LEVI'S P.O.V.
Levi woke up early in the morning, the sun barely risen. It had been a long night, but they made it through. As expected, Dilan had several nightmares. Some Levi managed to soothe while she was still asleep, comforting her and whispering quiet reassurances that it wasn't real, and he was there for her. But others were so bad she ended up waking with a jump and Levi had to bring her down from the edge. Thankfully Dilan had fallen asleep 2 hours ago now and she was peacefully still, a small frown on her face but she wasn't shaking so Levi assumed her sleep was dreamless.
He wasn't surprised.
She was so exhausted it was unlikely her brain had the energy to create any more nightmares.
He looked out the window and sighed, pissed off that they had to get back to reality in a few hours. He needed more time with her, more time to soothe her before going back to the shit show they call their jobs.
He wondered what it would be like to leave.
To just up and go.
They had enough money saved to get a small cottage in the country. They could fix it up the way they wanted, start on those kids they talked about, spend all day in bed having sex and eating food just like the brat wanted. She could learn how to cook, and Levi could start some pointless hobby like… fishing or something.
Okay maybe not fishing.
He was sure he would be able to come up with a better idea eventually. They would get the perfect life they wanted away from the death and destruction. They would be able to live the lives they dreamed.
And yet… while it was a nice fantasy, it was just that.
A fantasy.
The scouts were crumbling as they were, but without them, their strongest soldiers, the regiment would fail. And with the survey corps gone, who would protect the walls from titans? Who would solve this mystery with Eren and the other shifters? If the bad guys won, if they managed to break the walls and the titans got in again, the little life they build for themselves in the country would be destroyed just as quickly. No, that life wasn't possible until every titan was eliminated. And that's why they needed to fight because that was the life Levi wanted so badly.
A good life, with Dilan.
A small whimper brought him out of his thoughts, and he looked down at the brat as pain twisted on her face. Levi's heart lurched, just wanting her to get some peace. He moved further down in the covers.
"It's okay brat. I'm here. I've got you." He whispered, smoothing his thumb over her cheek. Dilan took a few breaths before calming down and relaxing again. Levi sighed in relief, brushing some hair behind her ear.
He looked up as there was a soft knock at the door, wondering who it could be. Gently untangling himself from Dilan, he got up from the bed and wrapped her up in the sheets. Looking down at himself, he frowned, realising he was rather indecent. Sighing, knowing there was only one option, he walked into the bathroom, taking his boxers and uniform pants out of the hamper and quickly pulling them on. They were stained with blood and it made him grimace, but it was the best he could do.
Another quiet knock on the door had him reach for his shirt but looking at it more closely he realised someone couldn't pay him to put on that mess. Cringing slightly, he walked to the door, opening it. Mrs Billings was on the other side and she smiled before seeing his half naked state.
Levi cringed again.
"I apologise for my lack of decency. I forgot to think about grabbing some clothes before we came here." Levi apologised, using the door to hide half his frame and Dilan from the woman. Mrs Billings chuckled, shaking her head.
"Oh, don't worry, sweet boy. That is, in fact, why I am here." She explained cheerfully. Levi had always wondered why this kind woman looked past his attitude and still behaved so friendly towards him. Only a handful of people had ever been able to do it. Farlan, Izzy, Hanji, Dilan. But even they needed some time.
This woman automatically took a liking to him the first time he found himself in her cottage.
It was a month after Izzy and Farlan's deaths. He had focused solely on work, trying to survive. He was blocking out his emotions and quite honestly working himself to death. He barely slept or ate, and he spent all of his free time training.
Becoming stronger.
And yet, Mike decided to interfere, giving him 3 vacation days and ordering that he take them and get off the grounds. Like the shell he was, he obeyed the order directly, without reaction. He packed a bag, grabbed a horse and just rode. He didn't know where he was going but at some point, it was dark, and he saw the light from the inn, so he came inside and asked for a room.
Mrs Billings was friendly to him in a way no one had been for a long time. He couldn't blame them; his face was so deadpanned that it freaked himself out when he looked in the mirror sometimes. And yet, she looked past it, even offering to make him some tea and sit with him.
That was the first time he had tea, but it wasn't only that, that made the experience so memorable. It was the kindness of this stranger from the surface that he never forgot. From then on, Levi would come here whenever he got given a break and Mrs Billings became something of a friendly acquaintance to him. He was comfortable here, which was rare to say with most places.
He hoped Dilan would find comfort here too.
"I saw you had no bags on you and your uniforms were horribly tattered, so I brought you each up some clothes. I hope they fit, they are my sons and his wife. I am quite sure you both are similar in sizes." She smiled. Levi blinked at her, still astounded by her kindness.
Old people sure were thoughtful.
"Will they mind?" He asked. Mrs Billings smiled sadly.
"If they were here today, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. They both died in an accident 12 years ago, you see. You remind me of my boy, young man. A little rough on the outside but kind at heart." She said kindly. Levi's eyes widened a fraction in shock. She had never mentioned this before. Although, he supposed in his previous visits he wasn't much of a talker. "Here, take the clothes. Go dress your pretty girlfriend before she gets a cold." She encouraged, passing him the clothes.
"Thank you. This was very kind." Levi said genuinely. She smiled.
"No problem, dear. Will you two be requiring any breakfast?" She asked. Levi looked back at Dilan before facing the old woman again.
"Do you have any apples?" He asked.
DILAN'S P.O.V.
Dilan sighed as she regained consciousness. Part of her just wanted to sleep forever. It may be filled with nightmares but even the nightmares were less troubling than reality because the reality was that her squad was dead. Dilan felt her throat tighten with emotion at the thought and she kept her eyes closed, hoping to disappear for a while longer but a warm hand stroking her back made the tightness disappear and she took a breath, relaxing and leaning into the thing she realised was Levi.
A warmth entered her chest as he kissed the side of her head and it gave her the push to open her eyes. Reality may be shit but Levi was in it.
She would suffer through anything to be with him.
Dilan looked up at him and he stroked her cheek, offering a comforting look. She bit her lip to stall the tears, relaxing as he pulled her into a hug and Dilan sighed, feeling better. At least they had made it through the night.
It was horrible but they did it.
Dilan hoped he had managed to get some sleep. She felt bad that he had to calm her down every time she freaked out, but Dilan knew better than to apologise. Levi wouldn't accept her apology and would likely call her an idiot. He was happy to comfort her because he was just that amazing.
"How are you feeling?" Levi asked after a moment. Dilan sighed, leaning into his neck.
"I… don't know." She admitted. She was feeling too many things. She was sad, she was angry, she was tired, and she was grateful. Grateful that Levi was still here, that he hadn't been more seriously hurt.
Dilan's eyes widened as she remembered his leg.
"How are you feeling? Does your leg hurt?" Dilan asked, sitting up and pulling back the covers to look at the bandages. She frowned seeing they were all damp from their shower. He hadn't been taking care of himself because he was too focused on her.
Dilan felt guilt twist in her stomach.
"Hey, Dil, I'm fine. It doesn't hurt that much, I promise." Levi reassured, sitting up as well.
