Shahrazád's Ghosts


Chapter 14: Darling (Bella) Part IV


2400 A.D.


Peter had continued, for a little time after the children left, to play gaily on his pipes: no doubt rather a forlorn attempt to prove to himself that he did not care. Then he decided not to take his medicine, so as to grieve Wendy. Then he lay down on the bed outside the coverlet, to vex her still more; for she had always tucked them inside it, because you never know that you may not grow chilly at the turn of the night. Then he nearly cried; but it struck him how indignant she would be if he laughed instead; so he laughed a haughty laugh and fell asleep in the middle of it.

J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

Oooo

Darling waited for Slightly's return from Mali in the shade of the date palms where they kept vigil over Captain Hook's little pond. She had spent several days there, watching the crocodile warm herself in the sun and slowly glide through the green water of her home. She focused all her mental attention on the crocodile, trying with all her might not to think of what was occurring elsewhere, most especially within the walls of Tiger Lily's camp. When Slightly finally found her there, he frowned.

"My Lady?" he asked, as more of a question than a greeting.

"Slightly."

"You wish to speak with me?"

"I did as you suggested."

"It's about time," Slightly said, then his frown deepened. He tentatively approached her so he could place one hand on her shoulder and look at her more closely. "It had to be done. I know, you wished she could live to be a white-haired elder like her predecessor, but it was too dangerous."

She sighed and leaned her head into his arm and closed her eyes. Then she released a stifled sob. "I know. I know. You've been arguing your point for at least a decade. I just… I didn't want it to be like that… and I will miss her."

"I know, but it's better to miss her than to have to fight against her."

Darling sighed. She knew he was right, but that didn't make her like it anymore. This had been the subject of an argument between them more times than she could count. At first, she had considered him cruel and unfeeling, but she knew, in reality, it was because he was being the far-sighted general he was supposed to be.

He came to sit nearby her on a rock, both quietly watching Captain Hook and musing on their own thoughts. Slightly removed his hat and balanced it on his knee, his face grim, but resigned.

"She's already met the Captain, then?" he asked.

"No."

"What are you waiting for?"

"I couldn't… I didn't want to see."

"You mean you wanted me to have to clean up for you," he groaned. "That's hardly fair. Which lucky bastard got to do the honors? Let him do it when he wakes up."

"I gave her to Peter."

Now Slightly started in earnest. His eyes grew wide and he faced Darling fully.

"Peter? My Lady, you are not serious."

"I am."

"Oh, My Lady, what have you done?" he stated more than asked. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his right hand, his displeasure clearly written on his face. Darling's own defenses rose in response. She crossed her arms over her chest and dared him to question her. He would question her. That is why he made a good general. He knew both the limits of authority and the following of orders. He pushed and questioned, but he also followed and kept the others in line. She did not expect him to understand, but she knew he would still obey, even if he disagreed.

"I let Peter take care of Tiger Lily."

"And he did it?"

"Of course."

"Grow me a beard and call me a Pirate! My Lady, you have over a hundred vampires in your army, each and every one who would have happily taken care of Tiger Lily for you before you could even close the door to her camp and not one would have felt the least twinge of remorse after. Why, in the name of all that is holy and sacred, would you send in the one vampire who wouldn't ever willingly choose to kill her?"

"He's the same as the rest of you. I don't see what the problem is."

"He is not the same and you know that as well as I do."

"Yes, he is. I have proved it. You will see."

Slightly's gaze took on a hardened edge and his brow furrowed. "Is that what this is about? You want to undermine him and prove he is the same as the rest of us, prone to the same weaknesses? It will not work. He is stronger than any of us… or is that the problem? Do you feel threatened by him because of his control? You want to see him cower and beg and plead before your feet like the rest of us? You want him to fail? Why?"

"It's not that I want him to fail. It was… convenient."

"That's a lie. What's the real reason?"

She fell silent for a moment. "Fine. I want him to fail. I want to prove to him and to myself that he has the same vulnerabilities as the rest of you and that this false façade of strength he wears is just that, false."

