NEW CHAPTER! SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG! EXPLANATION AT THE BOTTOM!
Disclaimer: I…disclaim…NOTHING! SCAH-ROO YOO! Ugh…just check the previous chapters or get a freaking life instead of checking every fanfiction to see if they disclaimed stuff.
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Angel Memories: Chapter 17
Introduce Me
(to a Nameless boy)
His arms stretched wide in front of me, welcoming me like a bear trap to enter his embrace. A deep sneer widened and grew across his face, causing the skin around his eyes to crinkle ever so slightly. As for the eyes themselves, they shone bright aqua and swirled with an untouchable hatred that threatened to sweep me away and rip my very essence from me.
For several seconds we stood on opposite ends of the hall, motionless and unbreathing. To me it felt like nearly and eternity, staring into those hopeless pupils that sat on the very edge of madness and toed the border. I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything except stare and watch and try to forget the words he had just spoken. My mind raced and tore through all the possibilities and screamed at me to just move. But I couldn't move. There was something far greater holding me back and absolutely preventing me from going to the insane boy who stood in front of me.
And even if I could, what would I do then? Was that what I'm afraid of? Could I really bring myself to take this boy in my arms as I had done Riku? Or would I crack and kill him, like I had so many other people? Despite all my senses screaming to move and go to the boy, something deep inside, some irrational feeling of absolute terror was holding me back and demanding that I stay in this spot until I could be sure of what I might do.
But the boy had no intention of waiting that long.
"Yea," he said quietly. His arms fell once again to his sides and his head drooped slightly, silver hair covering his hateful eyes. I felt my body relax slightly with the retreat of that terrible stare. "I should have fucking figured that one out." His shoulders shook slightly as laughter rippled through his body. "Even if you had come over here…it wouldn't have been because of me, would it?" His gaze returned to me, locking me in place again. "Just some more run-off emotions that come from the real me, that's all it would have been. Don't try and tell me otherwise. I know it's true. Everything I've ever had was just…borrowed from him."
With all of my strength, I fought through the crushing stare and suffocating hatred that the child was radiating. Finally I gained control of my voice and, carefully as I could, I began to speak. "Even…if that is true," I began.
"So you at least understand that much," the replica sneered angrily.
His words nearly caused me to stumble backward but I found my tongue and my balance and continued. "Even if that is true…it doesn't always need to be like that." My mind raced, deciding on my next words with careful consideration. One wrong step and I would be the catalyst to send the child careening across the border and into madness. "You don't always have to exist in his shadow. You don't have to be the false Riku for the rest of your life." I remembered Vexen's disgusting words. 'Hojo really outdid himself.' 'Hojo created a self-improving and even sentient being.' I knew what it was like to live in someone's shadow for my entire life.
"If you want to much to be your own person, then what good will it be to kill the real Riku?" I felt my fear gradually fall away as passion overtook me. "Even then, aren't you simply borrowing what would otherwise be his? Maybe borrowing isn't the word here though, is it? Aren't you just planning to steal away his future and keep it for yourself? Is that what you really want? I don't think it really is."
"Shut up," the boy turned his eyes downwards. His fingers shook slightly and then clenched tightly.
"If you want to be your own person then stop chasing Riku! If you want to be your own person then you have to become that, you can't take it from anyone else!" I stepped forward, flinging my arms out as my voice began to rise. "Don't fight against Riku, it isn't his fault that he is what he is, just as it isn't your fault that you are what you are. You're fight doesn't lie with him, if anything it lies within yourself. Stop running away from it. Stop blaming things on other people. If you want to be someone, why not try and be someone new?"
"SHUT UP!"
The boy's voice tore through the air, stopping me mid-speech and causing me to fall back, retracting my hard earned step. His shoulders were shaking violently and he couldn't seem to look upwards. I watched him as he stood, trembling with emotions. Suddenly, a single gleaming speck fell from his down turned face and splashed gently upon the white tile at his feet.