"Well I need to redress it. Then we need to get you back to Hanji so she can treat you properly." Dilan said seriously. Levi sighed, taking her hand.
"I know. But can we just stay in bed a little longer?" He asked, stroking some hair behind her ear. Dilan saw how tired he looked, and her eyes softened.
He definitely didn't get much sleep last night.
"Okay." She agreed, giving and laying back down. Levi hummed in approval, moving her closer and pulling the sheet back over them. He sighed and closed his eyes. Dilan brushed the bangs out of his face and stroked through his hair, seeing him relax under her touch.
How long before I lose him too?
Dilan's brain thought without permission and she froze, a sudden wave of tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Levi opened his eyes immediately, seeming to be able to sense her distress. She closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling, feeling guilty that she kept worrying him. She just wanted him to relax. He had lost the squad too.
He deserved to let it out too.
"Talk to me." Levi whispered, stroking her cheek. Dilan took a shaky breath, opening her glossy amber eyes.
"I can't lose you." She said quietly. Levi's face softened.
"So, you won't." Levi replied. Dilan sighed.
"You can't promise that." She mumbled. Levi made their eyes meet.
"I can. I can promise that, and I will. You will never lose me. I will do whatever I can to make sure I keep that promise." Levi said seriously and Dilan felt some of the agony lessen. Levi had never broken a promise before.
"Really?" She asked. Levi nodded.
"But I need you too, brat. I need you to start being more selfish. I need you to think before you jump because I don't know what's going to happen next but I'm out of commission for a while. I need you to be careful." He explained. Dilan nodded seriously in understanding, feeling a bit of relief from his words.
While she didn't like Levi being vulnerable, it made her feel better that he wouldn't be on the front lines for a while.
"I will, I promise." She agreed. They both held each other for a moment, relieved by their promises. Somehow, they would find the will to keep them, no matter what.
No matter how impossible it was.
Dilan smoothed her hands over Levi's shoulders while she looked around the room, realising she had no fucking clue where they were.
"Levi, where are we?" She asked. Levi kissed her shoulder.
"A cottage inn. I used to come here a lot. It's in the countryside, away from everything." Levi explained. Dilan hummed in understanding, grateful that he didn't bring her back to base just yet. She needed some time before going back there. It would still hurt but she would be able to manage it with Levi's support.
"We need to go back soon, don't we?" She asked. Levi sighed.
"Yes. Technically we breached contract leaving Eren by himself, even if Hanji is there." Levi admitted. Dilan frowned slightly, hoping the kid was doing okay. It was likely he saw them all die. He must be traumatised.
"What comes next?" Dilan asked, trying to keep the anger out of her voice. Levi stroked her back to comfort her while he thought of an answer.
"In all honesty, I'm not sure the next step. The mission was a complete fucking failure. If we don't do something... they could take Eren back." Levi explained carefully and Dilan tensed.
"Levi, please don't let him die. I can't bear another." She whispered, blinking back the tears. Levi kissed her neck, holding her close.
"I'll do my best, brat. I'll do everything I can." He soothed. Dilan took a breath and managed to relax. Levi was right. They'll do their best. But in order to do that, they should probably get up. Dilan sighed at the realisation, taking one more moment in his arms before starting to pull back. Levi groaned when he realised what she was doing. "Brat…" He mumbled, frowning at her.
She gave him a soft look, kissing his lips.
"We have to get up. Eren's probably shitting himself." Dilan sighed, sitting up straight. Levi hesitated before giving in, probably worried about her mental state. She couldn't blame him; she was worried too. But she'll only know how she deals with it when she gets there. Dilan knew one thing for certain. She wanted some fucking revenge.
That female titan bitch was going down.
"Fine, just promise me one thing." Levi asked, snapping her out of her murderous thoughts. Dilan looked at him.
"What?"
"Lean on me today." Levi said seriously. Dilan's eyes softened slightly, remembering the promise they made the second night after they had just gotten together.
"Could you promise me something?" Dilan asked. Levi looked at her, nodding. "From now on we lean on each other. I need you to tell me when you need me. No more hiding things from each other. If you're having trouble sleeping or eating or anything, I need you to tell me. Complete honesty, that's the only way this is going to work." She said seriously. Levi smiled.
"I'll promise if you do. You need to lean on me as well." He offered. Dilan smiled back and nodded.
"I promise." She agreed. Levi stroked some hair behind her ear.
"I promise too."
Her heart warmed at the memory, so fucking lucky for this man. She kissed him.
"I will. You'll do the same though, right?" She whispered after pulling back. Levi nodded. Dilan looked at him with approval, feeling a lot better. She kissed him again quickly before pulling back and pushing her legs over the edge of the bed. She frowned when she remembered, she was very much naked. She didn't imagine their expedition clothes would be all that sanitary.
"Mrs Billings brought us some clothes. I left them on the dresser." Levi answered her thoughts and Dilan looked at him, tilting her head.
"Mrs Billings?" She asked.
"Yeah, the lady that runs this place." Levi explained, moving to stand up but Dilan stood up first and pushing him back before he could. Levi raised an eyebrow at her.
"You're not moving anywhere until I properly dress that wound." She said sternly. Levi frowned at her. "I mean it Levi and I'm not in the mood to argue." She pursed her lips, knowing the stubborn bastard was going to need people to be strict with him if he was going to get over this injury quickly. Dilan imagined he didn't help himself by putting all that pressure on it yesterday.
Levi hesitated before giving in.
"Fine." He sighed. Dilan nodded in approval, stroking through his hair before pulling away. She moved to the dresser and sorted out the clothes that a Mrs Billings apparently gave to them.
Dilan was kind of out of it yesterday, so she didn't remember how they got there. Anything before the bathroom and she didn't really remember it. She had managed to get some energy back and became more responsive. After Mr Ral, she had completely blacked out for the whole ride here.
Dilan supressed a shiver at the memories and pulled on the clothes. They were good quality. Simple black pants, a tank top and a soft knitted white roll neck jumper as well as some white socks.
Dilan took the pile of Levi's clothes and walked back over to where he was sitting over the edge of the bed. She passed him the clothes and Levi started getting dressed in a pair of black slacks and a grey long sleeved shirt. She had to help him with the trousers, not wanting him to put too much pressure on his leg and Levi had rolled his eyes fondly but complied to keep her happy.
"Where did she get the clothes?" Dilan asked after they were both fully dressed. Levi put his hands on her hips and moved her closer, so she was standing in between his legs and Dilan went back to playing with his hair as he lent his head onto her stomach.
"Her son and his wife. Apparently, they died a while ago and I remind her of him." Levi mumbled. Dilan hummed in understanding. They'll have to come back and return them at some point. The clothes were well cleaned and excellent quality. Dilan could only assume she kept them so nice because they were sentimental. It was nice of her to give something so precious to strangers. Or at least Dilan was a stranger. Levi did say he used to come here a lot.
"How often did you come here?" Dilan asked. Levi looked up at her.
"Whenever I got a vacation day. After Izzy and Farlan this was the only place I found myself comfortable at other than the scouts." Levi explained with a shrug. Dilan nodded in understanding, leaning down to press a kiss to his lips. Everything about him was soothing.
He was keeping her together.