"How can you not see it?" Slightly said, his voice rising in anger to near a shout. "It isn't a façade. That's just Peter. He may drive us all crazy, but only because we know he's so irritatingly sincere. How could you think he should be the one to kill Tiger Lily? You know this will utterly destroy him and he will not be able to live with himself after? It's cruelty beyond imagination."

They both fell into a tense, angry silence. The boulder Slightly sat on crumbled beneath the wrath of his fingers and Darling's brows pursed so deeply, she made canyons between her eyes instead of lines.

"When did he do it?" Slightly asked, forcing the emotion in his voice into a semblance of control.

"I left them in there two weeks ago."

"That's not what I asked. When did he do it?"

"I did not watch."

"You… my Lady, how do you know he did it, then?"

"How could he not? He was near his next feed when I locked him in and no one could bear up under those circumstances."

"You…, you have not even gone in to see? You don't know, for certain, that Tiger Lily is dead?"

"Of course, she's dead."

"Have you seen her body?"

"No."

"Then there is still hope," Slightly said, his face brightening as he jumped to his feet. "I have more faith in Peter's control than you. She's more likely to die by excessive recitation of poetry and by boredom from his many songs than from his teeth."

"I don't believe you."

He stopped walking to face her again, his shoulders still tight with anger. "What is wrong with you? Why Peter? He is the only one of us who would follow your every whim and wish, purely out of loyalty to you. Why would you be so cruel to him? It's unfathomable."

"He will turn on me, same as everyone else."

Slightly laughed, a dark, bitter sound more similar to a jeer. "That's what it is. You despise us for our weakness and you despise him because you cannot find the same weakness in him. That tells me you actually love our weakness and despise his strength. Hate the rest of us, if you will, but not him. Never him. He has done nothing to deserve it but give unconditional devotion to an undeserving tyrant."

"I will prove you are wrong and I am right," Darling said, her own self-righteous anger as kindled as Slightly's.

They walked together to Tiger Lily's camp and she maintained her shield in place, carefully ensuring Slightly would not learn the outcome before her. Then she opened all of the doors and entered in to see the aftermath. She expected to see a blood-stained mess with the vampire a euphoric mess in the middle of it, begging and clambering for more. She expected to see the room, the woman, and the vampire all undone into chaos, the true horrors of each exposed for what they were. She was prepared to gloat with smug satisfaction at her own wisdom and foresight in her plan.

Instead, in the center of the room, Tiger Lily sat on the floor with her hair cleaned and braided, fresh clothes on her, and a bright, beautiful smile on her face as she sang along with Peter's song on his guitar.

They stopped when they heard her approach and Tiger Lily jumped in surprise to see the anger on Darling's face and the unfamiliar face of Slightly. She threw herself onto Peter's lap, her face buried in his chest, and his arms wrapped around her comfortingly as he cooed platitudes to her.

"What is this?" Darling asked, her voice frigid, and her sense of dismay rising like mercury in a thermometer.

"I believe there was a problem with the doors," Peter answered, as if that were the strangest part of their current circumstances. "Tiger Lily's doors were left open and I was locked inside. Do not worry. She is no worse for wear, though I believe we need to give more consideration to her lodgings. They really are substandard for such a delicate creature."

"She is making demands now? She cannot speak."

"Oh, well, of course she can't speak if no one bothers to teach her. Poor thing has had so little company in here. She communicates quite well enough for me to understand her. Already, she's learned so much. Given a little more time; she will soon be able to speak as well as the rest of us."

Darling gawked, her mouth fell open in absolute fury. She could hardly find any semblance of order in her scattered thoughts and her obviously failed plan. What did rise to the surface, like oil on water, was a surge of jealousy so hot it could have melted the chains of the manacles nearby and it went to Darling's head like the strongest of her medicine.

How dare this human garner any of his praise or adoration! How dare she take what should only belong to Darling! How dare she have any corner of Peter's affections!

Slightly's smug chuckle nearby gave her another outlet for her anger. She gave him a violent prod in the chest until he followed her into the hall.

"He is a fool," Darling said.

"I never said he wasn't, but he is an honest fool, and a sincere one... and one who has utterly failed to do as you thought he would."

