It was about nine thirty by the time Ed finally reported to Colonel Mustang's office. Riza was there, of course, and was converseing with Mustang on the many joys and uses of pie.
as soon as Ed entered the room, Riza hid behind Roy's chair and started clearing her throat loudly.
"Something wrong, Lieutenant?" A perky Edward asked the melting blob of Hawkeye.
Roy sweatdropped. "Hawkeye...I would appreciate it if you would get away from behind my chair...or at least just not melt on it."
"...Yes, sir."
"Good."
"I need estrogen!" Ed sqeaked. Roy sweatdropped and rolled to the other side of the room. Slowly.
"I think you might need your ADD pills, Fullmetal."
"ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M PMSING?" Ed yelled at Royu-taisa (A/N: That's my nickname for Roy...Royu. ROYU-SAMA!).
"What the hell? Edward, you are a BOY. Get that in your short little head. MALE!" Roy cried out.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL AND MANNISH?" Ed wailed.
"Taisa..." Riza began.
"Where's your Birth cirtifacate!" Roy demanded of Ed.
"I DON'T HAVE ONE!"
"WHY!"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"GOOD REASON!"
"YEAH!"
"TAISA! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO LOOK OVER HERE!" Riza shouted.
"Do you really want the answer to that question?" Hughes, who had apparently floated over to them without anybody noticeing, asked.
"what do you mean?" She said.
"Well, we both know Roy is a pervert."
"You know that he would love it if--"
"No. NO WAY. I am NOT doing THAT. Not even if you paid me. I'll just let him figure it out for himself."
"Figure out what?" Roy said, turning to Riza. She sweatdropped.
"That was a waste of time."
"What was?"
"Whatever."
"what did you want me to figure out, Hawkeye? Tell me, that's an order."
"That Edward is on...you know..." She bent down close to his ear. "THAT time of the month." She whispered.
"You're kidding, Right?"
"No."
"Oh God."
"I thought you were an atheist."
"...Oh, hell."
"ALRIGHT THEN. OH...DAMN-"
Riza shook her head.
"Uhhhh...Oh...codswallop?"
Riza shrugged.
"I CAN PROVE THAT I'M A GIRL!" Ed cried triumphantly, and pulled a tampon out of his pocket.
"First of all, I have no idea how that proves your gender. Second of all, where on EARTH did you get that?" Roy asked, aghast.
Ed pointed at Riza.
"Her."
Everyone in the office (of which there were three, not counting Riza herself) started at Riza, who then somehow melted into a puddle and sloshed over to roys feet.
This must prove that...HAWKEYE IS FROM THE LAND OF THE ETERNAL PERIOD! Roy thought.
A/N: I'm a freak. And I know it.
