Charlie Bone and the Library of Fantasy
Chapter Ten: Fairytale characters have issues!
Warning: this chapter contains swearing, suicide, temper tantrums and corpses.
Lysander screamed.
He ran.
He reached his destination and began to drink some water from the tap.
"Oh, sorry dear. Was that too hot?" Mama bear asked Lysander, who was at the kitchen sink.
"Is that a rhetorical question?" Lysander asked in a raspy voice.
"Sorry." Mama bear said, "Are you okay?"
"Yep."
Lysander sat back down, blowing on his porridge. Papa bear began sniffing him.
Lysander started inching away, feeling uncomfortable.
"Papa bear! Don't even think of eating him! Don't eventhink of licking him! Stop smelling him this instant!"
"Yes dear." Papa bear looked downwards, ashamed.
Lysander felt quite uneasy in this environment.
"So, tell us, what's a young human like yourself doing out here all alone, seeing as you've just told us that mean little blonde girl wasn't with you and you just found her here?"
Lysander thought for a moment. Were they trustworthy? Would they believe him? Lysander decided on a half truth.
"Well, originally, I was with my friends but then, somehow, we got split up. D'you think you guys could help me?"
"No but we do know who could help you; the wolf!"
"The wolf?" Lysander asked, confused.
"Yes, he's a genius, that one. It's too bad that he's gay." Mama bear let out a dreamy sigh and started drooling.
Papa Bear started to look angry. Lysander decided to talk and distract them both.
"But couldn't he potentially kill and/or eat me?"
"Well…he does have a habit to do that to humans such as little Red Riding Hood…but she was a bitch anyway." Papa bear said, calming down.
"Honey!" Mama Bear scolded, "Not in front of the baby! His first word was a swear word, we don't want his second word to be one too!"
"Bitch." Baby Bear laughed, "Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck bitch. Fucked bitch. Fucking bitch. Hehehhehehee….Fucking Bitch!"
"Oh no!" Mama bear moaned, "Great job…you…you…You! Bloody brilliant!"
"Bloody. Bloody, bloody, bloody. You, you, you, you. Bloody fucking bitch. Hehhehhehehe……you bloody fucking bitch!"
"See! You're just as bad!" Papa bear snapped.
Mama bear turned to Lysander.
"Anyway, you can find the wolf in the woods. Here's a map. The highlighted area is his territory. Don't worry about being killed and/or eaten; you should be alright. You're not a 'b' word. You're not even a girl, so you have nothing to worry about. Well, he might hit on you but…anyone who has a brain would enjoy that…" Mama Bear started drooling again, handing Lysander a map.
Papa Bear's temper went through the roof.
"THAT'S IT! I'M SICK OF YOU DROOLING OVER THAT BLOODY WOLF AND CRITISISING EVERY LITTLE THING I SAY OR DO! I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK OF YOU! I WANT A DIVORCE! I'M OUT OF HERE!" Papa Bear yelled, storming out the door.
Baby bear started crying. Then, he looked up at his mother with his teary eyes.
"You bloody fucking bitch! You bloody fucking bitch!" he said accusingly.
His mother burst out into tears. She grabbed a butcher's knife.
"No, don't!" but Lysander was too late.
She shoved the knife into her heart and died.
There was a moment of silence.
"I…should get going." Lysander started walking out of the cottage, whistling innocently.
"Mama!" baby bear managed to grab Lysander on his way.
"My mama!" Baby bear cuddled up to Lysander.
"Aww…" Lysander cooed, "He thinks I'm his Mama!"
Then, it sunk in.
"HEY! I'M NOT A GIRL!"
"Mama!" The baby bear clung onto Lysander's shirt.
"Okay, it's time to get off of me" Lysander tried pulling the baby bear off him. The bear wouldn't budge.
Lysander sighed.
"Guess, I'm stuck with you huh?"
Lysander walked out the door with the baby bear clinging to him, the baby bear falling asleep.
He looked at the map that Mama Bear had given to him. Unfortunately, he looked up to see Goldilocks' bloody corpse a few metres to the side of him.
"That's her own fault, not mine." He muttered, trying to make himself feel less guilty.
He felt ashamed. There was a parentless baby bear, an angry papa bear that'd just gotten divorced, a mama bear who had committed suicide, and a pretty girl who had accidentally committed suicide and it was kind of all his fault. If he hadn't come along, everything would've been fine.
Soon, he was deep into the wolf's territory. He pulled back some shrubbery.
…
"Charlie? Is that you?" Tancred asked, approaching the very disturbed looking person.
"Yes." Charlie said blankly.
"Um…are you okay?" Tancred asked, looking at him weirdly.
"Well, would you be okay if a wolf who's in touch with his feminine side and is gay yelled at you, tried to eat you and then left saying that you're hot?" Charlie stated, still in shock.
"Ah…"
There was some rustling in the nearby bushes. Charlie snapped out of it and the two boys both got into special positions; ready for a fight.
The bushes were pulled back and a guilty looking Lysander appeared with a baby bear clinging to his shirt.
"Sander!" Tancred called out, glad to see his best friend.
"Tanc." Lysander said softly, putting a finger to his mouth and indicating to the sleeping bear on his shirt.
"What the…?" Tancred and Charlie looked at Lysander for an explanation.
"It's a long story." Lysander said shortly.
The three of them started walking out of the wolf's territory (Charlie's suggestion) and talking about what had happened to each of them (Tancred's suggestion). They got out of the wolf's territory and had just finished talking about their little adventures.
"Fairytale characters have issues!" Lysander stated, grinning.
"Yeah, I know. But I can't believe you called Rapunzel 'Romeo'!" Charlie chuckled, looking at Tancred.
"I can't believe a gay wolf yelled at you, tried to eat you and then called you hot!" Lysander softly laughed, looking at Charlie.
"I can't believe a baby bear thinks your it's mama!" Tancred said.
Tancred and Charlie both started laughing.
"Hehehe…you're a girl!"
"Tell us, is giving birth really that painful?"
Good-natured Lysander fumed.
"So, where do you think the others are?" he said quickly, trying to distract them.
"Uh...no clue."
They saw a medieval castle up ahead.
"Maybe they're in there! Let's check it out!"
