AN: This is eventually going to be part of a bigger chapter fic thatI plan on writting eventually, but it could be years before that project gets underway, soI figured I'd post the section that was so vivid in my mindI couldnt help but write it. This is Slash, M/M, so if you dont like it then go away. Please leave a comment!
As Good As Now
"Can I join you?"
The voice startled Cam out of his thoughts, and he looked up at the intruder at the edge of the clearing. Through the darkness he could make out the red trim on his training uniform. The Crimson badge flashed at him in the moonlight. There was no doubt that the voice belonged to Hunter.
Cam didn't dare look at his face, far too embarrassed. He had been every time he was in his presence. He was too afraid the Crimson ranger would look at him the same way he had that day in the training room; shocked, and lustful.
I'm not gay.
Watching Hunter standing there, he couldn't keep the thought out of his mind. He had lied. Well, he hadn't really lied. He just hadn't told the truth. The whole truth, that is. And it had been eating at him ever since. Hunter deserved the truth, but Cam wasn't sure he could give it to him.
He glanced around the empty clearing, staring at the pond not 10 feet away. He'd never felt so empty. He couldn't explain it. All he really knew was that when he was with Hunter, and just him, he felt better. He didn't know how else to describe it. He just felt better. And maybe if he could capture that feeling for an hour or two, it was worth the risk of speaking.
I'm not gay.
He needed to talk to Hunter. Really talk to him. He needed to tell him the truth. Now was as good a time as any.
"Sure. Pull up a tree." He said quietly, his voice breaking into the silence they shared so easily.
Hunter took a few small steps toward him and sat down next to him. Their shoulders were barely touching, and already Cam felt calmer. They sat in the silence, and Cam sensed that Hunter was enjoying the calm that washed over them when they touched as much as he was.
Now it was calm. A few days ago it was fire. The feel of Hunter's hand on the back of his neck, the tension of their bodies pressed together, their hands entwined, Hunters breathe on his neck… it sent a shiver down his spine.
"Cam?" Hunter's tentative voice broke his thoughts again, and Cam looked over at him for the first time. "Look, about the other day…" he paused for a minute, maybe waiting to see if Cam would interrupt him.
He didn't.
"I didn't mean to… pressure you. I just… I don't know what happened. But I'm really sorry. If you want, we can just forget the whole thing. Be friends again." He looked at him imploringly, and Cam couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.
"Were we ever friends?" He thought out loud. The look on Hunter's face was hurt, but it faded away in a flash to something less readable.
"At least we could be in a room together." He said gently, starring at his fidgeting hands.
Cam stared at him. The moon made the curves of his face stand out more than usual, and it reflected off his blonde hair brightly, making it silver in color. Cam couldn't remember them ever exchanging more than what they needed to say. Their friendship had started with Hunter taking him captive and kidnapping his father. After that, the road had been bumpy to say the least. Friends was a stretch.
They sighed at the same time, and this brought a grin to Hunters lips, an expression Cam enjoyed much more than his serious expression from moments ago.
"We could be friends. We've just never tried." Hunter mused out loud. He was right there.
Cam shook his head. "I can't forget about it. I wish it were that easy." His voice was caught in his throat somewhere, and when it came out it was barely above a whisper. Hunter looked over at him, and Cam found he couldn't look him in the eye.
I'm not gay!
The thought jumped in his mind again, and he closed his eyes.
He reached out to place his hand over Hunter's without thinking, and Hunter eyes sought his. They locked as Cam felt his breathing getting heavier. He didn't know what he was doing, and he didn't know why, he just knew that he wanted to. So when Hunter reached for him, he didn't resist. It was a hungry embrace, sparked by adrenaline from moments before.
Cam pushed Hunter back, lying on top of him as their kiss sent fire through his body. He was unable to think, unable to breath and he didn't care. He'd never felt more at home than he did right now, trapped in Hunters embrace, their lips locked to one another.
