The sound of rain beating against her windows slowly drew Payson from her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open, the room was still dark, a product, she was sure of the overcast skies. Her body was telling her it was time to get up. She let her eyes drift closed again and that's when she noticed it, a weight, heavy and warm against her stomach, his arm curving protectively around her body, two fingers tucked slightly into the waistband of her pajama shorts. She could hear his soft, even breathing on the pillow next to hers. She recognized the deep, slow rhythm, he was sound asleep. Not wishing to wake him, but needing to see him to believe it was true, she carefully rolled over. His arm remained around her, instinctively pulling her closer as she shifted towards him. As usual, he was practically radiating heat and she snuggled closer to the warmth. She sighed contentedly, letting her eyes drift closed again, sleep slowly overtaking her.
She woke later, sleepier than when she'd roused the first time, the rain still pelting away at her windowpanes. Her eyes opened and a slow smile spread across her face. Sasha was awake now, still holding her close, his eyes focused on her.
"Hey," he whispered, nudging his nose against hers.
"Hi," she breathed, their lips brushing together softly. "This is nice."
He nodded in agreement, "Mmm, more than nice. If I could wake up like this for the rest of my life, I'd die a happy man."
She smiled, tucking her head into the crook of his shoulder, "I think that can be arranged. I sleep better when you're here," she said, her fingers absently drawing patterns against the skin of his bicep.
They lay there for a few more moments in silence before she heard him sigh, "Sasha?"
"There's something we should talk about," he said, foreboding words, though his tone didn't give that impression.
"Yeah?" she asked, titling her head up to meet his eyes.
"Yeah. The lease is up on my flat in New York in August and the people I've let it to want to renew it, but I told them it was possible I'd be moving in to the apartment in September," he said. "What do you think?"
"New York," she said, and bit her lip. Suddenly, everything they'd talked about, everything they intimated and assumed and even wished for was more concrete, more tangible. "I love that apartment."
He smiled, "Me too."
"I applied to Columbia you know?" she said. She'd applied to several schools as a transfer student as well, including several in the London area. She'd taken online courses at UC Boulder and completed several liberal arts requirements in the last year. "I heard from them two weeks ago. I got into their Biology program."
He snorted, "Of course you did. Was there ever any doubt?"
She shook her head at his confidence in her, "Well, I wasn't sure," she said with a small smile. "it's a great school."
"I suppose I should start looking for gym space in New York to rent out and put some money aside to incorporate and get insured. It won't be quite the Rock at first, but I think we might draw some quality gymnasts," he mused.
"You want to coach in New York?" she asked. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to be a club coach again, after all the stress of this Olympic cycle and dealing with the NGO's politics."
"It's what I do, Payson. I left gymnastics once; I'm not going to make that mistake again." There was something in his voice that gave her pause.
"Sasha," she began, "If you wanted to stay in Boulder, I mean, you're established here at the Rock. You'd have to start all over again in New York and hope that someone came along with enough talent…"
He shook his head and cut her off, "The Rock won't have any problem finding a new coach and I never intended to stay here. There isn't anything that would keep me in Boulder after the Olympics, Payson, unless you wanted to stay. Your family and friends are here."
She looked up at him, searching his eyes, and then shook her head, "No. I want a fresh start after the Olympics in a place we don't have to hide or pretend. No one will care who we are or that we're together."
"And one day some little girl will bounce into our gym wanting to be the next Payson Keeler and we'll take them to the Olympics," he said, kissing her forehead lightly.
She smiled, loving when they talked about their future, "So it's New York."
"New York it is then," he said, his fingers stroking gently against her hair.
"Wow," she whispered, a smile burgeoning across her face. "We're moving, together, to New York. It doesn't sound real when I say it out loud yet."
"Did you tell your parents about Columbia yet?" he asked. "That's a big deal, Pay. They're going to be really proud of you."
She frowned and sighed, "No, I thought I'd save that news for when we talked to them. It might make them feel a little better to know I'm going to continue school. That is something we should talk about though, about when we talk to my parents and what we're going to say," she said, pushing up onto her elbow. He mimicked her and they lay on their sides facing each other. "We'll talk to them after we get back from London?"
"Yeah," he said. She looked into his eyes and for the first time in a very long time, she wasn't sure what she saw there. She stared at him long enough that he knew she expected him to voice his thoughts. "Are you sure you want to tell them at all, Payson? It's totally up to you. I'll do whatever you want to do, but you'll be going to New York and strictly speaking, they wouldn't be any more aware of what's going on with you than they are now."
