Blarg here it is im on the phone and tired so im typing with one hand hooray!

I disclaim enough things not to be sued. Meaning all the things that are not mine.

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Angel Memories: Chapter 21

Incompatible Heroism

(walking the fine line)

Steam billowed out and around my ankles as the doors slid open without sound. Gradually, a wall of smoke reached out and wrapped itself around me like vice, drawing me forward into the white abyss. My skin felt chilly and moist from the cloud that surrounded me. Without hesitation, I stepped further into the slowly disappearing mist. For a single instant, it felt as though I was stepping off the face of the planet and would fall forever in the white fog.

Then the steam dispersed and I found myself staring upwards toward salvation. I stood on a metal precipice looking out over a deep hole. The room, I realized was a great shaft that seemed to stretch down into the center of the planet. All around me, in stark contrast to the previous room, a deep blue light pulsed from the ceiling and slowly faded to an aquamarine as it went further and further downwards.

Hundreds of bright chrome pipes sprouted from the walls and crisscrossed constantly as they made their way up or down the shaft. At the end of the ledge in front of me, what looked like a large root extended forward, like a path, to a single platform in the very center of the shaft. The dark brown path was covered in something that resembled scales, but something about it seemed very stable and welcoming.

Why do you hesitate, my child?

"Isn't it grand?" My eye's flickered over the enormous room and downwards to the sea of lifestream below. After a moment, they came to rest on the large statue that stood on the platform in the very center. "This prison they built for you…isn't it grand, mother?" I stepped forward, my heels tapping against the cold metal floor as I walked toward the statue and then off the platform onto the scaled path.

"To think that the sinners of yore would go to such great lengths to keep it all from you." With one last step, my feet came to rest on the final platform at the end of the scaled path. "To think that they would build such a magnificent place in your honor, only to imprison you inside it."

But you are here now. This place is no longer a prison, simply a place of beginnings. What do you propose we do, my child?

From the door behind me, an explosion echoed and footsteps began to mount the stairs leading to the platform. Without turning I unsheathed Masamune and thrust it into the ground at my feet.

"Mother…let's go to the promised land. Let's take back the planet together."

"SEPHIROTH!"

It seems we have lingered here too long.

"Mother, this one has come again."

"Why did you kill everyone in the village!"

"Those useless people…"

"Why did you hurt Tifa?"

Quite the interruption.

"ANSWER ME SEPHIROTH!"

His ultimatum echoed through the room, bouncing against the metal walls and pipes and amplifying itself over and over again until it began to hurt my ears. When the sound had faded away, I felt something begin to build inside me. As it grew, I leaned forward and placed my hands on the face of the statue in front of me.

And I began to laugh.

My laughter filled the room and could nearly fill tears come to my eyes from the sheer delight of my current situation. Finally the boy had made I joke I could understand. After years of attempts, he had finally succeeded in making me laugh. How absurd it would be to answer his questions now. What need does he have to know why I destroyed the village? He would never understand anyway. And yet he asked? Truly laughable.

"She should have become ruler of this planet," I said when my mirth had finally receded. "With her wisdom and kindness, she could have led you all to salvation." The metal of the statue was cold on my bare hands. Gently, I tightened my grip on its face. "But those people…those people tore the world from her hands!"

My muscles tensed and grew as I pulled backwards. Sparks flew as electrical cords snapped and broke and then finally, I threw the disgraceful figurine to the floor. It crashed against the metal and then fell off the side of the platform and down into the lifestream below.

"Mother…"

So good to see you, my child.

Suddenly, a flash of metal flew forward and came to rest at my right shoulder. Glancing briefly to my right, I caught a glimpse of my own Mako eyes in the reflection of the enormous Buster Sword.

"Isn't she beautiful?" I asked. "Don't you think so, Zack?"

"Shut up." Zack's voice sounded hard and sharp, so different than his usual light hearted tone. "Sephiroth…don't think that I can forgive you."

So full of jokes, isn't he?

I let out a low chuckle before lowering my head once again.

"What do I have to be forgiven for?" Zack sneered audibly from behind me at my comment. "I'm not the sinner here…" I felt something begin to itch and then build until it felt as though my scalp were on fire.

"YOU ARE!"

My hand flashed to Masamune and wrenched it from the ground. In a single fluid motion I whipped it around my body and lashed out at Zack. Steel clashed against steel and Zack, seemingly unprepared for my attack, was lifted off his feet and thrown across the room to crash into a large pipe. In a second, he had caught his footing and launched himself at me again. Silently, I smiled and lowered Masamune in preparation for his attack.

And then time stopped. My legs shook and gave way under my own weight and I felt as though I could barely hold Masamune. "Mother…what..?"

"Namine!" Finally I tore my mind back from the grip of the memory. With an intense strain, I lifted myself to my feet again and stumbled backwards against the large tank. Masamune felt heavy and clumsy in my hands which shook with the effort of holding it. "Please…why are you making me do this? It doesn't make any sense."

