Hello, everybody! This is Dis Chick Digs Da Fuzzy Dude! Yesh, I will be attempting to write in present tense, and write Remy in first person. But that's not so hard.
DISCLAIMER: "Well, isn't that 'convenient' for you. And the clock!"
Remy comes running out onto Pride Rock, staring out at the just barely-rising sun. He grins, and runs back inside. "Dad! Dad! Dis sounds so wrong."
"Ah, suck it up," Kurt says lazily, spinning Forge's blue lethal-looking…thing (aka BLLT) on one finger. (1)
Remy continues running over to Logan, climbing over Amara, Rahne, Rabby, Jubes, Jean…just about the entire female mutant population, actually, save Rogue and Ororo.
Logan and Ororo are lying down in the middle, both dead asleep. Logan is actually snoring. Remy stops short. "Do I really have t' do dis?"
Kurt waves Forge's BLLT threateningly. Remy gulps and timidly approaches Logan. "Dad? Da-ad," he says whiningly.
"Your son's awake," Ororo notes sleepily.
"That doesn't sound right," Logan says.
"Your problem, not mine," Ororo says.
"Dad! Come on, Dad," Remy says. He jumps up and tugs on Logan's ear. Logan doesn't budge a bit, and Remy ends up slipping and tumbling backwards. "Ow!" He runs back over to Logan and headbutts him. However, considering Logan's skull is twice as big as his and made of adamantium, it hurts Remy a lot more than it hurts Logan.
Logan finally cracks an eye open to see Remy glaring at him. "Y' promised!" he says.
"Gimme a beer and I'll be up," Logan says.
"Lions don't drink beer," Kurt says.
Logan glares at him, but gets up and follows Remy out to the edge of Pride Rock.
And the sun came up! WOW!
"Look, Gumbo," Logan says. "Everything the light touches is our kingdom."
"Wow," Remy says.
"A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun," Logan continues. "One day (actually, more like in 20 minutes), Gumbo, the sun will set on my time here and will rise with you as the new king."
"And dis'll all be mon?" Remy asks.
"Everything," Logan says.
"Everyt'in' de light touches," Remy repeats. "But what 'bout dat shadowy place over dere?"
"That's beyond our borders," Logan says. "You must never go there, Gumbo."
"But I t'ought a king can do whatever he wants," Remy says confusedly. Aww, he looks so CUTE when he's confused.
Logan rolls his eyes. "There's more to being king than getting your way all the time," he says.
"Dere's more?" Remy asks eagerly.
"Gumbo," Logan says as they start off walking around on the grass, "Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling Apocaroach (2) to the leaping antelope."
"But Dad," Remy says, "Don' we eat de antelope?"
"Yes, Gumbo, but let me explain," Logan says irritably. "When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great circle of life. Except meerkats. They don't eat grass, they eat bugs." (3)
Scott came flying in. "Good morning, sire!" he says cheerfully.
"Someone's in a good mood," Logan notes.
"Eit'er A) y' finally got dat pole out o' y'r ass, or B) y' and Jean got it on last night," Remy says.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, I DO NOT HAVE A POLE UP MY ASS!"
"Ah," Remy says. Then, "DE IMAGES! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!" Remy rolls around on the ground for a full minute before the Prof accidentally picks up the images during his Random Mind Scan of the Day and kindly erases them for him. "Merci beaucoup!"
"Checking in with the morning report," Scott says.
"Wait one sec," Logan says, and sticks earplugs into his ears. "Okay, go ahead."
"What about moi?" Remy whimpers.
Too late.
HEY YOU! YEAH YOU!
Normally, this is where the song "The Morning Report" would go, but (well, you know the drill), so go to http/ www. livejournal. com/ users/ (underscore)(underscore)b(underscore)a(underscore)m(underscore)f(underscore)(underscore), only take out the spaces and add ALL those underscores.
DONE READING THE LYRICS? ¡BUENO!
Evan pops up underneath Scott. "Get off me, man!" he snaps.
"What?" Scott demands.
"News from the underground," Evan says.
Logan's about to give Remy another stalking lesson. "Now, this time-" he begins.
"Sire!" Scott interrupts, clambering back onto his rock. "Hyenas in the pride lands!"
