, more tears dripping down his face as he hung his head.
"I-I want to hate her." Gunther choked out in a thick voice. Dilan smiled sadly, putting an arm around him and rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.
"But you don't." She said softly. Gunther let out a shaky sigh and screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head. "That's okay. It's okay to miss the ones we love." Dilan reassured.
...
"Thanks for always being there, Dil. I know we joke about it but you, kind of, are like a big sister and I really appreciate you always looking out for me." He said genuinely. Dilan smiled, her eyes glossing over a bit. She felt the same way. Gunther was the closest thing to a little brother that she had.
"I've always got your back, bud. I need you too." She said kindly. Gunther smiled. "I mean without you; I'd have to start making my own breakfast." She teased with a smirk and Gunther frowned at her for a second before cracking his angered facade and smiling, shaking his head in disbelief.
"I'm sure you'd find a way to steal someone else's." Gunther teased back and Dilan laughed.
"You know me well. Come on, kid. Let's go."
He was dead. Her brother was dead.
"I…" She swallowed, too stunned to think. Levi grabbed her and pulled her away.
"Keep moving. We have to find the others." Levi said and it wasn't long before he got his wish. Dilan could see them all nicely laid out for her.
She saw Petra in the distance and was sure her heart stopped for a good few seconds at the pained expression on her face. She was squashed into the bottom of a tree like a fly. Like her life was that worthless, that expendable. Like she wasn't important at all…
"There you go." Dilan pat her on the head, huffing out an oomph as Petra ambushed her in a tight hug, crushing the life out of her. The girl had a lot more strength than Dilan originally thought.
"Thank you! Thank you so much! You save my life!" She cried a bit.
"It's okay…Lungs. Need. Air." She choked out a reminder and the girl gasped pulling back.
"Oh, I'm sorry." She apologised quickly. Dilan smiled reassuringly.
"It's cool." Dilan refocused, standing up and walking to the edge of the branch, looking out at the chaos. In her sights there were around 30 cadets still fighting for their lives.
"A-are you that girl? The o-one from the underground?" Petra asked timidly. Dilan turned around to look at her.
"Yes. We don't have the time for you to be scared of me, ya know?" She raised an eyebrow. Petra's eyes widened at the accusation.
"Oh no! I wouldn't- I'm not like that. No one can help where they were born and-and you just saved my life so…" She trailed off, scuffing her feet. Dilan nodded in approval and looked back out.
...
"You are not reading a book right now." She deadpanned. Dilan smiled.
"Accept I am?" She retorted cheekily. Petra huffed.
"Dil! You can't bail now! I need you in there!" She protested. Dilan would like nothing more than to incline to the request but firstly she couldn't swim and secondly her arms and legs had cuts all over them. Sure, they had scarred which was good in the healing process, but they were still very noticeable. The others would look, and she didn't want them to look at her like she was broken.
"I can't swim." She admitted, choosing to use option number one as her excuse. Petra smiled.
"Don't worry about that. The lakes not that deep. Even I can stand up and my heads still above the water, see?" Petra pointed to the boys, wading through the water and roughhousing, splashing everywhere. They both sniggered as Oluo was kicked in the face by Gunther and flopped backwards like a fish. Dilan wished she could join in.
"I'm sorry Petra." She mumbled, looking back at her book. Petra sighed and sat down next to her.
"Dilan is this about the scars on your arms." Petra asked quietly and Dilan's eyes widened in shock. When did she? Petra smiled sadly, taking her hand for support. "Dilan I've known you for over a year and you've slept in my room a lot. I've noticed and Stacy did too. But I want to know I have never and will never judge you for them. It's obvious you didn't have the best life so it's not right for me to decide whether you did or didn't need to do that to yourself. I'm just happy that your happier now and you've stopped doing it. Right?" Petra asked hopefully with glossy eyes. Dilan cracked a grateful smile back, her eyes similarly glossy.
"Yes, I have. Thank you for understanding." She said genuinely, squeezing her hand in gratitude. Petra smiled and nodded, pulling Dilan into a hug.
