Chapter 10: Frustrations
Brogan was dreaming. It was a nice, sexy sort of dream, with faceless and nameless bodies rubbing against his, and there were soft, whispery caresses on his skin. There was the scent of flowers and something woodsy that he was sure he knew but couldn't place. Tingles and sensations were running through him, and his dreaming self had been enjoying it quite a bit. But, of course, he woke up before anything good happened. It was the story of his life. Brogan wasn't sure what eventually made him wake, but he was disappointed when he did. His blood pressure was definitely up due to the effects of whomever he'd been dreaming about, and he lay in bed for a long time, staring at the wall.
He realized that the dream wasn't coming back because he wasn't falling back asleep anytime soon. So he got up, throwing on some clothes in case either Harry and Ginny were awake as well. He was in their extra room, or what would have been Ginny's room they'd told him, in the Nuala wing of the Abbey. Brogan had been dismayed to find that not only had Dylan packed up his old student room, but there was now a new student living in it! Someone named Rupert Penry-Jones, a Charms student, and even though Brogan hadn't had a chance to meet him, he already didn't like him based on the name alone. He'd honestly thought he would be able to have his old room to live in again, no issue. But he should have known.
The fact that an entire year of his life and other people's lives had gone on without him kept hitting him differently each time something new came his way. At first, he'd shrugged it off, but now it was starting to bother him. What other surprises did he have in store for himself? What was next? That he'd made up with his father? Brogan bit back a bitter laugh at that one. No one had mentioned hell freezing over.
He didn't mind staying in the room. It was lovely, and he knew Harry and Ginny had wanted him to stay close, but he was starting to feel a bit holed in. He wanted to learn about the last year; of course, he did, but a part of him held back and resisted asking too many questions. Brogan knew it was most unlike him to be disagreeable about it, but he couldn't help the way he felt. So instead of talking to the couple as he was sure they wanted him to do, he mostly kept to himself, reading, or he often went on long walks around the Abbey. Or sometimes, he talked with Garrett. At least he was still around. Kieran had moved on as well as Angus. No one had told him about Sioda, and the one time he'd mentioned her name, Harry had turned a bit red, and Ginny had pursed her lips, and neither of them had said anything. Brogan got the distinct impression Sioda was off-topic, which was okay with him. He'd never much cared for her, even with her striking beauty and auburn hair.
He tiptoed into the shared sitting room and was happy to see the fire still going strong. He'd requested tea and coffee the night before from the kitchens and peeked outside the door, smiling when he saw it had already been delivered. They'd also included some of their dark chocolate biscuits, thank Merlin. There was nothing that coffee and chocolate couldn't solve, Brogan was sure.
He had just got everything the way he liked it on the coffee table in front of the big, plushy red sofa (a piece of furniture that reminded him of something, but he couldn't say what) when Ginny came out of the bedroom. She hastily pulled a dressing gown around her shoulders. However, Brogan still caught sight of a rather skimpy blue nightgown underneath and politely averted his eyes, trying not to blush. If she'd noticed, she didn't let on and only yawned widely at him.
"Can't sleep?" she asked, coming over and sitting down next to him.
"Had a few eventful…dreams," Brogan admitted but didn't elaborate. No one needed to know about his inner mind's sexy thoughts, did they?
"Hmm," Ginny said, nodding in understanding. She poured herself a cup of tea and then closed her eyes as she took in a deep sip. She bit her lip as she opened her eyes again and then glanced at him. Brogan let his eyes follow the line of her hair, its fiery red strands causing his stomach to swoop a bit. He couldn't help it if he thought she was fit, could he? Her skin appeared flushed, even in the soft glow of the firelight. The aforementioned hair was an absolute bird's nest, which made him smirk for some reason. But he hid it behind his coffee cup. There was a definite scent about Ginny, too, as if…
Brogan suddenly had an idea of why his dreams had been so naughty and vaguely wondered if Harry was the type of bloke that always fell asleep right after.
"No, not usually," Ginny said, taking another sip. "But he's not been sleeping well and was a bit knackered." She picked up one of the biscuits, took a small bite, and gave him a rather bold look. Brogan felt his cheeks heat but then frowned.
"And how exactly did you-"
"You just had a certain look on your face, one that I know well. Or used to know. And well, I had a feeling when I saw that you were up that we may have been the cause for it."
Brogan noticed she didn't apologize. He didn't say anything in response, staring into his coffee instead. He finally broke the silence with a question. "Did that used to happen a lot then?"
Ginny shrugged and sat back against the sofa arm, studying him. "It used to. Back before the three of us were…us."
"When did we…I mean, how did it all happen?" Brogan asked, his curiosity suddenly blazing into life. He'd dared not ask that question before for some reason, but now he found that he wanted to know.
Ginny's lips twisted into an affectionate smile. "It was…well, you and I had had a bit of a row, really." She waved her hand in between them. "Aine stuff, nothing important." Brogan snorted at that.
