Chapter 5: We Need To Talk

Headington School Leavers Ball, Oxford
July 2002

After spending ten minutes listening to Onslow discuss particle physics, half of which he hadn't even understood, Darcy was feeling mortified. He couldn't believe he had let a first impression and a bad mood take him over again.

Mrs Bennet had assured him, in a whisper, that these were their less fortunate relations, though of course she loved them. Apparently she also had a sister named Violet, with a swimming pool and room for a pony. He was ashamed that she felt the need to justify her family to him. He knew his grandmother would be disgusted with his snobbery, however much Aunt Victoria would agree.

-x-

Lizzy was fuming. Hadn't she told Jane? Here was proof that she shouldn't have trusted Darcy after all. She should have stuck with her first impression. She ignored him until the car dropped them off at the hotel, and Darcy pulled her aside.

"Lizzy, can I speak to you?"

"I'm surprised you can lower yourself to speak to a Clampett. You're unbelievable! This is exactly what you were like the first time we met. Rude, arrogant, thinking you're so special…"

"I'm so sorry. I was and am a complete idiot! Your aunt was lovely. And your uncle is obviously very intelligent."

"...and you're going to try to justify your... wait, what?"

"I said I'm sorry. I was wrong. Your family are great. I shouldn't have judged them without knowing them. Or been so rude as to say what I said out loud."

"No, you shouldn't." Her arms stayed folded, and her face was not welcoming.

"I know. I'm a complete idiot. I should have learned from the first time I was so rude."

Darcy had now fully recalled exactly how disparaging he had been when he first met Lizzy, and why. He was thanking his lucky stars that she had heard so little of his true thoughts, because what she had heard was bad enough. He felt sick even thinking about her knowing. It was a huge wake up call to his behaviour.

"Yes, you should." Her eyebrow had raised, and though she still looked annoyed, he knew that was a good sign.

"I have a really bad habit of saying stupid things when I'm grumpy."

"Have you never heard your college motto? Or your school motto, come to that?"

He looked embarrassed. "Manners Makyth Man?"

"Exactly. You need to learn some! And what do you have to be grumpy about anyway? It's a party! And you had just been eating ice-cream the first time we met."

He laughed. "You make a good point. Can we maybe go sit somewhere quiet and I can explain myself? If you're still annoyed with me, which you have every right to be, I'll leave and let you enjoy your night."

Lizzy agreed and so he sat down and told her things he had never told anyone else. She already knew his parents had died, and that he lived with his mother's sister, Victoria; but now he was honest about how difficult it had been to adjust to his aunt's high expectations. Victoria was extremely proud of her established, academic family, and had never really accepted his Dad, who had much poorer roots despite being a doctor. She was always clashing with his father's family, especially his grandmother, who was working class and proud of it. Starting Winchester has been a very low point in his life; he had hated being away from Georgie, and he felt all the pressure of being a Scholar and proving himself to some of the poshest boys in the country. He explained that while he hated Victoria's snobbery, he also found himself trying to live up to it, and on occasion even repeating it, as he had tonight.

"I know that all sounds like a justification, but it's not. I just want you to know that I don't like that part of myself, and it's a part that comes out when I'm unhappy. I know I need to stop doing it."

She took his hand. "Why were you unhappy tonight?"

"When your Mum was talking about Pride and Prejudice, I could see you withdrawing, and I panicked. You must know how much I like you Lizzy, and I hate that you won't give me a chance because of my name."

She knew he was right. Lizzy was self aware, regardless of what she told others. Of course she had known about his feelings, and she even realised she had feelings in return. She also knew she was scared, and why. It was so much easier to keep Will as a friend than to take a risk.

"It's not just because of that."

"I know. And I promise I'll do better. But I can't change my name."

She sighed. "Will... this is really hard for me. Weren't you bullied because of it?"

"Of course I was. You've met Richard. And he's pretty tame, really."

"Then why don't you understand?! I've been plagued my whole life about Elizabeth Bennet, not just at school, but at home too. I want to be my own person and how can I do that if I'm with you? We would never, ever hear the end of it!"

"I do understand. I just see it differently. You are one of the only people I know who could possibly understand what it's like to live with this name. Why wouldn't I want to be with someone who can really appreciate what it's like? We're going to be teased anyway, why not be teased together?"

She sniffled a little, but still managed to cheekily ask "So you just like me for my name, then?"

"Lizzy..." he breathed, cupping her cheek in his hand. "I think you are beautiful and funny and clever. We always have something to talk about, or fight about." She huffed a laugh. "You can tease me out of the grumpiest of moods. I'm happy just being around you, even when we're sitting in complete silence. I don't just like you, I love you."

She gasped and pulled back, and he let his hand drop from her face.

"You love me?"

"Yes."

"I, I... Will... I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. I realise you don't feel the same way. I've been hanging around accepting friendship when I've wanted more, but that's not fair on either of us. I think it's time to be honest. I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend. I don't want to miss this chance because of a stupid book. But if it's not about our names, if you really don't want me like that, then I'll understand. I hope that we can still be friends."

He wasn't sure that he could just be her friend actually, but he knew if he pushed her too hard he would lose her completely. And it wasn't fair to give her an ultimatum; it had to be her choice.

"I need to think." Or rather, she needed to slow down her whirring thoughts and work out what she truly felt.

"Of course. I can give you time. I'd rather a maybe than a no."

Lizzy at least knew that she didn't want to lose him. She took his hand and smiled at him. "Ok, Will. Maybe."

He beamed back.