"Of course. I'm always here for you and the squad is too." She assured. Dilan felt a warmth in her chest, believing the girl was telling the truth.
...
"Are you happy?" She whispered after a moment of silence. Dilan bit her lip, trying not to cry at the sadness in her friend's tone.
"Yes." She replied truthfully but felt guilty for doing so.
Petra took a deep breath and hesitated before pulling back to look at her, smiling.
"Then I think I'll be okay." She said genuinely, squeezing Dilan's hands. Dilan blinked at her, causing another tear to drip down her face. She didn't want her to try and get over this before she was ready.
"Petra-"
"No, I'm serious. I may love the Captain, but I love you too and I like to think our bond is a lot stronger. He's a dream that I've created but my friendship with you is a reality. You're like a sister and I love you. If he makes you happy, if he's your dream then I think I can find peace and move on with someone else eventually." Petra explained kindly. Dilan sniffed, her eyes glossing over again at the sweetness of this girl.
"He is." Dilan admitted in a voice thick with emotion. He was her dream, there was no denying that. Petra smiled.
"Then I'm happy for you." She said genuinely. Dilan smiled and hugged her again.
"I love you, Petra. You'll find your dream again; I know you will." She reassured and Petra chuckled.
"I know." She sighed in content, pulling back.
She was always there for her... and yet in her moment of need Dilan didn't have her back.
Oluo… Oluo was further away. Dilan could barely make out his deformed corpse, face down in the dirt but the journey was clear and likely agonising if the smears of blood across several trees were any indication.
"Now listen up. This is literal fucking chaos. We need some order and we need it now." Dilan said seriously, earning Petra and Eld's attentions but Oluo didn't look so sure.
"ORDER!? HOW CAN ANYTHING BE ORDERED IN THIS HELL!?" He yelled, clearly losing it. Dilan walked right up to him and slapped him hard in the face. Petra gasped while Eld hid a smirk with his hand.
"Listen up, dumbass. I didn't risk coming down here to work with a bunch of whiny toddlers. I need soldiers. Which are you?" She said in a low tone. Oluo sniffed.
"I-I'm a soldier!" He declared. Dilan nodded in approval.
...
"But I still have 20 more laps to go." He said and Dilan gave him a deadpan look.
"Dude. You've been out here all day, I expected you to at least be on you 90th." She clicked her tongue and Oluo blushed, scratching the back of his head.
"Yeah… I was never so good at cross country." He admitted. Dilan chuckled.
"That'll change soon enough." She said and Oluo sighed.
"The Captain totally hates me. I made a complete ass out of myself on the first day!" He vented and Dilan smiled in reassurance.
"Everyone makes an ass out of themselves here. Captains strict but he only does it, so you follow his orders without question. Doing that on the battlefield is the only way to survive. You have to follow him directly, understand that?" Dilan explained seriously. Oluo nodded and she smiled in approval. "Good. Go on then, get some rest. Eld will show you to your room." Dilan repeated and Oluo blinked.
"But I still have laps." He repeated back. Dilan rolled her eyes as she walked over to a lane in the track.
"I'm finishing your punishment for you, okay? 20 laps are nothing to me and your half passed out. Go on, the Captain won't find out." She said and Oluo balked at her. "Now, before I change my mind." Dilan warned and Oluo flinched, probably remembering who he was dealing with here.
"Yes, ma'am. Thank you!"
...
"You'll be fine, greenhorn. Because if you mess up again, there will be dire consequences." He threatened, leaning closer to try and be more intimidating and Dilan balked at him as Eren shrunk back in fear.
"OLUO!" She yelled, slapping him with her wallet. Oluo flinched in surprise.
"What?!" He yelled back.
"You were supposed to say something nice! Not threaten him, you freak!" Dilan yelled. Oluo scoffed, incredulous.
"How the hell was I supposed to know that?!" He shouted in exasperation, throwing his hands up.
"You SERIOUSLY think I wanted you to threaten him?! You!? If I wanted him intimidated, I would have done it myself, you, bozo! You are the least intimidating bastard on this planet! Your face SCREAMS, 'I only have one braincell please speak slowly to me'!" Dilan mocked, standing up. Oluo gasped and stood up too, highly offending.