"And Harry pointed some things out to me that…well, it was just stuff I'd been trying not to feel, let's put it that way. He's the one who started it, by the way—you and him. But I quickly went along with it. One of the best decisions of my life."
She winked at him and smiled, and Brogan felt his stomach swoop again. But he frowned as he considered her words.
"You mean Harry and I were? I mean, I just can't…no offense, Ginny, but you and me? Now that I can understand. You're…well, you're lovely, really, but I just can't wrap my head around me being attracted to another man enough to…." Brogan stopped and saw that she was listening rather intensely to him and suddenly felt stupid. After a moment of thinking through his words, he continued. "I reckon I just never considered it before this. I don't think it's wrong or anything stupid like that. But I just…I don't feel it now. I have to say I can't imagine ever fancying another bloke that much."
Ginny sighed and rested her hands on her chin, gazing at him. "You really don't feel anything when you look at Harry?"
Brogan frowned. "He's…he's very nice, and he's been super supportive, and I can tell he knows me. But as far as…I'm sorry, but as I said, I just can't wrap my head around it."
"You don't have to apologize, Brogan. You told me before that you'd never thought of another bloke that way, and I believed you then. If you don't feel it now, you don't. But I just wish that you wouldn't…."Ginny paused, and her eyes were warm and full of emotion as she looked at him. "Just don't rule things out. For Harry's sake as well as for your own. You two, you two are amazing together, whether you believe it or not. And maybe we all just need to give it more time. You're seeing the special healer later today, right?"
Brogan nodded. Avery had come through and set up an appointment for him to see a Mind-Magic Healer, one of the best in all of Great Britain, apparently. He was looking forward to meeting them, but a small part of Brogan thought they too would be unable to help him. It'd been a week and still nothing. He'd taken the Remembrance Potion, and he was still no closer to remembering a damn thing about the two people who were almost desperate to have him in their life, it seemed. A part of Brogan was flattered, and another part of him was scared out of his pants.
"You know, you may have to go back to employing your old tricks to keep us out of your head," Ginny said, thoughtfully, unaware of where his thoughts had gone.
"Oh? And what tricks were those?"
"You dealt with it by learning Occlumency because it originally creeped me out when I found out that you could sense it every time we…well, you know."
Brogan felt shocked. He didn't know Occlumency, did he? And why could he sense the couple before they'd all joined? The familiar sense of being lost seemed to bloom open inside of him again, and he groaned internally. He was doomed to have complicated relationships, and that's all there was to it.
Just then, the bedroom door opened, and Harry came wandering out, looking even more disheveled than Ginny – his black hair was standing straight up in all directions. He hadn't bothered with a dressing gown at all, just a pair of pajama bottoms. Brogan realized with some dismay that they had actually been his pajama bottoms once upon a time. He realized he was staring at the other man and averted his eyes, feeling decidedly peculiar suddenly. There was a ghost of a smirk on Ginny's face as she glanced at him, as though something had shown on his face. She turned and kissed Harry on the cheek as he sat down.
"Is there tea?" Harry asked, yawning. Ginny nodded and handed him a cup as Brogan watched on, noting she put a fair amount of sugar in the cup. She grinned aside at him, her voice a mock-whisper.
"He usually likes pumpkin juice, so extra sweet is the best way to wake him up."
"Shut it," Harry mumbled, but he sipped his tea happily enough, Brogan noticed.
"Well, I reckon I'll shower," Ginny said, breaking the awkward silence that had descended. Brogan was still feeling odd, and Harry was, quite plainly, still half-asleep. Ginny gave Brogan an almost knowing look and wandered back to their bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her. Brogan had no idea what that had been about.
A moment later, he sort of understood as Harry stretched rather unabashedly and moved closer to his side of the sofa, completely unaware. Brogan felt a hot and cold feeling sweep through him and poured himself another cup of coffee to distract himself. He struggled to come up with a topic of conversation. He said the first thing that popped into his head that wasn't a comment about Harry's state of rather lovely, (no, not lovely!) simple undress.
"Ginny mentioned I erm, used to practice Occulmency? Uh, before? Do you know who taught me so I can get lessons again?"
Harry blinked at him, green eyes suddenly alert and bright. He nodded as he put more sugar in his tea. "I taught it to you, actually."
"Really? There wasn't anyone…I mean, Headmaster Dumbledore-"
"Dumbledore wanted…well, a very disagreeable person to do it, which I could immediately see that you didn't want, so I offered to do it. Which is what the old man wanted to begin with." Harry sounded amused, and he appeared lost in a memory from another time.
"Our connection was so bad that I needed Occulmency to cope with it?"
Harry pursed his lips. "Not at first, no. You told us you made a mistake when you…hmm. Look, Ginny was kidnapped, and you helped me get her back. You did some…empathic thing that I still don't understand and connected the three of us. I rescued her and called her back to the school because of whatever it was you did. I was very grateful." Harry gave him a serious look and then continued. "But you said you'd screwed up, that you kept feeling everything we felt, and it didn't fade like it was supposed to. Especially all the deep, intense emotional things like sex-"
"Oh, God. I created Emotional Resonance. Oh, of all the bloody… Merlin's pants, I'm a crap Empath!"
