So I'm an attention whore. I got the chappie done on Thursday and wanted to get reviews. Sue me.

I disclaim everything that I don't own. That should be good enough for you corporate losers eh?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Angel Memories: Chapter 19

Mode: Trauma

(schizophrenia Remix)

The inn was a cozy place and cost next to nothing. Soon enough, I settled into the room I had been supplied and found the most defensible position. I tended not to sleep in beds, there was something dangerous about them. Clearly, if the enemy was lacking in intelligence and unprepared, but stealthy, the first target in a night raid would be the bed. Then, in spite of my own preparation, I would be dead before I could wake up. Sleeping in the corners always seemed to put my mind at rest. After listening for any type of conceivable danger, I soon fell into an uneasy sleep.

Somehow, my eyes were open again. Was I dreaming? I hadn't dreamed in years. Hojo would want to hear about this. Why does this feel like déjà vu? Very strange, but not my responsibility. If I worry about this, it might affect my performance on the mission. I'll just take in what I see and relay it to Hojo for his analysis.

Bright white room stretched out before me. In the center of it, a young girl sat and stared down intently at a book. Smooth blonde hair cascaded over one shoulder. A bead of sweat formed and began to roll gently down a pale cheek. It was halted by a finger, covered in a black glove. It reached out and wiped the droplet away.

"Thank you," said the girl.

Behind her, five tall figures wearing identical black robes stood, looking carefully on as the girl drew carefully on the page. The one furthest to the left retracted his hand from the girl's face and wiped it on its side.

"Not too worry, you're going to need any help you can get in any way." It was definitely a man's voice, but it was quiet and frightening, completely devoid of emotion and unbelievably cold. "According to what you said earlier, nothing terrible happens until they get into the reactor."

Is he talking about the mission? Something terrible? Hmph…dreams are just dreams, they don't really impact the real world, no matter how much Hojo and his crew look for comparisons. I shouldn't concern myself about these things, just remember and relay them to the people who really care. Even with my extensive training though, I found myself worrying slightly about this girl and her companions.

One of the hooded men leaned back and forth, trying to find the correct foot to lean on before speaking. "So…can you like skip over some of the stuff?" His voice was high and musical. He tried to sound disinterested and calm but it was painfully obvious how anxious he was. "You know, to save energy or something like that."

Another cloaked figure looked up at the man who had just spoken and shook his head in disgust. "Demyx…that is the most ridiculous idea I have ever-"

He was cut off by the cold voice of the first speaker. "Can you do it? Is there a way to easily 'skip over' the time in between the trite periods to the trauma?" Beside him, the man who had been interrupted let out a strangled cough of annoyance and looked fiercely at the speaker. After a moment, he relented and grunted in agreement, returning his gaze to the young girl.

Her eyes, which had been trained carefully on the page in her lap, turned upwards to look at the face of the emotionless man that stood behind her. She gave a pained smile and nodded. "Yes, I could do that. Normally I would require another room to fast forward through a memory as long as this but…with all of you here, I can do it. And it will be easier than portraying the entire thing."

"Fantastic, anything to accomplish the objective."

The girl blinked and a single tear fell out of her sleepless eyes and cascaded down her pale cheek. "Is it really…" she began but soon shook her head. "No. It is necessary, I know that." She nodded emphatically and looked gravely around at the semicircle of hooded figures. "I'll need your assistance to speed through the section. As soon as he wakes up, lend me some of your energy and that should be enough."

"Whatever it takes," chorused the group behind her.

When I wake up? Why does this all feel so relevant to me? As my mind raced through the possibilities, the white room began to fade away. What are they talking about? No. It's not my place to worry about this, such thinking will only get in the way of the mission, for now, I should simply wake up and hope the guide has made her way back to the town.

I opened my eyes.

A camera flashed and the young girl posed with Zack and myself. There weren't that many random encounters with the local monsters and they soon learned to stay away from our motley crew.

GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE IT CONSUMES YOU!