"How DARE you! I have the highest titan kill count in this legion!" He defended himself. Dilan pulled at her hair in frustration.
"No, you fucking don't! If anything, you have the fourth highest kill count in this legion!" She spat back. Oluo's eyes widened in fury.
"Behind WHO!?" He demanded.
"OH, I DON'T KNOW. ME, THE CAPTAIN AND MIKE!" She screamed at him.
"MIKE!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I'M WAY BETTER THAN THAT RELIC!" He screamed back.
"NO, YOU'RE NOT! AND IT'S BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING RELIC THAT HE HAS MORE KILLS THAN YOU OLUO, YOU DUMBASS! HE'S HAD MORE TIME TO KILL TITANS!" She shot back.
There was silence for a minute as they stared at each other with wide furious eyes, chests heaving as they breathed forcefully with frustration. Dilan's throat hurt from shouting so hard and she imagined Oluo's felt similarly uncomfortable.
This is why you don't leave Dilan with Oluo. What the hell was Levi thinking?
"U-um… fine, I'll go. Please stop shouting." Eren whispered, practically shaking at this point. Dilan didn't blame him. He had never seen one of her and Oluo's piss contests before. They were… intense.
But pretty much over with the moment the last person says their piece.
Dilan and Oluo dropped their scowls and Oluo smirked.
"See? All a part of my plan to get him to come along. You are so welcome." Oluo boasted, his voice kind of scratched up from all the screaming. Dilan looked at him for a second before bursting out laughing. Oluo erupted into a chorus of laughter with her and they had to lean on each other for support.
Yes. They had a weird friendship.
"Somehow… this is more troubling to watch." Eren mumbled to himself as his superiors laughed so hard, they fell on the floor, flopping around like fish.
...
"How are you giving out good advice right now?" She chuckled. Oluo laughed.
"I don't want to be that guy all the time. Even I find him exhausting." He joked and Dilan laughed.
"So, you aren't going to ask me what I was talking about?" She questioned. Oluo shrugged.
"None of my business." He said simply. Dilan smiled, nodding.
A moment of silence.
"Besides it's clearly me! I'm sorry Dilan but I'm not ready for a relationship right now." He went right back into character and Dilan glared at him.
"Come on, man! We were having a nice moment!" She hissed at him and Oluo laughed.
"I'm messing, I'm messing." He chuckled. Dilan rolled her eyes, taking another sip.
"So how about you? Anyone in your life?" She smirked. Oluo gave her a look.
"If there was, I'd never tell." He grinned and Dilan chuckled.
That stupid, idiotic dumbass was gone. He was dead and he was never coming back.
Not again… this couldn't… be happening… again…
Dilan looked down and the last of the breath was knocked out of her lungs as she basically fell to the floor, but managed to land next to Eld, or what was Eld, dropping to her knees, the material of her trousers soaking up his blood. He was in pieces…
"Start with the big ones. Don't pull anything risky or I'll beat your ass. Attack the weak spots, hang back and regroup. Got it, Gin?" She questioned, narrowing her orange eyes. Eld chuckled.
"Course, boss. You know I'm older than you right?" He raised an eyebrow. Dilan rolled her eyes.
"Age comes with experience, pal. Your less green than those chumps but you aint my level. Not yet anyway." She smirked. Eld smirked back.
"Guess I have a lot to learn then." He mused. Dilan hummed in agreement.
…
"What're ya doing, green?" She asked suddenly making Eld jump. Dilan laughed and sat down a bit away from him. Eld sat up and gave her his famous kind smile.
"A wise person once told me that people never look up these days and that the sky is under appreciated. So, I decided to look up." He shrugged, putting his arms behind his head and laying down again. Dilan chuckled.
"Sounds like a very wise person indeed. How's the view?" She asked, taking a sip of her beer. Eld smiled.
"Amazing. Although I am pretty drunk." He admitted with an 'oops' look. Dilan laughed, leaning her chin on her knees.