She bit her lip and shook her head. She knew he had to suggest it. Similar thoughts had run through her mind here and there over the last few months. In theory, he was right. She could very easily move to New York, settle in at school and Sasha's presence in the same city would be nothing more than a pleasant coincidence, a friendly face in a new city, but she knew she couldn't do that. "I don't want to lie to them anymore," she said. "We've been doing this for so long now; I know it's just semantics at this point. I don't know, maybe I just want to relieve myself of the guilt of lying to them for so long, but they deserve to know. I'm happy, Sasha. I'm happy and I'm in love with an amazing man and we're going to build an amazing life together and I know they won't see that right away or understand it, but they will eventually. I want them to be a part of it, even if at first they…"
"Stop speaking to you," he finished for her. It was a painful thought, but she knew it was a possibility.
She studied the stitching at the edge of her pillowcase intently, "Even if they stop speaking to me."
She felt his hand reach out and touch her shoulder, sliding down her arm and then caress her hip gently. He pulled her close and held her tightly to his chest, "They'll come around eventually, Payson. I know they will."
She buried her head in his chest and sighed against his skin. "No sense in worrying about it right now." She glanced over his shoulder and saw the time. "What time did you want to be at the Rock today?" she asked.
"Around noon," he said, the hand at her hip slipping under the hem of her shirt gently stroking the skin at the small of her back.
She smiled, though he couldn't see her face, "Three hours, whatever shall we do with them?"
His body shifted and suddenly she found herself on her back, his weight pressing her into the mattress, his lips hovering just over hers. "I've got a few ideas."
Austin wasn't a morning person. There was a reason he was usually one of the last people to leave the Rock, it was because he was also one of the last to arrive. He knew it took discipline and dedication and all of those d-words to win Olympic gold and he had those qualities in spades, but he also knew that it didn't require waking up at an ungodly hour. Training was just as effective at noon as it was at six in the morning, at least it was for him. So when a steady thumping noise invaded his sleeping subconscious and woke him up on a rainy Monday morning, he thought maybe he was simply dreaming, but then the thumping was joined by a ding-dong, his doorbell, followed closely by his cell phone vibrating on the nightstand next to his bed. He looked at the phone quickly. It was a text from Kaylie, "At ur door. Brkfst?"
Suddenly, without a real thought to what he was doing and why, his legs flew over the edge of his mattress. He groped around his floor for a spare pair of pants and a tee shirt. He stumbled down his stairs, nearly breaking his neck on the slippery wood of his stairs before he raced to his front door and threw it open, "Hey," he said. Kaylie was standing there on his front steps, under an umbrella, two Styrofoam cups in a cardboard cup holder and a brown bag with a heavenly smell coming from it.
"Hi," she said, looking unsure of herself.
"Uh, come in," he said, stepping back and allowing her room to walk past him.
"Thanks. I thought maybe we could have breakfast," she said, taking in his front hall, but steadfastly not meeting his eye.
"Yeah, um, great, we can eat in the kitchen," he said. Austin had no idea what was going on, but he assumed it was a return peace offering, like the phone call he'd made on Friday night.
The awkward stuttering continued as they sat down at his kitchen table. "I, uh, got egg white omelets. I wasn't sure what you liked in yours, but I figured egg whites and veggies were a safe choice," she said, passing him a box. He didn't have the heart to tell her he despised egg whites and his idea of breakfast was fried eggs, bacon, hash browns covered in as much Tabasco sauce as his tongue could stand, but he smiled gratefully and grabbed them some knives and forks.
"Kaylie,"
"Austin,"
They spoke right over each other. "Go ahead," he said, motioning with his hand.
She took a deep breath and finally made eye contact with him. He felt himself getting lost in those brown eyes, just like he had many times before, but he broke away from her gaze. It was a slippery slope. He knew he was vulnerable to her. "After you called me on Friday, I realized that I never really apologized, for what I did. I lied and I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."
Austin shook his head, "I wasn't mad about the lie, Kaylie. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back," he admitted.
"Then what?" She wrinkled her nose in confusion and he vividly recalled the last time she had done that. He'd been trying to explain to her why he couldn't just be her friend. She'd stomped on his heart again a moment later and this time he steeled himself for the pain, knowing he should be prepared.
"I was in love with you," he admitted quietly. "I was in love with you and you didn't want me."
She shook her head, "It wasn't that I didn't want you," she said, though so quietly he could barely hear her voice. "I wanted you too much. I still do."
There it was. The admission he'd been waiting nearly two years to pass her lips. The worst part about it is that he'd known it all along. He'd known it and suffered and she'd simply ignored it. He felt his chest constrict and his sucked in a breath before letting it out slowly. "Kaylie, I tried so many times. A guy can only get rejected so many times before he gives up."
She narrowed her eyes at him, though not in anger, in confusion, "Then why? Why did you call me the other night?"
"I…I don't know. I was just watching the meet and I knew I had to call you." He rubbed at the back of his neck, uncomfortably. "I didn't really think about it."
Kaylie bit her lip. "Right, of course. Look I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry. I'm just going to go," she said, getting up from the table and walking out of the kitchen. Seconds later he was out of his chair, at full speed chasing after her.