And that scared him. He jolted back, pulling away from Hunter, but Hunter sat up with him, mumbling something that sounded like "please don't go".
Hunter pulled their lips back together, in a desperate need to hold onto the rush of feelings. Cam complied for only a moment more, finally breaking their kiss and turning his head. He didn't pull away this time, didn't even move as Hunter's head smashed into his neck, his rapid breathing tingling Cam's neck wonderfully. Hunter pulled away from him slowly, giving him a questioning look.
Fighting what his body wanted, Cam spoke quietly, his voice nearly betraying him. "Please, Hunter. Don't. I'm not even… I'm not gay."
Hunter had watched him for a moment as he spoke, but Cam didn't dare look at him. He could feel the heavy wash of emotion that swept over Hunter at Cam's words, and it didn't feel good. It was the worst feeling he'd ever had.
"Could have fooled me."
Cam snapped his eyes open. He didn't dare show Hunter the look that was probably on his face right now. He kept his gaze focused straight ahead. It was Hunter who broke the silence once more.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say." Hunter sounded distant, his voice littered with regret.
Cam took a deep breath. He shouldn't have lied. He shouldn't have been so damned afraid of his own feelings. How was he ever going to make this right?
"I do." He answered Hunter's statement, and Hunter turned to look at him. "I… the other day… I shouldn't have…" He took a breath and started over. "I shouldn't have lied to you. I mean… I didn't lie, per say, I just didn't say what I should have."
Hunter raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay…" His voice was confused, and Cam tried again.
"I'm not gay." He said it aloud this time. Hunter nodded and looked away from him.
"Okay." He answered, and he looked as thought he was going to leave.
"I'm just… completely in love with you." He said slowly, taking time with each word. Hunter turned a shocked look in his direction. This time, Cam didn't break his gaze. He stared back at him, waiting to see what kind of hell he had just created.
It was the longest moment of his live, he was sure. Watching Hunter look at him like that, knowing he'd just ruined whatever chanced they had for a friendship, but not sure what other kind of chanced he had created.
Finally, Hunter let out a puff of amusement. Cam let out a breathe he didn't realize he'd been holding as Hunter broke their gaze and looked towards the edge of the clearing. For a split second, he was afraid Hunter was going to leave.
But then Hunter turned back to him with a grin, and reached out to cup Cam's face with his hand. Cam waited as Hunter pulled them close together, and then Cam made the final move, locking their lips once more.
At that simple touch, everything twisted and turned and he was upside-down and floating all at the same time. And everything was right with his world.
Hunter's other arm went over Cam's shoulders, and Cam reached out to wrap an arm around Hunter's waist, using the other to prop himself up. Whereas their previous kiss had been hungry and filled with adrenaline, this one was soft and filled with something much deeper. Cam couldn't remember ever wanting to stay in another place as much as he wanted to stay here. And while that scared the crap out of him, knowing that he relied so fully on someone else for his own happiness, it also made him glad he wasn't alone anymore.
They kissed for what felt like hours and seconds at the same time before Hunter finally pulled away from him. Cam searched his face and could find nothing but content. He felt as though a weight had been lifted inside his mind, and for the first time in days he was happy to just stop thinking and close his eyes.
And he did just that. He laid his head down on Hunters shoulder and buried his face in his neck. He felt Hunter heave a happy sigh, and slowly Hunter leaned back again the tree they'd been sitting against. He kept his protective arm around Cam's shoulders, and rested his other on the arm Cam had draped across his stomach. Cam let out a happy breath against Hunters neck, and he felt Hunter lean his head against his own.
They didn't say anything else, but Cam squeezed Hunter's side a little in thanks, and Hunter squeezed his arm back. He was totally and utterly content.
He wasn't sure what was going to happen when they would have to move, and right now he didn't care. He would stay right here for the rest of his life if Hunter wanted him to. If Hunter wanted him to. He smiled, and closed his eyes at last.
Now was as good a time as any for being in love.