The bridge doesn't look terribly safe, but the girl, Tifa says that it will support us. Dammit, what an unprofessional thing to do. This will set us back hours. How rare it is to see a Mako fountain this day in age. Back on the path, excellent and there's the reactor. Finally, we're here.

I turned to the Zack and the men. "Alright, in spite of the…setbacks…we've reached the reactor more or less in one piece. According to intelligence, we don't know what's in here." I glanced around the group for a moment. Zack smiled and gave a surreptitious thumbs up. What was he doing that for? My gaze soon fell on Tifa. "You'll be required to stay out here. Shinra personnel only past the doorway."

"But…" she began to complain, scrunching up her shoulders and furrowing her brow.

"It is the law and I will be forced to restrain you should you attempt to enter the facility.

The girl cringed and shuffled uncomfortably. Zack looked at me and then to Tifa. "Look, we can't go bending the rules for every pretty girl we meet, ok?"

Tifa looked up from the ground and nodded with a pouting expression. "Yea…I figured as much."

I didn't see what there was to discuss. The law is the law and can't be changed on a whim. If the girl wanted to see the inside of the reactor so badly, she should petition a change or start working for Shinra. Whining would get her no where. And speaking of no where, it was time to get to work.

"Zack and I will enter the facility and scout out the problem. Everyone else stand guard and provide back up should it be requested." Zack gave Tifa another sympathetic glance and then jogged past me and up the metal stairway. I watched him enter the facility, unsheathing his enormous sword as he went and throwing me a hasty salute. When the shadows of the interior had swallowed him, I turned back to the group in front of me. "Does everyone understand their responsibilities?"

All eyes turned to me and feet clapped together in salute. All hands raised and clapped against helmeted heads. "Yes sir!"

At least they were instructed in proper conduct. "Very well. Keep your radios on. Zack and I should be finished sooner than later." And with that, I turned and walked up the metal stairs and into the shadows of the reactor.

My eyes adjusted instantly to see Zack waiting on a platform below. To my left was a large ladder that seemed to be the only rational way of descending to the lower level. With a small sigh and a shrug, I pushed away from the walkway and onto the ladder. It shook slightly with my weigh and I couldn't help but remember having the same feeling when we had all gotten on that rope bridge earlier today. In spite of my worries, the rickety metal device held and I soon drew level with Zack.

"Any trouble?"

Zack looked at me for a moment and then shook his head. "Nope, the place seems deserted." He scratched his head and placed his sword upon his back again. "If you ask me, it's just another case of Mako spillage and running into a mountain spring somewhere. I don't see why you take these missions anymore. We can send the environmental team to take care of it." He shook his head and let his hand fall to his side. "They'd probably be more qualified even," he grumbled.

Why did he feel that it was necessary to converse on a mission? It only diverts your attention from possible dangers. Zack was one of the least professional members of SOLDIER that I had ever met. Although, he has never failed a mission.

"Let's head into the inner chamber and we'll see if there's anything abnormal," I said with a hint of my authority added in. Zack nodded and yawned, stretching his arms out wide and then shoving his hands in his pockets. I would have loved to give him a swift punch to the gut. The boy just doesn't know his place.

As we approached the enormous doorway, it slid open in true Shinra style. The doors parted and slid into the wall, hissing and giving off steam as they went. Beyond the doorway, the whole room seemed to glow a deep dark red, almost like blood. Not one for dramatic flare, I stepped over the threshold and walked to the base of the stairs.

All around me, in descending rows, sprouted enormous tanks. They bubbled and sat, full of terrible promises and cold metal and fluids. From their rears, large tubes extended backwards and twined together in a wild forest of bubbling liquid that extended up the stairway and into the walls. At the top of the stairs, a single door stood without window or handle. It did not glow or pulse or do anything out of the ordinary but something about that door drew me in and made my blood run hot in my veins. This room meant something, this room had something to do with me.