"Oh yeah? You don't sound drunk." She pointed out. Eld hummed.
"Yeah well I never sound drunk. I never walk drunk or do 'drunk' things. I normally just say stupid things since I have no filter right now." Eld shrugged. Dilan smirked.
"So, I could ask you questions, and you'd answer honestly?" She probed and Eld rolled his eyes.
"It doesn't really work like that. I kind of just say whatever comes to mind." He explained.
"And what's on your mind right now?" Dilan asked. Eld turned his head to look into her amber eyes.
"Mostly how your kind of beautiful." Eld said honestly. Dilan blushed, not expecting that. Eld chuckled and looked away, sporting a blush of his own. "See, I'll regret that tomorrow." He sighed. Dilan smiled, laying down too.
"I wouldn't regret it if I were you." She shrugged, catching a wide smile from Eld out of the corner of her eye.
…
"It was hard in the underground then?" Eld dared to ask. Dilan didn't mind telling him for some reason. She had the feeling he wouldn't judge her.
"Yeah. I lived in a cave, I'm a literal cave woman" She chuckled and Eld smiled. "But it was home. My home since I was three." Dilan explained.
"Who looked after you?" Eld asked curiously. Dilan bit her lip, thinking about lying. But the boy was so genuine she couldn't bring herself too. She wasn't ready to give him the whole story, but she supposed one piece of information was fine.
"My brother. He died when I was 15. I don't think I'm ready to talk about it though." She admitted, eyes wondering to her drink. She looked back at Eld after she felt a warm hand squeeze her own. He offered a comforting smile.
"I've lost a brother; I know how hard it is. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone." He said seriously. Dilan blinked at him. He had?
"What happened?" She asked, seeing a flash of pain go through Eld's eyes. "You don't have to tell me." She reassured, squeezing his hand for support. Eld sighed and shook his head.
"It wasn't tragic. He had been ill for a long time before he finally succumbed to his fever. He was surrounded by family in the end." Eld explained. Dilan gave him a comforting look, knowing it was still horrible, even if it was expected.
"What was his name?" She asked. Eld smiled a bit.
"Billy. He was 5 years old and honestly the biggest bundle of life I've ever witnessed." Eld chuckled fondly. Dilan smiled, feeling a warmth in her chest.
"Farlan." The word falling from her mouth easier than she ever expected. Eld looked at her. "My brother's name was Farlan." She explained. Eld smiled in understanding. He glanced at the other members of the squad, dancing on the floor and doing it poorly.
"Come on, let's dance!" He grinned, grabbing Dilan's hands and pulling her to her feet. Her eyes widened.
"E-Eld I don't know how!" She protested but allowed him to drag her out into the crowd. Eld smiled at her so lovingly she couldn't believe someone would hold such affections to her.
"I'll teach you."
...
"The way I see it, we were never even together." He mumbled. Dilan's eyes widened.
"Why would you say that? Do you think it meant nothing to me?!" She asked angrily.
"I don't know what it meant Dil! But if you thought it was going to last you would have told me what happened to you! I mean, walls, Dil! What the fuck did you think I was going to do? Did you think I'm that shallow that I would judge you? Think your worth less?" Eld ranted, walking closer to her.
"No, Eld it wasn't like that-"
"You never trusted me; you never gave me a chance. I was just some way to pass the time until Levi up and decided he wanted you." He spat and Dilan looked at him in shock.
"It wasn't like that and you know it! You fucking know I'm not like that Eld. Why are you acting like this?!" She yelled.
"Because I love you!" He yelled back.
Silence.
"I love you and every time I fucking look at you all I can think about is how you will never love me back." He admitted and Dilan's eyes glossed over. She didn't know what to say.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. Eld scoffed.
"Sorry for what? Not loving me?" He asked bitterly. Dilan licked her lips, keeping her eyes down.
"No. I'm sorry… for starting a relationship with you… while I was in love with someone else." She admitted, a tear slipping down her face. "It wasn't fair to you. It wasn't right a-and I'm sorry." She added, quickly wiping away her tear. She wasn't intending on playing the sympathy card. Eld had a right to be mad and if he wanted to yell at her then she would take it.