"Kaylie," he called, catching up to her just as she made it to his front door. He put his hand over hers on the doorknob and pulled it away, holding it in his own. "Don't go," he said, leading her away from the door.
"But you just said…" she trailed off.
"I'm an idiot, don't ever listen to what I say," he said, stepping closer.
He leaned down and watched her eyes drift closed. He remembered another moment like this, when she'd been waiting for him to kiss her and he'd pulled away. Austin had made a lot of mistakes in his twenty two years, but he wasn't about to make this one twice. He leaned in and pressed their lips together. The spark was still there and he let it lead him, though they kept it chaste, just a small press of their mouths together. He pulled back and looked down at her. Her eyes were still closed. Then slowly she smiled and opened her eyes.
"Do that again," she said, leaning into him. He was more than happy to oblige her.
He brought a hand up to cup her cheek gently and brought their mouths together again, this time attending to her bottom lip, before brushing his tongue against it gently, asking for permission. He didn't know why he kissed her like this, as if she were made of glass, but it seemed like the right thing. Her mouth met his softly, allowing him to guide her.
Austin had never been a morning person and he hated egg whites and he was still angry as hell at her for the all the pain she'd put him through, but as Kaylie's mouth opened beneath his and their tongues danced together in his front hall at an ungodly hour, he couldn't help but thing that mornings were growing on him.
Kim arrived at the Rock with Becca in tow. She knew not to expect Payson until later that day. Her older daughter hadn't gotten in until late the night before, but after what she'd observed when watching that meet, even through the fogginess of her mind at two in the morning, Sasha's absence was conspicuous. He was usually tireless, arriving at the gym first, long before most of the gymnasts. She'd gone to his trailer and knocked on the door, but there'd been no answer and his truck was not parked in its usual spot around the back of the gym. So when he arrived around noon, whistling to himself, she wasn't really in the mood to be cordial.
"Hey there, good morning," he said, smiling at her in that charming way he had, but suddenly that smile did not seem quite the same.
"Afternoon," she corrected sharply and his smile faded.
"Right," he said, glancing up at the clock and shrugging.
"Here's your schedule for the rest of the day," she said, trying to keep the hostility from her voice. After all, she didn't have any proof, any real evidence, just a feeling and it wasn't fair to be angry at him because of a feeling she had.
"You okay?" he asked, obviously sensing something was up.
She put a hand to her head and sighed. "Yeah, sorry, I'm just a little tired. Welcome back," she said, finally.
He smiled and she realized she hadn't seen him smile like that in a long while. It lit up his entire face with genuine joy. She sighed. She remembered that not so long ago she'd been trying to figure out what was making him so sad, reverting back to the serious, unwaveringly stern coach he'd been when he first arrived in Boulder. He was still smiling, to himself now, humming the same song he'd been whistling when he wandered in.
"Unforgettable," she said, finally recognizing the tune. "Nat King Cole."
He looked up at smiled, "Yeah, it's one of my favorites. My mother loved him, used to make me listen to his records all the time and he just sort of grew on me."
Kim felt her throat tighten. He was different, happier, and she couldn't help but believe it had something to do with her daughter, her daughter who also had a soft spot for Nat King Cole. What were the odds? She still didn't even know what exactly she suspected about them. She bounced between Payson's unrequited love to a simple attraction between two people who spent inordinate amounts of time together, to a sordid affair where Sasha was taking complete advantage of her young and naïve daughter. Her confusion was such that she couldn't even muster up the anger she'd directed at him just moments before. She settled down at her desk and looked across the room a him as he shuffled through a stack of papers she'd left on his desk. He'd stopped humming, but a small smile played across his face now, as he set to work. It was the same expression he'd worn on the computer screen, just after he'd broken eye contact with Payson.
"Sasha," she said, not sure what she was going to say. For a moment she thought her mouth would run away with her and she'd outright accuse him of…what exactly would it be? Payson's eighteen years old, and though he was her coach, any relationship, strictly speaking, would be legal.
"Yes?" he asked, looking up at her, expectantly and she hesitated.
She shook her head, "Nothing," she said, going back to work.
Maybe she was insane; maybe she was letting an overactive imagination get the best of her. Sasha had every right to be a good mood and it didn't necessary have to have anything to do with Payson. She studied the top of the younger man's head as he began to hum absently again. Kim wasn't a gambler, but if she was she'd bet the house that if she found her daughter out on the floor right now, she'd be wearing a similar silly grin and quite possibly be humming the same tune to herself, as she trained. There was nothing for her to do. There was no one she could talk to about it and no one she'd really want to talk to about it. The only thing she could do was sit back, wait and hope that whatever it was she'd sensed building between her daughter and her coach didn't come crashing down around them all.