"Wait here." Dilan said, kissing him again before pulling away.
"Why?" Levi asked. Dilan made it to the door before turning around to face him.
"I'm going to see if the woman has any bandages." Levi opened his mouth and Dilan frowned. "No buts." Dilan added sternly and exited the room before he could retort.
Dilan sighed, running her fingers through her hair as she walked down the steps, looking around. It was a beautiful place and Dilan noticed it was very clean. It must be why Levi liked it here even though it wasn't exactly his style. It was very homey and comforting. Little trinkets dotted around, warm lamps and cosy rugs.
Petra would like it here.
Dilan thought, freezing on the second to last step, she took a deep breath and steadied herself. She needed to be strong. Levi was injured and she needed to be strong for him. She couldn't always rely on him, she wanted him to be able to rely on her too. It was the only way they were going to get through this. Dilan took another breath before heading over to the front desk and pressing the bell. A sharp ding filled the space and Dilan waited in the silence, about to press the bell again when an old woman appeared from the left. She looked familiar and Dilan supposed they must have met yesterday even if she wasn't all with it.
"Oh, good morning dear! I didn't think you would be up yet." She smiled kindly, walking behind the desk. Dilan automatically liked her. She had a reassuring vibe around her.
Dilan managed a small smile back, not wanting to be rude, even if she didn't feel like smiling right now.
"Yes, well, unfortunately we have to get back pretty soon." Dilan explained. The woman nodded in understanding.
"I see, I see. Was everything to your approval? How about the clothes? Did they fit both of you?" She asked sweetly. Dilan offered another small smile, feeling it come a bit more naturally. It was nice of her to do that for them. Dilan didn't think she would be able to stand the sight of that bloodied uniform right now. It was a big ugly reminder of what happened.
"Yes, it was perfect, and the clothes fit great. Thank you." She replied politely. She smiled and nodded.
"You're very welcome dear. Is there anything I could do for you? I could get Andrew to bring up a pot of tea, I know Levi likes tea." She asked. Dilan chuckled a bit, surprising herself. Then she felt guilty for laughing. Then she felt confused because she promised Levi she wouldn't feel guilty, and she had no fucking clue where to go from there.
Mrs Billings seemed to read the conflicting emotions on her face.
"Are you quite alright, sweetie?" She asked, concerned. Dilan took a breath and rubbed her face. Everything was so fucked up. She still couldn't believe this was real. That it actually happened.
"I… um. Honestly no, I'm not great but that's life, right? It's-" Dilan sighed but the old lady cut her off.
"Shit?" She asked. Dilan's eyes widened a fraction at the sweet woman's vulgar vocabulary. She cracked a smile.
"Yeah, life's pretty fucking shit." She admitted and the woman chuckled.
"I know dear. I've had my fair share of shit days. It saddens me that you youngsters have to do such dangerous work, but it does make me feel safer. If I can give you any advice, it's that pain doesn't last forever, and things do work out in the end." She said and Dilan observed the wisdom in her eyes. She had a feeling this lady knew what she was talking about. You could see it, distantly, the pain she had been through.
Losing her son must have been hard.
"Thank you, I hope your right." Dilan replied and she smiled in agreement. Suddenly Dilan remembered why she was here. "You don't happen to have any bandages, do you? Levi fractured his leg and he's been walking on it like an idiot." Dilan frowned slightly, wishing she had been of sound mind to look after him yesterday.
Mrs Billings eyes widened slightly in concern.
"Yes, of course! Give me a moment, I'll bring up my kit and take a look. I used to be a nurse; you see." She explained, walking into another room. Dilan was relieved at that. She could do her best, but she had no clue what she was doing past stitches.
A moment later Dilan and Mrs Billings were going through the door to the room. Levi sat up from where he was lying on the bed and gave her a confused look.
"Mrs Billings used to be a nurse. She's going to help you." Dilan explained.
"Please, dear. Call me Doris." She smiled.
Levi frowned slightly. But only because he was a stubborn bastard.
"Dil, I'm fine-" Levi started but was cut off as Doris smacked him on the top of the head with the wooden splint, she had found to replace the old one after Dilan told her the idiot had showered and made it all damp. Levi's eyes widened in surprise and Dilan choked on a laugh, completely astounded.
"Listen to your pretty girlfriend or she'll leave you and find someone who's better at paying attention." Doris warned with a gentle smile, acting like she hadn't just smacked Humanities Strongest on the head like a disobedient child.
Levi didn't reply to that, staring in front of him in shock.
Dilan couldn't help the snort that came out of her mouth, smacking her hands over her lips as Levi glared at her.
"Now, let's take a look, shall we." She continued, moving a stool over to sit down. Dilan walked over to Levi and sat down on the bed next to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek. Levi glared at her for laughing earlier and Dilan smirked a bit in response, allowing herself to stay in the moment and forget about all the bad for a second.
"What? Want me to kiss it better?" She whispered in a tease, running a hand through his hair. Levi cracked a small smile and shook his head in disbelief, wincing as Mrs Billings tugged his leg over to her.
"Holy shit, woman." He hissed.
"Sorry sweetie." Doris replied and Dilan was certain she saw a small smirk on her face.
Mrs Billings was a bad ass.
She folded up the leg of his trousers and unwrapped Hanji's work setting it to the side. Dilan saw the dark purple bruise on his calf, and it looked mother fucking painful. Doris pressed down in some areas to check the effect of the damage and Dilan saw Levi clenching his jaw at the pain. She hugged him and kissed his neck to try and soothe him, feeling Levi relax ever so slightly.
"Hm. Fortunately it's not a terrible break. From what I can tell it won't need resetting. Adequate rest and keeping pressure off the wound and I believe in a few weeks or so, it will be good as new as long as you don't do anything foolish like getting water on the splint? Understand young man?" She asked and Dilan sniggered as Levi frowned, a light pink dusting his cheeks.
He was so adorable when he was embarrassed.
"Yes ma'am." He grumbled. Dilan chuckled, earning herself a glare. Mrs Billings smiled.
"You need to keep the bandages tight and the splint straight or it will heal wrong. Come here, my dear. I'll teach you so you can redo them every day." Doris suggested and Dilan nodded, kneeling down next to her and watching her line up the splint at the right angle, wrapping the bandage around the wood first so it's more comfortable before around the leg tightly. Levi hissed a bit at the harsh pressure, but Dilan laced her hand with his and he relaxed again before she refocused on what Doris was doing.
She tied off the bandage and sighed in content, nodding to herself before trying to stand up again. Dilan helped her, worried about the old woman's back. Doris smiled at her in appreciation, patting her cheek affectionately.
"You are a beautiful couple. I hope you visit again but otherwise, have a wonderful life together." Mrs Billings smiled. Dilan and Levi smiled back.
"Thank you. For everything." Levi replied and Dilan nodded in agreement. She smiled.
"You're welcome, dears. I'll leave you to your peace." She said, walking to the door and opening it in time for an old man to come through holding a tray. Doris kissed him on the cheek, thanking him as he set the tray down in their room. She wrapped her arm around his and smiled at them once more, before walking out of the room, closing the door behind them.