There was hesitation before Eld realised a heavy sigh, sitting down at one of the crates in the alleyway, running a hand through his hair.
"I'm… sorry too." He replied. Dilan looked up at him in shock. "I knew. It was obvious all along that you would never be able to commit. A nagging in the back of my head but I ignored it. I asked you out anyway, I kept asking you. I guess I hoped that one day you would change your mind. I guess I thought that one day… I could be the guy that makes you smile like that. The way you smile at Levi." He muttered, rubbing his face.
Dilan sighed and walked over to him, sitting down beside him.
"You make me smile, Eld. No… it's not in the same way, but… I do love you. You're my squad, my family. We've been through so much and I don't- I can't lose you." She whispered shakily, a tear dripping down her face. Eld sighed, taking her hand.
"I can't lose you either." He admitted and Dilan cracked a smile.
…
"Eld I-I'm your friend, right?" She asked tiredly, rubbing her eyes. Eld smiled.
"Yeah, Dilan. You're my friend."
"You'll be there?" She asked hopefully. Eld nodded.
"I'll be there." He assured as they got onto the right floor. Dilan smiled drunkenly.
"Good." She said happily.
Tears welled in her eyes as she glanced at Petra and what was left of Oluo and Gunther before back down at Eld. Maybe this was all a bad dream? Or a joke? Were they messing with her? Maybe this payback for burning their food all those times.
"Eld." She whispered, hesistantly putting a hand on his blood soaked shoulder. Her lip quivered and she gave him a small shake. "Eld, w-wake up." She asked, starting to panic. "You promised. You said you'd be there." The blood soaked through his jacket, staining her fingers. "You promised... to take m-me to the circus." She sniffed, her heart completely breaking.
Eld didn't move. He didn't wake up and he was never going to again.
The fact hit her like a sucker punch to the gut and she felt the air leave her lungs.
They were all dead. Her family. Someone took her family again. Someone took her heart. Her battered, weak, stitched together heart. Someone took it again and stomped on it right in front of her.
How… how could this happen again?
It… was almost funny. Actually… it was fucking hilarious. So, fucking funny she started laughing.
LEVI'S P.O.V.
Levi dropped down next to Dilan, his heart breaking at the expression on her face. She was in complete anguish.
Dilan put a hand over mouth and started making a muffled sort of noise and Levi thought she was crying for a moment before she dropped her hand back to her side and Levi saw that she was laughing. Loud hysterical laughs that bounced off the trees of the empty forest. She had completely snapped. Levi had to bite his lip to keep his composure, his eyes growing glossy at the scene.
"Dilan, stop…" He tried but she kept laughing, her face twisted in so much pain he couldn't take it. She doubled over, pounding her fist on the ground, laughing so much she was losing air.
"I-it's a fucking joke, Levi! My life, it's a fucking hilarious joke. And this?" She laughed, looking around her, orange eyes dripping with pure suffering. Levi felt a tear fall down his face as she looked at him. "The punchline. The m-motherfucking punchline." She choked out, resting back on her heels she looked at her hands that were covered in her friends blood, dripping down her arm.
"Dilan…" He bit the inside of his lip, having no clue what to say. What could he say?
Dilan looked at him, a smile of pure defeat on her face.
"I get it now, Levi. E-everyone I touch dies…" She sniffed, tears rolling down her face but the smile stayed. "Why d-did I think I ever deserved more?" She choked out a sob, wiping her face. "I don't deserve friends... I don't… I don't deserve you…" She half laughed, half sobbed.
It wasn't true. She deserved everything. He was so desperate to tell her that, but the words wouldn't come out. He felt completely useless.
Dilan looked at Eld again, her chuckling faded, and her face slowly dampened.
"They deserved better. I-I wasn't good enough for them. I failed them. This is just… it's a joke…" She whispered before falling silent, staring at the red with an unreadable expression.