"Then you will need to finish it," she hissed back.

"My Lady, now he... oh, this is far, far worse. What have you done?" Slightly exclaimed, more to himself than to her. His brow furrowed as he considered their current situation. "You will need to shield him, and distract him. I don't want to have to quarrel with him, though it will be inevitable, once the poor devil finds out."

"Fine."

Darling reentered the room with all the elegance of a furious monarch and she bade Peter to follow her. Peter did, confusion evident on his face. He gently, so gently, placed the human on the floor and kissed her on the top of her head.

"I'll see you soon, love," he said, soft smile on his face.

And that was enough to make sure her fate was sealed. She dropped her shield tightly around Slightly and Peter before she gave Slightly a meaningful, but silent, order with her eyes. Peter followed Darling out of the room and to her own quarters.

"What was that?" she hissed, once they were alone.

"I assure you, I did not intend to be trapped in there with her. It simply happened and no matter how I called for help, none of the others came and no one else opened the door," he said and he looked at her through eyes pitch black with hunger and she found herself completely and utterly confounded. "

"But why does she still live? I thought you said you were drawn to her."

"Of course, she still lives. I cannot kill her," he said, as if it were the simplest truth in the world. As if he had not just succeeded at the one unconquered task all his predecessors had ever failed at even attempting. "Why would you even think I would? Did you not place me in charge of guarding her safety? I did as you asked."

He paused to consider her, his mouth falling slightly ajar as the realization finally dawned on him, like an anvil falling on a porcelain doll.

"You left the door open... You wanted me to kill her... Why would you? How could you?"

She turned her face away. "There are forces at play you cannot understand."

"But you thought that I… what must you think of me?" he said, abject heartbreak so evident on his face that she began to feel the guilt Slightly heaped on her begin to bury her alive. He collapsed onto the floor, his head in his hands. She followed his example and sat on the floor beside him, not far enough to escape the way his chest rose and fell in hurried gasps, but not close enough to invade the space he obviously sought. "Darling, why do you create us if you despise us so?" he continued, not once meeting her gaze. "I know nothing about those who have come before me, but I am not them. Their sins are their own. Why must I pay the price for their transgressions? Judge me by my own actions and punish me as the evil in my own heart deserves, but not based on the actions of others, even if we share a face. I will not hold you accountable for the actions of Tiger Lily any more than I will exchange your virtues for hers. You are your own."

"That is where you are wrong. Tiger Lily and I are the same. It is only a stroke of luck, a fluttering of fate, that separates us."

"That's why you make the newborns bond to her first," he mused, creeping closer to her to try to see her face. "You are just as vulnerable. You are using her as a shield to protect yourself… because you don't want to be bound to us. Yet you are."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are. That's why you make the Pirates come read to you. That's why you invited me to come be with you. You feel it to."

She frowned and shook her head, slowly backing up against the wall. He followed, not giving her the space to retreat. "It is a false bond. Every one of you immediately bonds to one of us. You just happened to meet me first. Your very nature lies to you and tells you that you love me, but you don't."

"I see. Tell me, since you know my heart better than I, am I capable of loving anyone?"

"You are capable of lying to yourself and believing you can love. But you can't," she said, attempting to infuse her words with all the vitriol that such a flagrant lie could create.

"I am glad to know that. I suppose I will continue lying to myself then, because since the moment I first laid eyes on you, I have loved you with all of my soul," he said. Then he ran one finger along her cheek, his eyes overfull of such a burning firestorm of emotion that she felt herself burned by the heat of it and she could not look away, no matter how she tried.

This made her even more furious. She hated him for such an answer because of how it made her rebel heart twist and melt within her. She hated how his black eyes still held all the guileless innocence and adoration of the Pirate he once was. She hated him because she did not know how else to respond. She hated that she might have, if she were honest with herself, been proved wrong, in so many thousands of ways.

Terribly, and horribly wrong.

And if she were wrong, then Peter, also, was wrong. She would have proved herself to not be worthy of such dedicated affections. She would lose the love he so freely declared was hers, that she had refused to accept. It was at that moment that she realized she did not want to lose him, whether it was merely a delusional self-deception on his part or not. For just one moment, she wished to drown in all the adoration he poured upon her and pretend it was really, truly for her.