Dilan smiled after them, her heavy heart feeling a tiny bit lighter, despite the darkness that brought them here. She wondered if that could be her and Levi when they were older. Perhaps not a cottage inn but she was sure Levi would get a buzz out of owning a tea shop or something like that. It was nice to think about. Dilan felt Levi take her hand and she looked at him, seeing a small smile on his lips as well. Somehow, she knew he was thinking about the same thing. The same simple future. Dilan lent down to kiss him, stroking the side of his neck.
"What did she leave us?" He asked after she pulled back, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. Dilan let go of him to walk over to the tray, her eyes softened seeing the warm tea and biscuits.
Such a thoughtful woman.
Dilan brought the tea over and they snuggled back up in the covers, drinking tea and finding comfort in each other's arms. It was still devastating and Dilan knew it would be for a long time, but she also knew her family wouldn't want her to destroy herself like she did last time. Dilan wouldn't punish herself this time. She would feel sad and angry but not guilty. When she found a flicker of happiness, she wouldn't push it away. She would allow herself to find comfort in the pleasant moments, knowing while more often than not, those moments wouldn't last, she could enjoy them while they happened.
LEVI'S P.O.V.
After managing to get out of bed, they packed up what little they had and said goodbye to Mrs Billings. They had tried to tip her for her amazing service, but the kind woman wouldn't take it, instead making them promise to come back the next time they wanted a vacation. That had been an easy promise to make. It was clear Dilan enjoyed it there as much as he did.
They got back on the horse, Dilan riding behind him with her arms wrapped around him now that she was of stable mind to keep herself up. Levi knew she was still hurting but she was doing her best not to let the pain consume her. It was clear their time at the cottage had done her good.
Levi was pleased she was feeling a bit better.
They were about to start on the ride home when Levi remembered something, reaching into his bag and pulling out an apple, holding it out for her to take. She looked at it hesitantly and Levi knew she was probably still finding it hard to even think about eating something. He had been the same when his friends died. Dilan had barely managed the tea back in the room, but he needed to make sure she had a bit of food in her system at least.
"I know it probably feels like you can't stomach anything, but could you try? For me?" Levi asked seriously. Dilan's eyes softened and she nodded, taking the apple.
"If you share it with me." She offered. Levi felt his heart warm at her thoughtfulness. He had forgotten about himself in favour of keeping Dilan alive and healthy yet again and he was pretty sure the brat was not going to let that stand any longer. He nodded and took a bite of the apple as Dilan held it out to him. Dilan hesitated before taking a bite herself. He laced his hand with hers and kissed the back of it to show his support, before kicking his horse and they started riding back towards the base. Levi just hoped Dilan would be able to manage when they got there.
DILAN'S P.O.V.
They got back two hours later.
The base looked dark.
Cold.
Empty.
But most of all, quiet. It was the quiet that made Dilan's heart ache. The squad were such loud bright people.
Were.
"Dilan." Levi spoke, snapping her out of her thoughts and she blinked, looking down to see they were already in the stable now. Levi was off the horse, looking at her.
She must have spaced.
"Oh. Sorry." Dilan mumbled, taking his hand and letting him help her down. She suddenly wished they were back at the cottage in Rose. It was so peaceful there, so… normal. Like a temporary break from the pain. Here, they were back to reality. Back to the bad. The world had never looked to colourless.
Was this just it?
Was life just going to keep taking and taking?
She wanted more. More time with them, more happiness. She wanted to see them find their happiness. She wanted to see Petra get married, she wanted to see Eld happy with someone that could give her whole back to him. She wanted to see Gunther find love again. The love he lost at such a young age. She wanted to see Oluo attempt to date properly, and she wanted to be there to console him through his heartbreaks when he inevitably fucks up his relationships.
They were all so young. They barely got to live.
Dilan felt like she had been alive for centuries. If anyone had to go it should have been-
"Hey." Levi said softly, turning her around to look at him. She gazed into his eyes and let out a breath of relief, calming down. Looking at him brightened the world exponentially. He was so perfect. She calmed slightly realising he was her temporary break from the pain. "Lean on me. You promised, remember?" He reminded quietly, stroking her cheek. Dilan lent into the hand, closing her eyes for a moment.
"I love you." She whispered tiredly, the words coming out so naturally. Almost like breathing. She loved him with her whole soul. Every part.
She felt lips press against hers for a moment and all the tension melted out of her body as she lent into him, kissing him back. Levi held her for a moment longer before pulling back and leaning his forehead against hers.
"We just have to get through the day, okay brat?" He replied with a small smile, obviously exhausted too. Dilan managed a weak smile back, nodding in agreement.
"Alright." She breathed, taking his hand. Levi smiled in approval, kissing the side of her head as they walked towards the entrance. Dilan swallowed but managed to hold herself together, focusing on the warm hand holding her own. She would do it with Levi's support, she could do anything with Levi's support.
At least that's what she thought until they made it to the dining hall.
It was so… empty.
"Dil-" Levi tried to lead her away from the haunting sight, but Dilan ignored him, walking inside. It wasn't home but it had been their home for a month. Every mealtime they would all sit here. They would talk, tease, laugh, steal food, complain. Mealtimes were where she felt content. They were annoying sometimes but they were her family and it was breakfast time.
Everyone should be sitting here at the table eating breakfast.
They should… they should be here…
"They're meant to be here, Levi. Breakfast is important. I-If they miss breakfast they could pass out during training." She whispered, looking at each of the empty seats. "Yes, Oluo's the exception to that rule but I think he just passes out to get attention sometimes." She said in a weak voice with a small chuckle. "Such a stupid man. W-why did he talk like that? He sounded nothing like you." She choked, holding a hand over her mouth as she blinked back the tears.
Levi walked over to her wordlessly, wrapping her up in his arms.
"They s-should be here." Dilan whispered again. "Why aren't they here?" She sniffed. Levi stroked her hair, kissing the side of her head.
"Because they were brave. They stood their ground and they fought for what they believed in." Levi said firmly, clearly trying to keep it together for her.
"Was it worth their lives? Is this stupid cause worth all these people?" Dilan asked shakily. Levi sighed, holding her closer.
"I don't know." He admitted. "But I know we have to keep fighting to make it worth it. If we don't make it worth it then they all died in vain." Levi said. Dilan took a breath, finding some comfort in his words.
They weren't powerless. They still had the opportunity to make it worth it.
"We won't give up, okay brat? Not yet." He added.
Dilan hesistated before nodding, her brief stumble over. Levi was there to catch her just like he promised last night. His words and touch were much better than a knife digging into her skin. She was so lucky to have him with her.
"Not yet." She agreed. Levi pulled back to give her a small but encouraging smile, wiping the tears off of her face.
"You okay?" He asked. Dilan nodded, leaning into him.
"One day, I think I could be." She answered truthfully. If she had Levi maybe one day it wouldn't hurt as much as it did right now. "It just sucks. I miss them, I feel like they should still be here." She sighed. Levi gave her a look of understanding and opened his mouth before pausing slightly. "What's wrong?" She asked.
Levi refocused and shook his head slightly.
"Nothing. Come on, Erwin should be here soon. We should get this shit over with." Levi pointed out. Dilan sighed, leaning into him as he put an arm around her, and they started walking again.
