Chapter 13: Dilemma

Oxford

April 2004

This was it. Will's dissertation was complete, his research projects over, and his lab work at an end. All that was left were his finals. It was hard to believe that this was the end of his Oxford career; it had speed past. And he still didn't know what he wanted to do. Between the exams and his anxiety over the future, he was finding it almost impossible to sleep.

"I thought you'd decided to get a job as a consultant?"

He had come to this conclusion because it would be the easiest way to control his hours and where he would live, which was important to his plan to take over guardianship of Georgie on his twenty-first birthday.

"I've changed my mind again," he sighed.

"So it's back to research?"

"No, I don't know… I don't think I want to do that either."

"Do you need to decide right away? Can't you just get through your finals first?"

"But then it'll be too late to apply for things."

"I'm sure it won't. And even if it is, there's always next year."

He sighed again, so deeply it seemed like it came from his soul.

"Will… what's the real problem?" Lizzy knew him far too well. "Can you tell me?"

"I'm being selfish."

"I really doubt that."

"I think I want to do a doctorate. Become a clinical psychologist."

"Will! That sounds great!"

He rolled over to look at her.

"But I'd have to do a related job for at least a year, and then it's three, maybe four, more years of study."

"And?"

"What about Georgie? What about you?"

"Me?"

"Yeah. Whatever I decide now, that's going to affect what you choose to do, isn't it?"

"How do you work that one out?"

"Well, what if I don't get into Oxford again? Would we move?"

She shrugged; "I suppose we would."

"But we already decided we'd stay here."

"For Georgie. Not for me. If anything, you having made a firm decision before me will make my choices easier."

He groaned.

"You're way too nice to me."

She laughed and stroked his face.

"You're making this way too complicated, love."

"Am I? Even if it's okay with you, we really can't move Georgie just for my sake."

"Well, no. Not just like that. We might have to compromise, ask Victoria to stay on a while longer."

"I'm not sure if she'd be up for that."

"Okay, well, let's ask her first, so we know. Factor it in."

"I shouldn't even be considering anything that might upset Georgie."

"Will, you're not her Dad. You're her brother, and you're only twenty. Its okay to want things for yourself. We already know you won't do anything detrimental to her well being."

He reached out for her, seeking comfort.

"I feel bad."

"I know. It's allowed."

He huffed a laugh at her.

"I just… I wish Mum and Dad were still here."

"I know, love, I know."

He clung to her, overcome with sadness. These bouts of grief had lessened with time – he'd got used to the loss – but he doubted he could ever go through a big life event without regretting their absence. Lizzy just held him for a while, but then she wanted to know where all this was coming from.

"Do you know why you've changed your mind?"

"I dunno. I've been thinking a lot about Dad recently. About being a doctor. I think maybe it would be cool to be a bit like him."

She smiled sadly.

"That's a nice idea, love."

"But?"

"I didn't say anything."

He pulled back from her, raising a sceptical eyebrow; that was more a Lizzy thing, but he had skills of his own.

"Your silence speaks volumes."

"Okay… I just…"

"What?"

"Well, it's all a bit sudden. Are you sure it's your idea?"

"Who else's idea would it be?"

"Apart from Victoria, planting thoughts in your head?"

He laughed at this picture of his aunt; it wasn't not something she might do, but in this case, she hadn't said a word about his future career. Not recently, anyway. Not being so close to her own freedom (that sounded harsh in his head, but he really didn't blame her. Victoria hadn't chose to have kids of her own, but she'd given up almost everything – even her own house – to raise them for nine years. She deserved to do what she wanted now.)

"I think it's more the thoughts of my Dad."

"Alright. But is it what you want to do?"

He rolled onto his back again; "Arrrrgh! I don't know."

"And you really feel like you need to decide this now?"

"I… well, I'd like to have some idea of what I'm doing."

"Alright, then let's make a plan."

She leapt up, ignoring her dearth of clothing and her crazy bedhead, sprinted across the room to grab a pen and paper, and then darted back under the warmth of the covers. Sitting up against the headboard, the duvet tucked around her, she started making lists.

Within half an hour they'd worked out his top priorities for choosing his next step; what areas they would consider moving to that would suit the needs of all three of them if Oxford wasn't an option; the kinds of expenses and other practical details that might come up, how they would deal with them; and what he might need to talk to Victoria about before he made a firm decision.

"You are a…"

"Amazing! I know, Will, you tell me every day!"

"Lizzy. Seriously. You don't understand how unbelievably lucky I feel that you're mine."

She laughed happily.

"I feel exactly the same, Will."

"Really?" He was sceptical. "You're like a counsellor and a life coach rolled up into one, and I'm just over here causing all the problems. I know you love me sweetheart, but feeling lucky makes no sense."

"Maybe I just really like solving problems," she teased, throwing the pad down on the floor, and getting comfortable again.

"That is very lucky, but again, for me."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I need to be charging you?"

He pulled her closer.

"And what's the going rate for making someone's life a million times better, do you think?"

She tipped her head back to look up at him.

"I'm not sure, but I think I'd be happy with unlimited kisses. How does that sound?"

"Perfect," he agreed; "I'll start payment right now."

-x-

Two days later was Sunday, and they collected Georgie and Mary for the trip up to Headington and Mrs Bennet's Sunday lunch. Will found himself spilling all his thoughts out to Fiona as he helped her in the kitchen; he was on veg prep and gravy making duties. Like her daughter, she was practical and warm hearted, and she immediately offered encouragement wrapped up with a solution;

"Apply for whatever you like, Will. Your parents wouldn't want you to be limited by their deaths; believe me, no parent would want that. And since they aren't there to tell you, or help you, let me and Thom do it. We'll take Georgie during the week. Your Nan as well. They can keep their routine, and you can still follow your dreams."

Will looked at her, gobsmacked; "You'd really do that?"

"Of course we would, darling. We're family."

Will dropped the knife on the counter and threw his arms around her in a heartfelt hug.

"Thank you Fiona, you have no idea what this means to me."

She patted him on the back; "you're welcome, darling, we'll help you however you need."

"Not just that." He pulled back from the hug, and she saw his eyes were glistening. "The family thing, too. That means a lot."

"Well now," she replied, a bit flustered. "Of course you are, and Georgie too."

He hugged her again, then they turned back to their chores, both a bit overcome.

-x-

Victoria was also very supportive, claiming that it would be no problem at all to retain guardianship for a few more years;

"In fact, Fitzwilliam, I had always expected to. You're the one who wanted to take over so young."

"But don't you have things you want to do?"

"Yes, but your education is more important. I can do those things when you're qualified."

She did, however, agree that a hybrid sort of arrangement including the Bennets might be the most attractive option. Darcy marvelled at the effect Lizzy had had on his stern aunt, because there was little to no chance she would have been half so open minded even a year or two before.

-x-

By the end of the week, though he hadn't actually made any decisions at all, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He still had options. He had support. He had a family, both those of his own, and the people that had chosen him just because he loved Lizzy. And most of all, he had her. And everything was going to be okay.

Assuming he did alright in his finals, that was. But he probably would. Almost definitely.