Harry frowned at his outburst but didn't say anything. Brogan swore a litany of insults at himself in his head. No wonder he'd been able to sense them – he'd done the one thing that Empaths weren't supposed to do! He felt anger at himself and didn't realize he'd tightened his hands into fists until he felt his nails digging into his skin.
"It doesn't matter," Harry said, his voice soft. He had been watching Brogan, apparently sensing his inner turmoil a bit because there was a kind look on his face. He reached out and touched Brogan's arm briefly. "Stop beating yourself up over something that happened so long ago that I can't even remember how it felt." Harry pulled his hand away as though just remembering he preferred they not touch him. Brogan frowned as he felt the tiniest bit bereft at the loss.
"Besides," Harry continued, glancing away but then finally looking back, a heartfelt expression on his face. "I can't hate something that…brought you into my life, Brogan. And regardless of what happens next in our lives, I will always cherish the connection between us. You can't…you don't know how much you changed me as a person and as a man. Did you screw up? Perhaps. But we can't change it now. Well, Ginny and I can't, but I suppose you can if you never remember. If you want."
Harry's eyes were wide and dark, and he'd moved closer to him. Usually, Brogan's first instinct was to sit back, but this time he stayed. There was a semblance of…knowing this, whatever this was washing over him. His mind felt strained, as though chomping at the bit to break loose and let him feel what he was supposed to feel. But deep down, all Brogan felt was blank. He did not know the man sitting next to him, could not connect with him as anything other than a stranger. He did not understand why his eyes were drawn to Harry's lips, and he knew the other man had noticed his gaze.
Harry was perfectly still next to him as though afraid to scare him off. Brogan felt confusion, his mind, and his heart both racing. And for the first time, he could understand, maybe in the tiniest, slimmest way possible, that he had once been attracted to the man sitting next to him. But he still couldn't make the leap; he still couldn't make the connection. And he knew he couldn't scratch an itch just to satisfy a curiosity – he didn't want to do that to Harry. Or to Ginny. They didn't deserve him being "experimental" just to sort himself out. No one did.
"I can't…I can't be what you want me to be, Harry," Brogan said now, his voice so low and gruff it sounded strange to his own ears. "You and Ginny keep trying, but…I can't remember this. And until I do…I can't allow myself to do anything about it."
Harry sighed, and there was a look of profound disappointment that crossed his handsome features. He hid it after a moment, but Brogan had seen it – he'd felt it. Harry sat back and shook his head. He met Brogan's gaze, and like Ginny before him, his look was bold but also a bit wistful.
"Your heart and your mind don't remember, but I think…." Harry eventually said, a frank and weighty expression stealing over his face. "I think your body remembers."
Brogan frowned, not understanding. Harry gave him a small smile and then put his empty teacup down on the table as he stood up. He glanced down at Brogan.
"Reckon I should put some clothes on. We're sorry if we make you uncomfortable. We're not doing it on purpose; I don't think. We're just so used to being relaxed and natural around you. It's hard to move backward." Harry ran a hand through his hair, and Brogan couldn't help it. His eyes traveled upwards, over the other man's torso. There was a flicker of amusement in Harry's eyes when he caught him, but he simply turned and headed back to his bedroom. Brogan sat on the sofa for a long time afterward, unnerved and utterly confused.
Deciding to shower as well, Brogan took a long and decidedly hot one, as though needing the water to browbeat his unruly emotions out of him. He was tempted to have a wank and did so – but he did not think of anyone specifically. Just faceless names and bodies for his imagination, thank you. Just like his dream. Although he was beginning to think he knew exactly who the bodies had belonged to now. A part of him suddenly hated his unconscious mind for being able to enjoy what he could not. So what if right before he'd finished in the shower, he'd imagined laughing, warm brown eyes and amused emerald green ones? It meant nothing. It was just a bloody wank.
But he still felt uneven with himself and tried to meditate before joining Harry and Ginny again. He needed to ground himself, or his Empath abilities were going to go off the rails; he just knew it. But as usual, his attempt was a half-arsed one, and he gave up sooner than later. He heard soft murmuring from the sitting room and assumed someone was back up. Grabbing his book to escape into if he needed it, Brogan decided to brave human contact just one more time.
It was Ginny in the room, playing with their kitten. Ah yes, that little fur ball of terror. As soon as Roisin saw him, she made a beeline for him, meowing the entire time. Ginny giggled as Brogan gave her a hopeless look. She just shrugged, put down the cat teaser she'd been waving about, and curled up on the sofa, watching them. Sighing, Brogan bent down and swooped the kitten into his arm. For some reason, the bloody cat loved him, and he didn't know why.
He didn't dislike cats as a general rule, but he didn't have much use for them either. He had to admit this one was pretty adorable. She immediately began to purr as Brogan sat down next to Ginny. He smirked at her as he held the kitten out to her.