Levi took a shaky breath to compose himself, deciding he could crack later. He had to catch up with Eren, given he wasn't with the dead bodies, Levi still had a chance to save him. And yet, he couldn't leave Dilan on the floor in this state.
He crouched down next to her, squeezing her shoulder. She didn't move.
"Dil, look at me." He whispered. She remained still, staring at Eld's bloody corpse. Levi swallowed again. "Dilan you need to re-join the formation. Find Hanji. I promise you I will be back, but I need to help Eren." Levi said carefully, noticing Dilan's ears prick at the last word.
"Eren." She whispered. Levi was about to reply when the girl shot off like a bullet, hot in pursuit, following the trail of destruction that the titans had left while fighting.
Levi's eyes widened in dread and he was quick to follow her, but the girl was breaking records. She had never gone that fast before.
Neither of them had.
Levi was worried about her mental state right now. She was one crack away from shattering. And Levi had a strong inkling that crack was Eren.
He pushed himself faster, trying to stay with her. Eventually Levi started hearing noises in the background. The sound of fighting and Dilan only pushed further. She redefined the phrase of pushing yourself to the limit. Levi was sure the manoeuvring she was pulling were straining her body so much it hurt but he was also sure she didn't care. In fact, from experience Levi knew that right now Dilan was probably welcoming the pain. It only made him panic more.
She was not in a good place right now.
They broke through a wall of leaves and Levi observed the scene with wide eyes as the female titan shoved Eren's neck downwards and took a giant bite of the nape. Levi spat a curse, glancing over at Dilan. She faltered slightly before staying on her, more determined than ever before.
"EREN!" A familiar voice screamed, and Levi glanced over as Mikasa came out of nowhere, as fired up as Dilan. She growled and dove at the titan, consequently, about to get herself killed. Dilan soared into the scene, slicing the female titan's other hand away as it was about to make a grab for Mikasa's wires while Levi grabbed the girl, pulling her away. "LET GO! HE'S ALIVE!" Mikasa shoved Levi away from her and Dilan re-joined their side, eyes on the titan as she continued to run forward.
Levi glanced at Dilan's blank face and tried hard to calm down. He had to get her alone before she completely slipped away like she did the last time their squad died. He had to keep her Dilan, keep her sane. And yet, they didn't have the time right now. He would just have to pray the woman he loved wasn't completely gone by the time they got out of this mess.
"Maintain current distance!" Levi ordered as Mikasa looked like she was about to lunge again. "The titan bit the entire nape off, it's unlikely that Eren is still alive." Levi pointed out. Dilan remained impassive while Mikasa snapped her head around to glare at him.
"He's alive! This titan is different, it acts with purpose. If it wanted to kill Eren, it could have crushed him!" Mikasa pointed out.
"She's right, Levi. Eren's alive." Dilan pointed out, monotoned. Levi swallowed, not liking her tone. He was losing her. They needed to finish this quickly. Still, he trusted Dilan's judgment, even in this state.
"Fine. Let's narrow our goals. Our objective is to get Eren back. Forget about taking her down." Levi said and Mikasa scowled.
"No way! She's killed too many." She protested.
"Listen to him or we'll do this without you." Dilan warned, giving her a look. Mikasa faltered slightly at the look in her eyes. Levi decided to move on before the kid could continue to complain.
"Me and Dilan will handle the cutting. Find a way to distract her." Levi ordered. Mikasa hesitated before nodding in agreement. And with that Dilan was off.
She didn't hesitate to bear down on the thing, striking with sharp precision and accuracy, slicing both of the ankles in one swoop, making the bitch stagger. She tripped and leant on a tree to keep from stacking it, turning around to punch in Levi's direction as he attacked. He dodged her left hook to cut up her arm and plunge his swords deep into her eyes, hatred spewing out of his attacks.
Those men were his responsibility.
He should have protected them.
Their deaths were going to eat at him and Dilan for the rest of their lives and it was all this bitch's fault.
Levi growled, slicing again in the same time as Dilan. They covered every part of her torso, slicing and carving her up. It wasn't long before they got her on the floor, one hand to her nape and Levi didn't hesitate to slice open the arm, dropping it to the floor. They only had one attack left. The jaw.