They got into the meeting room, which looked a lot like the dining room, just a lot larger. Levi pulled out a chair for her and she smiled at him but rolled her eyes, standing on her toes to push him down into the chair by his shoulders. She hadn't failed to notice his limp, no matter how subtle he was being.
His leg was hurting him.
"Oi." Levi glared, not appreciating the manhandling.
"You're hurt Levi. Mrs Billings said you shouldn't put that much pressure on it." Dilan pointed out. Levi rolled his eyes but cracked a small smile anyway and tugged her closer by her hands so that she was standing in between his legs. Dilan's hands found his hair, stroking her fingers through it gently and Levi melted into her the way he always did. Dilan's heart warmed slightly, enjoying the fact that she could provide him with such a relaxed expression.
"Levi?" Dilan asked after a moment of peaceful silence.
"Hm?" Levi hummed, keeping his eyes closed and appreciating the attention she was giving him.
"Who knows about us?" She asked curiously.
"Basically, the whole regiment." Levi admitted in a tired tone and Dilan's eyes widened.
"What?!" She asked, shocked. Levi opened his eyes to give her a confused look.
"Brat you rode on my horse the whole way back. I kissed you several times and you sat on my lap for a bit. I'm pretty sure everyone who didn't know when it happened, does by now." He shrugged. Dilan blinked at him in surprise. She thought he would be more bothered by this.
"Don't you care?" She asked, tilting her head. Levi offered a small smile, taking her hands.
"No. Who gives a shit anymore? Erwin has bigger things to worry about than our relationship. I don't want to hide it anymore anyway. It's exhausting." He huffed. Dilan cracked a small smile, shaking her head in disbelief.
"It's been three weeks. You haven't had to hide it that long." She pointed out, slightly amused by his impatience. Levi gave her a look.
"I've been hiding it for 7 years, Dil. I don't care about consequences anymore." He said. Dilan guessed she got his point there. And they did have bigger fish to fry. She doubted anyone would bring it up anyway. Levi still terrified most who didn't know him.
And 90% of those who did.
"I get it. If you don't think it'll be a problem, then alright." She replied with a small smile. Levi nodded in approval, tugging her down so she was sitting sideways on his lap.
"Good." He said. Dilan rolled her eyes as he kissed her neck.
"We can't be sitting like this when they come in, regardless of whether we're hiding it or not." She mentioned, secretly enjoying the attention.
"And why's that?" Levi deadpanned.
"Holy shit!" Eren exclaimed as he walked into the room, throwing his hands over his eyes.
Dilan gave Levi an unimpressed look as he smirked, sure the bastard must have seen him coming.
"That's why, asshole." She scowled, flicking him on the forehead and ignoring his glare as she stood up and walked over to Eren. "You can look now, kid." She pointed out. Eren kept his hands right where they were.
"I didn't mean to- I mean I didn't know you two were- are- what? I don't know what I-"
"Oi, Yeager." Levi interrupted in a low voice. Eren tensed.
"Yes sir?" He asked hesitantly.
"Stop fucking rambling. You're giving me a headache." He ordered and Eren flinched, removing his hands from his face.
"Yes sir." He mumbled, looking at his feet as his cheeks reddened.
"Levi." Dilan scolded, to which Levi just shrugged. She rolled her eyes at him. "Sorry Eren, ignore him." Dilan reassured.
Eren nodded silently and Dilan noticed he was avoiding her eyes.
"Kid?" She asked, a sadness filling her heart as Eren's face twisted in guilt. She glanced at Levi and he got the message, but Dilan didn't want him to move and stand on his leg, so she grabbed Eren instead, pulling him out, into the hallway.
Eren still wasn't looking at her.
"I-I'm really sorry. I just... I'm so sorry, Dilan." Eren whispered, shame and guilt in his voice.
Dilan swallowed down her emotion, knowing she had to be strong for him right now.
"Kid, look at me." She said gently, resting her hand on his shoulder. Eren swallowed before looking into her eyes. She offered him a weak but reassuring smile. "It wasn't your fault Eren." She said seriously. She knew guilt when she saw it and Dilan had no intentions of letting this teenager struggle like that. He had been through enough already.
Eren looked at her in shock.
"But Dilan I was there! They told me to leave and-and I did, and I shouldn't have listen to them! If I had just-" His voice wavered with emotion and Dilan's eyes softened in understanding.
She had been there.
"You were right to leave. They were doing their job and so were you. No one blames you, Eren. If you hadn't listened to them, it might have ended up the same or worse. We might have lost you too. Staying alive is nothing to feel guilty about. Understand?" Dilan comforted. Eren let out a shaky breath and looked at his feet.
"I just wish-"
"Don't regret, Eren. When I tell you staying in the past is a bad idea, I speak from experience. Honestly, I'm still struggling with how to deal with grief in healthy ways myself, but I am learning. I hate that you even have to but it's better to learn now than later in this industry. Don't regret, don't feel guilty. You can feel sad and you can wish things were different, but don't wish you did things differently. Okay?" She asked.
Eren looked at her for a moment, before cracking a small but grateful smile.
"I understand." He replied. Dilan nodded in approval; glad he got the message. She pulled him into a hug and Eren sighed, calming down. "Are you okay? I mean I know it's a dumb question but-" Eren cut himself off and sighed. Dilan bit her lip and took a second before answering.
"I'm managing. Don't worry too much about me, okay?" She asked. Eren nodded and hugged her a bit tighter, not being able to do much more to help but Dilan appreciated the support.
She pulled back after a minute and sent him a small smile of encouragement before turning back to the meeting room. Erwin should be here shortly.
She stopped short, feeling Eren tug on the sleeve of her jumper like a small child.
"Dilan?" He asked.
"Yeah?" She replied, tilting her head. Eren averted his eyes slightly.
"I'm really glad you're still here." He admitted and Dilan's eyes softened. She offered another small smile, ruffling the boys fluffy brown locks.
"I'm really glad you're here too, Eren. Come on, lets get out there and make sure you stay here, alright?" She encouraged. Eren smiled and nodded, they walked back into the hall.
The boy took a seat, avoiding Levi's eyes, probably still feeling awkward from walking in on what he did. Dilan chuckled silently and walked over to Levi.
She flicked him on the forehead.
"Oi. Why'd you do that, idiot?" Levi glared as she took a seat beside him. Dilan rolled her eyes. Eren's eyes widened in complete shock that she would do such a thing to the Captain.
"Because, you totally did that on purpose." She accused.
Levi offered a subtle smirk and Dilan frowned at him. The asshole was loving this. She didn't hesitate to flick him on the forehead again.
"Oi dumb brat! What's with the flicking?!" He hissed. Dilan shrugged.
"You looked like you were enjoying yourself too much." She answered flatly. Levi scowled at her and Eren honestly looked concerned for her safety, despite knowing they were together. Although, she wasn't surprised about that. The squad had never seen how her, and Levi really interacted before without filtering themselves.
Dilan supposed they would never get the chance…
Her thoughts were interrupted by the door being slammed open. She blinked, watching Hanji's squad, Erwin, Armin and Mikasa and a few of the other 104th come through.