At first, she thought he was going to lean in and steal another kiss. Instead, he withdrew his finger, slowly replacing it by his side, and he backed away. When the space he allowed to grow between them began to feel like a chasm instead of a creek, Darling panicked. Then she threw herself on him, crashing her lips on his and kissing him with all the fierce stores of passion she had stored in herself for the last 225 years of her existence. It was a dangerous breach and she felt herself shatter as she did.

She had used her machinations of affections to keep herself alive, back when Edward's wild alter ego sought to devour her, and she used physical affection to distract him from his bloodlust and give her the time to escape and replace herself with a decoy. During her days with the Volturi, she occasionally used physical affection to gain alliances or enemies or distract Aro from his suspicions. Now, during her time as Mistress of Neverland, she occasionally rewarded her loyal subjects with a chaste kiss or embrace to remind them who was Mistress of this temple and keep their desires fixed where they belonged. Only two weeks ago, she had used such an embrace to distract Peter long enough to lock him in with Tiger Lily, and had not had a second thought about the manipulation.

But this, this was different. This was her allowing her heart to be vulnerable. This was self-destruction instead of self-preservation. It was allowing herself to be fully seen instead of hiding herself away and it was as terrible as it was wonderful. Until he pushed her away, his eyes growing hard as a blade's edge.

"You are poison," he said. "If you cannot compel me to mindless obedience with medicine or with Tiger Lily, you resort to dangling yourself in front of me instead. Is nothing sacred? Would you expose each of my weaknesses to your whims? No, away from me, Serpent." His head swung up then, his eyes growing wide with dawning horror. "What are you trying to distract me from this time? What is it I am not supposed to know about… unless… where is Slightly?"

"Peter, wait," she said, a bit breathlessly, her mind reeling with his change of posture and direction. He did not listen or stop, not even when she caught his hand in hers and tried to pull him back to herself.

Darling realized she was now in the place she had most dreaded. With Edward, she knew how to pull his reins and direct him as she wished. A cup of blood here, a kiss there, a helpless clone, and Edward was putty in her hands. Then she was safe.

But this...this was an Edward who did not stop when she told him to. This was an Edward she could not control. He had thrown off his bridle completely and he threatened to stampede over her and crush her plans beneath his hooves. He was stronger and faster than her, and her gift protected her mind, not her body.

If she could not manipulate his weaknesses, she could utilize hers. She dropped her shield, flooding her mind with the words he was immune to from her mouth.

Stop, Peter! It's too late.

His nostrils flared as he finally stopped and turned to face her.

I'm sorry. It had to be done.

She did not get the opportunity to explain any further because he ran full speed back to Tiger Lily's camp. She followed after, as fast as she could, but she could not catch him. She did not need to. By the scream that followed, she knew when he had arrived.

Darling came upon Peter's distraught form, writhing in Slightly's arms and reaching for the prostrate form on the floor. There, John lay, a wreathe of chestnut hair and lifeless limbs hung limp in his arms as John lay back, his eyes closed, entirely unconscious to the threats of violence assaulting him. Peter escaped Slighty's grasp and pulled the woman to himself. He vainly tried to listen for a heartbeat, but there was none. Her eyes were glazed, her body unmoving, and no smile would ever grace her face again.

Peter held her to himself, rocking her back and forth, sobbing tearless cries and making apologies.

"I'm so sorry, Tiger Lily, I'm so sorry. I should have stayed. I should have been here," he cried.

Darling joined Slightly, watching the scene enfold before them without further interference.

"You didn't want to do it?" she asked, one eyebrow raised.

Slightly shook his head.

"Why?"

He nodded in the direction of the weeping man. "That's why."

Darling just stared. "You… because of Peter?"

"Darling, you may have no heart, but some of us still do," he said, his voice dripping with both derision and deep sadness. "There would be no pleasure in inflicting that kind of pain on another man. John was the only one willing to do it, but he sold his soul long ago. I prefer to keep mine in tact. The rest of us, well, we've all lived in Peter's head too long for that. And we all have to live in his head still. We may have once fought for the opportunity to have Tiger Lily ourselves, but no one fought over it today."

