Chapter 25! YAY hahaha 2 more to go!

Brooke felt like she was at a funeral sitting there, listening as Karen talked to her and Lucas. She wasn't really sure what Karen was saying, nor did she care at this point. She didn't need someone telling her this was all for the best. That maybe there was a reason behind it. The only reason Brooke could think of was that someone seriously hated her, and was determined to make her life miserable. It hadn't even been 3 days since they took Ella and Karen was already lecturing them to move on, start things for the new baby. The words burned Brooke's ears. New baby. How was she supposed to think of that right now? Or ever. She'd lost the only baby she'd ever wanted, and now she was expected to be someone else's mother in less than 6 months. As far as she was concerned it wasn't happening. Even Lucas, who for the most part had been pretty excited about having a baby didn't want to talk about it.

"You two are 19! You shouldn't be having a baby in the first place, much less adopting one" Karen said for the 3rd time in an hour. Lucas knew she was trying to help. At least he hoped that's what she was doing but either way it wasn't working. He felt terrible, and the more she kept saying the worse he felt.

"Please don't"

"I have too. As far as I'm concerned I'm a parent to both of you. Lucas go get a shower, Brooke go get dressed"

"What's the point?" Brooke asked slowly. She found the slower she talked, the easier it was to keep from crying. Here it had been 3 days and things still hadn't gotten any easier. Time wasn't helping anything; it was just making the dark circles under her eyes bigger and bigger.

"The point is that you have a responsibility to this baby you've made together to take care of yourselves and it. You've got a doctors appointment in an hour"

"I went last week"

"Well you're going this week too. When was the last time you ate something?" Karen asked trying to straighten up the bedroom as she talked. It was a wreck. The whole place was. She knew this whole thing with Ella had been a bad idea. She'd known it from the beginning. She'd had her reasons for not saying anything but now she was wishing she had.

"I don't know"

"I'm giving you two 30 minutes. I have to go feed Erin"

"I really hate your mother right now, where are you going?" Brooke asked laying back down on her pillow. The morning sickness was starting in, at least she thought it was morning sickness. Maybe it was grief. Either way her head was pounding and it hurt to sit up. She wanted Lucas just to lay with her, like he'd been doing the past few days. She didn't like him listening to Karen.

"Shower"

"Lucas"

"Brooke we cant do this forever" Lucas sighed. The way he said it burned Brooke. She'd never ever seen him like this. He sounded so hurt.

"We just sat there. We just sat there and let them take her"

"There was nothing we could do"

"There had to of been something. We're 19, not helpless. Do you even care?" Brooke asked, she could feel her eyes start to swell with tears again. She knew she shouldn't have asked him that, of course he cared. But it was just so much easier to yell at him then to have to think about how much they were both hurting.

"Don't even ask me that! Brooke don't you think this is killing me as much as it is you? But what are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know"

"You have to go to the doctor Brooke" Lucas finally said. If his mother was right about anything it was that. Brooke did look pretty bad. She was so pale. He wasn't sure why he hadn't noticed it before now. Maybe he just hadn't wanted too. Either way he couldn't have anything happen to her.

"Why?"

"Because if something happens we're just as bad as they are, and I won't do that"

"Just us. I don't want your mother there"

Brooke threw on a pair of Juicy's that were almost too tight in the stomach, a tank top, and pulled her hair back in a ponytail. She wasn't really going for glamorous today. She really didn't want to go in the first place, but Lucas had a point. Sure she didn't want this baby that much, but if something were to happen to it of course she'd feel terrible. She'd kind of gotten used to the idea that it was there now, and even though she hated the thought of having it without Ella there to try and help. It wasn't the babies fault all of this was happening, although it was easier to lay some of the blame on it.

After making sure that Karen and Nathan were nowhere in site, Brooke snuck into the kitchen to find something to eat. Find being the key word. It wasn't like she and Lucas were big on the whole grocery-shopping thing, they pretty much ate out for every meal. After finding some teddy grahams and a Pepsi, which Brooke figured should tide her over for now. She waited at the table for Lucas to finish getting ready. Nathan was at the other end of the table, looking just as miserable as she was. Although she guessed he probably didn't have the amount of morning sickness that she did.

"Did you ever talk to Peyton?" Brooke asked, figuring a new subject of conversation was needed. Maybe that would help a little.

"Yea"

"That bad?"

"She doesn't want me to help out" Nathan sighed tracing his fingers across the table. Brooke thought about it for a second. What was wrong with them? They were 19, it was supposed to be about beer and parties and sex. Not worrying and stressing over being parents. That just wasn't how it was supposed to be. At least it wasn't how she'd imagined it when she was 15 and looking forward to college life. Somewhere in between then and now it had all just gotten so complicated.