"Levi, Dilan. Eren." Erwin greeted. Eren looked confused as to why his friends were seated. Dilan was confused too but that wasn't what was on her mind right now.
"I want blood, Erwin." Dilan said dangerously and tension filled the atmosphere, but she didn't give a shit. The idea of avenging them was one of the only things keeping her going right now.
Erwin looked at her with those cold calculating eyes, except this time, she could see the barely concealed anger. He was pissed. Erwin didn't like to lose.
"I intend to give it to you." Erwin replied, equally serious. Dilan stared at him for a moment, needing to make sure he was being genuine before nodding once and crossing her arms.
"Fucking get on with it then." She suggested, ready for the plan. She could feel Levi's worried gaze on her, but she ignored him. Her blood lust was bubbling over. She needed to know there was a plan to fix this.
"Very well. We believe we've uncovered the identity of the female titan." He informed and Dilan's eyes widened a fraction. She didn't expect this so soon, but she certainly was complaining. The sooner they found her; the sooner Dilan could slit her throat. Eren looked shocked while Levi just looked neutral as always, but Dilan could see the curiosity in his eyes.
The blonde bastard had caught their attention.
"She won't slip away this time." He added. Dilan glanced at Levi, suddenly flooded with a wave of relief. He was injured so he couldn't fight. She wouldn't have to worry about losing him too. Of course, he wouldn't be out of the game forever, but right now, it brought her enough reassurance to keep her cool.
Levi looked back at her, obviously concerned. She couldn't blame him really. If she was in his position, then she would be too. He wouldn't be able to protect her from the sidelines.
Everyone took their seats before Erwin continued, explaining the plan.
Apparently, they were going to head into Sina tomorrow, on the premise of returning Eren to the MP's for his execution. Dilan had tensed at the mentioned, glancing over to the kid with worry. Eren looked as collected as he could be, and Dilan was proud of him.
That didn't mean she wasn't freaking out about the idea of losing another loved one. Erwin's plans don't always work out, as demonstrated many times before. What if they were just planning for another failure right now. What if this time Eren died? Or Hanji or Moblit? Mike and Nanaba? Even Jamie, Thomas, Caden and Grace. Were they even still alive? She hadn't had the chance to check on them yet. Did they survive the expedition?
Shit. She was starting to panic.
Dilan felt Levi take her hand and she looked at him, trying to swallow down her emotion. He gave her a look of understanding and a small nod, knowing she needed a moment to compose herself.
He could always read her mind.
Dilan relaxed a bit at the escape, knowing Levi would tell her the plan later, she squeezed his hand in appreciation before getting up and walking away from the discussions. She didn't have much input anyway. All she wanted was to kill the bitch. That didn't need strategy.
Just one clean shot.
On her way out she heard Erwin asking where she was going before Levi told him to drop it and the Commander did. It was weird to think that Erwin could actually listen to them these days. She still hated him, but she had to admit, he wasn't as dicky as he used to be.
Dilan got up to the roof and took a deep breath, relaxing. She stood up on the ledge and walked along, looking down at the long drop. She was reminded of the time after her evaluation 8 years ago. That was the first time Levi saved her life. She wanted to end it that day and she intended on jumping.
But Levi talked her down.
He was terrible at expressing himself back then, especially when trying to convey real emotions. It wasn't necessarily what he said that day but that he cared enough to say it. He cared enough to try. No matter how much he hated her, he still thought she was worth something.
He saved her. He made her care. He gave her a purpose in life.
He became that purpose.
Dilan sighed and took a seat over the edge, bringing her legs up to her chest. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
She wasn't sure how long she stayed up there but after probably about an hour or two she heard the door to the roof opening. She didn't turn around, not needing to. Dilan breathed out, finally relaxing properly as Levi sat down behind her on the ledge, legs either side of her. He kissed the side of her head and wrapped his arms around her waist. Dilan lent her head back, melting into him. She closed her eyes and sighed, feeling a lot better. While the cold air did well to calm her down, she had been getting a bit chilly. Levi's body heat was much appreciated right now.
The man was always so freaking warm.
They stayed like that for a minute. He didn't ask her if she was okay and Dilan didn't expect him to. They both felt like shit, they were doing the best they could. At least they had each other to lean on.
"Okay, you can tell me about the plan now." Dilan sighed, knowing they had to get back to reality eventually. Levi kissed the side of her face.
"Sure? We have time." He replied. Dilan cracked a small smile, locking her hand with his and turning her head slightly to press a kiss to his neck. While she appreciated it, she had probably been up here too long anyway.
"I'm sure." She reassured. Levi nodded, squeezing her hand before explaining.
"The target is Annie Leonhardt. She's a classmate of Erens." Levi informed. Dilan's eyes widened a fraction.
"I bet Eren wasn't happy about that." She pointed out. Levi sighed, stroking some hair behind her ear.
"No, he doesn't believe it's really her." Levi said. Dilan hummed in understanding. It's a hard pill to swallow, learning someone you've known forever betrayed you. Someone you trusted. It was something they had experience before with Stacy, even if she did make it up to them.
"But he's still going along with the plan." Dilan deduced. Levi nodded.
"Mostly to prove Erwin and the Arlet kid wrong, if anything. But he's in. Tomorrow Armin will get Annie alone and ask her to help him get Eren out of the capital until the scouts can buy some time to prove humanity still needs him. They'll lead her to a tunnel. If she goes in, she's most likely clear but they'll be men to take her in for questioning anyway. If she doesn't…" Levi explained, and Dilan nodded in understanding. If Leonhart was a titan, then she wouldn't go somewhere that would restrict her abilities and put her in a tight spot so she wouldn't be able to transform and protect herself.
"Understood. Where will you be?" Dilan asked, turning her head to look at him.
"I'll be with Erwin in the cart. Tch, fucking stupid. There's no reason why I shouldn't fight." He mumbled stubbornly. Dilan rolled her eyes, gently smoothing her hand along his thigh and giving him a look.
"Really?" She deadpanned. Levi remained stubborn so Dilan added a little more pressure and he winced.
"Shit Dil." He glared. Dilan sighed as she rubbed his leg gently again, erasing the pain she created.
"You need to look after yourself, Levi. Promise me you'll stay out of the fight tomorrow." She asked seriously. Levi hesitated. "Please. I really need to hear you say it, I won't be able to focus." She said quietly, her voice wavering slightly. Levi's eyes softened slightly, seeing how scared she was and pulled her closer to him, kissing her gently. Dilan relaxed a bit but pulled away to look at him expectantly, cupping his face.
"I promise." He agreed, putting her nerves at ease. Dilan breathed out in relief, leaning her head into the crook of his neck. Levi wrapped his arms around her. "You have to be careful out there tomorrow too, Dil. I… I can't…" Levi swallowed, trying to keep his emotions in check. Dilan kissed his neck.
"I promise I'll be careful." She reassured and Levi relaxed a bit.
There was a moment of content before Levi spoke again.
"Come on, brat." He sighed, starting to pull away. Dilan tilted her head, confused.
"Where are we going?" She asked as Levi stood and took her hands, helping her up.