Logan immediately starts running off. "Scott, take Gumbo home," he says.
"Aw, can' I come?" Remy asks.
"I don't think so." And he ran off.
"I never get t' go anywhere," Remy grumbles.
"Oh, one day you'll be king," Scott assures him. "Then you can chase those slobbering, ugly nincompoops from dawn until dusk."
Trust Scott to use the word nincompoops. Honestly, who else uses that word?
"I do NOT slobber!" Bobby yells. "Ooh, do I smell fried chicken?" He promptly starts drooling.
BACK AT PRIDE ROCK…
Mystique paces very moodily while Remy runs up to her. "Hey, Aunt Mystique! …Dat sounds wrong."
"Still not caring!" Kurt says cheerfully.
"Guess what?" Remy says to Mystique
Mystique turns around. "I despise guessing games," she says.
"'m gonna be king o' Pride Rock," Remy says smugly.
"Oh, goody," Mystique says sarcastically.
"M' père just showed moi de whole kin'dom," Remy continues, "And 'm gonna rule it all!"
"Yes, well, forgive me for not leaping for joy," Mystique says. "Bad back, you know."
Remy blinks. "Riiiiiiiiiight. Hey, when 'm king, what'll dat make y'?"
"A monkey's uncle," Mystique says dryly.
"Y're so weird," Remy says.
"You have no idea," Mystique replies. "So, your father showed you the whole kingdom, did he?"
"Everyt'in'," Remy says.
"He didn't show you what's beyond that rise at the northern border?" Mystique asks.
"Well, non," Remy admits. "He said I can' go dere."
"And he's absolutely right," Mystique agrees. "It's far too dangerous. Only the bravest lions go there."
"Well, 'm brave," Remy says. "What's out dere?"
"I'm sorry, Remy," Mystique says. "I just can't tell you."
"Why not?" Remy demands.
"Remy, Remy," Mystique chides, "I'm only looking out for the well-being of my favorite nephew."
Remy scoffs. "Yeah, right. 'm y'r only nephew."
"All the more reason to be protective," Mystique says. "An elephant graveyard is no place for a young prince. Oops!"
"An elephant quoi?" Remy asks. "Whoa!"
"Oh dear, I've said too much," Mystique says dramatically. "Well, I suppose you'd have found out sooner or later, you being so clever and all. Just do me one favor: promise me you'll never visit that dreadful place."
"No problem," Remy says.
"There's a good boy," Mystique says. "You run along now and have fun. And remember, it's our little secret."
Remy nods and runs off. Mystique walks off with an evil grin.
DOWN…SOME OTHER PART OF PRIDE ROCK…
Remy runs down a path to where Jubes is giving Rogue a bath.
"Ugh, that is disgusting," Kurt says. "I can't believe Sabey does that!"
"Bonjour, chere," Remy says to Rogue.
"Hey, Swamp Rat," Rogue says.
"Come on!" Remy says. "I just heard 'bout dis great place."
"Swamp Rat!" Rogue hisses. "Ah'm kinda in tha middle of a bath."
Jubes stops washing Rogue and pulls a face. "Actually, you can go anytime you like."
"Shut UP, Jubes," Rogue growls.
Ororo just watches.
Kurt coughs and holds up his BLLT.
"Ugh…and it's time for yours," Ororo says to Remy, scooping him up and washing him.
"Stormy!" Remy complains. "Y'r messin' up m' mane!"
Ororo gives him a look. "…What mane?"
Remy hops down. "Okay, okay, 'm clean. Can we go now?"
"Where are we goin'?" Rogue asks. "It better not be any place dumb."
"No, it's really cool," Remy says.
"So," Ororo butts in, "Where is this really cool place?"
"Uh…around de water hole," Remy says innocently.
"Tha water hole?" Rogue demands. "What's so great about tha water hole?"
"I'll show y' when we get dere," Remy hisses.
"Ohhhh," Rogue says, finally catching on. "Jubes, can Ah go with Remy?"
"What do you think, 'Ro?" Jubes asks Ororo.
"Well…" Ororo says.
"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase?" Remy and Rogue ask in unison, with matching aw-how-can-you-deny-this-face smiles.