Look around you.

"Jenova?" I glanced behind me at the tank that held Jenova. "No…Namine?"

Yes. Now please, look around you, then you might understand.

"Why are you?" Suddenly some of the tension that held my body so rigid was released and I stepped away from the tank. It took a moment to steady myself but dinally I found my balance and looked around the room.

Zack was suspended in mid air a mere three feet from where I stood. His hair was drawn back from the rushing of wind past his face and his sword was upraised and ready to strike down on me where I had stood moments ago. His teeth were bared in something of a growl and a sneer of anger.

"His eyes…"

His eyes shone bright with Mako and in that frozen instant, were filled with rage and hatred. Those eyes showed no mercy and would give no quarter to their opponent. Those were the eyes of someone who meant to kill. Meant to kill…me.

If I let you play out this memory as you see fit, you will certainly die. If you were to fight this man without the intent to kill, he would kill you first.

"But…"

Not all people can be saved, Sephiroth. You weren't born a hero. Stop trying to be one. If you continue, you will die.

Masamune flew forward and connected with the Buster Sword. The clash echoed through the shaft and we came face to face for a moment. Zack's breathing was light and deep, like members of SOLDIER were taught to breath during battle to conserve energy. His muscles strained against my own as he pushed forward, trying to drive me into submission.

Something was different now. My body was moving independently, making all the moves it should have…but I felt detached and out of place inside of it. I wasn't telling myself to do all these things. I felt…like I was observing.

"Sephiroth!" Zack's face contorted in anguish. "Tell me…what happened to you?"

Is he so foolish as to think it matters? Doesn't he realize that he is simply another obstacle in between mother and me? Does he think that he will live to think on whatever I tell him? He will die here and be the first sacrifice toward mother!

Why can I hear my own thoughts? Why can I see all these things? Namine…what are you doing?

Zack broke away from me and whirled in a full circle, bringing his massive blade around and straight toward my chest. I saw the gleam of the blade as the blue light glared off of it. In a flash, before my mind could even process what to do, I ducked under the oncoming slash and thrust my fist outwards, catching Zack in the abdomen and sending him flying across the shaft again where he caught himself just in time to land on his feet against a large pipe.

And before I realized what I was doing, I had closed the distance between us and Masamune was already snaking its way forward like a silver blur. In an instant, it had dug into Zack's chest, burying deep inside and stopping at the hilt. I drew my face close to his as he screamed in pain and whispered a single sentence to my former comrade.

"We're taking it back."

Zack's eyes, which had been rolling with pain a moment ago, widened suddenly with a burst of rage. His pupils grew small and they flashed a brief shade of rage before being overcome with aquamarine once again. His arm tensed and his sword flew from his side, whipping upwards at my skull.

"Tch…" I ducked the blow easily and then wound back with my free hand, delivering a crushing blow to Zack's chest, knocking him through the wall and off of Masamune. He shot back and eventually came to a smashing stop against a large tank in the previous room which cracked and spewed red liquid in all directions.

I…couldn't even keep up with my moves. Is this what being a hero does to people? Watching myself fight like that made me wonder, have my senses really dimmed so much as I began to care for other people than myself? Have I been getting weaker all this time? Dammit…is this what you are trying to prove?

My body turned from the hole in the wall and faced Jenova's tank once again. In several steps, I was standing in front of the glass, my eyes staring fixedly up at the horrendous creature inside. A single glowing purple eye shone through the murky green liquid inside the tank. I leaned forward and placed my forehead against the glass, caressing it with my fingers at the same time.

"They're gone now, mother."

What an excellent job you've done.

"It's just the two of us now. The two of us…and a world full of sinners."

Come, let us take it back now.

"Of course, mother."

SHNNK

Pain. My body glanced downwards to find the tip of the Buster Sword stabbing through my abdomen and cracking the glass in front of me. My memory's mind was being flooded with frantic ideas and trying desperately to understand what had happened.

"Give them back," a young voice from behind me spoke up. "Mother, Tifa, Zack…my village…" The voice sounded as though it was close to tears, even a single sob fell through the words and caught in the speaker's throat. "I used…I used to admire you…but what are you now?"

The point of the sword retracted from my stomach and my knees buckled, sending me to the ground and making me fall limp against the cold glass of the tank. My fingers bent and strained against the glass, trying to grip something and stop my body from keeling over. My memory's mind was screaming that it refused to die here and that it would avenge Jenova and bring the planet under her control once again; however, I paid it no attention.

He had left me to die.

That single thought kept running through my own mind, consuming it entirely and letting nothing else slip through. He, Cloud, hero of heroes, had stabbed me from behind and left me to die. And for what reason? He wasn't protecting anyone. He wanted revenge. He wanted some kind of compensation for the people he had lost by my blade. What righteousness is there in revenge? He's no hero. Cloud wasn't always a hero…he was just an angry boy.