"Can we go dance now?"

"You still want me to come?"

"Of course. We're still friends aren't we? I was quite looking forward to this until Mum started."

"Wow, such enthusiasm."

"I reserve enthusiasm until after I see what my dance partner is made of."

"I'll have you know I can bust a move with the best of them!"

"Bust a move!" She almost snorted in laughter, and she was still laughing (as Darcy intended) when they got to the dance floor just in time for the new Nelly track to begin.

Jane sent a smug look towards Lizzy and Darcy's joined hands, before motioning them over to dance. Lizzy was already feeling pretty flustered, and the lyrics were not helping. It was a bit hot in herre, actually. She couldn't look Darcy or Jane in the eye. Could this be any more awkward? Then the first bars to 'Can't Fight the Moonlight' began to play and around them, couples began to pair off. Lizzy cursed her luck.

"Will you dance with me?" Darcy held out his hand. "Aunt Victoria got me lessons, I should really use them."

She laughed and placed one hand in his, the other on his shoulder, feeling a tingling in her side as he encircled her waist. They moved to the music, not speaking. She laid her head on his shoulder and she thought he might have sniffed her hair. She couldn't deny that this felt right.

"Will?" She lifted her head. He looked down at her, and she could see the affection in his big brown eyes. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For what you said. I still need to sort some things out in my own head, but I wanted you to know, what you said was lovely."

"I meant it."

"I know. And thank you for now too. For not pressuring me."

"You're welcome." He pushed her head back on his shoulder and they finished the dance in silence, both feeling more at peace than they had in a long time. Lizzy wasn't one to change her mind quickly, but she had begun to realise that this might be more a case of acknowledging her mind. Darcy simply felt hope.

xXx

Headington, Oxford
Late July 2002

The fortnight after the Leaver's Ball was hectic for Lizzy. Both her and Jane were caught up in the end of school celebrations. It was hard to say goodbye to their boarding friends, knowing they wouldn't be back together next term. Lizzy was sad, but she found herself far more preoccupied with thoughts of Darcy than of this huge change in her life. He had taken his grandmother up to Shrewsbury to visit family, and she was missing him terribly. His uncle didn't have the internet so they hadn't been on Messenger as usual. She was getting a taste of what life would be like without him, and it had finally made up her mind.

xXx

MSN Messenger
August 2002

Darcy is online.

LizzyB: The wanderer returns. I have some bad news from college.

Darcy is typing.

Darcy is offline.

Shit!

Darcy is online.

Oh thank god! Don't log off! She typed quickly.

LizzyB: Were you going to avoid me?!

Darcy: Sorry, bad connection. Is this about the college dad thing?

LizzyB: Yes!

Darcy: You don't want me to be your college dad? :(

Darcy is typing.

LizzyB: I just thought it's kind of awkward to be your girlfriend AND your daughter ;)

Darcy is offline.

Oh come on! Lizzy almost screamed in frustration. Then her phone rang.

"Lizzy?"

"Will!"

"I'm sorry, my connection is rubbish. Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" she teased.

"Lizzy!"

"Yes. If you'll still have me?"

"If I'll still...?!" He laughed. "What changed your mind?"

"Turns out I miss you when you go away."

"I should have tried that months ago!"

"So you're happy?"

"Very." I fact he was doing a victory dance, but Lizzy didn't need to know all his secrets. "Can I come see you? I have Georgie today, though."

"How about I bring Thomas and we meet you at G&Ds? Isn't that where you go to celebrate? Plus, the kids will love us!"

"Half an hour?" Darcy had been very patient this year, but he had just reached his limit.

"Give me the full hour."

"I can't wait."

"Bye"

Lizzy put down the phone smiling. Darcy shouted "Yes!" so loudly he woke his grandmother, who had been napping on the sofa.

Xxx

G&Ds, Little Clarendon St, Oxford
An hour later

"Lizzy! Thomas!" screamed Georgie

"Hello Georgie, are you ready for some ice-cream?"

"Yes! Thomas, come choose!" Georgie grabbed his hand and they ran to the display.

"Careful!" called Darcy, before turning to Lizzy, who had suddenly come over quite shy. "Hello you."

"Hi"

He held out his hand, and she took it. They stood smiling at each other, possibly a little stupidly.

"Lizzy, come on!" Thomas was back. He looked at them quizzically; "Why are you holding Will's hand?"

"Erm, because..." Darcy started.

"Because he's my boyfriend," Lizzy interrupted, "and that's what you do with your boyfriend."

"Ugh," groaned Thomas, "are you going to be all smoochy like Jane and Jamie?"

"They're gross." he informed Georgie.

"We'll try not to put you off your ice-cream," laughed Lizzy. Darcy was too busy staring at her to respond.

"You might not be smoochy Lizzy, but Will is being soppy already!" Georgie said flatly. "It's because he's a boy. My friend Harriet says boys are stupid."

She added "Except you, Thomas." before he could protest.

Will came out of his daze. "Well if I'm so stupid, maybe you don't want me to buy you an ice-cream."

"Lizzy's going to get me one!" Georgie stuck her tongue out at her brother. "She has to get on my good side, if she wants to be your girlfriend!" Lizzy and Will didn't know whether to laugh or tell her off. "You'll have to buy Thomas one though Will, and if you really want on his good side I'd get him a brownie too!"

They chose laughter. And brownies for everyone, though it was a little hard to eat holding hands.

xXx

Author's note: Why yes, I did choose Darcy's school and college specifically so I could use that line... not even sorry :)