"Don't you think I've tried that?" His voice was small and scared. "Don't you think...that I realized that already?" He shuddered hysterically and one of his shaking fists flew out and smashed against the white doorframe behind him. Still speaking softly, he said, "Of course I did." His breath came short as he began to sob quietly. "And…do you really think…can you possibly believe…" For a moment, he stopped trembling and took a deep breath. In a flash, he raised his head, tears flinging themselves from his wet eyes as they stared into my own. He stepped forward and flung his arms out again and he opened his mouth and screamed.
"Can you possibly believe that I haven't TRIED TO DO THAT ALREADY?"
For the second time I was nearly hurled back by the force of his words. He stared at me with a mixture of fear, hatred and confusion swirling in his eyes. He shivered slightly before clenching his fists and wiping the tears from his streaming eyes. "Everything I do! Everything I am! I thought that…that maybe if I could just…get stronger and find someone that I could protect…maybe then I really would be someone new." Flashes of pitch black electricity began to rise all around him, crackling quietly. "I thought that maybe I wouldn't have to try so hard to be him because what the hell is the point? He already exists, what use is there for another when there already is one that fits the mold even better than I do?
"Well there isn't one! So I tried to get stronger, tried to get better, become smarter and kinder and protect someone of my own. But even then…even then it was just a feeling that I thought I had created. Just a fucking altered copy of the original's feelings. Everything I am is just a perverted version of what he always was." His upper lip slowly raised to form a terrible sneer that he aimed at me. "You never had to deal with that though, you were just created…you weren't actually a clone. I don't know why I thought you'd sympathize…we're really nothing alike."
I tried to say no, tried to tell him that that wasn't true and that I knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling…that I could help him even. If only he would listen to me. But that didn't really matter…because no words would come to my lips. They simply stuck, fastened to the back of my throat, suffocating me.
"Don't you think I would have searched after every other possibility before trying something like this? Hell if you had told me I was going to kill the real Riku some time ago, I would have laughed in your fucking face. But now…" He flexed his fingers experimentally and the joints hissed with dark lightning. "Now it seems like the only thing I can do." He paused for a moment, letting his gaze linger on his slowly stretching fingers before the cold and steely stare returned to me once again. "And I know what you want to say. 'killing him won't make you any more accepted,' right? Well I know that. I know that if I kill the real one, that's not going to be some kind of magical cure-all for becoming a real boy.
"But if it will help rid me of this…this fucking constant feeling of goddamned perversion…then that will all be worth it. Even for a second. If I can just…be free of that feeling for one second, I'd be able to die happily." He stepped forward again, and began to walk slowly, but with conviction toward me. His mouth slowly widened into a crazy smile that grinned up at me, daring me to do something, anything to stop him.
His steps crackled and sparked with lancing arcs of dark energy. He slowly approached me, picking up speed and still seeming to slow down as my own mind struggled to deal with the current situation. The boy drew nearer, hair slowly rising from the current of air that the whirled around him as his dark energy coalesced and flashed in contrast with the white tiles.
My mind raced and halted, mentally inflicting whiplash with each new jerk toward a newly half formed thought. Wasn't there anything I could do? Wasn't there anything I could say that could possibly reach him? Maybe Riku could handle the child on his own.
NO!
If I start thinking like that then how can I hope to think of myself as a decent person. And isn't that what I've been striving to become? But there wasn't anything I could do…wasn't a thing I could say or do to make things better for the slowly approaching boy.
And suddenly he wasn't approaching anymore. He stood right in front of me, hesitating and watching me with cautious eyes. For a split second he broke stride and paused, looking at me and waiting. In this moment before his foot touched the ground…this really was the one chance I could ever have.
But what the hell do I fucking do!
And before I even knew what I was doing, my face was buried into his shoulder, arms wrapped around his thin muscular waist. For a moment, the sparking flares of energy coursed through my body, singing it and making me tense with the unexpected assault. And then it disappeared. The boy went limp and fell into my embrace, willingly melting into my arms and returning the affection. His fingers buried themselves in my hair, grabbing on and threatening never to let go again.