But if he's not a hero…then who is? What am I doing? What am I aspiring to be? What…what the hell am I trying to accomplish? I nearly died trying to play hero. Fuck…I nearly killed myself playing hero.

My body finally pulled itself together and as my hand covered my gaping wound in my stomach, I felt the blood slide through my fingers and warm my palms. With my free hand I gripped Masamune and drew it backwards.

"Mother…"

The blade rushed forward, shattering the glass in front of it and severing the head of Jenova. Shards of glass blew outward and onto the floor, followed by a rushing waterfall of murky green water. It splashed across my feet and I sheathed Masamune quickly and caught Jenova's head before it fell. Gripping the head by its pale blue hair, I brought it close to my face and placed my forehead against the metal plate that served for Jenova's brow.

"Let's go now, mother. It's about time you saw the Planet again with your own eyes."

And what of this? What of this Sephiroth of memories? Was this the answer? Severe and heartless…not caring for anyone but my objective? No. This lumbering tool of others is not the answer either. Then what? What am I supposed to become?

My unsteady steps brought me back into the red room. I stumbled through the doorway, decapitated head in one hand, and Masamune's quivering hilt in the other. My vision was blurred and hazy but I could clearly make out Cloud standing at the bottom of the staircase, dropping into fighting stance and brandishing the Buster Sword. Beside him, lay the barely conscious figure of Tifa.

Suddenly, he let out a feral scream and launched himself up the stairway. His boots clanked loudly against the metal steps and the sound mixed with his scream and caused a cacophony of noise to rise and echo in the chamber around me. His eyes were flaring with rage and wet with tears.

He still wanted to kill me. He would rather kill me than let me leave them all. There wasn't even any purpose behind it. He wasn't killing me so I wouldn't hurt anymore people. He was killing me to see me die. He wanted to see me fall to the ground and stop breathing. He wanted me to bleed because somehow that would make the deaths of those close to him easier to bear.

Is this what you really are Cloud? Is this why you pursue me even to this day; to hunt me down and make Aerith's death easier to bear? Is this what heroes are? Machines for revenge? Well I won't have any part of it then.

"Sinner…"

Cloud…

The blade of the Buster Sword rose and began to arc toward me as Cloud leapt off the final step and rocketed toward me.

"Don't think…"

I won't die…

The enormous blade slowed as it neared me, thrusting forward and trying to rip into my chest.

My mouth opened, the memory preparing to scream. I remembered the words exactly. "That you'll beat me again." But I wasn't planning to play by the book now. I'd had enough of that. I focused my mind on my body and surroundings and with a single wrenching tug of my mind, I pulled my body from Namine's grip.

"I'm not going to die for someone else's sake!"

In a single, time splitting movement, I whipped Masamune forward in a wide arc and knocked the Buster Sword from Cloud's hands. The giant sword tomahawked across the room and imbedded itself in the far wall up to the cross guard. With minimal effort, I redirected the flow of power and twisted Masamune around and then drove it through Cloud's chest, piercing his lung burying my blade into his flesh until the hilt thumped against his shirt.

"I'm no tool for anyone. I'll work within my own limits. I'll defeat those who seek to harm me. I'll kill those who thirst for my death. I'll protect who I can, when I can and only if I don't risk my own demise from it. I'm tired of being hurt by things and I'm tired of being a weapon. I'm done searching for a place to die in and a cause to die for. I'm not an experiment, I'm not evil, I'm not a hero, I'm Sephiroth and I am tired of searching for a meaning behind that name. I want to live, and I don't want to be hurt anymore. I don't care if you think that's cruel or selfish…I want to protect me. And if you…Ansem, Zexion, Namine or even Riku want to get in my way…I will not hesitate to bring any of you down."

I'm done. Show me the door Namine. I know how the rest of this memory goes and I'm no longer interested. Did you get what you wanted? If not then that's a damn shame because I am through with memories and little games in the hallways.

Yes, we got what we wanted. Alright, I'll show you the door.

Light exploded directly in front of me, erasing the suspended Cloud from his place on Masamune and disintegrating the rest of the room with it. Masamune became light in my hands and I moved it away from the bright white of the newly formed doorway. The pain in my stomach disappeared along with the wound that Cloud had inflicted.

Let's see what happens now everyone. You've got what you wanted…I'd like to see what you do with it all. I suppose I'll find out soon enough. And with that I stepped into the glowing doorway. As the world faded away I heard her voice one last time.

You'll understand it all, once you see the other side.

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Ok, so as I said above, I'm on the phone and tired. I'm not sure I like this chapter so much because Sephiroth's epiphany feels a bit lacking in substance. If you're leaving reviews, tell me what you think about how well I did with making seph see the middle ground.

So I'm too tired to thank individuals, but thanks to those who reviewed.

Have a good night everyone, hope you enjoy, I'm going to bed.