"I think you lost something."
Ginny nodded at him and made no move to take the cat off his hands. "I think she's meant to be yours, and she left me for you of her own free will."
Brogan made a big show of sighing but lifted Roisin higher so that she could snuggle into the crook of his arm more comfortably. Ginny snickered.
"You're a big pushover, and you know it, Brogan."
"Aye. You're undoubtedly right."
A comfortable silence fell between them, and Brogan started petting Roisin, rubbing the spot on her head just behind her ears that she seemed to love so much. He became aware of Ginny watching him and glanced at her.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to stare, but sometimes I still can't believe you're here, sitting two feet away from me and breathing the same air. I simply can't believe…we did it."
"I never thanked you for it," Brogan said after a moment. She raised an eyebrow at him.
"You risked a lot. And you spent a lot of time worrying about getting me back, and even though I came back wrong, I did want you and Harry to know that I do appreciate it."
"You didn't come back wrong, Brogan," Ginny said, reaching her hand out, and she finally rested it on his leg, squeezing slightly.
"I didn't come back right." He laughed but didn't look at her. Even he could hear the hollow sound in his voice.
"Only because I screwed up," Ginny said softly. Almost too softly, and he frowned, glancing at her. She was staring off into the distance as though seeing something that wasn't there.
"Ginny, I don't know much about opening portals, but I would imagine you have to be extremely focused, and it probably takes a huge amount of magical power. The fact that you found me, managed to bring me back in one piece is bloody amazing, and you know it."
"It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be," she said, frowning. "I expected there to be more…issues?" She paused and gazed at him. Her expression was full of something that Brogan couldn't name, exactly. It was affectionate, and yet there was something else there. Ginny caught herself and shook her head ruefully.
"I reckon that with all my worries and anxieties, I never once imagined you coming back with no memory."
"Well, I do aim to be unexpectedly expected," Brogan said dryly, and she chuckled. He realized it was too quiet in their room. "Where's Harry?"
"He's got a floo meeting with a few people and went to use the one in Mr Cosgrove's office."
"He could have used the one in mine," Brogan offered and then blushed when he realized Harry might have wanted privacy.
"It's just about the land he bought and hiring the builders," Ginny assured him, sitting back. "He wants to break ground as soon as we return to London."
Brogan nodded. He wanted to ask when that would be, but he didn't because he knew he wouldn't return. At least, he didn't have plans to, although he hadn't told them that. But he had a feeling Ginny might suspect. Harry had told him she had a touch of his Empath abilities, and Brogan had to admit he'd sensed that about her as well.
"There's…something you should know," Ginny finally continued, and he glanced at her. She looked anxious. She ran her hand along the back of the sofa cushion, pulling at a loose thread that was there.
"Other than everything else you two have told me so far? Can't wait. Did I take up Hippogriff taming? Dragon wrangling?" Brogan smirked at her to lighten the mood. "Did I used to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts completely starkers or something?"
Ginny rolled her eyes. "You know you didn't. No, this is…well, I'm not even sure I should bring it up yet but it explains one of the reasons why Harry needed to use the other floo. It um, concerns your father."
Brogan felt himself freeze, not sure he had understood or heard her right. They had met his father?
Ginny took a deep breath, apparently sensing his unease. "He is in your life now, or, well, he's in all of ours. Solace helped the Order during the war. He gave us use of a house when we needed it after Voldemort attacked the school and he let us stay in his flat in London. We used it as the Headquarters for the Order. You two had…come to an understanding about the past, and you were working on your relationship."
Brogan gently put Roisin on the other side of the sofa and slowly turned to face Ginny. She was biting her bottom lip, apparently already guessing what his reaction might be. "Please tell me you're joking."
"I know it sounds crazy to you, but-"
"Ginny, there is no way in hell I would ever want to let that man into my life."
"Brogan, it was difficult for you…you fought with him when you found out he'd been helping us, you were miserable at first, but…."
"There is nothing that man could have told me that would change my mind about him, and that is the truth," Brogan said stubbornly. He wondered if he was slowly losing his mind. What was next? His mum wasn't dead?
"He had letters from your mum, and you let Harry and me read them. We talked about it a lot. They helped change your mind about him. He has been trying to build a relationship with you-"
"Yeah, I bet. What does he want? Solace Ward always wants something," Brogan said, not being able to keep the venom out of his voice.
Ginny sighed and ran her hand absentmindedly through her hair. She gave him a miserable sort of look. "Harry told me not to mention him, but I can't keep this from you. Solace is…he's very concerned about you. He knows that we'd planned to get you back. He even helped in a small way-"
"Could we not talk about this?" Brogan suddenly stood, a headache starting to bloom behind his right eye. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and closed his eyes to keep the room from spinning. She could not be telling the truth. Brogan could not imagine being in the same room as his father. Not now. Not when he was like this.