As I stared in awe and excitement at the scene before me, I felt a small itch at the base of my skull begin to grow slightly. My eyes roamed over the tanks for a moment as Zack stepped through the door behind me and drew up next to me. Even as I grew excited, something inside grew that I felt I couldn't recognize. Something I hadn't felt in decades. What an odd feeling, it nearly overwhelmed me and stopped my breath cold. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I couldn't think. Everything about me shut down except for this rushing and whirling torrent of emotions and the itch at the base of my skull. I needed to see what is in the tanks.

"What do you think all of these-" Zack began with a low voice.

Suddenly my head exploded and the itch grew into a vicious pounding and… "NO NO NO!" Not this place! Not now, not here, not with him! How could they bring this place back to me? "Zack! Get…"

A flash of blonde hair and shadowed hoods exploded into my mind. Zack turned to me with a worried expression and then blinked out of existence.

"GET OUT!"

I needed to see what was in these tanks. Zack turned to me with a forced smile. "What do you think all of these tanks are for?" He walked up to one and ran his hand across the cold metal surface, reaching up to just graze the bottom of the small window.

The feelings that had overwhelmed me receded and I stepped forward, walking slowly to a pod of my own. As I approached, I felt my stomach churn with excitement and that same unknown feeling. Again, the itch began to grow at the base of my skull until it became an incessant clashing against the walls of my mind.

With all of my strength, I hurled myself away from the tank, gasping for breath and clutching at my eyes. I can't look in there! I won't do this again. You can't fucking make me relive this one. As I stumbled backwards, I saw Zack, standing, frozen in time.

"Haha…things aren't quite going as planned, are they?" I laughed through my staggered breaths. All around me, the scenery wavered in response to my taunt and something flashed bright white.

"-all of these tanks are for?" Zack turned to me with a tight smile in place on his lips. His fingers ran over the cold metal surface as he looked at me. I didn't respond to the man's question and instead walked to the nearest pod. It loomed in front of me, ominous and dark. I saw a single bubble rise and disappear as it crossed the one window high on the front of the device.

Why was I so drawn to these capsules? With one hand, I placed my palm on the frigid metal. Something coursed through my skin, causing hairs to rise and my heart to skip a beat. What was this fascinating sensation that could cause me to actually pause in my endeavor?

"It's fear you idiot!" The words fell from my lips before I knew what I was saying. I glanced at Zack who didn't seem to have noticed my outburst. The hand that I had placed on the pod flew to my mouth and I felt something pound inside my skull. This had never happened to me before…what was going-

The metal was frigid to the touch. I nearly withdrew my hand from the surface when I felt my palm tingle with something unknown to me. Across the stairway, Zack was tracing his fingertips across the capsule in awe. Silently, I reached upwards and gripped the small ledge that the single window provided.

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THIS!"

Without much effort, I pulled myself up the frozen pod and peered into the tiny portal at the top.

In a flash I kicked away and caught the railing behind me. Sweat was pouring from my forehead and I nearly vomited with the effort of maintaining control of my body.

"Namine! You little witch if you can hear me then I am begging you to stop this before I-"

Years of strength building made levering myself upwards simple enough. Soon I grew level with the window at the top of the pod. What I found inside nearly made me vomit on the spot. I fell backwards, stomach churning and mind aflame with doubts and questions.

"Sephiroth!" Zack pushed away from his own capsule and dashed over to me. "Are you alright?"

I felt my stomach convulse and bile rise in my throat. What…what are those things?

Zack looked at me and then to the tank in front of us. Without a word he closed the distance and jumped up to peer inside. His reaction was very contained and not nearly as sudden as mine. He lowered himself down and turned to me.

"So…this is probably what's been causing the 'outburst of brutal monsters' then." He looked thoughtfully down at me on the floor. "You know I thought you'd have a stronger stomach for these kinds of things."

Stronger stomach? Didn't he realize? Didn't he understand what these creatures were? A feeling of rage overtook me and brought me to my quivering legs. I stood and glared at the soldier. "Do you know what makes SOLDIER better at what they do than anything else?"