I felt him thrust his face against my neck and I could feel the wetness begin to course down it and soak into the cloth at the base of my neck. Something hot and salty coursed slowly down my shoulders and flowed freely down my back and over the long scars of battles past. I pulled the boy closer and felt him shudder in a mixture of confusion and relief. Slowly, I ran a hand up the length of his spine and smoothed his silver hair against his head. Quietly I began to whisper encouragement into the child's ear.
"It's ok…it's alright." My voice seemed to calm the boy as his shivering slowed and his ragged breathing became more regular. "It's alright to cry…it's alright to let it all out. It's ok to be scared."
I didn't even know what I was saying anymore. Still unsure of what I was doing but sure that it was the right thing, I continued to speak to the shuddering child.
"It's alright…no one blames you anymore. No one blames you for what you were thinking of doing. It's not your fault." The boy nodded slightly into the comfort of my shoulder and sniffled slightly.
"It's not your fault. No one blames you anymore, Riku."
The boy stiffened in my arms and I felt his eyes open against the wet skin of my shoulder. Suddenly I felt a searing pain in my side and the child was torn from my grip. I flew across the width of the hall and smashed against a large white pillar, cracking the brilliant white stone. I felt something warm and sticky flowing from my left side and reached down to feel at the strange sensation. When I brought my hand away, it was covered in blood.
I glanced upward, feeling woozy and dazed. Through my hazy vision I saw something dark and sinister flashing and darkly flowing in a wild circle around a floating silver ball. The thing turned and I saw two glowing orbs of aqua that faded to dark blood red to black and then back to a brilliant aqua. The two orbs narrowed and below then, a dark hole opened up with a white outline.
"So that's how things are after all?" The voice was completely cold and saturated with contempt so palpable that I could nearly feel it crawl down my throat and tear at my lungs, stealing my breath. Through the intense aching, I shook my head and cleared my vision. With that clarification, my mind returned to me.
In front of me, the boy stood tall and menacing, encased in a whirling vortex of raw energy. On his chest, the symbol of Heartless glowed bright and terrible. His face was contorted in a look of rage and scorn. Around his eyes, tears evaporated and disappeared as he stared down at me.
"Even then…you still can't take the time to differentiate me from the real thing."
A large tentacle of bark purple energy lashed out and cut a sharp and painful line across my cheek. As it retracted, the boy spat at my feet and turned away to face the doorway at the end of the hall. Silently, he began to walk with grim purpose toward the doorway. As his feet mounted the first step, I found my tongue.
"WAIT!" I screamed, reaching out to the retreating figure. I felt a twinge of pain that seared up through my ribcage but ignored it. "WAIT! RIKU!"
The boy stiffened and the energy that surrounded him flared wildly.
"That…" his cold voice reverberated against the white stone tiles.
"Isn't…" All around him, the energy rose and fell, wildly in flux.
"MY NAME!"
Without turning around, the sphere of dark energy surrounding him broke loose and tore down the hallway, cresting and breaking as it came. It smashed against the walls and flowed forward, surging directly toward me. I sat, watching the oncoming wave of death with hollow eyes and closed my eyes.
Let him kill me, it's my own fault it turned out this way. I don't even care if I live anymore. At my side, Masamune shuddered, but I stayed it with a gentle hand.
"Just…let it be, Masamune."
The roaring wave of black energy swirled and formed faces that faded into nothingness as it drew within the final few feet to its target. Again, Masamune shook angrily but I simply let my hands fall to my side. I felt the heat of the approaching wall hit my face, bringing sweat to my face.
As I felt the tingling of electricity begin to caress my face, Masamune grew still for a second and then suddenly tore me from my kneeling position, pulling my into the air as it flew from its sheathe. My eyes flew open and I saw it grow bright with energy and then explode with light as it flashed in contrast with the wall of dark energy. For a moment, the wall of shadow surged against the growing blood red wall that emanated from the floating blade, and then it shattered, breaking into trillions of tiny shards of dark purple glass.