"He wants to visit with you. He's been pleading with us since-"
"No!" Brogan hadn't meant to yell quite so loudly, and Ginny was surprised too, as she looked warily at him. She gave him a long look and eventually nodded as she sighed again.
"I'm sorry, Brogan. I just thought it was right that you should know. I understand, truly I do. And we are not going to push you into having a relationship with him now."
Brogan snorted. "Merlin's balls, I am so tired of hearing that. Neither of you wants to push me, and yet here I am, pushed up against a rock and a hard place. Fuck. I'm going for a walk."
Brogan left before she could talk him out of it or call him back. It was only after the door had slammed loudly behind him that he realized Ginny hadn't attempted to do either.
"Harry, do you think Brogan came back…different?"
Ginny watched as he paused his drawing and pushed his hair out of his face. They were in their study, where she had been trying to read, while Harry worked on his house plans. Brogan, who had not come back for a long while, was meeting with the Healer from St Mungo's. He had flatly told them not to crowd him and that he would go without them. They'd been forced to stay behind and bide their time, and neither of them had enjoyed it so far.
Harry sighed as he thought about her question. "Yes. And no. He feels different, but that's because this is a him we don't really know all that well. This is a Brogan who thinks he still had a year left of study and a year left to figure out his career path. This is a Brogan who got robbed of hearing his prophecy, and I can imagine he feels as though…he feels as though he's spinning out of control. Everything in his life is the same and yet utterly different."
Ginny nodded. She hadn't told Harry yet that she'd tried to tell Brogan about Solace. She had a feeling he knew something had transpired, just based on the look he'd given her after Brogan had left in a huff. She wasn't sure what she'd thought she would accomplish by telling him about his father, but she now regretted it. But still, the depth of his reaction had bothered her. Perhaps she had just forgotten how bitter Brogan was about the whole thing in the beginning. Because this was also a Brogan who had not had to question what it meant to be in a family; he did not know about her miscarriage. He didn't understand how much he had changed.
She realized Harry was still staring at her, and Ginny sighed, pushing her other thoughts away.
"I told him about Solace."
If Harry was surprised, he didn't show it, but he frowned at her. "Ah. I see. That explains a lot."
"I think…I think we're pushing him away," Ginny said, frowning. "Even though we don't mean to. I think this is becoming too much for him."
Harry rested his head on his hand, looking sad. "I agree."
Ginny met his gaze. "What are we going to do about it?"
"Not do that?" Harry asked. He barked out a bitter laugh. "I don't know, Gin. I want…I know we both want him to be him again, but…."
"We're fouling it up, aren't we?"
Harry gave a reluctant nod of his head. "I think we are, yeah."
"I look at him, and I just…I want to be with him, you know?" Ginny continued. "I want him to smile at me and share things with me. It's like he's so…shut off now. He doesn't trust us."
"I think he does, just not in the way that we're used to," Harry said, frowning.
"I don't know how to be any other way with him," Ginny said, feeling bereft.
Harry nodded. "Yeah. I get that, and I even said something similar to him. But we have to sort of realize he just doesn't know us, Gin. We're strangers to him, as much as I'm pained to admit."
They fell into a miserable sort of silence, and the only sound was Hedwig occasionally hooting from her perch on the bookshelf. Roisin had curled around Harry's feet for a nap and slept on, innocent of her human's heartache and sorrow. For a moment, Ginny even envied the kitten – she couldn't remember the last time she'd been in such a blissful state.
Just then, Brogan's swan Patronus swept into the study, asking them to meet him in Mr Cosgrove's office. They looked at each other, and Ginny suddenly felt a bit worried. What if the healer had found something bad?
Harry managed to extract himself without waking up Roisin, and he took hold of her hand, squeezing it. He ducked his head down and kissed her gently, and he rubbed the side of her cheek with his thumb.
"All of us just need time, I reckon. But don't give up Gin."
"I'm not, but I think he might be. Maybe we should ask for another set of rooms for him. I thought, at first, our presence would be a good thing, but I think we're just pushing him further away."
Harry sighed and pulled her in for a hug. "Come on, let's see what's going on."
They made their way to the office, and the door was already open, which she thought was a good sign. Still, Harry knocked politely on it to announce their arrival. Brogan was sitting in a chair across from the desk, looking a lot less angry. He was talking to a brown-haired man who had warm, umber-colored skin and handsome features. He was probably in his mid-thirties, and he looked more like an Auror in his maroon robes than a Healer. He seemed very professional and posh to Ginny but friendly. The pair looked up as Harry knocked, and for a moment, Ginny could have sworn the old Brogan was gazing back at them – he looked at peace for the first time since she'd brought him back.
"Ah, the couple of the hour! Hello, you must be Harry and Ginny. I'm Healer El Fadil, but please, call me Sid; everyone does. Tad easier to pronounce, I dare say." He greeted each of them, and Ginny liked him almost as soon as they'd stop shaking hands. His grip was firm yet not overpowering, and he had a boyish charm about his smile that she instantly liked.