"It's all right with me," Ororo says.
"Yes!" Remy and Rogue exclaim, bounding off.
"…As long as Scott goes with you," Ororo finishes.
"Aw, man!" Rogue says.
"Not Scooter!" Remy complains.
ON THE WAY TO THE WATER HOLE…
"Step lively, now," Scott says as he flies over Remy and Rogue. "The sooner we get to the water hole, the sooner we can leave and have a nice 3-hour Danger Room session."
"So where are we really goin'?" Rogue asks Remy.
"An elephant graveyard," Remy says.
"WOW!"
"Shhh! Scooter."
"Raht," Rogue says. "So, how are we gonna ditch tha dodo?"
Scott flies down to the two of them. "Oh, just look at you two," he says. "Little seeds of romance blossoming in the savannah. Your parents will be thrilled, what with your being betrothed and all."
"Quoi?" Remy demands.
"Betrothed," Scott says. "Intended. Affianced."
Remy and Rogue are still completely clueless. "Meanin'…?" Rogue asks.
"One day, you two are going to be married!" Scott says happily. "…Normally, I would be totally against this and not trust Gambit in a million years, but there's so many things wrong with this movie. I mean, for one, Simba and Nala and half-siblings."
"That's kind of a duh," Kurt says. "Considering there's only one male in a pride. And besides, the movie's based on Hamlet. Only, since it's Disney, it's gotta be happily ever after."
Remy and Rogue aren't listening to Scott and Kurt's little side convo. Rogue, in fact, had fainted.
"Um…help?" Remy asks.
"Like, no problem," Kitty says, walking up to Rogue. She clears her throat. "LikeohmigoshRogueRemyjustranoutofthebathroomnaked!" she screams in Rogue's ear.
That wakes Rogue up. "Kitty, Ah'n gonna kill yah." Kitty just grins and walks off.
"I can' marry Rogue!" Remy says to Scott. "Well, I want t', but Wolvie'd most likely kill moi."
"Well, sorry to bust your bubble," Scott says snootily, "But you two turtledoves have no choice. It's a tradition going back generations."
"What's wit' all de 'lliteration?" Remy asks.
Kurt shrugs.
"Well, when 'm king, dat'll be de first t'ing t' go," Remy says.
"What, alliteration?" Scott asks.
"Non, arranged marriages," Remy says.
"Not as long as I'm around," Scott says.
"Well, in dat cse, y're fired," Remy says casually.
"Nice try," Scott says. "But only the king can do that."
"Well, he's tha future king," Rogue points out.
"Yeah, so y' have t' do what I tell y'," Remy says.
"Not yet, I don't!" Scott snaps. "And with an attitude like that I'm afraid you're shaping up to be a pretty pathetic king indeed."
"Huh," Remy says. "Not de way I see it."
HEY YOU! YEAH YOU!
Normally, this is where the song "Oh, I Just Can't Wait to be King" would go, but (well, you know the drill), so go to http/ www. livejournal. com/ users/ (underscore)(underscore)b(underscore)a(underscore)m(underscore)f(underscore)(underscore), only take out the spaces and add the underscores.
DONE READING THE LYRICS? ¡BUENO!
Ostrich!Rahne sways and landed on the Anteater!Morlocks, Giraffe!Amara and Tabby hook necks with a nasty crunching sound, Elephant!Rob lands on Antelope!Evan's horns, and Scott (how the heck did he end up carrying all this), gets crushed under Rhino!Jean's weight.
"Sorry, Jean," Scott says in a muffled voice, "But would you please get off me? Gambit?" he calls. "Rogue! Aw, crap, Logan's going to kill me," he whimpers.
(1) – Pff, Skysong. I happen to like blue. And that thing is actually mine, and I refuse to say its actual purpose.
(2) – The XBand, Part Deuce! Sort Of, Anyway (I think that's the one, I'm too lazy too check)
(3) – The whole thing about the meerkats was from The Lion Kings 1 ½.
(4) – Excellent way of relieving stress. Much better than the Crush the Crocodiles game. You have to use your actual fist with those, instead of a cool nerf hammer.
Wow, that song was hard to write. And all the "spelling errors" nearly blinded me. Please review! The next update is all up to Skysong!