When the final ounce of darkness faded away, Masamune fell to the ground at my feet and lay still. At the far end of the hall, the boy stared intently at the door and dug into his pocket. From it, he pulled a small white card which he held up to the featureless doorway. As it opened and he stepped through, he turned slightly and stole a momentary glance that locked his eyes with my own. His lip raised in a deep sneer.
"Tch..."
And then he walked into the bright light before him.
Silently, I pulled myself to my feet and lifted Masamune from the ground. It shivered softly in my hand as if growling slightly. I patted the hilt and sheathed the blade. With curiosity, I glanced down at the throbbing pain in my side. There was a deep gouge and around the edges, the skin was seared like it had been burned away. It bled slowly but not profusely.
"Curaga," I whispered softly, dumping my MP into the wound and feeling the tissue knit itself together again. When I was satisfied with the condition of the wound, I brushed the specks of dried blood from the front of my clothing. From behind me, footsteps resonated from the doorway. Without turning, I said bitterly, "You're still here?"
"You can't save them all; you should know that by now." The red haired man passed by me and made his way to the stairs. Quietly I grunted in agreement and began to walk after Axel. "I'm sure the real Riku can handle him though…so don't worry too much."
"Don't worry?" I said in an incredulous tone. Axel slowed and came to a stop, sighing slightly. "Don't worry? You think I'm only concerned about Riku? What about the other boy? Why the hell shouldn't I worry about him?" Axel shook his head and turned to look at me. "Why the fuck should either of them have to die if there is anything I can do to stop it!"
"You still don't understand," interrupted Axel. "We we're really hoping you wouldn't have to go through this all…but it's clear that that's the only hope you really have…isn't it?" he reached up and rubbed his temples slowly. "Whatever…I've gotta go see Zexy for a bit. I'll probably see you on the other side some time…good luck."
Axel walked up to the doorway and pressed his palm against the white wood. He turned around for a moment and smiled apologetically. Then he vanished in a flash of bright light.
I pondered waiting and standing on the top step, as I had so many times now, but instead I stepped forward, refusing to fall prey to doubt or questions. I raised the card that Zexion had given me high above my head and it flashed with the customary bright light that unlocked the door in front of me. Slowly, it creaked open and I stepped through again without hesitation, forging into the brightness. As the hall behind me faded into white again, I thought of Axel once again.
"'I'll see you on the other side,' huh?" I shook my head as my mind left my body. Why did that sound so cryptic?
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Whew…so I finally managed to sort of plan out the last few chapters in my head. Sorry it took so long. So let me tell you the deal before I forget. There will only be a few more chapters now, three or four. Five tops. So here's how it's gonna go down.
Making the assumption that Kingdom Hearts 2 really will come out on March 1st (last I heard anyway) I figure I'll give you guys a bit of a schedule…for those who interested. I plan to get a new chapter out every Friday. That way, come March, I'll have done those minimum three chapters and then you'll only need to wait like…a month tops until I'm done with my intense binge on Kingdom Hearts 2 and am ready to start writing about it. Odds are, I'm gonna be writing four more which already would lead into March.
As for your part in the whole process. I am going to freaking need your reviews. I won't lie when I say that I have recently been going through some real difficulties…self confidence, girls and lack thereof, friends and lack thereof and schoolwork. Heh…suicide even managed to sneak it's way into my thought process…the tricky bastard…but don't worry, I'm far too terrified of pain to actually kill myself. And my life isn't that bad. I'm just having a rough spot. SO AS FOR YOUR PART IN THIS THING, you guys have to review to keep me going. Cause it's difficult. I mean…xsaturnine hasn't reviewed for probably a very good reason for the past two chapters and it's hit my like an emotional hammer to my cerebrum.
Oh, and if you can find the time, I'd appreciate it if you guys would check out the forums and help me out with a small dilemma I'm having with planning. I made a forum called "Sephiroth: and why not?" In the Kingdom Hearts section. The topic is fairly self explanatory. I mean…if you have time and feel like it, give it a look-see, I'd really like some input…otherwise I'll be forced to place the question in the next author's note.
In any case, this story is coming to a close soon and we'll be back in the real worlds soon enough. Get excited…cause that's when it gets exciting.