"I was just telling Brogan here I met his Mum once when she was in London. Fascinating woman! A very talented Clairsentient. I was merely a student and far too young for her when we met. Still, I think I went away from her lecture on healing with emotions half in love with her, which she undoubtedly sensed and was very kind about. She was a charmer and a half. Please, take a seat."
Sid flourished his wand briefly, and another chair appeared as Ginny took the one in the middle. He also made the door close behind them. He perched himself on the edge of Mr Cosgrove's desk, his foot swinging back and forth, and Ginny spotted a pair of purple and cool-looking muggle type of trainers on his feet.
"First things first, as I told Brogan here, he's in perfect health. Which in and of itself, I'd be suspicious about, but he assures me he's the nebbish sort and doesn't get out much to have giant scars over his body. So there's not even a scratch on him."
"But, he has a faint scar on his back. You saw that, didn't you?" Harry interrupted, frowning.
"I do?" Brogan asked, looking shocked.
"Yeah, you got cut by a nasty blade," Ginny said. "It happened when you rescued me from Hogwarts when Voldemort attacked. It healed fine, but you've had a scar since."
She glanced at Healer El Fadil, who was pursing his lips at Brogan. The healer nodded at the other man, and Brogan stood up and moved so that the other man could lift the back of his shirt. Brogan's cheeks burned, and Ginny looked away, in case her gawking at him was making him uncomfortable.
"No indication of a scar, hmm, that is interesting. Very interesting," El Fadil was saying to himself. He waved his wand over Brogan's shoulder, and whichever spell he cast showed green, which Ginny thought must be a good sign. Brogan lowered his shirt and went back to his seat, looking troubled.
"It doesn't look as though there was a wound there at all," Sid was saying, and Ginny shook her head.
"But there was! I attempted to heal it the muggle-way when it first happened, and he also lost a tremendous amount of blood. The Healer that finally looked at it managed to get the wound to close, but he said Brogan would always have a scar."
"Yeah, you said it wasn't as cool as mine, which was why it was on your back and not your head," Harry joked, looking at Brogan.
The other man gave them a weak smile and looked at the healer. "What do you think it means that it's…gone?"
Healer El Fadil looked thoughtful and retook his seat on the edge of the desk. "I think it means you have been completely healed from head to toe, as I surmised earlier. From what I understood about what I saw in your head, you were near death when you entered into this portal You-Know-Who-"
"Voldemort, please," Harry said. "Or Tom Riddle if you can't manage that."
Sid bowed his head to Harry, looking contrite, and then continued. "Right. So if-"
"Wait, the Well of Aine has healing properties," Ginny interrupted, her memory of reading about it coming back to her. "It was known to have natural powers of rejuvenation!"
"And Brogan told us, erm, well, he told me, before he left the Well, that Aine had saved him from death, that he was supposed to have died after he left us."
"You've been rebooted, Brogan!" Sid said, chuckling. When he saw what Ginny could only imagine were utter blank looks from all of them, the healer cleared his throat. "Sorry, muggle term. Basically, whatever happened to you in this magical Well gave you a new everything."
"Does that include my brain? Shouldn't I have forgotten everything then and not just last year?"
Healer El Fadil looked pensive for a moment. "You said it felt as though you'd been away for almost a year, correct?"
Brogan nodded, and Ginny had to think that the discussion the two men had had before she and Harry had joined them must have been very in-depth.
"Hmm, it might explain why the memory loss is just for the last year of your life, or as I said earlier, there still might be a less magical, more mundane answer. But suffice it to say, the memories are there, Brogan. You're just…blocked. We just need to figure out how to let them come through."
The healer looked at Harry and Ginny. "Brogan allowed me to have a look-see around in his head for a bit. I was able to see his final moments. Furthermore, I connected him to a short, early memory of you two, which is an excellent sign. And I had an entire plan for treatment laid out based on that success, but this thing with the natural healing has thrown a bit of a Fwooper's tail into it, I must say. But still, hmm, I wonder…."
Harry and Ginny had both turned towards Brogan while the healer was speaking. Ginny could feel Harry's excitement through the bracelet.
"Which memory?" Harry asked.
Brogan blushed again and but nodded his head at them. "He showed me the memory of when we first met. At the dock to take the boat to the Abbey. Erm, you didn't like me much, did you? Well, you did, Ginny, I reckon. It was…interesting."
"You showed you. All I did was wrestle it out for you," Sid said, smiling. He glanced at Harry and Ginny. "I think Brogan's memory block is more of an emotional one, or it could be because he did not take the potion you told him about-"
"The Remembrance Potion," Ginny said. "We did give it to him, but I reckon it was just…too late."
"Would you mind terribly if I could get a list of the ingredients for that potion, Ginny?" Sid asked. "I want to see if it is similar to the standard type of potion for memory work or if there is anything special about it. Or something about why it needed to be taken before he returned to this time."
Ginny nodded. "Of course."