Levi looked at Dilan. Her face was still void of any emotion, but she was present in battle. She nodded once and they prepared to engage. But before they could Levi noticed that idiot try for the nape.
"Don't do it!" Levi yelled but Mikasa had already struck down and a hand had already been raised as the female titan caught her off guard. Levi grabbed her before she could get swatted, grimacing at the pain that shot up his leg as he landed wrong on the bitch's hand, hearing a sickening snap. Dilan cut open the jaw and Levi let go of Mikasa to grab Eren who was wrapped in some kind of cocoon of spit.
"Eren!" Mikasa yelled in relief.
"He's fine. Disgusting but fine." Levi assured, noting a spark of relief in Dilan's eyes. Not enough to ease his concerns. She was fading.
He looked at his leg and clenched his jaw, spitting an insult to Mikasa about her feelings for Eren making her crazy as a way to express the insane amount of pain in his leg before shooting off. He knew he couldn't blame the girl really. While it was meant as an insult it was also the truth. Love makes people crazy. Perhaps if it was Dilan trapped in there he would have attempted to take her down too.
It wasn't long before they broke through the treeline, dropping to the ground. Levi saw the formation in the distance. He dropped Eren on the ground and Mikasa rushed to him while he shot a flare, watching after a moment as a squad turned around and started coming back towards them with a cart. Levi whistled for his horse, hoping it would show up before then. He had no interest of sitting in something that would make him so vulnerable. Even if his leg was killing him.
"Major?" Mikasa asked and Levi looked around in time as Dilan sunk to her knees, sitting back on her heel and staring right in front of her with wide shocked eyes, the horror of what happened starting to set back in.
"Shit." Levi cursed and crouched down in front of her. "Dilan hang on, don't go there yet." He whispered but Levi could see her draining. Thankfully it wasn't of emotion just yet, but perhaps that would have been better right now. Titan country was not the place you wanted to have a fucking depressive episode. There were a number of things that could kill her right now and in Levi's current state, he wouldn't be able to stop her if she tried to kill herself.
"W-what's happening?" Mikasa asked.
"Shut up." Levi ordered and she flinched, doing just that. Levi refocused. "Brat, look at me." He asked, gently stroking some hair behind her ear, he made their eyes meet, not giving a flying fuck if someone was watching. A part of her was still there, he just needed to keep that part alive until they got back home. Then she could snap. She could break back home when Levi would be able to dedicate his full time and attention into putting her back together.
"L-Levi… they… they…" Dilan's lip quivered, looking at him in shock. Levi's heart lurched but he remained strong. He had to stay strong for her.
"I know, brat. You just have to fight for me for a bit longer. Don't go there. I need you here." Levi said seriously. The first tear rolled down her face, but she managed a slow nod of understanding. Levi looked up as his horse came galloping out of the forest, neighing and stomping it's hoof twice but he stayed put without Levi grabbing him. Levi saw the squad were close enough now. "Hang on to me, okay?" Levi asked and Dilan managed to wrap her arms around his neck.
Levi picked her up and wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, grabbing his reins and hoisting himself and Dilan over the horse in one smooth motion. His leg throbbed painfully but he paid no attention. He could barely feel it, too busy worried about Dilan. She hid her face in the crook of his neck and started to shake, gripping onto him tightly. Levi swallowed down his own emotion, taking a moment to comfort her, rubbing her back to calm her down and pressing a comforting kiss to her neck. At this point, he didn't give a shit who found out about them.
"I got you, okay brat?" He whispered. Dilan managed another weak nod, but the trembling didn't stop. Levi supposed that was the best he was going to get right now. He was about to ride away when Mikasa spoke.
"Captain?"
"What?" He asked, blankly.
Hesitation.
"Thank you." She replied genuinely. Levi glanced at her, nodding briefly before riding off.
"They died…" Dilan whispered in shock out of nowhere. Levi had to blink back the tears at the pain in her voice. "They… died." She repeated, as if not able to get her head wrapped around it. "…they…they died…" She choked out.