Zack looked at me for a moment and then shrugged noncommittally. "Well when the Turks go looking for candidates, they only pick the best of the best. Other than that, it's the way we are showered with minute doses of Mako to enhance our abilities I guess."

"Exactly…SOLDIER is a unit of superhumans, but they are all still humans." I felt the bile begin to rise in my throat again. "And do you understand what these things are?" I pointed to the pod behind Zack. He turned and glanced up at the window with a shudder before shaking his head.

"Their eyes, Zack." I muttered. "THEIR EYES!" In a flash I had unsheathed Masamune which quivered in my hand in response to my emotions. "These…these things were human once! This is what Mako will do to you!"

Masmaune clattered to the ground. My knees buckled and everything froze in place once again. Zack paused midstep with an expression of terror on his face.

"DAMMIT!" I clutched my throbbing head and closed my eyes. "Why are you doing this?" I felt tears form and fall to the ground below. "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?"

I unsheathed Masamune, my head swirling with a mixture of rage and confusion and the feeling that everything was inexplicably correct. "These…these things were human once! This is what Mako will do to you!" Zack backed away in fear as I stumbled forward. With a arcing swing, Masamune flashed and tore into the pod in front of me. Metal gave way like butter under the assault and I swung again and again.

"I never felt human. I never felt like I belonged." What was I saying? Why was I saying these things. This is completely unprofessional to talk like this in front of a lower officer. But I didn't stop. "Even among SOLDIER I was always two steps ahead of everyone. Why? WHY WAS I ALWAYS SO DIFFERENT!" A dark red liquid began to spurt out from the gashes that I tore into the pods. It sprayed outwards, splashing against my clothing and soaking through to the skin.

"Am I like them? Was I just another…creation?" A laugh began to build inside me as I hacked at the pod. It grew louder and louder until it filled the chamber. "Is this it Gast? IS THIS YOUR BIG FUCKING SECRET?" I slashed once more at the pod in front of me, drawing a new line from which fluid burst forth. Then I stumbled away and let Masamune fall to the floor. Zack looked at me in terror and backed away down the stairs and stopped at the doorway. In front of me, the pod hissed with steam and something unhitched, causing the remaining liquid to pour out of a slowly widening crack in the pod's door.

As the pod door finally opened all the way and the steam had dissipated slightly, something let out a horrendous scream. It shook the tubes and wires and I felt it echo in my bowels. From the inside of the capsule, the beast stumbled forward on legs that had never walked before and fell to the ground, mutated flesh smacking against the metal walkway. It arched its back and howled again before it curled up into the fetal position, shivered once, and grew still again.

"Gast's big secret," I mumbled quietly. I leaned down and pressed my hand against the rapidly decaying tissue of the monstrosity. The skin gave way under the pressure of my fingers and melted as my body heat slowly spread over it. "I must say old man…I am not impressed." I stood up, retrieving Masamune from the ground and placing it in its sheathe. "Although…I wonder what more you have hidden in that mansion of yours…let's take a look shall we?" An itch grew at the base of my skull and grew like a forest fire among the roots of my hair. "Let's see how impressive this all really is."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok…so…I fear for my soul by putting this chapter up at all. I did some research and managed to (much to my horror) find out that my chronology and view of the things that went on in Nibelheim are tragically off base when it comes to details. The general chonology and events are sound…but the details like the fact that Sephiroth was in the back of the truck with everyone else slipped through my fingers. As a defense though, I am prepared to try and play it off as poetic license.

So I know there are a couple things that I got wrong, deal with it. And as for the fast forward thing? Did you want to read about every single event that transpired? I didn't think so.

Thank yous go to Chaos009, I'll read the second chapter soon I promise, heartsoblivion, Vermillion Dragoness, I'm glad you like what you're reading, Manders1953, xsaturnine and Unita.

I don't have anything else to say other than I would love to get reviews on this chapter…cause I was a bit unsure about it cause it is so important and I hope I didn't screw it up.