"Erwin's still downstairs. He wanted to talk to you about something." Levi shrugged.
"And you've just been making him wait this whole time?" She asked. Levi nodded.
Dilan cracked a smirk and huffed out a small laugh.
"This is why I love you." She said and Levi chuckled, taking her hand as they walked back downstairs.
When they got back into the meeting room everyone was gone except Erwin. Dilan saw him look up at them, his icy eyes glancing down at their interlocked hands.
"Say anything and I will slit your throat." Dilan warned and Erwin cracked a small smile.
"Noted." He replied and Dilan nodded in approval, noticing Levi barely concealing a smirk as they both sat down.
"What?" Dilan asked, wanting to get this over with. Erwin glanced at Levi before back at her.
"Maybe we should talk alone-"
"Yeah, like that's happening. Levi stays, just spit it out." Dilan cut him off, not in the mood for his manipulations. Besides, she needed Levi with her. Erwin frowned slightly but sighed in defeat.
"Well first, I wanted to apologise." He said and their eyes widened slightly. "I made the wrong call strategically. That decision lead to a lot of death and affected you personally so... I'm sorry." He explained. Dilan felt a sharp tug on her heart at the mention but remained strong.
"Sorry doesn't bring them back Erwin." She countered bitterly. Erwin sighed.
"I'm aware. We can't alter the past. But we can change the future. Dilan I want to promote you." He informed and Dilan's eyes widened, glancing at Levi. He was frowning, looking at Erwin curiously.
"To what?" He asked, obviously protective. Neither of them could deal with being separated right now. Erwin glanced at him before back at Dilan.
"To my head strategist. Technically it wont change your title, only give you more power and responsibility." He explained. Dilan furrowed her eyebrows.
"You want me… to help you make decisions?" She asked slowly in a sceptical tone. Erwin chuckled.
"Rather surprising, I know. It was Hanji's idea actually. You have a way of thinking that has always impressed me, despite our differences. These next few weeks will be crucial in the fight. I could use some of your quick thinking." He said seriously, looking at her.
Dilan didn't know how to respond. All she could think about was whether she could last 5 minutes in a room alone with Erwin without beating him to a pulp.
"You don't have to answer now but think about it. You could make a real difference." He pointed out. Dilan hesistated before nodding that she'd think about it.
"That all?" Levi asked. Erwin shook his head.
"I want to give you a squad." He said straight up, and Dilan's eyes widened, gripping Levi's hand tighter.
"Erwin-" Levi started, immediately on the defence for her. She wasn't mentally stable enough to have lives assigned to her right now. To be in charge of real people that could live or die depending on her orders.
"This is not an order so both of you can calm down. If I have learnt anything from the past 8 years, it's that ordering either of you to do anything you don't want to, doesn't go well." He pointed out.
Levi glared at him but didn't respond, so Erwin continued, looking to Dilan again.
"With Levi out of commission for the time being I need you to step up as my most capable soldier. You'll need to be there for Eren, keep him on track, keep him safe. There's a solid chance that if plan A doesn't work, Eren will have to transform. Soldiers will look to you, Major. Regardless of whether you have your own squad of trusted comrades to help you out tomorrow, soldiers will turn to you for orders, for guidance. I'm aware of the grief you are going through but having people tomorrow in the chaos to rely on will give you a better chance of getting the blood you want. Are we in an understanding?" Erwin asked seriously.
Dilan looked at him, mulling over his words. He was making sense. It fucking terrified her but he was making sense. As Major… as the Titan Ripper, people were going to rely on her tomorrow. Despite her personal issues, she needed to put the mission first. They had to win this fight. Having a squad will put her at a better advantage out there.
That was undebatable.
"Fine." She agreed. Levi looked at her with concern.
"Dil, you don't have to-"
"I'm okay. He's right." Dilan reassured, looking at him. Levi observed her for a second, satisfied that she wasn't freaking out too badly.
"Very well. Anyone in mind?" Erwin asked. Dilan thought for a moment. She hated to put them in danger, but they were her best soldiers on the wall. Her most trusted soldiers. They followed orders wordlessly and she could rely on them to do their best not to die tomorrow. They had survived 3 years on the wall after all.
"Jamie Yuma, Caden Petri, Thomas Bills and Grace Thorns." Dilan forced herself to say and Levi squeezed her hand for support while Erwin made a note of the names.
"They will be located, briefed and brought here first thing tomorrow." He informed, standing. Dilan swallowed and nodded as both her and Levi stood too. "I'm trusting you, Major." Erwin said seriously.
"And I am trusting you. Don't make me regret it, Erwin." She replied, equally serious. Erwin nodded once before turning to leave.
Dilan sighed as the door closed and they were alone again. She moved into Levi's arms wordlessly and he held her close. They couldn't do much more. Tomorrow would be hell.
"We should probably eat something." Levi mumbled. Dilan sighed, knowing he was right.
"Okay." She agreed quietly, hoping she would be able to stomach it. Levi kissed her forehead before taking her hand and leading them towards the kitchens.
LEVI'S P.O.V.
The day was a hard one. Dilan had more than a few stumbles, but Levi was there for her every single time. He had even had a moment himself when he saw the training field. Dilan was right. It felt like they should be here. He felt the guilt hard in that moment. It was his job to protect them and he failed. Dilan noticed him struggling immediately and helped him through it too.
He and the squad may not have been friends or relatively close and they annoyed the hell out of him more often than not, but they were something of a family to him too.
It didn't feel right that they were just gone.
They had the castle to themselves as Eren was off with his friends, spending time with them before tomorrow. Hanji was finalising the plans with Erwin.
It was empty. Too empty.
But they got through it the best they could. They made sandwiches for lunch and Dilan managed to eat half of hers. Levi was proud of her for trying. After lunch they went for a walk. Levi thought it would be good for her to get out of the castle. They ended up by the same cliff they went to last time they went on a walk. It was weird how long ago that felt. So much had changed since that moment.
The time by the cliff was good for them. They didn't talk much but they didn't need to either.
Having each other there was enough.
But eventually it started getting dark and they had to pick themselves up again. After getting back Levi had suggested she try some dinner but Dilan admitted she wasn't in the mood and that he should eat without her. Levi was hesistant but she promised to have breakfast so he let it slide this time.
When they got into Levi's room they both sighed and fell back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"Today was hard." Dilan mumbled with a sigh, rolling over onto her side and cuddling into him. Levi wrapped an arm around her, pressing a kiss to her head.
"I know, but I'm proud of you. You got through it, the healthy way." Levi pointed out, meaning it. He was sure there had been a fair few times today when she wanted to cut but she pushed past it.
Dilan sat up a bit to look at him, brushing some hair away from his eyes.
"Thank you for helping me." She said softly. Levi gave her a small smile, kissing her hand.
"I'll always help you, brat. You don't have to thank me." He replied. Dilan's eyes softened and she looked at him for a moment longer before leaning down to put her lips on his. Levi kissed her for a moment before Dilan pulled back and snuggled into his shoulder, completely exhausted.
"Do you think it will ever get easier?" Dilan whispered. "Loosing people, I mean." She claified. Levi's eyes widened a fraction, getting the meaning behind her words.