"I know, baby. I'm so sorry, just hang on okay? I'll get you back home, I promise." Levi practically begged, needing her to stay with him. Dilan sniffed but didn't reply properly, mumbling something incoherent into his neck. Levi kissed the side of her head and held her close, not being able to do much more right now. All he could do was try to keep that last bit of light alive until they got back home.
He needed to hold her together until she could afford to shatter.
Triggers: Blood, gore, deaths.
A/N: It happened. We all knew it was coming but it wasn't any less devastating. I hope I didn't ruin your day.
I feel so bad. Poor Dilan was finally happy. This was so not fair. I'm sorry guys we've got some heavy angst coming up. Will Levi be able to pull her out of the deep pit she will throw herself in? That is the question for today.
I won't make you wait long for the next chapter, I've written it already it's finding the time to edit which is the problem. But I will find a way because I don't want to leave you like this for too long, not that the next chapter is any less depressing, lol.
Did I enjoy writing this chapter? Yes. Did I cry while writing it? Also yes. I am way too invested in my own story, lmao.
The favour has officially been used. Did we expect Dil to let Levi off the hook this easily? I think she forgave him because he gave her the choice to do what she wanted so she didn't feel forced into anything. Levi didn't make the plan, as she said. I also didn't want him and Dilan to be in an argument when they find the squads bodies. Dilan had to go through enough this chapter without having a fight with the one person that can save her from herself. Besides, all the anger was redirected towards the Commander. Damn those two have some bitchy arguments. Have you noticed Erwin is decent to Levi but still an asshole to Dilan? Lol, Erwin may have grown but that rivalry between them will never die.
Although, I would like them to talk though in the future. Something to think about.
We all knew I was going to use flashbacks. How could I not? I do apologise, but I did what I had to. I thought about just giving them one nice flashback each but they had too many wholesome moments together and they had been a family for so long I couldn't put all that love and friendship into one flashback each.
RIP Squad Levi. This is then end. We had some great times, no one will ever replace you. Especially Oluo, the idiot. We shall miss him.
Thanks for reading. Again, I hope I didn't ruin anyone's day. Go back and read the chicken hunt for the lols if you miss them, lmao. Stay safe! Love you guys! X
vain-gl0ry: Sorry, but I had to! This chapter was a lot but at least the plan didn't break their relationship. Thats something, right? I couldn't bring myself to give them a proper argument knowing what was about to come. They are both going to be crushed enough with guilt without not having each other to lean on. This is so devastating to Dilan I honestly don't think she would be able to pull through if she didn't have Levi. Sad but it's the truth. Thanks for reading and always commenting, even when you're 'dead inside' lmao. Hope you have a nice day, despite all the angst here!
Sodabo: Hey! I hope this chapter didn't upset you too much. I'm glad you love the interaction between them! I wanted to make sure it was established that Dilan was going to be a great big sister to all of those kids before the squad die. Especially Armin, Eren and Mikasa, even if Mikasa is a little sour towards her right now. And of course, Eren is protective over her while Jean is already in love with her, lol. Sasha and Connie are going to be great comic relief too once we get past all this next angst. Eren and his loudmouth, lol. The dumbass spilled the secret in the first five minutes. Such a bad liar. Lmao! Thanks for commenting!
MordredVisor: Thank you so much for you're comment! I really appreciate your support with this story and how much depth you go into when reviewing every chapter. It really helps me stay motivated and you don't know how grateful I am to you. The way you recapped everything in that last review made me so happy and really appreciated, so thank you. It really has been a long ride and Dilan has come so far since the beginning. I'm so happy you love this story, writing is half the fun but the other is knowing people are out there enjoying your writing. It means a lot to me, especially right now. So again, thank you for always commenting. I hope you have a great day!
Mia: The Dilvi awkwardness is indeed hilarious. You just know I'm going to amp up plenty awkward scenes when the 104th join Levi Squad, lmao. Thanks for commenting, have a good day!
badwolffor3ver: Thanks for commenting! Hope you liked the chapter!