"I'm sure she does Nate, she's probably just scared you don't want too"

"I don't know what I want"

"I hear ya" Brooke whispered looking down at her swollen stomach. She hadn't realized how big she'd actually gotten until just then in her tight tank top and Juicy's. Well maybe not big, but she was definitely showing.

"Sorry about Ella"

"Yea"

"I didn't realize you guys love her so much" Nathan said giving Brooke a sad smile. Brooke knew he was trying to help, but that didn't make it burn any less. It made her wonder if it would always hurt this bad. Maybe it would be better one day. But the thought of that, the thought of not missing Ella as much hurt even worse.

"I don't think we did either. But I mean its not like she's dead or something. She's probably there watching Dora and trying to speak Spanish or something"

"She knew more Spanish than I did"

"You and me both" Brooke laughed hoping she was right. That Ella was at least happy where she was. Even if it were with some nanny watching Cartoons all day.

"How's Lucas taking it?"

"I think harder than me if that's possible"

"He seemed excited about the baby" Again Brooke knew Nathan was trying to help, but he really wasn't.

"He is, well at least he was. I think I was too actually"

"And now?"

"Its not the same" Brooke sighed trying not to think about it too hard.

"I'd ask you what Ella would want, but I'm guessing since she's 2 you have no idea"

"Not so much"

"I'm really sorry" Nathan whispered, giving Brooke a sincerely sad smile this time. This time it did make her feel a little better, if that was possible.

"Me too"

The drive to the doctors office was pretty quiet. Brooke spent the entire time trying to ignore Ella's car seat in the back seat and focus on her chipped fingernails. Lucas meanwhile didn't even remember driving there once they were in the doctors office waiting room. Everything was kind of a blur to him. So much so that when the doctor came into the room to examine Brooke, neither of them were paying any attention until she started almost yelling at them.

"Brooke you have to take better care of yourself" Dr. Owens sighed looking through Brooke's blood work. She was somewhat dehydrated, completely exhausted, weak. When she'd seen her just 4 days ago she'd been more than healthy.

"Yea"

"Is she listening to me?"

"What?" Lucas asked catching about half of what she asked him. He was to busy focusing on Brooke.

"Ok I realize that you two are 19, and probably have more important things on your plate like school and whatever. But if you don't start taking better care of yourself then its not going to be just your baby suffering. You're running a fever, you've actually lost weight, when was the last time you slept?"

"I don't know"

"What's going on?" Dr. Owens asked expecting an explanation. She'd only seen Brooke a few times but from what she'd seen Brooke was a compliant patient. She ate semi ok foods, exercised, took the vitamins she had given her. You couldn't have asked for a better patient. Now suddenly she was a doctors worst nightmare.

"They took Ella"

"Who?"

"Her, parents" Brooke sighed figuring that's what she should call them now.

"I'm so sorry, I know you two really cared about her. I need you to think about his baby now ok? As much as it hurts I need it to be your number 1 priority or you're going to be grieving 2 losses"

"Ok"

"I want to see you again in week, and we'll go from there. Get some rest. Lucas make her rest" Dr. Owens said sternly. She hoped they were both listening to her, because if they weren't Ella wasn't going to be the only child they lost.

"Yea"

"In about a month we'll be able to find out the sex of the baby, that's something to look forward too right?"

"Sure" Brooke smiled, trying to at least look excited. Maybe in a month she'd care more, but right now she really didn't.

"I am sorry you two"

The ride back home was almost was quiet as the one there. Brooke now had the added guilt of that the doctor had told her and she felt terrible. What was wrong with her? She knew better than this. It didn't take a genius to know that when you were pregnant, you had to do basic things like eat and drink on a regular basis. There was no getting around it like she used to could when she was upset or pissed off. This whole situation was messing with everyone.

"What do you want for lunch?" Lucas asked deciding he was going to make Brooke eat.

"Anything but chicken, I've suddenly developed a hate for chicken"

"Chicken?"

"Yea, it was the last thing I ate Tuesday and the first thing up Wednesday morning. I don't do the chicken thing anymore" Brooke half laughed. At this rate she wasn't going to be able to eat anything. Morning sickness had always been described to her as a pain but she hadn't really taken it seriously until now.

"Hamburger?"

"How do they expect me to eat when everything sounds so gross?"

"Cake" Lucas asked just throwing whatever he could think of out there.

"I could do cake, oh and a hot dog. I think I could do a hot dog too, and watermelon"

"Where are we supposed t o eat that has cake, watermelon and hot dogs?"