She didn't think the squad were going to be the last to die in this war. And Levi knew she was right.
"No, I don't think it will." Levi replied truthfully, stroking her hair. Dilan sighed shakily.
"W-what do we do then? I don't want to keep breaking." She mumbled, sniffing. Levi pulled her back to look her in her fiery eyes. He offered a small comforting smile.
"We do our best, we support each other. We take it day by day, okay brat?" Levi reassured, watching Dilan's eyes soften in relief.
"I wish I could be as strong as you are…" She mumbled, stroking his cheek. Levi gave her a small playful eyeroll.
"I'm not strong, brat. Any strength I have, you give me." He replied and Dilan smiled gently, the sight effectively warming his heart. She kissed him for a moment before they broke apart and got ready for bed before snuggling up warm in the covers. Dilan was burrowed into his side like always and Levi observed the sad yet content expression on her face with relief, stroking her cheekbone. He was happy she was managing for the moment. He was proud of her for facing her demons head on.
Because she was stronger than him, stronger than anyone he knew, and Dilan just couldn't see it. No matter how many times she's knocked down, no matter how many times she gets pushed into the dirt, she always gets back up again. Because despite everything cruel in this world, despite every dark instinct that tells her to end her suffering… deep down she still wants to live.
She wants to keep fighting.
Leaning on him doesn't make her weak like she thinks. It's the fact that she has the resilience to keep going, to accept that hand up along the way, that makes her strong. Stronger than he'll ever be. He wasn't lying before. Any strength he had, is thanks to her.
Levi sighed, threading his fingers through her long black hair as Dilan closed her eyes and started to drift.
Tomorrow will be hell.
Especially considering he won't be able to protect her.
Levi felt a sharp pang of fear hit his gut and he looked at Dilan's face for reassurance. He wouldn't think about tomorrow now. There was nothing he could do, and it would only ruin the peaceful moment. He sighed and sunk into the covers, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his chin on the top of her head as Dilan pressed her face into his neck. Stroking her hair, he held her a bit tighter subconsciously.
"We'll be okay." Dilan mumbled and Levi's eyes widened a fraction. Whether she had sensed his distress or was simply talking to herself, the words soothed him. He chose to believe her statement. They would be okay.
Maybe if he believed it enough, it would just come true.
A/N: Hey guys! Another chapter done.
Some more angst in this one but we had some nice moments too. Mrs Billings is a legend. The only one in the walls with the guts to scold Humanities Strongest without fear of consequences, lol. The time at the cottage was good for Dilan. It helped her remember that the squad wouldnt want her to punish herself like she did last time. She essentially was punishing herself for staying alive because she felt guilty just like she told Eren. But this time is going to go differently. Levi will do everything he can to ensure this. It's time Dilan learns how to grieve the healthy way. Isolated from a young age, she had no idea how to deal with her feelings when her brother died, which was what led her to cutting. When Mike's squad died, the guilt isolated her from Levi and she had no other way to deal with it again. But this time she has people she can go to. She can start learning how to heal the right way.
Better late than never.
We have another chapter before the battle of Sina. Our pals from the wall are making a comeback in the story. I always wanted to reintroduce them and heres my chance. I'm almost as scared as Dilan. Hopefully these guys will make it. Fingers crossed anyway.
Dilan was also promoted again. Will she accept that promotion? We aren't sure yet.
I also wanted to point out that the Sina fight is going to be a lot more badass Dilan than the expedition fight. I made that fight a lot more mellow and sticking to the script for a couple reasons. 1. Dilan just found out the squad died and was pretty much out of it. 2. If Dilan went badass like she normally does, there's no way that Annie would have escaped with her life and I don't think I should alter the timeline that dramatically, lol. My main point is that Dil won't be held back this fight.
She wants revenge.
Thanks for all your support guys! Last week was hard but I got through it and I'm feeling a bit better. Your comments really helped and I really appreciate that you take the time to respond to not only my story but my A/N ramblings at the bottom, lol. I love you guys! X
Bernard.f: Hey! Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked the chapter! I get what you said about that part of the story. I, myself, have read a pile of AOT (Levi specific) fan-fiction since lockdown and while it was one of the things that got me through, it did get repetitive sometimes. I was hoping to write it a bit different but I also wanted to stick to how things go in this part of the story. It gives me free range on the next battle, in my opinion. I'm going to go full out. Release all of my crazy writers ideas. And thanks for saying it's okay to vent. It mean't a lot. I hope you're well! Thanks for reading and following along all this time!
vain-gl0ry: Thanks for understanding about my uploading pace slowing down. I love uploading and I wish I had more time again but I'm also pretty glad that things are starting to get back to normal and that I have things to do, even if school is a drag sometimes. It's probably best that I don't sit on my bed writing until like 3 am every night, right? Lmao, I have no regrets. This story really got me through. The last chapter did have a lot of angst in it. It was hard for me to write and I just hate how broken they are. But I hope this chapter was a tiny bit lighter. Not by much but baby steps right? They arent going to heal just because they want to. There are going to be bumps along the road but as long as they stay on the right path, they should be fine. At least Dilan's realised she doesn't need to punish herself to ease the guilt. And Levi's starting to realise he doesn't need to bear all the pain by himself. Dilan isnt going to let him. They need to support each other just like you said. One more chapter and then the Sina battle. Things will start to pick up a bit now. Thanks for reading and commenting!
sobado: Hey! The sadness was a lot. I really wish the squad lasted longer in the story, we've lost a lot of good characters. But I'm hoping to have Dilan connect with a lot of the 104th. She's already bonded with Eren obviously and in part with Armin (the whole grandpa thing) but I'd like her and Mikasa to make up too and put the whole 'Eren trial' thing behind them. And obviously and I want her to have some interactions with the dumbass trio of Jean, Connie and Sasha. I've always loved their characters so yeah. We'll see what happens. And as mentioned in this chapter, the wall characters are making a comeback. So while the squad can't be replaced and will be missed, the amount of characters in this story is going to build up a bit more again. And I wanted to thank you for being so understanding. I've actually never felt pressured to upload by my readers. You're all so great! I love uploading, it just gets hard to keep up with the pace I'd like to upload at with everything in my life right now. I guess if anyone puts pressure on me to upload, it's myself, lol. I honestly love talking to you and everyone else too. You're all so amazing at motivating me. With writing the story and just general life stuff. It means a lot that I can rant here about shit going on and feel comfortable. And that really is thanks to you and all my other readers. I love you guys too!
Mia: Hi! Thanks for understanding. I agree, it's really comforting to know the internet can be a refuge. I know this site saved me from months of boredom and writing this story and talking to all of you guys really helped me stay sane, lol. And in response to the story part of your comment, I agree Levi had it rough last chapter. Dealing with the guilt and grief of losing his squad while looking after Dilan was hard for him but we see the scales evening out a bit this Chapter. Dilan had more control of herself this chapter and took care of Levi as much as he was taking care of her. Dilan isn't just going to accept the help without offering any effort back. She's not that type of person. They are both holding themselves together for the other. They'll be able to get through this with each other's support. Thanks for commenting! Hope you're well!