"What was this plan of yours for treatment that you mentioned?" Harry asked, glancing at Brogan.
"He wants me to visit places that have emotional importance to me," Brogan said. "Places where I might be tempted to remember."
"Yes, as far as I can tell, since coming back, you three have been at the inn of a friend that Brogan sort of knew from his past, and then here, correct?"
Ginny and Harry both nodded at Sid. Ginny didn't think she needed to explain that traveling around while Brogan didn't know who they were hadn't seemed the best plan of action at the time.
"And neither place held any memories of the three of you together, correct?"
"Erm, not really," Harry said. "But Brogan wanted to come back to the Abbey, so...here we are."
"It's because I know it…erm, well, knew it. Sid thinks I just wanted to feel secure." Brogan gave them a sheepish look as though it was all an inconvenience to them. Ginny felt the compulsion to hold his hand in reassurance. He still didn't understand that they'd do anything to help him feel like himself again.
"Since there are no physical reasons of why Brogan can't remember, and I can't detect any spells around him, I'm going with my gut. I'm concluding for now that it is an emotional block. I want the three of you to make an effort to talk about good, solid memories that you share. Happy ones, pleasurable ones, you name it. And I think if there is a special place for the three of you, I want you to visit it if you can. I want you also to try to use a Pensieve, together and individually, but only if visiting the places doesn't work. Use emotional memories, too. I think because Brogan is an Empath, he will respond better to those. I've left my contact information with Brogan, and if anything happens or he has a reaction. One of you contact me, and I will do what I can to be here, or wherever you are, as soon as possible."
"But…" Harry paused and then frowned. "But why is it an emotional block? If you had success giving him a memory back with Legilemency today, why can't you just do that again for all of them?"
"Because the mind is a tricky thing, Harry. And if I force Brogan to remember while I'm in there, moving things around, it could cause the memories to slip even deeper. I was successful today because it was a small, innocent memory. Memories with more emotions attached to them are infamously harder to dig out once the mind has perceived them as a threat."
"But that still doesn't explain why he's got an emotional block," Ginny said, feeling frustrated. "He was very happy before when it happened, and he seemed happy when we visited him in the Well, so I reckon I don't understand why this has happened now that he's home?"
"It could be any number of reasons, Ginny," Sid said, voice earnest. "You and Harry did nothing wrong, and Brogan did nothing wrong either. But the truth is that a major magical and mystical occurrence happened in his life – near death, if not actual death. Judging by the injuries he suffered before going into the portal-" Sid held up his hand when Ginny opened her mouth to interrupt with a question. "Sorry, I should have said earlier, but I've read the file the Ministry has on the whole incident, and I read it before agreeing to come and meet the three of you. Judging by what you two described, Brogan most likely would have died were it not for magical interference, and that leaves an impression on a person's soul."
Ginny glanced at Harry and saw that he was deep in thought. She reckoned the healer had a point, and neither she nor Harry had considered it in just that light. She suddenly felt bad for feeling impatience and for questioning Brogan's attitude the last week. She turned to their friend, needing to apologize.
"I am so sorry, Brogan, for earlier. I don't mean to push you. Please, please tell me you know that."
"Neither of us does," Harry said next to her.
Brogan smiled at them. "I know. And I don't mean to be so…prickly. Talking with Sid here sort of helped calm me down. Also, getting a memory back was…well, it was a nice experience, and it felt like a part of me clicked back into place in some small way."
"I'm also going to prescribe a sleeping draught," Sid interjected. "He needs rest. And he needs to let his subconscious mind explore and try to remember things on its own. Now, I also have a few ideas of what you can do for some quote-unquote "therapy," and it involves Occulmency, so Harry tell-"
Ginny left the three men talking as she went to get the Waystone book for Sid to look at and get the ingredients for the potion. She felt hope bloom in her heart. If it wasn't a magical or physical block causing his memories to be missing, Ginny felt that he would surely be the old Brogan sooner rather than later.
Healer El Fadil traveled back to London via the floo, by special permission, of course, and realized he had just enough time to check-in before his shift at St Mungo's. He logged in at the Ministry of Magic and headed to the lifts, which had finally been repaired since the Defeat of Voldemort.
He nodded at a few people he knew, but he was distracted, and it must have shown because no one stopped to talk to him. An ex-partner had once told him that he had a serious Do Not Disturb face, and he knew he was probably wearing it now. It had the power to keep Merlin himself away, apparently.
The Caley case was intriguing him. The Empath had the memories; Sid had seen them. He'd seen more than he'd let on, but he'd saved that for another time. He wasn't exactly sure why Caley was blocking them, but he was confident they'd be able, in time, to get to the route of the issue. It still could be a magical problem, since of course, the man had been stuck in an alternate dimension. Sid wasn't overruling the idea just yet. He patted the side pocket of his robe to make sure he still had the copy of the Waystone book Ginny Weasley had made for him. He would recreate the potion and then break it down to see if that held any clues.