"I have no idea, but at least it will keep us out of the house for a while looking" Brooke said, hoping maybe they'd have to drive all the way to New Jersey to find watermelon. She really didn't want to go back home and deal with Karen. She wasn't sure she had the energy at this point. Maybe after she'd eaten something and felt better she could fight back. But not right now.

"The longer away from my mother the better"

"Are you worried?"

"About what?" Lucas asked hearing the seriousness in Brooke's voice. He could tell this was going to be an intense conversation and wished maybe she had waited until he wasn't driving to bring it up.

"That it'll be a girl, or that we wont love it like we should. I have as much guilt about the baby as I do about letting them take Ella. I don't want to be my parents"

"You wont be ok? Of course I'm worried. But so is every other couples getting ready to have a baby. Its natural"

"I'm scared of loving it more than Ella now that we don't have her with us anymore" Brooke finally said after a long pause. This was the thing that terrified her most she thought. The thought of one day it not hurting not to have Ella. She said she wanted the pain to go away, and just to feel good again. But really that scared her most. Not having the pain there anymore. Being ok with the fact that they didn't have Ella.

"Brooke, we're gonna love this baby. Its our baby, I don't think its possible not too. But that doesn't mean we'll love it anymore or less than Ella. Legally or not she was ours too"

"I hate this so much"

"I know, me too"

After giving up on their search for watermelon, Brooke and Lucas settled on their usual Chili's and then headed back home. Nathan's car was gone, but of course Karen was still there. Brooke figured she'd probably cleaned the whole house twice by now. With any look maybe she'd started cooking too. They were kind of low on things to eat. Upstairs Erin was in her bouncer in front of Karen's favorite baby sitter, the TV. Brooke could smell something cooking, which was a good sign but Karen wasn't anywhere to be found.

"What are you doing?" Brooke asked finding Karen in Ella's room throwing things in bags. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Karen had no right to be in that room, much less messing with anything.

"Cleaning out some clutter"

"That's Ella's stuff"

"Maybe you should take it to the children's home. Give it to her friends" Karen smiled like she had given Brooke a nice idea. Brooke could feel her blood starting to boil. She'd completely cleaned out the entire room almost, right down to the letters on the wall Peyton had hand painted spelling out Ella.

"No, this is her room"

"It would work so much better as the baby's room"

"Mom, what the hell?" Lucas asked meeting the girls in Ella's bedroom. He wasn't sure if he was more worried about the fact that Brooke was trembling as she yelled at Karen, or that she felt completely hot to the touch. Karen had taken things way to far this time.

"This is Ella's room"

"Brooke, there's no reason to keep this stuff here"

"I want it here" Brooke cried not able to hold back her tears. Her head was pounding now and she could feel the heat coming off her forehead.

"Ok, I've been as supportive as I could with this but the 2 of you are being ridiculous now"

"We just lost our child"

"She wasn't your child Brooke!" Karen yelled trying to get her point across. She could see the pissed off look on Lucas's face as she yelled. He was just as bad as Brooke when it came to this.

"No, that baby you are carrying, that neither of you seem to give a damn about is your child"

"Mom, don't"

"Lucas, go take her to lie down. She looks terrible" Karen sighed continuing to put stuff in bags. She wasn't going to sit here and watch as they cried and mourned over something that wasn't really there's in the first place.

"I'm fine. Stop moving the stuff"

"You knew her for barely a year!"

"How long have you had Erin?" Brooke asked completely infuriated. She could barely stand straight she was so mad. How could Karen sit there and imply just because they'd only known Ella for a year they didn't love her?

"I gave birth to Erin, that's completely different"

"No its not. Stop"

"Mom, leave the room alone" Lucas said taking the bag she was filling from her. He wasn't going to let her do this, not to him and definitely not to Brooke. It wasn't her place to try and tell them how much they loved Ella, and how much they were hurting.

"I'm not going to watch as you two sit here and ruin your lives over this. You weren't her parents"

"I sat up with her 4 nights straight when she had the flu, I gave up France for her!"

"Well you shouldn't have" Karen yelled taking the bag back from Lucas.

"Brooke, sit down" Lucas whispered trying anything to get her just to rest. She looked so bad standing there shaking and crying. It couldn't be good for her to be this upset.

"No, I want her out"

"Mom, just go"

"I wont sit back and watch as you two do this to yourselves" Karen said for what seemed like the 10th time. They just weren't getting it. She was trying to help them.

"Look, she's hurting. We both are. You're just upsetting her and she doesn't need that right now ok? Just take Erin and go home. We'll call you" Lucas whispered taking Karen aside for a minute. He had to get her out of her before she got Brooke anymore upset.

"Lucas"

"Mom, just go"

"No, Brooke" Karen gasped watching as Brooke fell to the floor

"Go call someone!"

J