"I have a heart," she answered.

"The evidence suggests otherwise."

"You were the one who has been arguing for years for this outcome," she said.

"Yes. And I would have mitigated its effects on Peter beforehand... not locked him in the room with her for a little two week long bonding trip. Do you know how much harder this is going to be for him now?"

Peter looked up then, the typical warmth of affection now entirely drained from his eyes. In its place, rage.

"YOU!" he shouted. "You wanted her dead! You distracted me on purpose."

Slightly stood as a buffer between Darling and the furious Peter, but instead of lunging at Darling again, Peter brushed past them both. He still carried Tiger Lily in his arms, not as an empty corpse to be disposed of, or as an offering to the desert, but as if she were still precious, still treasured, even after her death.

"Let me take her outside," Darling called at his retreating form.

"NO!" he shouted. "No," he said, calmer this time. "I will take care of her myself. She should be remembered by those who loved her and, as I am the only one, it should be me to take care of her last rites."

"Fine," Darling said, her face falling in an unusual expression of chastened shame and regret.

Peter walked through the tunnels of Neverland at a human pace and as he walked, he began to sing. His mournful dirge reverberating against the walls of the tunnels for all inhabitants of Neverland to hear. Darling and Slightly followed after, though several yards behind him. Slightly did not look at Darling and, by the pull of his shoulders, she could tell he was still angry.

When Peter passed through the hall by the storage rooms, a door behind him opened and the head that peeked out was greyed and frazzled. The old Pirate placed one hand on Peter's shoulder, an earnest expression shared between them both. Then a harmony joined in with the Pirate's funeral song and another set of footsteps kept time behind him.

When they neared the Home Under the Ground, each of the Lost Boys waited outside their doors, solemnly watching the procession pass. Peter did not glance at them, but kept his gaze fixed ahead. Then, one by one, the Lost Boys joined in to walk behind the Pirate.

"What are they doing?" Darling asked Slightly. She was confused. Never had the Lost Boys performed any kind of funeral or memorial for a lost fellow of Neverland, not even for the previous Tiger Lily.

"Do you know how much control it took for Peter not to kill her? I don't think you can fully comprehend it. He did what none of the rest of us even dreamed was possible," Slightly responded. "They want to pay their respects to Peter."

The procession followed after Peter until he reached Captain Hook's pond. Tiger Lily was buried with all the full honors of a Pirate, but with more honors than any other Pirate had yet received.

Darling was confounded. How many other versions of Bella had gone to their graves there without a single tear being shed? Yet this one was bemoaned with all the chaste adoration of a grieved brother. Peter neither ravished her body nor took her blood and still he wept for her. He never once made false promises or tried to replace her with another or used her for any purposes and still he wept.

It had taken long, so long, for Darling to understand.

Peter was not Edward.

The Edward who had sired her had been defined by his weakness. He was a cracked pane of glass, a pebble away from shattering. He was entirely controlled by his desires and those desires coalesced to drain away his strength until he finally imploded in on himself.

This version of Edward was as different from that as Chad differed from Italy. She wondered how similar Peter could be to what Edward had been like, before he first met her, the first Bella, the one who had started it all. Then again, that Edward had been young, so young. He had been hardly a man and still very much a boy when he was turned.

There was nothing boyish about Peter.

If she were honest with herself, she had to admit that the longer she had known Peter, the more she watched him grow in strength. Now, he had faced the greatest temptation known to their kind and did not crumble.

When he emerged from Tiger Lily's camp that day, every head in Neverland turned to follow after him in awe, but his black, hungry eyes ignored them completely.

Here was the one man who held Tiger Lily in his arms, and let her walk free. Here was the one man who Darling willingly sought to embrace, and who refused her.

He was the only one of them who was not bound, the only one who was free, the only one who could not be mastered.

After that day, all Neverland was never quite the same again. It was now obvious Peter was no Lost Boy.

And Darling knew that Neverland had finally found its King.

OoOooo