But, he knew his boss (and this would be his real boss, not his Healer in Charge at the hospital) was anxious for a report, so down to Level 9 he went, still deep in thought. The cool quiet of the Department of Mysteries fell over him like a soothing balm, and Sid paused, enjoying the silence. He did love being an Unspeakable most of the time, he had to admit. Thankfully, all of the hubbub and commotion after Harry Potter had turned their Department into a tourist attraction had died down, and the floor was back to almost semi-normal. Well, as normal as the Department of Mysteries could get, he supposed.
He entered his office after bypassing the "fake" door most people thought led to their offices. Instead, he entered through a small broom cupboard that was, without a doubt, bigger on the inside.
He knocked once on his boss's door and waited to hear a gruff 'Enter' before turning the knob.
The Head of the Unspeakable Department (of course, no one except the Minister and the people under him knew he was the Head), Nigel McFarrin, grunted at him as he entered. He was smoking a cigar and had his feet up on his desk, a bottle of Ogden's at his side. He looked simultaneously like a fat-cat businessman enjoying the comforts of his wealth and a persnickety old grouch ready to snap at you for standing on his robes or speaking too loud. Sid thought he was probably in possession of one of the most impressive minds in all of the Wizarding World. Still, he was also as cantankerous as he looked, and he could most definitely bite worse than his bark. No one ever crossed Nigel and lived to remember it. He'd simply have you Oblivated, and you'd never even know what you did, let alone what he'd done. He ruled with a soft yet iron fist – he was fair, but heaven help you if you hacked him off. Sid tried to always stay on his good side.
"Well?" Nigel asked now, blowing a perfect ring of smoke into the air.
Sid took the seat in front of the desk as Nigel gazed at him solemnly. After a beat, Nigel nodded sharply at him, and with a flourish of his wand, a second glass of whiskey appeared, and it was sliding across the desk towards him. Sid smiled.
"You know I'm due at Mungo's soon."
"Drink it anyway. What are they gonna do? Fire you? They wouldn't dare. You know you don't have to actually do shifts there anymore, right?"
Sid smirked, but he did not take the whiskey. Nigel rolled his eyes, and then suddenly, Sid's glass filled with water instead. Sid tilted his head in acknowledgment and pulled the Waystone book out of his pocket.
"She gave me this. I thought you might like first crack at it. I'll pick it up tomorrow."
He slid the slim book towards his boss and took a drink of his water as Nigel flipped through it.
"There's not too many things unknown in this, but…I'll give it to Croaker to have a look-see, though. What else?"
"He's definitely returned 100% human, so no worries there," Sid said dryly. Nigel snorted and sat back in his chair again. There had been odds on Caley coming back half-faery or some such thing. He wondered briefly if Nigel had placed any bets himself.
"So? Magical in origin?"
"Not sure. It could be emotional. But they are there, and we'll get them."
"Hmm." Nigel looked thoughtful. "What about the girl?"
"She's clever. They both are. Are you sure we don't want Potter-"
"Potter's case is special."
"Right. I know, but-"
"Leave it, Sid. Do you think she'd be open to it, though?"
Sid sighed. "To be honest? I think she is very much focused on Caley and starting her life at this point. I think if we were to approach her now, she might run away. Or flat out say no. As Cresswell believes, I think we need to give her a bit more time to grow up a bit."
"I corralled you at a young age," Nigel said, smirking at him. "You knew what you wanted when you were Weasley's age."
"I was a newly-orphaned Hogwarts graduate whose parents had been killed by Death Eaters, and I weighed 20 pounds when wet. I was also full of more than enough youthful anger and ambition to do something with myself no matter what. Ginny Weasley is none of those things."
"We'll see," Nigel said, shrugging. "The Weasley tenacity is famous, don't underestimate it. So, when are you seeing them next?"
"They're going to travel to a couple of places to see if they can jog his memories that way. I'll see them in two weeks if nothing happens."
"Make it a week."
"I think he just needs time-"
"We may need to speed things up then. There's been some leaks."
Sid felt alarmed. "What? Who?"
"I took care of it. But suffice it to say we are not the only people interested in Ginny Weasley and her ability to open portals and fetch loved ones back from beyond. Or, perhaps the interest was more about the three of them. They did seem rather focused on those bloody bracelets."
"Oh, yeah, I'd almost forgot. Caley's bracelet has become a part of him."
Nigel stared at Sid as though he'd just spoken Gobbledegook. Sid was pretty sure he hadn't. He wasn't that fluent in it, for one thing.
"Well, hell." Nigel finally said. Sid felt nervous, and it wasn't often his mentor was gobsmacked.
"Why? What's the issue?"
Nigel sighed and swung his feet off his desk, signaling that his mood had changed to a more serious one. He stabbed his cigar forcefully into his ashtray and raised his eyebrow as he gazed at Sid.
"It just bloody well complicates things, that's what. Tell me, Sid, what do you know about the Irish God of Thunder, Taranis, and his return to our world?"
o-o-o-o-o
